POV: Jordan

I took in a deep breath, leaning forwards with one foot, touching the ground with my heel. Leaves blew past, the grey clouds of yesterday replaced with an empty sky, the sun finally breaking free from whatever chained it to the ground. Every part of my body was screaming at me to run, to get away from it all, to just forget about it for at least a day. So I did. I sprinted down the steps, racing past animals, the wind blowing through my fur, the scent of the clean air filling up my nose.

My legs took me off campus, running through the neighborhoods, trees overhead like a mystical garden. Nothing turned the gears in my mind, nothing at all. The only thing my eyes were focused on were the objects in front of me, a smile stuck on my face, cheeks aching from the sensation. There was so much excitement in my body, so much adrenaline coursing through each vein, each artery, each muscle. I couldn't help but wish my feline instincts would kick in, willing myself to go faster, to go farther, just to reach him.

And there he was, sitting in a café on a Sunday, glass doors blocking my view, animals walking past, crowded streets and signal lights flashing. I didn't realize how far I ran until someone bumped into me, cursing underneath their breath as they stormed past, their children trailing behind them. I turned and looked in the direction I had ran from, barely able to see my school over the hill.

I pulled open the door, the scent of coffee and sandwiches clinging to the air. Nathan was sitting in the back, a magazine over his face, ears peeking out from the sides. A giggle rose up in my throat and I quietly sat in front of him, tapping my hands on the table to finally get his attention. His ears perked up, raising his head above the magazine (a useless tabloid) and smiled his amazing smile, taped glasses and all.

He placed the magazine off to the side, a green shirt on his body, and he fixed his glasses to his face. "It's nice to see you again," he said, "well, it hasn't been that long."

My legs crossed, hanging my purse on the back of my chair as a waiter steadily approached with two menus in his hand. "Welcome!" he beamed, placing the menus in front of us. "We get a lot of couples here." He added a smile and urged us to look at the menu.

When I thought the coast was clear, laughter burst out of my throat, trying my best to cover my mouth and prevent anymore from escaping. "Does he seriously think we're a couple?" I said, struggling to hold back the giggles.

Nathan shrugged his shoulders. "I'm pretty sure he did. Why did you choose this place?" He looked around, eyebrows creased together.

"Cause it's cute," I said, picking up the menu and skimming its options. I wasn't too hungry, honestly I didn't care that we were at a cafe, I just couldn't think of any other place to meet that wasn't the audiovisual room.

"It may be cute, but I'm not exactly fond of huge crowds."

"Well at least it's a tiny café practically in the middle of nowhere."

He smirked. "We're in the inner city, hardly the middle of nowhere."

"There's no place I'd rather be," I said, looking into his eyes. He was the weirdest animal I had ever met, and yet, I couldn't tear myself away from him. I wanted to know of him, I wanted to be close to him, I wanted to love him, and I wanted him to love me back.

It's weird to think that you may like me since you hide it so well.

But if you gave me a chance, I would take it, because there's no place I'd rather be that's not with you.

The fear of rejection still took its place in my mind, still fresh like afternoon rain on a spring day. From the love with Alex, to the loss of love, to the transfer of love, to feeling nothing, to feeling something. Selfish tendencies were pushed aside when I was with him, when I was able to just...look at him. It didn't matter to me that he was a hyena, it didn't matter to me if he was creepy at the start. He had changed, just like everyone else. I still couldn't tell if he liked me, and trying to get it out of him would only expose me. He was smart, cunning, but most importantly, he was kind.

I love you, Nathan. Do you love me back?

Nathan cleared his throat. "So, what do you usually get here? I've never been here before."

I blinked, totally lost in his eyes. My ears shifted, tail flicking in the air, regaining my composure. "Oh, right," I said, looking over the menu, trying to do something with my hands to distract myself. "Well I like their lattes here, but I think it's too early for that." I glanced outside, the sun high in the sky.

"They have a couple of good looking sandwiches, but pictures are never the real thing," he said with a chuckle. "Have you heard anything about the school election yet? I know it's still up in the air, I wanted to know if you had any more information about it."

"The election?" I scratched my face, kicking my legs underneath the table. "Well I know I'm still in the lead, but I don't know if it's still...happening. After everything that has happened, I think most have kind of forgotten about it.

"Well, its stupid to make the 'election' a yearly event. Why can't they just leave it to like, a month or something?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not the one who makes the rules, that's the principal's job."

"And we've seen what a great job he's doing," he added, rolling his eyes in the most dramatic way possible. It sent flares up in my mind, exploding outwards and my tail tightened around the legs of the chair.

Is this as good as I think it is? Cause right now, I'm so into it.

Nathan yawned, outstretching his arms. I never actually took note of his teeth, of how sharp they were, of how terrifying they could be towards anyone who wasn't an herbivore. I wasn't an herbivore and they still sent a trickle of ice down my spine.

Who was I kidding? I was a snow leopard, one of the most powerful cats in the world. We were naturally selected to be killers, to be strong, powerful, fast, to even rival that of a lion. And we were an endangered species.

I forced my attention to Nathan, ignoring the thoughts in my head which so desperately wanted to take up my time. "So," I said, moving my glass of water around the table, "any plans for the summer?"

"Summer?" His interest piqued. "Can't say my family really does anything. Last year we went to a ski resort. It was kinda weird to be the only hyena family among thousands of huskies, foxes and brown bears." He rolled his eyes, again. "If you can already tell, there weren't any herbivores."

I hummed to myself. "You know, you never really talk about your family." He looked at me, and I paused for a second. "...sorry if that was a little bit upfront."

He shrugged his shoulders. "We're friends, right? Telling you is better than keeping it in."

Yeah...just friends.

Nathan sighed, rubbing his temples. "Right, my family. Well, I have a younger sister, she's still in middle school. Her 8th grade friends are bitches...but she sticks with them because she has nobody else. My mom quit her job my sophomore year and decided she'd rather stay at home. My dad works for a law firm." He slanted his mouth. "That's about it. What about you?"

My eyes shifted over to my glass of water. Half empty, or half full? "Well, you already know about my dad. I was in a car crash when I was little, Mom was fine, but Dad died. I never...got to say goodbye." Talking about it was like opening up fresh wounds. "I have no siblings, so I was always close to my mom after Dad died. Then Mom started dating this snow leopard named Richard. I used to hate him, despise him even. Somedays I wanted him dead, but I knew what it would do to Mom. So I went with it, internally hating her because of it." I waved my hand. "But that's over now. I've changed and things are looking up. I'm pretty sure Richard might propose soon." I smiled, picturing Mom in her wedding dress that made her look like she was floating on air.

"Wow," Nathan said. "You've been through some shit."

"Not as much as Alex," I said, heart tensing at just the sheer name of him.

"Well, not everyone can say they've been through parental abuse, struggled with suicide and depression, and lived to tell the tale. He's a lot stronger than he wants us to believe."

"I know," I said, holding the glass of water to my lips.

It was silence after that, the only sounds being chatter from animals around us and plates being placed as servers delivered food to tables. In truth, I wanted to talk more about Alex, wanted to ask if Nathan knew anything I didn't. There was more than just chemistry between Alex and I. Well, it was only one-sided.

They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in a blink of an eye.

All this time I was looking for love. Trying to make things work, thinking they weren't good enough, until I thought I was through, telling myself I was done. Then I stumbled into the arms of the one.

I was the one to break the silence which befell us. "Hey, do you think...things have changed?"

"Changed?" he asked, leaning forward just a bit, eyes pondering mine. "Like...us?"

"Yeah," I said, figuring out the right words to say. "Like, you, Alex, me, Steven, Dalton, anyone else you can think of. Do you think we've changed? Cause sometimes, I think everything is still the same, that nothing has changed, that everyone is still just as broken as they used to be."

Nathan looked down to the table, the light reflecting off his glasses. "I know I'm awkward and probably the creepiest animal the school has ever seen. Nobody knows me. I sit in the shadows typing away at my keyboard, thinking about unrealistic situations and pondering what life would be like if I…" his voice trailed off. He sighed, closing his eyes. "I don't know. I'd like to think that everything has changed. The friendliness towards the newer students, the family-like bond between the herbivore and carnivores of the school. I know you've changed though, you wouldn't be my friend if you didn't change."

"Is it a good change?"

He shook his head as he shrugged his shoulders. "I…I don't know. I usually just tell myself that I'll cry about it later. I seem to have a problem with bottling up my emotions, if you can even believe that." He added a chuckle at the end, but it was forced, he didn't even try to hide it.

The waiter came by with our food and we ate in silence, stealing glances from one another, then focusing back on our food. Occasionally one of our phones would ring, or we would check to see if there were any notifications, even if our phones were on silent.

I was the first to finish my food, and I awkwardly watched as Nathan finished his food. He was polite in the way he ate, picking at his food with his fork, shoving small bites into his mouth, using a napkin which was carefully laid out on his thigh to wipe his mouth. He was right about being the weirdest animal in the school, I'd give him that. But he was my weird animal, he was my friend. I was going to accept him no matter what he acted like.

"Nathan?" I asked. He looked up from his phone, one of his ears twitching. "Do you...do you love-" I forced my teeth together, "I'm glad we're friends," I finally said with restraint in my voice. No doubt he noticed everything I just did.

His lips lifted a little. "I'm glad we're friends too."

GOD WHY CAN'T I JUST TELL HIM HOW I FEEL? IT WASN'T THIS HARD WITH ALEX.

No wait, yes it was.

The waiter brought over one check, Nathan eyeing it. Then the waiter left.

"Uhh," Nathan said, "I can pay for it if you want."

Ask for separate checks, ask for separate checks, ask for separate checks. ASK. FOR. SEPARATE. CHECKS.

"Do you mind?" I said, rummaging for nothing in my purse.

"It's fine. There's a reason why I have my dad's credit card." He flashed a rectangular blue piece of plastic in my direction and stuffed it into the check. "It always feels weird to ask for separate checks when they only bring one, so I just...go with it."

"Yeah," I chuckled nervously. "I'm...the same way."

I wasn't the same way.

Everybody's been down, hit the bottom, hit the ground. So why do I feel like I'm at ROCK BOTTOM?

"Jordan?" Nathan said. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Having second thoughts about something?"

If you panic, HE. WILL. NOTICE.

I shoved my feelings down, father than they've ever gone before. "I'm doing fine. Just getting kinda tired of this cafe."

He raised an eyebrow with a smirk on his face. "You're the one who suggested it. Don't tell me you're getting cold feet now."

"I'm not getting cold feet!" I argued. "I'm just," I stammered, biting my cheek. Better to just stop talking altogether.

I love you.

If we were under a mistletoe, would you kiss me?

The waiter returned with the check and Nathan stuffed his credit card back into his wallet, standing up and extending a hand towards me. "Come on, you said you didn't want to be here anymore." His tail was spinning in circles behind him.
I took his hand, feeling like Cinderella meeting the prince, without the glass slipper and evil step sisters. There was a brief moment where we made eye contact, his brown eyes staring deeply into my blue. And for a second, for just one tiny second, my heart fluttered. It was fluttering before in my chest, skipping beats when he talked, but now, it fluttered.

I'm having a heart attack.

I need a hug.

Nathan led me out of the café and into the warm spring air, suggesting that summer was coming faster than we wanted it to. No more heartbeats under coats, no more snow layering the ground as it sparkled in the sunlight, and no more huddling close to keep warm. We had all the warmth we needed, and if we got too hot, we'd trim our fur.

I'm perfectly fine, I can live on my own.

I'm better off being alone anyway.

"So," Nathan said, shielding his eyes from the sun, "what do you want to do next? We have the whole day since it is the weekend. How long has it been since we've actually had a weekend?"

"Too long," I said, letting go of his hand, the sticky feeling of sweat creeping onto my back. It was unusual for animals to sweat, you couldn't really see it underneath their fur and the fur would just absorb it. But still, it wasn't a totally new experience. This just meant that I needed to trim my fur before heatstroke settled in.

The buildings around me brought back memories of times past. They were supposed to be kept in the vault of my mind, never to be seen again. My mind didn't care as it allowed them to flood into my brain.

"Hey, Nathan?" I asked, grabbing the hand I had just let go of. "Do you remember that time I was with Alex and Steven and we met at the supermarket?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, you were hiding in one of the isles."

"Yeah...I guess you deserve a reason for that."

"Well, you were scared of me then, well...creeped out I guess is the better word."

My eyes went low to the concrete, cars racing past as the signal light turned green. "Yeah…" my voice trailed off, humiliated and ashamed for acting terrible towards him. "Sorry about that," I said.

"It's fine," he said as we began to walk, our fingers laced together. "I just assumed you were weirded out by me, it's not unusual."

"You say it's not unusual, that it's normal. But it must suck to constantly have to tell yourself that it's normal to be avoided." Frustration clouded my mind. "I don't know how you do it, how you act so calm and rational and...not let your emotions take control over your actions." A twinge of guilt, or maybe pity, took up valuable space in my head. "I'm nothing like you. I let my emotions drive me, and I get mad when things don't turn out the way I want."

"Yeah," he said, nodding his head to the side, "but that's what makes you...well, you . Everyone's personalities are distinct, they're not always determined by our genetics or our upbringing, it's just who we are. My sister is the exact opposite of me, sometimes she reminds me of you a lot, you two are very similar. My dad is calm, but that's only because of his job. Inside, I know he's struggling with alcoholism. My mom is sweet and sincere on the outside, but on the inside, she hates everyone. We're all different. And yet, do I act like my mom at all?" He glanced at me, eyes shifted to the side.

Is this a question?

"I've never met your mom," I said.

"I've never met yours either," he said with a smile.

Does he want to meet my mom? DUDE YOU'RE SENDING WAY TOO MANY MIXED SIGNALS. ISN'T THAT THE GIRLS JOB?

Change. The. Subject.

"So," I said as we walked, our feet hitting the pavement in sync. "The advanced classes you're in. How are they?"

His eyes squinted. "How are they? Well, for starters, they're not hard. Our school really needs to up the ante on the curriculum."

I chuckled a bit. "How are they not hard? I'm struggling in my regular English class. Essays are the worst."

He ruminated on my comment for a bit, taking a glance at the buildings before us. "Well, most of the things they're teaching us I already know. It's not anything we're learning is really groundbreaking, you know? It's just mostly how dogs can overthrow the government and easily become a dictator and all that jazz."

I stopped him before he could open his mouth to speak again. "Wait, wait, wait. Dog dictatorship? Is that even a thing?"

He nodded his head. "Oh yes, although it's not common to really learn about it since I'm hardly related to any dog species. But my classmates are dogs."

"Is Steven in any of these classes?

"Nah. I don't want to say he isn't smart enough, cause he is, but the school...well they want only the best students in them."

I looked at him quizzically. "But you're not a dog, so how did you get in?"

He tapped his skull. "Cause I'm freaking smart, that's how."

His abruptness caused me to giggle and a smile forced its way on my mouth. "What's all this brainpower gonna do once it graduates high school?" I asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe win the Beastar award, or maybe just...nothing. I don't know what I want to do with my life. School always tells you that you need to know what you want to do, that you need to have your life planned out, otherwise, you're screwed. But the truth is, it's ok to not know what you want to do in life. We still have time to think about our choices, we still have time to make decisions. We're only juniors, we still have a whole year to think about college."

I sighed, wanting to place my hands in pockets that didn't exist anymore. "Can't believe we're gonna be seniors." My eyes grew wider. "Can't believe we still have another year of this shit. Like, with everything that's happened, is it going to happen again? Will history just repeat itself?"

Nathan let silence fill the air. Silence with him wasn't a good thing.

When he finally spoke, we were on our way back to the school, footsteps in sync, hands no longer tied together, eyes no longer looking at one another. "I want to believe that history doesn't repeat itself. You're going to win the election and you'll be able to change the way things are run around the school. You might not get an office like Brittney, but you still have the audiovisual club. And if I have to take over as president, then I'll do whatever I can to make sure it stays true to the values you've set."

The school came into view, its red brick and white pillars taking up the whole sky. Even if it was on a hill, it still towered over the rest of the world.

Nathan and I passed through the security at the front gate, showing our off campus permits and being allowed back into the school. Ever since the incident with Mrs. Carter, security became stricter, police were enforced everywhere and if a carnivore was seen arguing with an herbivore, they were immediately suspected of predation. Things had to get worse before they could get better, right?

"Hey," Nathan said as we reached the front of the school, "this was fun, we should do it more often."

"You mean, going out to eat?" I asked, hesitant to leave his side.

"Yeah, it was fun. We never really got to spend time together with everything happening. But now since it's over, we have all the time in the world."

Could we stay this simple?

Could we just...forget about everything, just us together?

Can I do that with you?

"Right," I said, holding back emotions that wanted to surface. "Yeah totally, we can do this again."

He pulled open the door with a smile, then left my sight.

Call it what you want.

Wind blew past my face and I entered the school, holding back emotions and tears. I just wanted to tell him how I felt, to tell him I loved him. I knew I made the same mistakes, bridges burned, towers crashed, but I just wanted to feel like I did something right.

This love is good.

This love is bad.

What is wrong with me?

I didn't know what to do, so I called Alex.

Sitting in my dorm room only made me feel even more alone. I thought I could connect with the dead in the room, allowing myself to just let it fill me up. It didn't turn out like that, it only made me feel worse, only brought pain into my heart and my soul.

I just wanted love, I just wanted to love somebody.

There was a quick knock at the door and I hastily opened it, revealing the soft, big grey wolf at my doorstep.

"What's wrong?" Alex said as he walked in. "I don't think you've been in here awhile." There were clothes on the ground from a couple months ago when Carly and Stephanie rushed to leave as quickly as possible. I wasn't even in the room when they left.

"What's wrong?" I repeated, sitting back down on my bed and holding my hands close together. "I don't know what's wrong." He sat down next to me and I laid my head on his shoulder, wanting to cry but holding it in. "I fell for somebody, and I don't think he likes me back. It's so hard to tell with him, so hard to just," I sighed out my emotions, the dams breaking in my mind, "it's...everything is just so hard, just so impossible."

Alex wrapped his arms around me, and I couldn't hold back the emotions anymore, I couldn't contain what so desperately wanted to be freed. I cried into his shoulder, pounding my fists against his chest. "I was so stupid to think I could find love, to think somebody could love me!"

"That's not true," he said in a light voice. "I love you, Steven loves you. There's a lot of animals who love you. I'm sure Nathan loves you, he's just not the best at showing it."

"I ruin all my chances."

Alex pouted. "Hey! That's my job.

That brought out a chuckle in me as I wiped my tears away, grateful for his sincerity. "Thank you," I said, looking up at him. "Thanks for dealing with me. I know I'm a bit emotional at times."

His eyes rolled and he stood up, picking up the clothes scattered around the floor and grunting. "It's fine, don't worry about it. What are friends for anyway?" He folded up the clothes and placed them on the dresser, hands on his hips, admiring his handy work. "Look, I'm sure Nathan really likes you, but he's too awkward to tell you himself. Has he asked you to the dance?"

"No," I said, eyes to the floor.

"Well, I'm sure he will, don't worry about it. And if he doesn't, then you can ask him."

I wiped away more tears from my eyes. "How did I end up with such a great friend like you?"

He smiled, that smile I've loved forever. "I could say the same about you. What did you guys even do today?"

My body let go of its high, rational thinking returning and emotions leveling down. "We just went to a cafe and talked for a while, nothing too interesting."

"It was interesting to you, wasn't it?" I nodded my head. "And did he seem to enjoy himself?"

"Yeah, he said he wanted to do it again."

Alex grabbed my shoulders. "See!" He exclaimed as he playfully and lightly shook me. "He likes you!"

I laughed. "I guess he does. I don't know what I was thinking. Anyways, are you going to the dance with Steven?"

"I am. He said I would look hot in a suit.

I bit my lip. "He isn't lying."

He rolled his eyes and smirked, sending back the same energy.

This wolf that I had loved found someone else to love, found another animal to take up his time. And I had thought I had found someone to love, someone to hold hands with. Maybe it was just my mind fucking everything up like it usually did, telling me nobody cared for some reason. But there were many reasons for them to care, for Nathan to care. Alex was right about one thing, Nathan was bad at showing and expressing his emotions. Maybe asking to see me again was his way of telling me he liked me.

There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I was headed for it, the sound of a train passing only mere seconds ago.

"Thanks, Alex," I said, getting up from the bed and holding him close. "Thanks for everything. And I'm sorry for all the shit you've been through, I'm sorry you have to add mine onto your pile of dirty laundry."

"I'm getting better," he said, his voice close and low in my ears. "It's going to take awhile, I know that, but I have you with me. You were always with me, every second of every day. So I'm going to be there for you, every second of every day."

He was warm, his body bigger than mine, everything about him filling me up with happiness.

"I'm sure Nathan really likes you," he said, pulling away from the embrace. "He wouldn't have agreed to go out with you or have spent a hundred hours working with you towards the campaign and the investigation if he didn't. So, just stay hopeful, ok?" I nodded my head and he lightly brushed my shoulder. "I can stay a little while if you want, I have nowhere to be."

I looked towards the ground. Was it selfish of me to say yes? To just stay with my first love, even if I didn't love like that anymore?

No, it wasn't selfish. I just needed a friend.

"Yeah," I said, "stay for awhile. I've missed you, I've missed my friend."