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Weiss was such a good mother. She doted on Garnet like she gave birth to her. And of course she loved Nebel with all her heart. It made me wonder whether she just genuinely didn't see a difference between the babies I had given birth to and the babies she was going to have given birth to. It made me hesitate sometimes the way she would take charge and feed Garnet even though Garnet was the rougher of the two infants when it came to breastfeeding.

It wasn't her fault. She was just so energetic. She was so feisty and full of giggling little life.

But anyways it made me think about whether I was doing as good as she was at loving on them equally. Obviously Garnet held a special place in my heart because I had carried her but Weiss seemed to be above even that when it came to loving on our babies. I wasn't sure how she did it but she acted truly ignorant of such petty concerns as who carried which baby. And I was a little jealous of that because I couldn't be quite sure I was shaking it as well as she was when it came to loving Nebel. And I loved Nebel. But it was just different I think. And maybe it was different for her and Garnet too but Weiss just acted… I don't know. She just had it. She just had being a good mother to both Garnet and Nebel down to a science and I did not. My love was imprecise and all over the place. It was hard to determine whether I was really up for the task of loving them both equally the way Weiss seemed to be able to.

And that was hard.

It was hard for a multitude of reasons one of which being I wasn't sure who I could really talk to about this. Cloud wouldn't get it and that wasn't his fault. He was just too much of a guy, guy, guy. And Weiss was the source of my anxiety so how was I supposed to talk to her about it. Maybe I should anyway because being bottled up wasn't good for me. It made me feel super bad. So maybe I should talk with her about it and how she was doing it so well. She might be able to share with me her secrets and I could learn to do it as well as she was. Maybe I could figure it out. Because I wanted to love Nebel like he was my own and maybe I did. And maybe I did. But I just wasn't sure. And that doubt plagued me. I had no real idea of whether I was up to the task. Weiss was. I could see that she was up for it. But the rest was so hard. And I had to deal with a touch of jealousy when I watched Weiss sing with Garnet in her arms one night while I fed gentle Nebel. He was so sweet. He was like his father. Gentle and kind.

"Weiss?" I murmured.

She broke off her singing and repositioned Garnet at her breast. "Ruby?"

"I've been wondering… well… how do you do it? How do you love Garnet so easily?"

"I…" She stammered off. "You think it's easy?"

"Yeah. You make it look so casual the way you take care of her as though you carried her. I was wondering how you do it. Because I want that with Nebel. I want to be his mother too. I just don't know how to do it the way that you do," I confessed.

"To tell you the truth, Ruby…" Weiss trailed. "To tell you the truth I've been worried about loving Garnet as much as I love Nebel."

"But you do it so well!" I protested.

"You'll wake up Cloud," she reminded me.

"He's awake. He told me so himself. He can't sleep while we're feeding the babies. He wakes up and starts worrying," I waved her off. "You're doing such a great job of loving on Garnet and I just don't know if I'm doing as good as you are when it comes to Nebel."

"You think I do well at it?" She wondered.

"Yeah! So well! You just cherish her and love her and sing for her just like you do for Nebel."

"Well… I try super hard. I mean… Nebel and I have a connection. I carried him. You can't discount or fake that," she explained.

"Right?! And I'd complain to Cloud about how you make me feel inadequate in comparison but…"

"But he won't get it. Because he never carried a baby. He doesn't understand," Weiss finished.

"And that's not his fault…" I went on defending him. "He tries to get it."

"But he just can't. He never grew a baby inside of him. He doesn't and it's not his fault but he just doesn't know," Weiss kept up. She rocked Garnet a little in her arms. "To tell you the truth, Ruby, I've been jealous of how you manage to love Nebel. I think you're doing fantastic."

"Really…?" I wondered. "Oh thank goodness."

"This whole time I've been worried about loving him more than Garnet. To hear you bring up that you're worried about the reverse is a little… it's a little relieving."

"And maybe it's not so bad. Because Garnet and I have that connection. She's my little girl!" I defended myself. "I carried her and pushed her out and now I feed her and also Nebel but so do you. And there's something special in the way we carry our babies. There's a connection there. Am I making sense?"

"Yeah. You are. And they won't remember it. So doing a good enough job out here is important. I often ask myself… well- what would Cloud do? Because he loves them both. So I just ask myself what he would do and I usually come up with a halfway decent answer."

"That's a good idea! Cloud always has a good plan. He dotes on our babies super well."

"He worries about it so much," Weiss murmured. "I think that's part of how he does it. He obsesses."

"But he does such a good job. It makes me wonder what we should do about it. You know? He can't go on like this. He drives himself crazy. But he does great? So…? Do we do something? Or just let it ride?"

"We do something. But not a whole lot. We compromise. We do a little. We help him obsess about the things he can change and let him worry less about those things that he can't. That's our job when we married him. We knew how he was. We knew that he was the type to take things so far."

"Yeah but he's taking it too far with loving our babies. Should we really stop that? Is it our place? Or is it a good thing that he obsesses about being a good father?"

"I don't know," Weiss shifted Garnet who warbled in her arms with a giggling intonation. "Damnit Ruby!"

"Swearing! Babies! Sponges!"

"Yeah. I know. But it was just one time. Relax. I'm not like Cloud where he swore all the time."

"He quit that," I pointed out. "He quit swearing cold turkey."

"That's what I mean! He did it just because we asked him to."

"And he loves his babies… he also loves his babies…" Weiss pointed out. "Maybe I should be obsessive like him. Maybe I need to obsess about Garnet and Nebel and I'll do a better job. Is that what it takes?"

"It's what Cloud believes it takes," I mumbled. "I don't know. You're the one asking what would Cloud do whenever you worry about loving Garnet too little."

"I really don't think I love her too little. I mean… yes. She's a lot of work and a little frustrating at times."

"She bites," I nodded. "She really goes ham. Not like precious sweet Nebel. He's a good boy. He's precious," I agreed.

"Yeah. And maybe that's the difference. Nebel is easy compared to Garnet. So that's not really fair. And that's not really what I mean. I want to love them the same. Isn't that enough? Isn't that trying hard enough? I'm not really sure. That's why I ask what would Cloud do because he for sure loves them the same."

"I don't know. He dotes on Nebel. His oldest son," I disagreed in part.

"But he also loves Garnet. His oldest daughter. And it makes me think. Can I really do that? Because of the connection. That Nebel and I had. And I guess since he won't remember it I need to get over it. Because it's outside his awareness. He will remember being fed at least in part. At least subconsciously. But being carried in my belly? Not so much. So maybe I have to get over the fact that our connection is one way."

"I don't think you need to get over it. It happened. You have a special connection with Nebel. It doesn't really matter what he remembers. You feel it," I wasn't interested in letting go of what I had with my Garnet.

"But if the babies are better off for it then I kind of have to give it up," Weiss decided. "Cloud would. If it was better for his babies that he did he'd give it right up and quit cold turkey."

"That's not the same. He doesn't know what it's like to have a special connection like that."

"He'd still give it up if he had it for our babies' sake. He's really good at that. He's truly good at abandoning things which don't work or don't work well and replacing them with things that do. He's so good at that. It makes me think. About what kinds of things I need to give up because they aren't working. You're Nebel's mother too. I'm Garnet's mother too. So should I give up this little connection for their sake? It only seems to get in the way and if I'm the only one who remembers it then it never enters Nebel's awareness. He doesn't lose anything. He gains two mothers. And that's more important than that one way connection I have with him. You're more important than that. Am I making any sense?"

"But he's your baby!" I protested. "Do you really want to give that up?"

"Does it matter what I want? What would Cloud do? He'd give it up if it made him a better father by one iota."

I said nothing. I didn't want to give up that special connection I had with Garnet. It was… it was mine. It was mine and mine and mine. I worked hard for it. But Weiss was right. Garnet wouldn't remember it at all. She'd remember being raised equally by two moms. That was more important.

"I don't know. But I've come to the conclusion that it's what Cloud would do if he was worried about loving one more than the other. He'd shred that connection with his teeth and nothing else if he had to."

"That's not healthy…" I hummed.

"But it makes him a better father," Weiss shrugged with Garnet pressed to her chest. Garnet whimpered as she lost th enipple for a moment before she found it again and Weiss winced as Garnet brought her little growing teeth to bear. "She's always so eager. So hungry…" Weiss trailed. "I worry about her getting enough."

"I think she does," I dismissed. "I think she eats plenty. She's a chubby baby."

Nebel was sounding off to sleep in my arms having eaten his fill. I stroked his hair and nuzzled his little face with my own enormous cheeks.

"See? Like that? I think you do fine, Ruby. You love on Nebel like you gave birth to him. I think that that's enough."

"Good enough isn't good enough," I quoted Cloud. He was right in a lot of ways. I mean, being a good enough parent was not the same as being a good parent. You had to go beyond that and really push yourself and Cloud was all about pushing himself. I think that's why he does so well. I told Weiss as much as I rocked and brushed Nebel's cheeks with my own. He whimpered in protest. "No, you like it. You're just a tsundere baby," I informed him. "Like Weiss."

"I'm not a tsundere!" Weiss protested. "Well, not anymore."

"You totes are. You can't get enough physical affection yet you spurn it at every turn like you're better than that. You're not. Cloud and I see through you." Nebel burped in my arms and Garnet kept attacking Weiss's breasts with fierce sucking sounds. Weiss winced again.

"I take it all back. You can feed Garnet every time and I get gentle sweet Nebel," she fired. She rolled her eyes too.

"You don't mean that. You want that connection with Garnet," I giggled up at her.

"So what if I do? It's more real than the connection between Nebel and I of carrying him around. That's… Cloud would call it fake pressure. And he's right. But it's still pressure from the gods. It's powerful. But he would know about that too. His fake memories of his sisters and all. He knows a bit about fake pressure from the gods. He would understand that. He would still tell me to let it go, though. Because Nebel won't remember it and it's for the sake of the babies. He puts aside so much stupid bullshit from Salem that I would struggle to argue with him when he says that. And I know that that's what he would say. If I had the courage to ask him how to handle this. But I don't really."

"But that isn't your fault. I like that I carried Garnet around. That means something to me even if she doesn't remember it at all. It matters to me. Isn't that more than enough reason to keep it?"

"Then Cloud should keep his fake memories of his sisters," Weiss pointed out. "They mean something to him. But he still has to try and kill them when they next meet and fight. So… I should probably put this behind me. Or embrace some similar connection with Garnet. That could work. But it has to be equal and opposite to what I did for Nebel. Or else that won't work. I should let it go even though it hurts me. It will make me a better mother to Garnet and probably to Nebel too." Garnet immediately passed out when she was done. When she was awake, then she was awake to play, to eat, and to cry. When she was done with those things then she was out like a light. She wobbled back in Weiss's arms but Weiss caught her and sighed. She leaned in and kissed Garnet's chubby cheeks.

"Your way is harder," I protested.

"But it might make me a better momma. So I should do it. Even if it hurts me. Cloud would say I should do it especially if it hurts me. He would encourage me to run from what's comfortable. But he's a masochist. He likes his agonies. Or he has grown fond of them? They are old friends of his. He values them."

"But that's wrong too. You should run towards what's comfortable. To be comfortable and be happy!" I disagreed.

"Maybe for my personal feelings but not for my babies. I should stress test myself on the regular. That's what Cloud does. I guarantee it. He always confronts himself and challenges what he's doing with our babies. For their sake. Even though it probably hurts like a- hurts so bad," she corrected. "So that's probably what I should do. I can't hold onto this thing and love them both equally so I have to let it go."

"Ouch," I confessed. "I don't know that I can do that," I admitted.

"Then don't. Maybe you can get away with holding onto that thing with Garnet. I'm just telling you that I don't think that I can. I think I have to drop it. If I'm going to be both their mother," she murmured.

"Hmmm," I hummed in thought. I didn't like it but I couldn't think up a better way.

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-WG