A/N: Short chapter today. This chapter is less than the 4000 word minimum I've established for chapters of this story, but nonetheless I will allow it, just because of the subject matter. You'll see what I mean.
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Yahiko
It was time.
Nagato gripped the steering wheel harder than he needed to. His knuckles were white. Eventually he asked, "Are you alright?"
Yahiko gulped, running his hands up and down the seatbelt. "A test of my very self. That's what she said this would be. That means I can't do anything. I just have to hope I'm the right sort of person, but I don't know what that is."
"You will." Nagato forcibly made his voice sure, made it reassuring. His knuckles were still white. "You are a good person. You are kind, and brave, and smart, and creative, and strong, and all of the other qualities she could possibly be looking for in you. Those are all of the qualities she could be testing for in any training I can imagine. You can pass." His hands relaxed on the steering wheel as he said those words.
Yahiko's hands did not relax. It was nice to hear Nagato say that, but Nagato wasn't perfect. He could be wrong. Yahiko knew he would have to change his shirt before the training in order to not stink of fear and nerves. Something's wrong. Something doesn't feel right. I talked about that with Itachi. He asked where it was. It was in me. Something is wrong with me. Evil thoughts. Thoughts that are bad and cause pain. I need to make those thoughts go away! How can I do that while I'm distracted by training though…?
He was quite sure that he was not the right sort of person. There was a part of him that was bad, and he didn't know how to stop it or make it go away. That voice was still inside him somewhere. Yahiko shivered.
"Yahiko." Nagato glanced at him through the rearview mirror. "You are. Can you believe it?"
"No, I can't. I don't know how to believe that." Yahiko cringed as he said that.
"Can you try to? For me?"
Yahiko's eyes misted over. "Yeah. I...I can try."
"Good."
Yahiko remembered how the two of them had faced the vampires. That was what he needed now. The two of them, together, drawing on each other's strength. He needed to draw on Nagato's strength now. It will be okay. I am the sort of person I am. And if that's not enough… Well, I'm doing the best I can. I'm studying. I'm learning. I will be eventually. Everything will be okay.
Ah; there it was. Yahiko smiled as his old habitual optimism came back. He greeted it like an old friend. Hey, you. Yes, even if the world was flipping upside down, it was still a kind world. He could fear as much as he wanted, and the world would give him space to, and when he was done nothing much would have happened. Things often worked out better than he feared they would. The world was really alright.
I wish Konan could believe that. I wish everyone could. Yahiko sighed. "I wish other people could believe me when I say things."
Nagato smiled sadly. "Hey. Just because other people don't believe you about the world being a good place doesn't mean they aren't listening. It's just hard to believe some things. I'm sure other people want to believe the world is a nice place too. They're trying."
"I know." Or at least he knew it right now. Yahiko made a note to remind himself of that more often. "I just think it's sad."
Nagato smiled slyly. "You'll just have to prove it."
Yahiko let go of the seatbelt and folded his hands in his lap. "But other people don't see what I see. I see proof, and others don't. I'm not them, so how can I know what will look like proof?"
"Show them enough and eventually something will." Nagato said that hesitantly. He wasn't too sure about how to be a source of inspiration either. That was Yahiko's job, normally, but now Yahiko was filled with doubts. Nagato needed some of his power of inspiration for himself in order to inspire Yahiko. But he did not know where to get or how to exercise it.
Yahiko looked out the window. I'm not the right sort of person. That thought sent a shiver up his back. Wait, isn't that pretty much what the bad voice said? No! I can't think like that! How can I stop myself from thinking?!
He felt pretty tired by the time they parked in the dirt spot next to the hotel. "Oh no. I'm never going to pass now."
Nagato got out, came around to the other side, and grabbed Yahiko by the shoulders. "Hey! Look at me." Yahiko did. Nagato's eyes bored into his. Something sparked in them, and Nagato's eyes narrowed with quiet determination. Yahiko was inspired to smile. "You can handle this."
"Yes. I can." Yahiko smiled wider. "Thank you, Nagato!"
Nagato smiled shyly, that way he did when he was being affectionate. "Go, then."
Yahiko nodded. "You'll do fine too. The stakes aren't as high for you, and I'm sure you can handle it, anyway."
Nagato gave him a brief hug. "Thank you."
Yahiko left in high spirits. He went inside with his head held high. Konan met him in the lobby, appearing out of nowhere and almost startling him out of his confidence. But he snatched it back and continued to hold himself upright before her.
She hardly glanced over him, as if that very confidence was painful to look at. Yahiko held it anyway, for his benefit if not for hers. I'm sorry, but I need to. Konan flicked her hand at him. "Come." Uh oh. I'm not going to be able to change. Well...it wouldn't matter anyway. But it would have made him feel better if he had been hygienic. Yahiko felt his chances shrinking even further.
They went down the hall to the basement stairs, down the stairs, and through the most intimidating door Yahiko knew. That prickly feeling of something being out of place was strong here. Yahiko's confidence was nearly flattened by the sight of weapons laid out and ready, traps in the corners, and the symbol in the center of the floor. I don't belong here. I'm not the right sort of person. I'm not right. What am I doing? But he shook his head. No! Go away. Bad thoughts. Remember what Nagato said? Nagato is strong, and awesome, and would definitely pass. He thinks I'm strong and awesome too. Konan doesn't have any trouble looking at him. Follow his lead. Be like him.
Konan led him over to the weapons, which she had him practice holding again. The kunai felt just as solid in his grip as it had when he and Kakuzu had last practiced with her weapons. She loaded them back into the pouch and give it to him to wear. "I have my own weapons."
Paper claws. Yahiko gulped. He tried not to let his knees shake too obviously.
Konan gestured around. "As you can see, there is plenty of water around." She beckoned for him to come out and stand across from her in the middle of the room, over the symbol. Yahiko did so, repeating to himself, I am right. I do belong. I can pass. Nagato said so. I trust him. He is strong and smart and knows what he's talking about. Be like Nagato.
He almost didn't hear the rest of what she said over these repeated thoughts. Konan was explaining what was going to happen. He pushed the thoughts away and concentrated as well as he could. "It is alright that you do not know hand signs or jutsu yet," she was saying. "This is not an attack drill. It is a defensive one. Your task is to defend yourself through any means necessary. Blocking, dodging, counterattacking if you can. The drill will also test your endurance. It only ends when you take a solid blow."
Yahiko nodded. Think. Think! You have to pay attention. Notice the traps, use the shuriken to keep her away from you, kunai for blocking paper weapons. Like magic, Yahiko felt his feet move without his ordering them to. His stance shifted all on its own, becoming more secure. His heart beat more confidently. Yahiko would have smiled at his body's wonderful blessings, but his face had also settled into a much more serious mode. Yes! This is like before, when she was talking in a ninja way and it made me and Nagato feel different. It must be turning on the part of me that comes from my original.
But was that a good thing?
She hates me because of something my original did! No; I shouldn't be like him at all!
But it was too late. Konan raised her arms, made a few signs, and her sleeves began to dissolve into paper. Yahiko's feet shifted, again on reflex. He was just going to have to go along with what his body was doing, even if that meant failure.
Yahiko got out a kunai and lowered himself, ready to leap to the side or backwards depending on how she attacked. Paper shuriken formed in the air and zoomed directly towards him.
He leaped to the side and sliced at them with his kunai, destroying one of the paper missiles. There was a trap here somewhere. He hopped over a tripwire that his eyes did not see, but his brain remembered. He had just enough time to think, What should I do no -
But then there was no more time for thinking. Konan appeared to his right with a devastating kick to his legs. Yahiko's chakra surged and knocked her off balance with a spray of water to her chest. He cartwheeled over the center of the room, putting as much distance between them as possible.
An unseen trap sprung. Yahiko took one leg out of the way, leaving himself off balance. His eyes widened as a flurry of paper shuriken came just then. His heart almost stopped, but before he knew it his arms were racing to slice them to shreds. When had he gotten a second kunai?
Again there was a brief pause, enough for a few words of thought. Yahiko's eyes widened. Faster than he could think in words, he thought in a burst of wordless images: She's speeding up each time.
The predicted images were right. She came at him with 3 different attacks then, each layered on top of the previous, and when the third was done it transitioned seamlessly into something else. Yahiko found himself using up a lot of chakra in his legs, dodging and weaving and ducking. His arms too, as he sliced up the small projectiles she threw at him with kunai. There was no time to think. He was operating purely on reflex. Whatever thoughts he might have had of impressing her with a well-timed thrown weapon were long since dust. Water sprayed everywhere, with no time or energy to use any of it for healing. He might have used some hand signs he hadn't been taught, but he couldn't be sure, and the memory of that slipped away like oil over water as she once again got behind him.
Yahiko ended up spinning just to keep her or one of her paper weapons from getting behind him, which was not good because it put him off balance. He did not like spinning. But he could not figure a way out of this pattern of movement she had forced him into. Her eyes narrowed. Just before he would have ended up in a trap, he threw himself forward in dangerous move he would rather not have made, slicing blindly ahead as he went through a paper shuriken. Finally, he was able to throw one of his kunai at her back.
That gave him no advantage, but it made her have to start chasing him all over again. Yahiko started spinning just once, enough to get the water to wrap around him, then working with the water covering his back for some protection. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was an attempt.
His chakra got low, very low. His legs started to burn. He stumbled as he tried to leap aside and was forced to duck, instead, allowing her to throw things at his feet. He leaped away from them, but slower than he wanted to. Between the exercise and the terror, his heart was beating fast enough to send spots whirling before his eyes, preventing him from seeing yet another trap. He barely avoided being hit from the combined trap and attack, and only then by throwing himself off balance.
His blurry thoughts were in agreement. I can't go on for much longer! But he recovered, avoiding a large pike easily. Wait, a pike?!
Yes, it was a pike. Konan appeared at his side next, wielding paper claws. Yahiko blacked out from the sight of them, and did not remember what he did to avoid that. What he did remember was hearing Konan growl softly. Wings sprouted from her back, and became sharp and deadly. As their broad ends slashed at the floor to either side of him, Yahiko thought he heard her say, "Poor Nagato. Oh, well."
Oh no. Yahiko's eyes widened in fear and a need to see better. She was really enjoying chasing him around. Faster and faster she moved, using more and more weapons at once. Yahiko nearly fell down dodging a wing strike, then did fall after 3 giant shuriken came his way. The shuriken moved too fast to slice at, their edges leaving marks in the metal wall before Yahiko's eyes. An extra surge of adrenaline sent him flying, moving faster than he ever had before as his brain screamed Nagato!
This was too much. Too much! Nagato didn't know to expect any of this! What would happen?
Konan turned, sending a wing his way. Time seemed to slow. As the broad, blunt end of it pushed a wave of air into his face, images flashed through Yahiko's mind.
Dropping to the ground beneath it. It was moving slower than usual from having to push through the air. He could make it.
Not dropping to the ground. Nagato. How much worse could she get?
You can do this. You are strong, and smart, and amazing, and all of the other things she could possibly be testing for. You can handle this. The memory of those words warped, changed, became not Nagato's words but Yahiko's. Or maybe both of theirs. Unclear.
Yahiko threw himself to the ground. The wing passed overhead, leaving a space between him and Konan. He almost sobbed, but threw a kunai instead.
Kunai sent it spinning away with a kunai of her own. Was she not even tired? Yahiko could swear her eyes were glowing. Aaaaaggggghhhh!
He threw two more kunai and tumbled to the side as she threw hers. What kind of monster was he working up to inflict on Nagato? What was he doing?!
For me?
Another flurry of small shuriken.
Yahiko felt sick.
Those small shuriken wouldn't hurt very much if one or two of them hit him.
An image of Nagato smiling shyly. Wouldn't that be the right thing to do? To save that smile, to preserve it forever, to never ever let Nagato see those horrible claws.
He was surrounded by paper on all sides. Surrounded. Wasn't the drill over anyway? Of course there was no way he would last any longer. One or two more moves at most. It didn't matter.
But Nagato would last. He would just wave a hand and send them all flying.
Be like Nagato.
Yahiko threw himself to the side, spinning and tumbling to the floor. He almost started to cry. But he didn't because he was too busy rolling to a shaky crouch and scanning the room. What next?
I'm sorry! But I promised you, promised myself, promised that I would be better and like you and stronger. I'm sorry Nagato! Forgive me?
What next?
His ears filled with paper rustling as it all came back to Konan. With a shrill yelp of joy, she rushed toward him, fist ready. Yahiko jumped back against the wall, because he was going to end up against it anyway so might as well make that moment happen now, and raised his arms.
There was a harsh sound of impact on...metal?
Yahiko couldn't move. Not even his eyes could move. He could only stare straight ahead, at Konan's arm ending somewhere to the left of his face, at her eyes, glowing, boring into his. He would have melted, but the wall was at his back.
After an amount of time that could have been anywhere from an hour to a millisecond, his arms gave up and fell to his sides. Nothing blocked him now from seeing those hard, sharp, flaming amber eyes.
For several seconds, it was like that. Pinned to the wall by her look.
Her look.
Something he had never seen.
Time passed. Nobody cared how much; it could have been any amount. All that mattered was Yahiko's thoughts swirling formless in his mind, swirling and swirling and swirling until in an accident they collided and meaning was created.
She's looking in my eyes.
Yahiko's jaw fell open. Other realizations began to follow. Her eyes were no longer sharp, no longer fiery, no longer hard. As he watched, the last of the battle hunger disappeared from them. The moment they were in relaxed, snapping back to normal. Yahiko nearly fainted from lack of adrenaline. Yet still she looked at him.
What? How? It was strangely nice to be looked at in this way. He tried to speak, squeaked, and tried again. "Konan?"
She said nothing, only continuing to look at him. But her eyes began to move, searching his face. He couldn't remember if she had ever looked at his face before. "Konan?"
Her eyes returned to his. Softly, so softly it was hardly a whisper, she whispered, "You passed." She blinked a few times after saying that, as if surprised.
Yahiko felt his knees about to give way. "I did?" His words lacked meaning. He was shaking and needed time to remember what this was all supposed to be for. When he did, he blinked several times quickly too. "I did?"
"Yes."
Yahiko allowed himself to slide down to the ground. He'd passed the test of his character, of his self, of everything he was. He had been judged and found to be enough. He was no longer a person to be looked away from. "I did?"
Konan took her bruised fist back from the wall. Yahiko thought it couldn't be real. Surely she would act normal now. But she didn't. She crouched down and looked at him, meeting his eyes again. "Yes."
It's real? I really am...everything I wanted to be? I really am all of those things Nagato said? Yahiko gasped. His eyes welled up with tears. "I...I did?" He lost the ability to speak then because he started to sob.
Konan looked him over. "Three times, with a threat to Nagato's wellbeing in place, you could have ended it. You could have protected him."
"I want to be like him. I want to believe him when he looks at me and says those things and be strong like he is and…" Yahiko gasped. "I wanted to do all of that…" For me?
"Even if it meant leaving him to me."
"I wanted to believe him." Yahiko sniffed. "I don't like the bad thoughts. He...he's trying to drive them away and he would feel so bad if - if -"
Konan reached forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his head forward to rest on her shoulder. Yahiko hugged her back and let himself cry. What had he done? But it was right? When? Why? Was he really all those things? Confusion, happiness, love, joy, fear. His tears were a pathetic release valve for the maelstrom he held inside, but they were all he had so he used them liberally.
Konan began to tremble, then shake, too. The vision of him sliding forward to the ground had come so close to happening. But he hadn't. It hadn't. This version of Yahiko crying in her arms might be neurotic and childlike, but he was not a threat. He was not going to fall to the ground so limply and lie there in a spreading pool of pink and gray. The vision wavered, seemed unreal. But of course it was unreal. It was long ago and with a different man. It faded away.
She sprouted paper wings and wrapped them around him. They clung to each other, shaking, both believing and disbelieving. They had both wanted him to pass, yet neither had really believed he would. The paper of her wings was soft. The spilled water evaporated slowly.
And both of them, for the first time, genuinely met each other in the same time and space. Together.
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A/N: 'T_T'