*CHAPTER 79:

I don't forget

The subtle creak of the door filled the royal chamber. Cole, who stood a few feet away from his husband, turned around slowly. Kai leaned on the closed entrance, gaze somewhat shy.

Ever since that morning, Kai's behavior had changed. He was focused on his job during audiences, but… not in that obsessive-compulsive way he'd been displaying over the past weeks. And when the time to rest and be with his family ticked by, his sexual innuendos had decreased considerably, returning to the usual smooth flirting. Even now, in the intimacy of his own chamber, Kai's bedroom eyes retained a certain softness, a sense of fragility that, Cole assumed, stemmed from their earlier talk that morning.

The royal spouse had trouble pinpointing what had happened inside the monarch's head to stir some very much needed change, but he didn't have the strength to ask. It had been days since Kai looked at him with such genuine eyes —the eyes that had stolen his heart almost a decade ago.

Kai crossed the space between them and stopped mere inches away from his lover. Instead of going in for a heated kiss —a move that would have been most typical for the Maharaja— he just stood there in front of Cole, tender hazel eyes looking up at him.

At that moment, Cole saw through his husband and felt how tired the king was; tired of this whole situation, of not being himself, of pretending, of losing everything precious around him. And although Cole felt equally exhausted, his protector instinct never slept.

Kai's arms flew up and, very slowly, wrapped around Cole's neck.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you more," Cole smiled teasingly, running a hand up to his husband's warm cheek. The thumb eventually wandered off to caress the Maharaja's bottom lip. Kai closed his eyes in delight at the sensual touch.

'It could literally kill him if you left without notice.'

Zane's scolding reverberated in Cole's brain. Had everything gone according to his plan last night, Kai's face wouldn't look so serene right now.

Cole still wished he could run to Shaiya, but now that he was facing Kai again, his heart broke a bit more, unable to make out what hurt the most; being away from Jay or bringing pain and distress to his 'sweet little prince'. It wasn't fair. But as Zane had said, it wouldn't have been fair to strongarm Jay into coming back to their house either.

Soft lips touched Cole's, merging them in one of the most chaste kisses the two boys had shared lately. When the Maharaja drew back, his eyes stared at the noiret with concern.

"Cole?"

Before the monarch could inquire about his thoughts, Cole dipped his head and placed another kiss on Kai's lips. As he felt the boy relax against his body, Cole's arm drove down Kai's legs and picked the boy up bridal style. He gasped surprised but looked entranced at Cole as the bigger guy moved them towards the bed and gently dropped Kai on the silky sheets.

They shared a moment of silence, just looking into each other's eyes before their hands started to play around the edges of their clothes.

••••••••••••

Three orgasms later Cole was starting to feel light-headed, but that didn't deter him from enjoying the moment as Kai bounced on top of him. With his knees digging firmly on the bed the Maharaja swayed his hips in a slow and sensual rhythm. Cole had insisted Kai didn't bottom that night, just in case his insides were still too tender, but after all those rounds, it was impossible to keep Kai on that idea.

Slick sounds filled the room —slick sounds and moans that originated from the couple making love on the enormous royal bed.

Cole sighed dreamily, his heart doing funny flips as he admired Kai's beautiful body moving on top of him. His sweaty skin glimmering delightfully under the soft light of the lamps, turning the Maharaja into the most beautiful creature Cole had ever seen. It made his mouth water and his brain become mush.

Reaching behind Kai, Cole pulled the monarch down, closer to him, the guy almost laying flat against his chest. Resuming the descent, Cole grabbed a hold of his husband's ass, pulling the cheeks apart with the difficulty that the oil added to the task.

Kai moaned loud next to his mouth as Cole bucked his hips. Hunger was obviously written in their faces as their eyes locked onto each other. It felt like a lifetime since Cole had made love to his husband —the real one, not the boy that had been trying his best to not break down but Kai.

His Kai.

"Cumming?" Cole blurted out.

The other boy swallowed a couple of times but in the end, decided to just nod instead of giving a verbal response. Cole slipped a hand between their abdomens and started to jerk off Kai. Despite the several times he'd come already, Kai's dick remained hot and twitching like the first round. The Maharaja groaned, hot puffs of air surging from his mouth and exploding against Cole's face, fanning and offering some refreshing breeze on his scalding skin.

Kai's legs trembled, pressing hard on Cole's sides as the boy kept moving his hips. Skin slapping and moans being thrown into the air, it only took the boys a moment to give in to the big pleasure and come crying out each other's names. They barely had any energy left inside their bodies, but the ecstasy was as delicious as ever.

Kai's pressed against Cole like a dead body, gasping hard, trying to draw air into his lungs.

"I know you said… to make love the whole night, but…" Cole murmured out of breath. "Maybe that's enough… Don't you think?"

He waited patiently for a reply from his husband.

"Yeah…" Kai's whisper crashed against his scarred chest.

Gently, the first royal spouse pushed the monarch down onto the bed next to him. Kai hissed as Cole's dick slipped out of him.

"You okay?"

"I'm… fucking... great…" The Maharaja huffed, eyes closed and mouth agape.

Cole snorted. "You bet you are."

After lazily wiping the majority of the fluids sticking to their chests and legs, Cole lay down with Kai and had the boy cuddle up with him, ready to enjoy the calm and sweet numbing sensation that always followed a sexual climax. Little by little their breaths lost volume, and the annoying thump in their ears quieted as their hearts calmed down.

There were subtle tickles on Cole's skin as Kai's fingers danced up his arm. "Your hands are amazing," Kai let out in a low purr, digits intertwining with their darker equals.

"And you've got a very mischievous mouth." Cole poked Kai's nose and the other boy giggled, unashamed of his sexual skills.

Quietude made itself present in the room soon enough, Cole didn't mind it much, still riding on the last vestiges of his euphoria with a weak smile on his face. The silence somewhat made him feel at ease, he could easily have fallen asleep, but...

"Are you still upset with me?"

Kai's voice made Cole's eyes open with abruptness.

"What?" He asked, craning his neck to try and lock gazes with his lover, but given their position and Kai's messy bangs falling over his brow, that would be impossible unless the boy looked up too. "No, I'm not," Cole eventually answered.

It came out too fast, no wonder Kai automatically countered with a "That's… hard to believe."

Cole couldn't hold back the irritated sigh that left his mouth, his head sinking deeper into the pillows.

"I'm really, really sorry about last night. I… I've been stressed and… I guess I just wanted to…"

"I'm not upset," Cole cut him, punctuating each word almost angrily.

Kai fell silent, but Cole could hear his mind spinning with stupid thoughts, increasing his anxiety and most likely driving Kai to the wrong conclusions about his spouses' real feelings. He had to stop this all at once.

"I miss Jay, that's all," Cole confessed.

As soon as the words were out, a part of him wanted to take them back, but the other was relieved. Cole had been trying so hard to be a pillar for everyone in these dire times, but even a once fierce and ruthless fighter had his limits. Cole was fed up with all the shit going around their family.

Right after his admission, Kai stiffened in Cole's arms, his breath hitched and held still for a long beat. And yet… he still said nothing. Well, not like Cole was expecting a reply. He'd just needed to say it, to be transparent to Kai after faking for so many days.

"I'm not reproaching you. I know you miss him too. I just… I guess I wanted you to know it because… we haven't really talked ever since that night after you came back."

It started with a weak twitching of Kai's foot, then an almost non-noticeable swing spreading through his body, anxiety rising. A minute later, Kai was turning around and facing away from Cole as he tugged a cushion under his head and lay in silence.

Cole stared at his husband's back, baffled at his reaction.

"Kai?" Cole leaned his way, glancing over Kai's shoulder at his serious face. "Kai…" He tried, shaking his arm lightly, but the boy didn't do anything besides looking away into the eerie colors the lamps cast on the furniture around.

Cole groaned and fell back onto the mattress. Zane's voice echoed in his mind, reminding him to be patient with Kai… but it was so hard at times like this when the monarch just isolated himself from everything and anything.

"Look, I know you want to forget all that stuff." Cole did, too, to some degree. "But you can't pretend Jay was never here. It's a painful memory, yeah, but… forgetting him feels even worse."

While the past few weeks had been some of the most depressing the royal residence had witnessed, Cole couldn't help but also remember all those beautiful moments he had shared with Jay, training, joking around, teaching him how to play chess only to be crushed by the boy's brilliant mind… It hurt to remember, of course, but in that pain, Cole was able to also find something precious. Without a physical Jay, the guy's memories were all Cole had to relive the happiness he felt when Jay genuinely smiled at him for the first time, or hugged him, or felt comfortable enough to pull a joke on him.

To Cole, 'forgetting' would never be an option, and it bothered him that Kai had been doing exactly the opposite.

"I don't forget."

"Uh?" Cole was so immersed in his thoughts he almost missed Kai's voice as it rose over the sepulchral silence. "What?" He asked for Kai to repeat.

Seconds passed, Cole shivered subtly as a gust of wind came through the nearby window.

"He's right there." Kai gave a weak nod in the direction of the vanity and Cole followed his gaze. "He's dressed in that gorgeous blue outfit you guys found... The flower pinned in his hair... His sparkling blue eyes looking up at me as I do his makeup…"

Kai went on describing a Jay that Cole couldn't find anywhere in the room.

"I see him everywhere, at any moment, at any place, no matter what I do. He's always… there. So real that… for a brief instant I want to reach out and touch him…" Kai's voice turned into a whisper. "But then he vanishes like a ghost."

Starstruck by the lame tone of his partner, Cole's eyes opened wide.

"I really want to forget him, Cole. I wish I could, but... I have tried it and nothing works. He's deeply engraved in me..."

"Kai…" His spouse touched his arm again, the chilled muscles trembling under his fingers.

Cole tugged at Kai, turning him around just in time to see the start of the salty streams in his eyes before they rolled down his face. Cole immediately pulled Kai into his arms, cuddling him tightly as the boy started sobbing.

"I should have listened to you… I should have let him go that time when you told me instead of being a fickle baby..." Kai hiccuped and clutched Cole's back, blunt nails digging into the flesh as the boy shuddered. "Gods, I feel horrible every time I think I kept him away from that lovely couple for months…" Kai berated at himself.

Despite Cole rarely having the chance to play smugly and say 'I told you' to any member of their peculiar family, he didn't feel any pride at all that instant. What gave that he'd been right that night? They couldn't change the past, he couldn't go back in time and be more persistent. The only thing they could do now was facing the consequences of their kind, yet careless, actions.

Besides, Kai wasn't the only one at fault here; all the royal family had agreed to have Jay living with them for as long as the deal lasted. Any of them could have tried to reason with Kai if they had wanted to let Jay go.

But that was the heart of the matter; none of them had wanted that. Cole had quickly grown attached to the boy, Zane too, even Lloyd who'd been so against him had found he had more in common with their fidgety guest than things that kept them apart. Even with his initial homophobic remarks Jay had weathered all obstacles and made himself a place in their hearts in no time. The royal family had accepted him, and they all would have been ecstatic to make it a sacred union any which day.

No, Cole was definitely not proud of being right that damn night from months ago. There was not an ounce of happiness in such a memory.

Kai sniffed, face buried in Cole's collarbone. Rather than trying to shush him, his spouse just rubbed his big hands all over the Maharaja's back, letting him take out all the pain and distress that had been piling up lately.

"I don't know what to do anymore…" Kai whimpered. "I don't know how to make my chest stop hurting and keep the tears from swelling up every time I get reminded of him for the most stupid reason…"

'Kai must be willing to overcome this heartbreak.' The voice of their erudite lover reverberated inside Cole's skull.

"Maybe…" The boy ventured. "There's no easy way to stop that…"

Kai looked up, blinking confused hazel eyes at Cole.

"What do you mean?"

Cole bit his lip. "Accept that it hurts, that you're not fine." His own heart was breaking at the advice.

Kai shook his head vehemently, rubbing wet cheeks on Cole's chest, mumbling negations. Little by little his voice shifted into some more incoherent noises until those were also drowned on whimpers and sobs. Cole clutched his body, tight but tenderly, and barely had the chance to take a deep inhalation before his eyes, too, spilled all the pain he'd been holding in these days.

Would their lives ever reach a lasting period of peace? Or had their terrible fates been decided the day they sealed their forbidden love with a kiss?

Unable to contemplate any deeper thoughts, Cole focused on just cuddling with Kai —cuddling and sharing their sorrow.