Illusion is Reality

Chapter 147

-A sword-

That night I slept and went back to my babies. Ah, as soon as I figure out how to take you guys with me, I'll be able to bring you all home. I set to work feeding them, the routine was almost instinctual by this point. Put the twins against my chest, since they needed the extra attention, hold the rest of them in my lap since they still needed my warm touch and embrace, float their bottles with my pre-stored milk to feed the others. Sometimes I grew more boobs so I could feed more of them directly from me, since they seemed to like it better. For some reason that disturbed the humans when they saw it.

When the kids were this young, there wasn't much I needed to do. It was very relaxing, peaceful actually. I sang to them as I allowed them to nurse. I was very hopeful about their ability to be able to understand music, if the way they relaxed at the melody meant anything. Who knows, perhaps they just liked that I was making sounds. "You know, what's going to happen once you all grow teeth?" I rubbed my thumb against Ira's cheek. She(? I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling here, they were too young to really know for sure. Mental feeling of gender existed back when I was a Shape. And it wasn't always male or female, like there were variations that could be felt, heck I flip flopped around all the time) reached out to wrap her tiny little hand around my finger. Ahhhh! "I love you so muuuuuuch!" I lifted her up to nuzzle against her cheek.

Ira patted my face with one hand, grabbing my nose, even as they continued to drink the bottle. They were getting much better at it, the feeding sessions only lasting a half hour instead of several. And then I had them all floating and rotating until they burped. They squealed and kicked their legs. "Yeah, you do love spinning like little centrifuges, don't you~" I tugged on their legs and wiggled them around. "Well now that you're all fed, what do you guys wanna do today?"

Avaritia kicked Gula. I sighed, moving them further away from each other. "Ava, honey, you need to stop hitting your sisters. That's very rude." I held him in one arm and Gula in the other, she was whimpering so I rubbed her side until she felt better. The rest of the kids were laid down on my lap, sprawled over my legs. "Now, apologize to Gula." I told Avaritia firmly. He responded by sticking his whole hand in his mouth. "No, that's not an apology. Say you're sorry." I gently tugged his hand out of his mouth. "Repeat after me, I'm sorry for kicking you Gula."

He placed his saliva covered hand on my chest, reaching for my boob. "No Ava, you just ate. And I know for a fact that you're full." I was distracted by Invidia patting my leg. "Uwwooo…"

"Ok Vidi, whatever you say." I put Avaritia back down on the bed and picked Invidia up for his cuddles. Gula was wiggling out of my grasp and sliding back down onto the bed herself. Every now and then, the kids would whimper and I would switch out which ones I was cuddling and gently rub them until they felt better. Gloria and Erbi were the most needy in this sense, their conjoined nature probably felt a little uncomfortable when one of them tried to lean a little too far in one direction and ended up pulling her sister. I did a basic Scan as I rubbed their little shoulders and back. They were healthy, for the most part. Will probably need some sort of bracer for their spine once they were older. "Hey kids, wanna watch some tv?" Never too early to start!

None of them spoke out against this idea, so I arranged them all on top of me, on their backs and facing up at the ceiling, where a screen appeared and an episode of Sesame Street started up.

They stared, enraptured by the moving colors and sounds. I was also enraptured and the hours went by without any of us really noticing. Until my stomach growled. Oh right. I have to feed myself too. I carefully lifted the children up and made a little hammock carrier to put them all in, hanging around my neck and shoulders. "Come on, mommy needs food before she starts nibbling on you guys." I joked. I ruffled Luxuria's hair as they sucked on their thumb. "Nnu?" Acedia complained, wiggling in her little hammock. "What's up? You wanna wiggle? Hang on, I can float you…" I lifted her into the air, still in her baby hammock. She squealed and wiggled harder. "I wonder if you guys'll learn any magical stuff someday? I know that it would cause no amount of headache for Fordsie. But you've definitely inherited some of my powers, at the very least."

I made my way to the kitchen, greeted Abuelita as I passed by, and looked in the fridge to see what we got to eat. Hm. I'm kinda feeling too lazy to cook though. I pulled out my Com and pulled up the Void Deliveries app. Heh.

I ordered some pizza for myself, with several side items because I really was hungry right now, and sat down at the kitchen table to wait. I could feel my children wiggling around me, protesting the lack of freedom. "I need to make you guys a playpen." I noted. "Preferably once I've got some food inside me."

The pizza was left on the porch, on the table we put out there specifically for deliveries. I watched the delivery man leave from the window and once the Void Deliveries car drove away. The cars were something I created for my employees to use. They got a free car when they joined. Parking it in the VD building allowed me to charge them. The employees got to use the cars for all their work, and even personal use, so long as they parked it back at the building to be charged. The cars could be refueled at any gas station, but the VD building was free fuel up. I was able to do everything from long distance, and the cars had a little weirdness battery inside them, along with security settings that prevented anyone from taking them apart.

I frowned up at the ceiling. Well, uncle Ax wasn't stopping me from doing this, so I suppose it's still allowed.

I got my food and went back inside, sanitizing it with a wave of my hand as I went. "Oh I needed this…" I shoved an entire slice of pizza in my mouth. Mmmm~ Garlic mushroom~

"Ah ahh!" Gula reached up, staring at the other pizza slice in my other hand. She was enraptured. "Sorry dear. I think you're too young for this. Even if your stomachs can digest it, the fact that it's a solid food is going to make you sick."

Gula whined, scrunching her face up, waving her hands at me. "Uuuu…"

"I promise when you can handle solid foods, I'll get you a pizza." I patted her head. She didn't seem very happy with my response. Ah, she really wanted one.

"Sorry. You can't have this. But here's a pacifier for you to suck on." I stuck it in her mouth and she bit down on it while continuing to stare at my food. And the others were starting to stare at it too. "Oh no. Not you guys too." I bounced on my feet a little, patting their backs with my free hands and trying to find something to distract them with. "How about we go back and watch more tv? Wouldn't that be better?"

I got us all back on the bed, I was spending most of my time on Fordsie's bed, and I was ok with that. I floated my food containers next to me and extracted my children to lay them back out on the bed with me. I held Vanagloria and Superbia in my lap, so I could make them more comfortable. I gave all of them some pacifiers to nurse on while I turned the show back on.

"It's funny." I commented, stroking Superbia's cheek with one hand and rubbing Vanagloria's hand with a thumb. "Part of me wants you to grow up faster, so I could talk to you. But I also want you to stay like this forever. So you'll always be here, with me. Needing me." I lowered my head, watching them. "But that's selfish of me. You're your own person. And I love you all so much." I laughed. "Isn't that silly? I don't know anything about you all. What kind of person you are, or what you like or dislike. What you'll want to do or be." I laughed. "I know nothing about you. But I love you all. So much. So much that it hurts."

They were so small. So young. I sometimes still couldn't believe they were here. They were real. I… made them. "I really wish you would choose immortality." I told them. "But I have to respect your wishes as well. Like I have with everyone else."

"If you raise them with the idea of immortality in mind, they're going to have a higher chance of choosing it."

I looked up and brightened. "Fordsie~!" I reached for him. "Get over here so I can hug you!" He chuckled, walking over and dropping his coat over a chair as he leaned down into my embrace. "How've you been today?" He asked, pulling away and sitting at the edge of the bed, reaching a hand down to ruffle Superbia's hair.

"I'm doing good." I wasn't telling him about what was happening over in my own Set. It wasn't something he was asking me about, and it wasn't important. "Fed the kids, fed myself. Watched educational children's television…"

"They're too young to learn that sort of thing."

"Never too young to start! Hah!" I leaned my head against Ford's shoulder. "Besides, between the two of us, they're gonna be a bunch of smart alecs."

"...isn't that a bad thing?" Ford asked slowly. I cackled. "If they get even half of my sass and your disregard for OSHA, they're gonna be able to take over the world!"

"A truly terrifying thought." Ford said before the full enormity of my statement registered. "HEY!"

"Hahahaha!"

I was surprised when I (as Miz) went to go get the mail and found a package. I didn't think any of us ordered anything. But when I looked it over, there was no return address. In fact, there was no shipping label. There was a scribbled [Miz] on the side. I Flickered and grinned. A package from Tio Rico! I took it back indoors after sterilizing it.

"Whoa, what's with the box?" Zach and Zoe gathered around. Zoe had that expression on that made it clear she wanted to do the unboxing. I Flickered and nodded at her. "You can help me open it."

"Sweet!" Zoe descended upon the box, tearing at it with her hands and teeth. The little growling noises were adorable. Ah, she's such a gremlin, I love her. The box was torn open and Zoe gasped at the stuffed animals. "Ooh!"

"You can have one." I allowed, reaching in to get the letter that Tio Rico sent me. "Zach, you get one too." He gasped, going over to look through them before Zoe got the best one to destroy claim.

I slid my nail under the flap and opened it. Hm… oh. I grinned. Looks like Rico wanted some help. He even sent the dolls as prepayment. Well, it wasn't a difficult request. He wanted to transport some supplies. Specifically, toiletries and other hygiene products. Clean towels, soaps, sanitizing spray, masks and gloves. He needed a lot. And frankly, yeah. I was fine with doing that. I noted down the quantity and location for the 'shipment' and went to get some food before I did this.

I dug into a container of peanut butter, pouring myself a cup of milk as well so I didn't choke. A moment of concentration as I pulled the needed supplies from my mental catalogue of templates later, and I'd sent off the box of supplies. I went back to the box to see what dolls were left after the twins claimed theirs. I was going to give these to my children. I bet they'd love them.

A shark, an elephant, a frog and an owl. Hm. Not enough for all of them. I'll give them some of the dolls from my own collection.

I gathered the dolls together and sent them over to myself as Yun, opening my eyes and smiling at them. "Well, if my kids got anything from me, they'll love these."

They did. And I watched them explore and examine these new objects dropped into their world. Hm. Needed more toys and things for them to examine and learn and touch. Tactile learning was a thing.

"It's amazing you know?" I told them, lying down on the bed with them as they explored these new things they've never seen before. "If my human family… my first human family, could see you all?" I chuckled. "They always asked me to give them grandchildren. And I always refused, 'cause I didn't like the idea of all the icky stuff that goes into making a baby, you know?" I reached out to lay a hand on Gula's side, smiling at the way she was biting the shark plushie.

"I wish I could show you all to them. Would they be proud of me, then?" I closed my eyes. "妈妈 would be so happy. She would also be a little upset that I'm not married first, but whatever, I'll take what I can get." I rubbed my thumb on Gula's arm absently. "She always told me that more than anything, she wanted me to be happy. It's why she named me 尊欣, you know?" I let out a self deprecating laugh. "Well I failed that one spectacularly as well."

Some of the kids had gotten bored of their dolls and were reaching for their siblings'. "Linda's pretty sure I have depression, along with a whole slew of other things. But… I guess I shouldn't be talking about this to you guys." I rolled over to lay on my back, so that Invidia, who was pulling at my shirt, could climb his way onto me. I thought maybe he wanted to suckle, but he just laid there, on my chest. "Oh man, I bet grandpa would have loved to meet you all." I smiled. "You know, he was a scientist, just like your daddy." I told them proudly.

"Heck, most of my memories of him was when he would tell me about how the Earth formed." I laughed. "All the way back to when it was all just a bunch of heat vents, water and a growing ocean of stuff that would eventually become life…" Avaritia was tugging on me too, but his older sibling had already claimed the best spot, as it were, so he climbed up to my side and clung onto me.

"I have many fond memories of grandpa. He was really nice, you know he always brought me stuffed animals whenever he came to visit? Had a suitcase full of them to spoil me with." I laughed. "I was the first granddaughter he had, after all. My uncle had two sons so they were all set for securing the family name, so Grandma and Grandpa really wanted a girl." I poked Acedia's nose as she somehow grabbed both the elephant and the owl, claiming them both for herself.

"He also taught Zeon how to make a bow and arrow. That was a fun afternoon." I giggled. "And he used to go out into the woods to identify what mushrooms you could eat or not. Though mom always told him not to actually try eating the stuff he found, just in case." Since Vanagloria and Superbia were struggling, I lifted them up and placed them against my other side. They relaxed, curling their tiny little hands into my clothes. "...I don't have all that many memories of grandma though." I admitted sheepishly. "She died when I was eight. I still remember how much 妈妈 cried. I understood enough to know that it meant I could never see grandma again."

I took a deep breath, blinking rapidly. "It wasn't like I didn't know what death was. I watched it firsthand when I was two. I had a pet chick, you know?" I curled my arms around them all. "And then it got stepped on, and I still… have that memory burned inside me." I wondered if this was something I was allowed to say in front of children? "And for the longest time, that was how I thought of it. Of death. Of how… sometimes it happened because you got killed, and then people couldn't be with you anymore. Because you'd be gone. And grandma was gone. And I understood, in my own little way." I blinked faster.

"And ever since I was a kid, I'd think about it. About what I would do, how I would feel, if I lost the people close to me." I grimaced. "I'd think about the practical ramifications of their deaths. If dad was gone, then mom would have to work harder to support us. If mom was gone, who was going to make food? If… Zeon was gone, I'd be alone…" I took another shuddering breath. "And when Kei was born, I'd watch her sleep and worry about her passing away like I'd read that some babies did. And I'd read about how babies needed touch or else they'd die and I would go into my parents room to pat her head or her cheek and hope that this would be enough-" I had to rub my face with the edge of the blankets. "And I was twelve, I shouldn't have had to be thinking about shit like that-" My shoulders were shaking a little.

"-and we all went back to China to show off Kei to grandpa and great-grandma and I doubt Kei remembers great-grandma since, you know, baby, and it was so much fun to see everyone again…" I reached to lift everyone up to press them against myself. "...and a couple weeks after we all went back to America… we got the news that great-grandma died…"

I let out a wet chuckle. "And it wasn't even just because she was old. No. She… she got really depressed after we all left to go back to America. Because she was lonely." I closed my eyes, feeling my tears escape and run down my face. "She was so sad and lonely she stopped eating." I raised a hand to wipe my eyes. "A week. That's all it took." I said quietly.

"Well, that's pretty fucked up, huh?" I leaned down to nuzzle the top of Luxuria's head. "But I won't die. I can't. You guys on the other hand… well, I can fix that. I'll ask you once you're older. You're too young to really consent to anything right now." It was fine, they were so young, they had so much time before they would need to even worry about this kinda thing. And then Ira peed and I waved to magic the diaper clean. Parenting was so much easier with magic I fucking swear. I couldn't help but laugh, feeling the way Ira was discomforted and then comforted when the yucky feeling went away. "I wonder when I can start potty training you all? I think… Kei was around two to three?" I thought back to my experience with my human sister as a baby.

Actually, now that I think about it...

"I need to get you guys exposed to germs, in small doses. So your human halves develop an immune system." I realized. I gathered them up in my arms, "Come on darlings, let's go out to the yard."

With the Shack closed, I could head out freely. I sat on the porch in the backyard, sighing at the cool wind. I put the kids down on the porch, resisting the urge to clean it. Nope, that's not the point here. They needed to touch dirt sometime in their life. Humans and earth creatures were odd. Most of the alien species I've met have immune systems that operated in a 'no germs is better' sort of way? Where their immune responses were to destroy anything not genetically similar to themselves if it got into their blood or being able to shunt all the foreign contaminants to another part of their body to shed off. They went more for 'get rid of it' without their bodies needing to build a catalogue of specific viruses and bacteria it knew intimately enough to destroy them. Well, my kids were human enough that I worried about them developing autoimmune issues if they weren't given actual bacteria for their bodies to adapt to.

I watched them lie on the porch, looking around in awe at stuff. Ah, I'm reminded of when I was a baby and my shape Birthers took me out of the house for the first time.

Yeesh I'm feeling nostalgic today.

"Ah wuh?" Invidia, the eldest, was the first to try and head towards the green stuff. He wiggled, not really doing much more than kick his legs. Interesting how they couldn't fully crawl when wanting to get around, but they could almost climb when it came to trying to get to my boobs. I suppose the power of food compels them. I chuckled, picking him up and placing him down in the grass. I'll give them all a bath later, so a little dirt was ok for now. I felt myself tingle as I crossed the unicorn barrier around the shack and Invidia stiffened.

"Vidia? You ok?" I looked down.

And then he caught on fire.

I managed not to drop him. "Vidia?!" The fire didn't seem to hurt him, thank Ax for that. He let out a strange sound, kicking his legs. "Uuuwooo!" I blinked. "Oh." I finally realized. "You guys can't use your powers inside the barrier." That… yeah. That made sense. "Well, looks like my guess was right on the mark. You are pink." I held him up to my face, grinning at him as the pink wisps of Weird fire crackled along his arms and head. He squealed and reached for my face, patting my cheeks. "Oh yes, I am very proud of you little man." His first fire burst! How adorable! I took out my Com to snap a few photos.

"...I wonder why you've got fire powers… is it from my Yun aspects? 'Cause this definitely ain't a Shape thing." I placed him on the grass, putting a created pillow chair behind him so he could sit up. He looked around, his head lolling. "Well, you have fun. Don't eat the dirt." I told him before heading back to the porch to retrieve the rest of my children. I had suspected this, after seeing Invidia, but the rest of them burst into fire as well when I moved them out of the barrier. Except Gula. Well, she took after Xin. I wonder if that meant she got different powers? I already could Feel that she was part dragon, while the rest of them were Deva. Odd that they didn't have my extra arms. Probably due to their human half.

I went to pick up the twins last, and placed them in the grass as well. The fire along their body was a mix of two different ones. Vanagloria's was more yellow, while Superbia's was orange-ish. Everyone else matched their colors, aside from Gula, who wasn't on fire like her siblings.

"I should tell Fordsie that you guys have powers." I smiled. "And stronger than Zach and Zoe's, which… means I'm going to have to teach you guys how to control this sooner rather than later." I wasn't all that worried, surprisingly. Them having powers just means they'll have a way to defend themselves in the future. "I wonder what other powers you have?" It couldn't just be fire. No way. They must have inherited something from their Shape aspects. Possibly some mild empathy, if I had to guess. "Oh shit." I noticed they were setting the grass on fire. "Nope, nope. Can't do that honey." I put out the fires. "We will have to work on this once you're older. Damn, Ford's lucky his house has this barrier or else I'd need to fireproof the whole house."

I crouched on the lawn, watching the kids kick their legs and squeal at everything around them. "Here's hoping you don't end up like Zoe, I love her, but she's gonna get in trouble when she's older if she keeps setting stuff on fire." Humans tended to frown on the whole… setting unregulated fires thing?

I crouched down there for a few more minutes, watching them kick their feet and wave their hands. They were thinking so hard about everything they saw and smelled and heard and experienced. They weren't thinking in words, but there was a sense of 'what's that?' being projected out loudly for anyone to pick up on. "No the grass is not food." I rolled my eyes. "You'll make yourselves sick if you try eating it. You're not even on solids yet."

Avaritia had slid down from his pillow to roll around in the grass. He giggled as he went. "You really like the grass huh?" I leaned over to smile at him. He was smacking the grass with his burning hands and setting it all on fire while squealing. "Ok ya little pyromaniac, I think you've had enough germ exposure for today." I picked him up and tucked him against my chest. "How're the rest of you feeling? Wanna head back inside?"

Invidia was starting at a nearby flower, reaching for it. "Ngh!" He couldn't reach it, but he wanted it. I bent down to pinch the stem off to hand it to him. "Try not to burn it." I told him. Of course, he didn't really listen. But I blinked when the pink flames licked at the flower now in his hands without igniting it.

"...do your flames have different effects? Or is this something else?" I knelt down, still hugging Avaritia against myself as I examined Invidia. His flames were 'light' and mild 'heat'. Not as hot as Avaritia's dark blue flames. Which was odd. Their colors were odd. My own flame was a bright sky blue. I wonder… had my flame used to be yellow before I devoured Will? Not that I had flames as a triangle, but… the point still stands.

I'm sure the reason behind the color of my flames were different from Seb's and Blue's. Why were their flames the color they were? What would my own flames be like if they'd been yellow? What would I have been like if I hadn't eaten my little brother?

"Uwww…" Invidia smiled at his flower. I ruffled his hair. "You really like it huh? Ok, I guess you can keep it for now. It won't last all that long, but I could magick it for you?" He waved his widdle arms in response. "Well I don't know what that means honey."

Gula let out a whine. I glanced over to see her reaching for me. "Ahhh…"

"Hungry already? I suppose you live up to your name." I chuckled, scooping her up under one of my other arms. "Ok, I guess we should all head back inside now." I levitated the rest of them, keeping them close to me as I went back across the barrier, shivering at the feeling. I hear the kids whine as their fire shut off, snuffed instantly. "I dunno if you guys need to burn for health reasons, but I don't see why I can't take you all out here every few days."

They let out disappointed sounds when I got them back inside the barrier. "Oh hush, the barrier is for protection against me, or something?" I frowned. Why did we need the unicorn barrier again? Eh… in case any other Bill Ciphers come here? Maybe. I shrugged. "Or, well, it'll stop you from burning the house down."

I carried them with me to the expanded bathroom and set to work taking their onesies off. My other hand was turning on the hot water, checking it's temperature so it wasn't too hot.

Giving the kids a bath was a definite requirement after they've been in grass and dirt. It was a quiet and domestic activity and I rather enjoyed it. I placed them into the water, it went up to their ribs, not too high, in case they tried to slide under it. The splashing and kicking was already beginning. I stripped down to get into the tub myself and began wiping Invidia off with a soft hand towel. He held still, watching what I was doing with curious eyes. I could hear everyone else splashing about, I put some rubber animal toys in the water to keep them occupied for now.

"It's easy to clean you off now, since you're still so little and only sat in the grass." I finished wiping Invidia off, booped his nose and handed him a rubber alligator toy to play with. He picked it up and held it, but continued watching me. I moved onto Luxuria, who was chewing on the rubber starfish. This one didn't want to hold still, wiggling and making protesting whines as I worked a new, clean towel, into the water and then up and around them. The towel was, of course, soapy. Luxuria gave me a disgruntled look when I finally finished and rinsed the suds away. "I know, you didn't like that. But clean is clean." I ruffled Lux's wet blond hair and grinned.

Invidia was still watching me, glancing over at his siblings now and again.

Gula kept splashing the water, she was a bit of a handful. Very energetic. I finished her up and moved onto Acedia, carefully wiping off any dirt in her hair. She was already shaking her head, not liking the feeling of stuff stuck in her hair.

I hear an, "Uuuo…" and turned to see Invidia patting his hands down on Superbia's head. "Awww~ are you trying to help mommy with washing your siblings~?" I squealed. I handed him another clean hand towel. "Here, try this."

He gripped onto the towel when I handed it to him but he just kinda splashed it against the water, raising his arm and then dropping it to slap the towel in front of him. "...well, keep practicing. I'm sure you'll get it eventually."

I moved onto Ira, who was in some sort of kicking fight with Avaritia, the two of them wiggling and weakly slapping at each other. "Am I going to have to separate you two?" I lifted them in my arms and moved them farther from each other. "No hitting each other." I told them sternly. Ira continued kicking her legs. Avaritia whined and reached for my chest, grabbing little handfuls of my skin. "Eep!"

I lifted him a little, so I could put him in my lap for easier cleaning. "It's not feeding time yet. No grabbing my boobs little man." I cupped some water in my hand to pour over his head. I used one hand to hold against his forehead so the water didn't get in his eyes. "Now sit still." He was twisting in place, trying to see and reach for me.

"Bbbb!" I turned my head to see that Vanagloria had slid into the water as they fell over sideways. "Ah!" I lifted her back out, heaving a sigh of relief that her automatic bodily response to hold her breath while submerged had stopped her from breathing in some water. "Ok, gonna have to keep a closer eye on all of you."

I guess having to keep track of eight kids was gonna be a full time job.