Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers. Just the plot and OCs.
Hey guys! Anybody still out here?
Gah, I am so sorry for disappearing on all of you for so long. 2020 was quite a year, as I'm sure you all know. Just know I'm sorry for going quiet on you guys. I'm fine and I hope you all are too. I would also like to thank all of you who have left reviews and sent messages over the last year. You have no idea how much it means to me that you guys are still interested in this story.
I have not had internet at home for over a year now, still don't really, but I'm trying to make it work. I appreciate you guys bearing with me. I still working on getting the whole internet thing fixed but in the mean time I'm making do with my phone. Anyway, if you guys are still sticking around I hope you will enjoy this chapter and everything else I've got planned. I promise, I am going to finish this story and the ones that come after it. I hope you all stick around for the ride.
Chapter 99
Lights in the Dark
He knew.
This whole time . . . he knew.
Somehow, Jynx figured she shouldn't be surprised by that. Two orns later and well . . . she was somehow still surprised by that.
Why?
She didn't have the faintest idea, don't ask her. Rationally speaking, it all made a horrible kind of sense. No matter if she didn't really want to think about it or not. It still made sense.
It hurt her spark, not to mention made her want to yank her sensors until she could feel nothing but that, but that didn't mean it didn't make sense.
She understood all too well why Rashact would have loved telling Gambit just where he came from. Just what he could have been.
What she didn't get . . . is how come she'd never heard it?
How come the big mech would even come here in the first place if he had already known that?
Did he really need her that bad? Did he really need her hacking skills so bad he was willing to walk into his sire's house to get her?
And if he did, if that was true, why the pit hadn't he just snatched her a left?
Showing up in the middle of that scraplet fight didn't have to have gone that way. He could have just as easily snatched her up out of the building and flown away. Nothing she could have done at the time could have stopped him.
He could have snatched her and left New Iacon to crumble. His sire along with it.
Granted, if he had, she'd have ripped quite a bit of him apart. But she wouldn't have won. They both knew very well she wouldn't have won.
She also couldn't have gotten away from him once they had left.
So why?
Why did he do it?
Why did he stay?
What was she missing?
All the other pieces she had worked out. The Master was Rashact. The kill switch in her helm was a very real threat again. She had no idea what the pit she was going to do about either of those concepts now, but she did know them.
Gambit though?
Him, she couldn't work out.
He'd simply turned and walked away. Two orns now and not a peep. He refused to come out of that room, wouldn't even open the door for her now, but he did not leave.
He didn't fight.
Jynx didn't understand.
Gambit had always fought.
Always.
What . . . what chance did they really have now, if Gambit didn't fight?
Hunched up at the end of one of Ratchet's work benches tossing bolts in a bin with a scowl twisting her lips wasn't answering that question. She knew that.
She had no other idea what the frag she was supposed to do though.
Optics narrow behind her visor she tossed another bolt with a bit more force then probably necessary. It bounced off the edge of the bin and went ricocheting to the left nailing Ratchet in the back of the hand.
Jynx's hand snapped down to the table top, her back going straight, as bright blue optics slowly slid to the side to pin her in place. A nervous laugh bubbled out of her with a quickly flashed smile.
Sideswipe snorted in delight.
Optics darting to him in a glare all she got from the big red mech was a lazy grin. He sat on the medical berth just on the other side of the table. Leaning back on his hands, facing away from her just as his brother was. The both of them having glanced back at her when she laughed. Twisting their necks just enough to catch a glimpse of her without moving their bodies.
Jynx's helm snapped back down to the table before her. Optics squeezing shut as she took a deep breath against the sudden quick kick in her chest.
Damn stupid thing. She had no idea what the frag it was so worked up about. It wasn't like she could even see anything from back here.
Which was on slaggin' purpose, thanks very much!
The soft blue glow coming off their open chest plates was still hard to miss. That didn't mean she had the faintest idea what the frag her spark was so worked up about it though.
She missed the glance the brothers shared between them. As she did the small smile and shake of her helm Arcee gave from where she stood in front of the brothers. Optics returning to the monitor in her hand, the pale pink femme went back to the passing the probe back and forth over the twins' chests.
Ratchet—having finished tinkering with the core reader—turned from the table Jynx had plopped herself down at. Passing in front of her to make his way back to the other side of the berth where his sons sat. He paused there in front of her, optic ridge lifted in both amusement and frustration when all she did was dart a look at him. Those silver orbs making just the faintest of contact under the rim of her visor before darting back down to the mess she was making of his loose bolt bin.
Really, he could think of quite a few things he'd rather have her doing right now besides nervously waiting for the twins' spark test to be over. But well, beggars can't be choosers and all that slag.
He was lucky she was even sitting this still. He knew that.
The last two orns hadn't exactly been what he would call easy for any of them. The chief medic still hadn't heard if Megatron was back yet. Let alone if Soundwave had even been able to locate him.
Big sparkling throwing a fit that he was. Not that the medic could blame him. No . . . none of them could really. He'd turned away from that meeting much like his son had done, took to the sky, and hadn't been back since.
Optimus and Rodimus were starting to get twitchy.
To put it lightly.
If Prowl, Bluestreak, Jazz, Soundwave, and Smokescreen hadn't looked themselves up in the lean silver mech's office with Wheeljack and Preceptor there might be a bit more fuss going on about that. The truth was though, they had bigger things to worry about. Chromia, Ironhide, and Magnus had gone right to shock training the troops.
There was a fight coming.
They all knew that.
The only real question remained, would they be ready when it did?
They city was still in a real panic. A few orns and a place to hide the young ones wasn't enough to change that. As much of the population they could get was tucked safely inside what the left of the walls, but the truth of the matter was this. They simply didn't have the room for that many bots. And now, they didn't have the time to devote to fixing much. Elita had taken the Constructicons to help with making things as safe as possible, but the truth was they had bigger things to worry about.
Like what the frag was coming next.
The problem was, they didn't know.
Shaking his helm slightly back and forth Ratchet reached out to lightly squeeze Jynx's shoulder. It spoke wonders that the femme didn't spook. Instead, she lifted her gaze to him again. A slightly forced smirk tugged her lips, but for now he would take it.
The simple fact that she sat here for this made him far calmer than the read outs for his sons' spark did. He knew this was making her uncomfortable, but she hadn't wanted to leave them when they offered to take her down to Nook and the mechlings first. She didn't want to see per say, and well he didn't blame her. That was far more intimacy then she was likely ready for yet.
But she was here.
Wasn't that something?
"I can think of a few things I need broken down if you would rather have something productive to do with your hands, femmeling." He offered softly.
That forced smirk cranked up just a tiny bit, but she shook her helm all the same. Silver optics darting back down to the pile of bolts before her.
"I would do more damage then I would good for you right now, Ratchet." She replied, toying with one of the larger grade parts.
The yellow and red medic hummed, but frankly, he reasoned she was right about that. "If you want to go down below, I will call TC."
"TC is running a patrol with Cyclonus and Whirl." Arcee corrected from the other side of their sons.
Ratchet turned to her with a lifted optic ridge. "Oh really?"
Sideswipe snorted, shifting in his lean on the cold silver surface. "Yeah, Silverbolt said the fliers could use all the help they could get."
"They broadcasted it two bream ago." Sunstreaker huffed. "Did you miss that, Hatchet?"
Bright blue optics narrowed as the CMO stepped back around the table to regard the pair of brothers. The pair of brothers that sat before him vulnerable and exposed with their chest plates slid wide open and their swirling blue sparks on display. The teasing look on Sides' face was not so different from the hard slant of Sunstreaker's frown when one knew them well enough to know why.
A lifetime it had taken for the trust that sat before him now.
A lifetime and a whole pit of a lot of trial and error, but the trust did belong to him and Arcee now. Ratchet was not foolish enough to doubt that. The proof was staring him hard in the face. The proof was bared sparks of warriors raised to be wary. That didn't mean they were comfortable though.
Oh no.
Neither of them were comfortable. They never were when it came to their split spark being messed with. Even if it was Ratchet and Arcee.
Especially, when it was Ratchet and Arcee.
Considering they were the only ones that this was even entertained with.
Ratchet swallowed the snap in response to their picking, and instead lifted the core scanner back over Sunstreaker's chest.
The golden mech grunted, optics narrowing and lips pursing at the small static shock that zipped between the device and the pulsing ball of life in his chest. The curious tendrils of light that had previously been peaking out into the open air on the other side of his chest plates yanked back down into the protection of their casing. Jerking back down into the safety of the spark chamber in an effort to escape the electric prodding done by the scanner.
It wouldn't do them any good, both the medic and Sunstreaker knew that all too well, but that didn't mean the golden mech didn't want to roll away.
It didn't hurt per say. Not really, but the foreign presence of the scanner as well as its electric current was not something that spark was the least bit interested in. However, medical tests weren't exactly supposed to be fun, now were they?
Ratchet still did not enjoy the pinched look of discomfort that took up residence on Sunny's face. Turning his attention to the scanner before him, he worked quickly along side Arcee to get what readings they needed as quickly as possible. If not just for the brothers' benefit but also that of the hunched up little femme at the counter behind them.
Sideswipe's left fist curled tight around the edge of the table as Arcee leaned forward, the probe in her hand pressing into the casing of his spark chamber. The feeling of wrong, wrong, wrong, rapidly shifting through his chest to his processor and down along the bond to Sunstreaker. The red mech squeezed his optics shut, swallowed the growl in his throat, and focused instead on the steady click of Jynx's claws sorting parts behind them.
Sunstreaker reached back across the bond with his own discomfort. Oddly enough, it made them both feel better even if it did little good.
They knew the medics were being as quick as possible.
They knew Ratchet and Arcee were in no way trying to hurt them.
However, they also knew their spark had no interest what so ever in having anything but a small white femme anywhere near it. It did not care that the reading of their fracture lines needed to be taken down. It did not care that their adoptive creators needed to make sure they weren't going to keel over dead any time soon due to spark withdrawal. That or, go slightly nuts.
Their spark did not care though.
The curious trails of light snapping out from both their chest like tiny vines of light had not been looking for the medics before them. They had been looking for the spark deliberately placed behind them out of sight.
No matter how much either brother told the split thing to shut the pit up with its searching and pulling, it didn't care.
On the upside, Sideswipe supposed though, it didn't hurt.
Well, besides the small ache that had taken up residence currently at the medical digging.
The sudden grunt that chocked out of his chest made him jerk, yanking his attention back to the hear and now, optics snapping back open to see Arcee pulling her hand back from the inside of his chest.
Pale blue optics jerked up to his darker ones in confusion at the flair of pain in his field. Swallowing against the feel of Sunstreaker darting his attention down the bond, the red brother shifted a little on the table, forcing his fingers to unclench while darting a look down at his chest. Arcee straightened up before him while Ratchet lowered his scanner away from Sunny. Attention turning toward the younger twin as Sideswipe fought off protocols that demanded he close his chest.
Arcee's pale optics darted back to the scanner in her hand. Rapidly flicking through the read out before meeting his gaze once more.
"Did that hurt?" She questioned him softly, confusion evident in her tone.
Sides . . . didn't really know.
He stared down at his own open chest, the bright blue glow cast from it all he could see from his angle of his own life force. A turn to the side and he could see Sunny's, but that wouldn't help much at this point. Instead, optic ridges scrunched together, he slowly shook his helm back and forth.
"Not really." He answered, daring not to look back at the femme that had gone quiet at the table behind him. "It just . . . well its really not liking any of this."
"Your spark has never liked anyone anywhere near it, Sides." Ratchet shot back. "Neither of you ever show pain about it though."
Sunstreaker grumbled low in his throat. "Neither of us have ever been in this situation before either."
Behind them, Jynx sank down on her seat.
Sunstreaker went on with a twitch of his helm fin back at her. "And that has nothing to do with anything being your fault, Jynx."
The bright white femme snorted, hunkering down there over her distraction. "Don't lie to me, Sunny. You know I don't like it."
"Not lying." Sides cut in quickly, resisting the urge his spark slammed at him to turn around.
Behind them, Jynx plastered her sensors down, and bared her fangs. "I'm not an idiot, Sides."
"Don't think you are." Sides said right back. "We just don't want you upset about this."
"We wanted you to go down with Nook so you wouldn't have to hear all this." Sunstreaker added on.
Jynx huffed, silver optics staring down at the mess of parts before her. "Yeah, I know. You didn't want me to know if you were hurting. Which is why I'm here. I wanted to know what was really going on."
A soft vent sucked in, and Jynx fixed her gaze on the far wall.
"I don't want anything to be wrong with either of you."
"Nothing is." Sunstreaker told her firmly.
"Our spark is just a spoiled brat." Sides kicked on with a smirk curved just enough over his shoulder that he could make out her shape in the hopes she'd take it seriously.
Jynx darted her gaze up to the pair of them once more before letting it sink back down to the table in front of her. The truth was, all of this did make her wildly uncomfortable. And confused.
She didn't want to admit to either one of those things, but well, there it was.
As if there wasn't enough in her processor right now about Gambit and what came next, she was not foolish enough to not being paying attention to the mechs she . . . well . . . was kind of . . . pretty sure she was in love with.
That were in love with her.
That kissed her.
Her spark kicked hard in her chest when she caught the bright blue glow of their open chests on out of the corner of her pointedly turned away visor. It wanted her to get up. It wanted her to go look. It wanted her to crack open her chest plates and solve this whole problem right now.
She was not a fool.
She knew that the medics were monitoring the twins very closely to make sure their spark wasn't about to do something stupid. Like die.
But, well, the pair of them promised her. They promised her they were fine. That they were going to be fine, and that there was nothing she needed to do to fix them.
She wanted to believe them.
Partly because she was scared, and partly because she didn't know what else to do.
That didn't mean she didn't refuse to not be around to hear what the medics had to say about this checkup though.
She desperately needed them to be okay.
She had no idea what she was going to do if they weren't.
Ratchet cleared his throat, drawing all their attention back to him.
"You want her to hear this right?" He caught his sons' optics and held them. Watched with knowing optics as they darted a look at each other, swallowed the uncertainty, and turned back with a firm nod.
"Yeah." Sides nodded.
"We promised." Sunstreaker finished.
Well, Ratchet couldn't say he wasn't proud of them. Stubborn fools that they were.
Glancing back down at the read out between his and Arcee's tests the yellow and red medic shrugged. "Between the last reading and these, there isn't really all that much change. Nothing dangerous at least. Your spark is extremely stressed, there is no getting around that. You do have fracture lines between you, but they aren't getting any worse."
"They're not shrinking, per say, either." Arcee added in, fiddling with her probe. "But well, I've never seen quite what they are doing before."
Sides offered a smirk. "Hasn't that always been the case for us?"
The femme medic gave him a look, rolled her optics, and swatted him on the knee. "True as that might be, Sides, the truth is, neither of us have ever dealt with something like this before. There are no records of it in our recorded history." With a heavy sight she shook her helm. "So much about twins was lost with the last Golden Age."
"Yeah," Sides cut in, sitting forward on the table and closing his chest. "But you two have been putting us back together forever now. If there is anybot that knows what our sparks are like, it's you two."
"Might as well have made them." Sunstreaker grumbled, snapping his chest plates closed as well. Rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck in an effort to work some of the tension out of his frame.
The pair of medics looked fondly between them, but Ratchet shook his helm all the same.
"True as that may be, that doesn't mean we have a slaggin' clue what to tell you, mechs. And it's stressing me out."
"Look Ratchet," Sides tilted his helm until the mech met his gaze. "Same thing we told Jynx. We feel better now. Way better then we were a few cycles ago. The courting is helping. Being close to her is helping. Nothing is getting worse. That's all that matters. The rest of it we can manage."
Dark blue optics regarded each other for a long klick before Ratchet sighed with a shake of his helm. "I know, I know. I believe you both. If there is anybot that knows their spark, it is you two, but that doesn't mean you can stop us from being careful with you two."
A movement behind Sides' shoulder and Ratchet huffed.
"And no, femmeling, that was in no way a pick at you."
Both brothers turned. Finally regarding Jynx fully for the first time since they came down here this morning. It made neither of them feel better to see her hunkered down there at the table glaring at bolts, but they didn't know how to comfort her in this.
Sensors fluttering in their grooves Jynx let out a deep vent. Darting a look up to the mirror pair of dark blue optics staring back at her, she pushed herself up from her chair. Ped claws clicking against the floor, she slowly made her way over to the other side of the work space. She ended up leaning against Sunstreaker's knee, neither brother moving to do anything about it, besides watching her as she darted a glance up at the mated medics.
"What about Solarflare?"
Both medics shifted ever so slightly, attention narrowing down to her.
"What about him?" Ratchet asked.
"He seems to know a lot about twins." She shrugged. "Maybe he would know something more about what is really going on between their sparks and what is with mine."
"What's going on is we love you." Sides offered with a cheeky smile if for no other reason then to see the blush rush up her cheeks when she darted a look at him before rolling her optics and turning back to Ratchet.
"I'm being serious, Sides." She scolded.
"So am I." The crimson mech leaned to the side just enough to bump shoulders with his brother so that the movement would knock her slightly.
"We're fine, Jynx." Sunstreaker tacked on, dark blue optics set on her while she shifted her weight to lean more firmly against his knee. The simple fact that she wanted to lean up against him, for comfort or whatever else was a statement in and of itself, but that didn't mean the golden twin was going to let it convince either of them that she wasn't uncomfortable. They knew she was.
She was scared, and she was confused, but she still didn't want to leave them.
Both brothers were working very hard not to preen too much about that. She didn't need their spark rolling around happy in their chest because she wanted to stay with them. She needed them to convince her they were fine and there was nothing she needed to do for them.
She flicked her sensors up and down with a short look between them, before darting her gaze back to the medics.
"Do you think he might be able to help you with their spark? Even if they are fine."
The twins snorted, Sides rolling his optics, and Sunstreaker lifting an optic ridge.
Jynx ignored them both.
Arcee cast them an amused look then shrugged her shoulders. "It is likely he knows things we do not."
Something hung in the air after that statement. Something that made Jynx tilt her helm and the twins look a bit harder at their creators.
"But?" Sides pressed.
Ratchet turned away, laying his scanner and Arcee's probe to the side on one of the pull-out carts behind them. A sigh working through his vents with a tired rattle as he fidgeted with the equipment. "But Solarflare learned all he knows from a very different kind of mech."
Jynx's sensors sank in their grooves, optics narrowing, as the regarded the mech's back. "You have no problem letting him work on Dreadwing and Skyquake."
Ratchet huffed a shallow laugh, turning back to her with a tired look in his optics and a weight on his shoulder she hadn't realized was there before. "Jynx, we have absolutely no control over what goes on with those mechlings. They are Nook's, and Solarflare has looked after them their whole lives. What we do or do not think when it comes to them is of very little consequence."
Well, yes, she did suppose she knew that. Nook cared very little if these two wanted something or not when it came to his mechlings. He'd known Sol nearly his whole life, he trusted him. With himself and his sons, but what did that have to do with what the medics thought of his option on twins?
"Okay, fine, I get that." She went on. "But doesn't that just prove the point. He knows a lot about twins. He learned different things then you two. What would it hurt to just ask him?"
Silence answered her. The pair of mated medics sharing a look between them, then glancing back at her. Something hoovering there in the air between them that Jynx had no idea what to make of.
What was she missing here?
Why were they suddenly being so strange?
She hadn't thought they had any issue with Solarflare. He'd been here for orns now. He was the reason Rodimus was even still alive. The baby prime had him around all the time now. Optimus didn't seem to have any problem with him. Jynx liked him too. He was argumentative and angry at this place, but he cared a great deal for the mechlings and Rodimus.
What could they possibly be upset with him about?
"This is about Pharma." It was Sunstreaker that spoke up after the lot of them simply stood there looking at each other.
The suddenness of his voice making Jynx jerk a glace up at him before turning a confused glance back to the mates.
Arcee sighed, leaning back against the cart behind her. Lowering her optics with a shake of her helm as Ratchet stiffened. Strong arms crossing over his chest, he looked away from them. Staring out across his empty medical bay around them as if there were answers there that Jynx couldn't hope to understand.
Sideswipe grumbled into their silence. "You're upset that a mech Pharma taught is in your city."
Huh?
Arcee snap her attention to him. "No, Sides, that isn't it."
"Then what is it?" Sides pressed. "Look, we're not overjoyed the mech is here. He's angry and frustrating, but he calms Nook down, he cares about those mechlings, and for Rodimus as well. I mean, come on 'Cee, Roddy is alive because of him. Because he worked for Pharma. And from what I heard, the mech didn't have much choice in the matter anyway. What's the issue here?"
"Do you want him anywhere near your sparks?" Ratchet snapped, whipping around to stare hard at the pair of them once more. Jynx shifted uneasily at the sudden tension in his frame and the anger in his optics. The twins stiffened up.
"No." Sunstreaker snapped right back. "We won't let anybot besides you two work on it."
"Exactly!" Ratchet threw a hand out to the side as if it proved his point.
"Yes," Sides narrowed his optics at him. "Exactly, so why can't you just talk to him and then you do something if you learn something?"
"You two are the ones insisting so damn much that you are fine!"
"And you two are the ones that won't stop scanning us every five klicks!" Sides shouted right back at him. "What the frag is this about Ratchet? Either you think something is wrong with us—and as usual you two do whatever it takes to fix it—or you don't! Pick one."
"It's not about picking one." Sunstreaker grumbled with a lift of his chin. "It's about Pharma."
Exasperated, Jynx pushed off his knee in order to get a good look at all four of them. She hadn't meant to start an argument. She wasn't even sure why they were having one. Pit, what the frag was so wrong with where Solarflare learned what he did? She had stood there in that office, she had heard the story. About a mad mech employed by the old Prime. A mech that was almost as twisted as Rashact it seemed.
Oh.
Well, yeah, she could see where Ratchet and Arcee might have a problem with that.
But Sides was right. Solarflare had said he'd had not choice in the matter. That he'd been just as trapped under Pharma as she had been under Rashact's control. They were judging the younger medic because he'd had no choice?
No.
No that didn't sound like Arcee at all. Ratchet, well he got mad and blustered and yelled, but it didn't really sound like him either. Especially not about a mech they allowed to use their bay to treat other bots.
It wasn't like they had cut Solarflare off after the meeting two orns ago. He was still technically employed by . . . the Prime.
Oh.
Yeah.
Technically it was Optimus that allowed Solarflare to work on bots here. Not Ratchet and Arcee. Did . . . did they not want him to anymore?
"Of course, it's about Pharma." Arcee breathed out, pale blue optics dim. Darting a look between them Jynx had no idea what meant before she went on. "The mech was insane. He was . . . monstrous. That doesn't make Solarflare wrong though. We do not have a problem with what he knows or how he learned it, mechs. Ratchet has more of a problem with the reminder of something else we missed that lead to all this mess in the first place."
Jynx blinked, then, suddenly she understood.
"Oh." She whispered. "You're not upset about what he knows, you're just upset about why he learned it."
"Yes." Ratchet growled out, turning away to sort uselessly at the tools on the cart to his side. "That and what I don't know. Pharma was . . . well you know a lot about a medical mind twisted into the enjoyment of hurting others to learn something new. To make it work for you."
Sensors lowering in her grooves, Jynx sank back against Sunstreaker's leg. Soaking up the strength in his field where it flickered out of her and the hesitantly forming link between them reaching out with reassurance and safety. She appreciated it. Pulsing back at him softly, while she met Arcee's optics.
"Yeah," She muttered. "Yeah, I get that. But Sol isn't like that. Nook would have never let him be around the mechlings if he was."
"We know." Ratchet turned back to her. "We don't think he is, Jynx. It's more of just . . . how he learned it. It makes me angry. It's just another way I failed."
Sideswipe leaned back on his palms crossing his legs with a tilt of his helm. "What Sentinel Prime allowed happen on Cybertron was not your fault Ratchet. You can't spend the rest of your life thinking Pharma was your fault."
The yellow and red mech met the crimson colored one's optics for a long breath before he turned away again. "I know, Sides. But that doesn't make it any easier. Nor does it mean I want to sit Solarflare down and ask him to tell me all he learned about sparks by watching a mad mech take them apart."
Jynx shuddered a little. Sunstreaker reached out to brush his fingers lightly up and down her back.
"Who knows," The red twin muttered, optics glancing over at the little white femme leaning back into his brother's touch. "That might come in handy one orn."
He hoped not, but well, at the rate they were going. Who knew?
"Remind me again why I like you when you volunteer me for slag I don't want to do?"
Bumblebee chuckled, not even bothering to look back at the hulking blue flier sulking behind him. He simply kept fiddling with the controls of the fabric cutter before him. Flicking a doorwing back at the much bigger form of the mech courting him.
"It must have something to do with my winning personality, right?" He snarked over his shoulder, not taking his gaze off the measurements on the read out in front of him. This was by no means a high-tech machine, but considering a good portion of their home got bombed, lit on fire, and ate by scraplets not that long ago, Bee wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Just as he wasn't going to let this go.
He'd put his ped down quite firmly in Optimus' office a few orns ago about this. He'd gotten his way—as he often did, yes, he knew he was spoiled, thanks Sky—but it had come at a cost. There were simply too many other more pressing things that needed tending by most of the population. Printing lanterns for the Spark Light had kind of been pushed to the wayside.
Bumblebee wasn't standing for it.
So, a fit had happened, a Prime had caved to a spoiled youngling, and Bee found himself with the nearly immeasurable task of trying to figure out how he was going to print enough fabric lanterns for a whole city.
Well, step one had been roping Skyfall into it. That went off without a hitch. Seriously, mech could complain all he wanted, but they both knew all Bee had to do was bat his optics and maybe give a few coy glances over his shoulder and Sky would cave like a ton of bricks.
Spoiled indeed.
"Oh yeah." Skyfall went on, the big blue mech leaning against a dusty table in this primus forsaken basement, pretending to be busy preening his wings. "Has nothing to do with how good your aft looks."
Bumblebee busted out laughing, spark warm and light in his chest, finally throwing a look back to the much bigger mech just as a less then please voice rumbled from the doorway.
"I'm going to pretend very hard that I didn't hear that."
Ah, and there was step two.
Skyfall had the good sense to look at least a bit panicked while Bee spun to face the trio that had finally made their way down from the medical bay. He grinned at the pained look on Sideswipe's faceplate as well as the narrowed optic glare Sunstreaker burned at Sky. That and the amused smirk that had taken up residence on Jynx's faceplate.
It was nice to see. After these last few orns of her trailing after the twins while they helped with troops and they all tried to pretend they didn't know about the problem sulking in his room. She could at least still be perked up by the twins being protective and Bee scheming.
"Probably for the best." Bumblebee shot back at the red twin, grin growing bigger as the three made their way further into the room.
Skyfall had the sense to keep his mouth shut, even if he was prickling at not hearing them coming. Bee let the big mech go back to picking at his feathers in favor of bouncing over to Jynx. Grinning bright at the sparkle he found in her curious optics he reached out to offer a hand. She snatched it up with little pause to allow him to drag her back over to the cutting machine humming away in the background.
"Thanks for coming." He told her warmly, sharing the look with Sides and Sunny when they followed along to end up on both sides of them.
"Eh," Sides shrugged, optics glancing up and down the machine. "It was this or go train troops."
"If I have to teach one more idiot how to build a damn gun with their own frames, I'm going to start stabbing them." Sunstreaker finished.
Skyfall snorted.
Bumblebee made a pained grimace. "Yeah . . . it is getting pretty bad."
"Are they that helpless?" Skyfall questioned.
Sideswipe sighed. Sunstreaker crossed his arms over his chest.
"Any bots with even a margin of combat experience or coding have already enlisted and started training. The bunch we're working with more are those that never had a clue in the first place. NAILS and the such." Sideswipe explained. "They've never been in a real fight. They've no idea how to make their frames into a weapon. I don't blame them for it, the war was supposed to be over, and they avoided the first one to start with. But there is nothing else left now. We need all the help we can get at this point."
"And this time they know there is no where else to run." Sunstreaker finished.
Skyfall shifted in his lean against the dusty table. Bright fire optics calculating for a moment, before they darted to Bumblebee.
The small yellow and black mech did not need the verbal question to know what that look in the larger blue mech's optics meant. He knew the question for what it was.
He very slightly shook his helm back and forth.
No.
No, they weren't there yet. Bumblebee wasn't sure if they ever would be. He prayed they wouldn't. But . . . well, it was selfish and he knew it, but he was of the very firm belief, reaching out to Sky's carrier let alone the other worlds the big blue mech knew very well held Cybertronians was not an option.
Asking for their help . . . well . . . they would have already lost.
He had explained as much to Optimus when he was quietly questioned about what help where Skyfall came from might be. Bumblebee had very firmly explained, they had tried to ask for help once, and everybot could see that nothing had come of it.
Asking again . . . .
Bee didn't really want to be fighting a war with the Underground while dealing with an invasion as well.
Turns out neither did Optimus.
Skyfall accepted the glance and instead turned his focus back to the task before them. "Still, seems like you two—pit even me—would be a bit better use out there with Ironhide and Chromia then down here printing . . . lanterns."
Bumblebee shot him a glare. "Do not mock the lanterns."
"I'm not mocking them." Red optics rolled. "I'm just saying, don't we have bigger things to worry about right now, then if some end of the Season display didn't happen?"
"It's important." Bee replied, doorwings high behind his back as he lifted his chin. "It's a memorial. We've done it every vorn since we came back. Especially after the city getting attacked and bots dying. Its more important now than ever."
Beside him, Jynx tilted her helm. A quick look at the little fabric boxes getting spit out down the assembly line at the end of the room, and she looked back to Bumblebee.
"Umm, what?"
Bumblebee turned back to her with a megawatt grin. "It's what I need your help with. Have you heard of the Spark Lights yet?"
Jynx blinked wide silver optics back at him.
"I think you can take that as a no." Skyfall put in helpfully.
Bee shot him a quick glare. Jynx leaned around the mechs to shot him a lifted optic ridge.
"What?" The big blue flier shrugged. "I didn't know what it was either."
Rolling his optics, Bumblebee shook his helm. Turning his optics back to Jynx he snatched up a finished lantern. The soft blue fabric was oh so very fragile in his hands. Malleable and light, it was nearly transparent blue fabric set into a four-panel rectangle box with an puffy top and a little metal basket in the bottom.
Helm tilting to the side, Jynx regarded the small soft box.
For the life of her she had no idea what it was. Aside from the fact that it looked very breakable and could serve no purpose she could see, she cast her optics back up to Bumblebee with a shrug.
"No."
"I didn't figure you did." He admitted with a slight drop to his doorwings. He looked a bit upset about the concept but the little white femme didn't know why. "Well, anyway, it's something we started the first vorn we came back to Cybertron. These are floating lanterns. I got the idea from the humans. They have tons of cultural and recreational uses for them, but the basic idea is, you put a candle inside and the hot air fills up the top. It makes the lantern float and then you push it up into the sky and let it float away."
Sensors fluttering in their grooves, Jynx asked. "What for? What do you do with it?"
"Well, the humans do it for lots of reasons. We started when I pitched the idea when we came back. That if we made them out of blue fabric and put soft light candles in them—" Reaching around behind him Bee grabbed one of the candles he'd already got his hands on. Striking it lit so that a small bright flame took up residence on top of it, he carefully slipped it into the lantern. Letting the box sit in his spread palms as it slowly lit up in a soft blue light. "Well, they kind of look like sparks, don't they?"
Jynx stared, utterly dumbfounded at the soft blue glow that had become the little blue box. It floated ever so slightly now, as hot air built inside of it, Bee's fingers curling around the edges of the metal basket to keep it in place. Jynx leaned forward in amazement to take it in.
Because it did.
It really did look like a spark.
Well, okay, it looked close to that of a spark.
It was boxy where a spark was round, and obviously a fabric box where a spark was a ball of light. But in the same way the blue stones at the edge of the Mercury Sea had become a myth of being sparks, she could see bots letting these lanterns take up the meaning as well.
Helm tilting this way and that, she stared at the little lantern, the soft blue glow lighting up her face.
"They do." She agreed softly, leaning back to catch Bee's gaze again. "But what's the point?"
"Well," Bee went on, with a flutter of his antennas. "I wanted to come up with some kind of memorial, for the sparks that were lost in the war."
Jynx straightened, sensors lowering slightly as the young mech went on.
"But I didn't want to make something out of metal or glass. It seemed . . . wrong somehow. I don't know. I just didn't want to. So, when I remembered the lanterns the humans used, I figured, hey why not. Here is something that looks kind of like a spark that will float. I pitched the idea to Optimus and the others and then to the population as a whole. A lantern that you can light in memory of a spark that you lost, or of the ones that were lost that no one is left to remember. For . . . all of them. And then, you push it up and it flies away. Its . . . letting them go in a way . . . I guess. Letting them be free of this planet and the war that ended them. Its not some hard, cold statue that will stand there in the face of everything. Its simple, I suppose, and its brief. But it . . . feels right."
Jynx stared at him.
Spark hammering hard in her chest with a mixed feeling she wasn't even sure how she was supposed to name. It felt—it hurt, burned with an ache she hadn't felt since she came home to find Arsine swinging lifeless from the rafters. At the same time though, it didn't. It was warm, it was . . . happy. It wanted to do that.
Swallowing hard against the tightness in her chest, Jynx met Bumblebee's gaze. "That's . . . actually kind of beautiful, Bee."
The little yellow mech ducked his helm, a pleased but pained smile on his own lips as he nodded once at her.
"It, well, seems to make bots feel better."
Yes. She imagined it did.
"Can . . . can I make one?" She was hesitant to ask, hesitant to look to hard at the reason why she wanted to.
But—pit she wanted one.
She wanted one so badly she thought she might choke without it.
She wanted one for Arsine. For the ghost of an angry sneer that lived in the back of her spark. For the brother—the twin—she had lost. That she hadn't been able to be enough for.
She wanted one for him.
She wanted to watch it float.
She wanted . . . pit, to maybe give her peace. To maybe give him peace.
It was foolish.
Her processor sneered at her with a glare that felt too much like his. It was foolish and pretend, but Primus damn it, she wanted to.
"Yeah," Bee nodded with a curling smile. "That's actually why I asked for your help." Turning he motioned back to the working machine behind him. "Normally we hire it out every orn, to one of the fabric companies around the city. But well—"
"Pit happened." Sky offered.
Bee shrugged. "Yeah, pit happened. The very orn before we were supposed to have it, actually."
Jynx tilted her helm. "It happens at the end of the Season?"
He gave another firm nod. "Yeah, at the end of the Festival every orn. The orn after, that night, we light the lanterns and bring in the new vorn of life by saying good bye to the those that we lost. Only this vorn, all this happened and we've been a little busy. That, and the lanterns that were made got destroyed by the bombs. This wasn't really all that high on Optimus' list of things he needed to get done first, as you can understand, but I felt like it was important. I felt like it would . . . oh I don't know help everybot. We lost some in the attack, and those bots that knew them are grieving. Bots lost their homes and their security. I thought, if there was ever a time in which we needed for sure to do this, it was now."
His doorwings fluttered behind his back, and his chin lifted while he talked. The little mech believed what he said. As he so often did. He believed it with everything that he was. With his whole spark.
It was what some many loved about him.
Jynx had come to learn that very well.
It was, well, it was one of the reasons she liked him so much.
Standing there watching him nearly glow with the feeling he put into his words. With how much he wanted to help.
She could do nothing but agree with him. "Yeah, I can see that."
"Optimus did to." The younger mech went on. "But he said we didn't have time to distract others with making more of them. So, I said I would do it. I told him I would get it done if he would let us hold the Lighting for the city. He agreed, and well, here we are. I've got it started, but I could use some help."
Those bright, baby blue optics darted back and forth between her and the pair of brothers that watched him fondly. He grinned that megawatt smile between them and asked.
"Do you bots want to help?"
What else could they do, but agree with him?
Smiling, spark both aching and spinning in her chest, Jynx gave a hard nod. "Show me what to do."
And they went to work.
It took more than an orn.
There was only one fabric machine and only four of them so really that wasn't too out there. They made a game of it in a lot of ways. Jynx and Bumblebee fluttering about the space while Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, and Skyfall did as they were instructed. It was amusing on a lot of levels for Jynx to watch the twins feel out this mech that had captured their little brother's spark. This was the first time they had any spent any amount of time with the mech.
The first bluster of protective poking and prodding they did made Bumblebee grumble and snap at them while it just seemed to amuse Skyfall. Eventually though they seemed appeased by what they found in the gruff, tough, sarcastic flier that was Skyfall.
Jynx liked him.
He had snark, flare, and he didn't seem the slightest bit scared of a pair of protective brothers stabbing for soft spots.
In short, he very obviously loved Bumblebee, just as Bumblebee loved him. What else could the two brothers grumble over then that? So, they didn't. They moved on into learning more about the mech as a whole, and before long the three of them were bonding over shared exasperation for the femme and mech flitting around like fireflies playing with lanterns.
So, two orns later, and a whole lot of work Jynx and Bumblebee stood grinning before a very tired Optimus Prime as the sun started to sink down toward the horizon.
"Let me guess," He rumbled in a fond kind of tired sigh, royal blue optics glancing back and forth between them. "You got them done?"
"Two million and forty-two lanterns, ready for launch." Bumblebee nodded proudly.
At the prime's side Elita dropped her jaw ever so slightly. "Two million and forty-two?"
"Yep." Bee's antennas flicked happily back and forth atop his helm.
Jynx grinned.
Behind them, the twins and Skyfall shrugged.
"Why did you do two million and forty-two?" Optimus questioned.
"Well—" Skyfall cut the young yellow mech off.
"We made them stop."
The mated ruling pair of Cybertron glanced up at the tall blue mech.
Sideswipe chuckled as Sunstreaker shrugged. "They were getting a little too into it."
"They needed to be cut off." Skyfall finished.
Optimus lifted an optic ridge, Elita suppressed a laugh.
"Anyway," Bumblebee drawled; Jynx giggled beside him. "We finished enough for everybot to get to have some. Can you please make an announcement and let all those who want to come to the courtyard to start the Lighting?"
A fond light glowed in that royal blue gaze when it swept over Bumblebee, and much to Jynx's surprise rested on her. "Yes, I think we could all use the break."
"I'm sorry, we're going to do what now?" Nook's mismatched gaze glittered in the dim light of the lower level closet of a room he had secured for himself and his mechlings. There wasn't enough room for the twins to follow her in, not with Skywarp's hulking form squeezed into the corner with a lap full of mechlings.
Jynx stood in the doorway with the twins hoovering in the hall behind her. However, she didn't get a chance to answer before Skywarp perked up.
"Spark Lights." Distorted yellow optics flashed with merry excitement, the two little blue balls of squishy young plating halting their game of climb-all-over-him to hold on as he popped upright. "They do Spark Lights?"
Jynx nodded. "Yes, Warp. Everybot is going to do it tonight."
"Yay! Yay! Yay! Thought was not! But do! Yay!" The massive seeker hopped around the tiny room nearly knocking the berth along the wall over before Nook threw out a hand.
"Warp, please mech, there ain't enough space for that."
The hulking mass of purple and black seeker ground to a halt with two mechlings dangling around his neck laughing their little wings off. "Oh, right, sorry."
Rolling his optics with a fond, but tired kind of sigh, the green and gold mech looked back at Jynx. "Run that by me again?"
So, she did, and a handful of klicks later Nook brought himself and his mechling—well technically, Warp brought the mechlings as they were having fun hanging around his neck—up to the courtyard of the Compound for the first time in six orns.
In another life—or at least what felt like one now—Jynx would have found it all a little overwhelming. The entirety of New Iacon was hundred of thousands of bots. In an abstract way, she had known this. She had walked the streets when the city was still in one piece after all.
The sad truth of it all however, was that she didn't really have a true grasp on just how much life was here until it had all been squirreled away under compound. There truly were a staggering number of bots crammed into far too little a space now. It was in no way an ideal solution to their very real issue of a half way destroyed city around them, but well, it was all the ruling council could come up with.
It wasn't perfect.
Far from perfect really.
But in one way or another it was working for now.
Jynx had spent very little time down around the crowded basement halls over the last few orns. If for no other reason then to simply not add to problem of far too little space.
She had still been aware of the number of bots down there though.
For some reason though, walking out into the sprawling courtyard of the compound to find what seemed to be all of them was still simply staggering.
Nook paused half a step when they entered the courtyard. A flare of his doorwings and a tilt of his helm, before he went on. Jynx falling into step quickly beside him. Reaching down to lace their claws together in an effort to comfort both him and herself.
There was a reason the bright mech had not brought his younglings above ground since they went down there. His optics darted around the cool dark sky while they walked. Wary and watchful in a way Jynx had never seen him before. He had still hated this city before the attack—that was very true—but the little white femme was not foolish enough to think that opinion had done anything but gotten a whole pit of a lot worse.
Nook hated it here.
He hated what it reminded him of, and he hated the threat it now posed to those he held dear.
But he stayed.
Partly because of her; partly because there was no other option. She was not deluded enough to think otherwise. Which was why, she wanted him to enjoy this so very much.
Making their way across the crowded yard full of various colored and sized bots she tried not to notice too many of the stares. There were still quite a few questions floating around about the huge black mech that saved the city and her who had helped him.
Various shades of optics watched her, but between the twins flanking them, Bee leading them with Skyfall at his side, and Skywarp trailing along behind they were not questioned. Jynx was still not sure just what Elita had told the masses had happened the night Gambit lit the sky on fire, but whatever it was, it must have been enough.
For now, at least.
Shaking her head to rid the darker thoughts that picked at her worry, she instead focused on where they were going. The giant pile of softly glowing blue lanterns was rather hard to miss after all.
"Oh, pretty," Dreadwing muttered with awe in his tiny voice when they drew near. Skywarp's pleased purring growing even louder when he scurried forward toward the shinning lights.
"Come little seekerlings," He whispered to them as if he had a secret. "Me show you spark lights."
"Wanna see!" Skyquake squeaked happily when the huge mech carried them forward toward the closest pile of lanterns. Jynx did not really find herself surprised to find Ironhide, Chromia, Ratchet, Arcee, and Jazz there. Bumblebee darted to his creators' sides with Skyfall trailing behind him. The young flier dipping his helm in greeting as he joined them.
Ironhide squinted at him ever so slightly until Chromia smacked him on the arm and he offered a smile. Jynx hid a grin by turning her gaze to Nook only to find he was smirking as well when they reached where Skywarp had come to a stop in his bouncing.
Arcee smiled bright at the pair of tiny blue seekers staring at wide optics all around them, though it spoke in and of itself that she did not reach for them. Ratchet stood still as well. Simply offering a nod to his sons when Sides and Sunny stopped beside them.
Jynx squeezed Nook's fingers once more, before slipping away to where Jazz had planted himself just a few paces away from the others.
Bright blue optics flashed behind his visor when she came to a stop in front of him. That sharp silver faceplate breaking into a relieved looking grin when she fluttered her sensors and offered him a hesitant smile.
"Hey ya, Sweetspark." He offered quietly. The words almost lost of the cool night breeze and the general noise of so many bots gathered together.
"Hi, Jazz." Coming to a stop just short of his reach, she took him in. There hadn't been much said between them these last few orns. There had simply been too much happening. She'd stood between him and Gambit's temper, made her loyalties very clear, but there hadn't been much else. The little they had gotten to talk in that hall had paled under the wait of all the rest of it.
She was no longer angry at him, and he knew that. But neither truly knew just what to do next. Jazz's promise to earn her trust back was still strong in his spark—she knew that—but, well, keeping her and the rest of him family alive was obviously a little bit more important right now.
She couldn't fault him for that.
Especially when the mech looked as tired as he did.
Sensors fluttering atop her helm, she went on. "You look tired."
The silver mech snorted. Amusement curling the edges of his lips as he nodded. "Yeah, Sweetspark, I know."
She stepped just a pace closer. Paying no mind to the sound of Bumblebee happily explaining the purpose of all this to Nook and the mechlings behind her in greater detail. Instead, she let her gaze run across the tired lines around Jazz's partially hidden gaze. The way in which his nanites were dull and his armor scuffed. The silver mech was no where near as picky about his finish as Sunstreaker was, but she did know for fact Jazz took pride in how he looked.
He simply looked tired now. Overworked and worn out to a degree she wasn't sure she had ever seen before. The worry or something like it must have shown in her face because the next thing she knew, Jazz stepped closer. Dipping his helm to bring their faces just a bit closer together as he spoke.
"Hey now, Sweetspark," He told her softly. "Don't you be lookin' all worried about me. I'm fine. I promise. Tired, won't lie there, but no more than Prowl or Soundwave or Optimus."
"I just wish I could help." She muttered back at him. Ducking her helm and scuffing her ped claws against the stone walk beneath her peds.
Jazz snorted, the sound pulling her gaze quickly back up. "You are, Jynx. More then you know. Leave the city and such to us. We are the council; the planning of a war is our responsibility. You just worry about that brooding mech downstairs. Let us worry about the rest."
Jynx couldn't help the huff that left her then. Her optics darting back to the toward behind her. "You say that as if you think I know a damn thing to do with him."
"You've got a better idea then we do." Jazz shot right back.
Silver darted back to blue.
"I know ya are tryin', Sweetspark. We all do. Don't worry about that. I'll be honest. I'm not all that big on ya being alone with him, that's for sure. But I know I can't tell you what to do. Especially about him. Just . . . just don't let him hurt ya, Jynx."
Lips pressing into a grimace, she offered him a sigh.
"He won't hurt me."
At least, she was pretty sure he wouldn't.
She wondered if Jazz believed her as little as she was starting to believe herself.
For it was true; she could handle Gambit. That much had been proven true already, but she didn't know what to do with him. He had always been this unstoppable, unstable force in her life. The juggernaut that bested even the purple opticed monster that locked them away.
But now . . . well, she'd never known Gambit to hide.
"I hope your right, Sweetspark." Jazz whispered, optics pinning her still for a handful of breaths before he took a deep breath and shook his helm. "But enough about that right now. We're not up here for that, are we? I heard Bee roped ya into helping him make all these lanterns?"
She couldn't help but let a small laugh out at that. "Yeah, it wasn't actually bad. I . . . like this whole idea."
Bright blue optics softened a bit as they watched her. "Yeah, I figured you would. Were you wanting to light one too?"
She turned back just enough to get a look at Nook and the mechlings. Bee stood behind them, still explaining things, though now he held a lantern.
"Yes." She whispered, spark lodging somewhere up near her mouth with a sudden ache she had been managing not to think about all orn. "I . . . I actually was thinking about lighting two. Do you think that would be okay?"
Jazz studied her for a moment. She could almost feel the question bubbling around in his field, but he didn't ask.
She was unreasonably grateful to him for that.
"You can light as many as you want, Sweetspark." He assured her softly.
She could do nothing but nod in return. Swallowing hard against the ache in her chest. Finally, he reached out to lightly take her hand and start back over to the others.
She'd figured there would be some kind of grand speech to start it all off.
This kind of seemed like the thing the Prime would make a big speech about.
He did so like speeches after all.
However, that wasn't what happened.
She had returned to Sides and Sunny. The mechs hoovering near her but not closing in on both sides a usual. Instead, they watched her as she leaned heavily into Nook's space. She could taste the pain in his field, feel the ache in his spark down their bond, but neither said anything.
Somehow, she knew he was thinking the same thing she was.
It wasn't something either of them needed to discuss.
It hurt enough as it was.
Dreadwing and Skyquake stood quietly at his peds. A little lantern held between them, and he crouched to help them light it. Only coming to a stop as a sudden hush feel over the gathering of bots. Jynx looked up to find that not far from them, Optimus stood holding a lantern in an outstretched hand. Elita stood at his side, holding one as well. The pair of them looked nothing short of regal all of a sudden. In the cool dark night, with the soft blue glow of a little over two million lanterns spread out around them.
For a moment, Optimus' royal blue gaze stared out over the mass of bots that surrounding him. The old, the young. Those that had known war, those that were once innocent of it. All these bots who's lives now hung the in the balance of it once again.
Even from the distance between them, Jynx swore she could feel the pain that rolled off of him. It sure glowed brightly enough in his optics.
She figured now was when he was going to launch into some flowery speech, but he didn't.
No.
What he did instead, hit her square in the chest.
His gaze swept out around him for another long breath until slowly he lifted the lantern out before him and quietly but clearly, he spoke.
"To those we have loved and lost. We remember you. To those who have no one left to remember them. We remember you. Though it is not enough, we remember you." His voice rung out around the silence of the courtyard with the power of a shout, but he hardly spoke above a whisper. Those bright royal blue optics glimmering with coolant tears as he finished with a harsh inhale. "We miss you."
Then with a shove upward of his hand, he launched the lantern he held into the sky. The small blue scrap of fabric, wire and flame, hoovered there for a moment above his helm and then, the breeze caught it. Lifting it in a sudden jerk upward, the tiny thing climbed. Lifting higher and higher through the cool night air it burned a little blue beacon against the dark night sky. Then in some unspoken wave Jynx did not seem coming, every voice around them echoed a quiet murmur.
"We miss you."
The sheer power of those three words rolled like a tidal wave against her spark. Voices; young and old. Shared those three simple sounds between them until it seemed to shake the very air around them.
She shuddered with the strength of it, Nook shaking ever so slightly beside her, as one by one lanterns launched all around them.
Jynx chocked back the sudden flood of coolant that rushed to her optics. Blinking hard against the sting behind her optics, she let Nook untangle his claws from her. Kneeling back down to help the two little mechlings at his peds. They weren't really old enough to know the lantern he helped them light was for the creators they didn't really remember.
That truth made her chest ache.
Just as it burned when the slightly awed mechlings clambered back up Skywarp's shoulders while the big mech stood their quietly. Holding the young mechs too little to understand the pretty lights taking to the air all around them were meant as more then pretty lights. Her spark ached deep in her chest as she watched Nook kneel back down. Watched him pull not one, not two, not three, not four, but five lanterns to him. Lighting them one by one, he pushed them into the sky with his doorwings plastered down to his back.
Jynx turned away after the third one.
She knew what each were for. The first, for Harmony—the sister he would always believe he failed—the second and third for his sire and carrier who he had lost that night as well. But the fourth and the fifth one. Those . . . those were for the very same reason she found herself kneeling down to get not one . . . but two.
Snatching them up, she could not allow herself to analyze what was she was doing too hard. Instead, she hurried a few steps back to the twins. Setting one lantern back down at her toes, she went about trying to get the one in her hands to light.
It would have been a whole pit of a lot easier if her hands weren't shaking so bad.
Between one breath and the next, she found Sideswipe knelt down in front of her. His knees sprawled so that she soon found herself bracketed in between them. Dark black fingers lifting to catch hold of her shaking ones, she jerked her gaze up to find him curled in close to her. That soft grey faceplate framed in crimson and black gentle in a way she didn't think she could take.
A few coolant tears spilled over the rim of her visor as Sides shuffled just a bit closer. Behind him, Sunstreaker took a step closer as well. Not stopping until he was pressed up against his brother's thigh where it was bracketing her.
She dared not lift her gaze to take in his expression too. Though she didn't figure it could be all that different from his brother's.
Instead, she let Sides steady her hands for a few breaths before watch him light the little flame nestled inside. She could tell as he returned his hands to her own that he was about to try and help her push it up when suddenly she just couldn't.
Twisting her grip, she clutched hold of his fingers to stop him.
Surprise flickered through those dark blue optics for the slightest of moments before he stilled. Simply leaning closer to her over the little lantern. He did not ask though.
Neither did the golden brother that pressed closer to them.
It almost hurt worse that he didn't ask.
The rest of the world around them might as well have not been there. She couldn't have paid attention to it if she tried. Instead, all she could do was clutch as his fingers and stare down at the lantern in her grip.
She hadn't planned this.
When she'd listen to Bumblebee talk. When she had helped make these blasted things. She truly had thought it to be a nice idea. A good thing. A way to help bots.
And yes, she . . . she had wanted to light one for Arsine.
She did.
She wanted to light one, think of him, say she was sorry one last time, and maybe . . . oh pit she didn't know—maybe put him to rest.
For both their sakes.
Then they had all been there, and it had been real, and she'd found herself telling Jazz she wanted two. Then Optimus had started talking and pit damn it now she was crying over something that she had managed to fool herself into thinking she put down vorns ago.
Tears dripped down her cheeks. Sliding free to drop down and sizzle into the small flame in the center of the little blue lantern. Struggling to swallow down the lump in her throat and the shake in her hands enough to let go of the blasted thing.
She had let it go.
Once.
At least, she thought she had.
But a part of her could feel Nook's sadness down the bond, and had seen the two extra lanterns before him as well.
Apparently neither of them had put any of it down.
Before her, Sides leaned forward just a bit more until he could whisper into the breath between them.
"Wild Cat," He breathed. "You don't have to let it go. Its okay if you don't want to."
She shook her helm hard back and forth. Claws tightening on his blunter fingers as she finally dares look up. Whispering into the space between them.
"It's not for Arsine."
She can see the slight surprise flicker in his gaze, but he held her fingers back just as tightly when he whispered back.
"Okay," He told her. "That's okay."
Her hands shook in his grasp.
"You don't have to tell me who."
Yes, she did.
She had to.
She didn't know why. Primus fraggin' damn it, she had no idea why.
She just knew with a sudden certainty, that yes, yes, she did have to tell him. She had to tell both of them. It was the only way in which she was ever going to let the lantern go.
A few more tears slid down her cheeks when she whispered. "The kindle."
For a moment, Sides blinked at her. She could see the confusion shinning in his optics. Could almost see his processor racing as he tried to figure out what she was talking about. Then, all at once, he understood.
She knew he did.
From the way he sucked in a breath, and pain bloomed in his optics. Not for himself.
No.
For her.
The ache that suddenly surged his field crashed against her own with a force strong enough to draw a strangled sob up her throat. Between one moment and the next, he rocked forward through the slight space between them and knocked his forehelm against her own.
Pressing hard enough that he almost knocked them both off balance, it was only Sunstreaker pressing in against them both that kept them from falling over. All Jynx could do was squeeze her optics shut as Sides pressed hard against her. Words hardly more then air between them, but she soaked them up all the same.
"Oh Kitten," He breathed, fingers tightening against her own until their plating creaked with the pressure. "Breathe, Jynx. Just breathe with me, pretty kitten. Our pretty, bright spark. You're two damn bright for this world. Breathe with me. Come on now. You're gonna pass out if you don't. Breathe with me. In, and out. Come on now."
It was only when Sunstreaker's hand slipped around the back of her neck and squeezed that she choked on the breath that had lodged in her chest. The sob she had been holding on to coming out in a rush between one and the next. And so, she silently sobbed there. Refusing to make a sound in the face of all the rest of what was happening around her.
It wasn't much, but it was something. Pressing her helm harder into Sides' own. Clutching back at his fingers when he rocked his helm back and forth against her. A soothing murmur of: "In, and out. In, and out. Yeah, Kitten, just like that. That's good, keep breathing."
Sunstreaker's grip was tight but reassuring around the back of her neck.
And slowly, she managed to get her breathing back under control. Tears still dripped freely down her cheeks, but she managed to pull back from Sides. The crimson brother rocked back on his heels. Dark blue optics wide and full of ache as they stared at her, but he didn't try and push back into her space. Instead, he squeezed his fingers against hers once more, then let them loose. Not completely pull away just letting her take control of the lantern once more.
It was still there.
Hoovering in the space between them. Her optics locked on it; she whispered the truth of the darkness inside her.
"I didn't want it but—"
Sunstreaker's hand—the one not still wrapped around the back of her neck—slipped down suddenly between them. Those long golden fingers flashing in the soft blue glow as the hand looped down to hold the bottom of the lantern under her grip. She darted her tear-filled gaze up to him then.
Taking in the pained glow in his optics but the stern line of his lips she watched him kneel down like his brother. Bringing his face closer to her until he could whisper the words for her—for them—alone.
"That kindle was forced on you." He told her firmly, even as his optics swam with pain for her. She sniffled at the words, opening her mouth, but Sides squeezed her fingers again and she went quiet. "That was not your fault. A monster took your gestation chamber. That was not your fault. Having to loose that kindle, Jynx, it was not your fault."
The words hurt, burning like the ache in her chest, but at the same time cooled a part of it inside her.
She felt awful that it did. "But that wasn't its fault either."
"No," Sunstreaker sighed, drawing her optics back to his own with a squeeze to the back of her neck. Those dark blue pools that had come to mean so very much of her, fever bright with an ache she had never seen there. "No, it wasn't."
"It never even had a chance."
None of them did. Not that kindle, not her, not Arsine, not Gambit.
In that very breath she wasn't sure which of them she was crying for.
Maybe . . . maybe it was for all them.
"No." Sunstreaker agreed again.
"It's not fair!" She hissed the sob quietly between them, spark pounding in her chest and coolant leaking down her cheeks.
Sides' hands tightened around her own once more as Sunstreaker squeezed the back of her neck.
"No," He told her once more. "No, it wasn't. But you remember."
Coolant filed optics darted back to him, swimming with the uncertainty pounding away in her chest.
"Is that enough? Could that ever be enough?"
Those dark blue pools dimmed even as he leaned closer to her, holding even tighter to as he breathed. "Its all you can do, Jynx."
Her spark kicked hard in her chest, hurting, because she didn't know. She didn't know if it was enough. If it could ever hope to be enough. For a kindle that had never stood a chance. For a bunch of younglings that hadn't either. But he was right. It hurt her to the deepest parts of her core, but she knew he was.
Slowly, the golden hand wrapped around the bottom of the lantern pushed ever so slightly against her own. Her gaze darted quickly back down to it before returning to the mirror pair looking back at her.
Sunstreaker asked softly. "You ready to let it go?"
Sucking in a deep breath, she gave a quick nod. Loosening her grip around the lantern she was more relieved than she could say when the brothers' strength helped her push it. Not because it was heavy, not because she couldn't do it on her own, but because with their support . . . it was easier then had she tried on her own.
With a rush of movement, the lantern pushed upward. The tiny blue light slowly rising to going the hundreds of thousands taking to the air all around them. For a moment, she stood there, watching it climb. Trying to breathe through the tightness in her chest. Optics fixed on it until finally she lost it among the sea of floating blue lights.
In some way, it was kind of poetic, to watch the little light that hurt her so much mingle and mesh with the hurt of so many others until it was lost among all the rest. Joining to climb the sky and take a little bit of that ache with them.
She stared for a moment longer before turning back to the lantern at her peds. Surprisingly, she found that it was already lit, and sitting in Sides' palm. The sudden surge of affection that slammed into her spark for him was dizzying. However, she could not focus on it for now. Instead, she reached forward for the lantern.
Taking it between her hands she brought it around in front of her. Letting it rest there in front of her chest for a moment she stared down at the tiny flickering flame. A few fresh tears dripped down her cheeks as she thought of bright red optics, a witty sass, and a mech that had once meant more to her then the whole world combined.
She missed him.
Primus damn it, she missed him.
Her spark ached with it, but it ached for the mech that had died long, long ago.
Not the one that had torn their lives apart.
The brother she had loved once, had been lost to her a long time ago.
She knew that.
She knew it all too well.
But she missed him all the same.
Softly, she whispered to the tiny light. "I miss you." Then, she shoved it toward the sky. Staggering back a few steps as if she'd been punched in the gut, she couldn't take her optics off the lantern even as she felt Sunstreaker steady her with a hand against her back.
Instead, she watched. Watch that tiny blue light climb alongside the others until it too was lost in the mass of trailing blue lights climbing into the sky.
She stood there for a breath or two more. Stood there staring into the mass of lanterns until with a sniffling breath she spun and flung herself into Sunstreaker's arms. Looping her arms tightly around his neck, basking in the strength of his grip while he quickly rocked back on his heels to balance them both. His arms came up to lock around her back, pulling her closer into his form. She buried her face into his neck cabling. Trying desperately to not break down into sobs when he curled himself around her in a protective hold. One large hand spanning the width of her back, the other lifted to wrap loosely around the back of her helm. She clutched at him for all she was worth, breathing raggedly into his neck while he held her.
Held her there. His twin leaning in behind her. Wrapping his arms around the pair of them to pull them close to him as well. Jynx freed one hand from the clench at Sunny's back to snag a grip on Sides' arm.
Together, they huddled there, as the memory of sparks long lost climbed silently against the dark night sky.
These three make my heart hurt.
I hope you guys like it.
Hopefully, I will be able to back onto some kind of schedule here with updates. Life is still pretty crazy right now, but I promise I am working on chapters. I really do adore all of you readers so much, you're the reason I am still picking away at this. I can't wait to see what you thought.
I'll see you next chapter! Thanks! ^-^
-Jaycee