Desire

by creaatingmadness

He's leaning against a wall, his taut body stretching slightly higher than those he stands next to. His copper hair goes blue then red as the lights flicker over him, washing him in neon light. He's heaven and hell. Forbidden fruit. But I've tasted it. Sunk my teeth into it and devoured the sweet insides. MA. Explicit Lemons. BxE. *Drabble*

77. Chapter 77

18+

LXXVII

It's been three months without touching him, without hugging him.

I haven't had any drugs or alcohol in two. Neither has he, according to Jasper.

Life without Edward is actually okay.

I go to therapy three times a week, I spend time with my friends, truly spend time with them, instead of just going through the motions.

It took me a while to realise that while my friends were always there for me, I was never really there for them, except maybe Jasper.

It's one of the hard truths Heidi has helped me uncover.

She taught me that you have to open up to someone in order to let them truly open up to you too, that friendship is built on mutual trust, and mutual stability.

The past few months, I've gotten to know my friends better than ever before, especially Rose.

She's different now too, softer, gentler, though just as fierce and strong.

Charlie and I don't talk, but he sends me money every month.

I think it's easier for him this way, not having me in the house with him.

Edward's dad is in prison now, and Charlie's moved onto hunting someone else. Before I left I told him that if he ever tried to pin anything on Edward, that I'd go to the papers about him and ruin his career.

He'd just sighed at me and told me to do whatever I want.

Heidi says that grief does strange things to people, and together we decided that I remind Charlie too much of everything he's lost.

It's not my fault he doesn't care for me the way he used to, and it doesn't mean I'm unlovable.

That took a long time to sink in.

'Do you think you're ready?' Heidi asks me calmly.

She always says things in that tone.

It used to infuriate me.

It's impossible to guess what answer she wants when she asks like that.

'Yes.' I say softly. 'I'm ready.'

'Why?' She smiles at me.

I swallow, 'Because I…I can live without him. I just…never want to.'

Heidi closes her book and places it next to her. 'So, will you tell him?'

My teeth sink into my bottom lip, 'What if he's not ready?'

She shrugs, 'What if he's not?'

I play with the stitching on the sofa, 'Then I'll wait until he is.' I say softly.

Her smile widens.

I swallow, 'What do I even do? How do I tell him I'm ready?'

Heidi studies me, 'I've always thought, hi, is a good place to start.'

I grin at her.