I want to thank those who take the time to comment. If you don't, I don't know what you think or would like to see happening next. Hope to hear from all of you.
Choi Young disliked the quiet hours of the evening the most. After putting his son to sleep and Eun Soo retreating to her bedroom to get ready for bed, he was left to feel as lonesome and untethered as when he was separated from her by centuries. The pain he kept locked deeply inside during the day snaked its way out, making its nest right in his heart.
They were never meant to be apart, not since they created a universe of their own, not since they partook in each other since the very first night their KIs merged.
His body was healed at last. He felt strong. The part of him that finally asserted his fatherhood was complete. But the husband to his wife, the lover to his beloved was floundering, like a forsaken ship in the vastness of ocean around him without safe harbor in view, no place to anchor his tired soul.
She was not whole, not herself in the true meaning of the word. She was a mother, but a wife and a lover, quivering under the layers of vulnerability and fragile armor was withering, their purpose untapped. If she only knew how fractured and tattered his soul was without her light, cast into darkness, his abandoned KI shriveling without the kiss of life, only her energy could infuse him with.
The love they nurtured so carefully and treasured so much together in the past has morphed. No matter how hard he tried to go back to the place where they left off, he started to believe it was no longer possible. Him and Eun Soo were still two separate people desperately trying to fix what was obviously broken, instead of becoming one entity, which could conquer any obstacle in their way.
They danced an awkward dance around the passion that sizzled just beneath the surface, of pull toward each other neither of them bothered to deny, not fulfilled and suppressed. He knew she desired the closeness he needed. He felt her energy change around him just like he was sure she could read his feelings easily without him saying a word. Like two magnets they were attracted to each other with force that was beyond them.
Often in the early morning hours he would come to the door of her room, searching for closeness he needed after another restless night. Just behind the wall, she was warm and comforting, one embrace from her and everything would be better. But that wall was impenetrable to him. He could not permit himself to ask, as the guilt of leaving her was always omnipresent and it provided both the reason and the excuse for this silent suffering he subjected himself to.
Behind that wall, she was awake and thinking about him, feeling him, yearning for him and holding herself back. Eun Soo could not fully comprehend what was stopping her from being with a man she knew loved her without reservation. Was it fear of losing herself completely in him, in their coming together? Did she leave behind who she was irretrievably when she passed through the Hwata's gate, her mind protecting her from insanity by completely taking away what they were and replacing it with emptiness and throbbing with need void?
Neither making a leap of faith, they continued as they were and the divide kept growing wider.
. . .
Today was a new day. Lee Min Ho set up a meeting with a potential client and Choi Young felt nervous. Not that he doubted his abilities, he just was not sure what to expect. The actor reassured the warrior that all he had to do was be himself. What did it mean to be himself if he no longer felt whole, not till his mind was fully healed, not till Eun Soo accepted him completely? Thinking about such things was of no use, since a job required him to be competent in his skill, which he was. The rest of him – was for his private life. Considering this made him feel more relaxed. He can do it and, maybe, it will make Eun Soo proud as an added bonus.
Eun Soo picked an outfit for him. A designer black suit, crisp white shirt and a tie, she accessorized with a watch, cufflinks and shiny pair of shoes. Choi Young observed his new image in the mirror and found himself acceptable.
"Good luck," she said and quickly pecked his cheek, blushing.
"Thank you."
Bits and pieces of Choi Young's life started to connect and make sense, yet him and Eun Soo were in a strange limbo. He sensed her confusion and holding back around him, her yearning for intimacy and frustration at her inability to reconnect the dots that made their relationship complete. What he needed was a real kiss on the lips, to feel her essence trembling in her breath, to taste the warmth of her tongue in her mouth...
She felt his energy wind up and took a step back, overwhelmed with the rise of desire in his eyes. It felt dangerous, like standing too close to fire, if she were not careful it would consume her whole, she feared. Yet, the fire was so beautiful, blazing, beckoning her to test whether she would survive unscathed the passion of its flames.
"Imja," he looked into her eyes. "I need to ask if you are upset with me."
"Why?" She shifted in discomfort already sensing what was to come out of his mouth.
"You are avoiding me now more than before. I thought with Young finally learning who I am, things would become more normal with us. More natural."
"I don't know." She shook her head. She wanted to be honest with him and with herself. It came surprisingly easy, like breathing; and she gazed into his eyes, fragile and baring the doubt in her mind and fear in her heart. "I am confused and scared. I can't move forward."
"Am I scaring you?" He hung his head and let out a sigh. "Did I do something?"
"No, of course not. It is not you, it's me." Eun Soo's eyes searched deep within his, looking for absolution. She admitted breathlessly, "My feelings when I'm around you - they are too powerful, too much."
He acknowledged it silently. Did not he know!
Choi Young carefully lowered his head, slowly getting closer to her face. Her eyes widened with surprise and anticipation, but she did not pull back. His lips almost touched hers, hovering, their breaths intermingled. Eun Soo closed her eyes, but he did not complete the kiss. She was not ready just yet. It seemed that a kiss would be like stepping on a mine, causing too much destruction, eviscerating the fragile balance between them to the point of no return.
She whispered, "Soon. I promise."
"I know, my love." Choi Young hugged her tightly; letting his body feel hers, absorb the heat and the softness of her breasts, the curvature of her lower back, the fragility of her shoulders. All in due time...