The Only Exception
As the room cleared, Benjamin Warren moved beside the woman standing in the corner. Their shoulders brushed and she turned to look at him, shaking her head. "Don't," she said sternly.
He cleared his throat and took a step back, a slight chill coming over him. "Sorry."
"I don't do that here."
Ben nodded at her. "Got it." He wanted to roll his eyes, but he knew that he would just piss her off. Her. Natalie Sutton, the Peds surgeon with beautiful brown skin, slim figure with short brown hair that made her even taller than she already was. They'd been dating for a few months and Ben was trying hard to find himself content. They had fun together—outside of the hospital. Inside of it, she basically acted like he was any other person. Any other man. And he hated it. Not that he wanted her to announce it to the world, but he also liked to hold hands and kiss and smile and do all the things people did when they were in a relationship. He shook his head. This wasn't a relationship. Her words not his. They were in a situationship. Ben and Natalie were exclusive because they were having sex, but they weren't together. And he hated it. "I'll see you later," he said but she was already several feet away. Ben headed in the opposite direction even though he needed to be going her way.
Leaving the hospital that night, he saw his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend walking toward the same exit he'd been eyeing. If anyone had asked him, and if he was in the mood to answer honestly, Miranda Bailey was, for lack of better words, the one who got away. Although they hadn't been together for almost a year, the sight of her still made his heart skip a beat. He hadn't seen her in two weeks; in fact, they hadn't spoken in months. The thought of carrying out a full conversation made him sweat. That was by choice though. He'd persuaded someone in scheduling just so that he wouldn't get put on Miranda's surgeries. He'd been desperate, but it was choice he was slightly regretting.
Ben didn't want to see her face and didn't want to have to think about the times they'd shared, the bonding he'd done with her son, Tuck. It had broken Ben's heart that he wouldn't be able to see him anymore after he and Miranda had split up. And on a low, low level, it sucked being in same building day after day. But Ben couldn't stand the thought of them being in the same room and not being able to touch her. He snapped out of his musings and focused. At the rate the three of them were going, they'd end up at the door at the same time. Ben slowed down, moving to the side to tie his already tied boot. He watched them go and when he was sure they were far enough away, he stood up, plugged his ears with his earphones and left.
By the time he got home, he was tired; and seeing Natalie waiting in lobby ticked him off for reasons he couldn't pinpoint. "Hi!" She said seamlessly turning on her affection for him. How she managed to do it, he didn't know, but it weirded him out when he really thought about it.
"Hey, b-babe," he said sputtering, but giving her a smile so that she would be none the wiser. Natalie hugged him, kissing the side of his mouth. "How was your day?"
"It was fine." They walked into his apartment and she dropped her stuff on a chair beelining for the couch. "I was thinking we could order Italian."
He headed to his bedroom. "Sounds good." Sitting on his bed, he took off his shoes and began unbuttoning his shirt. Natalie walked in the room and he smiled genuinely. He really did like her.
"I ordered." She asked while leaning in the doorway. "And did you have a good day?"
Ben nodded. "It was okay."
"Just okay?" She made her way over to him and pushed him back, settling herself on his lap, straddling him. He nodded. "Let's see if we can turn that into a 'good'."
He took a deep breath and allowed her to take over. Natalie kissed his neck, waking up his body. Alright, he thought, as he closed his eyes, kissing her back. Soon, they were both bottomless and she was grinding on him roughly. She moaned with satisfaction. He winced a little and held her waist trying to steady her. Finally, at a pace that was comfortable, he let out a deep groan. "Yesss, m-move a little to the—" Before he finished his statement, she'd readjusted.
"Like that?" Ben could only nod as his heart raced. They finished quickly and were laying in his bed waiting for the food. "You don't mind that I watch this show, right?"
"Yeah, it's okay," he said staring at the TV as two models stood in front of Tyra Banks awaiting their fate.
"You probably don't care for this, right?" Natalie laughed.
Ben shook his head. He wasn't usually a liar, but did he really want to mention to the woman in his bed that the last woman who'd been in his bed had gotten him addicted to the show? Smiling, he pulled Natalie closer. He went to squeeze her hip, but there was nothing to hold onto and he was grateful when her phone rang and the food arrived.
Standing in front of the OR board a week later, Ben found his name and started to go and prepare himself. But something caught his eye. Bailey, M. Her name was right next to his. He moved closer to the board to see if he was reading it correctly. He was! He and Miranda were apparently having surgery together in three hours and he was confused. Checking his watch, he hopped on the elevator riding down two floors. On the elevator car, Ben seethed. He'd done his best to steer clear of his ex-girlfriend only to be wind up in an OR with her, unexpectedly. Heading toward the scheduling office, he couldn't wait to rip into Pierre. If the schedule whisperer wasn't going to keep up his end of their deal, then Ben wasn't going to be paying for anymore lattes or breakfast sandwiches. And he could kiss the Christmas gift card goodbye—shit.
He knocked on the door. "Come in," an unfamiliar voice said.
Ben stepped into the room and noticed immediately that it wasn't the same one he'd been in all those months ago. Where the room had once been dark and cozy, perfect for the lowkey younger man, it was now bright and there were pops of color all over the place. What the hell? Where was Pierre? "Oh, hi, sorry, I think I'm in the wrong place," he said looking at the white woman with long, blonde hair. He checked the number on the door. 203. Well, he was in the right place, but—
"Hi. Let me guess, you're looking for Pierre?" They asked, their tone easygoing.
Shoving his hands into the pocket of his lab coat, he said: "Yeah…" He dragged out the word unsure of how this conversation was going to go.
"Well, Pierre no longer works here. Hasn't for a few weeks. I am Hannah and I'm in charge of the schedules now."
Ben could feel sweat on his back. "Oh. Okay. Hi, Hannah. I'm Dr. Ben Warren." The two of them shook hands. "Did, uh, Pierre leave anything for you? Perhaps with my name on it?"
Hannah shook her head. "Sorry, but I haven't seen anything?"
"Really? Nothing about Warren and… and Bailey?"
"Oh! Dr. Bailey! Yes! I know her."
"You do?" The woman nodded. "Okay, well, Pierre and I had a little… deal."
"And that was?"
"That he wouldn't put me in surgery with Dr. Bailey and I… would buy him lattes and such." When Ben said it out loud, it sounded ridiculous. Lattes were the price for not having to see the woman who'd broken his heart.
Hannah's mouth dropped open as she stared at the schedule. "You two have surgery today." He nodded. "Oh… which is why you're down here in the first place."
"Right. Is there anything you can do?"
"Unfortunately, I can't do anything about it now, but I can make it a note and remember for next time."
Sweet-talking was his forte and he was sure that if he really tried, he could get this Hannah to make an exception. Instead, he just sighed an "Okay" before leaving the room. Perturbed, he headed to lounge to grab a cup of coffee. Part of his strategy while he and Miranda were under the same roof was to avoid her at all costs. There were certain coffee carts he didn't go to because he knew she preferred them. That meant that most of the lounges were her territory. So thrown off, he didn't realize that he'd ended up in her favorite one. Tucked away on the fifth floor; in all his time with Miranda, he'd only seen two other people ever use the room. But, today, he walked in and saw one of the head nurses, Eli Lloyd, sitting in a chair with his back to the door. He'd recognize that rectangular head anywhere. There was no love lost between the two men. They'd already butted heads more than once, for stupid reasons, the underlying cause being Miranda though neither of them would admit it. He started to walk backward out of the room accidentally bumping into a chair. When the man shifted a bit, Ben saw Miranda sitting in front of him—her silhouette was unmistakable as she read a book. Eli's arm was wrapped around the back of the chair. She looked up and they made eye contact.
"H-hi," she said. Ben froze unable to speak. Her brown eyes could always see into him, read his thoughts and his heart. She looked away quickly.
Eli spun in his chair. "Warren."
"Hey," Ben responded jutting out his chin. "I'm just... getting some coffee." He made no move to get the beverage.
"Well, there it is," Eli said.
Ben took a breath. "Thanks," he said through gritted teeth. He quickly grabbed a cup and thanked God when his phone rang. Without another word, he dropped the cup in the trashcan and left the room. When he answered the call, he was glad that it was a spam caller; he wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone. Down the hall, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Ben sighed before turning; he knew that touch. "Hey, Nat," he said when he saw her face.
"Hey, you want to get an early lunch? At my place?"
He put a hand on his stomach as it rumbled. He hadn't eaten breakfast and was paying for it. "Uh… I don't feel all that good. I'm going to head to the bathroom."
"That is too much information," she said walking away. Guilt poured over him and karma bit him in the ass, now he really didn't feel well. Finding an empty on-call room, he set his alarm before laying down. Waking up an hour and a half later, he felt a lot better, but the thought of working with Miranda still plagued him. He wished he could get out of it. He wasn't ready to see her for hours on end. Pulling out his phone, he called his best friend and fellow anesthesiologist, Marcel Street.
"What's up, Warren?" Marcel answered.
"Marc, I need a favor and I need you to say yes."
Marcel laughed. "Does this have anything to do with the fact that you and Miranda have a surgery soon?"
"How'd you know?"
"I can read an OR board as well as the next person."
Ben knew Marcel wanted to talk about it, but he kept talking. "Can you cover for me? I feel sick as a dog."
"Yeah, that's just your nerves," Marcel replied. Ben started to object, but his friend continued. "But if you really want me to, I will."
The fact that he wasn't looking to switch services had Ben feeling suspicious. "Just like that?"
"Just like that."
Squinting, he stared at the phone not believing him. "What are you on, bruh?"
"Nothing. I'm just trying to be a good friend."
Ben held in a smile. "Thanks." He ended the call and hurried to his locker, grabbed his stuff and was gone. Natalie called him when he was pulling out of the parking lot and he ignored her. He didn't want to talk to her right now. His phone signaled that she'd left him a message. He'd listen to it later. At home, Ben just stared at the ceiling. As the fan spun, he tried to count the blades. Soon, he was asleep. A few hours later, feeling much better, he woke up and called Natalie back. "Hey, Nat."
"Hey, are you still at the hospital?"
He shook his head like he could see her. "I'm at home," he said walking to the kitchen. He was so hungry and, to be honest, he wanted to keep it that way. His hunger took his mind off of seeing Miranda. And seeing her with him—that jackass. Ben's stomach rattled again.
"Hello?"
"Yeah?"
"I asked if you needed anything."
He smiled. "Sounds like something a girlfriend would ask."
"Or like someone who wants their friend to be okay."
His smile faded. "I'm good. Thank you. But if you want to come over…" He didn't finish his statement knowing that she could fill in the blanks. His body was still reeling from seeing his ex-girlfriend. Just one look from her had his loins jumping and he needed a release. Ben had never been one to use a woman for sex, but it's essentially what they he and Natalie were—fuck buddies who kind of cared about each other.
"Give me an hour, okay?"
"One hour."
The next day, Ben met Marcel in the parking lot. "My brother!" The dark-skinned man said holding out his hand. He was an inch or two shorter than Ben with a medium build and a prominent mole on his right cheek.
"You're happy today," Ben said miming it.
"My lady is happy, so I'm happy," Marcel told him as they shook hands.
"How come I've yet to meet this amazing woman, huh?" Ben inquired.
"In due time, my friend."
Taking a breath, Ben asked: "How, uh, was it with Bailey?"
"Good. She's a great surgeon, bro. I tried to talk you up."
"You didn't!"
"I didn't, but I wanted to. You two keep dancing around each other."
Ben shook his head as they stopped at the nearest coffee cart. "She's with someone and I have someone." Marcel raised his brows, nodding sharply. "What?"
His friend looked around. The only person within earshot was the barista. "You don't have Natalie. You two hook up, have fun, but she's not yours. There's no commitment. And that's not what you want."
He hated to acknowledge how right his friend was. At any given moment, Natalie could fall in like or in love with someone else and he'd have no claim to her. "Yeah..."
After he and Marcel split, Ben headed to Hannah's office with a warm everything bagel and a hot coffee. She smiled. "Dr. Warren, you're back."
"Hannah," he said giving her the food and drink.
"I thought you bought Pierre lattes."
"I'll buy whatever combo your heart desires," he laughed.
"This is nice, but I want vanilla lattes and chocolate chip cookies."
He held up his hands. "You got it. Thank you." Ben started to leave. "Hey, how do you know Mir—Dr. Bailey? If I can ask."
Hannah pulled apart the bagel. "She came down to visit me my first day here. She knew Pierre and that he'd left and wanted to welcome me. She was very nice." His heart flittered. That was Miranda. Nice to everyone who didn't know any better. Because those who did, knew that she wasn't nice, she was kind and stern and compassionate. He leaned against the threshold. "And…"
"And?"
"She's the one who wanted me to put you on her service," Hannah admitted.
Ben tilted his head. "What? Are you sure?"
Her eyes widened. "I don't think I was supposed to tell you that, but you two… seem…" She sipped her drink. "Yikes, this needs sugar." Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a few packets. "Thanks. You two seem destined to be together."
He looked at the woman. "If that were true, we'd be together," he mumbled mostly to himself.
"Oh! Can I help you?" Hannah looked past Ben to someone standing behind him.
He turned to see Natalie looking irritated. "Hey, what are you doing down here?" He smiled, hoping that she hadn't heard any of his conversation with Hannah about Miranda.
"Um, Marcel told me where I could, uh, find you. But I can see you're busy." She waved to Hannah. "Sorry to bother you."
Ben looked at Hannah. "I gotta go."
"Good luck!" She called after him.
"Nat!" He ran down the hall, catching up to her. It reminded him so much of when he and Miranda had been dating and she saw him talking to a nurse and had given him the cold shoulder all day long. He'd found her by the elevator later that day and had confessed his true feelings in a way he'd never done with anyone before or since. "Natalie."
"What?" She whipped around, glaring at him. He sputtered unsure of what to say. "Great response."
He shifted his jaw. "What's the problem?"
"You want to be with her?"
"Hannah?" He asked screwing up his face.
Natalie sucked her teeth. "No, Miranda."
Hearing her name made him want to smile, instead he wiped his face. "Listen, I don't know what you heard or thought you heard, but…"
"I heard you telling that woman in there that you want to be with your ex."
"That's not what I said, Natalie."
She shook her head. "Whatever, Ben. If you want to be with her, be with her. But from what I see, she's moved on."
The urge to punch the wall beside him bubbled up inside of him. "That doesn't matter."
Natalie started to walk away and he touched her arm, pulling her in. "Stop," Natalie said in a soft voice. Part of him wished she would have ignored him and kept going, but now that he had her in his arms, he kissed her gently as she gasped, stepping back, looking around frantically.
"What now?"
"W-we're in public."
"And?"
"And you know my rule."
Ben swallowed. "I do." His hands dropped to his side. "And I don't want to do this anymore."
"Excuse me?"
"I can't…" He shook his head as his words betrayed him. "I can't touch you or hug you or even look at you long enough when we're here. And this is where we spend most of our time."
"Ben—"
He cut her off. Now it was his turn to be mad. "You have the nerve to be mad that I… still have feelings for Miranda. But you won't let ours flourish. You can't have it both ways, Natalie."
"Both ways?" She asked confused.
"Yes! I have feelings, too. You can't want me only on your terms."
"Because I don't want you kissing me at work?"
Ben smiled. That's exactly what Miranda had said to him the first night they'd made love. After that day, it had all changed. She held his hands as they walked into the hospital, kissed him before surgery, hugged him when they lost. "No, because you turn your affection for me on and off and never once have you considered my feelings." He kept his voice low as someone passed them.
She stared at him, trying to change his mind as her pager buzzed. "I have to go, can we talk about this later?" He nodded, reluctantly. "Come over tonight," she said and was down the hall before he could get another word in.
Checking his watch, he moved on to the appendectomy he was scheduled for. Ben went through the motions, his mind on seeing Natalie later on. He wanted that whole thing to be over. She was just filling a void in his life until maybe… maybe he could get Miranda back. How he was going to do that, he had no clue, but she was the only woman he wanted. Feeling eyes on him, he looked up in the gallery. Miranda was sitting in the front row.
Ben wondered how long she'd been sitting there and were her eyes the ones that he'd felt. He smiled beneath his mask and she sat back. Willing the surgeon to finish, he sped through the post-surgery happenings and through the rest of his day. He saw Marcel walking toward the main entrance and he called him. "Hey, Street!"
The man turned. "Yo. Whaddup?"
"Nothing. What are you doing tonight?"
Marcel shook his head. "You're free? I figured you'd be with Dr. Sutton," he said moving his hands in the shape of a woman's body. Ben stayed quiet. His friend sensed his mood. "Or we can go to Rho."
"Let's make it Joe's," he said referring to the bar right across the street from the hospital. "Rho is too loud and they overcharge for the drinks." The friends laughed.
"You good?"
"Ask me after a few beers," Ben replied. He went home and Natalie called as he was about to get in the shower. "Hello?"
"Hey, are you still coming over?"
"Um," he took a second to think. He'd made plans to blow her off. "I can stop by for a little bit, but Marcel needs my help with something."
He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. "Okay. I'll be waiting."
Ben texted Marcel that he was making a quick stop before they met up. He knocked on her apartment door. Noticing that it wasn't completely closed, he pushed it, walking in. "Hello? Nat?" Something was cooking and it smelled so good. He looked around and saw two glasses of wine on the coffee table. She was about to trap him. "Natalie?" He heard heels clicking on her floor and turned to sese her wearing a matching bra and panty set with a robe flowing behind her. His piece twitched wanting her near. She walked over to him, hugging him tightly, kissing his neck. He was minutes from caving. "What's going on?"
"Well," she whispered in his ear, "I just wanted to apologize for earlier."
"Okay," he said squeezing her waist.
"We've been semi-exclusive for a while and maybe it's time to take it to the next level."
He jerked his head back. "What level is that?"
"We make this official." Ben let her kiss him while he processed her statement. He'd been wanting to hear that for weeks, but now… the words felt empty and made him feel hollow. "What do you think? Of us as a real couple."
He shut his eyes. In his mind, he was kissing breasts bigger than the ones in front of him and sliding off panties, but they didn't belong to Natalie, touching juices that were more delicious than anything he'd ever tasted. Shaking his head, he took a step back. "Mmm… I'm sorry," he said in a firm voice.
"For what?"
"If I stay tonight, we'll have a good time—we always do, but, Natalie, it won't change anything." He inhaled. "We should cut ties, you know? Our professional relationship won't change much and it's for the best, don't you think?" He phrased his thoughts as questions to give her the opportunity to be apart of the decision he'd already made. He was done.
"So what are you saying, Ben?" She tied her robe and the motion sobered him. "Are we over?"
"Yes." He gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Have a good night, Natalie." Instead of waiting for a response, he was gone. On his way to Joe's, he blasted the music loudly. "I get hypnotic with the moon, but you got to put me down soon," Ben rapped pulling into the crowded bar. He found Marcel at the bar chatting to a beautiful woman with dark brown skin and big, curly hair. Ben recognized her as a 5th year resident.
Marcel clapped his back. "Bout time you got here. Now, I know it was supposed to be us two, but I invited my girl. Stephanie, my best friend, Ben Warren. Warren, this is Stephanie Edwards, my lady."
Ben's face was full of surprise. "Wow. It's nice to finally meet," he said.
"Likewise. I've heard a lot about you."
Turning to his friend, he said: "What have you told her about me, Street?"
"Bruh, we don't talk about you," Marcel responded making the three of them laugh.
"Uh, actually Hannah from scheduling is one of my good friends," Stephanie told him.
"Ahhh. She's cool," Ben said.
"So, what are we drinking?" Marcel asking clapping once. "First round's on me."
Stephanie stood up. "Whatever you gentlemen are having is good with me. I'm just going to go to the bathroom." She kissed Marcel and Ben watched half-intrigued by the affection his friend was giving and receiving and half-jealous because he wanted that again. "I'll be back."
They watched her go. "Mmm, mmm, mmm!" Marcel exclaimed. "Don't look too hard now."
Ben chuckled. "Nah, man, that's all you."
"Aye, before we start drinking, I want to tell you that…" He sighed. "I'm leaving anesthesiology."
"What?"
"Yeah, man, I'm jumping into surgery."
Ben pushed his fingers in his ears. "What?"
"I'm ready for something different, Warren. And I think you should do it with me."
Now, he was really floored. "You sound crazy."
"Maybe, but still. Let's do it. You and me like old times."
Ben waved down the bartender. "Joe, my man, can you get us three glasses of champagne?" The man nodded.
"Is that your way of saying you'll join me?" Marcel asked looking at him.
Ben sighed. "It's my way of saying that I'm proud of you and I'll think about it." The two men slapped hands and hugged.
"I see you told Ben the good news," Stephanie said coming up to them. They all picked up a glass. "To surgery!" Their glasses made a melodic clinking sound.
"To surgery!" Ben, Marcel and a few other people around them shouted.
Over the next few weeks, Ben couldn't stop thinking about Marcel's proposal. The two friends going through their surgical residency sounded like fun. But the only person in his ear was Marcel and, of course, he was for it. He needed another perspective. Everything in him wanted to call up Miranda. But he couldn't. He was sure she'd moved on away from him—away from them.
Against his better judgment, he went looking for Natalie. He hoped she wouldn't be too pissed with him after the way he'd left her apartment the last time they'd seen each other. She wasn't in her office and when he checked the schedule, her name was nowhere to be found. On a whim, he went to see Hannah at the end of the day with her preferred treats in hand. "Dr. Warren, please tell me those are mine," Hannah asked looking at him.
He grinned. "Yep."
She took them thanking him. After digging into the pack of cookies, she said: "So, I didn't think I'd be seeing you until later in the week, do you need something?" He squinted and her eyes widened. "Is it Dr. Bailey? Please tell me you want to change your arrangement." The woman put her hands together.
"No, this isn't about Dr. Bailey," he said wishing that it were. Ben pulled up a chair. "I need some information on someone. Can you do that for me?" He gave her a smile that he knew would have doing as he asked.
Hannah spun in her chair. "Name?"
"Right. Uh, Sutton… Natalie," Ben said moving toward the computer. "When is she on the schedule next?"
She clicked around. "Uh, she's not on the schedule in the coming weeks." Hannah tapped some more and Ben scanned the screen. "And it looks like she hasn't been scheduled for the last two weeks." Hannah shrugged. "Maybe she's on vacation?" She suggested.
He clicked his teeth a few times. "Maybe. But, uh, thanks, Hannah," he said winking at her.
"Anytime," she grinned.
Walking toward the exit, he called Natalie. There was something going on and he needed to know—even if they weren't together anymore. "Hello?" She answered. He couldn't deny how he felt hearing her voice after so long.
"Hey, Nat," he said.
"Oh, hello." The ice in her voice was quite evident. She was pissed.
"How are you?" No response. "H-hello, are you still there?"
"What do you want, Ben?"
"I wanted to know," he started moving his head from side to side, "if you wanted to meet up… maybe get some coffee. My treat."
There was a long pause. "For what, Ben? I haven't heard from you in weeks."
He sighed. "I know, we didn't end things on great terms, but I'm concerned. You're not on the schedule and haven't been for a while."
"You're checking up on me?"
"Like I said, I'm worried about you. I haven't seen you or anything like that."
"It took you long enough."
Ben couldn't hold in a laugh. "My head has been all over the place. Are you okay?"
There was silence on his end and he wish he knew her well enough to know what that meant. Natalie sighed. "I don't work at the hospital anymore."
"What?"
"I'm at Seattle Pres now. I'm the head of Peds."
"What?" He said again going through the automated doors.
"Yeah. I interviewed a few months ago and transferred a week ago."
Ben screwed up his face. "Wow. Just… wow!"
"Yep," she said popping the "p". They were quiet for a long time.
In his car, he started it up. "Well, I'm happy for you, Natalie."
"Really?"
"Of course, girl."
"Enough to come over and say congratulations in person?"
Ben bit his bottom lip. "You know I can't do that."
"I know. That was a test and you passed." The two of them cracked up and for a brief second, he wondered if maybe he'd missed out on something.
"I'm glad you're good. I was getting worried."
"And I'm glad that I'm still on your mind." He chuckled. "Maybe I'll see you around?"
He nodded. "Maybe." The call didn't go as he expected, but it felt good to finally have amicable closure with Natalie. She seemed okay and that eased his anxiety about how they'd left their relationship. "Bye, Natalie."
Saturday morning, Ben was still going back and forth about his decision. He'd made lists and talked to his parents. One than once, he dialed Miranda's number only to chicken out. She was the one person who would know what to say. He smiled when he imagined how their conversation about it would go. Miranda would listen and be his sounding board. Without a doubt, she'd guide him toward surgery, teasing him all the way, but having his back as well. Ben wished that he could call her, but… it had been so long.
Taking on another field of medicine was a big deal. He couldn't make a decision while at the hospital, it kept swaying him. At home, he would just watch TV and sleep. That afternoon, he got dressed and went to a place he'd vowed not to go because it was, technically, Miranda's territory. She'd put him on the specialness that was the public library. The low bustle mixed with the mandatory silence was perfect for thinking and researching. Perhaps surgery would be a good shift. Maybe a trip to the library would open his eyes to possibilities of things yet to come. He walked into the old building, up the stairs and headed straight for the stacks.