Touch and Go
Mac held on tighter to the glass bottle of sparkling mineral water, her eyes occasionally returning to the conference room door Harm had recently walked out of following Kate Pike. The group around her was joyously celebrating her recent engagement to Mic Brumby. The chatter about wedding venues and dresses and receptions was in full swing but the bride-to-be could only think about one man and it wasn't her future husband.
When he left, Harm's eyes had found her own and they shared a look that made her body shiver. Her lips that were once tightly sealed in a terse smile parted and she found herself breathing a little faster. Mac could count with one hand how many times he'd looked at her like that, something that was a continuous source of confusion. He looked at her like he wanted her. He looked at her like he loved her but then a man that shared both sentiments wouldn't have pushed her away.
She sighed heavily. Harmon Rabb Jr would forever be a mystery to her. He avoids her advances and then acts like a jerk when she tries to move on. It was infuriatingly painful and she wanted no more of their push and pull. Was it so wrong to want just a little stability?
Foolishly, she followed him. Slipping out of the small party to find herself outside on the patio they often went to for lunch when the days were pleasant. Instinctively she knew he was there and was surprised to find him alone seated at one of the tables with his back to her. "Hey. What are you doing out here alone?"
Mac approached cautiously, stopping at the steps rather than being anywhere near him. For some reason she could feel a radiating heat coming off of his body and it swept over her like a tidal wave. So she built up her walls again, fortifying them a little more.
He knew she was there because he could smell her perfume the moment she stepped outside of the building. Her cursed her for following. He cursed her for taking that arogant asshole's ring. He cursed himself for being so stupid. "I was walking Kate out. She felt it best to leave without any fanfare." Harm shrugged. "She won't be taking Chegwidden's offer to stay either."
"I'm sorry to hear that." She wasn't, not at all. Kaitllin Pike remaining at JAG would only mean trouble. She saw the way Kate and Harm looked at each other and knew, far before the other woman had mentioned it, had mentioned it that the former partners had also been lovers.
The thought made her stomach churn and the tawdry details Kate felt the need to impose on her were not wanted or necessary. It gave her mental images that Mac wished to God she could erase and it made her wonder other things an engaged woman should not.
Harm shrugged again. "She didn't exactly feel like she could fit in with our little crew."
The chill in the air made her shiver slightly and Mac wrapped her arms around herself to keep warm. "She left nearly an hour ago."
"Has it been that long?" He turned to face her now and off of Mac's nod, shrugged once again. "Oh. Well, you would know with your timing thing."
And there he was again, staring into space just the way she had found him. It was disconcerting to say the least and something not characteristic of him. She'd found Harm like this twice before and each time something had been torturing his mind. Was he thinking about Kate? Part of her didn't want an answer but something made her ask him anyway. "What's wrong?"
"Does something have to be wrong?" Harm spat out a little harshly. Why couldn't she leave him alone? Why couldn't Sarah MacKenzie just disappear out of his life as quickly as she'd crashed into it and sent him on a never ending emotional landslide? "Can't I just sit out here alone?"
"Well something is bothering you and you never let it go when I'm in the same position. I'm trying to be a friend here."
He snorted. "I don't need a friend right now, Mac."
"Ouch."
"Look, I haven't seen Kate for years and needed a little time to process. Kinda wish she would have stuck around, honestly. For once things would have been fun around here."
Fun. Kate was fun in his eyes. She clearly was not given the few times he'd shot her barbs about being too 'uptight' or 'sensitive.' So all he wanted was a little fun? That made sense given his choice of girlfriend. "Fine. I'm sorry I'm not fun enough for you. Guess I'll see you around, Rabb."
"Mac, wait. You know I didn't mean it like that."
Mac made an about face but, her legs wouldn't carry her down the steps. She stood rooted in place a heavy feeling pressing down on her shoulders. She should be happy today of all days but there was nothing but misery. Misery and more pain. "What did you mean then? If Kate stayed she would have replaced me in your eyes."
"No. No one could do that."
"Harm, I know you slept with her." She turned then and saw his head snap up. By his expression he was mortified that she had been privy to such a fact. His mouth opened and closed, his face contorted and she had rendered him speechless. "I kinda figured it out. All of the heavy flirting, that pathetic line about the 'fastest fingers in the Navy.' And then Kate confirmed my suspicions."
"Kate?" He groaned. What happened between them was private and it was a mistake. A one-time transgression induced by a few cheap drinks, stress and a mutual physical attraction. "When?"
"A couple days ago. We were in the conference room going over a few things when she told me about your wild weekend. How that effectively ended your partnership."
Oh God, he felt so sick suddenly. "Why would she do that?"
Mac shrugged. "She thought I was competition and wanted to assert that she 'got there first', I suspect. Kate thought I had spilled the beans to the media, confronted me in the head about it too..She said..." Mac shook her head, still not believing the other woman's audacity. "...She said she was standing in the way of what I wanted."
"What did she think you wanted?"
Mac sighed, her expression turning melancholy despite her attempts to strengthen the emotional walls she built around her heart. "You."
"Me? Hah, that's funny. I hope you told her we're not interested in each other that way."
He was almost callused the way he expressed himself, his own emotional walls turning him heartless the second they left Australia and Harm realized how badly he'd messed up. If she cared for him, she would have waited. Instead, not even 24 hours after throwing herself at him, she was taking Mic's ring. He didn't want to be so upset by her actions but they hurt him. They hurt him more than any messy break up ever could. "Don't worry, I pretty much told her we'd never been intimate. That we're just friends. She didn't believe me."
Harm rolled his eyes. "Well you're an engaged woman now... officially... that should stop the office scuttlebutt about you and me. Maybe life can get back to normal."
Normal? There wouldn't be a normal and Mac knew that. Not with the way he was acting all of a sudden. "I'm going back up, I'm sure Mic's wondering where I got to." She began to walk away and yet again his voice stopped her.
"Can I ask you one thing?"
"That depends."
"Yes or no, Mac... Can I ask you one thing?" Harm noticed the way she steeled her spine and then slowly nodded. "Do you love him?"
"That's not something you get to ask. Bye, Harm."
He shot out of his seat before she could leave and caught her by the wrist. It made his fingertips tingle to brush over her soft skin. She felt it too, he could tell by the way her breath caught and her eyes met his. "Do you love him?"
"I... I don't know..." His touch was jumbling her thoughts, taking the very breath out of her.
"Don't do this. It's not too late to turn back the clock."
"What do you mean?"
Harm let go of her wrist moving his hand down slowly until he held hers. "Kate was right...You are standing between us."
"Do you want to be with her?"
"No."
Mac took a step closer, her voice barely a whisper. "What do you want?"
"Aw, hell Mac." He leaned into her and hands reached up to cup her face forcing her to meet his intense gaze. "You... I want to be with you." And then he kissed her slowly, the warmth of his kiss moving between them like a fire being stoked.