Eggman frowned as he watched his past failures on the screen in his lair. "If I'm going to destroy Sonic once and for all, I'm gonna need physical abilities of my own."
"Uh, how are you going to do that, boss?" Cubot asked. "You're no bio technician!"
"I'm looking for some books on bio technology." Eggman told Fastidious Beaver in the library. Fastidious glanced up from his laptop after scanning Eggman's card with a frown. "Actually, according to our records, your library card has been revoked. It says here you never returned a copy of, "Savage Passions, Wakkayanna Heat."
The people in the library let out snorts of laughter.
Eggman narrowed his eyes. "That's preposterous! I've never heard of that book! Even if I had read it, who would believe that Eloise would leave one Pablo for a mysterious billionaire?"
"Hey, mister!"
Eggman glanced down to see Beth giving him one of the sweetest smiles, holding out her card. "You can use my library card, I betcha!"
Eggman took the card and smiled. "Thanks, kid. People don't usually do nice things for me, not sure why." He turned to Fastidious and held the card up, laughing. "Hah! In your buck-tone face, BEAVER!"
Fastidious stared at him blankly.
After pulling some books down, Eggman frowned. "It's like a million types of mutations! And these textbooks aren't very helpful in the subject of which one you should intentionally inflict upon yourself."
"What's up, Sonic?"
Eggman turned around to see Sonic walking with Penny, the human girl noticing a frown on the hedgehog's face as he read his comic book. Sonic groaned. "Ah, great. Another "To be continued." If I had a comic I'd never end it like that." He tossed it at Eggman's table and walked off, followed close by Penny.
Eggman took the comic and read. "Bruce Bandicoot was just a timid scientist. Until a lab accident changed everything. Struck by absorbedly dangerous levels of purple rays, he became, the unenviable clunk!"
Eggman grinned, picking up the comic. "Finally, somebody put it in terms I can understand!"
At the lair...
Eggman finished the last repairs on his invention and turned to the bots. "I'm about to expose myself to dangerous purple rays. So stand back! I don't wanna share my awesome new powers with you losers!"
Orbot and Cubot shrunk back.
Eggman stood in front of the machine and pressed a button on his wrist controller. The machine fired purple rays at him, and Eggman cackled, waiting for the moment of power to arrive...
...but it never came.
Eggman narrowed his eyes. "I don't feel any different. Lousy piece of junk didn't work!" He ran up and banged the machine with his foot, grunting. He punched the machine a few times until his body started to change, and he turned into an adorable purple little creature of some sort.
The creature laughed and ran out the lair, followed closely by Orbot and Cubot.
Penny sat in a table at Meh Burger along with Sonic and friends, ordering lunch.
"One Meh Salad." Dave said in boredom, handing the team a plate of...
"Leaves." Penny mumbled, picking one up with her hand.
"That's just a plate of shredded ice burg lettuce." Amy said, narrowing her eyes at him.
"Oh, sorry!" Dave said. "One premium Meh Salad."
"I am getting sick of this..." Penny grumbled, standing up. She let out a yelp as a creature nocked her to the ground.
"You okay?" Sonic asked, surprised, reaching down to help her out. She nodded, and the hedgehog pulled her to her feet.
"I'm fine. But what in the world is that?" She asked, pointing to the purple creature. Orbot and Cubot chased it around a few times until they actually caught it.
"Now that's something you don't see every day." Penny hummed.
Eggman groaned, sitting up. "What happened last night? I can't remember a thing! Just like my weekend in Casino Night Zone."
"What happens in Casino Night Zone, stays in Casino Night zone!" Cubot said cheerfully.
"After exposing yourself to purple rays, you became agitated, which caused you to morph into an adorable creature of some kind." He motioned to the screen. Eggman turned and watched a recording of Orbot and Cubot chasing after the creature Orbot mentioned.
Eggman stood up and pressed pause, staring at the cute creature. "I followed the unenviable clunk's original story to the letter! But it just turned me into some sort of...B-level cereal mascot!"
"If you can't trust comic books for record representations of science, who CAN you trust?" Cubot asked.
Eggman hummed as he flipped though his book of notes. "Says here the affects of purple rays wear off if one can last 48 hours of transformation." He put the book down and grinned. "How hard can that be? I just not have to get angry for two days! Easy peasy!"
"Just going to pick up some delicious arugula and get back to the lair to wait out the 48 hours." Eggman said as he picked up some arugula.
"So, Egghead, why were your dunderbots chasing that little purple dude yesterday?" Sonic asked, drawing his attention to the group.
"I can't prove that I have anything to do with a creature that purple whats-it." Eggman said, narrowing his eyes.
Tails smirked. "It is WAY above your skill level. After all, you're no biotechnician!"
The gang laughed, except Penny. She winced as Eggman growled angrily.
"Is it really that far fetched that a mechanical genius such as Dr. Eggman could learn SOME new science skills?" Orbot asked quickly.
"It makes sense." Penny said, nodding at Orbot. "He's pretty incredible with science. No offence, Tails." She said, quickly turning to the fox.
Tails nodded. "Don't worry about it."
"Nah, I don't buy it," Amy said.
Eggman growled, slamming the arugula back in the box. "I'M A GENIUS! YOU NO GOOD STINKING MUSKRATS MAKE ME SO ANG-"
He wasn't able to finish that sentence, for his body started changing and he transformed into the purple creature again.
Everything went black.
Eggman groaned as he slowly opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Team Sonic talking worriedly as he woke up.
"You okay, boss?" Cubot asked.
Eggman groaned, rubbing his head. "I guess my secret's out..."
"Don't worry." Knuckles said reassuringly. "We've known about your toe nail collection for years."
"Ew, Knuckles." Penny cringed. "Just EW."
"Not that!" Eggman snapped. "My other less slightly shamefully one."
"That you turn into a little purple guy every time you get mad." Amy said. She raised her hands, smiling. "Don't worry, Eggman, we'll handle this news with the un-most maturity."
She turned to Sonic, who was squirting Eggman with a squirt gun, laughing. "Stop squirting yourself, stop squirting yourself!"
Eggman raised a hand in front of his face to protect himself from the water. "Hey, quit it! You're squirting me! That's not even how this joke's supposed to work!"
Everyone except Beth and Penny burst out laughing.
Eggman growled, turning into the purple dude again and running off after Sonic squirted at him one last time.
The crowd cheered, except for Amy, Beth, and Penny, who were watching with a pitying look on their faces.
"I'm sinking to all my lows bringing myself here." Eggman muttered as he glanced at the leader of the group.
Amy.
Amy smiled at him. "Welcome to Anger Management."
"YOU'RE teaching Anger Management?" Eggman asked. "Aren't you just a pounding cake of emotions waiting to explode?"
"NO!" Amy screamed. "I'm THE PROSOTIFICATION OF SERENITY, YOU INSENSITIVE LOUT!"
Eggman grumbled, taking a seat next to Comedy Chimp.
"It's important to maintain your composure, even in the most frustrating of circumstances. Be it physical torture, or listening to a tottering old coot rambling on about nothing." Amy said.
Eggman crossed his fingers, muttering, "Please be torture. Please be torture..."
The door opened, and Old Monkey walked in. "A lot's changed since I was a youth. Back then, this City Hall wasn't even here! It was across the street! Of course, we didn't call it a city hall then, we'd call it the old gather 'round! Gather 'round the City Hall, they'd say!" He scratched his head in realization. "Oh. I guess we DID call it a City Hall."
"WILL YOU JUST GET TO THE POINT, YOU BORING OLD-" Eggman's rant was cut short as he turned into the adorable little guy again.
The class went on to Og teaching meditation. "To be free of a range, one must clear one's mind...center one's chin..upload one's anger to the cloud, man!"
Eggman hummed. "I am calm. I am one with this hippy-dippy- mumbo jumbo."
"And now, for the final test..." Amy smiled, handing Eggman a phone. Eggman took it, listening. He nodded. "Hello, I'd like to schedule an appointment to get my cable TV service!"
A moment.
Eggman nodded with a smile. "Five weeks? That seems unreasonable, but, I've learned to accept that which I cannot control."
He hung up.
Amy sniffed, proud of her student as she clapped along with the others. "Bravo..."
After that session, Eggman walked around town, and Sonic and the rest of the team popped up. Penny was no where to be seen...Eggman found this surprising. She was usually with them. Oh, well, she must be just hanging out at home or with some other friend.
Sonic noticed Eggman coming up and smirked. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Purple McCutse-stuffs!"
"The most adorable villain-willan in the whole village-willage!" Knuckles cooed, shaking Eggman by the ear. "Yes he is, yes he is!"
Eggman smiled, much to the team's surprise. "Hello, my dear nemesis! Lovely day, isn't it?"
The team stared at Eggman, dumbfounded. "Aren't you going to lose your temper?" Tails asked, breaking the silence.
"I have moved beyond such trivial things." Eggman said.
Sticks smirked. "What if I do...this?" She touched his moustache, chanting, "Not touching ya, not touching ya!"
Eggman smiled at her. "Thank you for not touching me. I appreciate your restraint. Now, if you excuse me..." Eggman turned heal and left, leaving the team dumbfounded.
Eggman sat in his lair, humming to himself while he meditated. The clock read 15:03, and Orbot turned to Eggman with a smile. "Good news, Dr. Eggman. Only 15 minutes until the affects of the purple ray wear off completely!"
Eggman grinned. "Nothing's gonna stop me now!"
The door nocked, and Eggman grinned. "Oh, good! A last minute complication." He stood up and walked towards the door and opened it to see Beth standing there. She smiled, handing him a plate of cookies. "Hey, mister, I felt bad that everyone was teasing you, so I made you cookies!"
"Oh, isn't that the sweetest?" Eggman cooed. He popped a cookie in his mouth and cringed at the strange taste.
Beth grinned at him. "I ran out of baking soda, so I used toothpaste!"
She ran inside the lair, squealing. She ran up to the console and grinned. "Gee wiz, I LOVE science stuff!" She pointed to a button. "Hey, mister, what's this button do?"
Eggman smiled. "That's my submotomic inhalator. You know, it's so good to see young people taking interest in..."
"And what's this one do?"
Eggman laughed. "There's a funny story about that one."
"And how about this one?" Beth asked, her finger just above a button. Eggman's eyes widened. "DON'T TOUCH THAT!"
Too late.
Beth touched the button, and the floor fell underneath the little shrew, and she fell through the hole, screaming.
"Oh, man, she fell down the garbage chute!" Eggman said, beginning to panic. He turned to his robots. "Cubot, go after her!"
Cubot saluted and tried going after her, but failed. "Ow..."
"Great." Eggman grumbled. "Not even my most well-built robots can't squeeze through there! That trash compact is going to turn on any minute now!" He glanced at the timer.
13:00.
Eggman tossed the cookie tray away. "There's only one guy I know who can fit through that chute...but to summon him, I need to get angry! Orbot, insult me! Tell me everything I create is a failiur!"
Orbot shook his head, a bit overwhelmed. "Oh, that's not true! You have lots to be proud of!"
"That's sweet." Eggman said. "But not helpful!" He glanced down the hole, yelling. "Hang on, kid! I'll think of something!"
He ran off.
His first try was Meh Burger. "Uh, okay, I'll have two double Meh Burgers, extra pickles on one, an order of lightly fried onion rings, and a large cola. Half diet, half regular,and lighten up on the ice, and hurry!"
Dave walked off.
Eggman chuckled. "No way he gets this right. Once he screws up I'll be on a one way trip to rage town!"
Dave walked up, holding a bag of food. Eggman opened it, and his mouth dropped open. "But...this is exactly what I ordered!"
"A broken clock's bound to be right twice today." Dave said. "By the way, do you have the time?" He held up his wrist watch. "My clock's broken."
Eggman ran up to Sonic and Penny, who were both relaxing together. Penny raised her eyes as Eggman grinned. "Oh, Sonic! Great! Make fun of me!"
"Listen, Eggman, Penny and I chated, and...I know I was harsh on you the other day, I'm sorry..."
Penny smiled at him proudly.
Eggman narrowed his eyes. "No, no, no no no no no! You're not sorry, you think I'm a boffun! A joke! A yellow-belly Mombot's boy!"
His comunicator beeped, and Penny's eyes widened when Orbot spoke. "I don't mean to rush you, but the trash compactor walls are closing in!"
A second later, Beth yelled. "Help me, mister!"
"Is that Beth..." Penny jolted to her feet with a gasp, her brown eyes wide with fear.
Eggman growled. "I finally wanna get angry, but I can't! That little girl's gonna get pancaked! Why can't I get angry! Why! It makes me SO MAD-"
And he transformed.
Sonic and Penny glanced down at the little creatur. Sonic narrowed his eyes, boosting Penny on his back. "Don't worry, Eggman, we heard the whole thing. Let's book it!" He picked up the little creature in his arms. "Come here, you!"
And zoomed off.
"Hang on, Beth..." Penny muttered as they zoomed towards Eggman's lair.
Sonic arrived just in time, and Eggman jumped out of Sonic's arms and dove into the trash chute, and managed to pull Beth to safety. Beth cooed, hugging the creature. "Thank you, thank you, thank you mr. dr. thingy!"
"Hey, uh, Penny and I helped, too!" Sonic said.
Beth smiled, holding out two cookies. "Wanna cookie?"
"Would I?" Penny cooed. She and Sonic both took a bite and cringed.
16:00:05.
Eggman, now back to meditating, was almost there. "You're doing good, Eggman. Just free your mind of all distractions..."
"Soup's on, boss!" Cubot called, rolling in with a tray of soup. He accidentally knocked into Eggman, spilling food all over him.
Eggman growled, and transformed once again.
47:59:58.
NEXT CHAPTER: EGGMAN: THE VIDEOGAM: PART ONE