Taking Back the Crown

by JCMorrigan

Mozenrath. Archibald Snatcher. Roman Torchwick. Mad Madam Mim. Yzma. The Huntsman. Wuya. Ayam Aghoul. Their mission: take over the multiverse, or look fabulous trying. Rated M for swearing, steamy implications and VERY bloody battles. Contains slash and het shipping.

142. Covert Operation

A/N: Just a gentle reminder that there is still a back-alley medical procedure in loving detail coming up, and you may want to be braced this chapter. Thanks again to Whumpshire for the assistance!

...

Though Ven and Papyrus attempted to act calm as their canoe steered into the secret cavern, Ven's heart was nearly fluttering out of his chest, and Papyrus didn't have such a fleshy organ to speak of but still felt his metaphysical equivalent doing much the same.

"THIS COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS," Papyrus reminded Ven. Calmly. "THE VILLAIN WHO HAS BEEN CAUSING ALL OF THIS TROUBLE MAY BE IN THIS VERY CAVE."

"I'm ready," Ven said, as though he were ready, which he wasn't.

But as they pulled deeper into the cavern, there was no villain to be found. Just a bunch of old boxes, some stray papers, scuba equipment scattered about, and a beach ball.

"WELL, THAT WAS ANTICLIMACTIC," Papyrus sighed.

"But there might still be clues here," Ven reminded him.

They disembarked, walking up onto the rocky beach within the cozy cave. Ven approached the largest stack of boxes, concern etched on his brow.

"Why do these look so familiar…?" he muttered. A closer look revealed the cause. He gasped; "PAPYRUS! Look at this!"

Papyrus hurried over from the boxes of frozen fish he'd found, and in the process, he accidentally kicked the rubber beach ball into the water, where it floated out to the cavern's center. "WHAT IS IT? DON'T TELL ME THE VILLAIN BEHIND ALL THIS IS HIDING IN THE BOXES."

"No," Ven replied. "But remember how we found that driftwood from the Whitechapel Dawn? Look here."

He pointed. Stamped on the luan wood of the weathered crates was "S.S. WHITECHAPEL DAWN," plain as day.

"GASP!" Papyrus said instead of gasping. "IT'S ALL STARTING TO COME TOGETHER! THE SHIP WAS SMUGGLING THINGS IT SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN, AND SO SOMEONE'S BEEN DRAGGING THE CRATES UP FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN TO GET THE LOOT!"

"And that's how we found the driftwood from it!" Ven realized. "It broke off one of these after it was hauled up! But…how did anyone even get all this stuff off the ocean floor?"

Neither of them noticed the dark shape in the water behind them, coming ever closer.

"YOU DON'T SUPPOSE…CADDY IS REAL?" Papyrus guessed.

"I wouldn't count it out," Ven murmured, "but if Caddy hid from the people on this island that well, how would our bad guy know about her?"

"TRUE, TRUE. UNLESS CADDY IS OUR BAD GUY. WHICH YOU NEVER KN – OOF!"

The beach ball came shooting at Papyrus from behind, thunking against the back of his skull and sending him spilling forward over the crates. Ven spun on instinct, Keyblade braced to defend against whoever had just attacked.

"HEY!" Ven yelled. "NO ONE gets to do that to…"

He couldn't finish the sentence, his eyes wide. "Papyrus…?"

"WHAT?" Papyrus had righted himself, skidding up beside Ven. "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE ACTUALLY SEEN CADDY – OH MY GOD!"

Floating in the cavern's center, looking at Ven and Papyrus with puppy-dog eyes, was the infamous orca that had sparked the debate in town.

"Uh…hi." Ven dismissed his Keyblade, slowly putting up a hand.

The orca bobbed his head in response.

"ARE YOU THE ONE EVERYONE WAS ARGUING ABOUT?" Papyrus asked.

The orca, being an orca, didn't answer the question.

"You…think it's friendly?" Ven whispered.

"YES," Papyrus said plainly. "SEE, HERE'S THE THING ABOUT US MONSTERS. BECAUSE WE'RE MADE OF MAGIC, INTENT MATTERS JUST AS MUCH AS WHAT'S USED TO ATTACK US. IF SOMEBODY WERE TO USE A SILLY PLASTIC KNIFE BUT REALLY, REALLY WANT TO KILL ME WITH IT, THEN I'D DIE. IF THAT WHALE HAD WANTED ME DEAD, THEN THAT BALL WOULD'VE SHATTERED MY SKULL. BUT IT BARELY EVEN HURT. IT'S ONLY PLAYING!"

"Phew." Ven walked gingerly over to the ball. "So it's this you want?"

The orca bobbed again, splashing.

"Here!" Ven lobbed the ball.

The orca bumped it with his nose, sending it back. Papyrus smacked the beach ball toward the water again, setting the orca up to return it, and Ven did a dramatic spin before knocking it back to the orca once more.

After several more turns and dramatic flourishes, it became clear that Ven and Papyrus would get tired of playing beach-ball catch much sooner than the orca ever would. "I can't believe it's so friendly," Ven said with a smile.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THAT FUSS, IT'S JUST SHOWN UP RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF US!" Papyrus added. "…WAIT. WHAT IF I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE IT?"

"Huh?"

"IT'S VERY CONVENIENT, RIGHT? WE OPEN UP A SECRET CAVE THAT HAS THE FINAL ANSWER TO OUR QUESTIONS, THE ORCA JUST HAPPENS TO BE HERE, IT'S FRIENDLY…"

"You're right," Ven realized. "And we were just asking how someone would get the crates – "

He turned on a dime, rushing for the assorted papers. Picking through stacks of figures and tallies until he found the proof he was hoping for: an instruction manual for a military-grade whale harness, one that would allow the end user to be able to control a whale and see through a mounted camera.

"Somebody trained it!" Ven cried. "That's why it's been acting so weird! It isn't even lost! It's someone's PET!"

"AND THEY'RE USING IT TO PULL THE CRATES OUT OF THE WATER!" Papyrus gasped. He turned to the orca; "YOU POOR THING! THAT ISN'T FAIR TO YOU AT ALL!"

The orca didn't seem bothered and had swum closer to shore to try and get the ball off the beach for another game.

"And that's gotta be why these frozen fish crates are here!" Ven realized. "Someone's been feeding it!"

"WELL, WE KNEW THAT PART," Papyrus reminded him. "KATIE WAS FEEDING IT, REMEMBER? BUT NOW WE KNOW THAT SOMEONE ELSE IS…SOMEONE…ELSE…IS…OH. OH DEAR."

Ven realized it as well. "Katie's boat was ransacked after she said the fishers should stay away from the orca. If anyone found out that the orca was being used to pull up smuggled stuff…that'd give away that she'd made Holt and the others stay away on purpose."

"THE BEST WAY TO DISTRACT PEOPLE FROM HOW MUCH SHE WANTED THAT WHALE LEFT ALONE…WOULD BE TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE SOMEONE HAD HURT HER," Papyrus finished. "LIKE SOMEONE HAD WRECKED HER BOAT…AND SHE NEEDED SYMPATHY." He shook his head vigorously. "NO! I DON'T BELIEVE IT. KATIE IS OUR FRIEND! SHE WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT! THIS HAS TO BE SOME OTHER VILLAIN'S WORK!"

"Maybe there'll be something in what we haven't looked through yet." Ven began to shuffle the scuba gear around. "Something that tells us a name, or…"

His heart sank. "Oh, no."

"WHAT?"

Ven rose, holding out a pair of leather gloves. With the name "Firestone" embossed on them.

"AS IN…KATIE FIRESTONE," Papyrus said. He didn't have a stomach either, and yet could feel it drop.

"We trusted her," Ven said mournfully.

"…KEEP THE GLOVES," Papyrus urged. "WE NEED TO FIND OUT THE TRUTH. LET'S GO BACK TO THE DOCK AND SHOVE THOSE IN KATIE'S FACE AS WE TELL HER WHERE WE FOUND THEM! SHE'LL HAVE TO TELL US EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS THEN! AND…HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE A RATIONAL EXPLANATION THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE HER EXPLOITING A BABY WHALE TO COLLECT STOLEN TREASURE FROM THE OCEAN FLOOR."

"Yeah," Ven sighed. "Hopefully."

Papyrus felt immersed im melancholy as he saw Ven's face fall. The point of this trip was to get Ven's mind off the people who had done him wrong. And now Ven was just learning all the more that the people he put his trust in could still betray him.

Maybe it had been a mistake to come here.

But if they hadn't, then no one would be able to stop Katie from doing something even worse. Papyrus knew that it wouldn't end here. When this many riches were on the line, someone was eventually bound to get truly hurt. It was his duty to stop it before that happened. And maybe, just maybe, Ven getting to have a hand in it would lift his spirits as well.

"LET'S GO BACK."

They settled into their canoe. The orca followed them out as far as the entrance to the sea cave network, then took off into the deep.

Maybe it was all just a bad set of evidence, Papyrus thought. There were still other possibilities at play. Katie didn't have to be the mastermind. By the time they'd gotten back to the dock, he'd convinced himself that she could clear everything up with an explanation.

But it wasn't to be. Because her boat was very clearly missing from the dock where it was always moored.

...

The safehouse Kairi had found was an abandoned shack in the slums. Thankfully, it did truly seem safe. As Ruby, Booster, Jaune, Nora, Ren, Blake, Weiss, Donald, Goofy, Yuffie, Qrow, and Oscar huddled around the falling-apart furniture in the living room, no one came to bother them, and Blake fired off rapid texts to communicate with her White Fang allies and arrange a rendez-vous with Sun, Ilia, and Kokichi.

However, the peeling gray paint and dusty corners reflected everyone's mood as they surrounded an odd centerpiece: the iceberg that served as Kazuichi's resting place and hopefully not his coffin.

"I'm just gonna say it," Qrow sighed. "Any hospital in Mistral is out. The kingdom's been compromised. Who knows where the enemy is?"

"But they could be anywhere in the world," Oscar said. "Why is any other kingdom safer than this one?"

Before anyone else could answer, Ozpin took over; "Because the point is that no matter how far the enemy has infiltrated, the key is where they know WE are. And they know we are here. Anywhere else, we can hide."

"Well, we gotta pick somewhere!" Donald urged. "That ice won't last forever!"

"We can't just move without thinking," Qrow reminded the group. "We lost Haven. I don't think our enemy's just gonna call it a day after that."

"He's right," Ruby said. She and Booster were huddled on the largest couch, and Booster had an arm around her, pulling her close. "The fact that we lost Haven and the relic…it feels like I failed horribly. If there's any way we can stop this before it gets too out of hand…"

"Ruby, it's okay," Nora ventured. "Seriously. Like…you can't fix everything."

"And don't forget," Goofy said. "It ain't about how good ya are at savin' people. What matters is the people we save!"

"Then let's be sure to save who we can before we leave," Ruby urged.

"But how would we even know where to go?" Ren asked.

"I…" Qrow's shoulders slumped. "I have no idea."

"Let's wait for Sun and Ilia to drop off Kokichi first," Blake suggested. "They might have suggestions from their side of things."

So they did wait, in silence, no one in a mood to bring up anything much happier. At about the time that Donald and Goofy were exchanging glances, conspiring silently to try and cheer up the group, there came a shave-and-a-haircut knock on the door.

Kairi answered, pulling the door wide with a creak. Outside, Kokichi fired her the most evil grin in his arsenal.

"Trusting me was YOUR mistake!" he crowed. "While you were off playing hero, I MURDERED all your little friends! Well? Doesn't that just make you aaaaaangry? Nee-hee-hee!"

After a moment of stunned silence, Sun Wukong simply said "I told you that wasn't gonna be funny" and stepped into view from around the door frame.

"Well, you still played along," Kokichi reminded him.

"Yeah," Ilia said as she and one other figure approached from the other side. "To get you to be quiet about it."

"Come on in, guys," Blake urged.

So they did. And it was at this time that the stranger was noticed. "Who's that?" Weiss asked.

"She says she came from the Vault and saw the battle down there," Ilia explained. "She's from the Branwen tribe."

"My name is Vernal," Vernal said with a slight inclination of her head. "And…honestly, I probably shouldn't even be alive right now."

"If you were in the Vault," Jaune realized, "then…you know things about our enemy."

"Wait a minute!" Yuffie cried. "That IS the enemy! She's the bitch I fought in the Grand Hall!"

"Look," Vernal snapped. "I did what I had to do in order to survive. If I hadn't fought you then, I couldn't bring you this news now. You can either trust me or not. It's your choice."

"We should give her a chance," Goofy suggested.

"After all," Donald said, "if it's a lie, we can figure that out on our own."

"But I don't think Vernal looks like the lyin' type," Goofy said. "In fact, lookin' at ya now…you were scared that whole time, weren't ya?"

"I…" Vernal sighed. "It's a long story."

"So tell it," Ruby urged.

Vernal, Sun, Ilia, and Kokichi sat on the floor; the latter tapped Kazuichi's ice playfully. "You probably know me as the Spring Maiden," Vernal sighed. "The thing is…that was a lie. I was a decoy meant to draw attention from the real Spring Maiden: Raven Branwen."

"Raven – " Qrow gasped. "I…I didn't know she had it in her."

"My purpose was to die in her place if anyone got ideas," Vernal went on. "But…they figured us out down there. The plan didn't work. I'm here, and Raven…" Her breath caught in her throat. "Raven's dead."

The weight of the air in the room increased.

"That…that was Yang's mom," Ruby said softly.

"And my sister," Qrow breathed.

"I'm sorry," Vernal said firmly. "Raven…probably wasn't the best guardian to me, honestly. But she was still the closest thing to a mother I had. I'm glad to be alive, but if I could have brought her back with me, I would."

"Which one of them killed her?" Jaune asked. "Which side, I mean. Roman's side or Cinder's side?"

"Cinder's," Vernal revealed. "Their plan was always to use us, take our power, and throw us away. One of theirs, the one they call 'Gothel,' is the new Spring Maiden."

"That's…not good," Weiss sighed.

"Understatement of the year," Nora scoffed.

"I actually managed to escape because I struck a deal with the weakest on Roman's side," Vernal explained. "When they showed up, I had a way out. That one delivered me to the surface…and I ran. Until I found the White Fang."

"We kinda thought she might be important, coming from the Grand Hall and all," Sun commented.

"And she looked scared," Ilia added. "She obviously needed a place to belong, so…why not us?"

"So did you see what happened next?" Booster asked. "The WHAM ARMY versus Cinder's group?"

"No," Vernal admitted. "But I can tell you one thing: the Relic of Knowledge is long gone. There's no way the Vault wouldn't have been opened down there, with the Spring Maiden in play. And that's where my knowledge ends."

Ozpin gave a sympathetic look to Qrow. Qrow couldn't muster any words. Ozpin looked back to Vernal; "We can assume they will be chasing another relic."

"There are three more, right?" Weiss recalled. "How do we pick the right one?"

"Oh, gee, I have no idea," Kokichi broke in.

Jaune sighed. "Okay, you know something, don't you?"

"I don't know what you mean!" Kokichi teased. "And this piece of scrap metal definitely doesn't tell us anything!"

From his pocket, he retrieved a chunk of steel, tossing it out onto the floor before the ice capsule. Kairi bent to scoop it up, reading the print on it: "Made in Atlas."

"It came from that giant mech you guys destroyed," Sun revealed. "We think it might be a clue to where they're going next."

"So then we know where we're going," Ruby realized. "To Atlas."

"No, we're not," Weiss told her firmly. "I barely managed to escape. General Ironwood isn't letting any ships in or out."

"But we have a ship that can transcend the atmosphere!" Booster reminded her. "We can sail over the blockade and come back down! And he'll have to understand, since this is an emergency!"

"I…I wouldn't assume that," Qrow muttered. "James is…not as well-adjusted as he likes to give the impression of."

"If we're going to Atlas," Jaune realized, "then I have an idea of where we should stop off with Kazuichi. An Atlesian hospital might be too close to…whatever it is that's gonna happen. But Argus is right on the way. If we fly over it, then we can drop him off. I'll go with him. I, uh…I've got family in Argus. I probably should've checked in with them a while ago anyway."

"I'll go, too," Kairi volunteered. "That's…something I can handle. And I want to make sure he gets better."

"Kairi…" Jaune faltered. He stopped himself. He had many words, words regarding how much she was hating herself, but if they were going to be together in Argus, away from the action, then he'd have better opportunities to say them. "I'm really glad you're coming with. I think we need each other more than ever."

"All right," Blake declared. "We have a plan. So. You four coming?"

"Pfft, fuck no!" Kokichi scoffed. "So where's this ship parked anyway? I wanna make sure I don't miss it."

A groan went up.

"I'm gonna say no, and for real," Sun said. "Haven needs cleanup work, and it wouldn't hurt to have a backup team in case we're wrong about Atlas being the target."

"If your ship can get past the blockade, then you need to be the ones who go," Ilia added. "Sun and I can easily get to Vale or Vacuo."

"I'll call up the other guys," Sun suggested. "Team SSSN, ready to go again!"

Ilia gave Vernal a smile; "Would you come with us? I think you could help out a lot."

"I – " Vernal's speech hitched in her throat. She had in no way thought she would get this far. "I guess I have nowhere else to go." Oh, she heard how that sounded once it was out of her mouth. "Sorry. That came out wrong. I mean, it's true…but also, you're the only people in this world I even remotely trust. If you're going to another Academy…then you can count me in."

Ilia put a hand on Vernal's shoulder; "I hope we can become friends. I'll tell you…my past isn't so great, either."

Vernal returned her a smile.

"So regardless of contradiction, the ex-Roman stooge is coming with us," Qrow tallied. "Other than that, no new recruits except Blake."

"You…are coming with us, right?" Ruby asked Blake. "If…if you wanted to stay with Sun and Ilia, I'd get that too, but – "

"Ruby." Blake gave a soft smile. "I…I really missed you. You, and Weiss…and Yang. I'm not leaving you again for a long while if I can help it."

"Well, it's three-fourths of Team RWBY at least," Weiss said.

"Back in action." Ruby smiled.

Weiss then looked over quite sternly to where Kairi had settled back down in the same overlarge armchair as Jaune, the two of them squeezing into the ample space the chair offered so they could lean on one another, hands intertwined. With a furrowed brow, Weiss demanded, "Take care of him. I mean it."

"We will," Jaune told her.

"We'll bring him back to you," Kairi promised.

"Hey, that ice is still melting, remember!" Donald urged. "Let's get going already!"

They all got up, moving out of the shack. Once they were on the street, Ruby positioned herself to put one hand on Weiss' shoulder and one on Blake's, smiling at each in turn.

Qrow, however, hesitated. Raven's demise fresh on his mind, he turned to look over at the familiar landmark of the slums: the house where he'd inquired about Heather Shields. By an unexpected grace, at least he'd gotten to know what had become of Raven. Anyone should deserve to know of a loss in the family.

This was going to be a tough conversation.

"Just hang on a minute," he sighed. "There's…some news I gotta deliver first."

...

The Cinnamon contingent wasn't the only group for whom Mistral hospitals were dangerous, of course. Which is how Li'l Miss Malachite ended up with a bedraggled Roman Torchwick before her table in the pub, along with all of his cronies, one of whom had been shot and was openly bleeding on her floor.

"You just couldn't stay outta trouble, could ya?" she groaned.

But a glare from Miltia had spurred her to get to work on arrangements without further banter. Most of the group stayed in the pub proper, ordering drinks and milling about to get their minds off whatever brouhaha had resulted in this.

Snatcher, however, had been shown the basement room that Li'l Miss Malachite had reserved for this very purpose. A safehouse, where those of the underbelly could patch up without suspicion, no questions asked. He lay upon a decently soft cot with a thin blanket. It was a short walk from the upstairs level, but the hole in Snatcher's lung made every step seem like twenty. How long had it taken him to get settled on this bed? Five minutes or a week?

Vexen was there as well, of course, rooting through the varied medical supplies in the drawers. "This all just screams getting an infection," he muttered to himself. Though that was what the high-proof alcohol in the clear bottle on the nightstand was for, he supposed. Better than nothing. And Li'l Miss certainly had seen her fair share of odd and grievous injuries, from the looks of it. All the equipment he could've asked for without getting into the high-tech was here, and then some. The very implications of the presence of the bonesaw and the the #15 scalpel would've been offputting to anyone who wasn't Vexen.

And then there was Roman, who of course wouldn't hear of being absent from this but was fidgeting horribly, pacing in place and turning circles without really giving a thought to where he was going.

"It's fine," he kept muttering to himself. "It's fine, it's gonna be fine – "

"I would appreciate if you didn't keep repeating a mantra that implied you had any doubt in my skill at this procedure," Vexen told him as he casually drew up a long rubber tube. Perfect.

"Really, Roman," Snatcher wheezed, attempting to play it off. "I can assure you I am made of much sterner stuff than…than…well, whatever could be stopped by a lung puncture. After all, I've still got the second long, haven't I?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Vexen groaned. "I suppose I should warn you that this is going to be very, very painful. Agonizing, in fact. Do try not to squirm or make a fuss." Coiling the tube on the nightstand, he took up the alcohol and the rag, wetting the latter with the former.

"I can assure you, Mr. Vexen," Snatcher said cockily. "My pain tolerance is most – "

It was almost comedic how loudly he screamed, how suddenly his entire body bucked when Vexen pressed the rag to the wound. Roman's focus was suddenly snapped to the operation at that signal; he stared, horrified, as though Vexen were making it worse on purpose.

"And that was just the disinfection process," Vexen sighed. "Which is nothing compared to the intubation. I will ask of you ONE MORE TIME to be STILL AND SILENT."

There was definite terror in Snatcher's eyes as he looked back to Vexen; "You mean to tell me it gets worse – "

"Such a legendary pain tolerance indeed." Vexen took up the tube. And then began the work of inserting it in the wound without any further warning in order to refill the collapsed lung with air.

Snatcher couldn't remember ever, in his life, having felt something that excruciating. Barely even in control, he gave a wordless bellow of pain, writhing to get away, because there must've been some mistake, surely anything that hurt this badly must've been a malicious act rather than one of healing.

"OH, for goodness' sake – " Vexen cried as his work was undone, a now bloody tube left in his hand. "Roman, hold him down while I finish this!"

"Oh, I SO did not want it to come to this," Roman sighed.

And he did as he was told, draping himself over top of Snatcher, his arms tensing like iron bars to pin Snatcher down to the bed.

Snatcher had been thinking there was hardly anything worse than the intubation process that Vexen had been attempting on him. Well, now he stood completely corrected. The worst of it was having to endure the pain of the re-insertion as he squalled like a child completely against his own will, and the whole time, the last person he ever wanted to see him this practically invalid was the one making sure he stayed in place as the tube stabbed into him constantly.

He really didn't see a way he could live this down. Surely this was the lowest to which a man could be brought.

"If it's any consolation," Roman muttered directly into his ear, "you are doing way, WAY better than I was the first time I got shot."

Which had to be a lie because Snatcher couldn't begin to picture Roman acting so infantile at the touch of pain.

Then, while the wound still stung fresh, it stayed steady without any new spiking. "THERE," Vexen declared victoriously. "That will be enough of THAT. And you'll be spared the necromancy."

Snatcher was beginning to think that dying and being resurrected would've probably been the more graceful option.

"So long as you stay still and DO NOT REMOVE the implement," Vexen said, "you won't need supervision. The projectile itself will have to stay until we can get back to the medical bay where I have the bulk of my equipment. Do not attempt to remove that, either. We'll plan on moving the two of you back to my proper workspace as soon as all other plans have been arranged. Until then, I'll be upstairs making sure Mim hasn't infested the foundations with termites." And he took his leave.

Slowly, tentatively, Roman let go, straightening up, and Snatcher couldn't even look him in the eye. "You're not to…" he began, and wasn't even able to finish the sentence without feeling overwhelming shame about what had just happened.

"I won't," Roman promised, based on that alone. "Shit, this didn't have to happen – " He stepped aside to lean against the wall, reaching into his pockets. "I'll kill him, I swear, I will KILL him and I'll make it last – " Two shaking hands reaching in to withdraw a lighter and a cigarette that he couldn't even get to connect to each other once the tobacco was in his mouth, his nervous thumb flicking the flame on and letting it die several times consecutively.

Snatcher then realized that Roman was still far, far too distressed over the fact that he'd been shot nearly fatally in the first place to be at all thinking about how vulnerable Snatcher had just been. That was a relief.

Less of a relief was realizing how shaken Roman was, and he wasn't even the one in the cot.

Well, figuring a way around this would be a welcome diversion, both from the lingering humiliation and the low but constant pain where the tube was jammed into Snatcher's chest. He cleared his throat; "I'm certain you were lying. I can't see how your first bullet wound was possibly any worse than this, and I won't have you making light of me in such a manner."

The lighter finally steadied with a click. The cigarette was lit, and around it, Roman gave a soft smirk. "Hm." (So Snatcher's plan was working.) "You really wanna put money on that, huh?"

"I'd bet my life savings on it."

"Well, lemme tell you something." Roman advanced closer to the bed. "You know how Dust works, right?"

Good. He was already invested in the dramatic retelling. Which would keep him from getting any more anxious. There was space on the edge of the bed nearest Roman, and Snatcher gave it an inviting pat. Roman accepted, sitting gently on the mattress beside him.

"Specifically, I mean Burn." A long drag; Roman expelled the smoke in a plume. "Do I have to explain Burn?"

"That's the one that burns, is it not?"

"Yeah. And I'll tell you, even the uncut stuff is hot to the touch. Now, say someone, as many people do, was using ammo made not of the powdered stuff but of the hard stuff. Burn bullets, if you will. Combine the natural properties with the friction of the blast igniting it, and what do you think happens if you get hit with one of those? As in one of those has to stay in your body."

"Well, based on what you've said," Snatcher surmised, "I should think it would actively burn while it was embedded."

"Bingo. So I have a Burn bullet in me and it hasn't just left a hole; it is actively SETTING ME ON FIRE from the inside. That was not a great back-alley surgery. Pretty sure I punched the guy Neo paid off to do it. She had to pay him extra. Then I kicked him in the nuts, and we were out SO much lien that day."

Envisioning Roman driven to such pain that he would be flailing so…Snatcher hadn't thought it possible. And it wasn't a pleasant mental image – not because it in any way tarnished Roman's status, but because it seemed an awful shame that Snatcher hadn't even known him at the time. Couldn't have been there. Missed opportunities.

"There's still one question you haven't answered," Snatcher pointed out. "Where WERE you hit?"

Roman let out a wheeze. "Oh. You're gonna love this." It was hard to tell if he actually thought it was humorous himself or if he was just trying to cover for how shameful it was to say. "Right in the fucking ass. Which means you now know what THAT scar is from."

Oh, that made too much sense. The scar in question, Snatcher hadn't really thought to pry about, but it was distinctive, with evidence of at least second-degree burns flaring out around the impact mark itself. Tentatively, Snatcher raised a hand, fingers reaching out to where Roman sat on the mattress, teasing over where exactly that scar was beneath the layers of fabric. "Indeed. Not a pleasant ordeal at all." He let his fingertips lay there, an assurance for a wound years healed. "Though you realize it adds character. It's got an aesthetic to it."

And Roman was smiling more honestly now. "So now you know about that AND the crooked toes. Any other marks you wanna know the stories of? Because I'm telling you, I have stories."

"Seeing as I've got nothing but time, regale me."

Upstairs, the others settled in to contemplate their next move. The Mukhtar was the last to order a drink, approaching Li'l Miss' table with cold eyes as he demanded, "The bitterest tea you have."

"Hm." Li'l Miss leaned forward. "Lemme tell ya somethin'." In a soft hiss: "We reserve the right to refuse service to Faunus."

There was a sudden BANG as a red-gloved hand slammed onto the table. Perpendicular to the crossfire of their stares, Miltia had entered the scene, glowering at her aunt.

"He's one of us," she growled. "You get him what he fucking wants. Gods."

Li'l Miss waited an uncomfortably long time before nodding.

As the Mukhtar was handed a steaming cup, he hissed to Miltia, "You have my gratitude." And then turned away to find a table to sit at by himself.

Miltia went the other direction, sitting where Hannibal in bean form was talking to Neo. She sighed as she fell into the nearest empty seat.

Neo gestured for Hannibal to shut up, then turned to give Miltia an inquisitive look.

"So, like, you remember that fight at Haven when I was talking about total monsterfuckers and how gross that is?" Miltia asked.

Neo nodded, not sure where this was going.

With her eyes locked on the Mukhtar, Miltia revealed, "I think I just became the total monsterfucker. That guy is HOT and I don't know what to do with this information."

Neo started laughing silently, convulsing happily from knowing such a secret.

"It's not funny," Miltia huffed, folding her arms. "My whole rep could take a serious dive. But also, he is so kissable. I'm not wrong."

"Well, I know what to do with that information," Hannibal informed her. "I say it's time for a confession."

"No," Miltia said flatly.

"I never said it was you who had to confess." Hannibal slyly shifted into Miltia's shape, a smirk crawling across his lips. "Oh, Mukhtar! You set my heart on fire and I wanna hatch your eggs!"

"DON'T – "

Hannibal tried to dash for it, but Miltia was faster, resulting in a slight scene being made when the real Miltia wrestled the fake Miltia back to impede his progress. Neo just kept laughing; this was the gift that continued to give.

At yet another table, Zorg was sketching, having pulled several napkins together to make the closest approximation to sketch paper he could work up in a tavern. Drakken watched as Zorg's pencil flew over the napkins.

"Gonna need a new weapon if we're doin' anythin' else on this world," Zorg rattled off. "Since the one I brought was so bravely detonated in the line of battle, but y'know what they say, you can't make a victory without breakin' a few ZF1s. Now, another Replay model is gonna be a tall order on the fly, so we're goin' a bit lower-tech. But follow me a while. Here, everythin's also a gun. It's the marketing catch-all. 'It's also a gun! It's also a gun!' So that ain't new. What WOULD be new is if it was a gun to begin with. And when somebody asks, you get to tell 'em that what looks like an ordinary gun is also a…"

It took Drakken a moment to realize Zorg had pointed the eraser to him, prompting him to answer. So he said the first thing that came to mind: "Chain…saw…?"

Zorg smiled. "You'n'I are on the same damn page." And he went back to sketching.

When Vexen emerged, he headed straight for the table where the Huntsman and Mim were deep in conversation. "He's stable," he announced, inserting himself in the discussion. "For now. I presume the two of you are discussing where we go from here."

"Tactically, it would make the most sense to retreat," the Huntsman stated. "I said as much."

"And I told him that's hogwash," Mim replied. "We've been dishonored! Humiliated! Beaten black and blue! The only appropriate response is to hit back even harder so they know what they're messing with!"

"And?" Vexen asked. "Which one of your ideologies won out?"

"Mim," the Huntsman replied. "In part because agreeing to seek vengeance is my side of the bargain for her not releasing a horde of termites on this very pub."

Vexen let out a soft sigh. "I hate that I guessed that."

"But more importantly," the Huntsman went on, "because she is right. To surrender now would be to signal a victory for the Overtakers. We shall reconsider if we are bested again, but for now, we cannot allow this to be the message we send. We have power to rival the Maidens. It is time we reveal it."

"Which brings us to the next point," Mim said. "We've got two founders down and out. Well, I'm assuming two. Roman won't want to go anywhere now that Archie's bedridden."

"I think we all know that," Vexen stated. "You can also remove me from the equation. Mr. Snatcher will require more medical attention, and I am frankly the only one qualified to give it. We shall have to relocate to the warship medical bay."

"As we'd suspected," the Huntsman said. "That leads us to the thought of calling in reinforcements to make up the difference."

"Not to mention roping in the more magical side of the team so we can show those Maidens what for," Mim added. "You realize Ghoulie's had to sit out on all of this. He'll be more than happy to get in on the action!"

"The quandary is where we are going next," the Huntsman sighed. "For all we know, the Overtakers' business is finished on this world. It is…only a strong gut feeling that prevents me from truly committing to that."

"Well, let's take stock of what we do know," Vexen said. "Four Huntsman Academies. Each one will likely have a similar Vault and a similar treasure. Shall we discuss the likelihood of each?"

While Vexen, Mim, and the Huntsman hashed out theories, Miltia had finally put Hannibal in a headlock only to be interrupted by the ringing of her scroll. With an "Ugh" she pulled the device from a pocket, answering. "What?"

"What the fuck is going on over there?" Melanie asked over the line. "Were you in some kind of fight? I could feel like a billion bruises."

"No shit," Miltia replied. "What would I be doing that wasn't a fight?"

(Hannibal slipped from Miltia's grasp with a slight shape-shift to make himself wirier. He continued for the Mukhtar until Neo planted herself in front of him to convince him not to give anything away, because they could still milk this for a lot more fun in the days to come.)

"So are you done?" Melanie asked. "'Cause I gotta tell you something."

"No, I'm still getting my ass kicked," Miltia replied. "Duh, I'm done. I answered the call, didn't I?"

"Okay. So get this."

"But they've already SACKED Vale," Mim was arguing. "They wouldn't go back."

"We have reason to believe they do not have the Vale relic," the Huntsman argued.

"Then why didn't they take it earlier?" Mim asked. "There's got to be a reason for that!"

"Perhaps that doubling back is so unlikely, it would serve as a cover," the Huntsman said.

"Um. Guys?"

When Miltia spoke, the Huntsman, Mim, and Vexen all looked to her.

"Mel just figured out our guys are setting up for Atlas next," Miltia revealed. "There's been, like, some weird shit going on with the blockade, and they're pretty sure a ship got through. Then we found out that Hole in the Wall – which is, like, this place but Atlas – hosted a bunch of strangers and then just got wrecked."

"Then there remains no question," the Huntsman said. "Tell Melanie we shall rendez-vous with her as soon as we have obtained backup."

Miltia tapped her screen. "Yeah, so we need to invite some more losers, and then we'll be right over. So Roman's boyfriend got shot and we need to replace him, and also Roman's being a huge sap and sitting out to play nurse, so we need to replace him too…"

As she walked away, Vexen yelled after her, "I DID MOST OF THE WORK WITH THE INTUBATION, YOU KNOW!"

"Let it go," the Huntsman sighed. "You can have your accolades once Snatcher is fully healed."

"And we'll have ours once the Overtakers are fully DEAD!" Mim cackled.

"Tell the others it's last call," the Huntsman said.

...

Harley, Yang, and Giovanni were wide-eyed and all smiles when the Van Eltia docked at Taliesin. The city was built on the side of a mountain, its myriad buildings escalating up with rows of stairs acting as their veins, looking almost to be hewn from the white stone of the mountain itself. Cables and pulleys were active with cargo crates moving along them; windmills turned lazily in the sea breeze.

"It's a sight, isn't it?" Velvet said with a soft smile as she approached the other three. "This is the continent I called home. While I lived in the village of Aball, this city was always the center of trade and travel. It was like a fairy tale to us."

"It's…weird," Yang said. "I get this feeling of déjà vu. Like I've seen this place before. But I already know I haven't."

"I…feel like that too," Giovanni admitted.

"Eh." Harley waved a hand. "I do too, but I know why. It looks just like a Greek vacation isle! Though I tell ya, when I was a kid, I used to think Greek islands looked like some kinda magic kingdom."

"Remnant doesn't have…Greek," Yang reminded her.

"Huh." Giovanni pondered this. "Weird."

"Eh, no point in overthinkin' it." Harley shrugged. "It's shore leave time!"

Because the city was so massive, everyone was able to spread out quite a bit within its sloping streets. In no time, the Heathens onboard had found sights to gravitate to.

Catra wanted to see just how high up the stairways went, and so set out to journey to the summit of the town. On the highest rooftop she could find, she discovered that someone had beaten her to the very idea.

"Wha – how did you get up here already?" she snapped, bristling.

"Shhh!" Crusher hissed. "You'll scare them off!"

He was covered in cats. The strays of Taliesin came in all coat colors: black, white, orange, tuxedo, brown and striped. Crusher had gotten as many cats as possible to come sit on or near him atop the roof, and was doing his best to pet all of them. At least ten, though Catra had trouble counting them all.

"Ugh," she scoffed. "This is so weird."

"You mean the fact that you're an anthropomorphic cat and you're looking at smaller versions of yourself that don't have the same level of intelligence as you and are kept as pets?"

"Yeah," Catra replied. "Wouldn't that weird you out? Except I'm not one of THEM. They're little versions of what I am. Other way around."

"These ones are friendly, if you want to come sit," Crusher offered.

With a roll of her eyes, Catra accepted the invitation, not really sure why she was doing so. The cats still unnerved her. However, when a fluffy white one came walking on the edge of the roof to curl up in her lap, she ended up not regretting it.

"So," Catra spoke up. "What's your deal? You're obviously one of those Banzai Bozos if the uniform's anything to go off."

"I, uh…yes," Crusher replied. "I'm…kind of Giovanni's right-hand man."

"How's that working out?"

"Uh…okay, I guess." He stared out at the ocean, sparkling beneath the sun. "I couldn't ask for anyone better to work for. I just…wish he appreciated me the way I appreciate him, sometimes."

Catra gasped; "You LIKE him!"

"I never said – "

"You TOTALLY like him!" She gave a mischievous laugh. "And he doesn't notice you!"

"Shut up," Crusher mumbled. "I'm…really afraid lately it wouldn't even work out. I mean, if he was gonna notice I had a thing for him, it woulda been a long time ago, right?"

"Some people are just clueless," Catra told him. "Take my ex. We were childhood friends, I followed her everywhere, I scratched people who tried to take her attention away from me, and then, when we had a falling-out and picked opposite sides, somehow she didn't pick up on the fact that every time I came after her personally, that was because I couldn't get her out of my head." She gave a light laugh. "Then again, it took me a while to admit that to myself. But I figured it out way, WAY before she did."

"One time," Crusher said, "I told Giovanni he was the apple of my eye. He just told me he preferred oranges."

"Pfft, that's nothing," Catra scoffed. "I once crashed a prom to get under Adora's skin. I wore a suit and weaseled my way in to dance with her all night. And she didn't ONCE think I was there for any reason but to destroy the Princess Alliance. I mean, that was a goal, but not the ONLY goal."

"I can beat that…"

This led to a great trading of stories as to which crush was more clueless: Giovanni or Adora.

Down in the square, Gluntz and Scorpia had managed to track down some food – a thick, old-fashioned sort of pizza, baked with chunks of squid on top – and decided to sit on the edge of the wide, circular fountain to eat it.

"There are so many cats here!" Gluntz's eyes sparkled.

"Soooo cuuuuute!" Scorpia squealed. "You know, they remind me a lot of Catra. I wonder if she's weirded out by this or if she likes them too."

There was a mew at Scorpia's feet. A black cat with white markings. "Oh, hey, little guy!" Scorpia greeted. "You hungry?" She picked a piece of squid off her pizza, dropping it onto the street.

As the cat ate it up, another came begging at Gluntz's feet, standing on hind legs. "Here ya go, buddy!" Gluntz said as she tossed a bit of crust to the newcomer cat.

The next thing either of them knew, they were surrounded by a veritable herd of cats, at least twenty lining up before them to see if they would get any food.

"Okay," Gluntz admitted, "now I'm kinda scared."

"Me too," Scorpia said. "All their eyes are just…JUDGING us. We better keep them happy."

"What happens when we run out of pizza?" Gluntz asked.

"I think we just hope for the best," Scorpia said back.

Electro had made his way to the sanctuary. A church, essentially, with rows of pews. No service was in session, but many people were lined up in the pews, praying silently. Electro was not a religious man and never had been, but he'd been struck by another wave of self-doubt, as happened to him every now and again, so he'd come to the most secluded place he could find to have a quiet seat and think it out.

The inciting incident had been when people had pointed at him and his containment suit, whispering to one another if they thought he was dangerous. And it really hadn't been appropriate to say that yes, he was dangerous, but not in that particular set of circumstances. So he'd left it alone and stayed silent.

He liked what he was now. So why couldn't the rest of the world catch up already?

More importantly…how long had he had company on this pew?

He flinched when he realized the presence next to him. Melog sat upright on the wooden seat, staring silently at Electro.

"I didn't ask for company," Electro told Melog.

Melog nudged Electro's gloved hand with his nose, indicating that he didn't much care.

"I thought you were Catra's friend," Electro said.

Melog didn't respond beyond tilting his head. Somehow, Electro knew that meant Melog was asserting that he could make more than one friend if he so desired.

Jack Sparrow wandered the streets, taking in the sights of the port city and filing away any useful information he observed. He intended to make good on getting something worth his salt to present to Giovanni and Harley – if only because it was what he did best.

"And where are we going on this lovely day?" Ragdoll did a backflip off a rooftop to land on their hands beside Jack, walking along upside-down.

"Pirate business, of course," Jack responded. "This is a town of opportunities no matter which way you view it. It's all a matter of finding the one what makes the most sense to pursue."

There was a thud as Firefly descended from the skies on Jack's other side. "Mind if we cut in?" Firefly asked. "I've been casing the place. I think I've found a few things that a pirate might be interested in."

"Do tell," Jack urged.

"We've got a couple high-end jewelry vendors with outdoor stalls," Firefly rattled off. "All we'd need is a good diversion."

"I am a VERY good diversion," Ragdoll laughed.

"Then there's a church," Firefly went on. "Probably hoarding collection plate savings. If we – "

"Now hold on just a moment." Jack outpaced them both, turning around to face both of them in a disapproving manner. "These are rather small ambitions, are they not?"

"I believe that's why they call it 'petty' thievery," Ragdoll confirmed.

Jack sighed. "And what exactly do you think pirates are?"

"Thieves," Ragdoll and Firefly said in unison. After a pause, Ragdoll added, "With boats."

Jack winced. Then held still a good moment before saying with deliberation in each word: "A captain…thinks…a little bigger…than that. Ask yourselves what here can be exploited for the maximum in spoils. Who can be blackmailed, who will pay to have unethical deeds carried out, and who will pay double to stop us from doing said unethical deeds? Where does the power lie, and where can we cut to siphon off from it? And, perhaps most importantly, who will we be teaching a well-deserved lesson in personal security through our meticulously selected crime?"

"I get it," Firefly realized. "So it's less about the collection plate and more about what the entire church system could do for us if we pressed the right buttons."

"Churches tend to hide their dirty laundry in rather plain sight, you know," Ragdoll pointed out.

"More importantly," Firefly said, "the upper district seems to be the rich guys. I bet they're all trade lords. Some pretty choice mansions."

"So you have, in essence, found out where the lifeblood of Taliesin must flow," Jack told him. "And you chose to tell me that AFTER the jewelry vendors."

"I have a brand," Firefly responded.

Ragdoll did a flip to right themselves on their feet. "It seems we've got some scheming to do."

"Aaaaaaall right!" Harley proclaimed as she, Yang, Giovanni, and Velvet strolled through the town. "So first things first, it's naptime! Gotta figure out who's all here, and where we gotta go!"

"Whaddaya say, Hurting Hand?" Giovanni urged, elbowing Velvet. "Wanna be the dynamic duo who gets stuff done while the team leaders are sleeping?"

"If you're asking if I want to look around town with you, then yes," Velvet replied.

"Great!" Yang said. "That means Harley and me get some alone time." She winked at Harley –

And froze, flinching. There was a crackle around her, a blue light, that immediately fizzled out. She stared directly forward, a perturbed expression upon her face.

"Yang?" Harley asked, suddenly worried. "You okay, sweetie?"

"I…" Yang shook her head. "I just got this feeling like…like something bad happened. I dunno, I can't really explain it. It's like my Aura lit up and then fizzled out, like…" She brought a hand up to rub her face. "Like someone was trying to reach out to me, but they got…stopped." Her eyes shut. "And now I just feel…off. Sad for no reason."

"That could mean anything, since this is a dream," Velvet told her.

"No," Yang replied. "I just can't shake this feeling that I…lost something. Something important."

Harley gently laced her fingers through Yang's. "C'mon," she said softly. "I think we need to get you to that inn."

"Yeah," Yang muttered. "That…that's probably a good idea."

"Come find us when you're ready," Velvet urged, and she and Giovanni turned away to seek the sights of Taliesin.

Harley led Yang by the hand in the direction of the inn. Yang still felt troubled, and the fact that she didn't know why compounded it into even more troubling feelings. There was a pit in her stomach, a half-grief.

"Since you ain't feelin' so hot," Harley urged, "I'm gonna let ya call the shots on this one. We go as far as you want. If you just wanna sleep, then we sleep. Or, y'know, we could mess around a little more – "

"Harley?" Yang ventured. "I actually wouldn't mind a…pretty big distraction." She managed a smile. "After all, my robot hand doesn't have fingernails, if you get my meaning."

"Ohhhhhh!" Harley's eyes widened. "You're ready for the home run, huh?"

"Why not?" Yang asked. "We're basically at that point, so…yeah."

"Sweetie, I'm gonna give you the hotel stay of your life!" Harley proclaimed with a wide smile.

They checked into the inn, requesting a one-bed room. It was a small, cozy quarter, with candles set in the alcoves in the stone walls.

"They sure know how to set the mood here," Yang said with a grin, regarding the flickering flames.

"So, how do you wanna start?" Harley asked. "Oh, and I should say that if you gotta stop at any time, you just say so and I'll cut it right out. One 'no' is all it takes."

"I'll remember that," Yang said. Then she blushed; "So I…um…I haven't really done this before?"

"You haven't? With a gal, or ever?"

"Back when I thought I was straight, I tried messing around with a guy once," Yang admitted. "I freaked out and kicked him out before any pants could come off. So…ever."

"And I get to be your first!" Harley brightened. Then that smile dimmed; "I, uh…well…this ain't my first time. By a long shot."

"Then at least one of us knows what she's doing." Yang smiled.

"First, we should decide how to handle the clothes thing," Harley suggested. "You wanna try strippin' me down, or no?"

"I…" Yang considered it. "I don't know. Maybe give me a head start. But you…you can take as much off me as you want."

"Then I'll start from scratch. How about that?"

With the metallic sound of a zipper, Harley's suit and hat were discarded in the corner, leaving her standing in the middle of the room in a set of pink lacy lingerie. Her blonde hair cascaded down over her shoulders. "Sit down," she urged Yang. "I got some ideas for ya."

"Okay." Yang settled herself on the edge of the mattress awkwardly. "Hit me."

"Nah, we ain't up to the rough stuff yet."

Harley sat down beside Yang, looking deeply into her periwinkle eyes, the softest of expressions upon her face. First, she reached up to brush back Yang's long blonde mane. Then, slowly, gently, leaned forward to kiss her on the mouth.

Yang accepted it, so Harley went off the beaten path: making a soft trail of kisses up Yang's cheek, over a brow, onto her forehead. Harley's hands stroked through Yang's hair thrice more before dropping to undo the brown jacket, peeling away the top layer, making sure to get a good feel of the softness of the chest beneath as she did so. And then her lips made their way to Yang's neck.

Yang's own hands shot out, lightly gripping Harley on the shoulders – she took care not to squeeze too hard with the metal one. Then they ran down Harley's back, over her shoulder blades, the flesh hand feeling every ridge.

It was already so good. Yang recalled Harley's words: that one "no" would be all it took to stop. Already, Yang couldn't imagine halting this – her whole body was starting to signal that this should go as far as it could.

So the word she said was "Yes." Then again: "Yes, YES – "

Her shirt was next to hit the floor. She lay back, Harley guiding her to the mattress. And they began one long, blissful distraction.

...

On the floor of a spacious living room, a small baby was playing with blocks, letters of the alphabet scattered around him. One of his mothers, a blonde woman in a red tank top and a tan vest, sat beside him, arranging them into words.

"Can you spell 'Jaune'?" Saphron Cotta-Arc encouraged her son Adrian. "Here!" She set out the required letters. "J-A-U – "

Adrian scrambled them slightly. Saphron laughed; "No, sweetie, that says 'Juane.'" She rearranged them properly. "There! That's the name of your uncle Jaune who's coming to visit!"

"Saphron." The other parent, a bespectacled woman with short, dark hair and a comfy blue cardigan, sighed. "It's not a vacation. We'll have to get his friend into the ICU as soon as they arrive."

Saphron rolled her eyes. "Do you have to be a killjoy, Terra? My baby brother's coming to visit, and regardless of circumstances, he and his girlfriend are spending the night! We can't be all doom and gloom. I think we should make a day out of it. Go out to a nice café for dinner, we'll pick up the tab – "

"His friend will probably need surgery."

"So we'll bring him a doggy bag!"

Despite herself, Terra Cotta smiled. "Saphron…okay. I cave. We'll look on the bright side."

A gentle chime from the front door. Saphron leapt to her feet; "That's him!" She bolted for the door. Behind her, Terra gently bent to scoop up Adrian, holding him on her hip as she followed.

Saphron threw open the door, and there he was: Jaune Arc, the goofball of a brother she remembered and loved. He put up a hand and waved; "Uh…hi, Saphron. Sorry for the short notice, but – "

She threw her arms around him. "You got TALLER!" Saphron squealed. "Pretty soon, people won't be able to tell I'm the older one!"

Jaune hugged her in return. "Yeah, well, maybe that's not such a bad thing from where I'm standing."

Terra nodded. "It's good to see you, Jaune." She then looked to the other person standing beside him in the door frame; "And you're…Kairi, is it?"

"Yes," Kairi replied with a smile. "It's nice to meet you. You're Terra, right?"

"That's me," Terra replied.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, it's the GIRLFRIEND!" Saphron let go of Jaune suddenly to fawn over Kairi. "Okay, tell me the truth: how did a dork like Jaune manage to actually get more than one date?"

Kairi found herself giggling. "With a lot of luck."

"Heyyyyy!" Jaune whined.

"Just so you know," Saphron stated, "as Jaune's sister, I'm legally obligated to make you suffer if you hurt him."

"I would never," Kairi promised. "But I'll hold you to that anyway!"

"I like her," Terra said with a smile. "But I also remember you had a third person with you. Someone in critical condition."

Kairi and Jaune's smiles faded. "Yeah," Jaune said softly. "He's…right here."

They stepped to either side, revealing the ice capsule with Kazuichi inside.

"Smart," Saphron said. "Keeping him in an ice Dust shell until you could get him medical attention."

"I've got a cab on the way," Terra explained. "We'll check him into the ICU, and then Saphron thought that since you're here, we might as well enjoy the visit. We'll treat you two to a nice dinner."

"And then you can tell us more about what you've been up to and how you two met!" Saphron cried with glee.

"More importantly," Terra said, "you can tell us how this happened, and the current state of Haven."

Jaune hung his head. "Not good."

"Hey," Saphron said softly. "If I know you, then I know you did everything you possibly could to help. Don't kick yourself."

"We both did everything we could," Kairi said. "But everything we could…wasn't enough."

After a silence, Terra said, "You're right, Saph. They really do need a night out."

...

While Harley and Yang worked to get Yang's mind off things, Giovanni followed Velvet on a very specific mission. One she would not tell him the nature of until they'd reached their destination.

"Two," she demanded, putting down money on the counter of the shop.

Moments later, she and Giovanni both left that shop with steaming quiches in their hands, finding a place to sit down and eat them.

"I thought you couldn't taste things anymore," Giovanni reminded her, sticking a fork into the quiche he held cradled on his lap.

"I can't," Velvet told him. "But I can still smell it. And it has a significance to me that goes beyond anything sensory." She leaned down, taking a big whiff of cheese and egg baked together beneath a flaky crust. She dug her own fork in, spooning the food into her mouth. The texture seemed correct, but she still would have to ask: "How does it taste?"

"Eh, not bad," Giovanni remarked, chewing a bite. "Consistency's good, but it's kinda…bland."

"Hm." Velvet smiled softly. "I should've known. They taste better coming from Aball. I shouldn't brag, but I have the best quiche recipe there is."

"You SO owe me that," Giovanni told her.

"What?" Velvet teased. "Your infinite knowledge of soup doesn't translate to quiche?"

"Oh, I can make a decent quiche, all right," Giovanni replied. "But in any non-soup area, I must admit when I am outmatched and learn from the master." He took another bite, then, without even swallowing it, said, "So is that why this stuff's so important to you? Because you ate it at home all the time?"

"That's the long and short of it," Velvet said. "I used to share my quiche recipe with Laphi, Arthur, Celica, and Niko."

"That's Innominat, the evil brother, the sister with the same name as Solar Flare's guns, and the girl you had a crush on, right?"

"Right." Velvet nodded. "Though here in the dream world, I have a little more control. Arthur isn't the same person as Artorius. He's the person I wanted him to be, instead. The person Celica knew. Celica is still alive here. So is her son – the one who I named 'Laphicet' in my world, after the brother you know. Here, he goes by a different name. 'Maotelus.' I'm…not sure where it came from, since it's not a name I know, but I won't question it."

"So basically, here in the dream, your home life is perfect, right?"

"Yes."

"You come back here all the time for these quiches, then."

"…No." Velvet set down her fork. "I don't."

"Well, why not?"

"When I was truly asleep," Velvet explained, "there was always this feeling inside of me. A pull to leave home. I thought it was my desire to see the world with Laphi. But now that I'm awoken…I understand what it always was."

Giovanni didn't miss when her hand curled into a fist.

"It's better for me to keep moving," Velvet said sternly. "It's just…better."

"Why?" Giovanni asked.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"You sure? 'Cause it looks like it's kinda…eating at you." He stirred at his quiche without taking another bite. "I mean, I can't make you talk. But it might make things better if you share your problems with a friend."

Velvet huffed. "If you're going to keep bothering me, then I'll tell you. It's because deep down…I knew it wasn't real. I knew that in the waking world I'd come from, Arthur had betrayed us, and Celica was dead, and I had to fight Laphi into a stalemate before either of us could find happiness without threatening our world. My true existence was pain and suffering for years and years. Now I have a place that's everything I ever wanted, free of any of that agony…and yet…knowing it isn't real makes me feel such envy. The life I have here is the life I should've had out there." Her hand was shaking now. "And every moment I spend in this copy of Aball reminds me how much was taken from me while everyone else was having a normal life!"

"Okay, so maybe I'm way off base here," Giovanni ventured, "but…if you hadn't gone through all that, you wouldn't have all your best friends and your two girlfriends, right? So…isn't there something good about all this?"

"That's the worst part," Velvet told him. "There is. I know there is, and it goes even beyond the friendships and relationships I've made or the places I've seen. If I hadn't left Aball, I would never have opened my perspective to the truth of the world. To the nature of humanity, and how flawed we all are. I would have been living a lie even in the real world. They never would have approved of me and Niko. I wouldn't have approved of me and Niko. It was such a small place, divorced from the larger world and all it could teach. I didn't know anything of pirates or corrupt exorcists or poverty or luxury or royalty or underground crime – I didn't know ANYTHING. The life I have now should be one I'm thankful for. But every day…every damn day, I think of it at least once, that I'd trade all the knowledge I have just to have been happy instead of spending three years IN A DAMN PRISON CELL!"

Her breathing was ragged, now. Giovanni was slightly taken aback, but he realized he'd invited this by encouraging her to speak. He thought hard about his next statement, and finally told her, "That's actually really valid. Even if it isn't right. But we're not the good guys, remember? We can want what we want. And, well, you've been hurt a lot. The good news is you don't have to decide to give any of that stuff up, since, well, you can't go back in time. So you can just…enjoy what you have. But if you're mad…I get why. And I don't blame you if you just wanna…be mad."

Velvet pondered his words. "Maybe I wouldn't really trade it away," she muttered.

"It's okay if you're grieving," Giovanni assured her. "You've seen some shit."

"I have."

A silence. Velvet then withdrew an item from her pocket. "It mocks me, now. This isn't even real."

The object in her hand was an ornamental comb. "It was a gift from Laphi," she explained. "Before everything happened. When we were happier. I kept it with me, even after I found out how he'd betrayed me. It was with me until the bitter end. As long as I've been in the dream, I've carried it. Maybe because deep down, I remembered. But the truth is that the real comb is most likely broken into pieces, scattered over the Empyrean's Throne, if that building is even still standing. This is something my imagination created to hold onto in this dream. It's only a memory."

"Okay, wait," Giovanni said. "That one, I don't get. Everything else, I get. But that's from Innominat? You still have him. The real one. He's right here in this dream and he's best friends with Bear Trap now. Why does it matter that the comb isn't real?"

She couldn't answer. Her grip tightened.

"You…want things to go back to before he got god powers, don't you?"

"I do," Velvet said shakily. "Is that…wrong? Am I not accepting him for who he is?"

"Hurting Hand, we don't do right and wrong!" Giovanni reassured her. "I'm thinking more like…if you keep wishing he was different, then that just makes you sad. And it sounds like he's better than he was. He's been on this journey with you the whole time! He's your most faithful right-hand minion! I'm not saying that has to make you happy, but I think maybe it could help, if you were open to it."

"How do you seem like such an idiot," Velvet asked, "and then say things that are so smart?"

"It's a gift."

Velvet weighed the comb in her hand. Looked out to the waters off the coast. Then transformed her hand, making it the great red claw of the therion, the comb comically small in its palm.

"My rock-skipping record is thirteen," Giovanni told her. "As it should be. Let's see if you can make that thing go fourteen."

With a yell, Velvet hurled the comb across the square. The throw was true, and it would have kept on going, over the edge and down into the harbor to start skipping on the surface. If not for the skinny blond man who suddenly sprinted into the center of the square in time for the comb to plunge hard into his body.

Giovanni screeched. "I THINK YOU JUST KILLED A GUY!"

Velvet gasped, wincing.

Except that the man was most definitely not dead. He stopped in his tracks, pulling the comb out of where it had landed in his side hilt-deep. It left no wound, no blood. His flesh and clothing simply rippled like some sort of goo, covering the impact point as though nothing had ever happened.

"Sweet!" the man proclaimed, holding the comb aloft. "Free comb!"

A sudden voice from behind him in the square: "YOU! STOP!"

"Oh, right!" the man realized. "I'm being chased by the cops." Then, with a shriek, he took off running. Not long after came several men in uniform – maybe not police, but a more medieval equivalent.

Giovanni and Velvet immediately looked to one another.

"He could be one of ours," Velvet said.

"And if he isn't," Giovanni replied, "he totally fits our brand, and we should see if we can recruit him!"

They were up on their feet in a flash, the quiches abandoned. The chase began; they quickly outpaced the lawfuls and followed the man into a back alley.

Where it seemed that he had completely disappeared. The only evidence that he had ever gone that way was a mysterious purple puddle. Giovanni moved forth to nudge the puddle with the tip of his toe; it was viscous, like honey.

There was a flash overhead. Giovanni and Velvet's heads snapped upward; there, they saw an immense winged creature, the same purple as the puddle and dripping more of the sticky goo, flying up to the higher levels of Taliesin.

"That daemon…ate him?" Velvet wondered aloud.

From the creature came a voice: "SO LONG, LOSERS!" Because he'd turned to make the taunt, he wasn't watching where he was going, and smacked right into a wall – losing form immediately and becoming a great purple splotch. After which came a high-pitched hiss of "Darn iiiiiit!"

"No, I'm pretty sure that daemon IS him," Giovanni remarked.

On jets of soupy steam and with the strength of a therion claw, the two of them rapidly advanced the rooftops until they landed near where the purple creature had splattered. As they landed beside him, he peeled himself away, dropping onto the rooftop beside them as an amorphous blob before straightening up into a humanoid figure.

"Okay, okay!" He put up what passed for hands. "If I give the stuff back, can you let me off with a warning?"

"Hey, hey!" Giovanni said quickly. "Calm down. It's okay! We're the bad guys, like you!"

"We're not here to arrest you," Velvet told the gooey man. "We're here to see if maybe you're someone we want to team up with."

"Team up with?" The man seemed taken aback. "With me? Are you serious? If I didn't already know I was dreaming before, I would now."

"Okay, so the Goth girl threw you into the vortex?" Giovanni urged. "And that's how you got here?"

"I thought I was just asleep," the purple man said. "And that the whole vortex thing was part of the dream. So wait. You're telling me that the people who I dreamed about getting thrown in here with me are ACTUALLY here? This is one of those SFIT things, isn't it?"

"Um, is that related to Epithets?" Giovanni asked. "Because if yes, then yes."

"You know, SFIT," the man clarified. "The San Fransokyo Technological Institute. I have friends who go there! It seems like every week there's some new science threat either coming from there or being stopped by people there, and portals are kind of a recurring thing."

"There might be a disconnect because we come from different worlds," Velvet explained. "My friend comes from somewhere else you can reach by portal, and my world is here, in this dream."

"Different worlds?" The man's face lit up. Quite literally; his green eyes, which seemed to be lights buried in his goo, shone brighter. "This is gonna blow everyone's mind back home!"

"So, you're a villain type there?" Giovanni prompted.

"Well, technically, I'm supposed to be reformed," the man said.

"Reformed?" Giovanni winced dramatically. "RRRREFOOOOOOORMED? Don't you EVER use a word like that in front of me again, mister!"

"I said technically," the man reminded him. "I'm not in the, you know, destroy-the-city business anymore. That was kind of a…yeah, that was just a bunch of mistakes. But if it weren't for my new reputation as one of the good guys…I miss stealing things. I really, REALLY miss it. And my boyfriend technically isn't reformed, so I kind of just live things out through him." He paused. "I should probably track him down and tell him that the portal WAS real and also he's not a character in my dream."

"There are a lot of people who came here from other worlds and are like us," Velvet explained. "Not afraid to get our hands dirty…but not as bad as it gets. We have a line in the sand. And that line depends on how many people get hurt in the line of getting what we want."

"That sounds pretty nice, actually," the purple man admitted.

"And if it's a selling point," Giovanni reminded him, "people don't know you're supposed to be reformed on other woooo-oooorlds."

"You know what?" the purple man said with a bright grin. "I'm in!" He paused. "Well, okay, I'll still have to ask my boyfriend, because I'm not gonna abandon him, but I'm pretty sure he'll be in too."

Giovanni put out his right hand; "I'm Giovanni Potage. Captain of a squad of ne'er-do-wells with a quite impressive résumé. But I'm actually not the one in charge. It's kind of a crime wives duo. They're having alone time right now."

"My name is Velvet Crowe." Velvet nodded. "And you?"

"I'm Globby!" the purple man said cheerfully.

After a pause, Velvet said, "…We can see that."

"It's a little on-the-nose," Giovanni noted, "but that's a good thing for villain names. You got a civilian name or…?"

"I mean, if you have to use one, 'Dibs' works," Globby said. "Mostly I just go by Globby now, though. Other than that…please don't ask."

"Gotcha!" Giovanni saluted. "Also, 'Dibs'? I like that. Also on-the-nose, but in a charming way."

"That was my name when I looked more like this." Globby's entire surface rippled. Then, all at once, he changed size and shape and color. Standing before Giovanni and Velvet was the slender blond that they'd thrown a comb into. "Before the mutation that turned me into a disgusting monster, of course."

"So that's how you didn't die from being impaled by my comb," Velvet noted.

"Oh! Right!" Globby realized. "Since we're friends now, you can have this back." There was a ripple, and the comb pushed its way out of his chest, sticking out like he'd been stabbed in the heart with it.

"Keep it," Velvet told him. "I don't need it. I have something else that's more real."

"So you said you had a boyfriend around here?" Giovanni recalled. "A boyfriend who's also into crime?"

"Yeah!" Globby nodded, shoving the comb back inside his own goo. "He's counting cards on a poker ring right now. Poker kinda bores me, so we agreed I could go sightseeing in the town while he racked up some money. Also our cat's here. I'll introduce you and see what he thinks of joining up!"

Globby began to lead the way, seemingly confident in where he was going. After he'd taken Velvet and Giovanni in a large circle and recognized the gables and stairs as ones he'd passed already, he admitted, "So I…heheh…I might be lost."

"What building are you looking for?" Velvet asked.

"It's a bar," Globby explained. "It's got a big warm fireplace, and stairs going up, and it's kinda on a balcony thing – "

"It's this way." Velvet turned down a side street, now in charge.

She took Giovanni and Globby to a narrow road that was indeed on the edge of a dropoff; just before a dead-end rock wall was the door that Velvet pushed aside. The interior of the building was a warm brown, the fire that Globby had mentioned crackling away in a spacious fireplace across the room to fill it with a cozy heat.

A small, fluffy white cat was curled up in front of the fireplace, and at that time, Giovanni and Velvet didn't think much of it, since there were cats everywhere in Taliesin. Their attention was on the round table where several rough-looking types sat around a pile of metal coins, glaring intensely at the cards in their hands.

A man with an eyepatch put more coins into the pot. In response, the largest and most frightening-looking man at the table said simply, "I think you're bluffing."

"Think that at your own risk," the patched man said. "Hands out."

The cards were all laid out. Clearly, the best hand belonged to the largest of the group.

"You cheated!" someone accused as the winner began to scoop the coins into a bag.

"Whether or not I cheated should hardly be relevant among cheaters," the man said. "As it stands, you have no proof of what I did or didn't do that may have been against the rules."

"Dammit, he's right!" another at the table realized.

The winner drew the string on the bag, slinging it over his shoulder. Then, seeing who had entered, he got up from the table, walking over to the newcomers. With a greeting of "Hey, Globs," he slung a meaty arm around Globby, leaning down to peck him on the cheek – which left a little bit of goo, fading to purple, on his upper lip.

"TH – THAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?" Giovanni sputtered. The man looked like he could kill someone with his bare hands if he so desired: tall, wide, dark hair tied back in a red bandanna, sporting a black leather vest modded with patches and pouches. "Dude, you fuckin' WON!"

"Please." Globby's significant other gestured to himself with the arm not currently around Globby. "A relationship is not built on the idea of wins or losses, but instead mutual trust."

"That's right," Globby said, leaning over onto the other. "Felony Carl here is my best friend, and was before we started dating, too. I've known him ever since he was Misdemeanor Carl."

"That's two for two on the villain names," Giovanni pointed out. "Geez, you're doing all the work for me."

"So, uh, Carl," Globby ventured. "As it turns out, the, uh, the vortex was real, and neither of us is asleep, and no, it's not an SFIT thing. It's some kind of…world-travel magic."

"Unexpected," Carl stated, "and yet it explains a lot. I presume that Malvavisco is also a real physical entity in that case."

"Malvawhatnow?" Giovanni asked.

"She's our cat!" Globby exclaimed proudly. He leaned back, looking over between himself and Carl to where the white cat was asleep by the fire. "Malva! Baby! Pspspsps! Good kitty!"

Malva's head shot up; she looked around before locating the voice of her owner. Gradually she uncurled with a yawn, padding over to her cat-parents.

"HITCHOO!" Velvet sneezed suddenly. She dabbed at her eyes; "Damn. I guess even in dreams, I'm still allergic."

"Oh no!" Globby cried. "Hang on – here – " He put out a hand.

"It's fine," Velvet muttered. "It's not like I haven't walked around Katz Korner a hundred times and put up with it. It's just a little irritation in – what?"

Globby had manifested a pill in the palm of his hand. "Antihistamine," he explained. "See, the way I'm mutated, I can turn myself into pretty much any other chemical. That includes chocolate!"

Giovanni gasped. "It wouldn't happen to include…SOUP, would it?"

"I don't see why not," Globby said.

"I feel like I should be mad that you can totally do my Epithet but better," Giovanni said. "But right now, I'm just excited to know someone with the SAME SOUP-ERPOWER!"

"You're implying that you can create soup out of thin air," Carl said.

"You bet, baby!" Giovanni held out a hand, palm open. An orb of steaming red liquid formed above it, hovering in the air.

"Awesome!" Globby said as he put up his other hand, fashioning it into a cup and detaching it from himself. "Use this! Then Velvet has something to wash it down."

"Are you sure it's okay for me to eat something that comes from his body?" Velvet hissed.

"Oh, like your hand is normal," Giovanni spat, using the Globby-cup to catch his soup.

Velvet took the pill anyway, washing it down with the cup of soup. She then handed the cup back to Globby; "I'm guessing you'll need this back."

"Actually, I can regenerate!" Globby told her. "Believe me, if I couldn't…well, I would be scattered all over San Fransokyo by now."

Velvet blinked. "The cat's bothering me less now. Your pill worked. I suppose you have my gratitude. At any rate, we still need to address the question."

"Oh, right!" Globby realized. He turned to look up at Carl; "So these guys are putting together a crime ring, but with standards. They can travel to other worlds! I thought maybe it would be a good idea for you and me to get back in the game, you know, without stepping on Big Hero 6's toes."

"That would solve that particular conflict of interest," Carl mused. "Of course, it hinges upon if your intentions with us are actually upfront."

"All we want is a squad of evil friends," Giovanni said with a shrug. "But if you wanna do a bonding mission to prove we're legit, I am SO up for a bonding mission. Any good crime that needs to be done around here?"

"As a matter of fact," Carl said, "as I was cheating the poker ring out of their reward pot, I came into possession of some very unsettling news. Apparently, in this city, alongside humans there lives a race of supernatural entities comparable to angelic beings. They take the form of cats."

"The Katz," Velvet said with a nod.

"You said that like it's spelled with a K and a Z," Giovanni noted. "Please, PLEASE tell me it's spelled with a K and a Z."

Velvet nodded as Carl went on: "These Katz, they are a subgroup of these angelic beings who can, in certain circumstances, be tied to a human in partnership. As the Katz are regarded as the least powerful and most easily controlled, there has arisen a Katz trafficking ring in this city. Katz are taken from their hometown and forcibly bonded to a human, who will then act as the Katz' owner and master, dictating their every move. It is a horrible practice, and I am sickened even hearing about it."

"Well, then, we gotta put a stop to it!" Globby decided.

"My thoughts exactly," Carl said.

"Then we have our mission!" Giovanni declared. "Wait. Stopping a slave trade is still…evil, right? It sounds kinda heroic."

"Many schools of thought would argue that vigilanteism in and of itself is immoral," Carl said.

"All right!" Giovanni declared. "Then let's go stop a slave trade, IMMORALLY!"

...

Night had fallen on Argus. Kazuichi had been checked into the ICU of the Argus General Hospital, and the doctors had assured that patching up his wound would be a simple task, since he'd been kept in stasis. It would just take some time.

Jaune, Kairi, Saphron, Terra, and Adrian had gone out to a nice dinner, shared a few laughs despite the heavy circumstances. By the end of it, Argus General hadn't called Terra back, so the couples decided to split up; Saphron and Terra needed to stock up on some supplies to keep two, possibly three guests, and Jaune thought it time to ask Kairi to go on a walk with him.

The lack of sunlight dropped the temperature in the already snowy town. "I, uh…" Jaune said nervously. "I know it's no garden."

Kairi exhaled, watching her breath spiral up into the air as a fine white mist. She looked around at the sloping streets, the old-fashioned architecture on the tall, skinny buildings. "I think it's a beautiful town," she said quite earnestly.

Hand in hand, they continued down the sidewalk, going nowhere in particular. Then Jaune cleared his throat; "Kairi. We need to talk about what happened at Haven."

"I had a feeling," Kairi responded. "Don't worry. I'm going to be thinking long and hard about any more duties I pick up after this."

"It's not like that," Jaune told her. "Obviously we want you to be safe, but – "

He stopped in his tracks. A familiar silhouette in his peripheral. But it couldn't possibly be.

Slowly he turned, looking down the central path into a small park. There, in the center, stood Pyrrha Nikos. Not the flesh-and-blood person, but a statue, carved in her image, standing at attention with her shield held over her knees. Before it stood a short woman, her crimson hair brilliant in the dark.

"It's.." Jaune gasped. "It's Pyrrha."

Kairi's head whipped so she could look. "Oh my gosh – Jaune, we should visit her."

"Yeah."

Together, they entered the park, walking up slowly to where the woman in her brown coat was laying a bouquet of red lilies at the statue's base, near the plaque that proclaimed the "In honor of Pyrrha Nikos: one of the many students who fought valiantly at the fall of Beacon."

"She looks…just like I remember," Jaune said softly.

The woman turned to regard him. "You knew her?" It was clear what her connection was. Her hair was as red as Pyrrha's, her eyes as green. A Nikos.

"She was a friend," Jaune explained. "Why here?"

"She trained here," the woman said with a smile. "At Sanctum Academy. She turned heads by choosing Vale over Haven. From what I know, though, she made wonderful friends at Vale."

The gratitude shone through her eyes as she looked to Jaune.

"I wish she was here with us," Kairi said, looking up at the statue.

"Me too," Jaune said, and he and Kairi both knew it was nothing to do with their bond to one another. To both of them, regardless of who had loved whom in the past, Pyrrha had deserved to live.

"Here's what I'll say," the Nikos woman replied. "I know Pyrrha was happy with her choice, because she understood that as a Huntress, there was no choice. And a Huntress is what she always wanted to be."

"She may not have gotten the chance to graduate," Jaune assured, "but she was a true Huntress."

For the first time, the Nikos woman looked as though she would give in to grief and cry. "Thank you," she said. "Since you were her friends, I suppose you should have some time alone with her. I know she's grateful for the visit."

With that, she turned and walked away, leaving Jaune and Kairi alone with the statue of Pyrrha.

"I wish I could've known her," Kairi said as she looked up into Pyrrha's stone eyes.

"She would've loved you," Jaune replied. "You know…I told you how Pyrrha gave me special training once she found out I faked my way into Beacon, right?"

"I remember," Kairi said.

"I was so hesitant to accept her help," Jaune went on. "I thought that if I couldn't make it on my own, then I was, well, useless. Even before she taught me, Pyrrha looked at me and she never saw uselessness. She saw a friend. Someone who had potential and skill already. Someone with a good heart. I know it sounds like I'm talking myself up, but I always asked myself how she could look at someone like me and see all that. Until recently. I guess that must've been in me the whole time, and I was just too wrapped up in my own insecurity to see what was there. I know that because that's what I see in you. You're not useless, Kairi. Maybe you could still learn more, and maybe you need some more help, but you've done so much for us and I know you can do even more if you want to. But more importantly, it's not even about what you do. You being here, you make so many of us happy. You're a good person, and…well…listen. I'd trade anything to have Pyrrha back in our lives. But even in a world where she never died, I hope that somehow, I would've still ended up with you. I know she'd cheer us on. Like I said, she'd've loved you."

"I wouldn't want to steal you from her," Kairi said softly.

"Then we'd've found her someone else," Jaune assured. "Set her up on a date. And they'd love each other, and – this timeline isn't even real, so it's not a big deal. But please. Pyrrha spent so long trying to get me to realize that I was so much better than how I saw myself. I know it might take a long time for you, too. But I want to help you see it. You are WONDERFUL."

"I almost died at Haven."

"And that scares me so much, Kairi. But you remember what happened after that, right? Your spell gave us the edge so we could focus on Kazuichi."

"I barely even felt in control when that happened," Kairi admitted.

"It still came from you," Jaune reminded her. "I think…it makes sense. Because you care about your friends, and you'd do so much for them. When you saw that Kazuichi was hurt…that part of you shone brighter."

"Jaune?" Kairi asked softly. "That woman said…that Pyrrha had no choice. That she had to give her life that day. Is that what has to happen to me? I know I should be ready to give myself up, but…selfish as it is, I don't want to."

"Pyrrha's path isn't your path," Jaune told her. "If you'll let me be selfish, I don't want you to end up like her. But I also don't think you'll be in danger every time you venture out. And if you are…that's why a princess needs a knight, right? I'll be there. I'll keep you safe. Just…don't push me into a locker when I'm trying."

Kairi felt her eyes watering. She turned to look up into Jaune's own eyes; "Thank you."

"I love you." Jaune slid his hands up to cup her face, leaning forth to press a kiss to her forehead.

"Love you too," Kairi said before his lips moved to her own.

"THERE you are!" Saphron's call got their attention; they jerked away from one another, looking to where she stood in the entry to the park. Adrian was in her arms, and Terra beside them both.

"We got the call," Terra explained. "They were able to stitch him up without any complications, and he's doing just fine. He just came out from anesthesia, and he's healthy. Also, he had some choice four-letter words about how cold he was when he woke up."

"That's our Kazuichi," Kairi chuckled.

"Depending on how things go in the next hour or so, he might be able to come stay the night at our house instead of the hospital." Terra held up a brown bag: leftovers from the restaurant. "Wanna go make a delivery?"

Jaune and Kairi looked to each other, beaming brightly, then took off running toward Saphron, Terra, and Adrian. The stone reconstruction of Pyrrha watched with unmoving eyes, as though glad to see that everything in Argus had turned out all right.

...

In the back streets of Taliesin, there was a firm knock on a locked door, in a building otherwise made out to look abandoned. A voice hissed: "Password?"

"Pajamaz," Felony Carl said.

The door creaked open. A hunched man looked at the quartet in front of him. Giovanni, Velvet, and Carl had taken the opportunity to pick up new clothes for the sake of disguises, wearing tunics and slacks. Globby had just shifted into a new form, looking like a different person entirely than either his monster form or his human shape.

"Payment upfront," the administrator for the back-alley operation hissed.

"You're…not going to ask who I am?" Globby replied.

"Best we keep this…anonymous," the administrator said.

"Well, that's not fair." Globby pouted. "I have a whole entire backstory I can tell you."

"Yeah," Giovanni added, "and I put work into helping wr – "

Velvet elbowed him hard enough to make him scream.

"…remember all the events of his very real backstory," Giovanni finished.

"We got payment right here." Carl handed over the bag full of his poker winnings. "Our buddy here wants a Katz. And make it an obedient one."

He always did have a talent for keeping a straight face and an intimidating façade, even when saying things that disgusted him on the inside.

"Follow me." The hunched man turned to walk inside. "Oh, and I'll warn you…the tethering operation can be a little…painful."

Through the dark building, he led the quartet. Not noticing that Giovanni had drawn his Soul-Slugger Doom bat, Velvet had extended her blade, and Globby had transfigured one of his arms into a sharpened spike. As for Carl, he was prepared to get his hands dirty in the literal sense.

The administrator placed a hand on a doorknob at the very rear of the building, giving the door a slow, dramatic creak open. "Just step inside," he said, "and my crew will give you what you paid for."

A bat, a sword, and a spike were raised high in the air, ready to do some stunning now that the whole crew was in the same area.

But the administrator flinched and gave a yelp of "WHAT?" that caused the others to quickly lower and stow away their weapons.

The rounded, dark chamber beyond, with only a few candles in strategic locations to illuminate the operating table, was filled with the rest of the crew, all right. Knocked out and sprawled across the floor. In between them was a slew of empty steel cages, their doors swinging wide.

"THE KATZ!" the administrator cried. "WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KATZ?"

"Uh, hello?" Giovanni corrected. "What happened to YOUR BOYS? Geez, your priorities are in the wrong order."

One of the surgeons stirred. "Ungh…"

The administrator rushed to him, pulling him up by the shirt collar. "WHAT HAPPENED? WHERE ARE THEY?"

The surgeon looked around blearily. "I dunno," he muttered. "The nurse showed up, and then next thing I knew, everything was black. Somebody musta…let the Katz out…"

"Nurse?" the administrator yelled. "WHAT NURSE?"

"She said you sent her," the surgeon said hoarsely. "To help with the procedure. What was her name…she was wearing blue, and that hair…damn, she was gorgeous…"

"I never ordered a NURSE," the administrator growled. "Whoever she was, she infiltrated our operation to free all the Katz! How could you be so STUPID?"

"But she was totally a nurse," the surgeon coughed. "It said so on her pin, so we didn't have any reason to doubt her!"

Velvet leaned in to whisper to her cohorts: "It looks like another vigilante beat us to the punch."

"God dammit!" Giovanni hissed. "This was supposed to be our totally evil liberation of an oppressed people!"

"I should say not to look the gift horse in the mouth," Carl suggested.

"You're missing the point," Velvet hissed. "That might mean ANOTHER ONE OF US in this city, if she had the same idea."

"How can we track her down?" Globby asked. "We really have nothing to go on here – "

"LUCAFONT!" the surgeon yelled. "That was her name! O. Lucafont!"

"Why does that name sound familiar?" Giovanni muttered. Then it hit him. "HOLY – uhhh, sorry for your loss, guys. No need for a refund. We'll just keep this on the down-low, okay? Anyway, we've got ANOTHER illegal operation booked on the other side of town, so we gotta get going!"

He bolted.

"HEY!" Velvet yelled. "You need to EXPLAIN THINGS!" She took off after him. Globby and Carl followed.

Giovanni waited in the street outside, far out of earshot from the Katz traders. "I know where I've heard that name before!" he cried. "It was in one of, like, the billion stories that Once-ler was telling us on the way back from the one farm town!"

"So?" Velvet asked. "Who is it?"

"Well, for one," Giovanni noted, "we've been using the wrong pronouns for them."

...

While Mozenrath, Tala, Shego, and Dr. Octopus scouted the alternate reality, that left Discord, Draco, Megavolt, Zeron Alpha, and Morvok on the Vicious to guard the portal between existences. It didn't take long for that particular task to get boring.

And as ever, when Discord got bored, things tended to go wrong.

He'd managed to rope the others into a sport of his creation called "Discordball" and set up a field for it on the deck of the Vicious, complete with goal hoops, overlarge pinball flippers, and four equidistant bases. Anyone who had previously thought Discordball sounded fun at first ate their words by the third round of the fifth quarter (out of six and a half).

Since Megavolt had trouble balancing the ball on his head, Draco was easily able to steal it from him, dribbling it double-handed all the way up to the hoop. He leapt, throwing the ball so that it bounced off the backboard, then hit the floor, then bounced all the way back up into the hoop.

"Negative five points!" Discord yelled.

"NEGATIVE?" Draco snapped. "That should've scored eleven and pi!"

"Points were docked because you used hoop number three," Discord informed Draco. "You're supposed to dribble with ONLY your non-dominant hand into hoop number three."

"That's only for half-court shots!" Draco argued.

"You're thinking of hoop number five," Discord replied.

"I swear you're changing these rules on us," Draco muttered.

"AHEM," Discord reminded him. "I believe Morvok isn't allowed to leave third base until you serve."

With a roll of his eyes, Draco picked up the ball, then batted it at Morvok. His launch didn't clear the volleyball net, however, and said net ended up rubber-banding the ball into Alpha's face.

"I've had enough of this game," Alpha growled.

"You of all people shouldn't be saying that," Discord noted. "You're winning!"

"How can you even TELL?" Alpha seethed.

"We're all sick of this bloody match!" Draco groaned.

"I second that notion," Morvok said. "Please listen to me before Megavolt causes ANOTHER vicarious foul that requires me to do the penalty laps."

"Hey, I only got shown the blue card seven times!" Megavolt argued. "But I agree. This game got real old REAL FAST."

"You're all just a bunch of party poopers," Discord sighed. All the same, he snapped, and the Discordball field winked out of existence.

"No more diversions," Alpha growled.

"But this is so boring!" Megavolt whined.

"There are worse things than getting bored on the job," Alpha insisted.

"Like Discordball," Draco said.

"Or being attacked by an enemy horde," Morvok said.

"Or more specifically, that skull-shaped ship from our first venture into the Etherium showing up to finally claim revenge on us," Discord contributed.

Draco raised a brow. "That was oddly specific."

Discord explained himself by pointing, out at the astral field that led into Daibazaal's ruins.

A silver streak was shooting through the sky like a comet. However, as it grew closer, it became clear that this was no comet. Its silver hull shone, picking up the starlight on the way; its red-eye windshields glistened threateningly. The thrusters had been set to full speed; the Skullship looked downright enraged as it careened toward the Vicious.

"BLOODY HELL!" Draco yelled. "It's been forever! Hasn't he let it go?"

"That's…one of your enemies?" Morvok realized.

"Yeah?" Megavolt replied. "Obviously a pre-Megavolt one."

"Predates me, too." Alpha drew his discs, bracing at the ready. "Which is probably why you weren't able to take care of it the first time."

"No offense," Morvok said, "but I helped out a whole lot during the Lotor battle. I've done my piece, as far as I'm concerned. This is your old grudge, so I'll let you all handle it." His hoverbot immediately blasted him belowdecks of the Vicious.

"COWARD!" Draco yelled after him before drawing his wand.

"So how do we wanna play this?" Megavolt asked as the Skullship loomed.

"Last time, we let them get as far as boarding this very ship," Discord explained. "They immediately got the upper hand. I say this time, we surprise them by taking the initiative."

Megavolt plugged his electric blade into the socket on his chest. "Say when."

With a seething "When," Discord snapped, taking himself, Megavolt, Draco, and Alpha inside the Skullship's jaws.

Row upon row of Watchdogs had been waiting at the ready to disembark. They hadn't expected the enemy to come to them. They flinched en masse, cries going up:

"What do we do?"

"THEM disembark on OUR ship?"

"THEY PLAYED A REVERSE CARD MANEUVER!"

But a gravelly bellow of "QUIIIEEEEET!" hushed them all.

"Wait for it," Discord said. "Let's let him make his grand entrance…"

From the back of the throat of the Skullship, Lord Hater practically strutted, eyes gleaming as he grinned with pointy-toothed smugness. "Well, well," he taunted. "Look who we have here. What are the odds that after all this time, I'd run back into the WHAM ARMY?"

"Oh, please," Discord scoffed. "You tracked us down on purpose."

"No I didn't," Hater said hastily.

"Like you wanted anything out of the ruins of Daibazaal," Discord retorted.

"I don't even know what that is, so stop trying to confuse me!" Hater yelled.

"SIR!" There was a skittering of tiny boots. Commander Peepers burst into the room, almost stumbling as he came to flank Hater. "I am begging you, for the LAST TIME, give it up and do something else! Their leader isn't even here! There's hardly a point!"

"There's totally a point, Peepers," Hater growled. "And that point is THESE GUYS MADE ME LOOK SUPER STUPID!" He pointed an accusing, sharp finger.

"I don't think that would've been a difficult feat, from what I'm seeing," Alpha stated.

"Of course YOU'RE here, too," Discord said with derision.

"Wh – YOU!" Peepers flinched, then pointed to Discord. "I've had about enough of your tricks! In fact, as soon as I realized Lord Hater was going to go full OBSESSION MODE to the point where the rest of us would be pushed past our limits, I took steps to make sure you couldn't ruin it with your overpowered skillset!"

"In other words, you made it a challenge!" Discord burst into laughter. "I do so look forward to seeing if you've ACTUALLY found a way to counter my chaos powers, or if it's all talk! What do you say we settle this?"

"I say – " Peepers began.

Hater broke in: "WELL, I SAY WE DESTRRRROOOOOYYYYY THEM! WATCHDOGS! OPEN FIRE!"

"And exeunt Discord!" Discord went fully incorporeal, a chalky-white ghost, and sank into the floor.

"WHA – DISCORD!" Draco yelled.

"Leave him," Alpha snarled, drawing back his discs. "We won't need him. This is our fight."

The Watchdogs raised their blasters, sending a hail of ammunition at the three lone fighters. With a cry of "PROTEGO!", Draco halted the gunfire in midair; Alpha leapt into the fray, whirling and twirling to send the bodies flying. Megavolt charged soon after, blade swinging and parrying any more stray shots that came his way.

"Greeeaaat," Peepers groaned. "All these casualties we could've avoided by NOT TRACKING THESE PEOPLE DOWN ON PURPOSE!"

"YOU'RE JUST ANGRY BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS OR SOMETHING!" Hater yelled back. "I DUNNO, BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUIN MY REVENGE!"

"You KNOW I have nothing against revenge!" Peepers asserted as the Watchdogs continued to get battered by Draco, Megavolt, and Alpha's assault. "But we could've put so much more time and energy into actually conquering the worlds! Doing something that was fun for BOTH of us! Instead, you dragged me on this goose chase because YOU needed to throw a temper tantrum!"

"DON'T YOU START WITH ME, PEEPERS!"

"SIR, IT HAS BEEN STARTED AND IT IS CONTINUING!"

The body of a Watchdog ragdolling into the wall beside them made Hater and Peepers both flinch. "But not here," Peepers decided. He seized Hater by the sleeve, jerking him along, deeper into the bowels of the ship so they could argue properly.

As an incorporeal being of aether, Discord was able to move freely throughout the Skullship's inner workings. So many wires and circuits, communicating with one another. Some of them looked to be expert pieces of technology; others looked like they'd been clumsily soldered together by the sort of person who insists he can fix the cable television on his own and in reality cannot. That detail already implied something about the two minds in charge of this whole operation. But Discord wasn't here to analyze that. At least not consciously.

No, he was here to see if this ship had a self-destruct mechanism. And here he was, looking at it. It burned like a neutron star, already volatile.

Discord reached out, becoming even more abstract. His very mind felt through the conduits and the motherboards, soaking up the relevant data. Ah, yes, there was a password so that if the self-destruct was triggered in error, it could be shut off. Discord didn't have to ask who'd programmed it to be "Lord Hater, #1 Superstar." It took very little effort for him to change the password with his own magic, reprogramming the entire mechanism. Now, if someone were to, say, trigger the self-destruct mechanism and then get himself and the rest of the WHAM ARMY out through a portal, then the regular password wouldn't be able to stop it. The only way that the crew of the Skullship could avoid certain death was to somehow be able to guess the phrase "narcotics imported from R'lyeh."

All Discord needed to do now was trigger the mechanism. The burning core was hooked to several conduits, leading into what appeared to be a control room, judging by the amount of other energies in rainbow colors that were headed to the same area. Discord stretched his existence out, his molecular breakdown zooming to that locus –

And he bounced off the surface of it.

"What?" He reeled. Then attempted to break through it again.

There was a distinct anti-magical field encasing the control room area. It felt the same as the energy vacuum that had come from the crystal Peepers had used against Discord last time. It must have been more of the same crystal, broken down and embedded in the walls of the most valuable room to ensure that no magic could enter – at least not any of the chaos variety. No, this was specifically an attack against chaos magic and chaos magic alone, the longer Discord looked at it.

Discord broke out laughing then and there, and it echoed through the furthest halls of the Skullship. "Oh, you really DID prepare for me, and JUST for me!"

He wasn't going to be able to trigger the self-destruct the way he wanted. So he phased out into the nearest room that the majority of his physical form could reach – which ended up being a good distance from the control room – and tapped at his head. A headset wrapped around it, and he knew that an identical one sat upon the heads of each of his allies here outside Daibazaal.

"Calling all WHAM ARMY reinforcements," Discord said.

"DISCORD, THERE'D BETTER BE A BLOODY GOOD REASON FOR THIS," Draco seethed.

"It looks like technology, but it's magic," Megavolt panicked. "I should be wearing technology, BUT IT'S MADE OF PURE MAGIC! Wait. Does this mean I now believe science and magic are two separate entities? I may have just had an epiphany."

"I've done most of the groundwork for an epic explosion," Discord informed them. "We'll have the whole ship down and out in no time, except I can't press the button that will blow it all to smithereens. One of you will have to be the one to do it. I can talk you toward the control room. I'm sure you'll have no trouble fighting your way through a few measly Watchdogs to get there."

"Alpha's hardly even letting Draco or me have any to beat up!" Megavolt whined.

"You could have them," Alpha said, "if you were skilled enough to beat me to the punch."

"Follow my direction," Discord said. "And once you get there, look for a big red button that glows. Trust me. It's going to be a big red button that glows."

A particularly powerful Knockback Jinx threw open to the control room; several broken and bloodied Watchdogs lined the route from the mouth inward. Draco, Alpha, and Megavolt rushed forward, looking for the self-destruct button.

"Ohhhh, I'm sorry," Lord Hater said, pointing at a glowing red button. "Were you looking for the SELF-DESTRUCT BUTTON?"

"Oh, hey, thanks for pointing it out!" Megavolt told him. "That was polite of you."

Hater moved out front of the button, his entire body lighting up with an electric green glow. "YOU'RE NOT BLOWING UP MY SHIP!"

"I beg to differ," Alpha replied. "Shall we show him?"

Without waiting for further signal, Alpha leapt, twirling so his blades spun. Hater caught them both in his hands, spinning to use Alpha's own weight against him and throw him across the room. Megavolt was up next, blade swinging; Hater slammed a hand into him, sending thousands of volts as powerful as his namesake coursing through his body. Draco used this as an opportunity to magically rip a panel of metal out of the wall and use his wand to flick it at Hater; Hater turned and punched it away.

Megavolt stumbled around, disoriented and in pain and suddenly realizing he'd been charged all the way up. Chuckling to himself, he summoned up his own aura of crackling blue, letting a force as powerful as Hater's own fly right at the robed skeleton. Hater was caught in the shockwave, thrown across the control room at such force that when he collided with the wall, several more metal panels bent and became loose.

Alpha made a lunge for the button. Hater blasted him away with a lightning beam, slamming him into the other side of the wall and further damaging the foundations of the room. Draco sent a curse hurtling toward the control panel, only for Hater to rip away a metal shield from the floor and use it to deflect the spell – which wouldn't have worked, save for Peepers' crystal lining that sparkled within it.

Blasts of green and blue and yellow and white were thrown around the room. Metal shrapnel fell. Beams were uncovered and severed. And no one got any closer to pressing the red button.

Hater had Megavolt held up by the collar, pumping even more electricity into him. Alpha rushed from behind, converting discs to gun; Hater was aware of his presence. At the last moment, he dropped Megavolt and sidestepped with a cheeky smirk.

Alpha's fire blasted Megavolt. Not only did this cause the rat even more pain, but the resulting blast from the lightning he'd been charged with being galvanized by Alpha's ammo shook the whole room, reaching as far as Draco and slamming him back against the wall hard enough to disorient him. Alpha was also felled, hitting the floor hard.

Two hands – one skeletal, one metal carved to mimic skeletal – seized Alpha and Megavolt, tossing their limp bodies over to lie next to Draco's. All three groaned as they looked up to see Hater advancing on them, his hands glowing with deadly green lightning.

"Any last words, WHAM ARMY?" Hater asked.

"Uhh…gimme a second to think," Megavolt replied.

"Well, THINK FASTER!" Hater screamed. "I'm about to OBLITERATE you and I'm not gonna do it unless we've traded some REALLY COOL BANTER!"

Alpha's eyes widened. Then he let out a chuckle. "If you insist. Then I'll tell you that you're the SECOND person to make this mistake."

"What mistake?" Hater asked. "You're all about to die, aren't you?"

"You wouldn't even have known, actually," Alpha realized. "As far as you knew, Discord came here with three of us. As far as we knew, he only miked three of us. But while you were throwing us around the room like broken toys…well. See for yourself."

"Huh?" Lord Hater spun around.

Just in time to see Morvok slamming his fist into the self-destruct button with a triumphant "HA!"

And nothing happened.

"…Ha?" Morvok pressed it again. And again, and again. "Ha…ha…hahahahaha IS THIS NOT THE RIGHT BUTTON?" He was now pounding it angrily.

"Oh, that's the right button, all right." It was the voice of Peepers. "But you can't activate the self-destruct because I CUT THE CORD!"

Peepers stepped into visibility, two ends of a broken electrical cable in his hands. "I KNEW you'd pull a stunt like this!" he crowed. "It wasn't hard to think two steps ahead of you. After all, you're a bunch of disorganized idiots, and I'M one of the most distinguished evil seconds-in-command – "

"PEEPERS!" Hater bellowed in rage. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Oh, nothing," Peepers boasted. "Just, you know, stopping our enemies from using our own self-destruct mechanism against us."

"Peepers," Hater growled, "that was supposed to be MY GENIUS MOVE TO STOP THEM FROM DETONATING THE SHIP!"

"What the – " Peepers shook his head (which was really just the one eyeball). "Sir, you can't be serious. First of all, you didn't even THINK of this plan! But more importantly, are you REALLY going to be upset because we're NOT going to blow up, but YOU'RE NOT THE REASON WHY?"

"I'M THE BIGGEST, BADDEST VILLAIN ON THIS ENTIRE SHIP!" Hater advanced upon Peepers rapidly. "I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO SAVE IT!"

"Gee, sounds like you two have domestic problems," Megavolt remarked.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Hater spun and sent another jolt of lightning into Megavolt, and by proximity, it dealt another blow to Draco and Alpha. He rounded on Peepers once more; "Do you have ANY IDEA how STUPID you just made me look?"

"First you want me to go along with your stupid half-baked revenge scheme on people we don't even know or care about!" Peepers snapped back. "Then, when I actually help you humiliate those people, you get MAD AT ME? Sir, you are WAY out of line, and, dare I say it, ACTING LIKE A CHILD!"

"What…was…that?" Hater stomped right in front of Peepers.

"I said you're acting like a child!" Peepers repeated smugly. "And not at ALL like a villain, let alone the greatest in the galaxy!"

"WHYYYYYY YOUUUUU – "

Hater's mechanical arm, the stronger of the two, swung hard through the air. The back of his hand smacked into Peepers with enough force to send the small commander flying, smacking into one of the already-decimated walls with enough force that several pinions exposed from the previous skirmish jolted out of place and fell atop him, temporarily stunning him unconscious.

"Now let's try this one…more…time." Hater turned back to the WHAM ARMY. "Any last words?"

"Yeah," Megavolt said. "You made the mistake of shocking me again and charging me up, so now, we're not going to remain STATIC."

From his fingers, electricity coursed over the floor in four lines, careening to the ends of the two cables. Connecting to them. Connecting them to each other.

A calm, computerized voice stated, "Self-destruct activated."

Hater flinched. "Password, password, what did I set as the password – OH RIGHT! Lord Hater, #1 Superstar!"

"Password denied," the voice said. "Self-destruct in one hundred. Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight."

"LORD HATER, #1 SUPERSTAR!" Hater yelled. "LORD HATER #1 SUPERSTAR LORD HATER #1 SUPERSTAR LORD HATER #1 SUPERSTAR! STOP SELF-DESTRUCTING BY ORDER OF LORD HATER, #1 SUPERSTAR!"

"Password denied," the voice replied. "Password changed by rogue draconequus, actually."

Hater's face fell. "Ohhhhh…no."

Quick as a wink, he was at the controls for a PA system. "EVERYBODY EVACUATE!" he screamed. "INTO THE ESCAPE PODS! EXCEPT LEAVE ROOM FOR ME!"

And he bolted from the control room at top speed. Having forgotten something very, very important.

Draco, Alpha, and Megavolt peeled themselves up from the floor; Morvok hovered in beside them. "Let's get out of here," Morvok suggested. "I don't really do well with life-threatening situations."

"WE'VE NOTICED," Draco, Alpha, and Megavolt growled.

Several escape pods were rapidly being filled with panicking Watchdogs. Hater jumped into the largest one, taking a padded seat with his name embroidered on it so he could yell at them to "HURRY UP ALREADY!"

The stream of Watchdogs stopped coming. "Yeah, that's everyone," Hater decided. "Close the hatch and LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!"

"Uh, sir?" a Watchdog piped up. "Commander Peepers isn't – "

"DON'T say that name to me!" Hater yelled. "I'm giving him the silent treatment until he apologizes! Until then, I'm gonna pretend he doesn't even exist! That'll show him!"

"But sir, I don't think you noticed that he – "

"LALALALA I CAN'T HEEEEAAAAR YOOOUUUU!"

The countdown had reached fifty. The other Watchdogs knew they had to go or else perish.

"Well, on the bright side," one of them whispered to the rest, "we lose the total killjoy."

And suddenly it really didn't seem like such a bad thing to take off without the guy who kept shutting down every time the Watchdogs wanted to host a talk show or a disco rave.

The escape pods blasted off in formation, steering out to the nearest habitable planet in Galra Space. In their wake, the Skullship trembled.

Slowly Peepers came to, feeling the shaking of the ship. Hearing the gentle countdown of "Forty-nine. Forty-eight."

Oh, no.

He snapped to action – but was still pinned down firmly by the metal beams. He was going nowhere. Hater was nowhere in sight (and probably hadn't noticed he was missing), and the whole ship was about to explode.

"No…NO…"

Outside the control room, Discord made a rendez-vous with the rest of his team. "Good job, everyone!" he congratulated. "Especially you, Morvok. I was HOPING you'd pick up on the gambit I was trying to pull."

"I'm smarter than people give me credit for, you know," Morvok said. "If that cable hadn't been cut, then you'd all owe me!"

"The sad fact is," Alpha noted, "the cable was cut, meaning we all owe Megavolt. I'd rather be in Morvok's debt."

"Um, can you pay me back by GETTING US OUT OF HERE?" Megavolt yelled. "I'd rather not explode today any more times than I already have!"

"Very well," Discord said, raising his claw to snap.

When Peepers' piercing cry of "NOOOOOOOO!" reached him from within the control room.

Discord froze. It all hit him at once. Hater had left his second-in-command behind, so callously. Said second-in-command, the one who'd been smart enough to match Discord at every turn, was presumably trapped in that room.

What he told himself at the time was that it was an opportunity. A bartering chip to use against Hater later. Something he couldn't pass up.

"You go on without me," Discord said as he turned and ran into the control room.

"WHA – " Draco sputtered. "You want me to do a side-along Apparition with THREE Muggles while the whole ship is shaking? YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT, OR MOZENRATH WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!"

Discord didn't really care. He was too busy focusing on the control room. Even entering had caused him to flinch, his skin prickling. The crystal was doing its job well. Discord knew he wouldn't be able to use any chaos magic whatsoever here, even if Draco had been able to hex without hindrance.

There! The pile of beams, underneath which was the struggling Commander Peepers. Discord rushed over to him, making sure to smile as smugly as possible as he loomed over him.

"This IS a predicament," Discord said in a tone that Peepers didn't like at all.

"Wh…what are you going to do?" Peepers asked. "Something to make my end MORE painful? I'm already going to die, just like you wanted! Don't make it any worse!"

Discord shifted. Peepers cowered. And then Peepers realized that Discord was hefting the beams off of him, one by one.

"Are you kidding?" Discord teased. "Why would I DESTROY you when I can USE you? Once Lord Hater knows I have you and that you're in one piece, I can ask him for ANYTHING!"

"Uhh…" Peepers wasn't really sure how to respond to that.

Discord threw off the last beam, then seized Peepers' entire body in his paw. "You're going for a ride on the Discord Express!" he chortled, taking off running.

Outside the control room, Draco, Morvok, Alpha, and Megavolt were yelling at him and gesturing for him to come back. "Oh, all right, all right," Discord said. Then he lifted an ear:

"Five. Four…"

Discord smirked. "But we're going out in style."

His teammates all had the deepest of fears stricken into their hearts.

"Three. Two. One."

Boom.

The entire Skullship went up in a shower of detonations, each explosion setting off three more in a chain reaction. And riding the blast, careening out of the fire on the waves of heat that emanated from it, was an impenetrable bubble of lavender magic, containing Draco, Alpha, Morvok, Megavolt, Discord, and Peepers.

Discord laughed raucously. "Now THIS is an exit!"

As the smoke cleared, the bubble drifted lazily along toward the wreckage of Daibazaal, which, thanks to the explosion, now looked just a little bit more wrecked. All of a sudden, Draco noticed the anomaly; "What's HE doing in here?"

"Oh, right." Discord dropped Peepers unceremoniously into the bowl-curve of the floor. "Just a little bargaining chip I picked up along the way."

Peepers dusted himself off, then turned to look through the bubble's translucence. Right away, he was able to spot the glowing thrusters of the speeding escape pods, just before they winked out of view completely.

Forlornly, Peepers put one hand on the inside of the bubble. "Lord Hater…"

"Don't worry your little head," Discord told him. "Like I said, we'll keep you in one piece so Hater can pay us a HANDSOME ransom."

"…About that," Peepers said.

"The tyrant didn't want him," Alpha explained. "The two of them had a disagreement…and the leader bashed him into the wall and left him for dead."

Discord flinched, his eyes widening. "He WHAT?"

"And probably doesn't even notice I'm not on the escape pods because he's busy pretending I'm not there until I apologize," Peepers sighed. "Which is gonna work out real well, since I'm literally not there."

"That's horrible!" Discord said, completely forgetting to add any trace of irony.

Peepers flinched; "Well, not really. I mean, this kind of thing happens all the time. It's just how he is. We always patch up sooner or later. Somehow. Whether or not he actually deserves it. But that's just how our friendship works!"

"Excuse me!" Discord spat. "I have spent far too much time being schooled in the ways of FRIENDSHIP. And that is not how FRIENDSHIP works in any capacity! If this is how you're treated by him on a regular basis, then maybe I don't WANT to give you back to him!"

"What are you talking about?" Draco said sharply. "He's the enemy."

Megavolt chimed in: "Your whole partnership with this Hater guy actually sounds textbook abusive if you ask me."

"ABUSIVE?" Peepers repeated. Nervously, he laughed; "Ohohoho noooo, it's not abusive. It's just – I mean, it's more like – well, we're villains, so does it even matter?"

"You always wanna keep this thing in check with evil bosses," Megavolt said. "Or else you end up with your evil boss stealing your superpowers and those of your two best buddies and your secret crush and then using those powers to humiliate you and destroy your home city, forcing you to play hero. And no one wants to have to play hero."

"My own experience was weirdly similar," Discord realized. "Stolen powers, a razed city, having to play hero…"

"Megavolt said 'secret crush,'" Morvok pointed out. "Are we going to ignore that?"

"No I didn't," Megavolt said quickly.

"Really, it's not about standards," Discord said. "It's about how much you're willing to put up with before you have to be the backstabber. And do you want to call it quits early enough to be the backstabber while you're still the villain…or wait until you've had to join hands with the Light side?"

"I already teamed up with the good guys against a Bigger Bad once," Peepers huffed. "I'd rather not do that again." He then straightened up, puffing his chest. "You know what? Maybe it's time for a change! Maybe it's time I get back at Hater by showing him what life's like when he DOES have to work against me! As of now, consider me one of the WHAM ARMY! I'll help you do anything so long as it will end in utter humiliation for Lord Hater!"

"The good news is, we're after the worlds ourselves," Alpha said. "Which seems to be what you wanted from the start."

"HE'S THE BLOODY ENEMY!" Draco yelled. "AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES? HE'S PROBABLY JUST SAYING THIS SO HE CAN LURE US INTO A TRAP AND DESTROY US ALL!"

"Well, we should at least give him the benefit of the doubt, shouldn't we?" Discord suggested. "If he is being honest, this outcome is going to be SO delicious."

"We'll have him prove himself," Alpha suggested. "After all, if Morvok can prove himself twice, anyone can."

"I'm ignoring that," Morvok said.

The bubble drifted down onto the deck of the Vicious. It popped, leaving the six to roam freely. "Welcome to your new home away from home," Discord introduced. "Trust me, ACTUAL home is even more impressive."

"It is a decent lightship," Peepers remarked. "Passable, anyway. Could use some hardware upgrades, but not bad. So. Why exactly are we moored in front of a wrecked planet we can't even conquer?"

"Because…" Alpha pointed. "We're guarding that."

Peepers turned to behold the portal into the other reality. It looked just as one would expect a portal between realities to look like. No anomalies. No signs of tampering.

Which, unfortunately, meant that this contingent didn't know that they'd already failed their mission. As they'd been destroying the Skullship from the inside out, someone had slipped through the portal, bringing with them nothing but doom.