AN: Thank you all for the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
It had been more than a month since Hermione had last seen her youngest godchild. Despite her attempts to hide her pain, there were brief moments when her eyes betrayed her desire to see James again. The pictures Luna sent were no substitute for interacting with the child.
They were an even lesser substitute speaking with James' father.
A few years ago, Severus would have considered attempting to fill the hole the Potters left himself. He would have attempted to persuade her that he was all she needed, and hope their love was enough to get them through life. This strategy would be futile though. There were experiences Harry and her shared which Severus did not wish to understand. They had inside jokes Severus would never find humorous, experiences he had no part in, and knew aspects of each other they would show nobody else. In short, Harry and Hermione were the kind of friends Lily and him had once been, only their friendship had matured, not withered, over the years.
If Severus wasn't careful, Hermione was in danger of losing that connection. Harry had apologized, but she was still musing over the situation. Perhaps she feared losing Severus if she reconciled with Harry. If that was the case he would need to convince her that he would never leave, nor would he ever put himself in a position where she would need to choose between him and Harry. She shouldn't have to sacrifice anything to be with Severus, save a little of her time.
"You look pensive this morning." She yawned.
He hummed and turned to her.
"Care to share what is on your mind?"
"I do not know if my thoughts are appropriate to share with you so early in the morning."
"What thoughts?"
He twisted his lower lip.
"What exactly aren't you telling me?" She sat up.
"Why haven't you and Harry reconciled yet?" He asked in a soft voice.
"I've already told you, it's because I'm not ready to forgive him."
"Is that it?"
"Do I need another reason not to reconcile with him other than I'm not ready?"
"Of course not," he said. "I just thought you'd miss him given how close you two were."
"I am too busy working through what happened to miss him too much."
"Are you too busy to miss James?"
There was a flash of pain at the sound of the infant's name.
"I fear that if I am preventing you from reconciling with him, I am not being a supportive lover."
"You aren't preventing me from reconciling with him." She said.
"I feel as if I may be though."
"Why would you feel that way?"
"Because you are Potter argued about me. Things would not be horrid between you if I had not come into your life."
"How many times do I have to tell you that you've improved things?"
"I know I have, and you have improved my existence. I just don't want it to be at the expense of everything else."
She bit her lower lip.
"Relationships should enhance one's life, not dominate them at the expense of other things."
"You are enhancing my life."
"Yes, and you have more than enhanced my afterlife." His glow was yellow. "Still, you must admit that it's been some time since you and Harry have spoken."
She lowered her head.
"It leads me to wonder, what is stopping you from reconciling with him?"
A tense moment fell between them. Severus glanced down at Hermione, wishing he could raise her chin and see the whirlwind of emotions playing in her eyes. Perhaps he would have some idea of how to proceed if he could just read her. As it was, he was the spy who could decipher Voldemort's every move, yet was hopeless in helping his female lover. There was an irony in there somewhere.
"Do you promise not to be upset with me?" Her voice was almost too soft to hear.
"I promise."
She met his eyes. "I'm afraid of dealing with you."
He raised an eyebrow.
"When Harry and I reconcile fully, he will want to speak with you." She began. "I don't know what he will say, or what kinds of questions he will have for us."
"Do you think he will despise you because of me?" His glow lessened.
"I don't think so, but I know he'll want to speak with you. The only way he could do that is through me." She swallowed.
"Do you feel up to being our go-between?"
"Honestly?"
"No, lie to me."
"I'm being serious here," she said.
"Fine, what is your fear."
"I'm terrified of messing things up."
"How could you mess anything up." He floated closer to her.
"If he asks about our relationship, I may feel the need to defend myself. I could wind up arguing with him without giving you a chance to speak. Conversely, he may think I'm making up what you say."
"If he thinks that is the case then he wasn't as sincere as not thinking you were crazy as we thought."
"I know, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't think I was crazy. It doesn't change the fact though that I sometimes struggle to stay out of my own way. I am terrified of messing up."
"You will not mess up."
"I know you have confidence in me, but there's a lot at stake here," she began. "For one, there's your eternal salvation. If this reconciliation goes awry, they may believe the program isn't working. What if I put the program in jeopardy because I say the wrong things?"
"First of all, you could never put the program in jeopardy."
Her eyes betrayed her doubt.
"My salvation is mine, and mine alone. You are in no way responsible for it."
"But…"
He silenced her with a kiss on the forehead. "I am not your responsibility."
She closed her mouth.
"Second of all, you have been dealing with Potter for years, and you have done a decent job of handling me these last few months. Given how well you know us, I would not be too concerned about your ability to mediate between us."
"So you have faith in me?"
"I believe you will exceed my wildest expectations."
Her lips quirked up.
"I suspect Harry hasn't contacted you because he wants to give you time to process everything," Severus answered. "I would imagine he is just as torn up about all this as you are, and just as eager for a reconciliation."
"Yes," she said. "At least, that's what he indicated in the letter he gave me after Cormac was found insane."
"Then I would suggest writing him soon."
"How soon?"
"As soon as you feel ready," he said.
"How will I know when I'm ready?"
"You are the only person who can determine that.."
"I really miss James." She relaxed. "The sooner I see him, the better."
"I'm sure he misses his godmother."
"I don't want James around when we talk," she continued. "Still, if we see him beforehand and ask Luna to leave before Harry talks to you, that could work."
"I'm sure she would be more than willing to accommodate you."
"That being said," there was a mischievous gleam in her eyes. "I'm not ready to write him just yet."
"Oh?"
"There are a couple of things I need to do first."
"Like what?" His glow brightened.
"Like kiss you." She brushed her lips against his essence.
"Is that as far as you want to take it?" He purred.
"No," she took him into his arms, allowing their essences to fuse once more.
Sirius had given up hope of hearing a positive response to his request. There was no point in dwelling on his disappointment for too long though. There were other, more productive things, he could be doing.
He sat on the sofa, doing his best to absorb the lessons of De Anima. So far, the souls described in the book were nothing like he'd encountered in the afterlife. For rational beings who only contemplated philosophy, there was a lot of non rational fusing in the afterlife. Perhaps that was for the best though. As much as Sirius was beginning to appreciate philosophy, he didn't know if he wanted to do this for the next thousand years, much less all of eternity. Aristotle may have found contemplation fun, but Sirius needed more out of his afterlife. A few adventures would be nice. Perhaps he could teach some angels a few pranks, just to liven the place up. There would be no more tree hangings, but a whoopee cushion made of clouds could provide a little fun.
"They said yes."
Sirius startled and poked his head up from the book.
"The Trinity accepted your request, and will allow you to appear to Harry in a dream, under the condition that you make some attempt to help in his reconciliation with Severus," St. Peter leaned against his golden cane and smiled. "If it's clear that you are making no effort to help him reconcile with Severus, you will be transported to heaven and he will forget seeing you."
"That's good news," Sirius set the book down.
"You don't look as enthused as I thought you would be."
"No, I'm enthused," Sirius' glow intensified. "I just wonder what took them so long to reach their verdict."
"They wanted a few things to fall into place before making a final decision."
"Shouldn't they already know what's going to happen?"
"The Trinity deals in probabilities. They know what's the most likely to happen and how each action could interact with that. They wanted to see what was most likely and what was needed."
"But how does being all-knowing mean they only deal in probabilities?"
"What do you mean?"
"If the Trinity knows everything, they should know it beyond the shadow of a doubt. That implies more than a probability though."
"I see you're becoming more philosophical," St. Pete smirked.
"It's not like there's anything else to do." Sirius shrugged.
"True, but it is difficult to think about you contemplating Platonic forms or how being omniscient vs free will plays out."
"I'm just bored. The second I find something more interesting to do, I'll do that."
"You do seem like the kind of person who wouldn't enjoy simply reading eternity anyway." St. Pete stroked his beard.
"No," Sirius said. "But it beats sitting in a room watching my life play over and over again."
"I would imagine."
The gleam in St. Pete's eyes was unnerving. He had something in mind, but for the afterlife of him, Sirius had no clue what it could be. Did he want to know?
"Anyway, I will give you a day's notice when you are to come down and appear to Harry in a dream," St. Pete said.
"Why can't you tell me now? Or…" Sirius' glow flickered. "Probabilities have to play out."
"And Metatron said you were incapable of learning." The gleam in St. Pete's eyes brightened .
"On earth he would've been right, but in the afterlife I'm better at remembering what was said to me five minutes ago."
"Yes, you are."
In an instant, St. Pete disappeared, leaving Sirius to contemplate the one thing he'd neglected to fully consider when he'd made this request.
What do I say to Harry?