Author's note: some cis boy teen problems again in this chapter and very brief mention of feeling ill.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Remus didn't get a chance to talk to David privately that night, nor before Herbology the next morning. He met with Rivers a little before Herbology began so they could go over their project one more time, though Remus knew if they needed to fix anything they wouldn't have time. Still, he read through then gave it to Rivers, and they both agreed that was the best they could do before handing it in.
After Herbology the other Marauders didn't want to get a shower. Remus went up to the dorms with David and Spinnet, hoping he'd have a moment to talk to David, but Spinnet was there the entire time before they left together to go hang out.
Maybe Lily has some albums, he thought, going down to the common room to wait. Soon Lily came down the girls' stairs with Colgate and Inkwood, the three of them giggling about something or other. They giggled even more when Remus approached them.
"Hey Lily, c-could I talk with you a moment?" he asked, trying to ignore the giggling.
"Of course!" She went with him away from the other girls, her cheeks bright pink, her eyes sparkling. "What is it?" she managed to get out before giggling even more.
"Er… did—did I interrupt something?"
"No, no." She covered her mouth. "It's nothing. What's going on?"
Remus glanced nervously at the other girls then back at Lily. "Last year you had an album by the Beatles. I—I was wondering if you had any Muggle albums with you? The… the other boys want to hear Muggle music. James and Sirius, I mean; Pete knows Muggle music."
Lily's eyebrows raised very high. "The purebloods want to hear Muggle music?"
Remus shrugged. "Y—yes. If you have Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline they—they really want to hear that one."
"Oooh! I love that song!" she squealed, clapping her hands. "Sweet Carooliinnnee… BOMBOMBOM! Ahh, no, sorry I don't have that song, but I do have other albums. For the Beatles I have Hard Day's Night and Sgt. Pepper. Ummm let's see, what other albums do I have with me?" She sank down into a chair, chewing delicately at her vivid green fingernails. "I have Diana Ross, Sonny and Cher, Mungo Jerry, Elton John—"
"Wh—which one?" Remus interrupted. "Um, Elton John, I mean."
"Ooh, erm…" She squinted, trying to think. "Honky Chateau."
He wasn't familiar enough with the albums to know which songs were on that one, though he knew David had it and played it. "Um, maybe—maybe a Beatles album and…" He wanted them to hear Elton John but didn't think he could stand it if they hated his music. "I'm not sure what else they might like, honestly."
"Hmm, Potter and Black would probably like The Who," she said. "I have that one. I'll be right back." She jumped up, disappearing up the girls' stairs. Remus sat down in the chair she had been in, acutely aware that Colgate and Inkwood were both watching him with great interest, making him feel uncomfortable. Soon Lily returned with a few albums in hand. "Here."
"Thank you." He took them, noticing Lily had included Honky Chateau; he flipped it over, heart fluttering a bit when he saw Rocket Man listed! Okay, even if he didn't play that for his friends, he was going to listen to it himself. There was also Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Surrender by Diana Ross, My Generation by The Who, and Electronically Tested by Mungo Jerry. "I'll return them probably by tonight or tomorrow, depending when we can listen to them."
"No problem," she said, flipping her fringe out of her eyes. "I trust you. You, not them." Her eyes narrowed. "Don't let Potter touch them."
He nodded, thanking her again before going back up to his dorm to put the albums in his desk drawer, resisting the temptation to nick James's player to listen to Rocket Man.
/\/\/\/\/\
Remus didn't have the courage to tell them that there was Muggle music waiting for them; he didn't want to seem too overeager. Instead, they went off to Fort Dragon until lunchtime, to discuss their Big Prank which they still had to figure out. Remus was far too excited-nervous to add much, continually wiping his sweaty hands off on his trousers. Suddenly, he didn't want them to hear any of it, certain they'd hate it, laugh at it, or laugh at him. Then the next minute he knew they'd like some of it, at least. Then he considered telling them his friend didn't want to lend the albums, so he'd have an excuse not to—to avoid any possibility of them thinking that it was stupid and dumb.
He was very distracted all through Defense Against the Dark Arts, too, to the point of messing up several times on the spell they were practicing. Prewett approached him and did what he had done for the full-body bind: take hold of Remus's wrist to show him the movement. No amount of worry over his friends could distract him from the feeling of Professor Prewett touching his hand like that, and he grew even sweatier and dizzier, like he had before, and this time other parts of him threatened to react and it took a hell of a lot of focus to avoid something happening in front of everyone which would have killed him. He focused on thinking about things he didn't like, or things that disgusted him. Anything to stop that from happening! It worked, and he somehow managed to perform the spell fairly well (though his aim was a bit off from a shaky hand) and Prewett was satisfied Remus could go from there.
In four weeks I'll never see him again, Remus thought sadly as he gathered his things after class. He looked at the front of the room, at Prewett's profile as he sat at his desk writing some things down. As if sensing eyes on him, Prewett glanced up. When he met Remus's gaze, he smiled, sending more uncomfortable feelings zapping through Remus's body. Maybe it's for the best, really, that Prewett will be gone, along with these damned feelings.
"What was that about?" Sirius asked after they left.
Remus began shaking again, terrified Sirius had noticed Remus getting all… squidgy over Prewett. "What was what?"
"You not being able to do the spell," Sirius said, frowning. "I know it's not like—like last time."
Last time, when it had been about Sirius and… "No," Remus whispered. "Sorry, I—I'm not feeling so well today."
"Maybe if you actually got some sleep," James muttered.
Remus wanted to argue, but it was better for them to think that than have any inkling of what his body went through whenever Prewett got near him.
The four of them went outside, going back to Fort Dragon for more Prank Planning. Remus didn't want to be there. What he wanted was a cold shower to get rid of all the hot feelings inside of him, even though it'd be very weird to do so since he had taken a shower only a couple of hours before. And while he figured he was relatively safe, when he sat down on the ground he drew his knees up and put his notebook in his lap to hide anything in case something were to happen.
I wonder if this happens to the others, he thought as he chewed his quill. He knew occasionally he'd get hit with a scent that he suspected was… excitement… but he never looked at anything, so he had no way of knowing if—if anything happened. In any case, he'd never ask them. No, no, that—no. He couldn't. Your Body at Hogwarts said it happened, so it wasn't abnormal. Just… he wished he could talk to someone about it. But even if there were someone to talk to, he'd be far too embarrassed anyway.
"Okay." James stood on top of the dragon rock, hands on hips. "We need to make a decision today. We've got four weeks until the feast and if we want to do anything big we have to start soon."
"I like Sirius's suggestion," Peter yawned. He was stretched out on some grass, poking at an insect with a long blade of grass. "The flowers an' stuff."
"One vote for a nature thing," James said. "Anyone else?"
"I mean, I'm always happy to go with my suggestions," laughed Sirius. He was sitting on the rock Remus was leaning against, which made things worse for Remus with Sirius's legs dangling down next to his head.
"Two votes nature. Remus?"
Remus glanced up, feeling so hot that he might combust into flames right there and then. Could Sirius feel the heat coming off of Remus's body? How could he not? "Um, I—I'm fine with that."
"So am I," James said, nodding. "Okay. Plants everywhere, insects. Real or fake?"
"Real ones?" Pete asked. "Where we going get real ones?"
"Transfigure them, I mean," James grumbled, sitting down cross-legged. "Transfigured insects or—uhhh… uhh not… you not, not solid…"
"Illusion?" Remus offered.
"Yes, that." James adjusted his glasses. "Which would be easier?"
"Illusion," Remus repeated, scowling as Sirius began plucking petals off a flower and letting them fall onto Remus's head. "Well, technically transfiguring pebbles or other small things into insects would be easier and less draining, however hiding a massive amount of insects somewhere in the Great Hall will not be. Illusion will be more complicated, more difficult, but we don't have to—would you stop that? Please?" he asked, craning his neck to look at Sirius.
Sirius stuck his tongue out and dropped the stem on Remus's face. "Dementor," he accused.
Remus brushed the stem away. "If we go illusionary insects we won't have to hide them anywhere."
"The plants will be real, right?" Peter asked.
"Yeah, we've been learning that one spell in Charms," James replied. "I mean, I'm not great at it but I think between the four of us we can get something good going on."
"Are we doing it at the feast?" Sirius asked, picking up another flower and tearing the petals off, once again letting them fall onto Remus. "Or are we doing the… delay spell spell?"
Remus angrily brushed the petals out of his hair. "I don't think I am advanced enough to delay a spell that well, for it to go off at a certain time longer than a few minutes. Nor do I think I could put the moriatempium spell on the entire Great Hall."
Peter suddenly jumped up. "We could do potions!"
James shook his head. "We're not putting potions into food—"
"No!" Peter pressed his hands together. "The potion that grows plants on anything! We could put'em up in the rafters and use a spell to break the bottles so they drip down the wall!"
James glanced at Remus who shrugged. "That could work," he said. "We would have to make sure the jars are up against the walls so they don't shatter over the tables. Or do some other form of getting the potion on the walls." He stared upwards at the bits of blue sky peeking through the leaves. "P'raps balloons would be better, that way there isn't glass everywhere."
"Um, yeah, Remus—yeah, you're the smart one," Peter said, and everyone laughed.
While the others discussed the prank idea—specifically, what to call it—Remus tried to think of what they'd need to do for the insects. Illusion spells were somewhat simple, especially for something as small as butterflies and bees, but to do one on such a massive scale would take a lot of work. I'll have to be the one to do it. None of the others were any good at illusion spells. Lily was really good at those. Not quite as good as Remus however…
"Um." He cleared his throat. "I have a small suggestion."
All of them looked eagerly at him.
Remus took in a deep breath, his body trembling as he said, "I was wondering if maybe we could bring Lily into this prank."
The eager looks turned into blank stares.
"First of all the—the botanical potion is quite complicated—"
"I'm good enough," James said flatly.
Remus swallowed, continuing talking, ignoring James. "—and the illusion spells needed for the insects will take a substantial amount of… power and ability, to cover the entirety of the Great Hall—"
"You did the egg spell all over," Sirius pointed out.
"—and—and Lily is really good at both. Potions and, erm, illusion spells." His voice faltered towards the end as his cheeks began burning, realizing he had made a mistake. Of course none of them would want Lily to join in! "It's—it's something to consider, at least." James and Sirius exchanged looks while Peter focused intently on the blade of grass in his hand. "Er—or not, it's fine," Remus quickly added. "Sorry."
"No, it's fine," James said slowly. "It's—well. I mean she did help with—" And then he stopped suddenly. Remus stared at him with wide eyes.
"Help with what?" Sirius inquired.
James rubbed the back of his head. "Er."
"The Bubble Belch thing," Remus said. "She set the fireworks off. When I was there under the Invisibility Cloak."
Sirius slid off the rock, plopping onto the ground next to Remus to stare at him. "She helped with that?! You let her help?" he added, giving James a look.
"We uh… needed her?" James squeaked out and Remus shot him a dirty look; this was treading on thin ice. "Look, it's not my proudest moment, I'll admit it. It's a dark stain on my otherwise perfect record."
"She enjoyed helping," Remus said, trying not to sound hopeful.
Peter pushed himself into a sitting position. "Y'know, I wouldn't be against her helping out. 'Specially 'cause, um, you know, Remus—we don't want Remus to get too exhausted, if it's a big thing, 'cause then McGonagall will know it's him, wouldn't she?"
"And you said I'm the brains?" Remus asked, and Peter blushed.
"It… might be something to take into consideration," Sirius said, spreading his hands out. "Even if just for the illusion spells."
"I'm not working with her on the potion if we do," snapped James. "If. If. Not saying we are. It's something we'll have to think about."
They probably would have stayed at Fort Dragon through supper, except James needed to eat before Quidditch practice. Remus didn't go with them to the practice, instead shutting himself up in the dorm to study—until he tiptoed over to James's things and nervously opened his trunk, staring at the record player. James made it clear any of the Marauders could borrow it whenever they wanted but…
Slowly he took the record player out, setting it on his desk. Even more slowly he took the Elton John album from his desk, putting it on and adjusting the needle until the song started.
She packed my bags last night pre-flight. Zero hour, 9am. And I'm gonna be hiiiiggggghhhh as a kite by then. I miss the Earth so much, I miss my wife. It's lonely out in in space. On such a tiiiiiiiiimeless flight. And I think it's gonna be a long long time 'til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home oh no, no, no…. I'm a rocket man….
Remus listened to the whole song then played it again from the beginning, then played the bit I'm not the man they think I am at home oh no, no, no. Those lyrics especially filled his body with all sorts of feelings he wasn't quite sure how to describe, though the whole song made his chest ache in a not-so-bad way.
He listened to the chorus once more before putting everything away, guilt consuming him despite James saying it was okay to use the player.
/\/\/\/\/\
Ultimately, Remus didn't mention the albums to his friends. He chickened out, giving them back to Lily the next day, making up some excuse about them not really having the time at the moment to listen extensively to music. She obviously didn't fully believe him, but she also didn't press him on the issue. Besides, the others didn't bring it up again—they were too busy discussing James's final game which was the next day. The whole school was.
"Makes no sense to me," he muttered to Lily as they walked to the library together after supper. "I mean, what if, say, Gryffindor got enough points in their first two games and the other houses didn't get very much, and it was obvious Gryffindor would win the cup whether they win or lose the last match?"
"It's usually very close," Lily pointed out.
Remus let out a long sigh, blowing his fringe back. "Yes but what if it wasn't, is what I'm asking. Why set up a competition where—where there's every possibility of the final game not mattering? What if—what if Hufflepuff got one hundred points every game, and so did Ravenclaw, and Slytherin did too. And Gryffindor got three hundred. At the final game it'd be—be Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw with three hundred points each, Slytherin with two hundred, and Gryffindor with six hundred! Then even if Slytherin won with, say, two hundred points and Gryffindor has zero points, it'd still be Gryffindor winning the Quidditch cup with six hundred, and Slytherin in second with only four hundred. That's—that's so silly!"
"And impossible," Lily said, and Remus looked over at her. "A winning team would have at least one hundred and fifty points, for catching the Snitch!"
Remus spun around, walking backwards as he glared at her amused face. "Oooh! You know what I mean! And if the points margins are big enough the last game wouldn't even matter!"
"Well then, Mr. Quidditch, what would you do?"
"I've said it before. I think the thing that makes the most sense is all the games as is, and the two top scoring houses having a final face-off at the end of the year. Winner is the one that wins the cup."
Lily grinned. "Write a letter to the Quidditch league, then."
Remus rolled his eyes, turning back around just in time to run into a wall. "Ooww!"
"Oh! Are you all right?"
He staggered back, rubbing his nose. "Yes. I suppose that's what I get for making fun of the ancient art of Quidditch."
Lily giggled, slipping her arm through his. "I doubt the Quidditch league would appreciate a stern talking-to from a second year anyhow."
That night after Study Group Remus stayed in the library until curfew, then headed back to the tower to find a sort of party going on already. Not quite a party, though—more like… a pre-game celebration. No, not celebration, nobody was acting like they had already won… it was simply most the Gryffindors excited about the game, and the Quidditch players in the center of the room while music blared from a record player.
Sirius bounded over when he spotted Remus trying to get through to the stairs. "Hey-o," he said cheerfully, flinging an arm around him. "Going to come back down?"
"Probably not. What's going on?"
Sirius shrugged. "Everyone's really excited about tomorrow. Gryffindor hasn't won the Quidditch cup in ages, and we've got a damned good chance."
Remus looked at James who was standing on a table, basking in the attention. "If they win tomorrow—"
"If?" Sirius cracked a grin. "You'd be labeled a traitor."
Remus shrugged, pushing his hair back. "If they win tomorrow, his ego is going to be insufferable."
Sirius bent down, whispering in Remus's ear. "More so than it already is."
Remus giggled, trying not to feel too flushed over Sirius whispering in his ear like that, his breath on his skin, and his arm still around him. Hot, wobbly feelings went all over him, and he felt tingly. Quickly he freed himself from Sirius's grasp. "I'm going to go study. Have fun."
"Sometimes I wonder if you know what fun is!" Sirius shouted after him as he went to the stairs. Remus flapped his hand back at him, not deigning to respond.
When the door opened again twenty minutes later, Remus said, "Sirius, I don't want to go down."
"I wasn't gonna ask you," said James and Remus glanced up in surprise. "I'm not Sirius either." He flung himself onto Remus's bed next to him, picking up the book Remus had been studying from. "It's fine if you don't come celebrate."
"What are you doing up here instead of down there?" Remus asked.
James flipped through the book, keeping a finger in where Remus had been. "I wanted to talk to you. Privately."
His heart and stomach lurched at that. "A—about what?"
James handed him the book back and sat up, staring at the door. "You've seemed kinda weird with me the past week. Did I do something wrong?"
"I—I haven't," Remus protested.
"Yes you have. It's fine when we're all together but when you're talking to me, something seems wrong." James turned to stare at him. "If I did something wrong you can tell me. I know I do dumb crap all the time."
Remus shook his head, putting a bookmark in the textbook and setting it aside. "No," he lied, hoping the word didn't seize up in his throat.
James kept his eyes locked on Remus for a long time. "Okay," he finally said, giving a faint smile. "If you promise."
"I…" Remus glanced up, meeting those hazel eyes. "I—I saw the note. You sent Sirius. Last week. When—when Sirius gave me his notes on Saturday, he left it in there with them by accident."
James's forehead wrinkled. "Note? Which one? I write loads of notes, it's more fun than class."
Remus hugged his knees tightly to his chest. "That you think I don't want to be part of the group. That I lie." James froze up at that. "I wasn't lying about… seeing you. Last week. I had two very rough nights. My face—my f-face was torn and—and I couldn't—"
James spun around, scrambling to kneel in front of him. "Remy, I didn't mean it like that!"
"Then what did you mean?"
Neither of them spoke for what felt like an eternity. "It feels like we're always finding out something new about you," he whispered. "About… everything. Not—not just the… you know… but other things too. But… it's okay. I mean, I was kinda angry about it last week but Siri was right about it not being our business, and I get that you—you aren't used to talking about it. I dunno. I was worried about you, and Pommy said we couldn't see you, and I got upset and angry. I shouldn't have written that."
Remus frowned. "It—I—I was upset mostly about the—the—the bit about me not wanting to be part of the group. James, I care about you three. So much. I don't know what I'd do without you." I'm probably far too dependent on you guys honestly, he thought, not daring to say it out loud. "James, it isn't that I don't trust you. It isn't. I trust you, I trust all you. I've said so many times it has been drilled into my head to keep to myself, to—"
"To not talk about it," James finished for him, running his fingers through his hair. "I know. I know. It's just hard for me to… understand that. I'm used to everything being… open, you know? My parents tell me everything. I don't have anything to… keep to myself so I guess it's difficult to understand that. My whole life has been…" James squinted, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. "Open. It's sometimes hard dealing with you and Sirius who are both so closed up about things. But just because it's hard doesn't mean I'm mad at you, or hate you, you know?"
So Sirius hasn't told him much. Also he was a little hurt that James found it hard dealing with him on occasion, though he could see why. "I can understand that," Remus said, part of him wishing this conversation never happened but also glad it did. "I… it's… I trust you. I do. I don't mean to make things hard."
"It's not your fault," James said firmly. "It's something I'm not used to and I need to get used to it." He crawled up to sit next to Remus and put his arms around him, resting his head on Remus's shoulder. "I'm sorry I wrote that shit."
"It's okay."
"Dunno 'bout that. But it's okay to not tell us things. That's something I need to deal with, and not you."
"I'm sure we don't know everything about you," Remus pointed out. "Not because you're lying or hiding something but because… it's something you don't think about."
James shifted his head, looking up at Remus. "You're right about that. I guess 'cause the… furry problem thing… is more… uh… close? No." He sat up, rubbing his forehead as he thought. "Because it's such a big part of us too… it's… it feels strange when we find out new things. And… well… I know you didn't tell us about the strength thing because you were worried about how we would see you. That's something that hurt a lot. Because we care about you. And then you say you thought we'd think you were a monster after—after all this just… it kinda hurt me."
Remus swallowed as he felt his nose burning and tears threatening to spill down. That wasn't something he ever considered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"
"I know," James cut him off. "It's what you're used to, what you expect. Which makes sense 'cause of how most people see werewolves but…" He picked up Remus's hand, squeezing it between both his hands. "You're more than our friend, Remy. You're part of us."
It took so much effort not to let the tears fall. "I want to be."
James hugged him tighter. "You are. All for one, one for all—"
"And four to the end," Remus whispered, hugging back as tightly as he dared.
The two held onto each other for a long time until James let go, wanting to go back to the party but only after making sure everything was good between them. Remus promised they were, and James gave him another quick hug before leaving.
/\/\/\/\/\
Remus decided to wear a long-sleeved white top with the James Potter t-shirt over it, putting the scarlet shoes on, though not intending to add any glitter until he saw Sirius and Peter glitter-fied their own belts and shoelaces.
"Hey Spinnet," Sirius said, turning around as he pulled his hair back in a ponytail. "Got any problems this time about glitter? Anything special you want to say?" Spinnet glared at Sirius, glanced at Remus, then stalked out of the dorm, Sirius's laughter echoing after him.
"I cannot believe you said that," Remus whispered.
Sirius shrugged, finishing tying off his ponytail. "Spinnet's an arsehole."
Homosexual man, Remus thought as he put in his earplugs. That was something he had been doing his best to forget, to bury it deep so he wouldn't have to think about it. Bloody hell. He fluffed his hair out over his ears to hide the earplugs, trying not to shake too much, not wanting to let bad memories get in the way of a good day.
The entire school was ready for the game. Most of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were in scarlet and gold though a few were in green and silver. The Gryffindors cheered when James entered the Great Hall and he swaggered over to the table, sitting with his other teammates who were already there. Sirius, Peter, and Remus sat with Lily, Colgate, and Inkwood.
"You look good," Sirius said as he slid into the seat next to Inkwood.
"So do you," she giggled.
"Hey Lupin!" Colgate leaned across the table. "I was thinking I could paint our faces again and you could animate them. That'd be so neat for the game!"
"A—all right," he agreed.
"I can do the paint," Sirius offered, and he spent most of the meal carefully painting glittering gold lions on everyone's faces and Remus enchanted them to prowl around on the faces, letting off silent roars. He couldn't help but feel excited and giddy, the atmosphere of the room getting to him.
Finally it was time for the game to start and the castle emptied, everyone going out to watch the final game to see who would win. There was still a slim chance Hufflepuff could win, if both teams scored crappily enough, though Remus doubted that would happen.
He, Sirius, and Peter had pennants to wave, one side saying Gryffindor, the other saying James Potter. They all waved these pennants wildly until Peter gave his to Remus in order to snap pictures. He took pictures of the excited crowds, of the three girls, of all six of them with his camera stretched way out so he could be in the picture too. He took loads of pictures of him, Sirius, and Remus, and then turned his camera onto the field as the teams marched out.
"GO GO GRYFFINDOR GO GO!" most of the stands shouted. Remus waved both pennants, shouting along with everyone else. His earplugs were set to block out as much sound as possible making it… barely tolerable. He knew he'd have a headache by the end of the game, but it'd be fine. At least he'd be able to watch without throwing up!
"JAMES! JAMES! JAMES!" the Marauders shrieked as the players flew up into the air. James had a look of determination on his face, eyes glued on Hooch as she held the Quaffle. She threw it in the air and the game began.