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MoonStar of ShadowClan: CAKE FOR YOU! VERY BIG CAKE! And Hawkfire's kits... it's a secret. Or perhaps it's mitosis. And the stick rules all.

Covid-20: Harry was Half-Blood, because Lily didn't come from any magical blood.

Middaystars: I agree, Ivypool deserves a horse. That would absolutely make things more chaotic.

vaph26: Oh?

"LISTEN UP, WEENIES!" Hawkfire screeched. "I WANNA LEARN ANOTHER LANGUAGE! ANYONE GOT ANY SUGGESTIONS?!"

"GERMAN!"

"FRENCH!"

"SPANISH!"

"YOUR MOM!"

"Lionblaze, for the love of StarClan, how is that helpful?" Hawkfire glared at him.

Lionblaze shrugged. "I thought it was funny."

Hawkfire flicked her tail. "Goldenwing, have at him."

Goldenwing burst on the scene and began to chase Lionblaze around.

"I WASN'T EVEN TRYING TO STEAL HER CHAPSTICK, WHAT GIVES?!" Lionblaze wailed.

"I don't need to just be protective of my Chapstick, I can also be protective of Hawkfire's ego!" Goldenwing responded, before chasing Lionblaze out of camp.

Hawkfire watched them go and sighed happily. "She's a good friend."

"I'm the wicked wiener!" Bramblestar announced in a fit of giggles.

"Shut up." Hawkfire flicked her tail and Bramblestar disappeared. She sighed contentedly. "What a great power."

"You can't keep doing that." Whitestreak said to her.

"And who's gonna stop me? You?" Hawkfire asked him derisively.

"I'd like to, sometimes, but I know that's no good." Whitestreak sighed.

Hawkfire patted him on the head. "I've taught you well, Padawan."

"Hey, did you guys hear that the Twoleg race is in a Padawan right now?" Commented Ivypool.

Whitestreak stared at her. "What?"

"No, no, 'Padawan' is a Jedi in training, from Star Wars." Rootstar said. "The Twolegs are in a pandemonium." She declared confidently.

"No, that's a state of chaotic confusion. They're…" Hollyleaf paused. "You know what, maybe that's what they are in."

"They're perfectly fine. What they're in is a Panda Express." Lionblaze paused for a moment to say.

"They're not in a chain Chinese restaurant, they're in a panoramic." Goldenwing also paused to say.

"They're not in a wide-view picture, they're in a pantsuit." Graystripe said.

"Whew, it's been a while since we've heard from you, huh?" Cinderheart said. "But they're not in a matching jacket-pants outfit combo- not all of them, anyways. The word is Pantene."

"It's been a while for you, too." Dovewing said. "But they're not… in a hair brand, the word you're thinking of is paramedic."

"They're not…" Lionblaze trailed off. "Wait, Cinderheart, aren't you my wife or something?"

"Oh, wow, I think I am." Cinderheart agreed. "Well, hi, hubby, long time no see. How've you been?"

"Oh, I've been great. You know, just…" he looked behind him, as Goldenwing was creeping up behind him. "Spending a lot of time with my good friend Goldenwing! Isn't that right, Goldenwing?"

"Your husband has been having an emotional affair with Chapstick." Goldenwing told Cinderheart.

Cinderheart gasped. "Lionblaze! Is this true?"

"I- what?" Lionblaze looked exceptionally confused. "This has been going on for a while, how do you not know about this?"

"Lionblaze, we have children!" Cinderheart looked truly perturbed.

"We…" Lionblaze paused. "Wait, we have a child named after strawberry Chapstick! You know this!"

"I absolutely do not!" Cinderheart objected. "I think I would remember having a child named after strawberry Chapstick."

"Then… remember, because you do!"

"I absolutely do not!" Cinderheart argued.

"Yes, you do!" Lionblaze argued. "Goldenwing, help me! You're her godmother!"

"I know nothing of the sort." Goldenwing replied innocently.

Lionblaze threw his paws in the air. "Come on!"

Goldenwing gave an innocent, close-mouthed smile. "Apologies!" She chirped.

Cinderheart was know crying. "So, you're having both an emotional affair with Chapstick and you also had kits with another she-cat and are naming your children after Chapstick?! You are such a weenie!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Lionblaze exclaimed defensively. "That is low! How dare you call me a weenie?!"

"Since when was being called a 'weenie' such a derogatory remark?" Asked Goldenwing. "It's more stupid than anything."

"I DON'T KNOW, BUT I'M MAD ABOUT IT!" Lionblaze yelled.

"You forgot this gal was your mate but now you're upset that she's calling you a weenie. Got it." Goldenwing mewed dismissively.

"JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T REMEMBER DOESN'T MEAN IT DOESN'T HURT!" Lionblaze exclaimed. "I have lived years without remembering this woman but now that I do remember and she doesn't remember certain things which will likely lead to our divorce, I am now hurt! Because I can be!"

Goldenwing rolled her eyes.

"Divorce!" Cinderheart exclaimed. "I forgot that was an option as to how to handle cheating weenies such as yourself!"

"I'm not a cheating weenie! We have a child named after the Chapstick! You have supported my endeavors for years- or simply not cared and faded into the background!" Lionblaze objected.

Cinderheart sniffed. "I did no such thing! I hope you, your Chapstick, and your other she-cat you are having children with are very happy together!"

"THE CHAPSTICK KIT IS YOUR CHILD!" Cried Lionblaze.

"I HAVE NO RECOLLECTION OF THIS!" Cinderheart shrieked.

"Mom!" Declared StrawberryChapstickkit. "It's me!"

Cinderheart gasped as StrawberryChapstickkit came into view. "I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS CHILD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!"

"Not so much a child, it's been years." Lionblaze pointed out.

"NONSENSE!"

"Well, maybe we should go to court and let a judge decide!" Lionblaze exclaimed.

"Why would you want to go to court?" Goldenwing asked. "Nothing good ever comes to you when you go to court."

"Look, I know last time was chaotic, but I've got it down now. I need to delegate. So I'm only gonna be half of the characters in the courtroom now." Lionblaze said. "Heck, you can be judge this time!"

Goldenwing blinked, surprised. "Really? You want that?"

"Sure!" Lionblaze said cheerfully. "What could go wrong?"

"Guilty." Goldenwing declared, smacking her gavel.

"I KNEW IT!" Screeched Cinderheart.

"What am I guilty of?!" Exclaimed Lionblaze. "We haven't even started the trial!"

It was true. They just got to the courtroom, got in position, and Goldenwing declared "guilty" without any evidence or witnesses.

"You're guilty of having a kit Cinderheart didn't know about." Goldenwing replied.

"It's her kit! If you took a DNA test, you'd see that!"

"Well, we're cats, we're not that advanced. Jayfeather, is it possible to do a DNA test?" Goldenwing asked.

Jayfeather was there as an expert witness.

Jayfeather shrugged. "I mean… I probably could, but why would I want to?"

"Jayfeather!" Lionblaze glared at his brother.

Goldenwing shrugged. "That's as sound logic as anything. Guilty."

"HA!" Cinderheart exclaimed. "Now, divorce!"

"It's your child, you knew about the Chapstick, on what grounds are we getting divorced?!"

"…IRRECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES!" Cinderheart exclaimed. "I don't know of any other reason to get divorced but that, so, here we are."

"Good plan." Goldenwing said encouragingly.

"JAYFEATHER, I'LL DO THIS TEST!" Declared Lionblaze. "How do you take a DNA test?"

Jayfeather shrugged. "I dunno."

"JAYFEATHER!"

Jayfeather shrugged again.

"WHERE'S BRIARLIGHT?!" Lionblaze snapped.

"Busy." Jayfeather responded.

"With what?!"

"I don't know."

"RRAAAGHHH!" Lionblaze stomped out of the courtroom.

Goldenwing looked surprised. "I believe that would be 'contempt of court', but I'm not sure."

"Well, do something about it, I want my divorce and I want it now!" Cinderheart declared.

Goldenwing shrugged. "But I really like it up here. I feel powerful."

So they waited a really long time before Lionblaze came back, waving a sheet of paper. "HA!" He yelled. "I have the evidence that StrawberryChapstickkit is Cinderheart's!"

"Give me that." Cinderheart snatched the paper. "LIES!" She tore it up.

"HA!" Lionblaze exclaimed. "I knew you were gonna do that, so I made copies!" He handed the next copy to Goldenwing.

"Well, I'll be." Goldenwing said. "It's right there."

"I still want a divorce. The science lies." Cinderheart declared.

"No, it doesn't, but who am I to stop you?" Goldenwing smacked her gavel again. "Divorce granted!"

"You can't do that! There's things to be done! Assets to be divided! Custody agreements! Papers to be signed!" Lionblaze retorted.

"Okay, Lionblaze, you get the kits, Cinderheart gets your immortality."

"I'm not immortal anymore! And I can't just give immortality!"

Cinderheart pouted. "Well, then, you know what, we'll just stay married until you figure out a way to give me your immortality!"

"I can't-" Lionblaze cut himself off. "You know what? That's fine."

So they lived happily ever after.

With Cinderheart repeatedly nagging Lionblaze to give her the immortality that he no longer has.