78. Live By The Sword
Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of Death, I shall fear no evil...because I am the meanest bastard in the goddamn Valley.
-Staff Sgt. Skyes, Jarhead
The tuft of grass tickled Bakugo's nose as he crouched in the dirt, his team surrounding him. He shifted it in his mouth, chewing absently as he used a stick to draw a crude map. "So, Smiley's boy says that Muscular is staying there, in that hotel, along with Moonfish. They're forming up a crew to come hit us back at base. But we're gonna be bustin' their party early, before all their forces mass here."
The others huddled around Bakugo silently. They knew the plan already, but it was a good idea to go over it. One last time.
"I ain't Nerd or Goggles, so we're gonna keep this shit simple. Whiskers, you and your boys are going with Smiley, Pinky, and Rocky. You're blowing up that fuel depo and bustin' as many of their vehicles as you can manage. You got five minutes. Then high tail it, understood?"
Sergeant Tamakawa, head of the elite force of police they had brought, saluted. "Understood, sir. We've got one of those new suits Midoriya gave us, and some heavy weapons. We'll handle it."
"Right. The rest of you are with Princess Sparkles and Icy Hot," Bakugo said, pointing to the others. He had along with him a few pros like Fat Gum that could be trusted to know what to do, but they needed to understand the pecking order "Your job is simple: You kill as many of those bastards as you can manage. You don't gotta make it flashy, just make it count."
"Zére weehl be blood zis night," Aoyama agreed. "Zey know what eez expected, oui?"
A year ago, Bakugo wouldn't have trusted Aoyama to manage anything harder than a sleepover with a bunch of damn kittens. Now he privately thought the Frenchman was the scariest son of a bitch here, and Bakugo was including himself in that count. Rumor had it he'd personally slit Chisaki's throat and pushed him off a cliff with a cheery "Au revoir!" Bakugo had seen him ice enough MLA, and now PLF, that he believed it. For a fruitcake, he was a stone cold killer. Though him shacking up with Tsu sort of killed the fruitcake theory, but Bakugo wasn't one to judge. They'd left the other frog back at base though. This wasn't a water mission, and she was the first to admit that was her home element.
"Yeah. I don't like it, but I like bastards who round up folks and torture them to death less," Fat Gum growled, cracking his knuckles one at a time. The other pros nodded, their expressions grim. Everyone had seen the photos of the quirkless concentration camps. There wouldn't be any prisoners taken tonight, on either side.
"Right. Hurl's with me. We've got one job: Kill any and all PLF brass that were stupid enough to show their hides this close to home. They're supposed to be here on the lowdown, so they shouldn't be expecting us. Remember: this is a lighting raid. We're supposed to be just hitting a minor outpost, and when we realize they've got heavies here, we book it. You get into trouble, you radio for Spiral and Chickenlips, and they come and save your asses, got it?"
Hado nodded, looking worried, though Amajiki just kept a blank expression on his face. He might piss himself at the thought of public speaking, but he wouldn't hesitate to charge a dozen PFL elites and rip them limb from limb with his bear hands. Not a metaphor: he'd tracked and killed a bear a week ago, and turned it into jerky. He'd had some earlier and was ready to go bear, along with some various birds. Bastard had to have a cast iron stomach.
"Questions?" Bakugo asked. No one spoke up.
"Right. Leads, set your watches to my mark. Mark. Show time is in 8 minutes. Get to your positions."
The others departed, leaving Bakugo and Uraraka alone. He spat out the grass stem, grimacing as he looked down at the small camp below them. "This had better work. I hope Smiley had the right intel."
"He's out here risking his neck with the rest of us," Uraraka pointed out, coming over to lean against Bakugo. It was hard to see her in the dark. She'd ditched the showy costume like everyone else, having briefly taken it out for the wedding. Now she wore a combat vest, helmet, and custom gloves. She'd even taken to using a rifle and grenades. A quirk was useful, sure, but it was hard to beat a bullet a lot of the time, though most of the PLF's elites were varying levels of resistance to small arms fire. Not to half ton boulders falling on their heads though, which was still her favorite method of attack.
Bakugo, however, didn't need a gun. These days he could move nearly as fast as a bullet, and with his explosions back and stronger than ever somehow, he had no need for those sorts of toys either.
"I don't question Hitoshi's balls," Bakugo grunted. "But we're about to look real damn stupid if he's wrong. We did confirm Chapstick's down near Kyoto, right?"
"Last report," Uraraka agreed. "You saw it, same as me."
"Hmph." Half of Bakugo wanted Shigaraki to be here. Fight him now, get it over with. The other half, the smarter half, would have pissed his pants in fright and knew that he was in no way ready to throw down with the new All For One. Bakugo was barely used to having his old quirk back, and he was in no way ready to use the rest of his new abilities against someone as dangerous as Shigaraki. Sure, he'd slaughtered a few mooks and taken out Toga and maybe Twice, but Toga at the end of the day had been a crazy bitch with a knife, and Twice's clones had all gone down easily. Shigaraki would not be so easy.
Neither would Bakugo's prey this night.
Gunfire erupted off to his left near the vehicle park, and a moment later Shinso reported, "We tripped some alarm system, they're twigged to us. Do we abort?"
"No, attack!" Bakugo ordered. He glanced at Uraraka. "Mount up."
She jumped on his back, and a split second later he lept into the sky, gravity's hold on him gone. No explosions for now, he used the Black Whip like propellers to guide them so that they hovered in the night sky over the now lit battlefield. Fires were raging where the fuel dump was, a moment later there was a deafening bang and a shockwave rocked Bakugo in the air. One objective down.
"Zeir alairm was triggairéd, but most of zem, zéy wairé steehl sleepéng, non," Aoyama reported as his laster began to shine in the night. "We caught zem wiv zeir pents down! Let zem 'ave eet!"
"There!" Uraraka called, pointing to the vehicle park. She had on a set of night vision goggles with a zoom scope, provided by Mei of course. "I see Muscular and Moonfish!"
"DIE!" Bakugo screamed, now using a blast to shoot them down. Uraraka separated from him, drawing her rifle as they descended and opening fire, the recoil slowing her fall.
Bakugo crashed into Moonfish with a bellow of rage, the impact cleanly snapping the murderous maniacs back. He was probably dead already, but Bakugo pointed a hand at Moon Fish's head and let loose with a satisfying boom. What remained of the PLF commander wasn't enough to fill an ash can after that.
"Well well well! Look who showed up again!" Muscular laughed, turning from the group blowing up vehicles to face Bakugo, bullets simply bouncing off of his skin. His shirt was blackened and torn where a rocket had impacted, and that hadn't phased him either. "It won't be like last time, boy. No tricks! Just the two of us, man to man, will against-"
Bakugo raced forward, aiming right for Muscular's gut. The big man barely had time to register a look of shock at how fast Bakugo was moving. Bakugo felt ribs crack and shatter as he slammed his elbow into Muscular. Air, vomit, and then blood spewed from Muscular's lips, but Bakugo didn't take time to notice. He planted his right foot, then snapped his left up, the heel of his boot shattering Muscular's jaw. Muscular flew a dozen meters away, landing in a broken pile.
Again, Bakugo didn't leave anything to chance. Though this time, he didn't have to. A flaming hulk of a truck slammed into Muscular, then exploded, dousing his remains in burning fuel.
Bakugo turned to see Uraraka grinning, shaking her hands to get rid of the flames. Two dead PLF soldiers were at her feet, one with a bullet through his forehead, the other crushed by rubble.
"Fall back!" Bakugo bellowed into his radio. "That's enough! The heat here is worse than we thought. Fall back, dammit!"
"Sacre buhlu, we waire winnéng you pompous ass! Fine zen, men, fall bak! Gét la wounded and retreat! Merde, whaire eez ur air suppairt?"
Hado and her troops chose that moment to open up, their fire covering Aoyama's group as they retreated. Bakugo grabbed Uraraka and flipped her onto his back, dashing through the burning remains of the vehicle park to rejoin the others as they retreated. They had a few wounded with them, and it looked like Mittens had bought the farm. At least, Bakugo was pretty sure that it was hard to live with half your face taken off by shrapnel. He grimaced, but accepted the price.
They did a head count back at the rally point two kilometers away. The blaze behind them lit the night sky up like it was nearly daytime, and Bakugo couldn't help a vicious, satisfied grin.
"Alright, what's the damage?" Bakugo asked the leads, Shinso having taken over now that Mittens was out of the picture.
"Mina's down. Bad leg wound," Shinso reported. "She should live, but Rocky's gonna have to carry her the rest of the way."
"Poor bastard, bet she gives him another ride when they get back!" Bakugo chuckled, getting a few tight grins. "Right, I saw Tamakawa. We get the body out?"
"No, used a grenade and incinerated it. We needed to move quick. His buddies understand. They'd do the same for us. Nothing for the enemy, but worry about the living first," Shinso said, his deep set eyes looking a bit more haunted than usual.
"Then he can ride herd on those bastards down in hell!" Bakugo barked. "And they'll know Tamakawa set them!"
That got a vicious roar of approval from the cops and heroes alike. Bakugo nodded approvingly. There weren't any virgins at this party in any sense of the word. "Right. Mount up, and let's get back in time for breakfast. Hado, your people rest up. I'm on overwatch," Bakugo ordered.
"Yeah, OK," Hado agreed, sounding drained. She had run more missions than just about anyone else, and she needed the rest. As for Bakugo, he popped another caffeine pill and handed one to Uraraka as she climbed on his back once more.
"Another ride when she gets back? You should have seen poor Pinky's face," Uraraka chided, though she was giggling as she did so.
"Was I wrong?" Bakugo asked as they floated up, more gently this time.
He could feel Uraraka's laugh, and almost see her smile. "Probably not. Maybe if you're good, I'll give you one too."
"You'd better. You know fighting makes me horny as hell," Bakugo said, slipping on a pair of night vision goggles of his own. That was one quirk he didn't seem to have picked up, though he had plenty of others now.
"That's something we have in common. But eyes up. They could come after us."
"Maybe," Bakugo said, shrugging as he watched the others pile into their vehicles and start back up the winding mountain road. "But we gave them a hell of a bloody nose. Their little raid is certainly spoiled for now."
As it turned out, a few of the PLF elites did try to bushwack them, but Uraraka saw them coming. A quick landing and a little exercise, and they left behind another dozen treats for the worms. After that, there were no further incidents.
They made it back just after dawn, and Bakugo paused to give Izuku his report at the entrance. Poor nerd had dark circles under his eyes, and so did Mei. They'd probably been up all night together, worrying. Well. At least he cared.
"Aoyama's team got at least thirty, maybe forty of them, dead or badly wounded," Bakugo stated. "The depo's blown to hell and gone, and if there's a single working truck left there I'll be surprised. Moonfish and Muscular won't be bothering anyone ever again. We took care of them. Left a dozen elites with fast moving quirks dead in the forest, they tried to counter attack. Didn't work out for them."
"Casualties?" Izuku asked, sounding pained. He did like to beat himself up. Sometimes, you had to pay the price of doing business. It sucked, but that was life.
"Tamakawa's dead. Mina's hurt bad, couple other wounded. They should get fixed up easy enough though. Hado needs rest, so do the rest of her team. Probably give them a few days off," Bakugo advised.
"Will do. Thank you. You did well, Katsuki. Get some rest yourself."
Bakugo stopped Izuku before he could go down and congratulate the troops and comfort the cops. "Hey. You're doin' good too, Izuku. Don't be so hard on yourself. You making sure he's sleeping, Mei? Don't screw his brains out now."
"Izuku's helmet fits very well, it will not hurt his brain, I do not make it too tight," Mei said, nodding. "And he is taking a nap after we tell everyone good job. I gave him decaf coffee this morning."
"Geeze Mei, don't poison him!" Uraraka laughed.
Mei laughed too, but Bakugo could tell she wasn't quite sure why. She did that sometimes. It was cute, in a weird sort of way.
Since they were both riled up still, Bakugo and Uraraka blew off some steam, then showered before finally retiring to bed. They lay there, holding one another, and Bakugo started to tremble, flexing his fists in frustration.
"What's wrong?" Uraraka asked, sliding up to study Bakugo's face.
"It's just...Dammit. Could All Might have saved Tamakawa? Could Togata?" Bakugo whispered. "I couldn't. Didn't even see it happen."
"I don't know," Uraraka said, rolling on top of Bakugo. She planted a kiss on his forehead, smiling at him. "But you did your best. You did what we set out to do. People will be safe today because Muscular's team can't go raiding. It's sad about Tamakawa, but, well, sometimes...we can't save everyone."
"I should," Bakugo whispered. "I should. I'm the One For All. Doesn't that mean Tamakawa too? Man's got a wife and kids. What do we tell them?"
"That he was a hero. And they should be proud," Uraraka whispered. "Just relax. Here. Let me help."
After a while, Uraraka collapsed next to Bakugo and started snoring. He played with her hair for a bit, then drifted off himself.
A new person was waiting for him, this time atop a tower that stood above the clouds.
"So, which one are you?" Bakugo asked. She was dressed in a black bodysuit, a white cape dangling from her shoulders. She was the first woman he'd met here, though he'd been told there were a few. It was weird to think he had actual chicks living in his head, but honestly at this point not much was going to surprise him.
"Nana Shimura. Seventh Bearer," she said, extending a hand sheathed in a tough leather glove. Bakugo took it, and her grip would have crushed him if he hadn't had One For All pulsing in his veins.
"So, you're the one who trained All Might? You must be one hell of a BAMF," Bakugo commented. "He thinks so, anyway, and I respect his opinion. What's on the curriculum today?"
Nana smiled, but it was a sad, wan thing. "Have a seat with me, Bakugo." She walked over, sitting and dangling her feet over the edge into the void.
Bakugo did the same, looking down and wondering how long he'd fall if he jumped. He could fly with his explosions, of course, and this was a dream or something anyway, but it might be fun.
"I am here to tell you how to kill my grandson," Nana said after they'd sat in silence for a few minutes. "It is...painful, to speak of."
"Grandson?" Bakugo asked, frowning. "Shit lady, I don't go around killing kids."
"He is no child, now. And, he is no Shimura, either. He renounced that name. You know Tenko by another name. Tomura Shigaraki."
Bakugo glanced at Nana to make sure it wasn't a twisted joke. Her sickened expression told him what he needed to know, and he looked out at the horizon. "Shit. Sorry."
"Yes," Nana whispered, her voice hoarse. "He killed my son. His father. And his mother, her parents, and my granddaughter. Some of them...it was a horrible accident. A terrible way for a quirk to first manifest. But his father...that, that was when Tenko died. He did it on purpose. And he enjoyed it. And I could do...nothing. I did worse than nothing. I told Toshinori to stay away from him. And he did. I created All For One."
"Well, that sucks and all, but that's a load of bullshit," Bakugo said. Nana turned to glare at him, and Bakugo glared right back. "I've seen Chapstick. He's a bastard. Something's wrong inside him. Well, guess what? I was, and am, a bastard, and I am all kinds of messed up, in case you hadn't noticed."
Nana started, shaking her head. "No, you are-"
"What I've chosen to be," Bakugo interrupted. "With the help of a lot of people."
"But my grandson never had anyone to help him. Even his father, my own son, didn't help him, instead abusing him. Perhaps if I had simply seen to my family instead of pursing All For One…"
"So? Maybe if Shigaraki had his own Inui or Ochako, he'd be different. Maybe we never would have got All Might and Japan would never have had a chance. Who knows. But what Shigaraki did was still his choice. Just like it was mine to tell Izuku to jump off a building. Don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that shit. If he had...well. We'd be screwed. But I changed. I chose to change. Shigaraki's where he's at cause he chose to be there. Sure, he's got a bad quirk. Sure, shit sucked growing up. But like you said: he killed his dad, and he enjoyed it. He made his own bed. Bastard's earned what's coming to him, and I'm the delivery system."
Slowly, Nana nodded. "I suppose. I'll still never forgive myself."
"Yeah. I can understand."
They sat for a time, until Nana sighed. "My quirk is Float. It lets us fly. You don't seem to need it, though."
"Lady, I'm going to need every trick I can get my hands on to beat Chapstick," Bakugo said, standing. "So no offense, but put on your big girl panties. I need to learn whatever it is you've got to teach me."
"Very well. I can tell you very little about Shigaraki. I was dead when he was born," Nana said, sliding off the building floating up to eye level with Bakugo. "But I'll teach you what I can about my fights with All For One. Bear in mind, I lost."
"Nah. Bastards dead. You were just playing the long game," Bakugo answered with a grin.
Bakugo didn't know what time it was when he awoke, but when he did, he floated off the bed, just a little. Uraraka continued to snore, and he took the sheet off of himself, gently tucking her in. He kissed her forehead, then got dressed.
After grabbing some rice balls and a hotdog from the cafeteria, Bakugo wandered for a bit. He spied an office with a sign that surprised him in the medical ward, and strolled over. Counseling.
"Hound Dog?" Bakugo said, sticking his head in. To his shock, it wasn't his old teacher, but Shiozaki who was sitting at a desk, reading from a large leather bound book. "Oh, sorry, you waiting for Inui?"
"No. Mr. Inui is still recovering," Shiozaki said, smiling and closing her book. It had a weird "T" shape on the front. "Re-manifesting his quirk is proving to be a painful experience. But please, come in, and have a seat, Bakugo," Shiozaki said, gesturing to a couch against the wall. "My father is visiting with some families, but I am taking his place for now."
"What, you some sort of therapist?" Bakugo half-joked, but he did enter and shut the door behind himself. He trusted Shiozaki, even if she did talk funny and believed in a magic vending machine in the sky.
"Indeed. It was my original desire to be a therapist, before I embarked on the path of a hero. My father is one, in a way. That is much of a minister's vocation," she explained.
Bakugo slumped in the chair opposite hers, glancing around the room. It was still a bunker room, metal walls with a fresh coat of paint in them, shelving riveted to the wall. But they'd done up the place nice- a few potted plants, some pictures of that guy Shiozaki was always talking about, and of course, him getting his ass killed. Why people wanted to have a carving of an impliment of torture and a guy getting executed on it hung up was beyond Bakugo. But the plants were nice.
"So, therapize me. Tell me this shit isn't going to last forever and that I'm a good boy or something," Bakugo said, still not meeting Shiozaki's eyes. He could tell getting into a shouting match with her wasn't an option like it was with Inui. That, and he'd sort of grown beyond that, a little at least.
"This too shall pass," Shiozaki agreed. "Though I hardly think you qualify as a 'good' boy, Bakugo."
Bakugo finally met her eyes, giving Shiozaki a crooked grin. "Well hell, at least you talk straight. Inui did that too."
"What is goodness though? To you, Bakugo. I'm not trying to ask a trick question."
"Ochako," Bakugo said, scratching at his chin. He hadn't shaved in a few days, but he didn't have much more than fuzz. Razors were getting hard to find, so he'd probably have to use a knife.
"She is a kind soul," Shiozaki agreed. "Though I think perhaps you mean good more in a carnal sense."
"Well, she is a good lay, but no, that's not what I'm talking about," Bakugo mused. He turned sideways in the chair, putting his arms behind his head and kicking his feet up. "She's just...kind. Makes everyone feel good about themselves. Room gets brighter when she walks in, and it ain't just me that thinks that. Wish I could be that way, sometimes. Hell, I feel like I've corrupted her. You know she killed for me. The first time. Felt like shit about that."
"There is a time for everything, Bakugo," Shiozaki told him. "Even to kill. You understand that. Will you be able to set down your sword, though?"
Bakugo glanced at her, then back at that picture of the guy. What was his name? He couldn't remember. Bakugo was terrible with names. Why he gave everyone nicknames. "There's always gonna need to be a demon."
"I think not. Besides, you are no longer a Demon. You have changed greatly since I first saw you at the Sports Festival, have you not? Why is that?"
"Cause I got my ass kicked for the first time in my life. The nerd took my quirk and shoved it right up my ass. I'd always thought he was weak because he didn't have a quirk. He damn well proved me wrong."
"You think Midoriya is strong because he is quirkless?" Shiozaki asked, her lips quivering slightly towards a smile.
"What? What's so fuckin' funny?" Bakugo demanded, glaring at her. "That's why, right? Because he had to make himself strong, instead of just being born that way."
"Bakugo. Who is the strongest person you know? Aside from Midoriya."
"Ochako," Bakugo said instantly.
"Mmm. And, correct me if I am wrong, but she is not quirkless, yes?"
"Well, no," Bakugo admitted. "She's strong because she's, you know. Nice and shit. Like Midoriya." He glared at Shiozaki for a long moment. She just looked back at him, her expression calm and neutral. Finally, he relented. "Ok, yeah, that's not why. My dad is nice but he's a wimp. Not trash talking him, just...he never stood up to me or my mom in a fight. Just kinda bent over."
"Indeed. And while I would call Midoriya and Uraraka many things, I do not believe 'nice' is one of them. You know the things Midoriya has ordered. What Uraraka has done. They are not the sort of things that 'nice' people do."
"Well what the fuck would you call them, then?" Bakugo demanded angrily.
"Good is perhaps too generic. I think 'moral' strikes closer to the heart of the matter. Though there is more too it. They do not merely think of themselves; they put the needs of others before their own. They have a true understanding of the character of Christ, though I know neither of them follow Him."
"That smells like religious bullshit," Bakugo said, swinging his legs down to sit up. "Maybe I should just leave."
"You can. If you do not wish to discuss religion, I shall not. Though I confess that I would think myself somewhat dull to simply ask you about your childhood."
"Life sucks, then you grow up. My childhood in a nutshell. Probably everyone's. Nobody goes through life without a little pain," Bakugo said with a shrug. He didn't stand though. He still felt restless, vulnerable, weak. He needed to talk. And sometimes, he just couldn't bear to unload on Uraraka any more than he already had.
"How about this: what makes you strong?" Bakugo demanded.
"Well, since you do not desire the religious answer, I will say that strength comes from one's character and works," Shiozaki said. "Do you think yourself strong?"
Bakugo looked down at his hands. "I dunno. When I was a kid, I thought I was strong. I had a good quirk. No, I had a hell of a great quirk. Everyone thought so. Said I was a shoe in to be a hero. And I got into UA, no problems. Top score. First in academics, and in the practical. That didn't mean shit. I was weak. Brittle. No one liked me. No one was my friend, because I was everyone's enemy. How could I be a hero like that?"
Bakugo raised his fist, and let a little of One For All course through it. Energy seemed to crackle and spark around his hand. "Now? Now I got so many quirks I don't know what to do with them. I got All Might's quirk. I got the Black Whip. Last night, I learned how to fly. And, I got my explosions. Stronger than ever. But you know something?"
Bakugo dropped his hand, letting it fall limply to his lap. "I never felt stronger than when I was quirkless for a couple of months."
Shiozaki nodded, but didn't speak. Inui would do that too. It was some trick, to get you to talk through your own problems. But Bakugo would play the game. "Izuku Midoriya. He was, and is, quirkless. I'd say a quirkless runt, but that bastard's gonna end up taller than me if he ain't careful. The hell do they feed him? Anyway, he's the strongest person I know. I offered him One For All. He'd wanted a quirk so bad when we were kids. One like All Might's. I offered it to him. And he said no."
"Truely?" Shiozaki asked, startled out of her script. "He turned down...even I would...That's incredible."
"Yeah, no shit. Said he had to be an example to the quirkless. And that I could use it better. That's strong. He stuck to his guns."
"He is a remarkable man," Shiozaki agreed. "I pray daily that God grants him wisdom."
Bakugo scowled at her, and she blushed. "I apologize. I know you dislike religion."
"I dislike bullshit. So explain to me, exactly, why you believe all that stuff. You're smart. You're strong. What makes you think you need God?"
"Because I am weak," Shiozaki said softly, fingering the little necklace with the same T on it. "Because I cannot save myself. You say I am strong? No. I am lost, and I don't know where to go. You say I am smart? No. I do not understand or know why there is so much pain. I believe that I am broken, that this world is broken, and our only chance is that Christ returns and fixes it, and me."
"That sounds like horseshit," Bakugo snorted.
A bit of irritation flashed in Shiazki's eyes. "Oh? And I suppose you know how to fix the world?"
"Hell no. I can't even figure out how to fix myself. I tried lots of stuff. I tried therapy. Didn't work. Shit, I tried Ochako. She's great but...she can't fix what's wrong with me. Not even all these new quirks can."
"That is because you can never fix yourself, Bakugo. No one can. Just as no one alone can fix this world."
"Well what about Ochako? She's fixing me!" Bakugo snapped. "Shit, I've never been better than since I got with her!"
"I agree you give one another comfort, but your relationship with Uraraka strikes me as rather shallow. What, exactly, do you treasure about her, aside from the sex and fighting?"
That comment took Bakugo aback. He racked his brains for a moment, but had to swallow. "I… I don't know. There was Feel Good, and then the Yakuza, and after that Deternat. We just...I dunno. Fighting and fuckin' is about all I'm good at."
Fear gripped Bakugo, and his hands shook. Was he going to lose her? The one good thing in his life? Did she think he was weak? "What...what should I do?"
"That's something you should ask her, not me. But Uraraka cannot fix you. No more than you can fix her. You can help one other, and I think you have been good for each other. But Uraraka isn't a magic wand. She isn't going to give you the strength you seek."
"So, should I just fucking give up and die? Be a weakling forever?" Bakugo demanded, rage burning deep in his belly.
"No. You should ask for help. From others. And, perhaps, from God. That is why he died, after all. That we might become strong as he was."
That surprised Bakugo. "What? How? When? I thought he got killed for...look, I don't know what I thought, but I figured it was cause he mouthed off to some prick or to seek enlightenment or whatever."
"Because he was the only truly strong man to have ever lived. Because only he could save us from ourselves. Christ lived so that he could die, for us."
That made Bakugo think. "You know, that's sort of what this One For All thing is about. I mean, everyone but me died. Well, and Togata. He came damn close tough."
Shiozaki looked Bakugo in the eye. "And what about you?"
"I...I don't want to die. But if that's what it takes, someone's got to pay the price. I just...I don't know if I'm strong enough," he admitted. Bakugo sniffed, wiping a tear from his eye. "I've done a lot of bad shit in my life. What if it comes to that, and I'm just not strong enough?"
"I think you're stronger than you think, Bakugo. You have already repented of much of your sins. You just need to be able to forgive yourself," Shiozaki encouraged.
"Shit, now you just sound like Mr. Inui," Bakugo snorted. "He never could tell me why, though. Why should I forgive myself? No one else has."
Shiozaki studied Bakugo for a moment before asking. "Have you asked for forgiveness?"
"No. What if they say no?" Bakugo asked, his voice trembling in real fear. "Shit, Shiozaki. I tortured Izuku for years. I told him to kill himself. I beat the living hell out of Mei. And that's just the surface. I can't even look up half the poor bastards I crushed, just to show them I was better than them. You think he forgave the people who killed him?" Bakugo jerked his head at the tortured man-God.
"That was why he did it. So that he could forgive them. I told you: he lived to die. He knew he would be cursed and tortured. He came to forgive the sins of Man. To forgive your sins, Bakugo."
"Well why the hell would he do that?" Bakugo exploded. "Why doesn't Izuku hate me?"
And there it was. What had bothered him for years. Why didn't Izuku Midoriya hate him? There had been one time, just one, where Bakugo had felt Izuku's hatred. When he'd beaten Mei, he'd looked, and he'd seen Izuku's anger. He'd smiled. Finally, Izuku had admitted he wasn't better than Bakugo. That he couldn't just smile and try to be friends after Bakugo shoved his face in the dirt.
But then they'd fought. Bakugo had tried to provoke Izuku again, but...but he'd forgiven Bakugo. He'd told him to be better. He'd tried to be friends again, reaching out even before Bakugo could apologize or try to fix his weakness. Izuku had shown Bakugo mercy, when he had known he deserved none.
"Because just like Christ, Izuku loves you, Bakugo. Our leader isn't perfect, but in many ways, he is like Christ. He seeks justice, yes, but if he could make peace with the PLF, and mend the wounds of this nation by sacrificing himself? I think he would do it."
"Yeah. He's always been better than me," Bakugo admitted. "I just...I wish I was that strong."
Shiozaki smiled. "You can be, Bakugo. Accept the forgiveness. You've already confessed your sins. Now, accept that the price was already paid."
"Fine," Bakugo spat. "What do I have to do? How can I be as strong as Izuku?"