Regard gold like stone. Part II
Choi Young walked around like a rainy cloud set over his head. He was half listening to the reports of his subordinates and could not focus on the documents he had to review. He ransacked his home library for any books that alleged to the particular expression his father willed him. He perused scriptures, which Dae Jung studied at his father's urging and then looked at other literature of historical accounts and even poetry. None held the key to the question that bothered him deeply: how can such young children hold such great understanding of something he had only been told at fifteen? Sure, the Buddhist teachings touched on the topic, but to have a firm grasp on the concept one needed to have read through many pages, which did not spell out the conclusion. And his daughter? That child was not much into reading or studying. She was smart, but running around, getting into fights and causing all kinds of imaginable and unimaginable trouble did not lead her to miraculously gain such insights into human existence. Lost at last, he left for solitary meditation.
He wondered in the gardens, his hands behind his back, his eyes focused inward.
"Choi Young!" A familiar voice sounded next to him.
"Chona." He bowed absentmindedly toward the sound.
Gongmin was seating on a low bench right by the passage where Choi Young was walking. He was painting the blooming flowers, which were abundant in the garden during the summer, his brushes and paints carefully arranged next to a stand, holding the canvas.
"You must have been really preoccupied not to notice a person sitting," the king observed.
"And you must be really preoccupied not to notice the absence of your guards," retorted Choi Young with irritation.
"I personally dismissed them once I saw you approach. I believe I am in safe hands with you," friendly smiled Gongmin.
"It was not wise. And I'm not here to guard you. As you know my duties take me elsewhere. There are plenty of ..."
"Well trained officers that you personally selected so that I can entrust my life to them without second thought," recited Gongmin lazily. "I heard the speech before, my friend."
"It seems that everyone is in the mood to point out my inadequacies and show their wisdom. I would consider it mocking, if only for my lack of imagination," Choi Young muttered to himself.
Gongmin ignored the strange comment, knowing that it was safer to be deaf, than be caught on the edge of the General's sword, so to say. "Join me." He patted an empty space next to him.
Choi Young did not hide a groan of annoyance, but took a seat.
After five minutes of silence, when Choi Young continued to stare into the horizon and Gongmin study a particularly large specimen of peony he was painting, the king lost his nerve. "So, how is family?" He asked.
"They are well. Thank you. And how is the Queen?"
"She is well also."
"Is there anything troubling you General, I would like to humbly offer my attentive ear."
"Mocking again," calmly noted Choi Young. "Is it something in the air?"
"I am not in a habit of mocking you."
"I know, Chona, this is of my own doing." The man half smiled. "It's just I had a very peculiar experience today with my kids and I'm at loss." Choi Young appreciated that sometimes talking to the king was easier than others. He actually was a good listener and despite his many shortcomings and insecurities was a smart man who provided helpful advice.
"I wanted to discuss with them a matter of importance." He already made a mistake of having a long a complicated lecture on the subject matter; he was not going to waste another hour to drive his point home. "As you know, I come from a prominent family of means. I never lacked for anything, but my father made sure I learned that money could be the most dangerous and sly enemy of all, luring one to a false sense of security and blurring one's vision. When you are blinded by the shine of gold, it is easy to find yourself stray from the path you set on and you might continue to stumble in the wrong direction till you completely lost your way."
Choi Young glanced at the king to make sure he did not step over the line in his self-rightness that suddenly seemed more like boasting in front of his monarch. "I don't want to offend you with my beliefs. I am not talking about you."
Gongmin's eyes brightened. "Don't worry. How can I be offended? Everything I have comes with my birthright and my position. I will speak freely to you as a friend."
"Of course, you Majesty."
"There are many who envy me, yet you never covet what others desire. I will reluctantly admit that I, the King envy you, Choi Young. And I wish sometimes I could live my life by simple code like you. I have learned to expect bluntness and honesty coming from you and I appreciate when you share your opinions."
The corners of Choi Young's mouth lifted slightly. "I am glad my words won't hurt you. I spoke to my children about this matter today. They did not care much for my prepared speech. In fact, they seemed to have grasped the subject matter so well without my assistance, they put all my efforts to shame."
"And why is upsetting to you?"
"Because I am their father. It is my place to teach them values. I spent at least half of their lives away, maybe even more, while Imja was taking care of them. The woman loves pretty and expensive things, believe me."
Gongmin's face reflected recognition. High Doctor was the one running around the palace collecting celadon vases because they were supposed to cost a fortune in Heaven.
"When I first met her, she loved money so much..." Choi Young stopped himself. Aspiring plastic surgeon from Gangnam he met years ago has changed so much since then. Yet, she stayed the same, brave, kind, loving, fierce and ever so clumsy. The fragile Heavenly doctor survived death threats, poisoning, kidnapping, was forced to stay where she did not belong. That woman who sacrificed everything, her life, her dreams, her family for him... That woman... His woman... "Your highness, thank you for the talk. It was the most enlightening. I apologize, but I have to go."
Before Gongmin had a chance to respond, the General already turned the corner and was gone. The king sighed. He did not even had a chance to say what he wanted to: to give Choi Young a complement on being a good father and demonstrate respect for his values... He wanted to tell him that despite all the gold and all the riches, he did not have one thing that Choi Young had – children, and that he would give everything in the world to have a full family, that... and his Queen healthy and happy. But he could not have both. He could barely keep one of those wishes alive, every day - a struggle.
Gongmin picked up his brush, his eyes clouded with deep sadness. He dipped the brush into the paint, his stroke with precision and grace letting color saturate the surface. His hand stilled above the canvas, and he stared intently at the brush, staring back at him like an eye filled with dark inky tears; a drop gathered on the tip of the long lashes, growing in size till its weight separated it from the thin hair, then another one hung losing its balance, then the next one. One after another tiny droplets began landing onto his bright orange tunic, leaving ugly sad puddles. He did not bother to wipe them, like he did not bother to wipe his bitter tears leaving blots on the ruined petals of the life-like peonies.