Author's note: I know since the start of the story I have been alluding to a darker side of Prime and written somewhat ''out of character'' for him. I know Michael Bay mucked quite a few things up with Transformers but, I did think it made sense to show a different side to Prime - angrier, frustrated and even a bit more violent, so I kind of followed that thread too. I know some of my readers may disagree with my depiction of Prime in this way, which is fine.
After everything he has gone through for so long, the depth of betrayal he has experienced and (in my little make-believe world), the pain he is experiencing from being separated from the one he loves, to me it's only natural that something's gotta give and these emotions bubble to the surface and - explode on occasions.
While Prime IS the greatest, noblest, most self-sacrificing Autobot there is, (in my humble opinion), depicting him experiencing bouts of rage, disillusionment and jealousy gives even more depth to an already awesome character rather than have him being perfect all the time. We are all flawed, we are all broken a little and we all have moments of despair - even the great Optimus Prime.
Stepping away from soap box now... and continue...
Chapter 127 – Some Wounds Are Hard to See
Rachet P.O.V
The fuming figure of Optimus Prime was the last to enter the ship and I watched him do so carefully. He was hurt, that much was obvious. His body still bore the scars of his recent encounter with Lockdown. At the thought of that mech I felt myself shudder involuntarily as my processor flashed back to that awful night.
I shook my helm to rid myself of the unpleasant memories, my optics alighted on Prime once again as he started to walk past me. He gave no outward indication he was in any physical pain, then again Prime was as tough as they came - in so many ways. /Though in my experience, it's the wounds you can't see that are often the ones that can cause the most harm/, I thought ruefully to myself.
''Prime!'' I called out to the passing figure. He whipped his helm around, his brow creased in agitation and his optics seemed to shoot daggers at me. For a moment I was caught off guard by such a reaction from a mech normally so reserved and composed. I took a step towards him, a small smile of understanding on my face. ''Prime I'm sorry to interrupt – your thoughts – but I need to give you a check up to ensure you are functioning at …''
''I'm fine Rachet!'' he barked at me. ''I've suffered worse,'' he continued before turning to resume his path.
''The pit you are!'' I raised my voice in reply and folded my arms across my chest, standing defiantly before him. ''In more ways than one.'' He had spun around to glare at me though I simply returned his stare. I was no newcomer to this game with Prime and I did have a wrench or two on me in subspace.
A very low growl left his dermas as he clenched his servos into fists and glowered at me, grinding out slowly. ''Rachet. I said I am fine. That is final. As your Prime my…''
''Health is your physician's number one priority!'' I retorted quickly as I unfolded my arms and indicated he should lead the way to a place where we could chat. ''And… as MY friend, supporting me to do MY job so YOU can do YOUR job effectively should be YOUR number one priority.'' I almost allowed a smirk to appear on my face plates as I watched his dermas part in shock at my brazen logical reply. My servo remained outstretched before me silently imploring him to take my advice.
For a moment Prime's face darkened ominously and he rose to his full height as if preparing to cut me down to size but almost as quickly as his temper had flared, it abated. He unclenched his fists, nodded his helm curtly and, although his dermas were clamped in a tight line of annoyance, he quietly turned to walk over to an area of the ship we might have some privacy. I allowed a small victorious smile to grace my dermas as I followed him.
Finding a small nook with some piping that could serve as a makeshift seat, Optimus sat down wearily. His arms draped across his knees and he lent forward as though a huge weight was upon his shoulders. He eyed me with a small amount of annoyance as I walked up and took a place opposite him. His deep voice laden with mild irritation cut through the silence. ''Very well Rachet. I have followed your orders. What would you have me do?''
My optics swept over his form assessing his physical wounds and quickly noting that there was nothing debilitating or too concerning, as he had stated before, he had seen worse. As I noted his expression and the agitation and weariness that settled about him, I sighed out loud and placed my own servos on my knees and sent him a small smile. ''I would like for you to explain to me your reaction to Jazz back there,'' I nodded with my helm towards the cargo door and the abandoned train yard we had just left. ''I would have you confide in your friend what is causing you to be so…''
''Furious? So frustrated? So utterly un-Prime like?'' Optimus had shot to his pedes, growling out his reply, a deep scowl returning to his features. He started pacing about the small space afforded us like some caged Cybertronian hellhound.
It was my turn to part my dermas in shock at his reaction. ''Well…. Yes. I was going to say ''upset'' but sure - those things too.''
He threw me a sideways glance, steam snorting out his enstrils as he gave a mocking laugh, ''Upset? Rachet, I'm afraid I am way past upset.'' For a moment he paused and stood still facing the wall. His helm dipped, his broad shoulders slumped, and small tremors seemed to wrack his body as he fought to control his emotions.
/By the Allspark, I am glad I made him talk/. I too rose to my pedes and tentatively approached him as though he were a skittish turbofox. I carefully placed a servo on his left arm, and he flinched slightly, almost withdrawing his arm at my touch. I stood still for a moment. Waiting.
''I'm sorry old friend,'' his voice was low and filled with grief, shame and a small amount of fear. ''I just feel.. so… hurt, so betrayed.'' He briefly turned painfilled optics towards me before lowering his helm again. ''The humans. Joyce, Attinger what they have done… what they are willing to do.'' He shook his helm in disbelief. ''They have no morals, no honour.'' Prime's left fist clenched into a tight ball of fury. ''Those words, ''We can make you; we don't need you anymore.'' Rachet, I can't let go of them. They enrage me every time I think of them, every time I hear them echo through my processor, I picture Leadfoot or Que, Jolt, the Twins.''
He sighed deeply and turned his optics towards me once again. They darkened with anger and pain. ''I think of YOU Rachet and how we nearly…'' he paused for a moment and closed his optics. I squeezed his arm to reassure him of my presence and to encourage him to continue talking. He opened his optics again and walked over to the piping to sit down, as though he didn't have the energy to stand and talk about how he felt. After a moment his voice, whispered hoarsely, ''we nearly lost you Rachet.''
My spark lurched in its casing as my own memories assailed me and I heard the pain in my dear friend's voice. I walked over quietly and sat opposite him, once again offering my servo to comfort him. ''Yes, you did.'' He flinched slightly at my matter-of-fact words. ''And yet – here I am Prime. Alive and, for the most part, well.'' I gave him a small smile.
He shook his helm, a flash of anger shone in his optics. ''But 'Rachet, when I think of the lives we have lost. On Cybertron, here on Earth.'' His dermas curved into a sneer as he barked out his frustration, ''FOR WHAT?''
I released his arm and folded my arms across my chest, fixing Prime with a serious stare in hope he would heed what I had to say. ''Prime, they knew the hazards fighting for the Autobot cause. We all did and do. We all joined that cause because YOU made us believe that there was a better way. That freedom is everyone's right, that there is good in everyone and everyone deserves a chance for redemption.''
His frame sank heavily as my words settled in his audials and he looked away as if he couldn't bring himself to look at me. In the softest voice he replied, ''and what if I was wrong?'' He stared straight ahead at the wall; his face as expressionless as the metal that seemed to captivate his gaze. My spark skipped a pulse to hear such doubt from one such as Prime. He spoke again, as if testing the credence of his thoughts. ''Rachet, what if I was wrong to hold to such beliefs? It has been made very clear to me these past few days that perhaps there is very little good left in anyone. That the very species we fight to protect, we die to defend, have willingly replaced us, hunted us, cast us aside and denounced us as villains?'' He chanced a glance towards me. ''Are people like Attinger and Joyce deserving of redemption? Are they even capable of it?'' A steely look entered his optics, ''and how many more lives must we lose finding out?''
For a moment I sat there, motionless as I considered Prime's words. After a moment I began to speak, almost as quietly as Prime had a moment ago, as I was lost in a memory. ''You know Prime, that night. That terrible night when I came as close to dying as I ever have, I was both terrified and overjoyed.'' Prime turned his helm to look at me, confusion evident in his optics.
I returned his gaze and continued in my explanation. ''That night Prime, I saw the best in humans, and I saw the worst. I saw how Phoenix, the human ''OC'' as she once was, put her own life on the line to save me, fiercely defend me and refuse to give up on me.'' I shook my helm slowly in wonder. ''In those moments before I lost consciousness, apart from the pain, I recall a sense of deep gratitude and happiness that my friend had found me, that she had fought for me and saved me. She gave me a second chance and with it, how many other lives am I able to help?''
Prime flinched at my words and the perceived censure within them at his previous comments. The smile faded from my dermas and a shudder coursed through my frame. ''Before Phoenix arrived that night, I also saw the worst of humans in Savoy. His hatred and disregard for life different from his own, his own twisted perceptions of justice and revenge are the very reasons why we can't leave Prime.''
At my words he stood to his pedes yet again and walked towards the wall. Leaning forward, he placed one great metal servo against the wall as the other covered his optics.
''Prime, like it or not, Earth is our home, and we must work alongside the humans to help them see that there is strength to be found in our differences. While this planet is most definitely not Cybertron, and it has taken me a little while to get used to it, I have grown attached to it Prime. We cannot let it be cyberformed and destroyed. Not if there is a chance we can stop it from happening.'' I stood to my pedes too and sighed out loud. ''While I confess I too am weary of battle and..'' I paused a moment unsure if I should divulge how I felt.
Prime pushed off from the wall and turned to face me, a questioning look on his face. I sighed yet again and ploughed on. ''In a sense I am afraid of what might happen if I meet Lockdown again. I know in my spark facing them, stopping them, is the right thing to do.'' I gave a small, sad smile in his direction. ''And I know I might die doing so, but…'' I paused a moment. ''I could not live with myself if I did not try. Over the millennia, through your actions and your beliefs Optimus, You taught me that.'' I stared intently at Prime, watching his reaction. He turned his back on me, as servos clenched. I gave a small snort of laughter, ''Besides. Phoenix promised me she would protect me from them and if she is there, somewhere, then I have no doubt she will!''
Suddenly, Prime yelled angrily and lashed at the wall, leaving a large crater-like indent from his fist. He stood there, shoulders slumped, body shaking as he rapidly cycled air through his intakes, and he fought to calm himself.
I had started at the unexpected reaction but now I felt a scowl spread across my face. ''Prime!? What on Cyberton…'' And then I realised my mistake. /I had mentioned Phoenix fighting/. Jazz's comment about her sacrificing herself had triggered an almost feral reaction within Prime. I closed my optics as I silently berated myself for my lack of tact. ''I'm sorry Prime I didn't mean…''
Prime growled at the wall. ''She made a decision to SACRIFICE herself and she didn't even try and get in touch with me to…'' Prime ground out through gritted denta. ''FIVE YEARS Rachet! I haven't seen her in five years! I haven't spoken to her in five years! I haven't been able to hold her, to tell her I LOVE HER and now…'' He made to strike out at the wall again and I braced myself for the onslaught.
At the last minute he stayed his servo and spun on his pedes to face me. A look of utter pain and anger warred within his optics. /So, along with a deep sense of betrayal, lack of faith and feeling lost he is also dealing with the fear of losing the one he loves/. I walked back and sat down on my makeshift seat.
Once again – I waited.
Prime closed his optics and a sound very like a moan left his dermas. ''Rachet, I don't know what I would do if Phoenix were to die. The thought terrifies me, especially if it were to happen before I got a chance to put things right between us.'' He sighed mournfully yet again. ''I am grateful beyond words that Elita and I have managed to repair our relationship, that we have put things right between us - but this thing with Phoenix. It is tearing me apart!''
All at once Primus' words floated through my processor and I exclaimed perhaps a little too loudly, ''Perhaps this is the darkness!? Perhaps this is the moment you are meant to stand together lest our fates be sealed?''
Prime shook his helm slowly and walked towards me, siting down opposite me. ''Rachet, if what Primus said to Phoenix is true, about balancing each other out and needing each other. If the depth of what I feel for her is in any way returned in equal measure Rachet, then as far as I'm concerned, were meant to stand together come what may. Not for one single moment but always. In darkness and in light.'' At once a look of fierce determination burned once again in his optics. ''And I swear on Primus's spark when this is over, I am going to remind her of that.''
I couldn't help but allow a small smirk on my dermas as I raised an optic ridge at him. ''So - when you said you ''were done'' part of you meant…''
''I meant, ''I'm done giving Phoenix space.'' When I find her, when I get a chance to be with her, she will not have the option of not speaking to me, of ignoring me.''
I nodded my helm in understanding and, truth be told, relief, that he had finally come to his senses. /One of them had to make the first move soon, it was becoming frustrating!/. I pushed a little further. ''And the humans? Are you done with them?''
Silence was my only response for a spark beat before three words caught my attention and brought a smile to my dermas. ''I hope not.''