Chapter 188
Laetitia was sitting somewhere alone. After she captured Arcann, she really wanted to be alone. She couldn't believe that Ahsoka and Luke actually suggested to forgive him.
How could she? Even if he hadn't killed Thexan, he still held her captive and tortured her for 3 long years. Every scar she had on her body was either a masterpiece of his work or his father's ... How could she even think of forgiving him?
"Luke was right."
Leah almost jumped up from the sudden voice. She was so on edge that she immediately grabbed the knife hidden in her boot and threw it at the person ... Luckily, it wasn't a person at all.
The knife passed right through Qui-gon's ghost. Leah gasped when she saw it was him. She couldn't believe she did that.
"I'm sorry. I ... I shouldn't have appeared like that." Qui-gon sincerely apologized.
Leah took a minute to pull herself together. That was the effect of being jumped too many times, especially since the last one by Dark Jedi Hett. That really shook her up.
"No, I'm ... I'm sorry. I'm a bit on edge." She stuttered tiredly.
Even if she wasn't almost killed by that Dark Jedi, she was under the same 'roof' as Arcann. The monster who killed her husband and tortured her for 3 years. She was losing control of her very dangerous rage ... And that was scaring her.
"You said Luke was right. He's usually annoying like that ... But about what, specifically?" Leah went back to the point.
Qui-gon got the message that she didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to press her ... especially in her condition. She had been through more than enough for a pregnant woman.
"You can forgive Arcann if you want to."
Leah frowned in insult and alarm when she heard that. Why did everyone keep telling her that? She didn't want to forgive that animal. When she hadn't forgiven her father for killing her mother, even though it wasn't directly done by him ... How could she even think to forgive someone she didn't even love for a second in the past?
She just looked away, angry frown not leaving her face. She didn't say anything and kept quiet. She wanted to talk as less as possible. She wasn't in the mood. Qui-gon only took that as a sign to continue. At least she wasn't yelling at him to get out, which was good.
"Look, forgiveness is a powerful thing, Leah. Not only to make the other person feel good, but to heal you. I'm not saying you should like him, because he has done a lot of things to you. I am not denying that ... But even you have to admit that he has changed. He is no longer the same person he was when he." He stated.
Leah sighed as she deepened her frown. It wasn't because he was wrong ... It was the opposite. She could feel in the Force, and see it with her own eyes, that Arcann was a different person that he was 2 months ago ... And that feeling scared her.
"You should forgive him. Forgive him for not being Thexan, even though he looks like him. Forgive him for being the manipulated Palpatine ... Just enough to remind you of what you're missing, not enough to bring him back. You need to forgive him. Otherwise, you'll be lost in your own hatred." Qui-gon warned her softly.
"It's not his fault Thexan is dead. He would have died one way or another, but that's how Sidious planned it to be. He wanted Arcann to kill Thexan. He wanted to get rid of both his sons at the same time. If you kill him, you're doing exactly what Sidious wants. Do not give him that satisfaction. He does not get to have every horrible thing he demands to have." He bitterly said.
Leah sighed deeply. She knew he was right. She had actually thought of that herself. That was so like Palpatine ... But being a parent now, she couldn't understand how a father would want both of his children dead ... Even if that 'father' was Darth Sidious.
"What he did ... It was a moment of anger. Haven't you ever done anything when using the dark side?" He asked with a hint in his tone.
Leah didn't say anything. She didn't even have the energy to be mad at him. How could throw the things she told him at her face? He was supposed to be on her side ... Not his or anyone else'. Especially Arcann, of all people.
"You don't have to like him. You definitely don't have to love him ... But forgive him, okay? So you can forgive Vader for being the person Thexan decided to protect, but it cost you your husband. To forgive Thexan for dying too soon ... And, finally, to forgive yourself ... for leaving him behind and hating him for dying too soon." He told her quietly in sadness.
This time, Leah let out a shaky exhale as she fell on the ground, crying. That was true ... She did hate Thexan for breaking her promise ... And she hated herself for hating him. Qui-gon smiled sadly. She was truly broken because of Thexan.
Their love for each other was killing them.
"Let it go, and forgive. That's how the Gray Jedi protect themselves when they are too close to falling to the darkness." He softly stated.
After Qui-gon talked Laetitia into forgiving Arcann, she had another 'talk' with the worst person to have tis talk with.
Senya.
After Thexan died because of Arcann, Senya forgave Leah immediately. She didn't have the thought to blame her in the first place. She saw how much Thexan loved her, so how could he do that? She also saw how broken Leah was because of what she had done, which was a more-than-enough punishment.
She decided to stay in the Base with the Rebels to honor what Thexan started. Her son was gone, but he could still respect him ... Which was the only thing he could do.
Leah didn't let it become known that she had captured Arcann, but Senya found out somehow. She ran to Leah and begged her to spare her son.
"Leah, I understand what he's done, why you hate him. I know what he did to Thexan, to you, and to your unborn child. Arcann is a monster, but he is different from his father. I can feel the light in him ... I know what I'm asking is a lot. If he was anyone else, I would have killed him myself ... But what kind of a mother would I be if I killed my son? I've already abandoned him once. I cannot do it again."
Leah didn't have any special feeling about Senya's speech when she told her that. But after, it just made her more confused. She hated feeling like that. She couldn't believe she was feeling this way because of that animal.
Was there really any light left in Arcann? That is, if there was any light in him to begin with? Was that light enough to bring him back? ... Was that enough for Leah to forgive him? Considering every horrible thing he had done.
Leah sighed heavily as she kneeled on the ground. She kept staring that her lightsabers, which she placed in front of her. She was reaching out to the Force for answer ... for him. She needed him now more than ever.
When Luke slowly and quietly came in, she noticed him immediately. She didn't look at him and just kept doing what she was doing. He sat on the ground with her, curious and surprised to what she was doing. That wasn't like her.
"Since when do you meditate?" He asked when he couldn't hold in his curiosity.
"I'm not meditating." She simply replied.
"Or reach out to the Force for the answers. Whatever. I thought you didn't believe in it."
"I don't, and I'm not reaching out to the Force."
"Well, you talk to your brain and heart at the same time." He stated in confusion.
"I'm talking to Thexan." She bluntly said.
Luke blinked in surprise and sadness. Now it made sense. She was reaching out in the Force to find her husband. That's how desperate she was for answers. When he heard what Leah was trying to do, his heart ached for his sister. She deserved better than this.
"Or at least, I'm trying to. He's not showing up. He's never showed up." Leah bitterly muttered.
"Oh ... Okay. I'll leave you to it." He said.
He could hear it in her voice that she really wanted to be left alone with her efforts to talk to her husband. Of course, that was the last thing she should be at the moment, but Luke respected what she wanted.
He started to stand up, but Leah's voice stopped him.
"I am trying ... I tried to rise again. I tried to forgive Arcann. I tried to be okay. I ... tried to be okay with forgiving him ... but I just ... don't think I can." She cried out quietly.
"I thought he might know what I'm supposed to do with him. He always had an answer for everything. Maybe he could tell me what he saw in him that he thought it was worth dying over ..." She trailed off bitterly.
She felt bad because she was mad at Thexan. She couldn't understand him. She loved him for being the man he was ... and hated him at the same time. This was exactly why she distanced herself from him in the beginning.
She didn't want to feel this conflicted.
"I have no idea what to do with him. If it's up to me, I'll grab my lightsaber right now and rip him to bits!" She muttered angrily.
"Then what's stopping you?" Luke asked, to which Leah replied with a shaky exhale.
"Thexan ... He didn't want to kill his brother. He loved him ... enough to die for him. I can't say I respect him or act like I love him if I kill what he died to protect ... It's an insult to his memory." She sadly stated.
Luke didn't say anything and just stayed by her side. He could feel the love and hatred in her voice without even touching the Force.
"I don't know what to do with my 'brother-in-law', so I'm trying to ask my jerk husband ... But he's not showing up. He's a no-show."
"That's because he knows you. He knows your heart, and trusts that whatever decision you make will be the right one." Luke softly said, meaning every word he said.
Leah held in her tears as he head dropped. That was true ... But she didn't want to be in that position. She needed help ... but he was nowhere to be found. He left her alone to deal with this. With him. With his brother ...
When she didn't want to be put into that position at all in the first place.
"God, he's an ass." She cried out quietly as she sobbed.
Luke smiled and shook his head in agreement. His sister needed support, and he had no idea how to give that to her. So he just put his arm around her shoulders, trying to calm her down.
"I know."
Arcann was sitting in a 'cell' with no energy or will left in his body. He had been injected with Ysalamir's blood, and he was cuffed with 4 Force-restrains on him. He was chained to the ground with Rex pointing his blaster at him.
He knew that if he made one wrong move, Rex would drop him immediately. He didn't need to the Force to feel the hatred from him. It was clear that Rex had a special bond with Laetitia and Thexan.
They both suddenly jumped up when the door opened. A very tired and cold Leah came it, with no emotions written on her face. She felt cold from being cold.
"Rex, can you give us a minute?" She asked the old Clone Trooper.
Rex wanted to protest, but the numb look on Leah's face was so painful that he was convinced to just do as she wanted.
Once they were alone, neither Laetitia or Arcann said a word. They just kept glaring each other. The room was filled with a very tensed silence and cold temperature. Leah could feel the call of the dark side now more than ever ... It was taking all her strength to not do anything.
"You come here to kill me?" He broke the silence.
"No." Leah gritted through her teeth.
"Why not? I deserve this! You want this!" Arcann encouraged her to kill him.
Leah responded with an angry chuckle, making it clear that she wanted to kill him.
"Oh, trust me. I do ... so much! ... But I won't, because I made a promise." She said coldly.
"A promise to who? Yourself?"
"To Thexan ... I promised him that I would never kill you, unless I absolutely have to." She said with frustrated tears in her eyes.
Arcann didn't know what to say to that. Leah obviously wanted to kill him. He didn't need the Force to tell him that ... But he loved Thexan enough to respect his wishes ... even though it was clearly not what she wanted.
"Well, he's not here. So what the hell does he have to do with this? You're in some sort of trust circle with you dead boyfriend?" He taunted her.
"'Dead husband'." She corrected him coldly.
"God, Skywalker! You are the most loyal person I have ever met ... to everyone but yourself. You're loyal to some dead man, dead in the Force."
"Yes, I am." Leah proudly said.
"When you are right here! Thexan left you. You're here! So forget about your promise to him, and just do what you want to do ... This is the least you can do for me. We're somewhat a family." He stated.
Leah scoffed angrily. How dared he actually say that to her? Was he actually crazy? Did he have a death wish?
"You are NOT my family. You are Thexan's brother, and Thexan is gone." She angrily stated.
"Along with the long list of reasons, isn't that why you hate me? Not because I took him from you, but ... 'cause I remind you of him?" He asked.
It took Leah all her strength to not punch him in the face for that ... because he was right. She hated that Arcann had the same face as her dear husband. She hated having to look at that face, but not see and have the man she loved.
That was the real torture.
"You are nothing like him. Don't you get it, Arcann? You are nothing. You may have the same face as Thexan, but you're not even half the man he was. Trust me, even an idiot thinks so."
Arcann didn't need a reminder. He knew she was right ... Thexan was always a better man than he was. A better son, a better Sith, a better person ... He was the best at everything.
"Doesn't it help you to hate me? I am the reason he is gone. I took him from you. I killed him!" He taunted her, encouraging her to kill him.
"I am asking you not to push me." She sincerely begged, but Arcann kept on.
"I really hope I'm not like your father. Something you cling onto keep the memory of the person, who is no longer there, alive."
"You are sick." She hissed back at him, disgusted with what he was trying to do.
"You wrap him around you like some sick twisted dog ... The Widow Skywalker! She's okay. She's moving on. She'll never love again, but she's holding it together ... That is a BUNCH of crap! You have given up. You are crawling into your little hole, and slowly dying away. You are hollow ... and Thexan would be sick to see you right now! He would be disgusted ... He would question his love for you." He gritted through his teeth.
Leah fisted her hands in anger and struggle. He really had a death wish. That was the reason why he was pushing her this hard. She just held it in. She was under so much pressure that her left hand was bleeding because the nails were ripping through the skin.
But when she heard the last sentence ... At the mention of Thexan's name, Leah completely lost it. She released all her anger to stop herself from killing him. But she couldn't not hurt him. She punched him in the face. It was so strong that his broken nose was bleeding.
Arcann grunted inaudibly as he fell on the ground. Leah hated that she was feeling pleasure from his pain. She hated herself for feeling this way ... This dark.
She just ran to the door to get out and get away from him.
"Just kill me! ... Please." Arcann begged quietly, crying ... but Leah was already gone.
Done :)