Well hello there everyone. I hope you all are doing well, and having a great Monday so far. I've got the next update for you, and it's a bit of a long one. But hopefully you all won't mind. I'm really proud of this chapter, and I'm happy with the way it came out, so I hope you all like it as well. I can't wait to hear what you all think!
I hope you all have a great rest of your week, I'll see you all next time! Enjoy!
***UPDATE 2/22: I mentioned this on twitter, but there won't be an update posted today. I've had some stuff going on in my personal life and haven't been able to get as much writing done as I'd like. But hopefully I'll be able to get the chapter up next week. I really am sorry, thank you for understanding.
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Seven
"You're mean, Daddy! I don't want you, I want my Mommy!"
Casey released a heavy sigh as he listened to the sound of Caitlyn's fast footsteps hurrying up the steps, that noise accompanied by her loud sobs as she was no doubt going to her room. And though the sounds of her cries definitely faded, they never quite went away while Matt soothing rubbed over Sofia's back, his one year old still frightened after her sister's outburst.
"It's okay, Sof." He murmured, Casey blinking back the tears forming in his eyes as he pressed a kiss to the top of Sofia's curly-haired head, the gesture as much for her as it was for himself, the baby clinging to his shirt as cries continued leaving her lips. "Everything's okay."
"Mama." She cried, Matt's jaw tightening as Sofia wept for her mother, the father's heart feeling like it was breaking all over again.
This was impossible, it had been for the last four days, but it felt like just when Casey thought things couldn't get any harder, they did. And he wasn't sure how much more he could take.
He wasn't sure how much more his girls could take.
"Mama-" She wailed once more, Matt shaking his head as he held onto his baby as securely as he could.
"I know." He murmured against the top of her head, a few tears escaping down his cheeks and falling into Sofia's hair as her cries for her mom continued, the one year old desperate for Gabby, but unable to understand why she wasn't here. "I know you want your Momma, baby… I do, too."
While Casey kept doing all he could to console his daughter, Becca watched on with tear-filled eyes, her chest tightening almost painfully at what this family was going through. She'd been with them for so long, so much so that they felt like part of her own family, and to see this happening to them was a type of heartbreak she'd never experienced before, Becca quickly lifting her hand up to wipe away her tears.
"I know, Sof… I know." Matt continued to whisper, his words certainly more for himself than Sofia at this point, as the baby's cries were still filling the air. "Momma will be okay, we'll all be okay."
As he tried to help his youngest daughter, Matt did all he could to keep himself together while he fought off the fresh tears in his eyes still desperate to fall, the stress and high emotions of everything nearly suffocating him as he continued rubbing over Sofia's back. He was doing all he could, he had to constantly remind himself of that, but it wasn't enough. Because right now at this very moment, there was another little girl in this house who needed him, who he had to help, even if he wasn't really the parent she wanted at the moment.
But that didn't matter, not right now. Nothing he felt mattered. Because his babies needed him, and he refused to not be there.
After a minute or two, Sofia was slowly calming down, her tears beginning to subside as Matt gently rocked her back and forth, his eyes focused downward as he tried to figure out how to best help both of his girls.
"Matt…" Becca spoke up for the first time since before Caitlyn's outburst, Matt nearly forgetting she was still here as he looked up to find her sad eyes focused on him and Sofia. "Do you want me to go talk to Caitlyn?" She asked, the father pursing his lips together before he shook his head.
He knew what Becca was doing, that she was trying to help. And she was right in the idea that Caitlyn shouldn't be alone right now. But Becca wasn't the person who should go to her, Matt was. He was the one who needed to go be with her, the one who wanted to, but with Sofia's death grip on him, he wasn't sure what to do.
"No, no… I need to." He told her, Becca nodding understandingly. The nanny hadn't expected him to take her up on her offer, but she felt inclined to give it anyway, as she just wanted to help them in any way she could. "But, I…" He started again only to trail off, his eyes moving back down towards the baby in his arms as Becca followed his line of sight.
Sofia wasn't doing anything near the wails and cries from a moment ago, but she was still clinging to him, and from experience she would until she had some other sort of distraction, Becca well aware of how moments like this usually went. Especially here lately.
"I can watch Sof." She suggested as she moved towards the edge of her chair, a wary look almost immediately covering Casey's face as he lifted his hand up to wipe away a few of his baby's tears from her cheeks.
"I don't know, she-"
"I got her, Matt." Becca continued on, her strong words causing his guard to drop slightly as he looked back towards her. "She's okay." She reminded him, Matt pausing for a moment before he nodded. "I know she's sad, and misses her mom… But she'll be fine till you're back. Caitlyn needs you right now, I've got her." She finished, Casey well aware of just how right she was as he carefully gave her a nod, his grip on Sofia loosening slightly.
"Yeah…" He breathed out, Becca giving him a supportive smile before the nanny got up, her and Matt moving simultaneously as Sofia's eyes began to dart around at the unexpected movement. "You're okay, Sof." He told her, his hand rubbing over her stomach before Becca reached out for her.
"Hey Sof, you're gonna come with me." She spoke brightly, her voice not at all matching the way she felt inside as she was able to mask just how hard this entire situation was. Or at least mask it enough to where a one year old wouldn't be able to pick up on it. "Come here, sweet girl." She cooed as they completed the hand off.
And, as expected, Sofia quickly began to cry once she was away from her father, the baby's sharp cries making Matt nearly reach out to grab her again as he just wanted to do anything he could to help her. But Becca ignored his slight movement, the nanny just taking a few steps away and beginning to focus completely on Sofia.
"Sof, it's okay baby, you and I are gonna play." She spoke happily, her high voice breaking through Sofia's cries as the little girl started to realize who she was with. "Yeah, it's just me… Your Daddy's gonna be back, but you and I are gonna have so much fun." She continued on, Becca reaching down to grab one of Sofia's dolls off the table and hold it in front of her face, the object enough of distraction as her cries slowly stopped. When Sofia took the toy from her, Becca was able to wipe away the baby's tears, the nanny angling them away from Matt so Sof's back was to him before the woman nodded at him, the silent gesture telling him to go upstairs.
Releasing a slow breath, Matt complied with her request as he quietly slipped out of the living room and headed towards the stairs, while Becca did her best to keep the little baby occupied, the nanny just further proving why she was just such a great fit to their family.
Knowing Sofia was taken care of, at least for the time being, it allowed Casey to focus his full attention on his older daughter, the sounds of her cries getting louder as he climbed the steps. And the closer he got, he felt his stomach sink more and more, Matt having no idea how he was going to handle what he was about to walk into. But he had to, as he was the only parent here to do it.
Stepping through the baby gate at the top of the stairs, Matt went around the bannister towards Caitlyn's room, the open door letting the sound of her sobs filter clearly out into the hallway as he soon got to her room. And when he came to a stop in the doorway, the sight in front of him absolutely broke his heart.
She was curled up into herself in the middle of her bed, her little body shaking as she faced the wall, Caitlyn seemingly unaware of his presence as she clutched onto her favorite teddy bear; the same one Gabby had given her before she left their home.
She was quite attached to that stuffed animal, she had been ever since they gave it to her, Caitlyn always clinging onto it whenever she needed comfort. So it wasn't surprising to see her latched onto it now, Matt forcing himself to take a steadying breath before he continued into her bedroom, the father unable to bear hearing her cries any longer.
Caitlyn was turned away from him when he got to her bed, Casey still unsure if she even knew he was here or not. But when he sat down on the edge of her bed, her body moving slightly as the mattress dipped beneath her, he was sure she knew she wasn't alone anymore, her cries quieting slightly while still refusing to look his way.
Slowly, he reached his hand out towards her, Matt resting his palm over her back before rubbing in smooth, comforting motions. "Caitlyn…"
The second he said her name, she leaned away from him, Matt sighing softly before moving his hand back down towards the bed, the father not wanting to touch her if she didn't want him to as Caitlyn held onto her teddy bear even tighter than before.
Neither one of them said a word for a few moments, Matt trying to let her come to him, while Caitlyn was firm in her decision to not look his way, her cries having quieted down to soft whimpers while tears still fell from her eyes. And as they sat there, Casey only continued to feel more lost than he already had before.
He knew how badly this had all been affecting her, that she was scared, and confused, and fighting him every step of the way because she didn't understand what was going on. But this right now was something entirely different, and Matt didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help her, and there was the overwhelming thought in the back of his mind that if this were Gabby, she'd know what to do. If his wife were here, she'd know exactly how to help their little girl.
But she wasn't here, he was. And he couldn't make this better for her. In fact there was only one thing he knew to even try and do, yet it was the last thing he wanted to do.
But more and more, it was looking like he no longer had a choice.
"Caity…" He tried again, another whimper escaping through her lips as her body continued trembling. "Honey, can you look at me." He spoke quietly, his own voice breaking as tears continued to gather in his eyes.
"I want Mommy." She choked out, her voice barely audible as her breath kept getting caught in her throat, Caitlyn having worked herself up to a point where she could hardly get words out.
"I know, baby." He murmured, Caitlyn leaning her body back just slightly, to the point where her hip was resting up against the side of his leg. And while he wasn't sure if she'd meant to, when she didn't pull away from him, that was a sign to him that she was okay with his comfort, Matt slowly reaching out to rub her back once more, the father grateful when she didn't pull away from him. "I know you want your Mommy, Caity. I want her back, too." He told her shakily, the little girl sniffling as more tears fell down onto her pillow.
Before he could say anything more, Caitlyn began to shift around, the child turning to face him as she kept her firm grip on her bear, her red, tear-filled eyes breaking his heart all over again as the five year old was holding onto more pain than any child should ever feel. When she was resting on her side, she locked eyes with him, Matt rubbing her arm gently as he hoped the motion would provide her with some comfort.
"Sweetheart, I know that this is scary," He started, Caitlyn blinking quickly as her bottom lip was wobbling up and down. "And it's okay that you're scared, but Mommy's doing all she can to get better, okay?" He spoke in words she'd understand, the five year old clutching her teddy bear to her chest for dear life. "She just needs time, but-"
"I want Mommy." She interrupted, Casey sighing softly as he watched a few more tears slide down her cheeks.
"Honey-" He tried, but she immediately began to shake her head, more and more tears suddenly flooding her eyes as he saw her getting worked up, her next words coming quickly.
"Let me see my Mommy!" She sobbed harshly, Matt unable to keep his own emotions at bay anymore as Caitlyn's entire body started to shake, her pleas like a knife through the heart.
And in this moment, seeing the pain his baby was in, he knew exactly what he had to do. Despite his reservations, despite his worries and fears about taking her, he knew he had to. Caitlyn needed to see Gabby.
She needed her mom. And regardless of the circumstances, he knew he couldn't keep Caitlyn away from her any longer. Not when his little girl was hurting as badly as she was.
Wiping away his own tears, Matt reached back down towards his daughter, her face tucked down against her teddy bear as she continued to cry. "Caitlyn…"
"I don't want her to die like Daddy and Mommy."
Matt was frozen the second she spoke, her words tearing through him as another rough sob escaped the back of her throat, the five year old's worries coming out full force as Casey was starting to realize the full extent of what was going on. And it absolutely broke his heart.
"I don't want her to go up to the sky," She kept going, tears now pouring from her eyes as she started sobbing once more, Matt feeling an intense ache in his chest as he watched his broken daughter. "I want her here." She barely got the words out before another loud cry escaped her lips, Caitlyn burying herself down into the bed as her body shook uncontrollably.
"Baby-"
"I want my Mommy back!"
It was like she couldn't even hear him, Caitlyn's loud cries filling the room as Matt watched on helplessly, his mind almost frozen as he was still trying to grasp just how deep Caitlyn's fears went. How she was scared for more reasons than just her mom being hurt, Casey losing against his own emotions as well as more tears slid down his skin, the father continuing to do all he could to comfort his devastated little girl.
But the second her sobs started to sound more like wheezing, Matt snapped out of his pain-filled trance, it soon becoming apparent that Caitlyn was having a hard time getting air into her lungs as she struggled to breathe through her cries.
"Hey, hey baby, it's okay." He immediately began to soothe her, Matt carefully lifting Caitlyn up into a sitting position while she continued wheezing, the little girl having worked herself up to the point where she'd forgotten to breathe. "Come here, Caity, you're okay… Breathe, just take deep breaths." He helped her as best he could, Matt wiping away the tears on her skin as she watched her father with her swollen eyes. Cradling her cheek with his hand, Matt took slow, deep breaths, hoping his daughter would follow his lead. And soon enough, she did, Caitlyn mimicking his actions despite the fresh tears welling in her eyes. "You're okay… everything's okay." He promised her, the man able to break through his own grief and see just how scared she was. "Everything's gonna be okay, baby."
Caitlyn nodded slowly, the girl's breathing slowly returning to normal as Matt felt his body relax slightly now that she'd calmed down a bit. She was still visibly upset, but at least she was able to get some deep breaths in, even if they were shaky, the father giving her as supportive a smile as he could muster before he leaned down to press a comforting kiss to the top of her head.
"You're okay." He reassured her, Caitlyn using her free hand to grip onto his leg while her other kept a hold on her teddy bear, Matt wiping away a few more of her tears as he pulled back.
"Daddy…" She whispered, Matt brushing her hair back out of her eyes as she watched him, the pain and hurt never leaving her gaze as it felt like his heart was continuously cracking in his chest. "I wanna go see Mommy." She told him again, her voice much softer than her previous pleas had been, Matt's eyes falling closed for a moment before he nodded.
"I know." He told her, the man moving his hands underneath her arms before gently lifting her up and placing her in his lap, Caitlyn's legs resting on either side of him while her body relaxed into his chest.
With her teddy bear tightly in between them, Caitlyn let her dad soothe her, the feeling of his embrace helping calm her down even though she was still upset with him, the little girl sniffling as she tucked her head into his neck.
"I know you want your mom," He continued on, Matt forcing himself to take a steadying breath before he said his next words, the father knowing once they were out there, there was no going back. "So we're gonna go and see her, alright?"
Caitlyn pulled back from his chest when she registered what he said, her tear-filled brown eyes staring up at him with a hopefulness that went through him like a knife, her bottom lip shaking slightly before she spoke up.
"Really?"
"Really." He answered as he cupped the back of her head, her jaw trembling even more. "We're gonna go, you can see your Momma, alright?"
As he spoke, tears began to fall from her eyes, her body starting to shake once more before she broke down into heavy cries, Matt pulling her back towards him as he wrapped his arms around his daughter. Dropping her stuffed animal in between them, she held onto him as tightly as she could, Matt resting his cheek down on the top of her head while he let her cry.
But her cries were different this time, as before they were coming from a place of anger, and confusion. But this, right now, felt like something else… it felt like she was crying out of relief. Relief that she would finally be able to see her mother, that she'd be able to go see Gabby. That he wasn't keeping her from her Momma anymore.
And it made him feel like the worst father in the world.
But it wasn't about him. Regardless of his intentions, or him doing what he thought was best, it didn't matter. All that mattered right now was Caitlyn, and what she needed.
And all she needed her mom.
Matt carefully pulled into a parking spot in the lot across from the hospital, snow falling down onto their windshield as he made sure to put their car in park before releasing his foot from the brake, Casey looking around at their familiar surroundings before turning back towards his girls. Through the mirror on the backseat headrest, he could see Sofia was dozing in and out of consciousness, their quiet ride telling him she'd likely rested most of the time, while Caitlyn was wide awake. But she had been equally as quiet, the five year old still holding onto her teddy bear as tightly as possible while she looked out the window towards the big building, Matt releasing a soft sight before he turned back around.
Though his plans for today certainly hadn't included being back here again this morning, after Caitlyn's complete breakdown earlier, he was left with no other choice. Despite his own worries about this, if Caitlyn's behavior this morning was any indication, she needed to see her mother. No matter what else came of it, or how hard it would be, she needed to see her. So once Caitlyn had calmed down, and Matt got both his girls ready as well as giving Severide a call about what was going on, he and Becca had packed up the kids and he headed this way, while Becca went home. And though both girls were calm right now, he knew that likely wouldn't last once they got inside, Casey trying to prepare himself for any possible outcome as he unclipped his seatbelt.
As he ripped his keys from the ignition, he looked back towards the building, Matt soon seeing a familiar face heading towards them as Severide made his way through the crosswalk and into the parking lot, his friend clearly having been waiting for him even since Matt had let him know they were leaving the house.
With one last glance back to his girls, Matt opened the door and stepped out, his keys firmly in his hand before he shut the car door behind him. "Severide."
"Hey man." He greeted, his hands shoved into his pockets to protect him from the cold, Kelly's eyes darting towards the vehicle as Matt came to meet him by the front of it. "So… change of plans, I guess?" He questioned, as the two men hadn't had much of a chance to talk earlier.
When Matt had called him less than an hour ago to ask him to stay at the hospital, he'd hadn't had the time to really get into detail about what all happened. And truthfully, he still didn't, Casey nodding slowly as he adjusted the beanie covering his head. "Yeah… change of plans." He repeated, Kelly knowing not to push it anymore as he merely nodded. "Can you get Sof out while I get Caitlyn?" He asked as he took a slight backwards, the snow crunching underneath his feet as Kelly nodded.
"Of course." He replied, Matt smiling weakly before sparing a glance back towards the SUV.
"And before we go in, I uh… I don't want Sofia to see her." Casey spoke quietly, an understanding soon look covering Severide's face. "She's too young, we won't be able to help her understand what's happening, and I just think it's best if we keep her out of the room." He explained to his friend, Kelly nodding once more as the friend would do whatever Casey needed of him. "So can you stay with her in the waiting room? She has a bunch of toys and snacks, and the iPad, in her diaper bag… Enough to keep her distracted for a while, if you could keep her out there."
"Absolutely, man. Whatever you need." He replied without hesitation, Casey shooting him an appreciative nod before they went to their respective sides of the vehicle, Matt pulling open his door while Kelly did the same.
When Caitlyn came into view, he found her in the same position she'd been in just moments ago, her eyes now focused out into the world through the open door as opposed to the window. Though it was almost like she was staring right through him, Caitlyn clearly still in whatever trance she'd been in on the way here before she suddenly snapped out of it, the little girl blinking a few times before finally looking up at her dad.
"Hi." He spoke softly, Caitlyn nodding slightly before she began to look around, Severide helping a very tired Sofia out of her car seat beside her. "We're here." He continued, the five year old looking back up towards him with an almost blank look on her face, before it all began to settle in.
"Okay." She all but whispered, her grip on her teddy bear tightening even further as she clung to it for comfort, Matt reaching out to rub her arm gently.
"You ready to see your mom?" Matt questioned, Caitlyn pausing for a moment before she nodded, the father seeing a flash of hesitation in her eyes. And truthfully, he wasn't surprised to see it there, not under the circumstances. "Alright." He murmured, rubbing her arm once more before he pulled back.
He waited for a moment to see if she was going to unbuckle herself while Severide was currently working on getting Sofia bundled up in her coat, but when the girl made no attempt to move, Matt reached down to undo the clasps for her, Caitlyn looking up at him as he pulled the restraints out of the way. Wordlessly, she began to slide down out of her seat, Matt keeping a hand on her until her feet were planting firmly on the floor of the car, the father reaching around her to grab her coat before he began to help her into it.
It was a quick process, Caitlyn not putting up any resistance as he got her ready to step out into the cold before the father lifted her up and placed her down onto the ground, Matt turning to make sure he and Severide hadn't forgotten anything while his friend was now standing in front of the car with Sofia in his arms, her diaper bag tossed over his shoulder while they waited for the other two Caseys.
"Daddy?"
Caitlyn's soft voice hit his ears before he turned around to face her, Matt seeing her tired eyes looking up at him while snow softly fell down on top of them, the man giving her his complete attention.
"Hmm?"
"I'm sorry." She said weakly, Matt's eyebrows furrowing instinctively before realization soon set in, his face softening as Caitlyn spoke up again before he could say anything. "I said bad things, I was bad."
Drawing in a deep breath, Matt moved to sit down on the ledge of the SUV, this position letting him be closer to her eye level as he gently reached out to guide her towards him. "Caity…"
"You're not mean, you're nice." She kept going, those thick tears hiding in her eyes not having left since this morning as Matt grabbed ahold of her glove-covered hands. "You're the best Daddy, I'm sorry I was bad." She apologized profusely, her words unsteady as her bottom lip bobbled slightly, the look on her face telling him one thing.
She was worried he was mad at her.
If he had to guess, he'd say she'd been feeling bad about this morning ever since she'd calmed down. That once she settled, and really had a chance for everything to sink in, she'd been regretting what all she told him. That she'd been holding onto the fear that he was upset with her.
And, truthfully, her words had stung. When she said what she did, it hurt him, he couldn't pretend it didn't. But he also knew she didn't mean it, that her words were said in fear and anger, and it had been misdirected at him. He knew the second she said it, it wasn't how she truly felt. So even though it hurt, he wasn't going to dwell on it. And with everything else going on, he didn't want her to either, as now was not the time for any reprimands or life lessons.
His little girl was hurting, and she was afraid. And she would never get in trouble for that.
"You're not bad, honey." He spoke up, her lips turning down into a frown as she looked near seconds away from crying. "I promise, you're not. And I'm not mad." He assured her, Matt giving her hands a soft squeeze as she nodded. "I know what you said, that you didn't mean it. That you're scared, and you miss your Momma." Casey continued on, a lone tear escaping down her cheek before he reached up to wipe it away. "It's okay, I promise. You're not in trouble, alright? Everything's fine, baby."
He barely finished getting the words out before Caitlyn all but lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug, Matt relaxing into her before hugging her back, Severide watching on at the sight in front of him with a sad look in his eye.
"I love you, Daddy." Caitlyn whispered, Matt smiling softly as he rubbed his hand over her back.
"I know, I love you too, Caity." He replied, the father kissing the side of her head before they pulled away from one another, his eyes flashing over her features before landing back on her eyes. And with that quick once over, he was yet again reminded of how worn down she truly was, Matt drawing in a steadying breath before he spoke up once more. "Alright… Are you ready to go inside?"
"Mhmm." She hummed quietly, Matt nodding before sparing a quick look towards Severide, finding his friend watching him while Sofia was nearly asleep cuddled against his chest, her thick hooded coat and the blanket wrapped around her shielding her from the cold and snow.
"Okay. Now you remember what we talked about earlier? About Momma..." He asked her, Matt referencing back to the conversation they'd had before leaving the house, as Caitlyn needed to know what she was walking into. And even though she nodded, Matt decided to remind her anyway, as he didn't want any surprises. "When we go in there, it might be scary. Your mom isn't awake, and she looks a little different." He reminded her, Caitlyn moving a step closer to him. "And she has a lot of bandages… You know how when you get hurt, and we have to cover it? Well Mommy has a lot of those, so she might look a little strange... But she's okay, she's just resting, alright?" He told her, his words earning yet another nod from the young girl as she did her best to take in what he was saying. "And when we go in, if you get scared, it's okay. But everything's alright."
He gave her one lasting warning, Caitlyn hesitating for a moment before she finally gave him a nod of understanding, Matt able to feel the nerves radiating off her body. And he couldn't blame her.
"Okay Daddy." She replied, her voice barely audible, Matt releasing a soft sigh as he could help but act on the lingering worry he felt in his gut.
"...You sure you wanna do this, baby?" He asked her, Caitlyn meeting his gaze as he gave her a weak smile. "Because it's okay if you don't, we don't have to go in there if you're not ready… I know you want to see Mommy, but she's not like Mommy right now." He tried to remind her, Caitlyn sniffling slightly as Matt ran his hands over her arms. "We can wait."
The five year old shook her head just as soon as he finished, Casey holding his tongue as she spoke up. "I wanna see her." She replied, Matt breathing in deeply before he nodded.
"Alright, then let's go." He responded, the father leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead before he stood back up.
After grabbing Caitlyn's stuffed animal from the car, Casey locked the vehicle up, doing one last quick check to make sure he had everything before he hoisted Caitlyn up into his arms. The little girl settled onto his hip, her head leaned down towards his neck while he supported her weight, as Matt and Kelly began the walk into the hospital with the two Casey children in their arms.
They moved a little slower than their normal pace, neither man wanting to risk slipping on the snow and ice with the girls in their arms, but eventually they made it inside, Casey beginning the familiar walk towards Gabby's room while Kelly followed beside him.
As Matt walked towards the elevators, Caitlyn's wide eyes glanced around the unfamiliar building, her grip on her dad tightening as she felt a rush of fear go through her little body. It was scary here, the big building was scary, and she didn't like it. In her mind, all she could think about was how she wanted to go home, how she wanted her Mommy home, and how she didn't want to be in this big building anymore, because all the times she'd been in a place like this, was for the bad things.
It was hard for her to remember, but she knew she'd come to a place like this when she got hurt at one of her old homes, Caitlyn unable to forget how scary it was when she'd been pushed down the stairs by that mean boy.
Then the other time she had to come here was when her Daddy left, Caitlyn tensing at the memory as she remembered coming to a big building like this, then never going home again. She never saw her Daddy again after that, she didn't have a family again, not until she met her new Mommy and Daddy.
But now she was here again, and it felt like the bad times all over again. And it scared her, Caitlyn tucking her head in deeper into her dad's neck as they got off the elevator, her Daddy holding onto her tighter as well as he walked down the hallway.
"It's okay, sweetheart." He whispered, Matt rubbing over her back as she closed her eyes tightly, Caitlyn focusing on the sound of her dad's voice as he continued to comfort her, his presence the only thing able to keep her calm right now as she didn't want to be here anymore. "Everything's okay."
Caitlyn kept her eyes shut the rest of the way, all the different people around her making her nervous as there was just one person in particular that she wanted to see, the five year old not looking up again until she heard her dad speak.
"Alright Sev, you mind staying here?" He asked, Caitlyn opening her eyes to find them in a completely new place, all the people running around frightening her as she ducked her head back down against her dad. "I know it's kind of busy, but hopefully Sof will sleep right through it." Matt continued, his eyes flickering to his youngest daughter to see her napping peacefully against her godfather, Sofia having fallen asleep at some point during their walk. "Or I think there's a smaller waiting room a little further down the hall, any time I've been there, there haven't been many people."
"Yeah, I'll check it out… But we're good here, I've got her." He assured his friend as he nodded down towards Sofia, Kelly able to hear her soft snores as her head was resting near his ear.
"Okay, thank you." He replied, the two sharing a few more words before they went their separate ways, Matt continuing down the hallway towards Gabby's room while Kelly took care of Sofia. As he walked in the direction he knew by heart, Casey made sure to keep rubbing over Caitlyn's back, the father hoping the sincere action was helping to keep her calm as he could sense how hard this was on her. He felt it in the way she tensed, and the way she was hiding against him, Caitlyn clearly becoming a bit more scared the closer they got. And given her history, he understood it. But all he could do was hope bringing her here was worth it, that seeing Gabby would help make her feel better about all this. Even though he'd be lying if he said there wasn't a little voice in the back of his head still telling him this was a bad idea.
Turning the last corner towards Gabby's room, Matt's steps slowed when Jemma and Ramon both came into view, the pair currently standing outside the closed door. His eyes bounced back and forth between them and her room, the husband trying to figure out why they weren't inside as he approached them.
"Hey, there they are." Ramon spoke as lightly as he could, Jemma turning around just as Matt approached them, Caitlyn peaking her eyes out from her father's neck when she heard the voice she recognized.
"Hi guys." Jemma greeted as well, Matt offering them both a weak smile as the godmother reached out to gently rub Caitlyn's back.
"Hey… Why aren't you all in there?" He asked softly, Matt keeping his voice steady as he didn't want to give Caitlyn anymore reason to be scared.
"They're changing her bandages." Ramon replied, Casey nodding slowly as he adjusted Caitlyn's weight in his arms. "But they should be almost done."
"Is Mommy okay?" Caitlyn asked after a moment, the little girl clearly listening to their conversation, her broken voice causing both Ramon and Jemma to frown as Matt nodded once more.
"She's fine, baby. The nurses are just helping her." He spoke simply, Caitlyn nodding against him before she turned her head a bit, her eyes moving back and forth between Jemma and Ramon as she cuddled her teddy bear tightly.
"Is Aunt Jemma here for Mommy? And abuelo?" She asked quietly, the five year old just trying to understand what was going on as Jemma gave her a nod.
"We are, sweetheart." She answered, the girl's eyes flashing towards the room she knew Gabby was in. "You know how your Daddy comes and spends time with your mom while you're sleeping? Well we like to be here during the day sometimes."
"So Mommy's not alone." She whispered, Ramon nodding sadly as Caitlyn lifted her head up slightly, both her grandfather and godmother seeing just how much pain the child held in her eyes as they got their first real look at her. "...Is she up?" She asked hopefully, Matt's face falling as he instinctively tightening his grip on her. "Is Mommy awake?"
Sparing a look towards Casey, Jemma pursed her lips together before releasing a soft sigh, the woman shaking her head side to side. "She's not, not yet." She told her, Caitlyn's demeanor shifting instantly as she sniffled, a few fresh tears welling in her eyes as Matt pressed a soft kiss to the side of her head.
"But she's doing alright, honey." Ramon added as he saw the devastation on the young girl's face, Matt reaching up to wipe away a tear that had fallen down her cheek before she nodded. "Your mom is gonna be alright, she's strong… Just like you are." He told her, Caitlyn blinking quickly before she tucked herself back into the security of her dad's embrace, Ramon watching on sadly before he looked back up to Casey, his son-in-law watching him closely. "They, uh, took her for some scans a little bit ago, they were all the same." He continued, his words now clearly directed at Matt as the younger man nodded. "There were no changes, which I guess is a good thing… Better than the alternative."
"Yeah… it's a good thing." Casey reminded himself, the husband breathing in deeply just as the door opened, all of them looking in that direction as a few familiar nurses walked out of the room.
From being here as much as he had, Matt pretty much knew everyone who was taking care of his wife, though he'd had much more contact with the night shift nurses. But still, he'd met most of them, the women offering him soft smiles as they continued out of the room, the last one stopping when she saw them.
"You all can go back in." She told them, her words earning some nods from them as the woman's gaze moved towards the newest addition to Gabby's visitors. "...Is this one of your girls?" She asked with a gentle smile, as pretty much everyone working on Gabby's case was aware of the story- how she had two young daughter's at home waiting for her.
"Yeah, this is Caitlyn." Matt spoke just as the five year old dug herself deeper into him, the nurse giving him an understanding nod before she stepped out of the way.
"Well, your wife is doing fine, considering. All her stats are still the same, but we'll have someone by to check on her again here shortly." She explained, though Matt was pretty used to the routine by now. But he nodded regardless, the husband offering her a quick thank you before she walked away, leaving the family alone outside Gabby's door.
Blowing out a heavy breath, Matt patted his daughter's hip before he gently placed her down on the ground, Caitlyn reluctant to let go as he crouched beside her. "It's okay, you're okay." He promised her as her feet got settled on the floor, Caitlyn keeping a hand gripped onto his shoulder while her other held onto her bear. "Everything's okay, baby… We're just gonna go in there and see your Momma, okay?" He told her, the child's eyes darting around nervously before she nodded, Matt releasing a heavy sigh as he felt that familiar uncertainty gnawing away in his gut. "...Caity, are you sure you wanna see her?" He asked her one last time, the girl's eyes finally landing on him before she nodded somewhat hesitantly.
"I wanna see Mommy." She told him, Casey suppressing a sigh before he matched her look.
"Alright, then we're gonna go in there okay?" He replied, Caitlyn nodding before he stood up straight, the girl immediately clinging to his side once he was no longer eye level with her. Reaching down towards her, Casey took her hand in his, the father nodding at both Ramon and Jemma to go ahead inside before them.
Once they went through the door, Matt gave her hand a squeeze before he slowly began to walk forward, Caitlyn following in his steps as she looked around before they went into the room as well. And the second they were inside, her eyes immediately moved towards the bed, Caitlyn far enough away to be able to see her mom as she laid there, Matt stopping just a few steps inside the door as he waited for his little girl to move forward as he too still needed a second to adjust to the state Gabby was in. But despite his waiting, Caitlyn never got any closer..
As they stood there in her mom's room, Caitlyn's eyes welled with fresh tears as she looked at Gabby, the five year old realizing that her Daddy was right- Mommy did look different. And it was scary.
She looked like she was sleeping, but Caitlyn knew from her dad it was a different kind of sleep, the little girl frowning when she saw all the cuts and bruises on her mom. How she had something weird covering her arm, and there were a lot of bandages on her, just like her dad said there would be. But just because her Daddy told her Mommy would look different, that didn't make it any easier for the little girl to witness as a soft whimper escaped her lips.
One that Matt heard immediately.
"Caity-"
The girl shook her head, thick tears beginning to fall down her face as a sharp cry left the back of her throat, Caitlyn dropping his hand before she took a few steps backward, her eyes focused on her unconscious mother. And before Matt could even react, or do anything to try and help her, Caitlyn turned and bolted out the door, her teddy bear falling to the ground as her loud cries were heard long after she was out of sight, Matt immediately running after her.
"Caitlyn!" He called as he got out into the hallway, his eyes immediately finding his girl as she hurried down the hallway they'd just walked down, Matt running after her instantly as she pushed her way through all the different people in the hallway. She couldn't see much through her teary eyes, Caitlyn not even realizing there were people in her path until she'd bump into them. But she kept going regardless, the five year old trying to get as far away from that room as possible.
"Caity!" She barely registered the sound of her dad's voice as he hurried after her, Matt only getting out a few quick apologies to people as he'd bump past them as well, his main concern just getting to his little girl.
With his long stride, he was able to catch up to her relatively quickly, her little legs not taking her nearly as far as she would've liked as Matt managed to get in front of her, Caitlyn crashing into him before she even realized it was her dad.
"Caitlyn, baby-" He spoke through her cries, Matt gently holding onto her to keep her from running any further, the man not wanting to risk losing her in the crowd again as people watched on at the scene in front of them. "It's okay-"
"No!" She cried desperately, Casey feeling as if his chest was being ripped in half as his worst fears were coming true. "No! Mommy's hurt!" She sobbed, Matt blinking back his own tears as Caitlyn's little body collapsed down onto her ground, her knees tucked up to her chest as her cries just kept coming.
And this, right now, is exactly why he was scared to bring her here. Why he didn't want to bring her here. Because he knew she couldn't handle it, he was seeing first hand how she wasn't able to deal with this, the sound of her cries breaking his heart all over again as he scooped her into his arms.
"I want Mommy!" She choked out, her arms wrapping around his neck tightly as Matt lifted them up off the ground.
"I know… I know." He murmured, Matt doing his best to ignore the concerned stares from everyone around him, knowing Caitlyn's breakdown had caused quite the scene. But he didn't care about that, as his mind was solely focused on making sure his daughter was okay.
But just because he wasn't focused on the bystanders, that didn't mean he loved them all staring at him and Caitlyn, Matt knowing the last thing she needed right now was an audience, as she tried to come to grips with what happened. So once she was securely in his arms, he walked away from the waiting room and all the people there, Matt comforting her as best as he could as he headed back down the hallway towards Gabby's room.
He wasn't going to make her go back in, he would never do that to her, but he knew that area was much more secluded, as Gabby's hospital room was near the end of the hall. And it would give him a place to let Caitlyn calm down, as the girl needed time to process just how badly hurt her mother was.
By the time they'd gotten close to Gabby's room, Caitlyn's sobs had shrunk down to muffled cries, her tears no doubt staining his jacket as he carried her, Matt's steps slowing down the closer he got to Gabby's room before he came to a complete stop, the man sitting down in one of the vacant chairs up against the wall. Caitlyn refused to let go of him as they got situated, her little legs on either side of him as her head was buried into his neck. Before even saying a word, Matt looked over to find Jemma standing just outside of Gabby's room, the heartbroken look in her eye saying more than words ever could as Matt shook his head slightly, before returning his attention back to Caitlyn.
"It's okay." He murmured as his hand ran up and down her back, her body shaking under his hold as he fought off the tears welling in his eyes. "It'll be okay."
"Mommy's hurt." Her words were hard to hear through her tears and her face being pressed up against him, but with her close proximity he was able to make out what she said, Matt's eyes closing tightly as he leaned his head against hers.
"I know." He whispered, his voice breaking as another cry left her lips, the weight of all this something that was far too much for Caitlyn to bear. "I know she's hurt right now, baby."
"I want her better." She cried, her pleas causing a few lone tears to leak from his eyes as he instinctively held onto her tighter. "I need Mommy."
Casey sat there helplessly as Caitlyn continued to cry for her mother, the father knowing there wasn't much else could do besides let her get all this out. So that's exactly what he did, Matt just holding onto her while she cried, occasional pleads for her mom escaping her lips as Caitlyn's little mind did what she could to grasp the reality of the situation.
He wasn't sure how long they sat there, and truthfully he didn't care, Matt more worried about his oldest daughter than anything else right now. But eventually, her cries subsided, Caitlyn now just trying to steady her breathing, while a few occasional hiccups left her lips. Casey never stopped rubbing her back, his steady heartbeat something that calmed her down as Caitlyn stayed cuddled into him, Matt waiting until he was sure she was alright before he would start preparing them to leave.
This was a bad idea, he knew it from the start, and the best thing he could do now was take his girls' home. He tried to do the right thing, to do what Caitlyn needed, but all he did was end up causing her more pain. This had only made an impossible situation even worse, Matt knowing he should've put his foot down and not brought them here.
He knew Caitlyn thought she wanted to be here, that she begged and pleaded to come, but even though she thought she wanted to see Gabby, he knew better. He was the parent, it was his responsibility to make this decision for her, and he failed, Matt knowing this guilt would linger around for awhile as he'd done nothing but make this harder for Caity. And he hated himself for it.
"Matthew…"
Casey looked up when heard his name being called, the man finding Ramon now just a few steps away from him, the oldest Dawson watching on with a sad look in his eye.
"How is she?" The grandfather asked softly, Matt releasing a soft sigh before shaking his head.
"She's… I think I'm just gonna take them home." He breathed out, Ramon nodding understandingly as he looked back and forth between Matt and Caitlyn. "It's for the best, they don't need to be here."
"Yeah, I think you're right." Ramon agreed softly, Matt looking up at him before he continued. "Do you want to go see Gabby before you go? I can sit with Caitlyn." He offered, Casey breathing in deeply before he nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I do." He murmured, Matt wanting to say a quick goodbye to his wife before he left, especially considering he wasn't sure if he'd be able to make it back over here tonight. Not after the way today had gone. "I'll only be a minute, but-"
"I wanna see Mommy."
Matt stopped himself when he heard Caitlyn's voice, his face falling as she lifted herself up to look at him, the father instantly recognizing that look of determination in her teary eyes; it was the same look he often got from his wife.
"Caitlyn…"
"I want to." She said again, the little girl sniffling as Casey rubbed over her side, Matt not sure where this sudden change of heart had come from. "I wanna see Mommy."
"Baby, you don't have to go back in there." He tried again, Matt almost certain he wasn't going to let her back into that room. He already made the mistake of bringing them here, he didn't want to let her go in there again, only to end up more upset than she already was.
But if the look in her eye was any indication, he might not have a choice.
"This is all really scary, and I know it's hard to be here. Mommy isn't like Mommy right now, so you don't need to go in there, baby." He told her, Caitlyn shaking her head defiantly despite the tears in her eyes. "It's okay if you just want to go home."
"I want to see Mommy." She repeated once more, Matt releasing another sigh as Caitlyn began to slide down off his lap. "I'm sad, but I want to see her." She tried to convince him, Casey sparing a quick glance up to Ramon before looking back down at his daughter.
"Caity-"
He was barely able to get any words out before she turned and began walking back towards Gabby's room that was nearly straight across from them, Matt standing up immediately as he didn't want her going back in there. But by the time he got to her it was too late to stop her as Caitlyn stepped in through the open doorway, her eyes immediately back on her mom as Casey came up behind her. Jemma was seated beside the bed, the woman looking over to find Caitlyn, Matt, and Ramon all standing there as everyone was focused on the five year old, unsure of how she'd react this time around.
But to their surprise, she continued into the room on her own, a few lingering tears falling from her eyes as she walked to the bed. The closer she got, the harder it was for her to see, as her mom was high up off the ground, but she was close enough to be able to gently reach for her hand, Caitlyn lightly holding Gabby's fingers as she stood by the edge of the bed.
Matt took a few steps forward as he watched her, his breath getting caught in his throat as he waited to see how Caitlyn would react, the father feeling his heart sink as he watched his wife and daughter.
"Hi Mommy." She whispered sadly after a few moments, tears continuing to pour down her face as she took in the sight of her mom, Caitlyn feeling a new rush of sadness course through her when she got no response. "Daddy." She whimpered as she turned her head to look back at him, Matt immediately hurrying to her side as Jemma got up and moved out of the way.
"It's okay, I'm here." He reassured her as he came up beside her, Caitlyn leaning into him as she kept a hold of her mom's fingers, the little girl not sure of what was taped to her hand, but she didn't want to hurt her, so she left it alone. "It's okay." He told her once more, Matt wrapping his arm around her as he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head.
Caitlyn nodded, blinking quickly to get rid of the tears blurring her vision before she looked back at her mom, Gabby's still body scaring her as she just wanted her mom to wake up.
They stood like this for a few minutes, Matt letting Caitlyn take the lead as she watched her mom quietly, the five year old looking over every cut and scrape and bruise covering her, as the sight of her mom so hurt was hard for her. But despite what the little girl was feeling right now, she didn't want to leave, Caitlyn feeling an odd sense of comfort at being able to be with her mother, even though she wasn't awake.
"Can I sit with her?" Caitlyn asked suddenly as she looked back to her dad, Matt glancing up towards Gabby before he nodded.
"Yeah, of course baby." He told her as Caitlyn dropped her mom's hand, Matt adjusting Gabby's arm slightly to give the little girl more room before he lifted Caitlyn up onto the bed, placing her little body next to Gabby's waist. "Just be careful, alright? Your mom is still a little hurt, and try not to lean back because she hurt her leg, okay?" He warned her gently, the five year old nodding as she was barely touching Gabby's side, Caitlyn not wanting to risk hurting her.
Now that she had a better look of her mom, Caitlyn slowly reached out to place her small hand over Gabby's stomach, the girl just wanting to be as close to her as possible after not being able to see her for so long.
"I'm sorry you're hurt, Mommy." She spoke quietly, Matt reaching out to rub over Caitlyn's back while she spoke to her mom. "I don't like that you're hurt. Cause I miss you, and you're not here." She continued on, Caitlyn doing what she could to explain her thoughts to her mom, even though she didn't necessarily understand Gabby couldn't hear her. "Daddy's sad, too… And Sof. We all miss you." She said shakily, her voice breaking as tears flooded the eyes of everyone in the room. "We miss you lots, me and Sof. And Daddy… I want you better. So you can come home and play."
Matt had to force himself to keep it together as Caitlyn continued talking to Gabby, her innocence breaking his heart as he wished there was something he could do to make this easier on them.
"But we don't have to play, I just want you better because I miss you. Because everyone's sad without you." She told her, more tears streaming down her face as she focused on her mom. "I'm sad without you, and I want you to come home… Daddy says you're sleeping, and you need to get more sleep to get better. But I hope you're better soon, because we miss you, Mommy."
Her voice was barely audible by the time she finished speaking, Caitlyn's body trembling slightly as she tried to understand the emotions she was feeling. But it was hard for her, the little girl looking back towards her dad to find an equally sad look in his eyes. Before she said anything, he lifted his hand up to cup the back of her head, Matt giving her a watery smile as he stroked her hair.
"Can I give her a hug?" She asked, her voice apprehensive almost like she was afraid she wouldn't be able to. But she relaxed instantly when her dad gave her a nod, Caitlyn turning back towards her mom just as her father spoke up.
"Of course you can, I'm sure that'll help make her feel better." He spoke, Caitlyn smiling through her tears. "Just be careful, alright?" He reminded her once more, the little girl nodding before she gently leaned down towards her mom.
Matt could tell by her movements that Caitlyn was afraid to hurt her, but she eventually rested her head down against Gabby's chest, her body resting over her mom's as her arms were placed softly against her side. Caitlyn was as close to her as she could get, without holding onto her too tight, and it was a sight that was as endearing as it was heartbreaking.
Especially when Caitlyn's emotions won over once more.
He wasn't sure if it was one thing in particular, or if it was just the weight of everything all at once, but mere seconds after she was resting against her mom, the tears came back with a vengeance, Caitlyn's soft cries soon turning into sobs as Gabby laid motionless beneath her. And the longer she laid there, the more intense her cries became, Matt knowing there was nothing for him to do except to sit here and let her cry. No matter how painful it was for all of them, he knew Caitlyn needed to get this out, she needed this moment with her mom, her small body desperately clinging to her mother as she cried out for her.
"Mommy, wake up! I don't want you to go." She cried out, Casey choking back a sob off his own as Caitlyn finally let out what was left of everything she'd been feeling for the past four days, the little girl's heart broken as all she wanted was for her mom to be okay.
And for as much as Matt wished he could promise her that she'd be alright, he knew he couldn't, there not a dry eye in the room as the little girl continued pleading to her mom, Casey hoping this nightmare would be over sooner rather than later. But he had no way to know if it would, as Caitlyn's frightened voice hit his ears once more.
"Please come back Mommy... Don't leave me."