Author's note: Emetophobia warning and also internal homophobia in this chapter.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Remus was very glad he hadn't said anything about Prewett to the other Marauders, it made it so much easier to keep the secret. He did, however, dwell on the secret for the rest of the day—wondering what on earth Professor Prewett could have been investigating that would be so dangerous.

When evening came he realized that there would be a lot to unpack for Occlumency. In addition to trying to keep the Prewett stuff a secret, there was also the entirety of his Easter holidays. Fawley wouldn't be pleased with Lyall shoving Remus around and—and other things. Hopefully he'd be able to convince her to exit any memories from the weeks at home.

It was good to see her again, though, and they hugged tightly before settling on the couch. They spoke briefly about their holidays, and Remus talked about his new room, framing it in a very good light. While Miss Fawley's lips pressed into a thin line much like McGonagall's often did, she refrained from commenting until he was done.

"Are you happy with your new room?" she asked.

Remus considered fully lying then discarded the plan; he suspected Fawley would realize the truth. "It's going to take time to get used to. It is a lot easier on my parents. Mum—Mum she can't really get me up the stairs anymore."

"Hmm. That is understandable," Fawley murmured, tucking some hair behind her ear. "I hope you're able to be happy there. Did you have any… issues… over the holidays?"

He looked down at his lap, knowing she was referring to his father. "No," he lied. "Um, I would prefer you not to see any memories from home."

"Remus," she sighed.

"It—it isn't my father," he said swiftly. "Other things."

"Like what?"

He thought of the incident with the magazine. "Personal things," he finally mumbled, knowing he sounded embarrassed, praying she'd never see that. "Very personal things."

"Very well…"

The next forty minutes were tough and gave him a nasty headache. His memories were all over the place, several of them from the holidays which Fawley kindly jumped out of (including the time he was reading the magazine, but before anything happened). She also saw his prank on the others from the previous night, making her laugh so hard she wound up having to gasp for air. She told him she was very proud of him for getting them, and glad to see he had gone through with it. She said it was evidence of how much he had grown.

She also saw the whole Prewett incident, which made Remus feel bad. She first saw him running from Prewett then it shifted to Dumbledore's office. He managed to kick her out at that point, and explained to her that the whole thing had been settled and that it was a secret, so if those memories came up again could she please leave them?

"Professor Dumbledore and Professor Prewett secrets," he explained, wringing his hand. "Not my own."

"I understand," she promised. "I'll leave if they come back up again. Also, congratulations!"

"On… what?"

She looked very happy. "Kicking me out again."

He had been so worried about accidentally revealing the secrets he hadn't even thought about the fact he had done it, and he glowed with quiet happiness until it was time to go back into his memories.

At about ten till seven his headache was at the point where he literally couldn't go on anymore. He wanted to ask if the headaches were normal, but was worried if they weren't she'd want to stop having the sessions until they sorted it out. So he downplayed how bad it was, insinuating it was 'just painful enough' to warrant ending the lesson a bit early. They exchanged hugs again, and Remus left, drooping almost as soon as he left the room, hand pressing against his forehead.

Thankfully the others were at James's practice; Remus flopped onto his bed with a cold, damp cloth over his forehead and eyes, his curtains shut tight so as not to let much light in. His headache faded but he stayed like that until his friends showed up, and their noisiness made him rather grateful for his healing abilities getting rid of the pain and making him able to hang out with his friends for the evening.

/\/\/\/\/\

The real Professor Prewett did return sometime during Wednesday. Gideon Prewett was at breakfast and lunch, but at supper when Prewett walked in Remus felt the old wibbly-wobbliness returning to his knees. He covertly watched his teacher go up to the table, feeling both relief Prewett was all right, and irritation that the feelings were still there. Also why the hell did Professor Prewett make him feel like that while his identical twin brother did not?

Remus dwelt on this as he ate, gazing thoughtfully up at the night sky while chewing on his food. If—if it wasn't purely something physical (i.e. his looks) then that helped prove that—that simply… well… er, actually that made the whole 'aesthetically pleasing' aspect a little less likely. Remus grunted, no longer hungry.

His gaze drifted over to the Hufflepuff table, at Kioko Tanaka whom he knew was one of the prettiest girls in their year besides Inkwood. She was talking to one of her friends, her chin-length black hair sweeping across her cheek until she tossed her head back, laughing at something.

She's pretty, Remus told himself, because everyone else said so.

Then Tanaka turned, her eyes locking with Remus's. Remus quickly ducked his head, blushing slightly at being caught staring. When he ventured a glance back up she was back to talking to her friend.

"You all right?" Sirius asked as Remus slumped in his seat.

No, he thought miserably. Everything is confusing and makes no sense and why did I get all—like that—from a shirtless guy in a Quidditch magazine it's wrong, it's WRONG, and why do I have these feelings about you and Professor Prewett but not Professor Prewett's identical twin brother it makes no sense, it makes no DAMN SENSE!

"Yes," he said, far too miserably. Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Er, stomach's a bit… I don't feel too good." He poked at his food a moment then pushed his plate away. What he wanted—wished for—was to be able to talk to them, to tell them what he was thinking, what he was feeling. But—but those thoughts and feelings were wrong, so wrong, so absolutely wrong, and if he ever even hinted that he might have them (which he didn't) then his friends would toss him aside quicker than a garden gnome.

A werewolf was one thing, but—

No, he wasn't even going to think it. Refused to even think it!

He was miserable through Study Group, trying not to feel distracted by all the thoughts swarming his brain like an unwanted infestation. The others' voices got on his nerves, and he spent most of his time staring blankly at his notes and remaining silent. After they broke up for the night, Lily tried talking to him as they headed back to the tower. Remus didn't want to talk about it—couldn't talk about it—so he made an excuse of wanting to go meet Peter after his Photography Club. This wasn't unusual for Wednesday, so Lily didn't question it.

Remus headed back the way he came but instead of going to the room where Pete's club met, he wound up wandering around, wanting to be alone. Whenever he heard voices he'd go down a different corridor to avoid other students. That… was his plan, at least, until he wandered to the ground floor and heard arguing. Arguing that he intended on ignoring, except one of the voices was Aegis.

Well, Aegis wasn't arguing. He was yelping in pain, and being shouted at by someone. Remus followed the sounds till he turned a corner and saw Malfoy hurting Aegis. Malfoy had a fistful of Aegis's hair and was bending him backwards while he leaned in, yelling right in Aegis's face. His wand was out, pressed against Aegis's throat.

"—TELL YOU TO DO SOMETHING YOU DO IT, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"Y—yes!" Aegis whimpered, squirming in Malfoy's grip. There was a trickle of blood dripping from one nostril. "P—please, you are hurting me—"

"Aw, am I hurting you?" Malfoy mocked, then yanked Aegis back even more. "Forgive me, I don't mean to hurt you… I mean to destroy you!" Another yank, and Aegis was practically forming an upside down U.

Remus whipped his wand out, fury enveloping him. He hadn't been feeling great to begin with but seeing his friend being bullied and hurt like made everything even worse. "L-let go of him!" he snarled.

Both Slytherins glanced over, and fear filled Aegis's eyes while amusement entered Malfoy's face. "Little Loopy Lupin, is it? I think you're a bit far from your dorms. I think you should be on your way."

Remus leveled his wand. "I th-think you should let g-g-go of him!"

Malfoy narrowed his eyes then switched his wand's aim from Aegis to Remus. "Go away, Loopy, if you know what's good for you."

Remus started to demand Malfoy let go, but Malfoy used the disarming spell. Remus's wand launched out of his hand, spiraling through the air till it clattered several feet away from him. Malfoy marched towards Remus, dragging Aegis with him.

"You don't seem to understand," Malfoy hissed out, and Remus backed up against the wall. "This is none of your business, you stupid little cub. Do I need to spell it out for you?" He jerked Aegis up a bit (still by the hair) and Aegis whimpered. "Tell your… friend… to fuck off, or I'll do it for you. And neither of you will like how I do it."

"R—Remus you sh-should g-g-go—" Aegis gasped out.

The wolf had been stirring and rising, raising its head inside of Remus's. It growled out, teeth barred as it began slobbering for revenge, slobbering for blood. Remus looked up into Malfoy's smirking face, and the wolf grew stronger. Remus struggled to keep it under control, to push it back. It was strong, though, and fought against him.

Bite, slash, kill! it howled in his ear.

"Fine then," Malfoy said, and threw Aegis against the wall, face first. Aegis made contact with the stone and went down, blood flowing freely from his nose now.

The wolf snapped.

Not the breaking, cooling sensation of Remus getting control but a violent, furious sensation as the wolf screamed (or Remus silently screamed? They were so close, so intertwined it was hard to tell) at the sight of his friend being hurt.

Remus surged forward, fist swinging before he even thought about it.

It connected with Malfoy's face with a crunching sound.

Malfoy went flying back—literally flying through the air—and then crashed to the ground. His head lolled to the side, his eyes shut as blood poured from his mouth.

Remus stared in utter disbelief as the wolf retreated, leaving him alone with this disastrous mess.

Aegis pushed himself into a sitting position, staring in disbelief as well. Slowly, he looked at Remus then back at Malfoy's unconscious body. Or dead body.

Merlin, did I kill him?

Remus lowered his fist, chest rising and falling as panic seized him. He had physically attacked another student! He had knocked him out, or—no, he couldn't be dead, could he? Remus looked at his hand. He was very strong. Was it… possible…?

"Remus?" Aegis whispered in shock.

Remus staggered back. "I—I—"

Then Malfoy groaned, head flopping to the other side. One leg twitched. He wasn't dead, only unconscious.

"I didn't…" But what could he possibly say? He didn't mean to hurt Malfoy so bad? He had purposely punched him! He sent Malfoy flying, he—bones crunched. Bones crunched! He had done something bad. There was too much blood on that pale face to really tell what happened.

Remus took another step back, then another. He continued backing away until he reached his wand then he grabbed it and ran, too terrified of what might happen when Malfoy woke up, knowing he was being a coward by abandoning Aegis! But all he could do was panic; all he could think about was getting away from there.

From what he had done.

He ran, feet pounding against the floor as the scene kept replaying in his head. Malfoy—he attacked Malfoy—he had punched Malfoy—he had severely injured Malfoy!

What's going to happen? He had gotten into fights before but never like this, never… just bashing someone's face in.

Malfoy would go to Slughorn, and Remus would get into so much trouble. Or worse—after the 'cheating' thing, would he be expelled? The first time he ever attacked anyone (Spinnet, he remembered dimly) he had assumed he'd be expelled. That had been so long ago…

That was different though. He slowed down, realizing he was near McGonagall's office. I should turn myself in, he thought, since the teachers would be finding out anyway. Perhaps it would go easier if he did? Perhaps he'd only get points removed and detention?

Panting for air, Remus stumbled to McGonagall's office then saw a notice on the door saying she was in the classroom. He went there, and she told him to enter after he knocked on that door. He went in, a little surprised to see another student there, cleaning one of the desks. A third year Gryffindor that seemed vaguely familiar.

"Um, s-sorry to bother—"

"Please continue your work, Mr. O'Kelley," McGonagall informed the Gryffindor, then took Remus out into the hallway. "Is everything all right?"

"C-c-can we t-t-t—ta—talk?" he wheezed out. "Privately? P-please?"

McGonagall took him to her office where he collapsed in a seat, staring at his right hand once again. It took several seconds of her saying his name for it to penetrate the fogginess, and he glanced up.

"What is the matter, Mr. Lupin?" she asked.

Remus curled forward, unable to form the words to explain to her. "Hurt…" he finally managed to say.

"You're hurt?" she asked. "Did someone hurt you?"

He shook his head, tears squeezing out the corners of his eyes. "N—no. I—I—I h-hurrrr—urt—I hurt s-s-some—s—one. Merlin—Merlin—I d-d-didn't—I—"

"Remus, please calm down," she said firmly. "I cannot understand a word you're saying."

He took in a deep, hiccuping breath and tried again. "I hurt s-s-someone," he said, the syllables at least recognizable this time.

"You?" she asked, frowning. "What happened? Was it a prank mishap?"

He moaned, covering his face. "No. No, no. He—he was—he was h—he—hurting—he—"

"Take another deep breath. Here." She handed him a damp cloth and he pressed it against his face, the coolness helping calm him down a little. "Do you need some water?"

"No," he whispered.

"Who did you hurt, and what happened?"

Slowly he told her mostly what occurred. That he had come across Lucius Malfoy hurting Aegis, that he tried to intervene, that Malfoy disarmed him, and that when Malfoy threw Aegis into the wall he had punched Malfoy. He admitted he should have gotten a teacher or prefect but he had lost his temper. He also admitted he had left Malfoy.

"Just now?" McGonagall asked, visibly startled. Remus nodded. "Remus—we need to go, take me there right now."

Remus miserably led McGonagall through the school, back down to the ground floor where he had left the two Slytherins. Neither of them were there, though there was some blood smeared on both the wall where Aegis had smacked into and the floor where Malfoy had fallen.

McGonagall spun about, motioning for Remus to continue following. He trudged along, heart sinking more and more as they grew closer to the hospital wing. By the time they reached the doors he felt ready to throw up, and almost did when they went in and saw Malfoy sitting in one of the beds getting looked at by Pomfrey. Slughorn was next to them, glancing over when McGonagall and Remus came in.

"I see," McGonagall said, coming to a stop.

"Ah, Minerva, what brings you here? Hello, Mr. Lupin," Slughorn added pleasantly. "Is everything all right?"

Malfoy was giving Remus a strange look, probably due to the punch.

"We are here for the same reason you are," McGonagall explained as she went closer. "Mr. Malfoy."

Slughorn frowned. "Why would you be here for Mr. Malfoy?"

"Because," McGonagall sighed, "it seems it was Mr. Lupin that attacked him."

Slughorn looked very bewildered at that, turning to face Malfoy again. Pomfrey pulled back a bit, staring hard. "You told us you were hit with a bludger," she accused.

Malfoy stuck his chin out. "I was," he said fiercely. "I told you. I—ah—took bludger from Gary. I was messing with it. It got out of hand—quite literally—and…" He reached up, motioning towards his face. "I haven't the faintest why Lo—Lupin here would pretend he's attacked me, when he most certainly has not."

Remus stared at him in utter disbelief. "I—I p-p-punched you!"

Malfoy snorted. "As if someone as small as you could do this damage." He laughed, wincing a little in pain.

"I—"

"Look," Malfoy cut him off as he tried to speak, "I'm sure you want to feel important or strong, but I do not appreciate you trying to do so by demeaning me! Find someone else to pretend to hurt, and use them."

Remus blinked several times, confused. Why wasn't Malfoy throwing him under the bus? Surely he would be ecstatic to get a Gryffindor into trouble!

"If—if I didn't hurt him, how—how c-could I—how—how c-could—"

"If he is not injured he should not be permitted to be in here, gawking at me!" Malfoy protested.

"Minerva, I think you should take Mr. Lupin out," Slughorn said, frowning in disapproval at Remus.

McGonagall asked Remus to please wait outside for a moment. He did so, still confused, still trying to figure out what was going on. When McGonagall emerged a minute or so later he tried to protest again once the doors were shut, insisting he had hurt him, and pointed out that if he hadn't hurt him then how would he know Malfoy had been hurt? McGonagall listened to all of that, staring down her nose at him until he finally finished. That's when she informed him that she believed him.

"You—you do?"

"Yes," she said, pressing her lips thin. "I believe Mr. Malfoy has conducted the story of the bludger to protect his pride. His lip was busted open—that is what caused the blood—however his jaw was also broken. In such a manner that it is difficult to believe someone your size could possibly do." She began walking, and Remus stayed in step with her.

He stared down at the floor. That made a lot of sense. Someone like Malfoy, having a jaw broken by someone like Remus? "You d-d-don't think he—he suspects I—that I—"

"I don't think so," she said. "I don't know what is going through his head. I am hoping that he thinks you took some sort of… strengthening potion. But whatever his thoughts, he is denying you are the one who broke his jaw. I will try speaking with him privately, to see if I can figure out what he is thinking. But I do not think you are in danger." She stopped suddenly, and he almost ran into her. "I will also speak to Mr. Silverlocke, as he was a witness. Perhaps I can get it into his mind that it was a strengthening potion."

Remus nodded slowly. "Y—yes, I—I will too."

"I don't think I can punish you directly for this, since Mr. Malfoy is refusing to admit the truth," she added, glaring at him.

Remus ducked his head. "You c-c-could say you c-caught me in the—the middle of—of—of a pr-prank or—or something?"

"You are offering advice on how best to explain punishing you?" she asked, and chuckled. "There are days it is clear Mr. Potter and Mr. Black have had a bad influence on you, yet it's very obvious you are still you."

What was he supposed to say to that?! "Um, I—er, well—well—I should be punished."

McGonagall smiled at him. "You should. I will consider the best thing to do. In the meantime, I think you should go back to your dorm and try to… relax. Calm down. You've had quite an eventful evening."

"Yes, Pro—Professor."

Remus scurried through the castle as quick as he could, realizing it was getting quite late. Not past his curfew, not yet, but almost. When he reached the tower, he wasn't sure what to say to his friends. Tell them the truth? Tell them he had punched Malfoy and broke his jaw? They still didn't know his strength, plus with Malfoy denying it it might not be the best course of action…

So when they asked how his night went—where he had gone after Study Group—he simply told them he wanted some time to himself and wandered around the castle. He probably would have gotten away with his lie if Sirius didn't point out it was obvious Remus had been crying. Damn him, Remus thought, scowling. Why did he have to go and notice that?

"I cry over everything, this isn't an unusual turn of events," he finally said.

Sirius pressed his lips together tightly, reminding Remus too much of McGonagall. "Very well," he relented. "If something did happen…"

"Nobody did anything to me, if that's what you're worried about," he said, this time very truthfully. "I need to finish some homework, excuse me."

He managed to avoid talking to them about what might have happened for the rest of the evening, doing his best to act like everything was fine; somehow he managed. Until everyone went to bed and he was left alone in the dark with his thoughts.

With the realization of what he had done.

I punched him. He covered his face, rolling onto his side as the image repeated itself in his head. He… really didn't feel that guilty over punching Malfoy. Which he probably should. It was probably not good he didn't really feel too bad about that. No, the problem was why he had punched him.

The wolf. He looked at his hands in the darkness, remembering the feeling of the raw anger, the breaking feeling inside of him. He had barely even been aware of punching the twat. If it had been the wolf (and not him) that was bad. Very bad. Very, very bad.

What if it happens again? He rolled onto his stomach, burying his face into the pillow now. What if the wolf takes over again like that? What if… I lose my temper with someone else and hurt them. Hurt them worse.

Whenever the darkness started the wolf wanted violence. It called for blood, and this time Remus gave it blood. What if next time it was worse? What if next time… it wasn't his fist but his nails and teeth? What if the wolf simply took over everything and he became feral?

The pillow grew damp as tears slipped out, and Remus barely got any sleep that night.

/\/\/\/\/\

When morning came he wasn't sure how much sleep he had gotten. Maybe an hour or two? It didn't really matter. What mattered now that it was morning was one thing and one thing only.

After getting ready, he went down to wait across from the Great Hall. Every time a student from the dungeons came up he'd glance up, then settle back. Finally Aegis appeared, and Remus leapt to his feet.

Aegis jerked back when Remus approached him, a flash of something going through his eyes. Fear?

"C-can we t-talk?" Remus asked, tugging at his hem.

Aegis lowered his gaze, shrugging slightly. Then turned and went off to a side corridor. Remus followed, wondering if everything was ruined between them now. Was it the show of strength? Or the fact he had bolted without even seeing if Aegis was okay?

"M—Malfoy is saying it was a bludger," Aegis said as soon as they were alone.

"I kn-know," Remus admitted, scuffing his shoe against the stone. He was terrified that everything had fallen to pieces now. He didn't want to lose Aegis! "Um. I'm s-sorry if I m-made things worse. I l-lost my temper and—and I—"

"Things were already terrible between us," Aegis interrupted. "I doubt there is much to be done to make it worse."

Remus couldn't tell if there was anger in his voice or not. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I sh-should have stayed behind to—to help you."

Aegis shook his head. "No, it is fine, I understand fleeing. I… ran off too. I left him. His… jaw was broken. From what I heard. His jaw was broken."

Remus gulped, a shiver of fear going down his spine. "It was a potion."

Aegis raised his eyebrows. "A potion?"

"Um, y—yes," Remus said anxiously, hoping he sounded convincing enough. "I—the—we were—we had made a strengthening solution, we were going to—to try to use it for a prank, and we tested it out earl—um, earlier in the day. It was still… I—I guess it was still in me enough when I punched him. I—I didn't—I forgot—I—I am sorry, I—"

"Remus, you do not need to fall all over yourself to explain," Aegis said gently. "I am not upset by what happened. In all honesty, I found it to be… well, to borrow a phrase from Mr. Potter… bloody brilliant!"

Remus blinked several times then laughed. "I—I'm glad you found it to be, er… bloody brilliant."

Aegis smiled. "It was. It was fantastic seeing him flying back like that. And he was skulking about the common room all evening last night, rubbing his jaw and muttering to himself. He often sent glares my way, which did not bother me. I can only hope he does not cause any issue with you."

"I'm j-just glad you're not upset with me."

Aegis took a step closer. "Never," he promised. "Only worried about you. If he tries anything…"

"I—I'll tell him I've taken more of the—the potion," Remus said with a faint laugh. Aegis laughed at that, and then the two headed into the Great Hall.

Remus wasn't really sure what to expect from Malfoy. He assumed something would happen and sure enough after Herbology, as the Marauders headed back into the castle, Malfoy and two of his goons popped up out of nowhere. Before Remus could react, he was being grabbed by his jumper and shoved against the wall at Malfoy's height, his feet dangling.

The other Marauders reacted, or tried to—Malfoy's two friends easily got in their way, fighting with them while Malfoy said what he wanted to say.

"You ever fucking do a thing like that again, I will kill you," he hissed out into Remus's ear, fingers tightening around Remus's jumper. "Understand, Loopy?"

"I—"

"Do you understand?"

Remus squirmed, fury whipping through his body as the bigger Slytherin punched Peter. "Y—yes," he gasped out. "I understand!"

Malfoy let him drop to the floor then walked off, snapping his fingers for his friends to follow. They disengaged from the fight, hurrying after Malfoy.

"What the hell was that about?!" James demanded, wiping blood from his mouth.

Sirius, however, wasn't having it. He had angry welts across his face from a hex and his right arm was very wobbly from the jelly-arms curse. But he flopped it everywhere, shooting hexes after the Slytherins. His aim was completely off, the hexes hitting the walls and ceiling instead.

"Go after them—"

"No," Remus said, grabbing Sirius's wobbly arm. "No, it's over—"

"I repeat," James said, helping Peter to his feet. "What the hell?"

They were all looking at Remus now expectantly. Remus got his wand out, trying to get rid of the jelly-arm curse, mostly as a way to give him time to think of how to explain. Finally he told the barest of truths. That he had come across Malfoy beating Aegis up again, and interfered. He had gotten Aegis away, and Malfoy had been upset about it.

"Wanker," James spat out. "We should get him—"

"I don't think I can do anything about the welts," Remus said, after fixing Sirius's arm. "You'll have to go to Pomfrey. Pete, let me see…" He inspected Peter's nose carefully. "I don't think it's broken but—"

"Pomfrey," Peter sighed, tipping his head back to prevent the blood flow from getting worse. "What did you do to him?"

"I—I threatened him, is all," Remus lied, wiping his sweaty palms off on his trousers. "I'd rather not exacerbate the situation by pranking Malfoy. I don't want to possibly make things worse for Aegis either. Besides, we—we have other Slytherins to prank right now. Perhaps later in the month, or next month we can—can prank Malfoy, when he's forgotten about it."

He doubted Malfoy would forget though. He just hoped that Malfoy would chalk it up to a strengthening solution and not look further into the whole tiny-sick-kid-with-super-strength…