The Future is Now
"You kept a dodo?" Mastermind yelped as the Acolytes arrived in the next time period.
"Just a little one," Pyro smiled cuddling a young dodo in his arms. "She's an orphan. Her mum was the only dodo killed during the fight with the sailors."
"That is because she was the one who set off their entire supply of gunpowder," Piotr pointed out.
"Figures," Sabertooth grunted.
"I dunno if this is a good idea, homme," Remy said glancing at the young dodo. "I mean sure it's a nice souvenir, but…"
"She's not a souvenir! She's a poor, lonely sheila without a home," Pyro protectively hugged the dodo. "I couldn't just leave her behind. She's all young and defenseless."
"Do-doh! Py-roh!" The dodo cooed and attempted to nip at Mastermind.
"Ow!" Mastermind clutched his hand. "That thing nearly bit off my finger!"
"Well, maybe not that defenseless," Remy smirked.
"No, don't try to eat Masty! You'll get sick," Pyro scolded holding the dodo back. "You wanna grow up to be big and strong like me, right Pippi?"
"Pippi?" Piotr blinked.
"Yep! That's her name!" Pyro beamed proudly. "It's short for Penelope."
"Pippi the Dodo," Remy rolled his eyes. "I swear our lives just keep getting more and more insane."
"Ya think?" Sabertooth mocked.
"I think it is nice that you saved at least one dodo from extinction. For a while anyway," Piotr smiled as the newly christened Pippi nuzzled his hand. "I have to admit, she is rather cute."
"She sure is!" Pyro chirped tickling the dodo's chin. "Ya know, with all the unique traits evolution bestowed upon dodos, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Pippi turns out to be a mutant."
"Oh no! Don't even start with that so-called kind of thinking!" Mastermind snapped. "Dodos were not mutants!"
"How do you know? Are you some kind of dodo expert or something?" Pyro asked. "I can't wait to see what kind of powers Pippi might get. She can be our mascot!"
"I sure Mags will be thrilled when he hears that news," Remy quipped.
"Gotta admit it fits," Sabertooth snorted at his teammates. "A nut-eating featherhead for a bunch of nutty, bird brains!"
"Fine! Keep the stupid dodo! Make it president for all I care!" Mastermind threw up his hands in exasperation. "It'll be a perfect symbol for all the pain, chaos, loss and destruction we've endured during this whole stupid trip!"
"Whaddya talking about, Masty?" Pyro asked stroking Pippi's head. "This trip's been a lot of fun!"
"Are you insane? What am I saying?" Mastermind yelled. "This trip has been everything but fun! It's a giant roller-coaster slash train wreck of misery, suffering, madness, woe, tragedy and despair!"
"Eh, what else is new?" Sabertooth grunted.
"It has been more than that," Piotr reflected. "Yes, some parts have been tough, but it has also been filled with many incredible, once-in-a-lifetime experiences."
"Including the odd romantic encounter or three," Remy smiled fondly. "I know I've enjoyed the company of many fine, lovely femmes during this whirlwind of a trip."
"And we've picked up plenty of great souvenirs too!" Pyro chirped happily. "Right, Pippi?"
"Do-doh! Py-roh!" Pippi cooed.
"Oh geeze, how did this happen? Why did this happen? What happened to my life?" Mastermind groaned holding his head. "Who chose to lump me in with this crew of mindless, immature maniacs? When did the countless rounds of zany, inane wackiness become the defining milestones of my existence? Where is all this seemingly endless madness and insanity leading up to? Are we nothing but pawns performing in some giant cosmic farce acting out a mad lunatic's whims solely for some unseen audience's sick, twisted amusement?"
"Well, now that you mention it…" Piotr thought.
"You know, I've often wondered about that too," Remy admitted.
"Things were bad enough before we stumbled into this ridiculous, fractured trip through time," Mastermind went on with a crazy look in his eye. "People often consider time travel to be all exciting and romantic. Ha, what a crock! Time travel is nothing but a wild mess of chaos, disorder, pandemonium and doom!"
"Gee, I wonder why?" Sabertooth glared at his teammates.
"Just look at everything we've had to put up with!" Mastermind's voice grew higher and higher. "We've been chased, shot at, cursed at, gotten into fist fights, bar fights, sword fights, gun fights, food fights, heck every kind of fight! Been caught in the middle of full-scale battles, multiple world wars, assassination attempts, found ourselves captured, tortured, nearly sacrificed, executed and literally blown up! Often several times in a row!"
"We've also partied hard, enjoyed lots of good food and enjoyed the soothing tranquility of a few natural hot springs and bath houses," Remy smiled. "And with lots of hot, willing feminine company too!"
"Do not remind me," Piotr shuddered.
"And it's not just the stupid, broken time machine that's the source of our transportation troubles, oh no!" Mastermind's voice was that of the insane. "We've wound up on trains, planes, ships, automobiles, horses, wagons, canoes, zeppelin and even a space station! We've survived floods, earthquakes, sandstorms, plague, typhoons, volcanic eruptions, a nuclear explosion, extinction-level events and burning down more cities than I can count!"
"Not enough burning if you ask me," Pyro said.
"Py-roh, Py-roh!" Pippi agreed.
"We've encountered peasants and emperors, children and warlords, famous figures, obscure figures, doppelgängers, dinosaurs, ancient mammals," Mastermind was clearly going off the deep end. "Been in huts and palaces, locked in prisons, castles, an asylum and even viewed great wonders of the world! That is until we destroyed them and wiped them off the face of the Earth!"
"At least we didn't leave any evidence behind," Remy pointed out. "At least none that will stand up in a court of law."
"Our travels have taken us all over the world and beyond!" Mastermind continued to rant. "We've been dropped off underground, on islands, in rivers and even in midair! We've found ourselves floundering in seas and oceans, been plopped in the middle of deserts, plains, forests, jungles, mountains, tundra! Floated inside a meteor, set foot on continents that no longer exist and even wound up on Mars!"
"And Venus," Pyro reminded. "Don't forget Venus!"
"If only," Sabertooth grunted.
"We've seen it all! Done it all! Lived it all! Survived it all!" Mastermind threw his arms wide. "WHAT MORE IS THERE?!"
"Hello!" A nearby sleek information kiosk chimed sensing Mastermind's movement. "The time is now ten oh eight AM! The temperature is seventy-four degrees Fahrenheit with a relative humidity level of nine point nine percent! The date is Wednesday, July eighteenth, 2063!"
Mastermind paused for a moment before gazing up at the heavens. "Nice touch."
"Oh boy! We're in the future!" Pyro chirped excitedly. "I wonder what new kinds of flammable fuels and materials there are to burn around here?"
"I do not believe it," Piotr was stunned. "This is our most unexpected jump yet."
"That's not all. Check this out," Remy indicated the information kiosk. It read: WELCOME TO THE XAVIER CENTER FOR GIFTED SENIORS.
"Guess old baldy finally decided to rename his brand," Remy commented. "Times certainly have changed."
"Eh, big mansion, manicured lawn, tennis courts, swimming pools," Sabertooth grunted at their surroundings. "I don't see any difference."
"Hey, about time you got here. We've been expecting you."
"Uh, how about now?" Piotr turned and spotted a pair of older, familiar-looking figures sitting on a nearby bench.
"Bonjour, mes amis," An elder Remy stood up to greet them while supporting himself with a slick, telescoping cane. He had a nearly full head of messy grey hair, wore a loose aqua shirt, white pants, sharp pair of sunglasses and was the very model of a senior 'silver fox'. "You're a sight for sore eyes."
"Hello," An elder Piotr slowly got to his feet. He had a short white beard, wore a light long-sleeved shirt and pants, a nice sun hat on his clearly balding head and appeared to be around eighty years old. "Welcome to Phoenix, Arizona."
"Arizona?" Remy blinked. "What happened to Xavier's being based in New York?"
"Eh, he built and opened this facility once he finally decided to retire," Old Remy waved. "The weather is easier on the arthritis you know. Plus, the Bayville institute keeps getting blown up every few years or so…"
"Guess some things never change," Pyro quipped.
"No kidding," Old Piotr groaned. "Mind if we take a seat?" He and Old Remy slowly eased themselves back down onto the bench. "Ah, much better."
"Uh, so you are us," Piotr stared at the two former Acolytes in shock. "This is quite a surprise."
"I'm surprised you both managed to live so long," Mastermind blinked having finally recovered his senses.
"You aren't the only one," Old Remy winced. "I swear, those crazy kids will be the death of me yet!"
"Kids?" Remy did a take.
"Yep, a whole pack of 'em," Old Remy smiled proudly. "Hey, here's one now."
"Hi, Grandpa G!" A young girl wearing a light sun outfit and sandals happily skipped up to him. She had dark hair, red eyes and appeared to be about nine years old. "Nice to see you!"
"Nice to see you too, Odette," Old Remy smiled giving her a hug. "Man, you're getting big!"
"Grandpa G?" Remy blinked.
"Short for Grandpa Gambit. Catchy, non?" Old Remy smirked letting go of Odette. "Where's your brother Jacques?"
"Filling the lobby with chocolate pudding," Odette pointed at the mansion's flooded entrance. "He heard somebody complaining about the kitchen always running out of it during our last visit. Mum and papa went to help clean things up before checking in on Grandma Rogue."
"Grandma Rogue?" Remy's eyes grew wide. "Oh, I like the sound of that!"
"Who are you?" Odette looked up at Remy questioningly. "Hey, your eyes are just like Grandpa G's."
"Uh," Piotr fumbled for an explanation.
"Oh, he's a young me along with a group of lost time traveling companions from my younger days," Old Remy said casually.
"Ah, okay," Odette nodded.
"Huh, she took that rather well," Remy remarked.
"Believe me, running into lost time traveling versions of our younger selves is not the strangest thing that has ever happened around here," Old Piotr shrugged. "It is not even one of the top ten strangest things that has happened here this year!"
"Plus kids' minds are really elastic," Old Remy added. "It's amazing how easily they accept the seemingly bizarre."
"If only I could say the same thing about my mind," Mastermind moaned.
"Why are you lost?" Odette asked the Acolytes. "Don't you know where you're going?"
"Nope, not a clue," Pyro smiled. "But we're sure having a lot of fun getting there!"
"Speak for yourself," Sabertooth growled.
"Well, we know where we want to be, but we can't get there because our time machine is broken," Remy explained. "The guy who invented it hadn't finishing working out all the bugs."
"Understatement of the century," Mastermind groaned. "Of any century!"
"Oh, that's too bad," Odette commented. "Would you like me to fix it?"
"Uh, it is nice of you to ask," Piotr said carefully. "But I do not know if you could handle it."
"I could too!" Odette insisted. "I made a real working time machine for my science project last year!"
"You what?" Mastermind goggled.
"Yeah, let her take a look at it," Old Remy said proudly. "Odette has a knack for understanding how all the new-fangled technology works these days. Takes after me that way."
"More like her grandmother," Old Piotr gave him a look.
"Uh, are you sure about this?" Piotr asked nervously as Mastermind took off the machine and handed it to Odette. "The machine may not work perfectly right now, but it does technically work. If she breaks it we may never get back to our own time."
"Wow, this thing really is old," Odette had already popped open a maintenance panel. "The temporal dilation buffers in here are ancient! And is that supposed to be a chronon discriminator? I could build a better one out of parts of my old baby toys!"
"On second thought," Piotr blinked.
"So, how's life treating you mates?" Pyro asked Old Remy and Old Piotr eagerly. "Where am I? What fun future things are gonna happen to us? Are there any new flammable fuels I can burn and play with around here?"
"Boy, does this ever bring back memories," Old Remy shared a look with Old Piotr. "Remember when old Flame Brain used to be this calm?"
"If only he had stayed this way," Old Piotr sighed.
"You call this calm?" Remy gestured at Pyro's bouncing form.
"Compared to his older counterpart, yes," Old Piotr nodded.
"You mean he gets worse?" Mastermind blanched in horror.
"Yup," Old Remy nodded. "Here's a tip: enjoy these times while they last."
"Are you crazy?" Sabertooth snapped. "I can't wait until this whole stupid Era of Insanity is over!"
"Yes, you are probably very anxious to move on and get along with your singing career," Old Piotr waved.
"Singing?" Piotr blinked.
"Oh yeah, ol' Sabes is off living the mutant dream," Old Remy explained. "He finally got tired of fighting all the time and went off to hit the big grand opera circuit. His latest world tour is somewhere in Europe right now playing to sold out houses."
"WHAT?!" Mastermind yelped. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
"You mean he's Victor 'Vocal Cord' Creed?" Odette gasped at Sabertooth in awe. "Wow! I love your work! Your voice is amazing! Can I have your autograph?"
"Uh, sure kid," Sabertooth blinked in surprise.
"Thanks!" Odette held up her shirt sleeve for him to sign. "Can you write it in blood?"
"Blood?!" Mastermind did a double-take.
"Let's just say Odette shares some of her grandmother's tastes," Old Remy coughed as Sabertooth used one of his claws to stab himself and sign Odette's shirt.
"Speaking of which," Old Piotr gestured at an approaching figure.
"What are you doing out here, Odette?" An elder Rogue strode up to the group. She wore a light three-quarter sleeve duster, slipper-like boots and with her trademark white-streaked hair still distinguishable from the rest of her silver-grey locks. "I saw your mom and dad chasing your brother around covering in pudding, but I didn't see you."
"Hi, Grandma Rogue!" Odette waved. "I was helping a young Grandpa G and his friends fix their time machine."
"Huh, figures my husband's younger self would show up today," Old Rogue gazed at the Acolytes. "Whew, I'd completely forgotten how much of a stud my man used to be."
"Aw, I'm wounded, chérie," Remy grinned at her. "But I'd be happy to give you a private trip down memory lane to help jog your memory…"
"Not you," Old Rogue brushed him aside. "I'm talking about my man."
"Huh?" Remy was completely caught off guard. "Wait, if I'm not married to you, who is?"
"Uh, yeah. About that…" Old Remy coughed.
"WAAAHOOOOOOOOO!" An old Pyro whizzed by seated in a futuristic wheelchair. He had wild grey hair, wore a bright long-sleeved shirt, light tan pants and a nasal cannula connected to a large oxygen tank secured to the back of the chair. "TO IGNITION TEMPS AND BEYOND! YAAAY!"
"Hey! Quit trying to burn down the lawn, you old fool and get over here!" Old Rogue shouted at him. "We have visitors!"
"Oh no," Remy paled in horrid realization. He frantically began shaking his head in denial. "No! No! No! It's not possible!"
"G'day, love!" Old Pyro zipped up to everyone in a shower of sparks. "Wanna go for a ride with me?"
"Maybe later," Old Rogue leaned down to give him a kiss. "In private…"
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remy screamed.
"Oh my!" Piotr gaped in shock.
"Oh boy," Mastermind whistled.
"Ooo, this is gonna be good," Sabertooth snickered.
"Grandma! Ewww!" Odette made a face.
"Oddy! How's my little ball of sunshine, sparklers and fire?" Old Pyro chirped at Odette. "Enjoying the new high-powered flamethrower I gave you for your birthday?"
"Oh yes! It's great!" Odette smiled. "I modified it to shoot out different colored flames."
"Hey, nice work, sheila!" Pyro praised. "Got any spare fuel I can use to refill my pack?"
"Hey, lookie!" Old Pyro noticed him. "You must be me from the ol' time travel days. Wow, I was cute!"
"You sure were," Old Rogue smiled squeezing his shoulder. "And still are."
"GAAAGGGHHHHHH!" Remy shrieked and began to hyperventilate while frenetically pulling at his hair.
"You're Grandpa P?" Odette looked at Pyro in surprise. "Sorry, I didn't recognize you with your head covering and visor."
"Aw, no worries sheila," Pyro waved. "I sometimes don't recognize myself either."
"You never knew who you were to begin with," Sabertooth muttered.
"Here you go, Grandpa G. I fixed your time machine," Odette tried to hand the machine to a highly agitated Remy. "Sorry it took so long. I had to recalibrate the space-time sensors manually."
"You fixed it?" Mastermind gaped at her in shock. "How the heck did you…?"
"I told ya she was smart," Old Remy beamed proudly. "Takes after me just like all my other grandkids!"
"Oh please. Our mutual grandkids take more after Pyro than they ever have of you," Old Rogue snorted. "Thank goodness!"
"The thought of Pyro having any kids is frightening enough," Mastermind moaned. "And another reason for me to wake up screaming in the middle of the night."
"You sure you fixed the stupid time machine, kid?" Sabertooth looked at Odette skeptically.
"I think so," Odette shrugged.
"You think?!" Mastermind yelped.
"Sorry! I'm not used to working with something this old," Odette indicated the machine in her hands. "It doesn't even have a decent tempus regulator."
"That is okay," Piotr said. "I am sure you did your best."
"Yeah, good work sheila!" Pyro smiled. "Besides, you couldn't have broken it any more than it already was."
"Wanna bet?" Sabertooth grunted.
"I just need to input the destination information," Odette said. "Do you know the exact time and coordinates of the place that you would like to go?"
"Sure, the original date that saw us stumble off on this accursed trip was…" Mastermind blinked looking lost. "Uh, actually I don't quite remember. I think it was a Saturday…"
"Oh, never mind," Odette said glancing at a screen. "I found the information in the machine's travel logs."
"There are logs?" Piotr said in surprise.
"Among other things," Odette closed a maintenance panel and held the machine up to Pyro. "Can I play with your dodo, young Grandpa P?"
"Sure, sheila!" Pyro chirped exchanging Pippi for the machine. "Just make sure you give her back before I leave."
"Or don't," Mastermind grumbled. "Seriously, don't!"
"Okay. Come on, little dodo. Let's go find some fresh nuts to roast!" Odette giggled running off.
"Do-doh! Py-roh!" Pippi cooed hopping after her.
"Aw, they grow up so fast," Pyro sniffed handing the machine to Mastermind. "Those sheilas look so free and happy."
"Unlike somebody around here," Sabertooth smirked.
"This can't be happening! It has to be a dream! A hallucinatory nightmare!" Remy looked like he was about to have a simultaneous heart attack and stroke. "How the heck did my dear, destined-to-be-together-forever chérie end up marrying Pyro?!"
"Geeze, get over yourself, kid," Old Rogue rolled her eyes. "It's not that hard to believe."
"Yeah, we share plenty of common interests," Old Pyro smiled. "Cooking methods, dance moves, music tastes, literary passions. It was my finely developed style of poetry that really won her over…"
"That and you're a great kisser," Old Rogue whispered in his ear. "Along with your other intimate skills…"
"AAACCCKKKKKK!" Remy screeched.
"I am not listening! I am not listening! La, la, la, la, la!" Both Piotrs blushed and covered their ears.
"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in," Old Remy grumbled.
"HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!" Remy shouted at his elder counterpart. "WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP THEM WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE?!"
"I tried," Old Remy sighed in resignation. "Boy, did I try."
"WELL THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER! I'D RATHER DIE THAN SEE MY SWEET CHÉRIE MARRY ANYONE OTHER THAN…" Remy suddenly paused. "Wait a second! It's a trick! She can't be the real Rogue! She must be a shapeshifter or something!"
"Oh, that's rich coming from the guy who ended up marrying Mystique," Old Rogue rolled her eyes.
"WHAT?!" Remy shrieked.
"Ouch," Sabertooth shot Remy a rare look of sympathy. "And I thought the time I spent with that blue witch was bad."
"What do you mean your time?" Piotr looked at him in shock.
"Well, ya see…" Sabertooth began.
"Never mind," Piotr quickly cut him off. "I do not want to know!"
"Who's Mystique?" Mastermind asked looking confused.
"Oh, she's my lovely wife's adopted mum who attempted to kill me a few times," Old Pyro said casually. "Still tries on occasion."
"Forget I asked," Mastermind groaned.
"You married Mystique?" Pyro stared at Old Remy in surprise. "Why did ya do that, mate? I thought you had more sense than that."
"Look who's talking," Sabertooth grunted.
"It was shortly after Rogue finally learned how to control her powers," Old Remy sighed. "Mystique impersonated her and tried to seduce me in order to acquire some unique genetic material in my possession. However, it ended up working a little too well…"
"That is one way to put it," Old Piotr groaned.
"Long story short, those two ended up married and had a kid," Old Rogue finished.
"And you were okay with it?!" Remy stared at her incredulously.
"Considering the circumstances, I got over both of you a long time ago," Old Rogue jerked her thumb at Old Remy. "It's the three kids this fool and Mystique had after that who were a real shock."
"That's why we got back at 'em by having a pack of tackers of our own," Old Pyro smiled. "Among other reasons…"
"EEEP!" Remy's entire face began to twitch.
"I was shocked when Remy and Mystique filled for a divorce the same day their eldest son announced his engagement to Pyro's and Rogue's second daughter," Old Piotr said. "I lost twenty dollars on that marriage betting pool."
"Really?" Remy nearly fainted in relief. "Thank goodness!"
"On the other hand, I won six hundred dollars when everyone found out they decided to get back together at their kids' wedding," Old Piotr continued. "Talk about a double-header."
"AAAGGGHHHHHH!" Remy screamed and began banging his head on the nearby information kiosk. "NOOOOOOOOO! BAD REMY! BAD REMY! BLEAH! UNCLEAN! AAAGGGHHHHHH!"
"Hello! The time is…buzz…whirr…fizz…" The kiosk warbled.
"Okay, moving on," Mastermind said as Remy proceeded to have his mental breakdown. "We know what happens to three members of our crazy band of lunatics, but what about me? Did I die peacefully in my sleep or did one of you maniacs finally manage to knock me off in some random act of stupidity?"
"Oh, you're still alive. Medical science has come a long way in the field of prolonging life," Old Remy told him. "You finally lost your mind and were driven completely mad after the Washing Machine, Napalm, Cream Cheese and Octopuses Incident."
"Yeah, you're off drooling in a cup in the psychiatric ward of the Bayville institute," Old Pyro said. "Which is kinda redundant if you ask me."
"The three of us were partially responsible for your condition," Old Piotr coughed gesturing to his elder male companions. "Along with a few others."
"I should have known," Mastermind groaned.
"What about me?" Piotr asked bracing himself. "Do I even want to know about my future?"
"Well, you did date my old roommate for a while," Old Rogue said. "Until she broke up with you to marry that rock-headed Alvers loon in the Brotherhood."
"Oh," Piotr blinked. "Well, that seems…disappointing."
"Trust me, homme. You dodged a bullet on that one," Old Remy told him. "That crazy petite never did learn how to drive or cook."
"But eventually I moved on with my life and ended up getting together with Wanda," Old Piotr told him.
"Wanda? You mean Magneto's daughter?" Piotr gasped in shock. "How? Why?"
"Well to be honest, at first she was just using me as an easy means to annoy her father," Old Piotr said. "And in an attempt to make Pyro jealous."
"WHAT?!" Piotr, Mastermind and Sabertooth yelped in surprise.
"Hey, what can I say? The sheilas love me!" Old Pyro grinned patting Old Rogue's hand. "You shoulda seen the fight those two love-struck ladies finally had over me. What an eruption, rarrr!"
"Ooo, sounds like fun!" Pyro grinned. "I can't wait to see that!"
"Though eventually, Wanda and I developed real feelings for each other," Old Piotr told his young counterpart. "There were plenty of rough spots, but I am very happy with my life."
"I see," Piotr nodded slowly. "Well, I am glad things turned out alright for you…me…us. Though I am deeply disturbed at the thought of having Magneto as a father-in-law."
"Could be worse," Sabertooth grunted. "You could've married Mystique."
"You have a point," Piotr conceded.
"Arrrggghhh! I am gonna kill Pyro!" Remy ranted with a crazy look in his eye. "No, I'm gonna kill Mystique! No, I'm gonna kill myself!"
"Relax, mon amis. Being with Mystique hasn't been so bad," Old Remy tried to calm him down.
"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!" Remy shrieked. "HOW CAN BEING MARRIED TO MYSTIQUE BE ANYTHING BUT BAD?!"
"She's a shapeshifter," Old Remy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You figure it out."
"Oh no!" Piotr blushed turning away. "Bad image! Bad image!"
"Oh wow," Mastermind's eyes grew wide. "I want to meet this woman!"
"No, you don't," Sabertooth grunted. "Trust me!"
"Oh, I didn't think of that…WHAT AM I SAYING?!" Remy screamed throwing back his head. "AAACCCKKKKKK! THE FUTURE IS SICK! I'M GONNA BE SICK! I HATE THE FUTURE! THE FUTURE MUST BE DESTROYED!"
"Hey, don't knock the future, mate," Pyro warned. "It's where we'll all be spending the rest of our lives."
"NOT IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!" Remy howled.
"Calm down, homme. You can still prevent yourself from experiencing any of this," Old Remy said.
"Huh?" Remy stared at him hopefully. "What do you mean?"
"It is complicated," Old Piotr attempted to explain. "Just because certain events happened to us does not mean they will necessarily happen to you."
"But such events have clearly already occurred," Mastermind pointed out. "So that means they must inevitably happen to us at some point…"
"That's not how time travel works," Old Pyro waved. "It involves temporal mechanics and uncertainty principles and quantum foam and string theory and…"
"Huh?" Piotr looked completely lost.
"Think of it like this," Old Rogue attempted to explain. "Your present moment in time is like being in a single room in a given section of a sequential, cone-shaped maze. And there are a hundred doors leading from it to a hundred other different rooms in the next section."
"Okay," Remy said slowly. "Continue."
"Each room in the second section leads to a hundred other different rooms in the third section, which each leads to a hundred more different rooms in the fourth section and so on," Old Rogue went on. "That's kind of what time is like. Each instant has hundreds of different possibilities and outcomes, but you only ever end up following one."
"As time moves forward you move from one section of the maze to the next, but are only ever in one room for any given section and can't go back to a previous one," Old Remy continued. "But you're leaving footprints behind so you can see and know where you've been."
"However, a time machine allows you to go back and forth to other sections of the maze, but only to rooms where you've left footsteps," Old Rogue explained. "So going back to a point in your recorded past is relatively simple."
"But your future footsteps haven't been made yet, so a time machine doesn't know exactly where to go," Old Remy continued. "It could drop you off in any of a million different rooms, but your footsteps won't necessarily end up leading there."
"Okay," Mastermind followed the line of thought. "I think I get it."
"The future is always in a state of flux," Old Piotr said. "It is only when you get there that its final form becomes clear."
"It's like reading a story as it's being written, but you can't skip ahead to see what happens since the rest of the pages are blank," Old Pyro smiled. "Everything is speculative until the final words are jotted down. But you're the writer so the future is what you make it! At least within the given rules of language and grammar."
"This is still very confusing," Piotr admitted shaking his head.
"It's time travel, Russian," Sabertooth snorted. "It's supposed to be confusing."
"So what you're saying is that this is only one possible future, but not necessarily our future?" Remy asked hopefully.
"Exactly," Old Remy nodded.
"So this is kind of a 'what if' scenario?" Mastermind suggested.
"More or less," Old Piotr shrugged.
"So the future can still change. It's not too late!" Remy chanted with a determined look in his eyes. "I can make it so that this sick, twisted nightmare of a future never comes to pass!"
"Oh, it will still happen due to the laws of quantum duplication and relative frame of references," Old Rogue snorted. "Just not necessarily to you."
"Close enough!" Remy cried taking her hand and kissing it. "Don't worry, chérie! I'll make sure we end up together! You'll see! YOU'LL SEE!"
"Eh, whatever," Old Rogue waved.
"Here, homme. This might help a bit," Old Remy handed Remy a package. "It's a new trench coat made of the latest nanomaterials and filled with all kinds of fancy thieving goodies."
"Oh wow!" Remy goggled. "Thanks, mon amis! You're the best!"
"Of course I am," Old Remy preened. "I'm you!"
"Oh brother," Sabertooth snorted at the exchange. "Forget the X-girl. The Cajun's one true love will always be himself!"
"Man, this is great!" Remy ripped open the package and eagerly inspected his new trench coat. It looked like a slightly futuristic version of his current one, but in much better condition. "I love it! How can I ever thank you?"
"Lemme have your trench coat as a memento," Old Remy smiled wistfully. "I have a lot of fond memories associated with that coat. Pyro incinerated mine decades ago. Plus, it's a collector's item…"
"Deal!" Remy quickly transferred his array of supplies, tools and souvenirs from his old trench coat to his new one. "You want it, you got it!"
"Wait, how could you have had a coat for Pyro to burn in the future? I mean, the past?" Piotr frowned in confusion. "If you are giving it to yourself now, doesn't that mean you would not have kept it to be burned later…?"
"That's not how time travel works," Old Remy, Old Piotr, Old Pyro and Old Rogue said in unison.
"Never mind," Piotr sighed rubbing his temples. "All this talk about time travel is giving me a headache."
"All this actual time travel has been giving me headaches for days," Mastermind groaned. "Or in relativistic terms, eons!"
"C'mon, let's finally get back to our own time," Sabertooth growled indicating the machine. "Then you can get all new headaches."
"Oh joy," Mastermind groaned slipping on the machine.
"Odette! Come say goodbye to your young grandfathers!" Old Rogue called. "And give them their dodo back!"
"Aw. Ya know, she doesn't have to," Pyro said reluctantly. "I mean, I'd love to have a little dodo of my own, but if it makes the sheila happy…"
"No worries, mate. I have Pippi's third generation clone back at our place," Old Pyro grinned. "And the next generation is on the way!"
"The one regret I have about marrying you," Old Rogue rolled her eyes.
"Just one?!" Remy yelped.
"G'bye, young Grandpa P and Grandpa G," Odette and Pippi ran up to the group. Pyro bent down to let the young dodo hop into his arms. "Nice to meet you, your friends and the incredible Victor Creed."
"Hmmm, the incredible Victor Creed," Sabertooth rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "I like the sound of that."
"Nice meeting you too, sheila!" Pyro and Pippi waved back. "Who knows? Maybe we'll all run into each other again someday."
"Not if I have anything to do about it!" Remy twitched.
"You know, getting a glimpse of a possible future really helps put one's life in perspective," Mastermind mused thoughtfully. "I don't want to end up spending the rest of my sad, miserable, insanity-filled existence alone. I should try giving some new direction to my life. Maybe even go on a date…"
"I hope we do not end up visiting any other dates of our potential futures," Piotr said as Mastermind prepared to active the machine for possibly the last time. "Once is more than enough!"
Historical note: The events depicted in the episodes of X-Men: Evolution are presumed to have taken place during roughly the same time as the series' run (2000 A.D. to 2003 A.D.), though they may have also occurred during the "not so distant future" including the 2020's A.D.