Mai sighed deeply as she dipped a piece of cloth in the lukewarm water and tried to dry off all the dirt of the face in front of her.
She hated to give Azula right in anything really. But Zuko really wasn't a pretty sight to look at right now.
All filled with scratches that looked like they came from finger nails, his right and good eye was now all swollen with a deep black mark around it. That really didn't do him any favours.
His hair had become greasy as he it hung around his gaunt face. And he smelled.
Despite the cold temperature of these caves Zuko had managed to keep a pretty warm body temperature. Mai could only assume it was that breathing he was doing….. Seemingly all day as he was hanging there.
Mai hated this. For three years she had managed to not shed a tear, she had promised herself that she wouldn't.
And then he came back into her life, and Mai felt like crying again. Stupid asshole.
His words only rang to clearly in her head. "Azula might hurt you… But I wont."
Mai really wanted to dismiss that statement, but the way Zuko had acted only confirmed it. Even now…. Three years and he really hadn't changed at all.
Somehow Mai was reminded of when she was just a little child… It came flooding back to her.
Mai didn't remember how old she had been exactly… Not very old. Ten or eleven… maybe?
She, Ty Lee and Azula had been walking in the gardens as Azula started to fire small jets of fires at random things for practise.
"Azula are you sure that we should." Ty Lee began.
"Dad says it's okay." Azula said. "In fact dad says I should practise more! Look that's perfect!" she grinned as she pointed to a tree with a couple of birds sitting in it. "Moving targets are the best targets. Dad says so too." she grinned and fired making Ty Lee scream shocked.
Azula did in fact hit one of the flying birds and it fell to the ground as Azula smirked. "Go me."
"Azula what are you doing?" A young boy suddenly exclaimed as he ran over there. "You know what mom says. She says we shouldn't do this!"
Azula rolled her eyes. "Here comes the spoil sport. Hello Zuzu."
"I told you not to call me that!" Zuko exclaimed in a loud yell.
"It's just a bird and we were just playing." Azula snorted. "Don't tell me you're upset over a bird."
"No…" Zuko said. "Of… Of course not."
"You know what father says." Azula said. "Things that can't protect themselves deserves what is coming to them. The strong eats the weak, that is the way of things. Are you the weak one Zuzu?"
"I'm not! And stop calling me Zuzu!" Zuko shouted.
"Gonna tell mom. Mommas boy?" Azula asked as she pursed her lips. "Hide behind her again?"
"No I… Just don't do it again." Zuko asked and turned around as he walked away.
Azula how-ever smirked. "Wanna see something fun?" she asked. "Come this way." she pulled Mai and Ty Lee behind a bush. And then shushed them.
For a moment they sat there and Mai looked up at Azula. "What are we doing?" she asked.
"Watch." Azula asked and Mai watched and then… Zuko came back.
Nervously the boy looked himself over the shoulder as he slowly approached the bird still laying on the ground.
"I knew it." Azula smirked. "He came back. Zuzu always comes back for the poor little wounded." she said as Zuko gingerly picked up the bird, holding it with extreme care.
Azula how-ever grinned as she held up a hand, flames in it and then… She fired at the distracted Zuko. Hitting his pants.
"AUW!" Zuko yelled as he jumped up.
"Ha haaa!" Azula laughed as she stood up. "Liar liar, pants on fire!" she laughed at him.
"Azula!" Zuko cried, now tears in his eyes.
"What? Gonna run to mom now? Mommas boy?" Azula asked.
Zuko swallowed as he held the bird in his hands. "Shu… SHUT UP!" he shouted and then he ran with the bird while Azula chuckled.
Later that same evening as Mai was about to head home, she walked through the gardens. That's when she caught Zuko sitting by the fountain at the turtle duck pond with a big pout on his lips.
Mai swallowed, then slowly she approached. "Erhm… Hi." she tried.
Zuko glared up at her. "What do you want?" he asked annoyed.
Mai halted then glanced down. "I was just wondering…." she halted. "Is the bird okay?"
Zuko blinked confused.
"I.." Mai twisted her hands. "I'm glad you went back for it. I didn't know what to do."
Zuko frowned as he looked suspiciously at Mai, but then glanced up. "He's fine." he said. "Uncle showed me how to fix up birds before he left for Ba Sing Se."
"That's good." Mai exhaled relieved. Then she blinked. "Your uncle taught you? General Iroh?"
"Yeah, he's been at Ba Sing Se for like a year now." Zuko sighed deeply. "You're the knife girl aren't you? Mai right?"
"Yeah." Mai replied.
"I saw you throw that knife." Zuko commented. "You hit the target! Right in the middle. It was cool."
"You… You think so?" Mai asked.
Zuko nodded. "Yeah. Super cool! How do you do it?"
Mai smiled amused. "It's in the wrist." she said and started to explain as Zuko eagerly listened.
From that day. Mai had started to notice Zuko when he was around… He was often with his mother. Right behind her in fact.
He really was kind of a mommas boy. But he was also… Kind. He was so nice that Mai could hardly even bear it. Even when he tried to pretend he was all tough. Which he would do, especially around Azula.
Then Mai saw it too… The sparring matches between Zuko and Azula.
Azula would always win… Every single sparring match.
Yet Mai couldn't help but question if no one else noticed. Zuko didn't loose because his fire bending was worse than Azulas, and he didn't loose because he was weaker.
He lost… because he would hesitate.
There were times where Zuko had a clear opening. He could have send a fire ball and scorched Azula. But each and every time he would halt, he would hesitate and the opening would be gone.
Zuko…. Was unable to hurt his sister.
But Azula was more than happy to hurt him.
And it was awful to watch. Mai hated it… She hated it with all of her being.
Zuko was too kind for this place, too kind for this palace and their way of life.
And then…. Azulon died. Lady Ursa had vanished. Prince Iroh was gone and Ozai became firelord and somehow…. Everything got so much worse.
The sparring matches grew in intensity, now when there was no Ursa to object to anything dangerous.
For each sparring match Mai wished dearly that Zuko would just… Fight back!
Take that opening! Get Azula down… But he would hesitate. He would always hesitate.
And then… that awful day. Mai would never forget it.
Azula had been in a good mood that morning. Smiling at Mai and Ty Lee. "Want to see something cool?" she asked. "This is going to be something for the ages."
"What is it?" Ty Lee asked.
"An Agni Kai." Azula smirked. "A real Agni Kai."
Ty Lee halted. "I don't know Azula…" she said.
"Come on. It'll be great." Azula encouraged. "I got you seats. I have to go sit with uncle myself. But we can meet up afterwards. It'll be a good learning opportunity for all of us. Seeing master fire benders duelling."
"O… okay." Ty Lee said and Mai nodded as well. How bad could it be?
How Mai had wished she had just said no…. This was awfull. A nightmare come true!
She heard his plea's, even when covering her ears Mai still heard them.
"Please… I am your loyal son! I'm sorry… I'm sorry!"
The cries, the tears. The anguish.
"I wont fight you."
Wide-eyed Mai looked up and she saw him. The fire lord himself looking like a mountain as he stood over Zuko whom was on his knees. He looked so small... So vulnerable. Please... Please you idiot. Stand up... Fight. Do... something!
But he didn't. It looked like Zuko was frozen to the spot, tears streaming down his terriefied face.
A hand put to Zukos face. A voice speaking.
"You will learn respect and suffering will be your teacher."
And then…. The flames. Burning from the stage. Mai could feel the heat on her face from where she sat. Ty Lee screamed as she buried her face into Mais chest and then she cried.
Mai sat still… as a statue. She heard the scream tear through the halls and wrecking her ear drums. The smell of burned flesh invaded her nostrils.
Zukos flesh…
Tears stung in Mais eyes as she gasped… Zuko… Why? … Zuko.
Mai didn't remember much after that. She remembered people dragging the squirming boy off the stage. She remembered being outside staggering around. She didn't remember how she had gotten outside.
She remembered the contents of her stomach being emptied over Lady Ursas beloved flower patch.
She remembered waking up in the middle of the night, screaming, and her mother rushing in asking what was wrong.
And then Mai remembered… It felt like something broke inside of her. Just… broke.
A numbness had filled her body and her soul and Mai welcomed it. Anything was better than the sharp pain and the terror. Than waking up in the middle of the night covered in cold sweat screaming. While the images of burned birds and burned boys played in her mind.
To remember the scent of burning flesh and feel nothing was much better than the alternative.
Mai remembered going to Zukos old room… His empty room.
Zuko was gone. And he was not coming back.
The one good thing about this place was gone. And perhaps that was for the better. He had been too kind… Too sweet for this place.
And Mai… Mai felt nothing.
She would not allow herself to feel.
Azula reminded her. Like she had said with the bird.
"Things that can't protect themselves deserves what is coming to them. The strong eats the weak, that is the way of things."
That was the way of things in the fire nation. Mai would not let herself be weak again… She couldn't.
Only when her parents told her that they were moving to the earth kingdom as her father had just been promoted to ambassador did Mai feel something. A sense of relief. She had an excuse why she couldn't come visit those halls anymore. Look at Azulas innocent looking face while the girl spoke about how it was too bad what happened to Zuko while clearly didn't meaning it.
Mai was glad to leave it all behind and move to the earth kingdom. The night before her move Ty Lee came and whispered own plan... She was going to run away with the circus. Ty Lee was always so happy and go lucky, but neither could she stand this place anymore. There was nothing for them there. And Mai sincerely wished Ty Lee the best.
Mai had hoped... Hoped it would be the end of it. That she would never have to return and never have to feel again.
But things rarely worked the way she wanted. Now she was here, and he was here. And everything she had kept burried deep below for three years now threatened to burst out.
"Mai…" Suddenly Zukos raspy voice spoke. It sounded concerned. Even gentle.
Mai glanced up to see Zukos golden eyes which true enough, looked concerned.
"Are you okay?" Zuko asked.
"Why are you asking?" Mai asked.
"You're crying." Zuko informed.
Mai gasped and then touched her cheek to true enough. Find a tear. She sucked in a breath. She hadn't cried for three years! She couldn't cry now.
"What's wrong?" Zuko asked.
"Nothing." Mai said. "I just can't stand your stupid face."
Zuko just looked a little resigned as he smiled amused.
Mai covered her face with her hands. "Why are you like this?" she asked.
"I'm not sure what you mean." Zuko admitted.
Mai hissed annoyed as she dried off her tears with her long sleeve.
"Mai you do know you don't have to do this right?" Zuko asked. "You don't have to do what Azula tells you to do."
Mai closed her eyes. "What do you think will happen to my family if I betray Azula now?" she asked. "I have a little brother now!"
"Really?" Zuko asked.
"Yes. His name is Tom-Tom." Mai informed.
Zuko smiled. "That's great. I bet you're a great big sister."
Mai was silent and so was Zuko.
"Look." Zuko tried. "I think maybe it's better if you don't come back down here."
"Why?" Mai asked as she looked up.
"You shouldn't…" Zuko halted. "It's dangerous." he at last said. "What if Azula." and Zuko swallowed.
"Azula can go screw herself." Mai hissed as her hands tightened around the wet cloth. "I hate her!"
Zuko smiled amused.
"What?" Mai asked.
"Nothing." Zuko commented. "You're just… Well. You're still one of the coolest people I ever met."
Wide-eyed Mai looked at Zuko as a blush crawled over her cheeks.
"I wish I had the guts to say that Azula can go screw herself." Zuko said.
"You just did." Mai pointed out.
Zuko blinked then smiled as he chuckled a little. Mai couldn't help it as she did too.
"I'm such a mess." Mai sighed drying her tears again.
Zuko shrugged. "You look fine to me."
Mai smirked as she looked up. "Are you trying to be cute on purpose?"
Zuko blinked. "No…"
"You're such an idiot." Mai breathed as she moved closer to Zuko. Resting her forehead on his.
"Yeah… Probably." Zuko replied.
And Mai moved a bit so their lips met again. In the back of Mais head, it kept screaming… This was bad. This was really really bad.
But Zuko… He was one of the few good things in this world.
This world where people just wanted to hurt each other. Zuko was warm and kind and safe.
He hadn't changed at all… Well, he had grown. He had become handsome. Stupidly handsome. His body had felt so warm and strong under Mais fingers and she just wanted to sink right into it.
Mai exhaled as her lips parted from Zukos and she gently held his face.
"When the fire lord banished you…" Mai whispered. "I thought I was never going to see you again."
Zuko looked at Mai. It was hard to read his golden eyes.
"I wasn't sure if I would ever see you again either." Zuko then admitted. "I'm glad I did."
Mai smiled then exhaled deeply. "I have to go. I have already been down here for to long."
"Please be careful." Zuko asked.
"Yeah…" Mai nodded as she picked up the bowl with dirty water. "I'll be careful." she said as she stood up, then briefly planted a kiss on Zukos cheek before she walked out.
Zuko looking after Mai. A small smile on his lips though as she vanished the smile turned sad, and his eyes a little fearful.
There was no telling what Azula might do if she ever found out. This was dangerous… much to dangerous.