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Ruby got pregnant again and the twins turned one. She was something like three months along and getting her first trimester check-up.
"Well, Mrs. Strife, you've certainly had a lot of kids over the last few years…" the doctor commented.
"More than you think," Ruby hummed. "Weiss, my wife, had two as well." And didn't that add up to a couple more than a couple?
"That's quite the family," the doctor murmured. He glanced at his digital tablet. "That makes you a lucky man, Mr. Strife."
"That's what they tell me," I agreed. "It's like I'm not allowed to forget."
"Oh! Psh!" Weiss smacked me on the arm in her darling fashion. The kids were all at home with grandad Taiyang looking after them for the day.
Bless him. He needed it.
The doctor let out a low chuckle. He started the smear on Ruby's belly. "I imagine you're familiar with the procedure by now. I know the jell is a little cold."
"Brr," Ruby bemoaned. The doctor then took the wand to Ruby's tummy and navigated it around until we could see a steady pulse of screen.
"And there's the heartbeat," the doctor pointed. "No abnormalities and it looks like the baby is in the optimal birthing position but that can change. Right there, see? A little hand." It looked like the baby was wearing mittens from my perspective if that was a hand.
I thought back to Taiyang who was probably drowning in babies as we spoke amicably with the doctor. Seriously bless him. He was probably struggling with all five children.
"Baby's all healthy?" Ruby demanded. "Nothing's wrong?"
"No. No. Mrs. Strife. The baby looks as healthy as they come. It's still too early to really tell for certain how things will pan out but the prognosis looks good from here. The spine and brain are all developing naturally. There's no bad curve to the spine at all. Heart looks healthy."
"It's so small… how can you tell?" I wondered. I was staring at the tiny black and white pulsating dot on the screen. The baby's heart was tiny. You could barely even make it out over it's own beating.
"You get an eye for this sort of thing with time. Come on Mrs. Strife. Let's wipe you down." He took a cloth to my wife's tummy and rubbed off the jell. "Anyways an irregular heartbeat is easy to spot. I didn't see any of that," the doctor informed us. "I'll send in a technician and get you all squared away. Thanks for coming in and seeing us. Some parents think that after the first few times they don't need the medical support and it can be a hassle. I'm glad you three decided against wagering it yourselves. Anywho, I'll see you in another… shall we say eight weeks?"
"Bye doc," I waved.
"Until next time," Weiss agreed.
"Thank you!" Ruby called out and the door shut behind him.
"Oh! That's always so stressful," Ruby bemoaned. "Like: 'what if I'm not growing the baby right?'"
"Are you… are you serious?" I hazarded.
"But what if though," Weiss agreed.
"You two are serious. If the baby was growing poorly it wouldn't be your fault. You two do everything right. No alcohol. Nothing," I threw in. "It couldn't be your fault. There's no way."
"What if I stood up wrong or… or something," Ruby demanded. "What if I twisted my baby up?"
"Is that a thing? Or are you making that up?" I asked.
"It gets hard to stand up a certain way when you're far enough along," Weiss chimed in.
"It still doesn't sound like a thing. If it was going to harm the baby, then your body wouldn't let you do it like that," I cut across. "Anyways the baby is healthy and growing happily. Your fourth."
"My last," Ruby agreed. She sounded a touch sad.
"How do you feel about that, sweetheart?" I asked.
"Well… I'm not sure. Pregnancies are exciting. I'm going to miss them. But we have enough babies."
"Too many. We have so many babies," Weiss mumbled. She dragged a hand down her face in exasperation. It was true. We were pushing six now. That's a lot of kids to bundle up and nurture.
"Hey! You helped!" Ruby protested.
"I did. What was I thinking? I haven't slept in months," Weiss agreed.
"It's not-" I choked on a yawn. "It's not so bad. How much sleep were we getting anyways?"
"More than this," Weiss managed. "Even you were getting more than this."
Ruby mirrored my yawn in a kitten like fashion. She rubbed her belly where the baby grew in an absentminded manner. "Well, I'll be happy when it's over and I'm holding them in my arms. That's the best part. When they have that new baby smell."
"They smell very nice," Weiss agreed.
"Really? You guys think so?" I wondered.
"Not when they have full diapers. The rest of the time!" Ruby flailed.
"Do our babies smell better than other babies?" I demanded.
"I don't know. I wasn't sniffing other people's babies. Probably though," Ruby decided.
"Forget it, Ruby. It's a mother thing. I'm not sure Cloud can understand," Weiss turned her nose up at me. What the fuck? Another party I could never be a part of?
"Hold up. I'm trying to understand." I tried.
"You're making fun of us," Weiss denied. "Our babies smelled good because they are our babies and for no other reason. Quit trying to analyze it. It won't work. I can see those gears turning in your head. You can't figure it out so you plan on teasing us about it. I'm cutting you off. Our babies smelled fantastic."
"Yeah. Go Weiss!" Ruby cheered.
"Darling, I just don't know what you're talking about. The babies always smelled… clean when they were clean? They smelled bad when they were dirty? I don't know what extra special thing you were smelling was." I managed. I tried to get my point across but I was falling short. As usual.
"And you never will," Weiss folded her arms and huffed. Ruby imitated her on the patient lounge bed.
"I'll pay extra special attention to the way this one smells. How about that?" I bargained.
"You should have been paying attention to how each of them smelled. They all had their own smells!" Ruby turned her nose up at me.
"Really? That wasn't just… that wasn't just aura?" I hazarded out there.
"Well… Weiss?" Ruby dragged Weiss back in.
"It was a little bit aura. But it was also a certain je ne sais qoia. Nebel had it. Pearle still has it a little. Cherry used to have it. Citrone and Garnet are getting to where you can't pick up on it anymore."
"I promise to sniff the babies when we get home," I vowed.
"You are! You're making fun of us!" Ruby accused.
I grinned down at her. She pouted up at me.
The technician came in and cleared us to leave. We walked out to Weiss's car and she pulled her door open. I helped the pregnant woman into the back. Wife. Pregnant wife.
You know it had been years and I still wasn't totally used to calling them my wives. It was just a little cookie.
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"Well thank you Taiyang," I said to Taiyang when we arrived back at the house.
"It was my pleasure," he smirked. "I got to spend time with them. Now I'm off to my lonely abode to get a power nap in."
Ass.
"Take me with you," Weiss mumbled.
"Not a chance. You made your bed now lie in it," he carried on. "And the new 'un?"
"As healthy as a… horse. Baby," I stammered off. "Heartbeat, spine, and brain all look good. Those are the important bits anyways."
"Number six is a go," Ruby agreed. She rubbed her belly like she was cradling it in her arms.
"So long as you're a happy little doll," Taiyang agreed. He reached out and wrapped Ruby up in his arms. He mouthed 'six' at me over her pretty little head. I heard you. I hear you. Six.
"Yeah. Yeah. I just… I can't say 'no' to her. To either of them," I looked away. It was my biggest weakness. I couldn't deny either of them their dreams when they came to me and asked me.
"Wouldn't want to anyway. Well I'm off. The kids are all asleep so you have the place to yourselves for a moment. Until the damn breaks at least."
"Thank you again, Taiyang. But now we have three pairs of hands on deck," Weiss waved him off.
"Just keep me in the loop about looking after them. I'm a sucker for Cherry and Garnet."
"Oh, do they remind you of someone special in your life?" I asked.
"Two someones. Bye now." He left.
Weiss plopped down on the couch. She rubbed her face in it and tried to doze off now that she wasn't wearing a face for anybody.
"I'm so tired!" She screamed into her pillow. "Why am I so tired all the time!"
"Oh fuff. It's not that bad," Ruby came up behind Weiss and rubbed her back. Weiss moaned into the massage.
"I need a vacation," Weiss grimaced.
"Maybe when the kids are… um. Older," Ruby mumbled. She glanced at me and it was my turn to sigh. When the kids were older I was going to be stone cold, in the ground dead. Or whatever my Mother was going to do with my body.
Which probably wasn't going to include burying me sensibly with maturity and respect. I mean- I didn't bury any of her people that I had killed. I figured what comes around goes around. I chuckled lowly.
"Eheh," Ruby shivered. "I hate when you laugh like that."
"What?" I wondered.
"That dark creepy laugh you do while you're in a dark place. I don't like it," Ruby informed me.
"It's-" I started.
"It's bad for the baby!" Ruby interrupted me.
"You don't get to do that on baby number four!" I informed her.
"I do too. Tell him Weiss," Ruby folded her arms at me. Weiss was still face down on the couch.
"Cloud. Don't be a dick," Weiss said meekly through the cushion.
"Wha- is my laugh upsetting to you too?" I demanded.
"It certainly could be…" Ruby mumbled.
"Which one. I didn't hear it," Weiss rolled over in the couch so she was laying on her back.
"The dark one he does when he thinks he can get away with it," Ruby fired back.
"Oh yeah. That one is super creepy," Weiss agreed.
"Super creepy!? I'm just a guy, you guys. I get to be a touch creepy. It's in the job description." I was allowed to be a little creepy. As a treat.
"Not around the babies!" Ruby protested.
"We're- we're alone. It's just us. The only baby around here is you," I pointed an accusing finger at Ruby.
"I'm baby. Not a baby. I'm just baby," she denied. "Quit doing the creepy laugh. I can feel you go to a dark place and then you laugh about it. What was even so funny this time?"
"I was just thinking about what Salem is going to do to my body when she kills me."
"And that's funny to you?!" Weiss shot upright.
"Well- a little. What comes around goes around. I didn't bury any of her dudes."
"Oh my gods…" Ruby slumped exasperatedly.
"You really think that's funny?" Weiss demanded.
"I don't… You know what they say about explaining a joke…" I trailed off.
"Oh my gods," Weiss slumped back down. "Well obviously you need to be punished."
"What?" I wondered.
"How?" Ruby demanded. "What are we going to make him do that he would even consider a punishment?"
"I'm thinking, Ruby. I don't have a plan for everything. Anytime you want to step in here would be great."
"What's the big deal?" I asked. "It's just… what comes around goes around. You know? It's funny."
"You are warped," Weiss mumbled.
"Yeah. No shit," I murmured.
"Language! Babies!" I glanced at Ruby. "Sorry. Reflex," she apologized.
"Anyways you knew I was warped when you married me. Which I didn't force you to do by the by. You could have said 'fuck no. You're too warped.' But you didn't. You decided to save my soul. That means putting up with my… eccentricities."
"Not that creepy laugh it doesn't!" Ruby exclaimed aghast. "That's not in my vows. I never promised you that. And you promised to be a good friend to me. That means no laughing about your own death ever." She stared me down and repeated. "Ever."
"Fuck me sideways Rubes what can I laugh at if not myself?"
"Have you tried not maliciously tearing yourself down?" Weiss asked rhetorically.
"W-well…." I stammered off.
"So…?" Ruby trailed in with an olive branch.
"So?" Weiss demanded before I could come up with a way to take Ruby's way out. "So we'll work on it. It's what we'll do. We'll catch you going to dark places and you had better not laugh or there will be sure consequences. Please don't make us think any up. Just stop laughing about your own demise and we'll call it even. You don't get to laugh about that. It's not okay. Do you know why?"
"Because you're tired?" I hazarded.
"Because we love you and it's going to break our hearts when you leave," Ruby whispered.
Oh. Well… oh. I mean what was a guy supposed to say to that? I mean… they knew I had to go but that didn't mean it wasn't going to break them down a little and hurt them very badly when I left. In a lot of ways I was choosing my destiny over them. And that had to hurt.
"So it's just cruel to everybody involved when you laugh about something like you dying when you face her and what awful things she's going to do to you," Weiss floored me.
"We won't even get to bury your body…" Ruby trailed off. She was holding her hands to her cheeks in a grief stricken pose. "We won't even be able to bury your body. You'll be on one of the kingdomless continents. So we won't even get to say goodbye like that."
"That's true if I die tomorrow on a mission though." I protested.
"So that makes it fair and not heartbreaking?" Weiss demanded. Ouch. Touche. Weiss. Touche.
"Think about if you were us. Would you want us to give up on us so easily?" Weiss ordered.
"What?" I asked to be an asshole.
"You know what I mean. If you were us and we were slated to die," Weiss demanded.
"I couldn't handle it. I'd never get over it. Ever. There's not enough time in the universe for me to get over losing one of you. Let alone both. That's like… that's like if one our kids died."
"Ew!" Ruby disgruntled. "Cloud!"
"What?"
"So that's how we feel about you. Leaving us. To face whatever is waiting for you," Weiss marched on. "Also yeah. Cloud. Ew."
"Okay okay. No more talking about our babies… doing that," I agreed.
"So that's how we feel and why we want you to stop making jokes about it. Can you do that?" Weiss asked.
"Sure I can try. But I default to humor when I can't cope."
"That's fine. We just don't want to feel you go to dark places and then laugh about it," Ruby offered an olive branch again.
"I can bottle it up…"
"No bottles!" Ruby exclaimed. "You have to let your aura out and you have to not go to bad dark places and then laugh about it. You need to do both."
"You have me pretty firmly in a corner here…" I trailed off.
"That's where you belong a little. Isn't it?" Weiss leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes.
I chuckled at that.
Ruby smacked me. "Like that! You just did it!"
"I'm trying. I'm trying. Okay?" I pleaded.
"Try harder!" Ruby demanded.
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-WG