"Alright, that's it!" Kensi announced as she stormed into the bullpen and slammed her bag onto her desk. The three men in the room glanced at her in alarm. Since announcing their pregnancy, Kensi's moods had been a little temperamental. "I am never going back to that doctor again."
"Why, what happened?" Deeks asked in concern. He automatically came over to her and she huffed out an annoyed breath.
"She keeps calling me a "geriatric pregnancy"."
"Well, technically you are." Kensi glared at him and he hastily back stepped. "But, she probably could have used a better term."
"And then she keeps telling me all the things that will go wrong with the baby and she's already trying to schedule a c-section. Even though I'm only 4 months pregnant and we're completely healthy," she ranted, shaking her head. Deeks rubbed her back soothingly.
"Well, then we'll find you a new doctor," he said reasonably and she shook her head again.
"No," she said adamantly. "I'm sick of doctors who don't listen to what I say."
"Then what's your plan? It's not like we can have the baby at home."
"Why not?"
"Why-why not?" Deeks repeated, hoping she was joking. They had never seriously talked about a home birth and the thought absolutely terrified him. "Because we're totally not equipped to have a baby in our home." Kensi turned to Callen and Sam, including them in the conversation.
"What do you think?" Sam nodded consideringly.
"Well, home births are getting more popular. But you would have to find a midwife," he said. Looking mischievous, Callen suggested,
"Or, Deeks could just deliver the baby."
"That is hilarious," Deeks said and Kensi turned him, her face lighting up as she grasped both his hands. She grinned at him appealingly. "No, Kensi, that is an absolutely insane idea."
"But it would be perfect. We wouldn't have to deal with any hospitals, doctors, or midwives. And, you would be the first to see our beautiful baby."
"Kens, I've only delivered one baby in my whole life." Ignoring the clear panic in his voice, Kensi grinned, nodding like he'd proved her point.
"Exactly and you did wonderfully," she insisted. "Please, baby."
"And it was also the single most terrifying thing I've ever done," he said, looking to Sam and Callen for support but Sam just smiled and crossed her arms.
"Bringing a new person into the world is life affirming," he said, winking at Deeks.
"Ok, that is so not helpful."
"Hey, man, I'm as involved in this discussion as I want to be. Plus, I never argue with a pregnant woman."
"Thank you," Kensi said, apparently fine with being referred to as a pregnant woman so long as it meant she got what she wanted.
"You should do a water birth," Callen suggested and Deeks stared at him incredulously. Clapping her hands together, Kensi tugged Deeks behind her desk, shoving him into a spare
"C'mon, we need to buy a pool and towels. And probably some kind of tarp too," Kensi said as she pulled up her amazon page on her computer. Groaning, Deeks pressed his palms over his eyes as Kensi started searching for home birth supplies.
"This is such a terrible idea," he said to no one in particular.
"Whatever happens, you'll be fine, Deeks," Sam said reassuringly.
"And if Kensi happens to go into labor while you're at the bar, please do not ask me to help," Callen added.
"Ooh, Amazon has a home birth kit," Kensi said excitedly and Deeks groaned again.
A/N: I just want to clarify that I'm not criticizing the medical field/obgyns and I don't recommend not going to see one. This is all for entertainment purposes.