Dysfunctional - A Yappy Obi story
13 year old Yappy Obi is at it again as he questions his relationship with Qui-Gon.
Posted - March 2021
Challenge - Create a story around the following five random words: Dysfunctional, Slam, Honorable, Imprison, Special.
Obi: Master, are we dysfunctional?
Qui: You are. I am not.
Obi: I don't think it works that way.
Qui: I believe it does.
Obi: But if it's only me that is dysfunctional, what does that make you?
Qui: Honorable.
Obi: Hmm.
Qui: You do not think I am honorable?
Obi: You just called me dysfunctional.
Qui: I speak the truth. Is that not honorable?
Obi: The truth is, but I'm your apprentice.
Qui: You want me to lie to you?
Obi: Not really. You didn't have to slam me though.
Qui: Slam?
Obi: Yes.
Qui: Let's just say, you are special, Obi-Wan.
Obi: I'm special and dysfunctional. That makes me sound like an idiot.
Qui: Well.
Obi: Master!
Qui: Fine. You are not special. Better?
Obi: Um, no?
Qui: You know on certain planets, they imprison the dysfunctional.
Obi: That sounds like overkill.
Qui: Depends on the person.
Obi: This person says it sounds like overkill.
Qui: I mean it depends on the person who is dysfunctional. What they are dysfunctional with.
Obi: What am I dysfunctional with?
Qui: You like to talk and hug.
Obi: And?
Qui: A lot.
Obi: You would imprison me for that?
Qui: Did I say that? No. I said on some planets. Why did you start this conversation anyway?
Obi: Master Windu said we were dysfunctional. Note that I said we.
Qui: Why were you talking to him? Did I not tell you to stay away from the Council? Actually, I'm certain they told you to stay away from them.
Obi: I was in the dining hall. I ran into him.
Qui: On purpose?
Obi: Well...
Qui: Obi-Wan.
Obi: I was leaving, he was in the way. What was I supposed to do?
Qui: Go around him. Walk past him. Exit through another door. Any or all of the above would have sufficed.
Obi: But, Master, that would not be consistent with who I am. You have told me to believe in myself and stay true to who I am supposed to be.
Qui: That second part is not correct.
Obi: So, I should be someone that I'm not?
Qui: Not that either.
Obi: Master?
Qui: Yes?
Obi: My point is that Master Windu called us dysfunctional.
Qui: My point is that you trapped a member of the Council in the dining hall.
Obi: Trapped? He's a Master Jedi. I am an innocent boy.
Qui: You... innocent... all right. No.
Obi: He should have avoided me. He could have gone around me.
Qui: Apprentices yield to Master Jedi.
Obi: Because they think they are better than us.
Qui: They are. I mean, we are. We.
Obi: You and me?
Qui: No, the other we.
Obi: You have another apprentice? Wait, that can't be right. Sith Boy is not even born yet.
Qui: What? No. Stop it. The other we, as in we, the Master Jedi.
Obi: Ohhhhh. You lumped yourself in with them. I get it.
Qui: I didn't lump myself in with them. I am them. One of them.
Obi: So, you would have made me go around you if we were in a stand off in the dining hall?
Qui: Yes.
Obi: And if I didn't?
Qui: This is a stupid conversation.
Obi: You started it.
Qui: I did no such thing. You wandered in here asking if we were dysfunctional.
Obi: Then you called yourself honorable, then me special, then not special. And somewhere along the way you suggested that I should be imprisoned.
Qui: No, I did not suggest you be imprisoned, I simply stated that on some planets... Oh Force. Never mind. What do you want, Obi-Wan? Why are you here?
Obi: I live here?
Qui: Right. Right. Yes.
Obi: You were hoping I forgot I lived here, weren't you, Master?
Qui: Not really, but if you had...
Obi: We really are dysfunctional. Master Windu wasn't lying after all. It was so hard to tell, his voice had reached such a high octave and he was swatting his lightsaber at me during the conversation.
Qui: Please don't go back to the dining hall.
Obi: A boy needs to eat.
Qui: Then don't go when the Council is there.
Obi: They are always there. Don't they ever convene anymore in their chambers as a complete group?
Qui: When you and I report to them, yes.
Obi: Huh. So they can bash us as a unit. Teamwork. Smart.
Qui: Sure.
Obi:. Master, I don't want to be imprisoned.
Qui: Then do as I say.
Obi: It's so boring. You like to do boring stuff.
Qui: Such as?
Obi: Meditate. Negotiate. Snore.
Qui: I do not snore.
Obi: You do, but it's not what I meant. I meant, snore, you are boring.
Qui: Mediation and negotiation, a Jedi cannot survive without those skills.
Obi: It would not be honorable?
Qui: Ah, sure. That.
Obi: Master, you are very confusing.
Qui: I do my best with what I have. I have you. So, yes. That's what I have.
Obi: You're a lucky guy.
Qui: Lucky. Such a strong word.
Obi: Can you teach me how to be honorable, Master? If we are going to be dysfunctional together, I may as well be honorable too.
Qui: We are not dysfunctional.
Obi: You've kept track of this conversation, yes? We are. It's not even a question anymore.
Qui: If you would stay away from the Council, none of these conversations would happen.
Obi: Yeah. You've met me, right?
Qui: Perhaps we should travel to one of those plants where they do imprison the dysfunctional.
Obi: You'd still end up with me, you know that. There is no me with out you. Or you without me. Something like that. We are a set. Forever. Together.
Qui: None of that is correct.
Obi: It should be.
Qui: Perhaps it would be better if you harass the Council without me knowing.
Obi: So, I shouldn't tell you about my encounters?
Qui: Correct.
Obi: The Council will tell you about them then. But you know how high and mighty they are, you'd only get their hypersensitive version of what happened.
Qui: Then perhaps I should just have myself imprisoned. Problem solved.
Obi: Where you go, I go. There is no me without you. Or you with out me.
Qui: You said that thirty seconds ago.
Obi: It needed repeating apparently. How quickly you forgot.
Qui: I did not forget.
Obi: Master, it's okay if your mind is losing some of it's steam. You're an old guy and you spend way too much time sleeping.
Qui: My mind is fine. I am not old. And just because my eyes are closed does not mean I am sleeping.
Obi: I'd offer to look after you once I become a Jedi Knight, but that tattoo guy is still on schedule to fillet you with his double sided blade, then you get all burned up. It's sad. I cry. But at least you won't get so old that you completely lose your marbles.
Qui: Obi-Wan?
Obi: Yes?
Qui: Stop talking. In fact, why don't you go back to the dining hall, see if there is anyone there who may want to have strange discussions with you and keep them company for a while.
Obi: Sad to say, there is no such being in the Temple.
Qui: Damn.
Obi: I really am special, aren't I?
Qui: One of a kind.
Obi: I'm sorry.
Qui: You are?
Obi: Yes, you drew the short straw when you got me as your apprentice, which is strange because I've no idea even what a straw is. Maybe it's a crack at my height, I don't know.
Qui: You did not draw whatever. I chose you, remember?
Obi: I do. But I don't know why. Rumor is, you were heavy into the spice at the time. Maybe you were high?
Qui: I am not into spice, nor have I ever been. I was perhaps not in my right mind, but my selection of you was voluntary. Kind of.
Obi: The troll made you do it.
Qui: Do not call him a troll. Master Yoda is wise and all knowing.
Obi: I'm not debating that, but he is a troll. And a backwards one. Tell me I'm wrong.
Qui: He did suggest you to me. I selected you. It's where we are. What does this have to do with anything?
Obi: It doesn't, just trying to prolong our talk. I like talking to you, Master. You may be dysfunctionally honorable and me dysfunctionally special. And you may slam me and suggest I be imprisoned for being those things, but you still like me. I'm okay with that.
Qui: You are?
Obi: I am.
Qui: So then what are we talking about?
Obi: You know my discussions, they wander.
Qui: They do.
Obi: They make no sense at times.
Qui: True.
Obi: But you talk to me still. You don't run away like everyone else. That means something.
Qui: It does?
Obi: Sure. To me anyway. I mean, it would be a million times better if you would hug me once in a while, but you do pat me on the head sometimes.
Qui: So, are we still dysfunctional?
Obi: Oh yes. More so now than we were before this conversation.
Qui: Huh.
Obi: Yeah.
Qui: All right then. How about we take a walk to the dining hall?
Obi: Together?
Qui: Together.
Obi: The whole there is no me without you and you with out me thing?
Qui: Well, no, nothing that extreme, just a walk to the dining hall. No need to title it.
Obi: And if Master Windu is there?
Qui: I strongly suspect he will not be. One run in with you during the day tends to be his limit. I know that because he's screamed it into my face on more then a few occasions.
Obi: He's a funny guy.
Qui: Sure. Go with that.
Obi: To the dining hall then?
Qui: To the dining hall.
END