Their fingers laced, only the quiet between them as a small breeze hurried through the trees and made the leave rustle busily, the sound of them but a faint whisper. Sometimes this was how they were, the things they saw too difficult to ignore but all too much to even begin to speak about, and so they would sit with it till one of them decided to break the silence. That night it was Edward.

"I've ruined him," His voice was low, gruff with unshed tears. She admired that he was more open with her now, but he still always hid his tears, as though they were shameful for him. She had never thought as such, that he cared so deeply was one of the reasons that she felt for him as she did. Though he always strove for it, she wasn't sure that he could be a better man than he already was.

"Who?"

"Taigen. He believes…believed," he corrected himself, looking away from her and digging a small stone out of the soil beside him, "he believed that there was good in the world, now he looks like me; disillusioned and bitter."

"You are not always," she muttered with a smile, trying to make light of the situation, sobering when he did not laugh in reply. "Any lesson you could teach him is a lesson worth knowing. He should know that the world isn't always good, better to become aware of that now than to be hurt after."

"He was hurt anyway," Edward spat, launching the stone into the lake, blinking at the ripples as they spread, wondering how far-reaching his actions would be.

"Was it necessary?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes I am certain that it was needed and other times I cannot be so sure."

"Nothing is sure, my love." He smiled sadly at her words, knowing that she had changed too; the once innocent belief that had burnt in Taigens' eyes, had once burnt fiercely in her own, now that light only flickered, at risk of being guttered out by the harsh winds of reality.

"There was a time not long ago when you would educate me on the good and bad of the world, and how we must always strive to do good."

She hung her head, there was no accusation, but she felt her own judgement, knowing that he was right. How quickly she had put him in his place, the world simple back then, as black and white and boring as the stories she'd read as a child. How naïve she had been, quick to have him battling for her heart, battling for the right. There love was not the fight, but the reprieve and the right was just a word that had no meaning when too many terrible men spoke it with such authority.

"You said it yourself, I was a child with childish dreams to drive me."

"I wish that dreams were all the drive anyone needed."

"No one would ever get anything done." He turned to her then, a glint in his eye and a grin on his face, leaning forward and kissing her soundly.

"I would get a few things done," he whispered it against her lips, and she shivered, sighing, and melting into the familiarity of his caress on her skin, as he lifted her dress over her head and she once again lay naked before him. His touches left her breathless, so much gentler than earlier – no desperation to his kisses, only a slow determination to map out every inch of her.

"Tell me I haven't ruined you," he said it quietly, eyes begging for affirmation.

"Only in the best ways."

"Do not joke about this, please. Tell me I am not the reason you stopped believing."

She threaded her fingers through his hair, pulling him down so she could kiss his forehead, leaning back to look him in the eyes, willing him to see the truth of her words.

"You have only ever made me believe."

The moment ended suddenly as a wave of sickness overwhelmed Hermione and she was back in the Sensieve's room, domed ceiling above her, the night sky shimmering in each of its quarters. Draco's face hovered just a little above her, his body warm and pressed flush against her. His eyes, even the whites of them, were completely blue, the mist of the Sensieve still lingering around him.

"M…Malfoy?" His face contorted with worry, glancing down at her body.

"Are you okay?" Hermione breathed a sigh of relief at the sound of his voice, nodding her head and giving him a wry smile.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just felt a little sick and the Sensieve kicked me out ag…"

"I love you." Hermione felt as if she'd taken a bludger to the gut, breath whooshing out of her as she stumbled for an explanation, heart embarrassingly sinking when she realised that he was still lost in the memory, seeing the world through Edward's eyes. It wasn't his love for her, but Edwards love for Mina playing in that secret smile curving his lips. It wasn't meant for her, but she couldn't resist her eyes falling closed as he kissed her, sighing at the familiarity.

In the memories, it was always definitely Edward, but here, in the in-between, it was Draco and she had missed him. She knew that in his right mind, Draco wouldn't be anywhere near her, but she couldn't find a single part of her that cared. Oh, it was ludicrous, the sheer stupidity not lost on her as she wrapped her arms around him, palms smoothing across the span of his shoulders, but here he was; her reprieve, the secret little world away from reality. Here, with him, she didn't have to have it together, to think about the uncertainty of the future. As his hands traced the curve of her hips, she was convinced that there didn't need to be a future at all, only the present, the delightful now of him, hard against her and the echo of his voice, telling her he loved her.

She let out a whimper when he pulled away, hands hovering around his head, scared that her touch might spook him because he was back to normal, his eyes a hazy grey that reminded her of a wintry fog, searching her face in confusion. She pressed her lips together, trapping all the things she wanted to say, knowing that they wouldn't make a difference.

"Shit." She hardly had time to process the expletive before his mouth was on hers, kissing her with fierce desperation that put anything she'd previously experienced to shame, branding her lips with it, marking her, as if desperate to remind her of how good they felt together. Hermione needed no reminder, everything he'd ever made her feel had a habit of ambushing her when she least expected it, taking over her mind and clouding her judgement. Studying had turned into a not-so-fun game of dodge the memory, as information had refused to stay in her mind, muscled out by the thought of his lips on her neck and the breathless way he told her she was beautiful.

Her toes curled and she tugged at his jumper, pulling him closer, not wanting to let him go and the world to rush in. Draco only pulled away for a second to yank the offending item of clothing over his head and launch it across the room, then he was kissing her again, tongue sliding to meet hers, so slow and sensual that it made her back arch. It was a mad idea, through the haze of her muggy thoughts she could hear all the reasons why she should push him away, but the words drowned in the rush of her blood, got lost in the sound of the moans she elicited from him as she gently tugged at his hair. She tipped her head back, whispering his name as he murmured the stupidity of their situation between open-mouthed kisses on her neck.

"We shouldn't be doing this Granger."

"Hmm." She couldn't supply more than that, logic melting into mush at the wonderful things his fingers were doing beneath her shirt, skirt rising up as she moved against him, chasing those sparks of magic that burned at every connection and simmered through her nerves, leaving them vibrating like guitar strings, singing a strange addictive melody that felt too good. Shaky fingers opened his shirt, caressing as she went, loving how he shuddered, loving how he looked down at her like he knew her thoughts, scattered as they were. When they melted together like this, so perfectly, it seemed a travesty to ever stay apart. It didn't matter that outside that room their lives pulled them in different directions, it didn't matter that they had different beliefs, different morals, different everything, because in this they were the same.

She worked her hand beneath the waistband of his trousers, gripping him gently and watching in fascination as his eyes darkened, pupils blown wide, breath escaping through his teeth in a quiet hiss.

"Is this okay?" His mouth opened and closed several times around words that died in his throat before he could say them.

"Gra -" she brought her hand up and down and he groaned, "yes, fuck, yes it's okay. Salazar, Granger, we shouldn't…I should…" He buried his head in her shoulder and stopped talking, hand grasping her hip almost painfully. She shivered as she felt the brush of his fingers along the inside of thigh; touches gentle and curious had her unravelling around reason and she was left repeating the same mantra from Valentines – don't stop – gasped, groaned and whispered into his ear. It didn't take long, but for Hermione it felt like a wonderous eternity of holding him, of having him hold her, both of them shuddering and exposed, given into the freedom of just feeling and not thinking.

"Was that okay?" She struggled to get the words out, chest rising rapidly as she came down, cheeks rosy red in the afterglow.

"That was…" with a huff of reluctance he pulled away from her, muttering a cleaning spell that somehow left Hermione feeling dirty, "that was stupid." He was on his feet, fixing his clothing and moving to retrieve his jumper without so much as a glance her way. The feeling in her chest was sharp, uncomfortable against how wonderful she'd felt only moments earlier.

"Is that it?" She hadn't meant for it to be an accusation, but it sure sounded like it as it rang across the room. Draco's shoulders stiffened and he paused for a moment before pulling his jumper over his head and looking at her, his mouth set in a grim line. Hermione gulped and waited for him to speak.

"What in Merlin's name are we doing, Granger?"

She couldn't tell him, smart as she was there was no book for this, it was just the pair of them fumbling in the dark and finding little glimmers of light in each other.

"I don't – I wish I knew," She climbed to feet and brushed herself down, meeting his gaze levelly, wishing there were something perfect that she could say or do to have their tangled relationship make some sort of sense. Wishing that her legs didn't feel like jelly and that the things he'd just done to her in her weren't still glowing beneath her skin.

"Why did you do that?" Hermione frowned at him, crossing her arms to protect herself from the blows she knew were going to be coming her way.

"You weren't exactly putting up a fight You kissed me too, remember."

"Fuck, I know. I…Granger this - we keep circling the same patch of whatever this is and its – it's never going to work. Nothing has changed." It was a crushing blow that seemed to be hurting him even as it smashed into her heart. But he was right, nothing had changed, they would leave the room and no doubt fall into another argument that would have them butting heads and saying things they only half meant. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't good for either of them, even if it felt it.

"I know." Tears shimmered in her eyes, there were no walls or barriers here, something about the Sensieve always stripped away the last of her defences and he could see her for what she was – hurt.

"I…" He went to step closer to her but paused, seeming to think better of it, burying his hand in his pocket and glaring down at the floor between them. To Hermione it felt as if the small space had become a large gulf, filling up with all the possibilities left unexplored, all the words, feelings and wants left unspoken, broken little syllables that might have been uttered by someone braver, but she wasn't feeling brave, she felt broken. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her chin and forced a smile.

"It's probably for the best, with OWLs just around the corner I have a lot to focus on."

"Granger…"

"You'll want to focus on them too," she headed towards the door only pausing when he said her name again.

"If things were different…"

"But they aren't, are they?"

The door clicked shut behind her and as she walked away, she let her tears flow freely, it made no sense considering how much he had managed to hurt her but seeing Mina's memories had shown her that sometimes things just did not make sense. Sometimes they were tangled, entwined, jumbled and without meaning, but still impossible to be without. Mess that they were together, she felt the huge gaping loss where they had been, in all their twisted, messy beauty, and it ached.

Draco's fingers shook as he reached for the handle, focusing all his energy on pushing it down till he heard the click of the door and watched, almost dazedly as it swung open, revealing the hush of the empty common room; the fire burnt low, red embers that glowed faintly as if the fire were only asleep, snoozing happily as all the other students were. Draco stared into it, legs giving way beneath him as he sunk to the floor, crushing weight of all that happened too much to bear any longer.

He couldn't remember leaving the Sensieve's room, couldn't remember the walk back to the dungeons, everything had been numb and now it was all pain. He pressed his hands to his face and realised that he was crying, tears falling freely and dripping off his chin pathetically. He wanted to wipe then away, to lift his chin as she had done and put on a brave face, but he knew it was utterly useless, he was not brave like her, he was just a coward.

Hadn't it all been so heady and beautiful, like something from a dream or one of the many fantasies he'd cooked up in his mind when thinking of being anywhere else but in another dreary lesson. He was sure he'd conjured thoughts of how she'd touched him - hadn't it been just like that, with that smiling uncertainty, where her shaking voice would ask him if it was okay if she was doing it right and he would nod, dumbfounded and speechless, because it was altogether not like her and absolutely like her. Just another little contradiction she embodied as effortlessly as all the others.

He shouldn't of let it happen, but she'd caught him off guard – her mouth that cute little oh of being caught doing something she shouldn't of, hands hovering around his head, but he could still feel their warmth – caught him without all those pesky little walls in place and he'd been powerless to stop the flood of emotions before he was drowning in them and her, swearing off breathing just so he could get to taste more of her.

The sob was a bit of a surprise, it made him freeze in place, astounded at how low he'd actually managed to sink, bleeding out his sadness like some wounded animal, letting it drip onto the carpet in a dark mass of misery. He curled himself into a ball and cried some more because he could do that, he could manage the crying at that moment, could deal with the self-deprecation, anything to stop thinking about her and all the possibilities of what they could have been slipping through his fingers like water.

"Oh, Draco," Pansy's voice pierced through the gloom and he felt the gentle tug of her hand, pulling him up and into a warm hug. He hadn't realised he'd been holding anything back, but her sympathetic mumbles brought forth a new wave of despair that burned in his throat and had him swearing obscenities, cursing the sorting hat and its stupidity, cursing his father and his weakness, cursing the dark lord and all the people who thought it was okay to make decisions about his life for him. He cursed Harry Potter for good measure, hating the spectacled do-gooder for not sorting out the Voldemort problem when he'd had all the chances in the world. All the while Pansy held him, letting him sob out his hurt onto her Pyjamas, whispering "I'm sorry," over and over as if she were apologising for all the people he blamed. As if she were apologising for the fact that things weren't different.

Another Chapter to come soon guys, sorry it's taking so long, am mega busy with a new job and doing my masters and all the various other odds and ends I've got going on, but this is still being worked on don't worry. Thanks so much for all the wonderful comments and the support, it means so much that you guys keep reading and enjoying. :)