I do not own anything except my OCs. WARNING: Randomness dank memes, cringe and grammar mistakes.
Chapter 111: Scott the Woz compilation 1
"What's next, Nova?" Ruby said.
"For now, let's stick to video games. Let's watch some Scott the Woz." Nova said.
"Who's that?"
*record scratch*
"What?"
"What?"
"You don't know who Scott is? The guy who talks about stupid Nintendo games?"
"Is he that famous?" Jaune said.
"... Okay, everyone in a line."
"Why?" Yang said.
"Just do it.". They all got up and in a line. Nova then slapped them all at once. "Sit down!"
"Why the rest of us?! We don't even care!" Weiss said.
"SIT DOWN!". Everyone sat down in fear.
"Is it me or he's becoming more toxic?" Blake whispered.
"Wasn't he already toxic?" Yang whispered.
"Better not say anything." Pyrrha whispered. Nova then started the video.
Chia Pet
Scott: Hey y'all, Scott here. Happy Cyber Wednesday! The first Wednesday after Cyber Monday, the official holiday for all things me! Cyber Monday is all about deals, deals, and regret. And Cyber Wednesday is when we all take a moment to reflect on those three things.
"I wish we also had holidays about deals. Would've been really nice." Weiss said.
(After Cyber Monday)
Scott: (holding a box of Play-Doh) Ah f*ck...
(End of flashback)
Scott: Mostly regret.
"What did he buy?" Jaune said.
"Clay. For kids." Nova said.
"Just for a joke?" Ren said.
Scott: Cyber Monday is the Monday after Black Friday, two holidays based around people buying the items stores desperately want to get rid of. (holds tons of videogames) I never said I didn't like it.
"Look how many games he bought!" Ruby said.
"And all of them in one day? What kind of deals do they have?" Yang said.
Scott: See, Black Friday and Cyber Monday are fundamentally the same thing, but on different days. This year, the Cyber Monday deals were pretty much the same as the Black Friday ones. The Ash Wednesday deals were terrible this year, so I was really looking forward to these days. Look at this, we have all these fun deals on Play-Doh; that was a fun thing to click "buy" on,-
They laughed a little.
Scott: - but it doesn't make me feel complete. We all know the only reason to buy a lot of stuff is because we're bored and haven't spent money in a while, so the best possible thing to buy would be something that affects my life in a positive and fulfilling way. While there aren't any adoption deals going on, I was looking for some deals at the hospital this year. This gunshot wound is really starting to piss me off.
They all laughed.
"The joke was bad... he said it so naturally..." Blake said.
"The execution was great." Yang said.
"Wait, adoptions cost?" Nora said.
Scott: But that's when I saw it, a deal, and a pet? That covers most of what I want out of my offspring, let's do it! (After the purchase) So, while we wait for that to get delivered, I will watch every single chia pet commercial available on YouTube to know exactly what I'm in store for.
"Why would you buy chia pets? It's just grass in a funny pot." Weiss said.
"Yeah, it doesn't compare to a real pet." Ruby said.
"Also, people watch these before they buy the thing." Yang said.
(Two days later)
Scott: ...Did you know there was a chia bull?
(doorbell rings)
(Scott places the chia pet on the table.)
Scott: Here we have the newest addition to the family... Lincoln. I'm cool with Lincoln, could never tell a lie, wooden teeth. I've always liked him, ever since I learned about Lincoln in school, I was like, "heh, this guy's pretty cool. I want to grow one.". Look at him, you just want to see him with grass in his skull. So we have to soak the chia in water. Regardless of the method, it feels like I'm drowning or waterboarding him, so I'm just gonna give him a bath.
They laughed a little.
"Why was that funny?" Ruby giggled.
Scott: Now we got to spread these chia seeds. I ran out of them halfway through, I panicked and used chili for the rest. It's all the same in the end.
"Oh my god, look how he ruined it." Pyrrha said.
Scott: So we've got to keep watering Lincoln to keep the chia healthy and growing for the next one to two weeks. I can't wait that long! I have a Lincoln to raise, I don't want to wait for it to grow! So I looked up some advanced chia pet techniques. All we need is some gloves and a hammer, we put the gloves on, take the hammer and swi- (breaks the chia pet) ...Damnit!
They all laughed.
"What did he expect?" Blake said.
Scott: Okay... (The article was "How to brake a chia pet".) This article name is starting to make a little more sense now.
Some of them facepalmed.
Scott: Well, Lincoln, we had a good run. Your time has come and it's time to send you off like any other pet (in the toilet).
"In the toilet, really?" Jaune said, trying to hold his giggles.
Scott: What better way to mourn the loss of a loved one than to fully replace them? (Places another one on the table.) I bought a backup. A hedgehog. Look at him. I can't wait to be a better Lincoln dad to him. (Takes it to the park, to the swing.) I won't kill him, I'll treat him like any pet should be treated. (It breaks.)
They all laughed.
"Well, back to the store!" Nora said.
Scott: I have a unicorn now. A new chia pet means a new packet of chia seeds, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to pour some on my head to live a day in their shoes. It's gonna be great, I'm gonna feel s- (steps on it and breaks)
"Again?!" Weiss said.
Scott: Three pets died and my foot hurts today, but, I have one last shot to make things right, because I will start to raise Daniel, from Karate Ki- (drops it and breaks) for f*cks sake.
They all laughed again.
Scott: So, I realized I may not be cut out to be a father. I've tried the whole treat an egg like a child for a day thing, but you can't spread chia seeds on those. But, I did take out life insurance on the pets and now I can cash that out and afford a trip to the doctor! Just for a little check-up, you know, my foot hurts, that gunshot wound. You know, just the basics.
(One call after a doctor visit later)
Scott: The chia seeds gave me a yeast infection on my head.
"Wait, what?!" Yang said and then started laughing with the rest.
"That sounded weird." Pyrrha said.
"Okay, next one." Nova said.
Homecoming
(7 years ago)
Scott: Hey y'all, Scott here. And tonight's the big homecoming dance! Not to brag or anything, but I'm gonna get LAID!
"Did anyone get laid at the Fall dance?" Yang said.
"How would we know?" Weiss said.
"If someone did, let's hope that he didn't get caught by Goodwitch." Blake said.
(7 years later)
Scott: Hey y'all, Scott here. And tonight was the big night 7 years ago! Not to brag or anything, but I wish I got laid!
They laughed a little.
Scott: Yeah, I know what time of year it is; I've been to Target. Back to school season is in full swing; as in it's no longer back to school, it's just school.
"Man, you would see the ads on TV and they would ruin your mood, meaning that summer is over." Yang said.
Scott: That means school dances are back, everybody. A collaboration between pop music, hormones and wasting money. The school dance is defined as the concept of dimming the lights in a school gym, hiring a underpaid DJ to play; dear god anything but "Low" by Flo Rida, and forcing children to show up at a school at night and sweat for three hours.
"That's a... kinda bad way to describe it." Jaune said.
"Finally, someone who understands me!" Ruby said.
"Ruby, you're still too young, you wouldn't understand." Yang said.
Scott: You'd reach for your nearest JcPenny dress shirt, pay 10 whole dollars to stand in the school auditorium on the weekend, and assume that... "This was it". This was the night you totally experienced what it's like to... score. And then you realized, "Oh yeah, I'm 15! I'll just stand and do nothing for the most of the dance."
They all laughed.
"Oh my gosh, it's so true!" Ruby said.
Scott: *quick sigh* Yeah, these were great... and by great, I mean sweaty. School dances started for me in middle school. These would be before the school football games, and were labeled as... "casual dances". There were many looks I would go for with these dances; usually striking a balance between wearing a polo and jeans, and pure fear. These weren't anything major at all; I wasn't expecting the world from these. But when high school came into the picture and dress shirts were involved, "Oh sh*t, it's happening!". A few school dances were held throughout the year, but the first big one was the Homecoming Dance, and this was it. Homecoming week; There'd be the big school football game, a pep rally during classes, which yeah okay, education is tossed to the side for 30 minutes dedicated to watching the marching band blow a f*cking gasket in the gym. And then the Saturday night of that week, the big dance would be held, and... and kids would smoke and drink before and after it.
"Wow, it's a bit different from our dances." Jaune said.
"Yeah, no one smokes here." Nora said.
"With that logic, there should be a dance happening after the Vytal Festival." Weiss said.
Scott: No, thank you! You see, I prefer just questioning why a lot of seniors in high school were taking freshman. What the hell was going on there? You see, a big part of homecoming was asking somebody on a date. All you had to do was grab a posterboard, think of somw pun, and ask 'em out. It was all about flashiness over function with those things. As long as you were memorable and had a pun involved...
(He enters, holding a sign that said "You butter go to the homecoming with me", and butter.)
They all laughed, but Yang the most.
"I'm sold!" Yang said while laughing.
"This might be the first time I laugh at a pun!" Blake said.
"At least it's better than the way Jaune asked me." Weiss said.
"Can we not talk about it?" Jaune said.
Scott: ...Nobody cared. I personally am not really thrilled with how I spent homecoming. I felt like I was supposed to be getting a kiss or a gift card or something. I felt like I wasn't doing what I was supposed to be doing. Instead, I usually went home early and just started to count how many copies of Premium Rush that I own.
"Why would you buy three copies of a movie?" Weiss said.
Scott: THAT'S why I wanna throw my own homecoming dance. One that doesn't have the pressure of trying to get laid. One that's open to EVERYBODY!
"Now that's a dance I would go." Ruby said.
"Sounds kinda lame." Yang said.
(Lodges a poorly made sign into the ground, which falls. He enters the room where the dance would be held at.)
Scott: Pretty nice venue, right? I scored it on a Labor Day sale; fourteen grand instead of fifteen.
"He rented a space just for this video?" Pyrrha said.
"That's dedication." Ren said. Yang was giggling.
"You butter go..." she said and laughed again.
Scott: My goal is to make the greatest homecoming dance ever with just as much no sex as I remember. But I can't do it al myself, which is why we hired a professional planner!
Funeral planner: Sir, you won't regret your choice. With me planning, this will be the best funeral ever.
Scott: Son of a bitch...
They laughed a little.
Scott: A great homecoming dance doesn't require just blood, sweat and tears. Just sweat and tears.
"Can't we just keep the sweat only?" Ruby said.
Scott: That's why I'm going to great lengths to ensure this is going to be the greatest one ever! I turned my car into a walking advertisement for the dance.
They laughed a little.
"The last moments before the accident." Nora said.
Scott: And I put in place some rules to ensure no pregnancies happens tonight! (Sticks a paper on a wall saying "No skin".) There's a strict no skin policy! If it ain't covered up, it's getting thrown out. If you don't abide by this policy, you must have flashlight taped to crotch.
"A dance for virgins. Laaaame." Yang said.
"We're all virgins here. Don't act like you're not." Weiss said.
"But I'll probably be the first one to lose my virginity."
"No, that would be Blake." Nova said and everone else agreed.
"Fuck you, guys." Blake said.
Scott: Yes, I spelled that right. This is to ensure things don't get too PG when the lights dim. And if things get out of hand, that's where our trusty chaperone enters the picture. He's been violently conditioned to resist all forms of alcohol, drugs, violence, and sex, and most importantly, sex.
Funeral planner: You sure you don't want a funeral? I'm really good at funerals.
Scott: If I'm free next week, sure. But right now, I want a school dance.
Funeral planner: Alright, well I did some research and made a few calls and I can officially say I am legally able to plan school dances now.
Scott: Oh, legal, YES!
Now dance planner: It really wasn't that difficult. A lot of my training carried over. Funerals, school dances, tomahto tomato.
Scott: So what's the plan here? I was thinking we could do some fun activities, like we can stand up against the wall, and just wait for somebody to talk to us!
"Every dance ever." Ruby said.
"Do you know what would be a good activity? A dance off." Yang said.
"That would be nice." Pyrrha said.
"Oh, can we add and singing competitions?" Weiss said.
"So you can show off?" Blake said.
"And where's the problem? It's not my fault that I'm a great singer."
Dance planner: But why do so many people like school dances?
"The music?" Ren said.
"Having fun?" Jaune said.
"Cute boys?" Yang said.
Dance planner: The way I see it, you can't spell homecoming without alcohol poisoning. (Gives a can of beer to Scott.)
Rex: NO! (Swats the can off his hand with his baton.)
They laughed a little.
"Me as a chaperone." Nora said.
"I can actually see that." Jaune said.
Scott: I just wanted a school dance where nobody got laid. Now that we're actively endorsing everything laid related, everybody's gonna get laid! We got our new ads in. (Reads the ad.) Since many high schoolers take homecoming as an excuse to get sloshed with their friends before and after the dance, this will be the first alcohol endorsed school dance, one where you don't have to worry about the chaperone narcin' on your addiction.
"I think he didn't like his homecoming dance." Ruby said.
"Really?" Weiss said.
Scott: So now we're deliberately spiking everything. We're spiking the punch, the food, the ballot box. Please don't tell on us.
Dance planner: Oh look, here's the DJ we got!
DJ Abstinence: DJ Abstinence, DJ for school kids.
Scott: Scott Wozniak, DJ Abstinence greeter!
DJ Abstinence: You will not be disappointed in my services. I made the best playlist for kids that are half my age. It's all here on my trusty laptop.
(Rex comes and snaps the laptop in half.)
Rex: I thought that was a beer.
They all laughed.
"The execution! That was great!" Yang said.
Dance planner: You just don't get it! They're just kids! It's their big night, it's their homecoming dance, alcohol never hurt anyone...
Scott: Well, the chaperone is getting psychology conditioned to be all for alcohol, drugs, violence, sex, and most importantly, sex. Alright! We got the DJ, advertisements are out, the chaperone is being conditioned to be actively encouraging immorality, the ballot box has been spiked, alright, all that's left is the banner! (The banner is from a restaurant.)
They laughed a little.
Scott: We used a premade restaurant template... Alright, it's time for home to come. Let's open up the doors for business tonight! (Opens the doors) Hey! Welcome to homecoming!
"Wait, if they want to get laid, where are the girls?" Nora said.
Scott: Uh, before you go, just to let you know, you can get uh, as some would put it, "drunk". (To us) I'm a little worried about the alcohol endorsement. That wasn't a part of my original plan, but apparently that's what people want!
Terry: Hey, man. I appreciate the offer. How about a bible around here I could read?
Scott: ...
"Are you for real?" Yang said.
Scott: This is a f*cking disaster! I didn't want to push for sinning, and now that I am and we got the chaperone pushing for it, people don't care!
Rex: NO! (He swats the can off his hand.) Oh. Sh*t, sorry, man. I thought that wasn't a beer.
Some of them facepalmed, but laughed.
Jeb Jab: Man, yeah, we were pre-gaming at the homeless shelter early tonight, and then we went to pick up litter on the side of the road. It was great.
Other guy: Well, I donated blood in a car. It was great.
"What kind of conversation is that?!" Weiss said.
Scott: Hey, guys! Condoms, right?
Rex: WHY AREN'T YOU F*CKING?!
They couldn't stop laughing.
"The best conversation I've ever heard!" Yang said while laughing
Scott: You apparently can't push for people to have a good time. And since I'm known as the resident beer pusher at this dance, I need to hide my identity with a mask so then people can be relaxed. (Puts on a plain white mask.) This will ease the tension.
"When I call the police, it will." Weiss said.
(Scott gets some punch, but spills it on his shirt.)
Scott: Aw, damnit! (Drops water on his pants.)
Jeb Jab: Why did you do that?
Scott: So then people are too distracted by the punch stain to realize it looks like I pisses myself.
"Why is this true?" Yang said.
"Was there a need to look like he pissed himself?" Blake said.
Dance planner: Hey, Scott! The coffin just came. Where do you want it?
Scott: Oh, for G- I already told you, this is a no coffin dance!
"At least it can't get worse." Jaune said.
DJ Abstinence: Hey, I'm just throwing it out there. I called the police to ask them if it was illegal to give beer to kids without asking for their ID's. They're gonna be here in about 10 minutes.
"Why would you even call the police?! Party pooper." Yang said.
Scott: ... Alright. Homecoming's over. Take your goodie bags.
"They have goodie bags?!" Ruby said.
Other guy: This is just a copy of Premium Rush.
Scott: Get out.
(Back at Scott's room.)
Scott: Well... I got questioned by the police, I yelled at everybody, beer was everywhere, I got home at 4 A.M., and I got f*cking soaked. It was the homecoming I always wanted in high school!
"Well, the way he said it, that's everyone's experience." Yang said.
"Okay, next one." Nova said.
Speed Dating
Scott: Hey y'all, Scott here. You know you're happy when you have 200 NES games to cry to.
"Those are a lot of games..." Pyrrha said.
Scott: I don't need companionship. I've been a human being for 21 years. Why would a 23 year old need another human in their life.
"He's the ultimate virgin." Yang said.
Scott: It's a one-man job being alive. I don't need two. Of course, in terms of life goals, I'd love to be an uncle. Problem is, I'm a lonely child, so the way I can do that is by marrying somebody with a nephew. That's how they get you. It's not like I have trouble doing anything like that, I'm more of a recreational virgin, anyways. I can get married whenever I want. Watch! (He grabs his phone.)
Phone: 911, what's your emergency?
Scott: Pleaaaase, f*ck me!
They laughed a little.
"The definition of desperate." Blake said.
Scott: ...Okay, I'll do something.
(Later)
Scott: Thank you all for coming.
Rex: When I heard you couldn't get laid, I dropped everything and came straight here.
"Those are friends." Nora said.
Scott: Well, I couldn't imagine anybody else being a part of the "F*ck Scott Task Force".
Terry: Yeah, I interpreted that in a different way.
Scott: So, is anybody else already fighting in the war against virginity?
Terry: I'm vegan, I'm good.
"What does veganism have to do with sex?" Weiss said.
"It involves meat." Yang said.
"Stop."
Jerry: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Rex: I'm very anti-war.
Terry: Don't you love virginity?
Rex: I like it but I'm not a blind fanboy.
Scott: I just need help conquering virginity. I haven't messaged any girls on Tinder and I haven't got any respones yet.
"How can he expect responses when he hasn't messaged them yet?" Ruby said.
Rex: You're not getting any responses on Tinder? Have you tried to tell them how badly you want to f*ck them?
Terry: Have you considered getting a job?
Jerry: Yeah, that's a huge turn on for the girls.
"In depends on the job." Weiss said.
"Wait, if he doesn't have a job, then how does he buy all those games?" Jaune said.
Scott: Aw damnit, I thought they liked eviction notices.
They all laughed.
"What has he done?!" Yang said.
Terry: What we gotta do is help you give up.
Rex: So speed dating?
Target employee: Count me in.
"Where did he came from?" Ruby said.
Scott: Who the hell are you?!
Target employee: Oh, you know my brother. He worked at Wendy's.
Scott: Wendy's... Oh, the Wendy's employee. How's he doing?
"What a great character. Wendy's employee." Nora said.
Target employee: Oh yeah, not too good. He's been dead the past month.
Rex: What the hell? He didn't tell us.
"But he's... dead." Pyrrha said.
"Don't bother. You don't know how death works." Nova said.
"(O_O)"
Scott: Well maybe he can speed date in honor of him. Really get the dead on our side.
Rex: Yeah, I'll give him a call, see if he's open to it.
Terry: Yeah, we'll hand out some coupons, get the whole town to speed date.
Jerry: Yeah, I think my parents are free.
Rex: ... He's not picking up.
"What is this?!" Weiss said and everyone else laughed.
"So many things are happening so fast!" Jaune said.
(Rex and Jerry place a sign on a door saying "Speed Date for the cure".)
Scott: Oh god, speed dating. I'm so nervous.
Rex: Remember, girls really like it when you tell them how desperate and lonely you are.
Jerry: And you got to get reeeeally mad if they don't want to f*ck you.
Some of them laughed a little.
"Worst advices ever." Blake said.
Scott: So, is your brother happy we're doing this?
(The Target employee sees no notification from his brother.)
Target employee: Nope. Still dead.
Terry: How is this for charity again?
Scott: I don't know, but it is a write-off.
Target employee: So, are you ready to get started here?
Rex: Nobody's showing up yet. It's 6 A.M. and 5 minutes, so they better get here quick.
Scott: God, this isn't good! What if people start showing up and they don't like me?! Maybe I should wear a hat, just in case they start bolting during the date.
Terry: Listen. Before people start showing up, we should probably get you some practice.
Scott: Like a driving range!
Jerry: Yeah, but without the flirting.
"What?" Yang said.
Terry: First, empty your pockets.
Scott: Oh man... (He gets all the stupid Nintendo games from his pockets.)
"This might be a bit educating. What boys would ask in a speed date."
"Judging by this, something immature." Weiss said.
"And girls wonder why people think girls can't play video games." Nova said.
"What did you say?" Yang said.
"Nothing. Just saying girls say boys are immature, boys play video games all the time and girls are so "mature", so video games are not for girls."
"That's a very immature thing to say." Blake said.
"Point proven."
"Hey, we are immature all the time!" Yang said.
"I'm still a kid!" Ruby said.
"Yeah, watch this!" Nora said. She took her hammer, which she got out of nowhere somehow and tried to do something, but Ren stopped her.
"Okay, we believe you. Better not do anything." Ren said.
Terry: All right, let's sit down. On my side will be a girl. Anyone on this side will be-
Scott: Horny, got it.
Terry: Okay, we have one minute per date. Let's see what you got.
Scott: Before you ask, why yes, I have killed a man.
"Nice start." Blake said.
Terry: Come on, that's not in anymore.
Scott: I just want to be interesting.
"Next time say that you committed genocide." Weiss said.
Terry: So... what do you like to do?
Scott: ...Tap water?
Terry: Well, to show you a little about myself, here's a picture of me and my mom.
Scott: Aww, which one's you?
They all laughed a little.
"You can't be serious."
Jerry: You got your dental records on you?
Scott: (Gives him his records.) Yeah.
Jerry: Impressive.
"What girl would ask for dental records?" Ruby said.
"Why does he carry it around?"
Scott: I don't want somebody who only likes me for my teeth.
Jerry: Most dating is toothpaste these days. Just how it is.
Scott: Well, people are really shallow.
Jerry: Consider it a background check. For example, do you have a death certificate?
"What is he asking for?!" Yang said.
Scott: ...Sorry, not yet.
Jerry: Good! I'm not f*cking a ghost again!
"Where does he come up with this dialogue?" Pyrrha said.
Rex: All right, I got seven words for you. I will f*ck anything with a face.
Scott: (looks around) ...Me?
They all laughed.
Rex: Uhhh- I can't keep this up, all right?! Don't have sex! The world doesn't need it!
Scott: I have to get laid! I think it'll bump on my credit score.
Rex: If you get laid, who else is not going to get laid?
"You?" Yang said.
Scott: You! You hate sex!
Rex: But I don't want to hate sex alone. I need somebody who shares my interests.
Scott: Sounds like you need to speed date.
(Change seats.)
"Weren't they preparing Scott?" Ruby said.
Scott: All right. John Female, woman on the prowl.
Rex: Rex Mohs, school dance historian and chaperone.
Scott: Wow, you chaperone school dances. That's so cool. I wish someone could chaperone the whole city.
"Stop, I hate this." Blake said.
Rex: Damn, you hate sex too?! Wanna f*ck?
They laughed a little.
"You were supposed to destroy them, not join them!" Nora said.
Terry: You ever f*cked a vegan?
Scott: Haha, I get that reference. I too use words.
Terry: So, what do you like to do?
"Don't say tap water again." Weiss said.
Scott: Speed date?
Jerry: Ah! You like sitting on tables too?
Scott: It is table season.
Jerry: The moment I saw you, I was like wow. What I would give to see her at a table.
"Weird flex." Yang said.
Scott: So all I am is a table user to you.
Jerry: With teeth.
Scott: So, I hear you have a dead brother.
Target employee: Is it really that noticeable?
Scott: Wow, you're so dreamy. You have those I-have-a-dead-brother lips.
"They have no idea what girls would ask." Blake said.
Target employee: It is dead brother season.
Rex: So, you single?
Terry: My girlfriend drove you here.
Some laughed a little.
Jerry: So that dead brother of yours... is he, uh... related to you?
"Have you seen a brother that not related to someone?" Weiss said.
"Spiritual ones?" Ren said.
Target employee: Yep. Yeah, death does run in the family.
Jerry: Nope! No! I don't mingle with people who associate with the dead! Learn to be alive for once! (Knocks some cans to the floor.)
Terry: Are you bleeding?
Scott: Yes, let's discuss.
Terry: I don't want any bleeders. Vegan?
Scott: Okay, what am I gonna do with all that blood?
"Why is it yellow?" Pyrrha said.
Terry: Why is the blood yellow?
Scott: Yeah, I'm colorblind.
Jerry: Hi. I'm Jerry Attrics. Here's my sexual history.
"Damn, sexual history?" Yang said.
"Geriatrics?" Ruby said.
Rex: Wouldn't have your past partners be okay with calling them about your performance?
Jerry: I don't see why not. I was always trustworthy, I never missed a day and I came on time every morning.
"That sounds like a job resume." Jaune said.
Rex: Wait a minute, this is your job resume.
Jerry: No, it's not! The last one I was with was my neighbor Audrey! BIG DEAL!
Target employee: I don't think this helped my brother out at all.
Scott: Oh come on, we're doing this for you!
Target employee: My brother.
Scott: Same thing.
Terry: I gotta be honest with you. You don't look like your pictures.
Jerry: Sorry, I was shot on the way here.
(After the training)
Scott: I think this is gearing me up for real life girls!
"Add a not and you're right." Blake said.
Terry: You're learning from the best. We know what girls want.
Scott: ...Air.
The girls facepalmed.
"He's doomed." Yang said.
Jerry: Yeah, you're nearing passable levels of speed dating.
Some of them laughed.
Scott: Oh what, I'm not good enough yet?!
Jerry: Replace "not" with "really not" and you'll be closer.
Terry: You did bleed all over me.
"And that's a big turn off." Nora said.
(Then the first girl in the Scott the Woz universe appears.)
Girl: Hey, is this the place?
Boys: NOT NOW!
(Back at Scott's room)
Scott: (Shows his virginity certificate.) I'm now certified.
They all laughed.
"I bet he worked hard for this." Blake said.
"Hey, you said he talks about video games. Why don't you show us him talking about video games?" Ruby said.
"Next time. Now let's switch to anime because I only have an hour left." Nova said.
And done! Like, follow, leave a review AND NOT A REQUEST, send me a PM if you want and READ THE NOVA FORCE. See you soon!