POV: Alex

So there I stood, dripping water in the middle of the hallway, my best friends staring me down with smiles. Thunder crashed outside, lightning streaking across the sky in its electric arcs, the current sending shocks through my body. Jordan held my hand as we stood together, Mr. Parker draping towels over our backs. They were warm, like they had just been dried, and I couldn't help but smile a bit. Then the thoughts of what I did came back to me, and I kept my eyes low to ground.

Steven was the first to walk up to me, taking my hands in his. I didn't have the courage to look him in the eye, I felt like I wasn't worthy to look at him. But that didn't matter, cause when he spoke my name, I burst into tears. I held his hands tighter as he whispered words, drowned out by the sound of the thunder outside. The one thing I could make out though, was, "I love you."

"Alex," Steven said. "Alex, look at me." I shook my head, shutting my eyes tight as tears streamed down my face. He put his hand underneath my chin and tilted my head up, finally seeing the daylight in his eyes. "None of us blame you for what you did. None of us hate you for what you did. How could I hate the only animal who's ever loved me for me?"

Then he kissed me, right in front of his dad, right in front of everybody. His lips touched mine and shocks were sent through my body, sparking up the love which was cold and damp, sending sparks flying in the air. A fire erupted in my face, flushing with heat, never wanting the feeling to stop. He touched his hands to my face, kissing me deeper, more passionately, full of life.

He smiled with tears in his eyes. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," I said, holding his body close to mine. He was warm, his hands wrapped around my waist as his head laid on my chest. "I don't know how to make it up to you."

"You're already doing it," he said. "All your insecurities, all your dirty laundry never made me blink one time. Because I love you, unconditionally. I don't need apologizes, just know you're worthy. I do it all because I love you."

See you in the dark, all eyes on you my magician.

I loosened my grip on him. "You shouldn't love me."

I fell down, freaking out, where am I now?

Steven giggled, caressing my face. "My mind forgets to remind me, you're a bad idea. You're the kind of reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know I won't get far." Then he kissed me again, running his hands through my wet fur. "I'll stay by your side, every night."

"Angels like you can't fly down here with me," I said, pulling away, everyone looking at me. None of it felt right, none of it felt earned. It wasn't Steven's fault that I ruined everything, it wasn't his fault I couldn't be what he deserved. Everything that had happened was my fault, it was always going to be my fault.

Nathan kept a face of sincerity as he dried off Jordan, both of them laughing at the way her fur puffed out. They were perfect for each other, both of them just weird enough to keep each other company, to remind themselves that they were still alive. But what was I? Just a screwed up wolf with a relationship that I didn't know what to do with?

Dalton tapped a finger on my shoulder, breaking me away from my thoughts, from my self deprecation and uselessness. "I know this isn't the best time right now, but what exactly did Mrs. Carter tell you? If she told you anything at all." Everyone stopped to look at me, including Mr. Parker who I thought would've had a face of seriousness. But for him, something else colored his brown furred face. I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was since the feeling had been so long forgotten, but it looked like happiness.

"She didn't tell me anything," I said.

"Stop trying to protect her," Nathan said.

"But I'm not-"

"You're doing it subconsciously." He stood in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders, his taped glasses falling down his face. "It's something animals do when they've experienced trauma, or in your case, manipulation of your emotions. Your body knows what she told you made you feel happy, it made you feel like you again. I can't say it wasn't real, that the happiness was false, but it was misplaced, misguided in the wrong directions."

Mr. Parker chimed in from the back, the police officers leaving the hallway. "Nobody here blames you for what happened. As far as I'm concerned," he glanced around the room as the other officers exited, "you had nothing to do with the matter. The blood we found at the scene matches Mrs. Carter perfectly, no doubts about it."

My biggest enemy is me.

"So why do you need him to tell you anything?" Jordan said, towel wrapped around her. "If the evidence points to Mrs. Carter, why do you need Alex to tell you anything?"

"Because we need to make sure Mrs. Carter holds no more influence over him," Nathan argued. "We need him to tell us so we know...so we know we can trust him."

Steven opened his mouth to argue, but I cut him off. "No, it's fine, I get it." I took a large breath, letting the feelings and emotions flow out of my body. Calmness seeped into the scars on my body, no longer chained to the bounds of my emotions. Mr. Parker kept his hands to his sides, uniform wet and muddy. I let out the breath. As long as I had Steven with me, as long as I had Nathan, Dalton, and Jordan, I was safe. "Jennifer Carter ate the aforementioned rabbit. I was in the room when she told me."

Canines never change , Mrs. Carter's words rang in my head.

So that's what it was, misguided happiness. My body had a sense of safety when I was in her office, when she spoke to me about things that made me feel better. The rants about my friends, the calming talks about my biology, the triumphant smile she praised me with when I came up with solutions to my own problems. It was like every time I thought of, my mind flashed back to her clean office, to the sleek desk, the degrees on the wall, the pencils in her coffee cups, the strong floral scent.

Why was it always so strong?

Steven held onto my hand as tears flowed out of my eyes. I wiped them away, not even noticing I was crying.

Is it over?

Just because it's over doesn't mean it's really over.

Mr. Parker took one last look at me, then called over the rest of the police officers. They rallied behind him as we followed him through the halls, passing animals who snickered in my direction, who were shut down by Nathan. The principal rounded a corner, then immediately took a step back, allowing us to pass.

Then we reached it - Mrs. Carter's room.

Never wield such power, you forget to be polite.

Steven tightened his grip around my hand, forcing his eyes forward as his dad took a large breath, opening the door to Mrs. Carter's office.

Mrs. Carter was sitting at her desk, perplexed as to why the whole police force was in her office.

Mr. Parker spoke loud and clear, voice rattling the pictures on her desk. "Jennifer Renee Carter, you're under arrest for the murder of Christina Selena Torrez."

She scoffed, eyes widening and getting up from her chair. "Me? You think I ate the rabbit?" Her voice rose with each sentence she spoke. "You can't honestly believe that I did it?" Her eyes shifted over me, a small smile appearing on her face as she approached, but Mr. Parker blocked her off. "Alex, Honey," she spoke, kind and sweet, like tasting honey on my lips. "Please tell these men that I'm only here to help you."

This isn't what I signed up for.

My heart rate burst through the roof, panic taking over the senses in my body.

Jordan stepped in front of me. "Don't fucking talk to him," she snarled, fangs bared.

Mrs. Carter laughed, poised and proper, a slight shrillness to it. "Out of all the animals here, you're the one condemning me?" She turned her attention to me, eyes pleading to negotiate with the german shepherd which approached her with handcuffs. "Alex, please, you need to tell these men that I did nothing. How could I? I'm only here to protect you, to make sure you feel comfortable."

There was a lump in my throat, mouth wanting to open, to release the words which I knew weren't true. "She...," I stared, met with glares all round. Emotions inside me ran rabid, fighting for dominance, fighting for the truth. They all screamed Mrs. Carter was innocent. They shredded and ripped muscle and tissue from my body, scorching my brain with thoughts of being happy, with times where I didn't want to kill myself. "She didn't-" my knees buckled, body falling to the floor and panting heavily.

Tears fell to the floor, Mrs. Carter screaming my name behind me as Mr. Parker fled the hallway with her in handcuffs. Guttural screams filled the hallway, slowly dying down as doors slammed shut and then suddenly, silence.

What's wrong with me?

Why do I feel like this?

Am I going crazy?

My hands shook in front of my face. Steven knelt down beside me, consoling me with words, saying she was gone, that everything was ok. But how was it ok? My happiness was gone, dragged away screaming.

Release me from this curse I'm in.

My teeth chattered as I spoke. "But she-she-she-she didn't do-"

Steven pressed his lips to mine, shutting me up entirely with his hands tight around face. "Breathe," he said as he pulled away. "Just breathe, Alex."

Jordan held onto Nathan with tears in her eyes. The urge to look away, to sprint back to Mrs. Carter, taking down each and every one officer, tearing out their throats to keep her safe was the hardest thing I've ever had to resist. But Steven kept his eyes on mine, never letting me look away, keeping me grounded.

I threw my arms around Steven, sobbing loud and hard into his shoulder. "It's over," he said, rubbing my head. "You played the game, and you won. It's over, she's gone, she's not coming back." I couldn't talk through my cries, only fragments of words and sentences filled the air, mixed with tears and pain. There was so much pain in my body. Wrecking balls swung in my head, breaking down the walls I had kept up. Dams cracked from the pressure behind my eyes, sending their torrential waters down to wipe out the village below.

I was trying to hold on, trying to keep myself together, but I couldn't.

"She didn't do it!" I wanted to scream. " It wasn't her!"

But it was her, it was always her. It was always Mrs. Carter. And I couldn't see that, my friends could, but I couldn't. So what good was I alive? What good did I bring to the world if all I could do was push everyone away?

What was the point in living anymore if I couldn't find happiness, and if that happiness was always fake?

"Alex," Nathan said, his voice stopping time in my body. Stopping the pain, stopping the rain, stopping the wrecking balls, stopping everything. "It's ok if she made you feel happy, it's ok if what you felt was genuine." He knelt down beside me, keeping his voice calm but firm. "There'll be happiness after her, and there was happiness because of her. Both of these things can be true, there is happiness past the blood and bruises, past the curses and cries. We are all here for you."

Dalton's voice rose through my sobs. "Comforting him isn't going to help him right now. There isn't anything we can say or do that'll stop the pain he's feeling."

"But we have to try!" Jordan shouted. She tried to break Steven away, forcing herself through, but Nathan stopped her.

"No, Dalton is right," Nathan said, standing up and holding Jordan down. "Leave him be...there isn't anything we can do."

"We have to try!" Jordan tried to force her hand out of his grip, but he only tightened it.

"Let Steven handle this."

Steven glanced around the room, taking my hand in his and helping me to my feet. "Come on," he said. "There's a place we can go to get away from it all." He added a weak smile, but shut it down. I wanted that smile to stay.

Steven found a bathroom and pushed me in, locking the door behind us. He helped me over to the sink, where I vomited into it and cried more. There were no more tears in my body, just heaving over the sink as my stomach forced bile out of my body, searing my throat. Steven kept his hand on my back, rubbing tiny circles on it, eyes blinking rapidly from the dizzying lights above.

My body calmed down after a couple minutes of more crying, Steven holding tightly to my hand as he said, "Are you ok?"

He sighed, helping me to the cold tiled floor of the bathroom where he sat next to me. "That's fine, lets just sit here for a while," he said, using paper towels to dry the tear stains on my fur. After he was done, he threw the paper towels in the trash, missing the can by a couple of inches. That caused me to chuckle, heart rearing the end of its high.

I kept my eyes low to avoid looking into the lights above, but mainly to avoid looking at Steven. I was ashamed of what I had done, for spilling his secret and for breaking up with him. My mind couldn't think of anything to fix the problems I had caused, to change the animal I had become, if changing was even possible at all.

A few minutes passed, my body was completely calm. The air in the bathroom was cold, but something about it felt like home somehow, Steven's arm wrapped around me. Crashes of thunder could still be heard from inside the bathroom, rain pounding on the roof. Then I laughed to myself, body filling with hysteria, or shock, whichever hurt the most. "Can you believe my therapist is a murder?" I laughed harder, lungs tensing up and heart picking up speed. "Like, what the hell? Out of all the animals to eat someone, it just so happened to be my therapist." I scoffed, emotions switching up and anger filling up my body. "And I believed her, I believed that she was just trying to help me, that she was just trying to fix me!"

I stood up quickly, hating my reflection and shattering the mirror with my fist. "And the worst part," I said, staring at my shattered reflection, "is that I thought I was in the right, I thought what I was doing was for my happiness, for my benefit, more the betterment of my future. But did any of it fucking matter? Am I fixed? No, probably doing worse now. Do I still want to kill myself with these shattered pieces of glass on the floor? You bet your ass I do." I bent down, picking up one of the glass shards and holding it close to my forearms.

"But you're not going to," Steven said, gently taking away the piece of glass and tossing it in the sink. "You're going to get better." He looked up into my eyes, placing a hand on my cheek

"Am I?" I asked, brushing it off. "Will I ever get better?"

Steven leaned in. "Of course you will. This is the lowest part of your life, it only means the rest of your life will be smooth sailing. I'll be with you every step of the way." He leaned in for a kiss, then pulled back. "Before I kiss you again, you need to brush your teeth." He giggled as he touched a finger to my nose and kissed me on the cheek. "I don't care what you did in the past. Yeah, telling my dad about our relationship was pretty shitty, but he got over it. He understood why I kept it from him."
I hung my head low. Nothing could make up for the mistakes of the past.

"But you know what?" Steven said. "I don't care, not anymore at least. I did when I found out, when he sat me down and I had to confess everything. But I don't care anymore. Some may say I'm being too lenient on you, that I should just dump you and forget about you for the shit you've caused. But what's that going to fix? You're still going to be broken, you're still going to hate yourself, probably even more so if I leave. So I think I'll stay, for better or for worse."

"Are we proposing now?" I said, a light laugh in my voice.

His tail wrapped around my legs. "Would you like me to propose?" A smile came upon his lips as we pressed our foreheads together. "I love you. No amount of baggage, no amount of trauma, and no amount of pain is going to change that. I wish I could make it better, but someday you won't remember this pain you thought would last forever." He started to cry a bit, holding my hands tightly. "If I were in your situation, I'd be dead a long time ago. I don't know how you did it, but you survived, whether it was for me or for someone else, doesn't matter to me." He chuckled through the tears. "So, push on just a little bit more, just for a little bit longer. Don't look back, just carry on, and the shadows will never find you."

️ ️ ️

I watched as Mrs. Carter was forcibly shoved into the back of the police car, her teeth bared as she struggled to break free from the handcuffs. My mind already decided that if she broke free, I would kill her on the spot. The pain caused by her was still resonating in my body, no longer a boil, but rather a simmer. Steven held onto my hand as the rain lightened up, the sun's warmth and light still blanketed by the grayscale sky.

The police car started its engine, Mr. Parker checking the rear view mirror, then speeding off into the distance, Mrs. Carter's figure in the back. I couldn't help but feel some sort of pity for her. I knew it was wrong, obviously because of the things she did, but what made her like that? What caused her to become so horrible she felt the need to take advantage of an animal who was vulnerable? Maybe it was because she knew she could easily get to me, that I would protect her. That didn't end up to be the case.

Jordan laid a hand on my shoulder, tail and clothes still damp from the rain, soaking into her white fur. "She's finally gone."

I brushed her hand off. "She may be gone from the school, but she's still in my head." The ground was mushy, grass saturated to the point it could no longer hold any more water. "To think she actually did it," I watched my feet sinking into the ground, shoes soaking up the water. "Even now, I still don't want to believe it. I'll spend forever wondering if she knew I was enchanted to meet her, and I hate it." I sighed, kicking a puddle on the ground, water splashing in the air. "I don't have any more tears left to cry, I just hate myself. I have to go the rest of my life picking up the pieces, probably never finding peace because of the shitty animal I was...still am."

Jordan grabbed my face, squishing my cheeks. "Stop talking about her, stop thinking about her. She's fractured your mind, and I would be a terrible liar to say if everything was the same as it was a couple months ago, because it's not. You were an asshole, keyword, were. Doesn't mean you're one now."

"But what if I...relapse? What if it comes back?"

"So what if it does? I'm here, Steven's here...everyone's here for you. Mrs. Carter is gone, gone forever, gone for the rest of your days." She released her hands, pulling at one of my ears to her level. "Let me tell you a secret, I'm in love with Nathan. And I never would've felt like this if it wasn't because of you." She smiled, her breath warm on the fur in my ears as she leaned away. "Mrs. Carter is gone. So let's just enjoy this moment for a minute. Empty your mind, don't think about her, don't even talk about her, because if you do, I'll punch you."

The rain splashed onto the concrete of the road, flowing to the sides and down the drains. A couple of sun rays peeked through the clouds, like they were pushing through the darkness, as I needed to do. Steven stood in front of me as I blinked away raindrops, clothes sticking to his body. My heart started to pick up speed as he took his hands in mine. "I'm still not kissing you until you brush your teeth," he said, his voice saving my life.

Nathan took Jordan's hand, leading her inside with Dalton following.

It was just Steven and I alone as rain poured onto us.

"Why do you love me?" I asked, holding his body close to feel its warmth.

"I guess I like broken things," he hummed. "Fixing them brings out the shine they had all along."

Don't be afraid we'll make it out of this mess.

"I'm sorry," I said, kissing his head, "for everything I've done, for the crap I've put you and everyone through."

He chuckled, his head on my chest. "It wouldn't be high school without a couple bumps in the road. Besides," he said, looking up at me, "it's not over yet, we still have two more months left and we still have the school dance at the end of the year." He smiled, arms wrapped around my body. "So, who are you gonna ask? I already know who I'm asking." He smirked.

"It's me, isn't it?"

"Of course it's you," he cooed. "It's always going to be you. And," his voice leaned on, "I want to see what you look like in a suit. No doubt you're hot as hell."

"I've never worn one before."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sure you'll think of something."

We stood there for a while, wrapped in each other's embrace, rain pouring on us. It didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon, masking the tears on my face, the tears that I thought were completely gone.

"When the sun shines, we'll shine together," Steven said, pulling away, wiping the rain from his eyes. "Now let's get inside and take a shower, you smell like shit, and I smell like shit, everyone smells like shit."

I just want you to know that you're the best.

We walked hand in hand back to the dorm, our clothes soaking wet. Animals gave us very confused looks, but ultimately stayed out of our way, preferring to look away or rush to the bathroom. We couldn't suppress our smiles, stealing glances at one another and giggling. I felt like a little kid again, no thoughts in my head other than to smile and to feel happy. It was a weird feeling - happiness. It only found itself a place in my head when I was with him, when I was next to him, when I could feel him. And for a moment, I let go of all my fears and all my ghosts.

Steven opened the dorm room door, pushing me towards the bathroom and locking the door behind us. He stood underneath the bright lights shining down on him, almost like the sun itself was filling up the room with its comforting light. Then he fiddled around in the medicine cabinet and brought out my toothbrush and toothpaste, handing it to me and pointing to the sink.

I got the cue and immediately started brushing my teeth, hoping the sickening taste of vomit would leave my mouth faster and faster. The minty flavor of the toothpaste filled my mouth and right as I finished rinsing out my mouth, Steven pulled me into a kiss, his breathing slow but steadily rising with mine. Heat rose into my face, into my chest and into my arms, his kiss sparking up something inside of my body.

Steven took the hem of my shirt and lifted it off my body, exposing my fur to the cold air in the room. He kept kissing me, filling me up with heat and warmth as he leaned into my body, pushing me backwards, the sink digging into my back. His hands glided across my body, running through the thick fur until he reached my pants, unbuttoning them and kissing me again and again as they fell to the floor, being kicked to the side.

I was standing in only my black underwear, not caring if things went farther, not caring if the animal who everyone hated the most was being dragged away in a cop car. None of it mattered if I was with him, if I could just stand in the same room as him.

He pulled away from another kiss, and I could feel the warmth of him leaving my body as he turned the nozzle of the shower, stripping down to his underwear. His tail wagged behind him as he pulled back the curtains of the shower.

"Do you want to keep the underwear on?" he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't want to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable."

I blinked for a moment, then tore off my underwear. "You've seen it before, so I don't care."

His eyes grew wide, body completely stiff as his gaze slowly moved downwards, then back up to my eyes. "S-sure." He pulled off his underwear, tossing it in the hamper to the side, clearly uncomfortable with the light directly on him.

I was the first one in the shower, Steven following suit behind me. The warm water felt amazing on my fur, like everything was being washed away, much better than the frigid rain we stood in for like an hour. Mrs. Carter's screams were still ringing in my ears, but I drowned them out with water, keeping my attention and focused on Steven.

"We're actually doing this," Steven said, wrapping his arms around me, water rushing past our eyes.

"You got my heart and I'm head over heels with you," I said, kissing him as the screams from Mrs. Carter diminished by the second, like she was screaming into a tunnel with no light at the end.

He reached up to my face, the fur wet between his fingers, kissing me, allowing the warmth to fill me up again, settling in my stomach then going lower.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

Don't think about it.

My feelings were on fire, my whole body tense.

Steven kissed my neck, burying his snout in my fur, his hands going lower and lower.

I placed my hands on his shoulders, eyes saying, "not yet," but body screaming for more. He rolled his eyes with a smirk, placing his hands back on my chest and kissing me again.

He pulled away, his expression wavering, sadness and unease creeping into his eyes. "Where do we go from now?" he said. "What happens next?"

"What happens next?" I said, placing a finger on his lips. "We finish this shower, get dressed and forget about today."

"You know," he said, leaning his head on my chest. "When you say it like that, it sounds like nothing else could go wrong, that nothing else matters." He sighed. "But I know you can still hear her in your head, I know she still takes up a place in your heart."

"The good and the bad times, we've been through them all. But you make me rise when I fall."

He glanced up. "Just...just for a couple more minutes, let's stay like this."

"Ok," I smiled.

I held him close, knowing the pain I've caused, wondering if I could ever be redeemed.