EPISODE 96 – Dead or Alive Or

Even with his hands up, and two silencers pointed at him, even after losing everything, this man still finds a reason to smile. He looks down on the twins as if he was the one who had won.

I don't hear my baby crying, as I stumble closer, but I notice Connor's small grin as he checks him out. I fall on my knees. None of them has seen me yet. And I'm all out of strength. I can't even call out to them.

"So, what now?" Negan sneers. "You guys gonna dispose of me, raise my kid as your own, that the plan?"

"Shut up," Murphy answers.

"Don't you think that each time you're gonna look at him, you won't see me? You won't think of the good time your gal had with me?"

"He said shut the fuck up!" Connor growls now.

I shudder, I want to throw up, though I can't even do that. I open my mouth to protest, but no sound comes out.

"'Cuz she came hard. And loud! God! I wish you two'd been there to see it." That bastard laughs in their face. And I'm only faltering. I'm so fucking ashamed, I can't find the energy to deny it. He's wrong about Arley. But that doesn't change what I did. "She's a little treasure our Aideen, isn't she?" he keeps taunting.

Murphy is trembling, sick with rage. "Ye don't get to say her name…"

"Oh, I do! With everything we've shared? You know I had told her long ago that she was free to go, but she stayed. And today, she begged me to take her with me when I left."

Murphy cocks his gun with a shuddering hand. That's the semi-second of distraction that Negan has been provoking. He leaps to the side, tackling Murphy to bring him to his knees. Connor aims, but he can't shoot while they're fighting, and he can't go assist his brother with the baby in his arms. Negan throws a heavy punch in Murphy's face that makes me wince and whimper. I try to stand back on my feet in vain. I'm so weak, anyway, that I couldn't help them.

However, Negan is cocky. He doesn't know one blow won't even make my saint dizzy. He's had much worse. Negan suddenly receives his boot in the stomach, folding him in half. And a second later, he gets another cocked Beretta aimed at his temple.

Murphy stands back up, wiping the blood from his chin, keeping the taller man on his knees this time. And, this time, the smile is gone.

"Ye okay, there, Murph'?"

"Aye, just peachy."

"Alright, that's it. Give me back my son." Negan's voice has changed. He's not joking any more. Although he's delirious if he thinks they are ever going to hand him back. "He belongs with me."

Connor isn't even paying him attention. And my heart drops. He's examining Arley with a frown that doesn't bode well.

"What the fuck, man? His ear is bleeding!"

I'm on my feet in a second. The adrenaline that shoots in my vein has me marching right up to them.

"Tine? Th'fuck! How did ye get here?" Murphy exclaims, but I can't answer him.

When I reach Connor, he surveys my appearance with wide, frightened eyes.

"Let me see…" I can only whisper.

And Connor delicately lays my tiny newborn in my arms.

"Here ye go, love. Are ye alright?" I nod, all I care about is the small red drop trickling from my baby's perfect ear. "It must be from all the shooting; it was too loud for him…"

I turn to Negan with a fire in my eyes that makes even him flinch.

"Ye think ye're his father?" The words seep out of my mouth like poison. "He's only just been born and ye're already hurting him."

"I-"

"Don't! Just shut up for once in yer fucking life! I'm glad he won't get to know ye. Ye've never deserved him. And ye know what? As our Lord would have it, it's a good thing ye're not his father at all."

At that, all three men watch me, perplex.

Then, Negan chuckles in disbelief. "You wished-"

"No, Negan. I've lied to ye. From the start. I was already pregnant when ye took me away." He squints his eyes at me, now, then glances at Murphy and Connor.

I lower my head. "I'm sorry, my loves. He's not yers either…"

"Daryl…" Connor murmurs.

And Negan bursts out laughing. "Fucking Daryl? You're kidding me, right?"

But I don't grant him a look. I'm observing the twins' reaction. Snuggling my baby close.

"It wasn't planned, of course. I only found out when I was already at the Sanctuary. He doesn't even know…"

Murphy has got his guarded expression that I can't decipher. He's chewing on his lips, his eyes and gun still fixed on the side of Negan's head, but his gaze his far away. After all these months apart, and now this, I suddenly feel a distance between us. That breaks my heart.

Connor's hand reaches for me. No, he tenderly caresses Arley's thin red hair. His smile is a little cramped, and he nods at me, as if he'd come to a conclusion that I'm not sure I dare to understand.

"Fucking Daryl…" Negan remains stuck. Of course, after months preparing for his son's birth, he cannot wrap his mind around the fact that this was all a lie. I couldn't either in his stead. "You're fucking with me."

"I'm sorry I had to lie, Negan. It was cruel to ye. But ye didn't leave me a choice."

"No… No, I guess I didn't." He huffs, staring at a point behind me now. I wonder if he's thinking back to all the shit he gave Daryl for months. I wonder if he sees the quirk of fate in this.

"That changes nothing." Connor suddenly utters. "We need to get ye both back home to a doctor, right now. And ye, Negan, ye're dying here. Right now."

He goes to stand behind the kneeling man, and both Saints get in position.

"Wasn't it what you said it meant?" Negan's voice sounds remote now. Almost peaceful, as he peers at the swaying grass. "His name. A meadow."

I slowly nod.

"Damn. Maybe fate is real then. Maybe it has a twisted sense of humor."

"Maybe." I hug my baby a little tighter.

He closes his eyes and raises his face up toward the sky, just to feel the wind. "Okay. I'm ready now."

I'm not. The twins stare at me with a questioning look. They're waiting for my signal, though I remain frozen. I'm still shaky from blood loss, but suddenly extremely lucid.

This is it. It's over. Once it's done, I get to go home... I shiver. He's going to atone.

Murphy's and Connor's voices rise:

"And Shepherds we shall be."

For all the suffering of these past year.

"For Thee, my Lord, for Thee."

All the people that have died because of him.

"Power hath descended forth from Thy hand."

All the people he's subdued, terrified, enslaved.

"So that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command."

Daryl's long torture.

"We shall flow a river forth to Thee."

My saints' and daughter's agonizing worry.

"And teeming with souls shall it ever be."

But also, the laughs.

"In nomine Patris."

Aíne's smile. My four-year-old little girl, snuggled on his lap, feeling safe and happy for the last time, a few weeks before she died.

"Et Fili. »

I close my eyes.

"Et Spiritus Sancti."

Then, just like that, I hear the two simultaneous muffled gunshots, and the sound of his body hitting the ground.

Here, a page turns... But the season is not over! There's a lot of healing left to do.
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