189.

The twins escaped the bedroom where Sarah had been attempting to get them to calm down and go to sleep. She read five stories, and the last one featured a circus marching band, so Maggie and Wyatt jumped up and started marching first on the bed, then around the room, and, finally, down the hall. Sarah admonished them for making noise and potentially disturbing Sofia, so they hissed "shhhhh" and quiet-marched downstairs. Noah, ever on the alert, heard them from the porch and came inside. "Babies!" He said, "It's bedtime! Even for me! I have camp!"

"Qui'march, No!" Wyatt whispered. "High step, boom!" He pretended to bang an invisible bass drum attached to his body.

Noah glanced at Sarah and Caroline. This was a problem. He was used to Maggie resisting bedtime, but Wyatt was always compliant, er, almost always.

"Noey, go to bed," Sarah said. "I'll handle these two."

"I don't think you can handle them Sare Bear," he replied.

"Okay, Grandma, you handle them. I'll tuck Noey." Sarah took Noah's hand and they went back upstairs, leaving Caroline to lead the drumline around the kitchen and onto the back porch.

"Sare Bear, where are those babies gonna sleep?"

"They can sleep with me."

"Alright," Noah sighed. He pushed open the bedroom door and crawled under the covers. He found Maggie's baby and Wyatt's tiger and handed them over. "Here," he said, "They're not gonna sleep without these."

"Thanks, Noey." Sarah kissed him on the head and wedged the covers under his body, "There. You look like a mummy. Night night. Love you."

"Love you."

Sarah closed the bedroom door and went back downstairs. The twins were no closer to being ready for bed, so she suggested they watch a movie. "What do you want? Mary Poppins? Cars? Nemo? Dory?"

"MULAN!" Maggie said.

Wyatt agreed. "Mu-LAN, Mu-LAN," he chanted and continued marching. Adorably, he shushed himself when he realized he was getting a little too loud. "Gramma I si'wi'you?" He asked as he made his way back around the couch.

"Yes dearie," Caroline said, "You sit with me. Tell me about Mulan."

"Mu'an saves da daddy," Wyatt explained. Like his mother and sister, he swooped his arms back and forth in front of him when he talked. Caroline listened intently to his description and sound effects and noted he was wearing appropriate pajamas. Wyatt looked down. "Dese su'heroes," he said.

"Mulan's a superhero it sounds like," Caroline replied.

Wyatt tugged at his shirt, "No Mu'an!"

Caroline turned him around, making a big deal about inspecting his pajamas. "Ope! I found her!" She poked the center of Wyatt's back, "Right here!"

"Where?" Wyatt strained but it was impossible to see where Caroline was pointing.

"Here," Caroline poked again and chuckled. "You can see tomorrow morning. Let's watch this Mulan character."

"Grandma, that is so mean," Sarah said.

"I'll buy him some Mulan PJs," Caroline retorted.

"I'm sure Daddy'll love that."

Caroline screwed up her face, "It's the twenty-first century Sarah," she snapped, "Get with it. He can have Mulan pajamas if he wants."

"Okayyyy," Sarah grinned, "You tell Daddy that."

Caroline smugly cuddled Wyatt. "I will."

….

The house was dark save for one living room lamp when Ed and Olivia arrived back home. They found Sarah and Maggie asleep on the couch and the television stuck on the Netflix home screen. Remnants of the evening-popcorn bowls, crumpled juice boxes, and an assortment of toys were strewn around on the side tables and the floor.

Ed stood over the sofa and peered lovingly at Maggie and Sarah. "I don't want to move them," he whispered.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his shoulder, "We can't leave them here all night," she said.

"Sure we can."

Olivia kissed Ed's skin just behind his ear. "It would be better if everyone was in their beds," she said suggestively.

Ed smirked. "You're right." He lifted Maggie into his arms, which wasn't an easy task since she was wedged between the couch cushions and Sarah's body. Her absence, though, caused Sarah to stir. "We're back," Ed said gently.

"Oh, uh," Sarah rubbed her eyes and stretched, "Hey, um, I'm so sorry."

Confused, Ed and Olivia asked what she meant.

"Oh," Sarah said, "You haven't been upstairs."

"What's upstairs?"

"Uh...well...Noah woke up and came downstairs and saw Maggie and Wyatt still awake and they refused to go to bed, so Noah said they could all sleep in the big bed and finish watching a movie and Grandma and me said okay."

"And Maggie?"

"Noah asked me to take her. She was hyper."

Ed leaned in and whispered to Olivia, "I'll take Maggs up."

Olivia nodded and watched him walk up the stairs with their daughter asleep on his shoulder. He held her with one arm-both effortless and dutiful-and he leaned his head against hers, most likely soaking up the scent of baby shampoo and the lingering sugary snacks Maggie had undoubtedly been allowed to consume all night long.

"Did you have a good time, Livvie?" Sarah asked.

"We did. Delicious meal, dancing, the band was fantastic. You'll have to have Justin take you if they have a night like that again. Although, I think your Dad wants to join."

"A country club?"

"Yes and, I know, we're not exactly country club people. But this one seemed down to earth and the people were nice. Although, they probably were like us, not members. Tonight, we fit in."

Sarah sat up, stretched, and yawned. "Do you want me to get Wyatt and Noah?"

"No," Olivia started folding the blankets and draped them over the back of the couch, "We'll take care of them. Go to bed. See you in the morning."

"Kay."

"Thanks again, sweetie."

"No problemo."

Ed passed Sarah on the way down and brushed off her second apology about Wyatt and Noah sleeping in the master bedroom. He waited until he heard Sarah's door close and put his arms around Olivia. "I want to dance with you more."

"Okay," she whispered into his neck and let her body be almost totally supported by his grip.

When Ed held her like this she felt weightless. Closing her eyes, she rested her head under his chin and let him sway her back and forth in semicircles. It could have been ten minutes, it could have been an hour, Olivia had no idea, but as she and Ed danced to no music she felt his heartbeat, his chest rise and fall, and she summoned her most favorite memories of their life together. It was almost an out of body experience, she saw herself there, glued to Ed, her husband, the two of them owners of a coastal home most people only dreamed about, their children asleep upstairs, and no semblance of any pain, trauma, or heartache. She thought about her love for Sarah and Brooke, Justin and Sonny, Caroline, and she pictured G, the beleaguered neighbor turned babysitter turned friend and wished she could see this, right now, how it was possible to emerge from the depths of hell and loneliness and end up with...this.

"Still awake?" Ed eventually asked.

"Barely."

"Let's go to bed."

"Yeah," Olivia dragged her eyelids open. "Is there room for us with the boys there? Or did you move them?"

"I didn't have the heart to do it," Ed replied, "Wait til you see."

"Is there room for us?"

"A little."

Olivia grinned and kissed his cheek, "Not exactly the end of the night you planned, right?"

"We have a lotta nights ahead of us," Ed replied, "And a limited number of them involve kids wanting to sleep in our bed."

"Great point." Olivia played with a few strands of Ed's hair which he hadn't cut in a while. "This was one of the best nights we've had," she said, "I hope we can do it again before the summer's over. The food, the band, the setting...it was all so nice. I loved it."

When Ed first started seriously dating Olivia, he quickly realized he'd seen her cry before he'd witnessed a genuine laugh, and it was baffling to know she was more comfortable shedding tears in front of him than laughing hysterically. When she finally began to laugh, to gush about Noah or about a meal they had or another outing they enjoyed together, it was exhilarating. And he felt the same way now seeing her face light up and her eyes sparkle, he got all he needed out of life just making her happy.

"We'll do it again," he said. "I'll keep an eye out for another one."

"Mmmm," Olivia nuzzled Ed's neck, "I can't wait."

"Hey," Ed made sure to make eye contact.

"Hmm?"

"I never thought I'd be so happy."

"Funny," Olivia gave him a peck on the lips, "I was just thinking the same thing."

…..

In the apartment, Olivia gingerly removed the parka, handed it back to Ed, and thanked him. She asked if he wanted anything to drink or eat and then heaved a huge, sheepish sigh. This was not a social call. She'd very nearly gotten herself killed, she'd perhaps exposed her extracurricular relationship with Ed Tucker, and, well, the latter she did not care about at the moment. He was here and she did not want him to leave. She ducked into her bedroom to change and returned, clad in sweats, to find him sitting on the sofa and appreciated him making himself at home so she didn't have to ask him to.

"When's Noah getting back?" He asked.

"I asked Lucy to keep him at her place until I called," she said, "I, um, it sounds terrible, but I almost want to wait until he's asleep...I don't want him to see me like this. But I guess he's going to have to...eventually"

Ed checked his watch. "Prolly at least a couple hours until he's asleep, huh?"

Olivia nodded. Tears burned her eyes.

"Hey," Ed wrapped his arms around her. "C'mere."

Goddamn he loved her. He hated how her life trended toward occasional, life-altering peril. He hated they weren't closer, that he couldn't stay with her all night and all day tomorrow, and would she even want him there anyway?

"Ed...I...Noah needs to come home. Can you...would you mind...putting him to bed for me? I want to see him so badly, but I look horrible. I'll scare him. And I'll sleep with ice on my face if I have to but I'll look better in the morning. I just can't...no...he can't see this," she gestured toward her face, "Before he sleeps."

"Sure," he said immediately. "I'll do the stories, the songs, whatever."

Olivia managed a smile, "You know the routine."

"I've had two."

"He can...bring him in to say goodnight, but I'm not turning on the light. I can't do it."

"Okay," he brushed a few strands of her hair off her forehead. He stared at her, unable to decide whether or not to try and kiss her. She didn't move. Her hands gripped his forearms. She was got up and brought her bag over. "Wanna let Lucy know she can bring him back? And that I'm here?"

"Yes," she said. "Thank you."

Ed sat back down next to her.

"Seriously," She squeezed his forearm again, "Thank you."

…..

The Day Camp staff consisted of mostly older teenagers and a few twenty-somethings who functioned as the outfit's CEOs. On the first day, they checked in the children at tables organized by age and alphabet and presented each camper with a lanyard, an ID, and five shirts-one color for each day.

"Here ya go, Mommy," Noah said, "T'day's yellow."

"Got it." Olivia tried to keep an eye on Noah and on the twins, who were with Ed but wandering over to a very carnival-esque three-year-old check-in area. There was a young man making balloon art and another person twirling a hula hoop and passing out what looked to be some sort of coupon.

One of the leaders announced it was time to divvy up into their groups, and Noah trotted off, giving his mom a little wave as he marched away with the thirty or so kids. Ed jogged over with the twins who kept twisting their bodies back toward the toddler check-in area. "Hey, Liv," he said, "They have a few spots left over there for Maggs and Wyatt if we want 'em. It's only two hours." He saw Olivia's face contort and twist and it appeared she was attempting to hold back tears. "There's a coffee shop across the street," he added, "We could wait there."

Wyatt was holding Ed's hand with both of his, but his eyes were trained on the other kids his age. They were forming one large circle and starting the day with jumping jacks and stretches. Clearly interested, Wyatt smiled and started mimicking the movements. Maggie giggled and attempted her own jumping jacks.

Initially, Olivia's heart sank. She watched her babies and remembered carrying them, worrying every second about her very high risk pregnancy, and then the immense relief and love that accompanied their births. She could still feel their little infant bodies and see them smack their lips and smile and wiggle their arms and legs. It had been easy, when they were babies, to think they would stay that way forever. But then their first birthday arrived, then the second, and now they were transitioning from toddlerhood to full-fledged little kids who wanted to go and play with the other kids for a couple of hours. Why was this so hard? She'd sent Noah to day care and endured his first days of preschool and Kindergarten. Shouldn't she be an old pro by now?

"I, um, well-"

"Si'says!" Wyatt pointed to the group. They were done with their warm-up calisthenics and were now playing Simon Says, a game Wyatt easily recognized even from a half a football field away.

"Do you want to play with the other kids?" Olivia asked.

"We c'go pay Si'says!" Wyatt brightly replied. He sounded eerily like Noah when he was suggesting an activity subject to a "no" from the parents.

Ed glanced at his watch. "Now it's only an hour and fifty minutes," he said at the risk of being insensitive. He understood Olivia's reluctance, but, at the same time, he saw no problem or danger in letting the twins participate. "All the staff are early childhood education majors," he added reassuringly, "And they have a live stream."

"They do?"

"Yeah."

Olivia chuckled, "Then I'm not the only overprotective one."

"Nope." Ed jerked his head back toward the check-in area, "C'mon. Let's give it a try."

"Okay." She took a deep breath and picked Maggie up. "You want to go to day camp like Noah, sweet girl?"

"G'go over dere inna circle!" Maggie pointed furiously.

"Yes," Olivia said, "You can go over there. C'mon, let's get you and your brother signed up."

"Where m'lu'box, Mama?"

"You're going to have lunch with me and Daddy. The big kids have lunch here."

"I a BI'KID!"

Olivia tugged at one of Maggie's pigtails and pressed her forehead to hers. "Not yet, honey," she said, "You're still Mommy's little girl for a little while longer."

Maggie played with Olivia's necklace, "You c'to camp, Mama?"

"No, honey," Olivia replied, "You and Wyatt are going to go. Daddy and Mommy will come back and get you when you're done playing. Then we'll have lunch, we'll get Noah, and then we'll go to the beach, okay?"

"Kay!"

Maggie squirmed down and ran ahead with Wyatt. Ed was already pulling his wallet out of his pocket and paying the twins' registration fees. Within minutes, the twins were the newest campers and were sporting the yellow t-shirt of the day. Ed and Olivia walked them to the circle where they were greeted as if they were old friends and immediately brought into the fold. The next game involved stepping through a hula hoop. Maggie and Wyatt both jump-stepped through, clapped their hands, and laughed. Ed and Olivia inched away hand-in-hand and walked across the street to the eclectic cafe.

Olivia put her phone on the table and propped it against the tub of sugar packets so she wouldn't miss any notifications. "It is a gorgeous day for camp," she said, grinning at Ed as if she didn't have a care in the world.

"Yes it is," he replied with a goofy smirk.

"What?"

"Nothin, well, at the risk of bein' condescending…"

"Uh-oh," Olivia groaned playfully and waved her hands in the air, "C'mon, out with it."

"I'm proud of you."

Olivia sat back in her chair and tapped the armrests. "Thanks," she said, "I'm proud of myself. Good prep for preschool."

"And not even then does Maggie get a lunchbox."

"Poor thing," Olivia said, joking along with him, "Those big kids get all the perks."

….

The day before Maggie's study abroad strip was set to commence, Olivia sat with Maggie in her room as the teenager organized her suitcase and carryon. The backpack seemed underpacked for an international flight, but when Olivia realized the reason why, she chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Maggie frowned and looked at her suitcase. Her clothes were folded and stacked neatly. She'd made sure to include a couple of dresses and a pair of cute but uncomfortable sandals for the formal dinners on the schedule. If her mother's laugh was a form of criticism, she couldn't figure out why.

"I asked myself, for a second, where all your books were," Olivia motioned toward the backpack, "And then realized they're all electronic. Makes traveling like this far more convenient. I remember a couple of people I knew in college who studied abroad and they had so many books...they had to ship them."

Maggie smiled. She couldn't fathom such a heavy physical bookload, for she had grown up in an era where online materials were the rule rather than the exception. The other part of her mother's response was far more interesting. "How come you never studied abroad?" She asked.

Olivia leaned back on her elbows and regarded the question solemnly. "Well...I suppose I was always focused on being independent. Finishing high school. Finishing college. Finishing the Academy. A detour like studying abroad just never seemed like it fit into my plan."

Maggie considered this as she tossed a few final, random items into her suitcase. She picked up her flat iron, held it in front of her face, and frowned. "I think this can stay here," she murmured.

Olivia silently agreed. Maggie had never been one to spend much time on her hair or makeup. Even when her middle school friends began experimenting with mascara and lipstick, Maggie refused to bow to peer pressure. Olivia suspected her daughter was probably an object of a little jealousy, for she had such naturally striking features-dark lashes contrasted with her blue eyes, high, rigid cheekbones were softened by her dazzling smile-it was unnecessary to artificially enhance any of it.

"Do you wish you would've done something not in the plan?"

"I used to, but, I don't know now. My life could have been different. Maybe in a good way, but maybe not. So I don't worry about what I could've done differently. I haven't for a long time."

Maggie made an exaggerated show of neatening the contents of her luggage even though it was unnecessary. She bit her lip. Olivia could tell she was apprehensive about what she was going to say next.

"Thank you for letting me go," Maggie said softly and finally looked her mother in the eye. "I know you don't want me to."

Ouch. That second sentence broke Olivia's heart.

"Honey," she said, "It was never a question of me wanting you to go. I want you to go out and find and enjoy and explore all the world has to offer. I want that for your brothers, too. The thing is, I never want you away from me and your Dad. I never have. We even stopped sending you and Wyatt to daycare when you were around a year old because we wanted to be with you all the time. Maybe it was wrong to do it, but we were, and still are, a little selfish with you and your brothers. But I know we can't keep you locked up in here with us forever."

Maggie laughed. "I promise I'll check in every day."

"Thank you. I appreciate that. Your Dad does, too, even though he tries to act like he's tougher than I am."

"He's not."

Olivia stood up and hugged her daughter. "I love you so much, sweet girl. And I hope you have an amazing time. Just remember-stay with your friends, follow the rules…." Olivia grinned, "You know, that kind of thing."

"I will, Mom."

"I trust you, honey."

"Thank you."

"But I'll miss you terribly."

Maggie giggled. The statement seemed silly to her because she was quite certain Olivia missed her if she made a quick errand to the bodega and she would be living thousands of miles away for a month, but she appreciated her mother attempting to be lighthearted about it all.

"I'll miss you, too, Mom."

Maggie's voice hitched a bit.

"Okay," Olivia said brightly, fighting her own emotions. "What do you want to do tonight? Completely up to you."

"I'm not sure…"

"Think about it," Olivia said, "The world traveler gets to make all the calls tonight." She winked and started toward the door. "And I think you're all set," she said of the suitcase.

Maggie grinned. She had felt herself obsessing a bit over last minute details and her mother, in one short sentence, set her at ease. "Thanks Mom," she said sweetly.

Olivia turned around and smiled a proud, grateful, loving smile. "You're welcome," she said with a wink, "Oh, and, make sure you save room for our souvenirs."

"I will."

…..

Before Sarah, Brooke, and Caroline could ask what had taken Ed and Olivia so long (they'd planned to drop Noah and come back home), Maggie and Wyatt came rushing through the house and onto the back porch proudly holding the day's prized possessions and sporting painted faces.

"Pa'airpane!" Wyatt sent his airplane forward and it glided for a few seconds before nosediving into the yard.

"Lookit my face!" Maggie said. She gently touched her cheek, "S'a bu'fly!"

The girls and Caroline complimented the twins on their airplanes and decorated faces and looked up at Ed and Olivia for further explanation. Ed shrugged and explained the openings, the short duration, and the live stream, which he and Olivia resisted watching until the last ten minutes of the day and then cracked up at the adorable sight of twenty three-year-olds working together to clean up their art area under the direction of the camp counselors.

"Now, Noah," Caroline said, "It sounds like these babies did nothing but goof off all day! What did you do?"

"Oh, we didn't goof off," Noah said in his most serious voice. His eyes grew wider and wider as he continued, "We had to work t'gether to build a tower with straws and tape. And we started two projects! One is a catapult and da other is science. Then we did some kickball and after lunch we did interviews."

"Interviews?"

"Uh-huh! Cause we're all strangers but we're not now 'cause we intr'duced our partner to everyone!"

"Sheesh," Sarah said, "That's a jam packed day."

"No kidding," Brooke added, "When I heard day camp I totally expected something more along the lines of what the twins are doing. But," she grinned, "It's great you let them go!"

Olivia smiled and nodded, "It was tough for a few minutes, but they were so eager."

Caroline patted Olivia's arm on her way inside, "It's horrible sending your babies out into the world on their own for the first time," she said, "but you just wait. In a couple years you'll be like I was. Shoving them out of the door and locking it until the street lights come on!"

"Omigod, Grandma, that's horrible!" Sarah said.

Ed shrugged, "From what I recall, it's true."

"Oh honey."

Olivia gave him a kiss on the cheek and followed Caroline inside, aiming to clean out Noah's lunchbox and get the kids' beach things ready. She found her mother-in-law hunched over the kitchen sink, wincing and gasping for breath.

"Caroline! What's wrong?"

"I'm fine, dearie." Her voice was labored and strained. She winced and stood up straight. "Never get old, your body starts falling apart."

"What is it?"

"Back," Caroline said, "Back spasm. I'm okay now. It's passing. Nothing a Tylenol and a little cocktail won't fix."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, honey. I'm sure. Fit as a fiddle."

Olivia carefully eyed Caroline as she found the medicine bottle, swallowed two pills without water, and opened the cabinet where they stored the vodka. Her movements were slower than normal, but she seemed to be breathing normally and she was in her eighties. An occasional back spasm shouldn't have been cause for concern, but that, coupled with the increased coughing and fatigue was beginning to add up and worry Olivia. Nevertheless, she didn't pester Caroline any further.

….

#Tuckson