Hello everyone! Let me just start by saying I'm sorry there was no update last week. I've had a lot going on, personally, and wasn't able to completely focus on writing. Or at least not enough to get the chapter done in time. But I am sorry about that, I hate not updating for you all because I know some of you look forward to these updates every week and I feel so bad when I can't get chapters posted for you. But I really was just not able to write, that's why nothing got posted. So I'm truly sorry for that, but hopefully this was worth the wait.
I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this one, thank you so much for reading!
I hope you all have a good week. Stay safe, everyone.
Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Eight
Matt sat quietly in the chair beside his wife's bed in the dimly lit hospital room, Ramon and Jemma in the chairs across the room on the other side of her the bed, while Caitlyn was in the same place she'd been for maybe the last half hour or so, her little body curled up against her mother's while she held onto her. Thankfully the tears had stopped a few minutes ago, but Caitlyn had yet to make any move away from her mom, her head resting against Gabby's side as the steady rise and fall of her chest kept her calm. And while she laid there, Caitlyn did her best to not touch her mom's leg, or the arm that was being held up close to her chest, as the last thing she'd ever want to do was hurt her mom. But what she did do was keep her little hand over Gabby's stomach, while staying as close to her as she possibly could, the contact helping her feel better even if it wasn't the same as one of her mom's hugs.
And Casey was fine to let her stay right there for as long as she needed.
When they had come back in here for the second time, and the sobs had started soon after, there was a little voice in the back of Matt's head telling him he wasn't sure how long he should let Caity stay in here. It was the same voice that kept him from letting her come in the first place, as his biggest fear was doing more harm than good to his little girl who was obviously struggling. But after Caitlyn had come in here, and he saw the way she clung to her mom as tightly as she could, he knew he couldn't make her leave. At some point he'd probably have to, but for now, he would let her stay for as long as she wanted, as even through the tears he could see how much this was helping her.
Caitlyn had calmed down considerably since she first got in here, and now it was like the best thing for her was just to lie here with Gabby. So that's what Matt would let her do, the father staying close by so Caitlyn and Gabby both knew he was still here, even though he wasn't sure if Gabby was aware of anything going on around her. But still, just in case she was, he wanted her to know he was here, his chair as close to them as he could get while one hand rested over Caitlyn, the other holding gently on his wife's knee. The hunched over position wasn't entirely comfortable for him, but truthfully he didn't care, as his mind was on nothing but his girls right now.
"Daddy?"
Matt snapped out of his thoughts when he heard his daughter's voice, his eyes coming into focus as Caitlyn turned her head back to look at him, his heart nearly breaking all over again when he saw her red, teary eyes.
"Yeah baby?" He asked gently as he ran his hand over her back, the child sniffling softly before she spoke up.
"Is Mommy gonna wake up soon?" She asked quietly, her voice barely above a whisper from the fact she hadn't talked much here recently, Matt forcing in a deep breath as her expectant eyes focused on him. "I miss her."
"I know." He was quick to answer, Casey blinking back a few tears hiding in his eyes as he looked between Caitlyn and Gabby. "And she misses you, too."
"She does?" The five year old asked, Matt immediately nodding with furrowed brows.
"Of course she does." He answered her, Caitlyn sniffling once more as she lifted a hand up to wipe away some of the lingering water on her skin.
"How do you know?" She questioned back, Matt pursing his lips together as he saw a look he couldn't quite read flash across his daughter's face, before a hint of hopefulness appeared in her eyes. "Did Mommy tell you? Was she awake?"
Casey's face fell the second he registered her words, the father knowing Caitlyn's excitement at the idea had made her forget about how she knew her mom hadn't woken up, Matt feeling his heart sink into his stomach as he knew he'd have to remind her of that. Breathing in deeply, he spared a quick glance across the room to Ramon and Jemma, finding both of them watching with sorrowful looks on their faces, clearly paying close attention to see how he'd handle this.
"No, honey… she didn't." He answered her regretfully, that promising look in her eye disappearing quickly as Matt saw her subconsciously lean closer to her mom. "She hasn't woken up yet, remember?" Casey continued on, Caitlyn keeping quiet for a moment before she gave him a slow nod.
"Yeah." She replied, her voice barely audible as her eyes moved back to Gabby, Caitlyn taking in the sight of her mom once more before she gave her attention to her dad. "But how do you know?" The five year old asked again, the dejected tone in her voice piercing straight through him as he continued rubbing her side. "You know she misses me?"
"I do." He answered without hesitation, the father clearing his throat as he sat up a little straighter in his seat. "I don't need to hear her say it to know your Momma misses you, Caity." He continued to try and explain, but by the look on her face, he could tell he wasn't doing the best job.
"How?" She questioned back once more, Matt drawing in another steadying breath before he responded.
"Well… I know, because I know your mom." He told her, Caitlyn's curious eyes staying locked on him while he spoke. "I've known her for a long time, honey… A really long time. And so what that means, is I know that even though she's sleeping, she misses you more than anything." Casey explained in the simplest way he knew how, though he wasn't sure how much she was grasping. But he continued on anyway. "If there's one thing I know about her, it's that right now, all she wants is to be here with you." His words were soft, Matt seeing the exact moment Caitlyn began to process what he was saying as a small smile formed across her sad face. "She'd want to be here with you, and me, and with Sof… all of us."
Blinking back a few tears, Caitlyn nodded once more from the safety of her mother's side, the little girl rubbing her hand gently over Gabby's stomach, almost like she was trying to comfort her as well. "You know she wants to be here with us." She spoke, though her tone was no longer questioning, Matt giving her a nod as Caitlyn watched him. "Because you know Mommy." She stated, her words causing a small, sad smile to form over Ramon's face as the grandfather looked between Caitlyn and his unconscious daughter.
"I do." Matt answered with a watery smile of his own, the husband squeezing Gabby's knee instinctively as he spoke. "I do know her."
"So you know when she'll wake up?" Caitlyn was quick to ask, that hopeful look soon returning to her face, Casey's smile faltering once more as she slowly shook his head. It was clear to him that she still didn't really understand what he was saying, that her little mind wasn't able to grasp what he meant, and he wasn't sure how to help her.
"I don't, baby… I wish I did." He replied softly, Caitlyn biting down on her lip to keep her tears at bay as she tried to work through her confusion at what was being told to her. Though it wasn't helping much as those same tears began to slowly stream down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, Caity, I really wish I knew when she was going to wake up. I'd give anything for her to be here right now." He murmured as the little girl continued to cling to Gabby's side. "But she's trying, alright? I know she's trying to wake up… Her body just needs rest." He finished as a few lone tears escaped his eyes as well, Matt rubbing his daughter's back as comfortingly as he could.
"I want her to come back." She whispered, her voice unsteady as she looked up at Gabby, her chin resting gently against the side of her mom's chest as she wrapped her small arm across her waist. "I know you're sleeping Mommy, but when you feel better, please come back."
Casey watched on with sorrow-filled eyes as their daughter spoke to Gabby, her words now nearly as hard to hear as her sobs from earlier as he could hear the desperation in her little voice. And, as her father, he wished there was something he could do to help her, Matt wanting to do anything he could to get rid of this helpless feeling he'd had since Gabby was hurt.
"She'll come back, baby." He said before he could stop himself, Ramon watching him closely as he spoke with the little girl. "She just needs time, but everything will be okay." He continued to assure her, even though everyone in the room, aside from Caitlyn, knew those were promises he had no control over keeping. "Your mom will be fine."
Caitlyn nodded slowly, the little girl not taking her eyes off of her mom as he continued to lay with her, a few stray tears falling from the little girl's cheeks down on Gabby's hospital gown. It wasn't the most comfortable position to be in, but Caitlyn didn't mind it, the five year old just wanting to be as close to her mom as possible while also being able to see her. With her little hand still resting on top of her mom, Caitlyn rubbed her palm gently over Gabby's stomach, which was something she'd seen her mom do plenty of times before. It was something that would always make Caitlyn feel better when she was sick, whether it was from her mom or dad, her parent's rubbing her stomach always helped her, so she thought maybe now it would help her mom. She wasn't sure if it was the same, her mind still just trying to grasp what all was going on, but she couldn't help but think that if the gesture was something that had made her feel better in the past, that it would help her mom now.
"Mommy will be fine." She spoke suddenly, the child repeating her father's words as he raised his eyebrows, Matt unable to see her as her back was facing him. "Mommy is strong, she will be okay." Caitlyn continued on, her shaky voice hard for them to hear as Matt's head hung forward slightly, his heart feeling like it was constricting in his chest. "Right Daddy?" She asked as she turned her head back, the little girl seeing the tears in his eyes as a sad smile formed over his lips. "Mommy always tells me I'm strong… you and Mommy do." She told him, Matt doing his best to hold back his tears as Caitlyn watched him, Ramon and Jemma both looking on at the heart wrenching scene.
His little girl was right, Matt knowing just how often he and Gabby had told Caitlyn how strong she was. And, after explaining to her exactly what it meant, it was something that she had loved to hear, her words now causing Matt to breathe in deeply before he nodded in agreement.
"We do." He replied, his voice getting caught in his throat as his eyes flashed across the room to Ramon and Jemma, both wearing similarly sad looks on their faces.
"Yeah… You tell me I'm strong, but so is Mommy." She repeated, Casey swallowing the emotion in his throat as the five year old looked back to Gabby. "You're strong, Mommy. You'll be okay."
It was hard for any of the adults to keep it together as Caitlyn spoke, all eyes focused on the little girl as they watched her give her mom a hug, or as much of one as she could, before cuddling back into her side, clearly wanting to be close to her again.
And while she laid there, a calm quiet filled the room, the only sounds being that coming from all of Gabby's monitors, along with occasional sniffles from Caitlyn, the daughter matching her mother's breathing while they all sat there silently. But it was a quiet that none of them necessarily minded, and one some of them needed as Matt was still trying to process what all Caitlyn had said.
But he didn't have much time to focus on it as Caitlyn suddenly began shifting around on the bed beside her mom, Matt snapping out of his thoughts when he registered the movement as he watched Caitlyn slowly pushing herself up. She was moving carefully, obviously not wanting to hurt her mom, as she turned to sit on the edge of the bed.
"You okay, baby?" He asked as Caitlyn looked up at him, Matt unsure of why she was getting up. But with as difficult and draining as all of this had been, he wouldn't have been surprised if she was ready to go. "Do you wanna go home?"
The second those words left his lips, the little girl's eyes widened before she quickly shook her head side to side, the gesture telling Matt that wasn't at all what she wanted.
"I don't wanna leave Mommy." She voiced soon after, Casey nodding understandingly as his eyebrows furrowed slightly, still unsure of what she was doing. "I don't wanna go."
"Okay, we don't have to." He assured her, watching as she relaxed almost instantly before nodding. "We can stay with your Momma a little longer."
"Okay." She replied, the little girl still fidgeting around on the bed before looking back up to her dad. "I have to go potty." She told him, her movement suddenly making sense to him as he gave her a nod before he began to help her down off the bed.
With his hands underneath her arms, Matt gently placed her down on the ground, Caitlyn sparing a quick glance back towards her mom before she took a slight step forward. "There's a bathroom right in here honey, you can go ahead." He told her as he pointed over towards the door behind where Jemma was sitting, Caitlyn nodding understandingly before she began walking in that direction.
He watched her as she stepped around Jemma and went into the small room, the little girl closing the door behind her leaving the three of them alone in the room. And the second she was out of sight, Casey released a heavy sigh, his head falling down into his hands as his elbows rested on his thighs while he took this minute alone to gather himself.
Though he wasn't really alone, he knew that, as he could feel both Jemma and Ramon staring at him. But without Caitlyn here to watch him, he knew he finally had a chance to take a breath, Matt doing all he could to push down the emotions desperate to get out. He couldn't completely break down, not here with Caitlyn, not when she needed him to be strong for her. So these few minutes alone gave him the time to try and compose himself, even though it was a difficult task.
"...You okay, son?" Ramon spoke up after a few quiet moments, Casey sucking in a deep breath before slowly shaking his head against his palms, Ramon and Jemma sharing a worried look that Matt wasn't able to see as he fought off the headache forming behind his eyes.
"No… I'm not." He answered honestly, his voice hard to hear as his head was still angled towards the ground. But despite that, they were able to make out what he said, a deep frown settling in over Jemma's features as she watched Casey try and pull himself together.
Lifting his head up, the man straightening his spine before shaking out his neck a bit, Matt taking a few short breaths before finally looking across the room towards the two other people in the room with him and Gabby. And the second he did, he immediately noticed the concerned looks shining back at him, but that wasn't something he had time to focus on right now.
"Matthew-"
"I just… Can we not do this? Please." He nearly begged when Ramon spoke up once more, the man stopping his sentence abruptly before giving Casey a soft nod. "I- I know you're just trying to help, but I can't do it right now, I'm sorry." He breathed out, knowing if they tried to give him any sort of condolences, or assurances, he likely wouldn't be able to keep himself together.
And based on the looks he was receiving from them, they both understood it.
"Alright. Whatever you need, Matt." Ramon replied without a fight, Matt blinking quickly before he nodded gratefully, his teary eyes flashing down towards his watch to check the time as another shaky breath left his lips.
"Thank you." He barely got the words out as he cleared his throat, Casey shaking his head lightly once more before finding Ramon's gaze. "Do you, uh… I need to go check on Sofia, do you mind to sit with her for a bit until I get back?"
The second those words left his lips, a heavy feeling settled in his gut, as the last thing he wanted to do right now was leave Caitlyn. But being in this room right now, it was hard, and he needed a minute away to regroup and breathe. Not to mention, Caitlyn wasn't his only baby who needed him right now, Matt feeling compelled to go check on his youngest daughter to make sure she was alright. And with Caitlyn's insistence that she didn't want to leave Gabby's side, Matt knew he couldn't make her, the father coming to understand he'd have to leave Caitlyn for a few moments to check on Sofia.
Across the room, Ramon's eyebrows raised slightly, the man a bit surprised by the request as he hadn't expected Matt to go anywhere away from this room if he could help it. But through his shock, he could also see the exhaustion in Casey's eyes, the firefighter unable to mask just how drained he was as it was clear he needed to get out of here for a few minutes, Ramon more than willing to help in whatever way was needed. And while the older Dawson wasn't entirely sure whether Matt was referring to Gabby, or to Caitlyn, or both, he nodded nonetheless, Ramon watching as Casey released a heavy breath before offering him a weak smile.
"Of course, I don't mind at all." He replied, Matt nodding once more as he shifted towards the edge of his seat.
"Thanks Ramon-"
"Daddy!"
The sound of Caitlyn calling for him from the other room stopped their conversation, the father's focus shifting to his daughter before he pushed himself up from his seat and immediately headed towards the bathroom, his eyebrows furrowed as he wasn't sure what Caitlyn needed. It was a short walk, the destination mere steps away as he came to a stop just in front of the closed door. Despite the fact she called for him, he knocked regardless, Matt wanting to give her her privacy if she still needed it as it wasn't often, if ever, that Caitlyn needed help from them anymore with this specific task.
"You okay, honey?" He asked when she had yet to say anything..
"I need help." Her small voice filtered through the closed door, Matt not needing to hear anything else before he slowly opened the door, the father soon finding his daughter standing at the sink before he stepped into the room, Casey closing the door behind him. "I can't reach." She spoke before he could question her, her little arms reaching up towards the soap dispenser that was surprisingly high up on the wall, Matt smiling softly before he moved to help her.
Holding her up slightly off the ground, Casey helped her get some soap before he continued to hold her while she washed her hands, the father balancing her weight on his bent leg as she was a little too short to complete this part on her own. And soon enough, she was all done, Matt placing her back down on the ground before grabbing a paper towel for her to dry off her hands.
"Thank you, Daddy." She told him as she threw her trash away, Matt nodding with the same soft smile before he leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head.
"You're welcome, sweetheart." He replied, kissing her head once more before they both moved towards the door, Caitlyn walking out first with Matt following behind her as they got back into Gabby's room.
The second her mom came into view, it was like the somber mood returned to the little girl, Caitlyn frowning deeply as she looked at Gabby before she instinctively reached for her dad's hand. Silently, she walked back over to the bed, pulling Matt along behind her as her gaze stayed focused on her mom, the two coming to a stop beside her bed before Caitlyn eventually looked away from Gabby towards her dad.
"Daddy?" She asked, her small hand still clasped tightly in his as she held onto a few of his fingers, Matt giving her his complete attention before responding.
"Yeah baby?"
"Can I tell her stories?" Caitlyn questioned, the father's face softening as her brown eyes shined up at him. "I think stories might help… When I'm sad and don't feel good, stories help me feel better."
A small smile formed over the man's lips, his chest tightening at her child-like innocence as he knew she just wanted to do whatever she could to help her mom, Caitlyn going through the list of things he and Gabby did for her whenever she didn't feel well. And though it wasn't really the same thing, Caitlyn wasn't able to understand that, as all she wanted to do was help Gabby.
"I could tell her stories about me and Sof, and tell her about what we did at home while she was here." She continued to explain, Matt nodding supportively while giving her hand a squeeze.
"I think that's a great idea, honey." He told her, watching the small, yet proud, smile appear over her face before she nodded. "I know your Momma would love to hear about what you and Sof have been doing." He continued, Matt dropping her hand long enough to lift her back up onto the bed, as he knew that's where she'd want to be.
The second she was on the bed, Caitlyn carefully turned so she was facing her mom, the five year old being mindful as to not touch her leg as she crawled her way closer to Gabby. She was trying to be careful, Caitlyn not wanting to hurt her, but she also wanted to be closer to her, the daughter now sitting up by her torso as she reached out to gently rest her hand over her mom's upper chest. Watching the scene in front of him, Casey wasn't entirely sure what she was doing, but she was still shifting around, the father wincing as he worried she was putting too much pressure on Gabby's body, even unintentionally.
"Caity, be careful sweetheart." He warned gently as his eyes moved to the deep bruise across Gabby's collarbone that peaked out from underneath her hospital gown, the mark having been left behind by the weight of the gurney that had crushed her in the back of that ambulance. Logically, he knew Caitlyn was sitting on the opposite side of her body from where that injury was, and that she likely wasn't even close enough to it to cause any real pain, but he also didn't know. He had no idea what Gabby felt, or didn't feel, right now, and if that bruise was as painful as it looked, he didn't want to risk it. So with Caitlyn's hand resting in the middle of Gabby's chest, he knew she was getting a little too close to where her body took the brunt of the impact from that gurney on top of her, and he didn't want to chance anything.
"Sorry Daddy." She apologized quickly, the five year old removing her hands from Gabby within seconds, almost like she'd been burned, as she was afraid to hurt her. But he merely shook his head before moving closer to her, Matt reaching out to touch Gabby's uninjured arm as a sign that it was alright.
"It's okay. And you can touch her, like you were before, just be careful where she's hurt, alright?" He reminded her, Caitlyn nodding before reaching out to gently hold onto Gabby just below where her father was.
"Okay." She replied, Matt giving her a soft smile before he pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head.
"Alright… Well, Caity, while you stay here with your Momma, I'm gonna go check on Sof for a few minutes, okay?" He told her, Casey seeing her immediate reaction as her body tensed slightly before glancing back towards him.
"You're leaving?" She questioned quietly, obviously not liking the idea of being in here without him. And her hesitation sent a few sharp pains through his chest, Casey more than willing to push aside his need for a break to stay in here with her, had it not been for Sofia.
"I'll be back, I promise." He assured her within seconds, his hand coming out to rest over her back. "Your abuelo will be in here with you, and so will Jemma." He spoke, Caitlyn's eyes moving across the room to the other two people in there with them before she looked back to her dad. "I just need to go check on your sister, make sure she's doing okay."
"Can she not come here?" Caitlyn asked as Matt pursed his lips together. He wasn't sure if her question came from the idea of not wanting him to leave, or if it stemmed from a place where she wanted Sofia to see Gabby, or maybe it was a little of both. But whatever the reason, he had no plans to bring Sofia anywhere near this room. "She should see Mommy, too." Her small voice hit his ears, Matt drawing in a deep breath as Caitlyn kept going. "She's sad without Mommy… she cries a lot because she misses her."
"I know she does, honey." He murmured in response, his hand moving softly up and down her back.
"She should be here." She tried once more, Caitlyn not picking up on the regretful look that covered his face. "She could see Mommy and feel better."
Casey shook his head slowly, the action causing Caitlyn's face to fall before he spoke up. "I think she's too young to see your Momma right now, Caity." He told her, though it was clear she wasn't entirely thrilled with that answer. "She won't understand what's going on."
"But she misses her." She pushed quietly, Matt releasing a soft sigh before nodding.
"I know, but all this I think would be too much for her." He tried to explain, but he wasn't sure how much he was getting through to her, Matt knowing he'd need to put this is easier terms for her to understand. "...You know how when you first came in here to see your mom, you got really sad and really scared?" He asked her, Caitlyn frowning out of instinct before she nodded. "But then I told you it would be okay, and that Mommy just needed to rest?"
"Yeah."
"Well, it's hard to do that with Sof, because she's still little. And sometimes she doesn't understand what's happening." He spoke, Matt slowly seeing that realization start to set in over his daughter's face. "So if she saw Mommy, she would probably just get really scared, but we wouldn't be able to help her feel better, like I helped you." He said gently, Caitlyn's eyebrows furrowing for a minute before she spoke up.
"Because she doesn't understand like me." She repeated his words, Matt nodding with a sad smile over his face. "You tell me it's okay, and I know it's okay. But you tell Sof, and she doesn't know." She said simply, Matt giving her another nod. "So even if Sof misses her, you shouldn't bring her." She continued on, like she was trying to wrap her mind around what was being told to her. "Because she'd get sad."
"Yeah, that's right." He replied sadly, Caitlyn taking a few short breaths as she looked back towards Gabby, the five year old clearly deep in thought about something. But it wasn't until she spoke up that he realized what was on her mind.
"...But Mommy misses her, too?" She asked carefully, Matt swallowing down the lump forming in his throat as Caitlyn turned towards him. "Like she misses me, she misses Sof too?"
"Of course she does." He answered without a thought, Caitlyn pausing for a moment before she nodded slowly. "She misses all of us… Especially you and Sof." He told her sadly, Matt scratching her back lightly as she took in his words. "She misses both you girls so much, just like you miss her." He finished, Caitlyn going quiet for a moment as she leaned back into her dad's hand, it taking nearly a minute of silence before she finally replied.
"...You too, Daddy." She told him, her voice barely above a whisper as his eyebrows slightly furrowed, Matt unsure of what she meant. "I know Mommy misses you lots, too."
Fresh tears filled his eyes as he gave her a watery smile, Matt blinking quickly as he nodded, his gaze moving back towards Gabby. "Yeah, I miss her too." He murmured, clearing his throat as he did what he could to keep his emotions in check, the husband watching Gabby for a few lingering seconds before returning his eyes to Caitlyn. "We all miss her, just like she misses us… But it'll all be okay." He reassured her once more, Caitlyn nodding with a sad smile of her own before she looked back to her mom, Matt knowing now was as good a time as any to go check on his youngest, especially after what all Caitlyn had just said.
He knew she was trying to make him feel better, his and Gabby's compassionate girl always wanting to help. But her words struck a nerve with him that he wasn't expecting, an overwhelming sense of what only felt like dread flooding his system as he was forced to confront just how much he missed his wife. And it wasn't necessarily a great feeling, Matt rubbing over his daughter's back once more before he dropped his hand.
"Caity, I'm gonna go check on your sister, alright? But I'll be back… Why don't you start telling your Momma those stories." He suggested, knowing it would be a good distraction while he wasn't in the room, the five year old giving him a nod before she began to talk to her mom, Matt taking a few steps away to get towards the door.
Before he got there, he came to a stop as he glanced towards his father-in-law and his friend, Matt breathing in deeply before he spoke up. "Thank you." He said quietly, his eyes moving back towards the bed for a split second as Ramon got up from his seat.
"Of course… You go check on your other baby, we're fine here." Ramon spoke comfortingly, the man gripping Matt's shoulder as he passed him to get towards the bed, as he was no doubt going to claim Casey's seat while he was gone so Caitlyn had someone near her. And it was much appreciated by Matt, the father staying in place by the door until he watched Ramon sit down, his eyes then moving back towards Caitlyn to find her still speaking to Gabby like they were having a conversation.
"I keep trying to help Sof learn the words, but she's not good at it yet."
Though he wasn't entirely sure what the little girl was talking about, he had a feeling she was telling Gabby about how she'd been trying to help Sofia learn the words to the songs in their favorite movie, the film a comfort of sorts for the five year old as it had been on a lot of the last couple of days.
"But it's still fun to watch movies with her." Caitlyn continued on, her voice a lot more animated than Matt was expecting while she spoke to Gabby. But it was a sight he was glad to see, Matt watching her for one last moment before he headed out of the room, knowing his oldest daughter was in good hands.
When he was out in the hallway, Casey gently pulled the door closed behind him before he began heading for the waiting room, the walk somewhat far as they were down at the end of the hall. But soon enough he got there, though Matt wasn't expecting Kelly or Sofia to be here as this wasn't where he'd left them. And with one quick scan of the crowded room, he was proven right, Matt continuing on past the nurses station further off down the hallway towards the much more secluded waiting room.
It was a little more of a walk, but when he got around the corner he was glad that he told Severide to bring Sofia here, as there were maybe ten other people in this room, the father's eyes quickly finding his little girl over by the back wall. She was sitting in Severide's lap, Sofia clearly having woken up from her nap at some point as she looked completely alert, the baby chomping away on some of her snacks while Kelly held the iPad in front of her.
From first glance alone, she seemed completely content, which Casey was beyond grateful for as he continued further into the room, Severide seeing him first as he caught movement out of the corner of his eye.
When he saw his friend, Kelly offered him a weak smile before looking down towards Sofia, the one year old more focused on getting a few more cheerios into her mouth than anything else as the man placed the tablet down on the chair beside them. "Sof… There's your Dada." Severide spoke, using the word he knew the baby would understand as she looked up instantly, a bright smile forming across her crumb-covered chin when she saw Matt.
Within a second, she was fighting to get down, Severide moving the food out of the way before helping her down onto the tile floor, Sofia dropping what little food she had in her fists down on Kelly's lap while she moved. And the second she was on the floor, she took off towards her dad, the little girl waddling over to him as fast as she could while Casey crouched down towards the ground just in time for her to get to him.
"Dada!" She shrieked happily, the noise and movement gaining the attention of some of the people around them as they watched the heartwarming scene in front of them.
"Hi baby." He greeted as her body collided into his, Sofia nearly trying to crawl up onto him as she was desperate to be with him, Matt just glad to see that aside from her obvious clinginess, she seemed to be doing alright. "I missed you, sweet girl." He murmured, pressing kisses to her head as he slowly stood up with her in his arms, Sofia tucking her head into his neck as he began to walk back towards Severide. "Were you good for Uncle Kelly while I was gone?" He asked, though his words were more for Severide than anyone else as he knew Sofia wouldn't understand him, the father rubbing over her back comfortingly while glancing over to Kelly. "...She do alright?" He questioned as he took a seat in the free chair beside his friend, Severide nodding as he brushed the crumbs off his clothes than Sofia had left behind.
"Yeah, she's been fine." He asked, a small smile forming over his face when he looked at the little girl cuddled in her dad's lap. "She slept most of the time, she only just woke up maybe ten, fifteen minutes ago… She was a little confused at first, just cause I don't think she knows where we are, but once I gave her snacks and juice, and put her show on, she didn't seem to really care anymore." Severide explained, Matt nodding as he continued rubbing over his daughter's back, Sofia gripping onto his shirt tightly with her little fist. "We've just been sitting here while she eats, but she's alright."
"Good, that's good." He replied softly, Severide looking up at his friend as he held onto his daughter, Casey's exhaustion evident as he placed a soft kiss on top of Sofia's curly-haired head.
"What about you?" Kelly questioned, his words gaining Matt's attention as Casey looked his way. "How did things go in there?" He pressed, Severide nodding off down the hallway in the general direction of Gabby's room, despite being pretty far away from her right now.
Drawing in a deep breath, Matt thought over his words for a moment before finally coming up with an answer, the man clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth before responding. "I… I think okay, right now at least." He breathed out, Severide raising his eyebrows slightly as he waited for more. "It was hard at first, Caitlyn she- she freaked out the second she saw Gabby. Bolted from the room, I had to chase her down the hallway." He explained, a look of surprise mixed with hurt covering Severide's face as Matt continued. "But I got her calmed down and she still wanted to see Gabby, so we did… It was hard, one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with, but I think it helped… In the long run, I think it will help. Caitlyn's doing a little better now. As good as she can be, I think." He did his best to explain what was going on in his head, though he wasn't sure how coherent he was as his mind was still a bit all over the place. But if Severide had any trouble understanding him, he didn't voice it. "Caity, she… she was right, she needed this. And hopefully it'll help Gabby, too."
"I'm sure it will." Kelly was quick to respond, Casey pursing his lips together before he nodded. "I know it's not really possible to know what's going on with Dawson right now, but I have a feeling she knows what's going on around her… So Caitlyn being there, talking to her, it'll only help."
Severide was strong in his words, the man clearly believing everything he was saying, even though Casey wasn't so sure. "Yeah, I hope you're right." He spoke quietly, his voice barely audible as he leaned his head down against the top of Sofia's. "I… I really hope you're right." He repeated, Kelly's eyebrows furrowing in worry at the shift in Matt's demeanor as he shifted his body slightly towards him.
"Casey…"
"I need her to wake up, Sev." He confided in his friend, this conversation not dissimilar to the one they'd had earlier today. But there was a new level of desperation in his voice that hadn't been there before, one that told Kelly just how difficult this all was. "She's got to wake up, I can't do this."
"Matt-"
"I can't sit there and watch Caitlyn cry for her mom to come back to her, I can't handle that again." He admitted, Severide's head lulling towards the ground for a moment as he was told some of what had happened in that hospital room. And it absolutely broke his heart. "There's only so much I can explain to her, because so much of this doesn't make sense to me either… But then I feel like there's more I need to be doing to help her, because this is her mom and she's scared. But hell, so am I." He vented, Severide staying quiet as he knew Matt needed to get all this out. "I'm fucking terrified I'm about to lose my wife, that she's not gonna wake up and it makes me sick, because I can't do this without her… I can't live without her." He choked out, his jaw trembling up and down as fresh tears filled his eyes. "But then I can't even focus on that because I've got two girls who need me… But I sit there in that room, and it feels like she's slipping away from me."
"Casey, man don't talk like that." Severide stepped in, the man unable to listen to Matt's words any longer as he knew that for as much as Casey needed to get this off his chest, he also knew thinking this way wouldn't help anything. "Dawson's gonna be fine-"
"You don't know that." He cut him off, Kelly breathing in deeply as Matt looked his way. "You don't… you don't know. No one knows. No one can tell me anything, except that nothing's changed, but they don't even know why she hasn't woken up… Then when she does, or if she does, there's no telling what state she'll be in… I have no idea if my wife is gonna wake up, or if she does if she'll even know what's going on, and I'm fucking terrified man. I can't lose her, the girls can't lose her… She's gotta wake up." He barely got the words out, Matt sure he was drawing the attention of some of the people around them but he didn't care, a lone tear sliding down his cheek into Sofia's hair as the baby continued to cling to him. "Gabby, she's… she's gotta be okay."
"She will be." Severide tried, but it was like Casey didn't even hear him.
"She's gotta be… I told Caitlyn she would be." He spoke, Kelly catching his gaze just before Casey shook his heads. "I… I sat there and told Caitlyn that Gabby would be okay, that'd she'd come back, but- she might not. And I don't know how to tell Caitlyn that she might lose her mom..."
"Casey-"
"She died in that ambulance, Kelly." Matt spoke abruptly, his words cutting Severide off. "She… she was dead, right in front of me. I was right there and her heart stopped… She was there one minute, and the next she wasn't." He whispered, tears filling Severide's eyes as well as Casey continued. "And yeah, we got her back… but then all the trouble she had in surgery, how they kept losing her… There's nothing to say they can get her back now."
"Matt, you can't…"
"What? Face the reality that I might very well lose my wife, and my daughters' will lose their mom?" He questioned, his voice cracking as he spoke, Kelly not knowing what to say to him to make this any better. Because there wasn't anything he could say. "Because that's pretty much all I can think about right now… And every time I end up back at the same place, that I can't do any of this without her. We need her." He finished, his words barely audible as Kelly shook his head.
"Matt, it'll be fine." Severide tried, Matt nearly shooting daggers at him before opening his mouth.
"You don't know that-"
"You have to believe everything will be fine." He clarified, his voice as firm as ever as Matt stayed quiet. "Unless something happens, you have to believe that Gabby will make it out of this… That she'll wake up and be fine. You're killing yourself over this game of what ifs, when the truth is we don't know anything. And that's not fair to you, or your girls… and it's certainly not fair to Gabby." He told him, Matt blinking back the tears in his eyes as Kelly reached out to grip his shoulder. "...This is an impossible thing, I know that, but you can't keep doing this, not until you know more about what's going on… Gabby will be fine. You believe that until you have a reason not to."
Drawing in a few slow breaths, Casey nodded, more tears slowly leaking from his eyes as Kelly continued to be a supportive presence by his side. He knew his friend was right, that he couldn't keep doing this, but it was hard under the circumstances to not think of the worst happening. But he knew he had to stop, he had to think positive; for Gabby, he'd do his best to. Because he knew that's what she would do in this situation.
"If the worst happens, we'll cross that bridge if we get there. You'll do what you have to do, and you'll take care of those girls… But we're not gonna get to that point, Gabby's gonna be fine, the girls are alright… Everything's gonna be fine." Severide repeated himself once more, Matt nodding again before refocusing his attention on Sofia, the usually rambunctious baby seemingly content in his arms as all she wanted right now was her dad, at least until she could have her mom.
With Kelly's words still hanging in the air around them, both men remained quiet for a moment, neither one moving until Sofia began to shift around in his lap before she lifted her head up, the baby meeting his bright blue eyes with her own. Without a word, she smiled up at him, before lifting her hands up to hold onto his face, almost like Sofia could sense he needed some comfort right now.
And truthfully, it worked, Matt unable to stop the small smile that appeared over his face as he watched his baby, Sofia using what strength she had to pull herself up, with his help, before giving him a sloppy kiss.
"Dada." She cooed with one of her hands still on his face, while her other was gripping onto his shirt for support, Matt's teary-eyed smile widening as Sofia grinned as well. "Dada."
"Hi baby." He murmured, rubbing over her back before pulling her in for a tight hug, the one year old needing the embrace just as much as him as she held onto her father with as much of a grip as she had. "I love you so much, Sof." He whispered against her, Sofia babbling away incoherently in his ear. "You, and your sister, and your Momma, I love all of you so much."
"Mama." She repeated, Matt smiling sadly as he pulled back, Sofia beginning to look around in hopes of seeing her mom somewhere, the action sending Casey crashing back down to reality once again.
"I know, you miss your Momma… I miss her, too." He replied, the father rubbing her back gently before he pressed a kiss to her forehead, Severide continuing to watch the scene in front of him with a look of devastation in his eyes. "But, uh… speaking of, I should probably get back." Matt spoke after clearing his throat, Kelly nodding after a moment. "I don't wanna leave Sof, but Caitlyn… I don't want her to be in there without me for too long."
"I know… but Sofia's fine." Severide assured him, Matt drawing in a slow breath before he nodded.
"Yeah, she is… And I, um- I don't want her to see Gabby, not like this, but there are some chairs outside Gabby's room, if you wouldn't mind sitting with her there… just so she's closer." Casey requested, Severide immediately nodding before reaching to gather up Sofia's things. "That way it'll be easier on me to check on her, cause I'm not sure how much longer Caitlyn's wanting to stay."
"Of course man, whatever you wanna do." Kelly replied before continuing to pack up Sofia's bag while Matt stood up with her, the baby holding onto him tightly as she rested her head down against his shoulder. And once they all had Sofia's things together, they began to head back towards Gabby's room, the walk quiet as neither one of them had anything to say.
Within minutes, they were back, Matt feeling an unexplainable heaviness in his chest the closer they got to her door, the men slowing down when they reached the chairs across the hall from her room.
"You're good to stay out here with Sof?" He checked, Kelly nodding immediately before reaching out for the little girl.
"Yeah, we're good… I'll get her show going again, she'll be fine." He assured him, Matt nodding before they completed the tradeoff.
To no one's surprise, Sofia started crying the second she was taken away from her dad, that desire to be with Matt clearly not going anywhere. But after a few minutes, once Severide had gotten situated in his seat with Sofia in his lap, and he got her favorite show playing on the iPad, she began to calm down, Matt staying close by where she could see him until he knew she was alright. Then when he was sure she was distracted, he slowly walked back to the room, Casey sparing one last glance to his youngest daughter before stepping inside.
There was a chill in the air the second he walked in, Matt immediately being met by the same scene he'd left a while ago, as Caitlyn was still perched up on the bed talking to her mom, while Ramon was sitting beside her, Jemma still in her seat across the room. And, unfortunately, as everyone was the same as when he left, so was Gabby, his wife still lying motionless on the bed.
Everything was exactly the same, and while he supposed that was a good thing, it still was hard to see no change.
"Hi Daddy."
Matt was pulled out of his headspace when he heard his daughter's voice, the man plastering a soft smile onto his face as everyone awake in the room looked back towards him.
"Hi baby… How are you doing?" He questioned as he took a few steps forward, Caitlyn breathing in deeply before she responded.
"I'm okay. I'm talking to Mommy." She replied, Matt nodding as he came to a stop at the foot of Gabby's bed while Ramon pushed himself up from his seat.
"Oh yeah? What about?" He asked softly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
But Caitlyn never got a chance to answer as one of Gabby's monitors started beeping wildly, Matt's head snapping in that direction to find her heart rate was all over the place, the sound alarming to everyone in the room.
"What's going on?" Ramon asked quickly, though he knew no one had an answer for that question as Matt hurried around the bed towards Caitlyn, the beeping on Gabby's monitor only continuing to go crazy.
And though no one knew exactly what that meant, Casey knew it wasn't good.
"I didn't hurt her." Caitlyn spoke quickly, the girl near tears as she could feel the worry in the room, Matt lifting her up off the bed and into his arms as he still wasn't sure what was happening.
"No, I know, it's not your fault." He told her quickly as more of Gabby's monitors started to go off, before Matt heard what sounded like running down the hallway.
"Daddy." Caitlyn cried just as Gabby's doctor rushed through the door, the man not getting a chance to say anything before everything suddenly just stopped.
It all stopped, as the loud haphazard beeping was now replaced by a long, constant noise, the sound telling everyone in the room that Gabby no longer had a heartbeat. And that alone had the doctor and nurses rushing to her side, Matt feeling like he could throw up at any minute as tears clouded his vision.
Gabby had flatlined. Her heart wasn't beating.
And their daughter had been in here to see the whole thing.
"Mommy!" Caitlyn cried out when she saw the doctors began to work on her, Matt being nearly pulled back to the door.
"What's going on?!" He shouted, tears flowing freely down his cheeks as he fought against whoever was pulling him. But he had to be careful, knowing Caitlyn was in his arms. "What happened to her?"
"Get him out of here!" The doctor shouted, the sound of the machine only seeming to get louder, like it was taunting him as he fought with everything he had to stay in this room.
"I'm not leaving her, what's happening?!" He yelled, the sound of Caitlyn's scared cries filling his ears as she sobbed.
"Matt, get your daughter out of here!" He ordered back as they began compressions, Gabby's body unmoving beneath them as they fought to get her back.
But from what he could tell, they couldn't.
Though he had no way to know for sure, as he'd been nearly yanked out of the room with a sobbing Caitlyn in his arms, the commotion around them causing Sofia to cry as well as the door to Gabby's room was all but slammed in his face.
And when Matt tried to get back in, he was stopped, Ramon and Severide both pulling him back while Jemma was now consoling the crying baby, Caitlyn terrified of what was happening around her as cried into her dad's shoulder.
"I need to get in there!"
"Casey, Casey- man, you can't. You can't." Severide tried to reason, but he wasn't sure how much Matt was hearing him as the desperate man just wanted to be Gabby. "You can't be in there, not for that." Kelly continued as he gently pushed against his chest to get him to move back, while Ramon kept a steadying hand on Caitlyn's back.
They didn't stop moving him until he was back to the wall, Matt having a hard time catching his breath as a sob ripped through his throat, his hold on Caitlyn tightening as he was still trying to come to terms with what just happened in that room. But it was nearly impossible.
She was fine. Everything was fine, and then suddenly, it wasn't.
Just like in the back of that ambulance, Gabby was there one minute and then gone the next. Except now Caitlyn had been there to see it. Everyone had seen it, as Caitlyn might've just witnessed losing the only mom she'd ever known.
That Matt might've just lost his wife.
In a split second, she was just gone. And they had no idea if they'd be able to get her back.