A/n: I only own Ellie, Grant, Beckie and Kasie, and Sarah; all other characters that you recognize are property of Marvel.

a/n2: Less than a month from Falcon and the Winter Soldier! WandaVision is getting so good and my class is almost over! I was able to write another chapter as well. I hope next week is easy for me and I can finish up another chapter. I've just been struggling mentally lately and between work, personal life, and my classes... I've just been a tad overwhelmed. So enjoy this chapter, we are starting to get a little deeper into Ellie's journey of self-discovery.

Thank you rwynters for the new follow!

I swear that I can go on forever again

Please let me know that my one bad day will end

I will go down as your lover, your friend

Give me your lips, and with one kiss, we begin

Are you afraid of being alone

Cause I am, I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of leaving tonight

Cause I am, I'm lost without you

~ I'm Lost Without You by Blink 182

*~*~* June 1, 2019- New York, New York *~*~*

Ellie groaned as she sat back, rubbing her temples as a headache throbbed between the said temples. After dealing with men who had fantastic ideas and tried to outdo each other with their said ideas. Just short of whipping out their penises and having a sword fight in the middle of the conference room.

"Ms. Barnes?"

Ellie opened her eyes to see Amanda poking her head in and sat up, "Yes?"

"Miss Potts requests your presence," Amanda told her as she bit her lip nervously, "I know it is your 'break,' but…"

Ellie pushed her chair back and slid her shoes back on her feet, "Thank you, Amanda. Hold my calls, and if my brother calls, tell him I may be late."

Amanda nodded as Ellie grabbed her bag and purse then walked past Amanda's desk to head down to Pepper's office. Ellie's office was two floors down from Pepper's, so when she entered the elevator, it took a swipe of her ID badge for the right button to be pressed to take her up to Pepper's office.

Ellie shook her head at the silence as she remembered the elevators used to have music and an operator. When the elevator stopped, Ellie had to swipe her badge for the doors to open on the corporate level of Stark Industries. Walking down the hallway, she stepped into Pepper's office. Smiling at Pepper's assistant, Taylor, who was on the phone, waved her in.

Walking over to the door, she knocked as she opened it.

Pepper looked up from her computer, "Hey, Ellie."

Ellie walked inside and shut the door behind her, "Hi Pep," Ellie took in the dark circles under her eyes that even makeup couldn't fix.

"Thanks for coming here, Ellie," Pepper said as Ellie sat down on the other side of her desk.

"No problem, Steve and I are doing the interview today anyways. They are following us to Brooklyn and around town. Probably mostly going to visit the museum, then they are going back to our house with us," Ellie said as she sighed, "Steve and I aren't sure about whether we let the kids be shown or not, but we don't want to hide them either."

Pepper sat back and rubbed her ever-expanding bump, "Well, you can keep them in the shadows and hidden, but at the same time… if you are more well known and well… Steve is Captain America, it might be a paparazzi thing too. Who can get the first pictures and video of the kids?"

Ellie bit her lip as she nodded, "That's what Joey said too," Ellie said, "Nat wants to keep Sarah hidden, but…" She sighed, "I don't know what to do. I wish I knew what Bucky would want."

"He was damn proud of Grant," Pepper told her with a smile.

Ellie smiled fondly, remembering Bucky carrying Grant around, "He was. He used to wear Grant on the carrier on his chest and walk around with his chest puffed out."

"Every time I see him, he looks more like Bucky," Pepper told her.

Ellie nodded, "He does. He is such a mini-Bucky. Even more of his mannerisms are coming through as Grant gets older," Ellie laughed, "The other day, Grant was eating, and when he had finished his food, he leaned back and put his arm on the back of his chair… so much like Bucky used to."

"Oh! The reason I brought you in. I need you to sign some paperwork," Pepper told her as she grabbed a file and handed it to Ellie, "This is just the paperwork for the patent on the new tablet."

Ellie frowned as she looked over the papers and saw her name on the patent, "Why is my name on the tablet?"

"Because you aided in the development," Pepper told her with a smile, "Same when I would do similar aspects, but you are in the trenches with them. You have been working side by side learning the processes and seeing these develop by blueprints up."

Ellie took a pen off her desk then initialed and signed.

"Thank you," Pepper said as she put the paperwork into the folder and put it into her organizer, "When do you do the interview?"

Ellie looked at her phone, "Steve is meeting me downstairs in five minutes, so I better head down there. We are driving to Brooklyn together."

Pepper smiled, "Have fun."

Ellie got up and looked at her with a slight smile, "I'm going back home."

*~*~* June 1, 2019- Brooklyn, New York *~*~*

In one of the parking spots on the side of the road of Henry Road, Steve parked her SUV, on which was now Barnes Road, then looked over at her, "Ready for this?" He asked as he saw the filming crew already set up.

Ellie nodded as she worried at her lip that was already smooth from the loss of skin, "Just bear with me if I lose it."

Steve took her hand and kissed it, and then after checking the mirror for traffic, he climbed out of the car.

Ellie took a large breath then opened her door.

Steve walked around the car and held out his arm to her as they walked over to the man they had been introduced to a week earlier, "Sir," Steve said as he reached out his hand, and the man shook it.

"I'm Michael Daniels," He told them as the crew filmed them.

"Steve Rogers and this is my sister, Ellie Barnes," Steve told him.

"Nice to finally meet the two of you. So this is what we will do, we are going to record everything. I want you to walk me around the area, your former home. So that people can understand you two a little more," Michael told them.

Ellie nodded as someone put a microphone on her and Steve.

Michael pointed over to the statue after they finished, "How about we start here?"

Ellie walked over to the statue and looked up at it as Steve came to stand next to her. Treasures, signs, and memorials to Bucky littered the base. She gazed up at the face of Bucky on the statue, "We came here when Grant was young. On our first trip back home," Ellie told Steve as she glanced at him as he stared up at his face, "He couldn't even look at this. He thought it was too weird. Said that…" She licked her lips, "Statues should be for heroes that are dead…not everyday people with horribly dumb luck that just won't die."

Ellie shook her head as she looked down at one bear dressed like Buck at the foot of the statue, "I didn't want to correct him, that when the statue was created… he was thought to be dead, and you were too."

"You should be there next to us," Steve said so quietly that Ellie didn't think that the boom mike that the man beside the camera guy had pointed at them would have picked up his words, only the microphone on his shirt.

Ellie shook her head, "No, I wasn't a hero… I'm just one of those everyday people with horribly dumb luck. Plus, it would have to have me, Peggy, and all the Commandoes. After that, there goes a whole ton of wasted money."

"Does the area look the same?"

Ellie almost jumped at Michael's voice cutting through her consciousness.

"No," Steve stated, then frowned, "Buildings are gone. They've been replaced. This park was a warehouse."

"Everything is cleaner… brighter. Steve wouldn't know that, though," Ellie said, looking at Steve.

Steve shook his head as he looked back at their old apartment, "Everything was drab back then… drab and dirty. My color blindness didn't matter either way."

"This street was Henry Street, not Barnes. Same with this one, it was Mills," Ellie told Michael as she had to shake her head. Ghosts of her memory placed Bucky next to her as they walked across the street to the same building that she had Bucky had visited previously. It now had a sign on it, the 'HOWLING COMMANDOES MUSEUM.'

Steve strode to the stairs and looked up, "God, they didn't change much. The stairs look the same."

Ellie stood at the bottom as Steve walked up to their floor and stood at the top. She closed her eyes and imagined Bucky next to her, his hair slicked back. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she slowly climbed the steps as the crew followed her.

Steve looked at the railing where the brick once laid, "Well, my key is gone."

Ellie smiled, "Bucky said the same thing. You always forgot yours."

A simple sign was on their door, ROGERS.

"Mr. Shara's apartment is gone," Steve said, pointing to the wall where a door once had been. Instead, it had now held a large canvas of artwork depicting a flag.

Steve reached for the handle and turned it. Ellie followed him inside.

The hallway was empty, as was the desk where Mr. Shara's backdoor once was.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cooper lived here in 1A," Steve remembered as he led her into the room where a large sign stated EARLY YEARS, "My God, I don't think I've seen some of these."

Ellie walked over next to him, and the cameraman hurried over to the side.

"Look at you," Steve said with a grin, "I didn't realize how much the girls look like you."

Ellie looked at the picture, "Wow, you are right. I thought they looked more like Bucky than me."

"Nah, definitely you," Steve said as he looked at the shadow boxes of clothes, "Well, technically, that was both of our clothes. You just wore all my clothes when I grew out of them."

Ellie laughed, "Until I got to school, so many of the neighbors thought I was a boy," She said as she pointed at the drawing, "Look, it was one of your first drawings."

Steve looked at it, "I remember it. For first grade, we were supposed to draw a drawing of our favorite place. So I drew Central Park, but the trees were blue. I couldn't tell the difference between the colors yet. The teacher didn't like that I colored the trees wrong."

"How bad was your color blindness?" Michael asked.

"I didn't see any color. My life was a black and white movie with gray mixed in," Steve told him as he paused in front of the crib, "We didn't have a crib at the apartment."

Ellie swallowed hard, "I did… for Ulysses."

Steve looked at her.

"After Bucky died," Ellie sighed, "Disappeared, I came back home to tell Winnie and Becca. We walked by this store, and it was in the window," Ellie said, her lip quivering, "It wasn't ours… it looks used, but… I have a feeling that it was more Becca using it for Jamie. Ulysses didn't make it long enough to be in it."

Steve pulled her into his arms.

"You and Bucky had another son?" Michael asked softly.

Ellie nodded, "I was pregnant when Bucky disappeared… the stress between him and Steve both… dying. It was too much on me. I went into early labor. Back then, they called it a miscarriage, but when he was born, he took two breaths. A short cry."

Ellie pulled out her handkerchief, "I was trying not to cry."

Steve took her hand, "Come on, let's go next door."

Ellie followed him into the CHILDHOOD room, and Steve smiled at the toys. He pointed out what he remembered with Ellie throwing in the occasional comment.

"I cannot believe that people kept these," Steve said, looking at the pictures of them from school.

He paused on the pictures of him and Bucky. Occasionally she would also be in the photo that someone had taken. There were many of them all together that Winnie had taken, "How did I not notice back then how much you liked Bucky?"

Ellie laughed, "Steve, I didn't even know."

The last picture was of Ellie with her arms around Bucky's neck as they kissed at the Brooklyn train station, "Solider says goodbye to sweetheart at Brooklyn train station?" He read as he looked at her, "When was that?"

"The day you enlisted," Ellie told him sadly, "It… it is the last picture of us… before Hydra. The last picture before they messed with us. Before they broke us."

Steve looked at her, "They didn't break you. You were too strong for that before Hydra even. Both of you."

"Our apartment is next door," Ellie told Steve, "They found old pictures and recreated it as close as they could, so be ready for the memories."

Steve squeezed her hand then led her next door to HOME. When they entered, the memories surfaced again, temporarily drowning her in the waves of sadness.

The lights started to blink, and Steve squeezed her hand, pulling her out of the waves back to the surface.

The ropes from her prior visit were all gone as she looked at the couch.

Steve let go of her hand and looked at the couch, "Is this our old couch?"

"No, the pattern is different, but it is similar," Ellie said as she noticed the drawing pads on the table, "Those are your drawings, though."

Steve walked into the kitchen and opened the cupboards, "Look, no food… same as it was then."

"Hey now, we had some… just not a lot," Ellie said, wiping her tears as he opened the icebox.

"You kept us going with what we had," Steve said as he shut the empty icebox and walked to his room.

Ellie stood back, letting the camera crew go by as Steve entered his room.

"Are you okay?" Michael asked softly.

"John 16:22 - So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again, and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy," Ellie recited as she looked at him, "That time of grief never gets easier."

Ellie walked towards the bedrooms and looked in to see Steve holding up one of his outfits from pre-serum to his body as he looked over at her, "God Steve, I forgot how small you were."

Steve put it back into the closet then walked over to her, "You okay?"

"No, but I'm okay as I can be," Ellie said with a small smile.

"Is your room still the same?" Steve asked.

Ellie walked down to it and walked into the room. It no longer smelt of Bucky's cologne and her perfume, but a Chantilly bottle sat on the desk. In the closet was Bucky's suit and some of his Sunday best, and she had to smile as she saw them next to some of her ratty dresses, "Looking at this closet, you'd think Bucky dressed smartly every day. His normal clothes must have been confused with rags."

"He was a great dresser," Steve said.

"Yeah, he was," Ellie said as she looked at the bed and smiled, "When Bucky and I came, the quilt Mom made… the family quilt? It was on it. I took it, and I didn't care."

"Where is it?" Steve asked.

"I put it in a box to preserve it. I'll get it out at the house," Ellie told him.

"What's next door in the Chastain's apartment?" Steve asked.

Ellie shrugged, "We didn't get to that when Bucky and I visited. I got too overwhelmed."

Steve took her hand, and they walked together out of their old apartment to the apartment next door to see WW2 over the door. Inside the old Chastain's apartment were Bucky pictures at boot camp, Steve at Camp Leigh, Steve becoming Captain America, and a replica of his first uniform. Video of his campaigns for the senator. The memo which had sent by Colonel Phillips to Winifred informing her of his death behind enemy lines. Then Bucky's reply telling her he was alive. Letters he sent to Becca and Winnie. Somebody had found various pictures of the Howling Commandoes. Where the kitchen should have been was a memorial to each commando that told where they ended up.

"Of course, Dum Dum was the last to go, besides Peggy," Ellie said, shaking her head.

"He was a stubborn man. Did I tell you the one time I visited him that I snuck Scotch in the nursing home for him?" Steve asked.

"Steve!" Ellie said, surprised with a smile.

Steve laughed, "He was still wearing that hat all these years later. He went, "My Captain still knows me." And we shared, well, a few glasses. Then it was just us again."

Ellie glanced at the hallway and saw a room in the same place that she and Bucky's was in their apartment marked ELLIE. Slowly she walked towards it and sucked in a breath. Inside, the walls were covered in photos of her that she didn't know existed.

Steve walked up next to her and read the poster on the wall. "Not much is known about the secret member of the Howling Commandoes. For years, it had been known that there was a female agent that worked alongside Agent Peggy Carter and the Howling Commandoes. Not much was known about who she was as documents were redacted that had her name. Many photos showed only part of her body, withholding her face. One document was made public with the fall of SHIELD, letting people know the possibility of her existence. Agent Elizabeth Rogers was present for Project Rebirth. The document stated that she was upset that she was not notified that her brother was the chosen patient for Project Rebirth. Until Captain Rogers's death, that was the only thing mentioned about her in public documents from Project Rebirth until Captain Rogers's supposed death. Before Project Rebirth, documents below show that she ran the psychology department at the SSR showing a need for psychological help before was a commonplace."

Michael looked at her, "You were the head of the psychology department?"

Ellie scoffed, "Head? More like I was the psychology department. There was not a big need seen back then on mental health. You sucked it up and dealt with it. I also was in charge of psychological warfare. It wasn't pleasant, but it got stuff accomplished."

An enlarged article about her saving the queen was next to the poster.

Michael read the small poster next to it, "Not much is known about Elizabeth after she saved the future Queen of England. A picture of Howard Stark's New Years' bash in 1949 showed that she was present with Agent Peggy Carter when an experiment went wrong. Stark Industries had her on the payroll for 20 years without a known sighting before her supposed death in 1970."

Ellie swallowed hard.

"Where were you?" Michael asked.

"I was given the serum in 1949. Hydra had infiltrated SHIELD already. Under our radar," Ellie told him with a sigh, "They… experimented on Steve's version, and their last known success, which we didn't know, was Bucky… to create their new serum. What we didn't know, it was to use me specifically to control their weapon," Ellie told him, shaking her head, "It blew up in their faces… literally. I blew up all the electronics and woke up a day later with sudden powers. Which is what Hydra wanted, but I couldn't control them. I was severely unstable."

Ellie looked at the picture from New Year's Eve, "1949… Time Square. Howard had a party, and reports said that he had an experiment that went wrong. I was the experiment."

Ellie stopped for a moment as she swallowed down the lump in her throat and tried to even out her breath, "At the time, all the electricity… it was too much, and I blew up the New Year's Eve ball… cloaking all of Time Square in darkness. I went into cryo a few days later, never thinking I'd wake again."

"So you were in cryo… like your husband for how many years?" Michael asked, surprised.

"Until 1987," Ellie told him as she bit her lip as she looked at him, "Then we had these magic drugs they thought would work on me… they didn't… well…" Ellie scratched her head, "They did, but I ran into Bucky on a mission and… thought I was going crazy. Howard thought I was going crazy, so they put me back under cryo. Until Bucky and Steve figured it out, I was missing. Hidden like they wanted me to be."

"We didn't want you hidden… we wanted you safe," Steve told her.

"And I was… until you were gone, you guys protected me," Ellie told him, "Then Project Phoenix happened… I thought it would either kill me or save me. I guess you could say it did both. It killed me until it could save me to be here in the future. Without it, Grant and the girls wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have gotten another year with Bucky."

"Why did they call it Project Phoenix?" Michael asked.

Ellie looked over at him, "Because the project rose from the ashes of Project Rebirth to be born again into something new. My code name was Phoenix."

Ellie looked back at the pictures and shook her head. Walking out of the room with Steve following her to the next apartment, OUT OF THE ICE AND SHADOWS.

Steve squeezed her hand, and Ellie saw a large photo from SHIELD archives of Steve frozen. She stood back as Steve walked Michael and the camera crew around, telling about different missions while looking at photos. Ellie stared at the wall where a picture of Bucky hung. It was him as the Winter Soldier in Washington and had made into a larger image.

She felt her hands burning and closed her eyes, trying to control herself.

Steve looked up as the lights started blinking, then over at her as the room went dark as a bulb blew, "Ellie, let's go outside and take a breather."

Ellie opened her eyes, and her eyes glowed.

"Stay here with me," Steve said as he took her hands then pulled her into a hug.

With a gutwrenching sob, Ellie sagged against him as she grabbed his shirt.

"It's okay," Steve said as he rubbed her back then picked her up in his arms.

Carrying her out of the apartment, he carried her back to their old one. He sat her on the couch and kissed the top of her head.

"I'm sorry, just seeing… seeing those pictures of him…" Ellie gasped.

"We know that wasn't him. It was Hydra," Steve said, "Those pictures weren't him… he was trapped in his own body, confused and lost… looking for you."

"I miss him," Ellie sobbed.

"I know you do… so do I," Steve told her, kissing the top of her head as tears fell down his face into her hair.

*~*~* June 24, 2019- White Plains, New York *~*~*

Steve pulled his new SUV, a Subaru Ascent, into a parking spot at the doctor's office. Beckie and Kasie were at the house with Annabelle while Steve took Grant and Sarah for their checkups. Turning the car off, he looked in the backseat to see Sarah and Grant's carriers sitting comfortably in the middle seat with room for either Ellie and Natasha to still sit in the middle if they wanted to. Getting out of the car, he first unfastened Grant then carried him to the other side of the vehicle to get Sarah from her seat. Slowly they walked up to the door and inside.

The nurse at the desk looked up, "Mr. Rogers! Hello, how is everyone today?"

Steve glanced at her badge, "Great Michelle, busy today?" He asked as he signed in with Sarah hugging his leg.

"Not at all. The doctor will probably be able to take you soon," Michelle said, "Have a seat."

"Thanks," Steve said as he walked over to the small play area to let the kids play.

Sitting next to them, he smiled as they babbled in their language to each other. Occasionally he heard them say a real word, but most of what they said was incomprehensible to him.

Pulling his phone out, he scrolled through the news of the day. So many articles about the country attempting to recover. Politicians were trying to use the Snap to gain political power. Tensions in the Middle East were starting to return.

"Mr. Rogers?"

Steve looked up as Michelle was at the door. He stood up and grabbed Sarah and Grant's hands. Leading them into the exam rooms, he sat on the chair and pulled them into his lap.

"Let's get little miss done first," Michelle told him as she put her stethoscope in her ears.

After ten minutes of vitals, Dr. Dean came into the room, "Hello my little friends, how are we today?" She asked as she washed her hands.

Steve smiled, "Doing well. Ellie wasn't able to come in, so I appreciate you combining their appointments for us."

Dr. Dean threw her paper towel into the trash, "Ellie still stretching herself too thin?"

Steve nodded, "Yeah, she apologizes for not rescheduling his appointment until now."

Dr. Dean smiled, "I know how it is. Hello, kiddos. Well, Michelle said everything looks great, let me do a quick exam, then well it looks like Mr. Grant is due for his Hepatitis A vaccine."

"I do have a quick question," Steve said as she carried Sarah to the table to exam her.

"That is what I am here for," Dr. Dean said, glancing at him.

"Sarah is starting to show interest in more table food, same with Grant," Steve told her.

"Well, as long as it is small enough and cut correctly, Grant is a year and eight months… Ellie said he was eating table food," Dr. Dean said.

"He is eating foods like corn and veggies, fruits and chicken which are shredded, but I'm talking about steak. He nearly stole my plate when I wasn't looking," Steve told her.

Dr. Dean laughed, "Well if it is well done and cut small enough, I wouldn't see the issue."

Steve nodded as she finished up with Sarah then they traded kids. She finished up with Grant's exam then looked at Steve.

"Uncle Steve, I will need you for this. You might want to hold him," Dr. Dean told him.

Steve set Sarah on the ground with a book and took Grant, "Hey bud, Uncle Steve is going to hold you for a bit, and you are going to get a little pinch."

*~*~* June 24, 2019- Irvington, New York *~*~*

Ellie groaned as she walked into the house after Happy had dropped her off. Kicking her shoes off, she walked into the house, "I'm home!"

"In the dining room," Steve replied deeper in the house.

"Today was a horrible day. I spent most of my day trying to get a new lawsuit settled for our patent. The lawsuit is completely bogus," She said as she walked into the dining room, "What's for dinner?"

"Sweet potatoes and chicken," Steve said as he looked at her.

"Shit Steve, what alley are you picking fights in again?" Ellie asked, bending down to get a look at his eye, "How'd you get a black eye?"

"Well, I kinda got hit at the doctor's office today," Steve said, shrugging, "Plate for you is in the oven."

Ellie frowned, "Who hit you at the doctor's office?"

Steve slowly looked at Grant, who was eating in his booster seat.

Ellie looked at him wide-eyed, "My baby? My baby hit you and left a mark?"

Steve laughed, "He packs a good punch, surprised the hell out of me. This bruise is already healing. Doctor Dean was sure surprised."

"I'm sorry, Steve," Ellie sighed as she sat down heavily at the table.

"Don't worry about it. I think it's funny. Grant is strong," Steve told her, "Go get your plate, then you can tell me about your day."

Ellie got up, went into the kitchen, grabbed her plate from the oven, and carefully carried it to the dining room.

She kissed the top of each kids' Head as she sat down at the table, "So… other than your eye…" Ellie trailed off as she tried not to laugh.

Steve rolled his eyes, "Go ahead, laugh."

"Oh, I wish Bucky were here. He would laugh his ass off," Ellie chuckled, "Anyways… sorry, how'd the appointment go?"

"She said that Grant and Sarah could start branching out what they eat. I told her about Grant trying to steal my steak. She said as long as they are well cooked and in tiny pieces, introduce them to a wide range of food early is the best way to go," Steve said, "So what was this about a patent?"

Ellie sighed as she chewed her first bite, "Samsung is trying to say that they have a similar device also pending patent, and they are accusing us of stealing their idea."

"Who submitted the documents first?" Steve asked.

Ellie grinned, "We did, but it is still the mess of going through that process. Oh, I got a phone call today too."

"About?" Steve asked, cutting more food for Sarah.

"From Hank. He asked me to come to see him at the school he is at," Ellie told him, "I thought it was in Canada or something, but it's only like 30 minutes away."

"When are you going?" Steve asked.

"I will probably be late coming home tomorrow. I think I'll work from the compound tomorrow instead of downtown. I'll teleconference, then I'll drive down there before heading home," Ellie told him, taking a sip of water, "It's just heading home on the East side of the river than the West."

Steve nodded as Sarah threw her cup, "Come on, honey, don't do that."

Ellie cut up more chicken for Grant, and he smiled a sweet potato-covered grin, "Tanks," He said as he stuffed more in his mouth.

Ellie kissed his forehead then went back to her food.

*~*~* June 25, 2019- West Chester, New York *~*~*

Turning off the main road as instructed by the GPS, Ellie took in the rolling hills and the green space that made her smile. Pulling up to the gate of the address Hank had given her, she saw a large sign at the entrance.

"Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters," Ellie read on the sign as she hit the button on the intercom.

Suddenly a person appeared next to her in a flash of blue, causing her to jump, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Who are you here for?" The being asked.

"I'm here to see Dr. Hank McCoy. I'm Ellie Barnes," Ellie told the blue man.

"Come on in," He told her as he disappeared and the gates opened.

Ellie shook her head and drove up the driveway. Parking at the circle in the middle of the driveway, Ellie grabbed her purse and got out as the front door opened.

"Ellie! I'm glad you could come. Come on in," Hank said as he stood at the front door welcoming her.

Ellie followed him inside, and once inside, kids walked by. Some were of various colors, and some appeared normal. There were two with tails that she saw, as the man from earlier reappeared.

"Drinks? Water? Soda?" He asked.

"Kurt, don't scare her like that. Would you like a drink?" Hank asked Ellie.

"Sure, a water-" Ellie said as he immediately disappeared, then reappeared with water, "Thank you."

"No problem," He said with a smile as he disappeared again.

"He goes by Nightcrawler. He is beneficial to the team," Hank said as she followed him.

"I'd say, being able to pop in and out of places," Ellie said.

"He has to know what his destination looks like," Hank explained as Ellie took in the different faces coming and going through the halls.

Ellie nodded, "I get it. I have to remember the time I want to visit."

Hank knocked on a door, "Professor?"

"Come in."

Hank opened the door, and a man in a wheelchair moved around the desk to them, "Charles Xavier, I'd like you to meet Ellie Barnes."

"Mrs. Barnes, it is a pleasure to meet you," He said as he shook her hand, "Please have a seat."

Ellie followed Hank to sit down in front of Charles Xavier's desk.

"I asked Hank to bring you here because I am interested in your abilities," Charles told her, "We have a… friend with similar abilities, but a majority of her powers were given to her by a space force."

"Hydra had a hand in mine," Ellie told him.

"Yes, I know," Xavier said with a sigh, "We have a friend that was affected by Hydra as well."

"Really?" Ellie asked, surprised as she looked at Hank.

"Logan, he is a fellow mutant. Hydra hunted him down, and they took his memory away after coating his bones in adamantium," Hank explained.

Ellie sighed, "Records showed they wanted to use that on Bucky's arm, but they settled for Titanium."

"It is heavy. He would have toppled over from the weight," Charles told her surprised, "Logan can be in pain often."

"What do you need from me?" Ellie asked.

"I have abilities. I want to try to help you to use them and possibly expand your gifts," Charles explained.

Ellie looked at Hank then back to Charles, "What do you mean exactly?"

"From what Hank has told me that your abilities are… new, unknown to even you in aspects. I am just offering you the possibility of expanding them," Charles told her.

"How?" Ellie asked him.

Charles rolled himself around the desk in front of her, "It is as simple as me touching your head."

Ellie stared at him, "Does it hurt?"

"It may cause some emotional pain or discomfort, but physical pain it should not," Charles told her.

"When do you want to do it?" Ellie asked.

"I can do it right now. It is simple," Charles told her.

Ellie bit her lip and looked at him, then Hank, "What you see… stays between us."

"Of course," Charles said, "Do I have your permission?"

Ellie nodded tentatively.

Charles rolled closer so that their knees were almost touching and put his hands on either side of her head. Taking two fingers from each hand, he touched them to her temples.

Suddenly a blur of images flashed before her eyes of them growing up, her and Steve, Bucky and her, the kids. New images as if they were photographs that she did not remember started to flash.

Images such as Ellie on the side of a field, watching kids run across a soccer field. Then she was sitting next to Steve, watching tiny ballerinas attempt to dance on a stage. Next, a man handing her a highly technological-looking prostetic as he smiled at her.

Ellie caught a brief glimpse of the Hulk, standing in front of her in clothing instead of shirtless. Then Steve standing before her at their house with Bucky next to him as they hugged.

She gasped as she saw Bucky walking out of their bathroom with short hair. Finally, a young girl walking to her with a baby in her arms and a whole room of people looking at her. Who looked like her and Bucky.

Suddenly everything in front of her changed. It was devastation; fire, dead bodies, destruction, and she felt her body hovering in the air as everything below her burned.

"No!" Ellie screamed as she was suddenly back in Xavier's office, and Hank was helping Charles up.

Charles looked at her in awe, "You forced me out."

"I… we can't know too much about the future," Ellie told her, shaking as images of the utter destruction flashed in front of her eyes, and she shook her head, attempting to erase them from her memory.

"That last flash of memory, you were becoming the Phoenix?" Charles asked.

"I've… I've never had to use my powers to that point," Ellie told him, shaking her head, "I… I don't want to know why I have to," Ellie said as she stood up, "I appreciate you trying to help me, but… there are things I saw that I don't want to be changed. That is part of my gift that I have to live with as part of my life. If I know the future, I could change it. Even if what happens in that future were to happen and I were to use the knowledge that I saw into the future to change it. I could make it worse. I have to live with that every day. So yes, I appreciate you trying to help me gain strength in my abilities, but I am not interested at this time. I do not want to see any farther into my future. There are too many things for me to lose."

"If you change your mind, I am here," Charles told her.

Ellie nodded.

"I'll walk you out," Hank told her as he glanced at Charles then led her out of the office.

Walking her to her car, Steve stood back as she climbed in the driver's seat, "Are you okay to drive? Was the future that bad?"

Ellie sighed as she started her car, "Hopefully, that future will change."

*~*~* July 5, 2019- Irvington, New York *~*~*

Ellie sat next to the small campfire as the embers burned, giving off a fading glow in their backyard as she pulled her sweater close to her. Occasionally a firework would pop in the distance, but the night was relatively quiet other than the crickets serenading her.

Glancing back at the house, she saw Steve opened the sliding door then shut it behind him as he walked out onto the back terrace then down the steps onto the grass barefoot.

"What are you still doing out here?" Steve asked.

"Just thinking," Ellie said as he sat in the chair next to her, "Why aren't you asleep?"

"Nat's passed out. For a 101-year-old man, I'm not tired," Steve told her.

Ellie nodded as she looked back at the embers.

"What is wrong, Ellie?" Steve asked softly.

Ellie looked over at him in the darkness. She knew his eyes adjusted to the dark but that he couldn't see the contrasts that she could, "Nothing, Steve. I'm fine."

"No, you aren't. You haven't been since you went to see Hank. What happened?" Steve asked.

Ellie swallowed hard as she looked at the starry night sky above her, "The X-Men… that group that Hank is part of, their leader is a man by the name of Charles Xavier. He can see into people's minds. From what Hank told him about me, he thought he could help me expand my abilities."

Steve frowned, "What do you mean expand?"

"To see into the future," Ellie told him.

"And you did," Steve said.

Ellie nodded.

"It wasn't good, was it?" Steve asked.

Ellie blinked back the tears, "Grant plays soccer, the girls take ballet… I saw a young girl with a baby. I saw Bucky and us, here at home," Ellie said as her voice broke, "Then I saw utter destruction," Ellie squeezed her eyes shut, trying to push the images that had haunted her since she had seen them away, "Death… destruction and me… going full Phoenix… I mean white light. Blinding white. I, what if I cause it? Cause that level of devastation?"

"God Ellie," Steve said as he knelt in front of her and took her hands, "What if you are saving people from it? You don't know. That is why you said that you shouldn't see the future."

Ellie looked at Steve as a tear slid down her cheek, "All I can see is Peter… Peter Parker," She swallowed hard as she remembered the one face she could recognize clearly from the horrible memory, "Spiderman. Beaten up and bleeding, staring up at me in fear. What if he was afraid of me because I hurt him?"

Steve took her hand, "We won't let that happen, the future hasn't happened… we can change it," Steve told her, "Whatever that was… we will make sure it never happens. Even if it was you saving him."

"I'm so tired, Steve," Ellie sobbed as he pulled her into his arms, "I just want him back."

*~*~* July 6, 2019- Irvington, New York *~*~*

Steve walked into the family room to see Ellie staring at the TV, more like she was lost in thought than watching it.

Her head fell forward as she closed her eyes and sighed, "El."

Ellie looked up at him, "Hey Steve, I put the kids to sleep. Nat left?"

Steve nodded as he walked over to her, "Ellie, go upstairs… take a nap… go see Bucky… just go do something for you. Take a bath even."

Ellie put her face in her hands, "I don't know if I can visit him. I don't know if I can turn my brain off to sleep to do that."

"Just go try to relax. If you can't, I'm calling your therapist," Steve told her.

"No, no… I'll go," Ellie said, closing her eyes and sighing as she stood up.

Before she knew it, she found herself in bed, wondering how she had gotten up there. Lying on her back, she reached over for her Bucky pillow and hugged it to her.

Closing her eyes, she thought back to a day when they sat together in Wakanda.

She inhaled deeply and opened her eyes, looking at Bucky then Natasha sleeping in the chair, still pregnant.

"That's not trying to take a nap," Bucky told her with a slight smile.

Ellie looked up at him, "It's me."

"Oh," Bucky said as he looked over at the sleeping Natasha, "Hey, baby."

She laid back against his chest, "God, I wish I could just sleep here… with you," Ellie told him as she closed her eyes, trying not to cry, "But I'll wake up there, not here. All I want is one good night's rest in your arms."

"You okay?" Bucky asked, rubbing her back, "When is it now?"

"I'm exhausted, Buck," Ellie told him, shaking her head, trying not to let him hear the pain in her voice, "There isn't enough of me to go around. I can't run a billion-dollar tech company and raise kids and stay sane. I just can't. It's July 2019 now."

"Steve is there, right?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah, he watches Grant when he can for me. Between the two of us and Nat, someone is always available for the kids, but it sucks because it shouldn't be this hard," Ellie told him, "I sold our cabin… I have yet to be to it since everything happened. Pepper and Tony bought it."

"At least someone we know will get it," Bucky told her, rubbing her back.

"Tony has big plans for it already," Ellie said, shaking her head, trying to shake away the drowsiness, "Pepper just wants it as a place for them to retire and get a break."

Bucky frowned, "Is Tony retired?"

"Yeah… they all are basically. Natasha is running the Avengers, but there have thankfully been no more alien events or no need for assistance anywhere. The whole world is still trying to find its footing after everything. The crime was pretty high right after because people were looting, but for the most part, everyone was pretty civil and helping the survivors," Ellie told him as she yawned, "Pepper is trying to lead the Stark Relief Foundation, but it's so much bigger than all of us."

Bucky frowned, "El… was this a global attack?" Bucky asked.

Ellie sat up and glanced at Natasha, who was thankfully still asleep, "Buck… it was a galaxy-wide attack. Not just our planet was affected, it was everywhere."

"Shit," Bucky said in shock as Natasha opened her eyes, "Nat."

Ellie smiled at her, "Hey Nat, have a good nap?"

"I heard everything," Natasha told her, staring at her.

Ellie sighed, thinking of the vision of the future Xavier saw, "I figured. Look, all we can do is our best and pray to God that somehow you guys can change things. I can't tell you how everything goes down. I wish I could, but things could go majorly wrong, and more people could die."

"There is nowhere to escape, is there?" Natasha asked her.

"No, there isn't," Ellie told her, "But Sarah is beautiful. You are teaching her some ballet already. It's adorable even though she is toddling around."

Natasha smiled as she rubbed her belly, "Things go well?"

"Well, you get the traditional birth in a hospital, so I was a little jealous of that," Ellie told her as Bucky put his arm around her, "But overall, things go well. Nalia gets to deliver her, with no disease outbreaks. You are fine, and she is fine."

Natasha sighed in relief, "Steve and I have been anxious. So I am glad to hear that."

"Oh, and just warning you… Steve is Mr. Overprotective," Ellie said with a grin, "For both of you. I think you ended up threatening to shoot him at one point because he wouldn't leave you alone once you were released."

"I could see Steve being that way," Natasha said with a smile.

Ellie looked at Bucky sadly, "I better go… poor Steve can't handle all the kids at once, and I need a damn nap."

Natasha frowned, "Where am I?"

Ellie looked at her, "Chasing down a lead to something. A lot has changed, Nat."

Bucky took her hand then pulled her close, kissing the top of her head, "Come visit for your birthday and leave a note before you do. I'll talk to you about a longer visit."

"I love you," Ellie told him as she kissed him.

Bucky smiled against her lips, "I love you too."

She laid back down against him, and he held her until her body relaxed. When her eyes opened, the sun was starting to set, and she felt refreshed for once. She sighed as she pushed herself up.

a/n3: Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing. I'm going to throw something out here, as I want your opinions. The story is getting long but it was written in parts. I've been writing this story since 2018, and since I have been back in school again, my writing style has changed. I have been contemplating going back and splitting up the story into multiple stories. Creating a series from multiple stories. I am just trying to help you guys with the readability. I may wait until the end, then go back as well. It was just something I thought I'd throw out there :)

To the reviews:

PrettyRecklessLaura: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

guest: I appreciate your review. I know you are eager to get to EndGames, but there are things that have to fall into place prior to Endgame happening. Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Preview of Chapter 106- Talking to the Moon

Wiping her eyes, she got out of bed and walked down to Natasha and Steve's room.

As if he heard her, the door opened, "El? What's wrong?" Steve asked, concerned.

"I need help," Ellie admitted as she cried into his chest.

Steve held her to him, "Anything, just tell me."