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Interlude 14b: Sophia

Sophia sat cross-legged, idly polishing Alca's pristine surfaces with a cloth, staring into the crackling blue fire in the center of the chamber. Across from her, Emma was reading a book in the flickering light.

Taylor had—in her hurried explanation before returning to the lava pit—said that the fire was inverted. That made as much sense as anything else. Inside this little round room, lit by the blue flame, the temperature was bearable. The fire itself was too cold to touch, as Sophia found when she reached close.

She and Emma had quickly laid out their three sleeping bags and settled in for a wait. Sophia had originally made to follow Taylor back to the pit, but Taylor had shaken her head. "You'll overheat if you try to stay there the whole time I'm working," she'd said. "Take a rest here and cool down. Feel free to come down after that—for only a few minutes at a time."

Reluctantly, Sophia had to admit she was right. Even the two minutes she had spent when they first arrived in that red chamber, smoke and ash swirling up around her, had left her parched and dry. But that didn't mean she was happy about it.

Don't let me forget.

"She'll be all right," Emma said suddenly, and Sophia looked up to see her old friend gazing sidelong at her.

Sophia swallowed. "I know," she said. And she did. Taylor had gotten through Heartbreaker and Noelle. She would get through this too. "I just wish I could… be there. The whole time."

"You can't be," Emma said. "Not forever."

Sophia blinked. "What?"

Emma sighed, marked her page, and closed her book. She sat up and faced Sophia fully. "You haven't thought about it," she observed.

"Thought about what?" Sophia asked testily. "Don't lead me on, Emma."

"Sorry." Emma shook her head. "Taylor isn't human, Sophia. She's older than our civilization."

"I know that. So?"

"So," Emma said evenly, "she's going to be around for a lot longer. She may have spent a long time dead, or dead-ish, but she spent a long time alive before that. She's immortal, Sophia."

Sophia's stomach suddenly turned. "Oh. You're right, I hadn't thought about that."

"I know." Emma sighed. "You pulled her out of the pit she'd fallen into after Heartbreaker. You pulled her back from the edge after the fight with Echidna. We're only here because of you." A wry smirk suddenly broke across her face. "Or at least, if she came here otherwise, it would have been for very different reasons."

Sophia wanted to protest. She wanted to say that Taylor was stronger than that, to call Emma crazy, to argue that even if she hadn't been there that night in the rain, someone would have helped Taylor see who she really was. The words caught in her throat as she remembered the feeling of Narsil shattered in her hands by a blow like a thunderbolt. Her fingers found Amauril's hilt at her side. The metal was almost warm, as if the cold fire couldn't quite strip away the heat of the volcano.

"But Taylor is going to outlive you," said Emma mercilessly. "She knows that. She knows that, in what must seem like just a few short decades to her, she'll need to be able to carry herself the way you've carried her. She needs to be able to carry on once you're gone."

Sophia's mouth had moistened after a few minutes in the cool firelight. Now it was dry again. She swallowed and asked, "Is that something you saw her thinking? Or are you guessing?"

Emma glanced down. "I still can't read her," she admitted. "Even with Lumeya, I can only scratch the surface and get glimpses of what's further down. I know that when she looks at you, there's a sense of melancholy. And fear, or something like it."

Fear? "And you think she's… scared to lose me?"

"You have a better guess?"

No… but something's off about that. Why else would Taylor be afraid of me? "You might be onto something," Sophia admitted. "But it might be something else. I'll talk to her about it."

Emma's face twitched before she looked away.

When she started reaching for her book, Sophia prompted her. "What?"

Emma fiddled with the bookmark sticking out from the pages. "It's nothing," she said. Then she shook her head to forestall Sophia's probing. "It's just the way you're so nonchalant about it. Talking to her, I mean. We're talking about the existential horror of death, and the inevitable solitude of an immortal living in a world of humans, and you have no problem at all bringing that out into the open with her."

"Well… yeah." Sophia frowned. "Have I ever been the type to dance around things?"

"Yes," Emma said flatly, glaring at her with sudden heat. "We were friends for almost two years, and you never told me about Steven. You never told me you were bi. You never—" her voice caught, and she looked away. "You never told me how you felt," she finished softly.

Sophia's brow furrowed heavily as she considered that. It was true. Now that she thought about it, she had avoided conversations that made her uncomfortable in the past. She hadn't confronted her mother, or Steven, until after that night in the rain outside Coil's base. She hadn't done anything about her discomfort with Emma's obsession with Taylor, partly because she'd been jealously afraid of the possible reason. But it wasn't hard to point to where things had started to change. "It's Taylor," she murmured. "She makes you want to actually be what you think you are. She makes you want to put in the work."

A pause. Then, so quietly Sophia almost missed it, Emma let out a derisive "Tch," and opened her book.

Sophia glared at her. "What?"

"You think Aegis or Clockblocker wanted to become enforcers?" Emma asked without looking up from her book. "You think Piggot wanted to heel to a cape? You think I wanted to become a fucking neo-Nazi?"

Sophia felt a sudden burst of hot rage surge up in her belly. "Are you really blaming—"

"No, you're right," Emma said hurriedly, looking sick. "That was fucked up and stupid, I'm sorry. That wasn't what I was trying to get at. I… fuck, I can't believe I just said that."

The anger tempered somewhat as Sophia glared at Emma. The rank disgust and self-loathing on her face twisted it strangely in the flickering blue light. She let out a breath. "What did you mean, then?" she asked. A peace offering.

Emma swallowed, looking at her gratefully. "I just meant that Taylor touched a lot of people's lives. A lot of people changed in response to her. And—actually, this is the point." Her voice slowed as she carefully considered her words. "Taylor has gravity. No one can help being affected by her. But this ennobling effect she's had on you? This transformation? That's you. It's something you brought with you when you came into all this." She exhaled roughly. "Just like what happened to me—what I did—was something I brought with me. If Taylor doesn't take the responsibility for my actions—and she shouldn't—then she can't take responsibility for yours, either."

Sophia stared at her. "Fine," she said. "Maybe it is me. Maybe that's the difference between just being around Taylor and being in love with her."

"Could be," Emma admitted, but she was frowning, as if something had occurred to her. "That's what I was thinking. But… you were in love with me, or something like it, for two years and it didn't change much about you. And I loved her like a sister when we were younger, and look how I ended up."

"What are you suggesting?"

"I don't know," Emma said. "Maybe nothing. Maybe it's all random chance and you just happen to be a type of person who benefits from all this. Or… maybe it's not all chance." She met my eyes. "Maybe you were fated to be here. Maybe she was fated to meet you. You, specifically."

Sophia flushed. "So, what, you think we're meant for each other or something?"

Emma didn't answer. She just studied Sophia across the crackle of the blue flame.

This time it was Sophia's turn to make a derisive noise. "It's not like that," she said, standing up. "Sure, if she was interested in me that way, I wouldn't say no. But that's not how this works. We're safety nets for each other. We keep each other sane, we remind each other what we're here for, why we're fighting. She cares about me, and I care about her, and we help each other be better than we would be alone. It's more than I ever imagined I'd have." She stood up, holstering Alca and brushing the dust off her knees.

"So, what?" Emma asked, gazing up at her with piercing eyes. "You're settling because you feel ungrateful for wanting more?"

"No," said Sophia scornfully. "You should be able to see that. I'm not settling at all. I'm happy."

Emma's eyes widened, her lips parted.

Sophia turned away. "I'm headed down to see her. Be back in a few."

Emma didn't reply as she strode out into the volcanic heat. She was still stunned by the revelation before her.

In defiance of every assumption she had made, of everything she knew about love and desire, Sophia was telling the truth.

The heat was oppressive in the volcanic forge. Taylor, however, barely seemed to notice it. A hammer and chisel were in her hands as she carefully etched a mold out of a slab of black stone.

Sophia took careful steps toward her, placing her feet between the loose rocks. She doubted that a distraction would cause Taylor any problems, but there was no need to risk it.

It didn't seem to matter anyway. Taylor spoke suddenly without looking up. "I decided to write the inscription in Quenya this time," she said over the roar of the lava. "I thought about writing it in the Black Speech again, like how I've reforged Búrzashdurb into Sunrise. But I didn't think it would work like that. The Ring didn't define the language, the language informed the Ring. I wasn't certain whether I could Sing meaning upstream like that."

Sophia had understood maybe three words of that, but that was okay. "How's it coming along?"

"It's going well," Taylor replied, still focused on the work before her. Her back was arched over the anvil, her wavy hair dangling behind her right shoulder in a sweaty tangle. "The mold is almost done. After that, I need to get the furnace as hot as I can and melt the mithril into it. If I'm careful, and if the Song cooperates, I should be done in several hours."

She suddenly pulled away from the anvil, standing straight, and turned back to Sophia. Her dark eyes reflected the light of the volcano, seeming to glow like the embers of a hearth. "Thank you," she said, and though she spoke softly, her voice carried easily into Sophia's ears. "I know it seems like I abandoned you and Emma, like I'm just working on my own. But it means the world to me that you're here. Even just out there in the other chamber. I don't think I could do this without you."

Sophia's heart fluttered delightfully in her chest, and for a moment she just reveled in the feeling of being in love with the incredible person before her. "There's nowhere I'd rather be right now," she said. "Take your time, do it right. There's no rush."

Taylor smiled at her, warmer than any volcano. "Thanks," she said. "And I appreciate you coming to visit."

"I can—"

"No," Taylor interrupted immediately. "I need you conscious and without heat stroke, Sophia. Please."

Sophia sighed. "Fine. I'll come back as often as I feel like I can."

"Please do," said Taylor, her smiling eyes glittering like twin fields of stars. "I miss you every minute you're gone."

Sophia's heart gave another little delighted shudder. "You should get back to work," she said. "I'll stay for a couple more minutes, then head back."

"All right," Taylor said, turning back to the anvil. "Do you and Emma have enough water, by the way?"

"We're fine for a few days," Sophia confirmed. "Even down here. Same for food. Don't worry about us. Do you want me to bring you something to eat or drink?"

"Maybe next time you come by. I may not have to eat, but it feels better than not."

"I'll bring you some of whatever we make for dinner then." Sophia took a deep breath and blinked away a momentary dizzy wave. The heat was getting to her. "I'll head back for now," she said reluctantly. "I'll come back soon."

"I look forward to it," said Taylor, her eyes on her chiseling. "At some parts of the process I'll be Singing, so I may not be able to talk to you. But I'll know you're there, and I'll always appreciate your visits."

"Okay." Sophia turned away. "I'll be back, then."

"I'm glad," said Taylor softly.

On an impulse, Sophia looked back. Taylor was lit by a halo of firelight, her hair swirling around her head in the hot breeze, twining through the air like a living thing. For a moment Sophia imagined that the light was emerging from her, rather than lighting her from behind, that the silhouette there on the rock was the source of all the heat and light that made her eyes water and skin sweat.

Then she turned away and walked back down the dark tunnel. In her heart stirred mingled love and awe. It wasn't a new realization to her, but every so often she had to stop and remember that she was in love with a force of nature.

But the truly incredible thing, the thing that made grateful tears sometimes well up in her eyes unbidden, was that Taylor somehow loved her back.