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"You didn't have to do that in front of our fucking children." Weiss lashed out at me.
"I had to kill her and it had to be then. You could have been illusions. She saw you guys. She was too dangerous to be left alive. She came for our son," I whispered.
"Really? In front of our children you'd be so violent?" Weiss demanded.
"Had to be done. You're the ones who wanted a cute day on the town. I have real enemies. I will rip them apart. You knew this when you married me. I warned you that I was like this. I gave you every red flag imaginable," I countered. I rubbed my forehead and sighed. "What should I have done?"
"Waited two fucking seconds!" Weiss got in my face and shouted.
"What if you were all fake or she was putting an illusion on me. I couldn't take the risk with Nebel right there."
"Exactly. Our son saw you violently rip into her. What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking I didn't want to be deluded into attacking him instead. I had a hold of her. I wasn't about to let that fly or give her time to breathe. I warned you about how violent I was. How violent I am. It's like you're only just now getting it."
I quit the tournament. My lust for blood sated. No reason to continue and there were people with questions for me. Like my wives.
"You couldn't have waited? Just a little?" Ruby begged.
"You were pleading with me not to do it instead of getting the kids out of there. You looked like a fake. You looked like she was using you to pressure me."
Ruby's lip warbled and she looked away from me.
"So yes. I brutally ended her. And serves me right for letting my guard down. Doesn't it?"
"Is that the lesson you're pulling from all this?" Weiss's nostrils flared up at me.
"What lesson should I be getting?" I demanded. "My kids need to be kept under lock and key. Imagine if she wasn't alone. Imagine if she had Saphron there. What then?"
Ruby and Weiss exchanged looks but said nothing.
"Seriously. I want to know. What should I have done then? I will kill Saphron. Just like I killed Emerald. I will paint the walls red with their blood. You knew me like this. You know what I'm like. I'm on a quest looking for trouble."
"So you felt like making trouble?"
"I didn't walk up and kidnap our son, Weiss. They started it. I finished it. It's not a long story. And you- you knew that I was like this! Because I told you that I was like this!"
"Not like this…" Ruby trailed.
"Yes. Exactly like this," I fired back.
"Our children are traumatized," Ruby bemoaned.
"Half of them didn't even understand what they saw. The other half we'll talk to and work it out with."
"All but Carnel understood and saw their dad murder somebody."
"Oh so now it's murder?"
"You disagree?" Weiss quirked an eyebrow.
"I've been in camp 'I'm a murderer' from day one. It's you both who have been telling me my soul isn't a dark place. And you handed me kids. Like I'm not a walking talking thunderbolt. You forked over children and put them in my arms like I'm not a living hazard."
"Okay, okay. So we misjudged you a little," Ruby cut in. "Doesn't mean that we don't still love you. Doesn't mean you don't love our babies."
"You don't know me well if you don't know me like this," I returned.
"Cloud…?" Ruby hummed and walked up to me in our little kitchen. The little tikes were all put to bed. It was just us. The adults.
"What?"
"Don't fly from us. I know today was scary. Nebel got taken from us. But don't fly away from us over this. We can still talk this out."
I wondered if that were true. It hadn't been my Mother or Saphron or my father but it had been one of my old enemies. More would come. They just would. They'd come flinging out of the woodwork at me faster than bullets. It was on me to be nearly perfect or to go and cut them off at the source.
"I'll stay," I embraced her warm aura. I held her close to me when she came in for a hug and I cradled her in my arms. I felt her tender aura around me. Like cinnamon and flowers freshly picked. It cooled down my temper despite the warmth and I found myself relaxing into it more and more. "I'll stay. For now. It wasn't my Mother. That's why I'm not leaving. If it was her I'd be gone."
I felt Ruby shiver in my arms. "And I should have done more," Ruby sighed. "I should have gotten my babies out of there rather than made them watch. You're right. I played like an illusion. How were you to know? And what were you supposed to do? Just hold onto her forever and never let go for an instant? I should have gotten our children out of the way. Instead of begging you to spare her. But you know it wasn't her I was worried about. It was you. I was worried about what you were about to do to yourself."
"I'm already stained sweetheart. It's too late to try and save me from that."
"It's not too late for you," Weiss disagreed. She sighed and dropped her folded arms. She walked over and placed one hand on Ruby's shoulder and the other on mine. "That's what we mean when we say there's good in you and that your soul is a bright place. We know you've done some stuff you're not proud of but so has everybody else. You can rise above it. If you want."
"What I want, Weiss, is to sail the darkness of the cosmos with this planet as my vessel. You and me and Ruby and all our children on a safe boat forever. But to make this place safe…"
"We know, Cloud. We know," Weiss whispered. I grabbed her by the waist with my left arm. I pulled her close to me and felt her aura tingle against mine. The coolness of it ran down my spine and I shivered despite myself at the familiar texture. The creamy custard coffee flavor went down smoothly against my raging insides. I wanted to lash out still. As though the danger had not yet passed into memory. But some things defied memory. And some memories defied themselves. And all I could see was Emerald Sustrai walking away with my son hand in hand. I wanted to crush something. Instead I pulled Weiss close to me and kissed her neck once, twice, then her lips.
"What was I supposed to do?" I croaked out. "She had our son. I couldn't just let her go."
"I know. I know," Weiss agreed. "She slipped him right past me somehow. With her illusions. She stole away our child right under my nose when I was supposed to be watching him."
"We were supposed to be ready," Ruby agreed with Weiss.
"It's not your fault. It's mine for letting my guard down. And as soon as I did something awful nearly happened. I need… I need to trust my instincts. More and more. Especially if my mind should start to fail me. Salem presses."
"You have us. And we'll help our children see the right of it. It was… really unfortunate that they had to see that," Weiss pursed her lips. It only made me want to kiss her some more. I tried to still my aching beating heart but it was no use. On and on it thumped in my ears. Over and over again unendingly. I just wanted my own heart to shut the fuck up. To lay still for an aching minute even if it killed me. Especially if it killed me.
I pulled Ruby closer in my arms and she let out a mellow noise. "Eep. We can get through this. You'll see."
"I need to do something about my father before he does something about me," I sighed. "He's a loose end I've left untied for too long. I've got to handle it. And my sisters… there must be some way of tracking them down. Finding out what they are up to. I don't like it. It's like a chip in my mind reading everything I'm doing and a wiggling nagging doubt that I'll be ready when they come."
"Go after them, then. Don't just stay here if you can't any longer," Weiss decided.
"We'll miss you," Ruby breathed. She may as well have actually stabbed me.
"I know," I murmured as I wrapped them both up in my arms. "But I've left too much up for grabs for too long. I need to do something about the rest of my family even if I'm leaving my Mother alone."
"But you are? Leaving her alone?" Weiss wondered.
"I shouldn't. I should go to her. I can still feel her distantly on the edge of my mind. I can feel where she lives out in the kingdomless continent."
"But you won't?" Ruby pressed.
"But I won't. Not yet. I'm… I'm not ready to face her. If I come at her now, I will lose. I don't stand a chance at her with my mindset all shambled. My father is a different story. As are my sisters. And whoever created them. But…"
"But…" Ruby further marched.
"But right now I will lose to her. She would destroy me. If my mentality isn't tight and on point she'll rip into me like no other."
Weiss stepped away with a little sigh. She walked over and filled a glass of red wine. "Want one? Ruby?"
"Not for me. I'm still breastfeeding Carnel. I shouldn't," Ruby mumbled.
"I shouldn't either. I'm still going to. Because it feels like I'm losing my husband."
I rubbed my face in my hands. I wasn't dying. Not yet at any rate. But I couldn't exactly say that. Because I was flinging myself into danger. Weiss sipped her wine elegantly. Everything she did was so elegant. Why did she have to be so pristine and make me look like an absolute mess. I sighed heavily.
"How about you? Cloud? Do you want a drink?" Weiss wondered. "Or are you leaving tonight?"
"I'm not leaving tonight…" I trailed off absently.
"So do you want a drink?" Weiss hammered.
"I do," I agreed. "Something harder than wine. But yes. I want to drink."
"Today was scary…" Weiss mumbled. She poured me a shot of whiskey and I slammed it hard. I coughed off the alcohol. It hit the back of my throat hard. I choked a little. "Emerald almost walked away with our son hand in hand. I don't know how she did that. She must have just walked up and took him. Right from under Ruby's and mine noses."
"All I can see over and over in my head is her walking down the steps of the colosseum with our son's hand in her's. All I can see. Over and over I see her just walking away with our son."
"You stopped her," Ruby pointed out. "That matters. It might not feel like it now but you saved him from whatever she had planned. That really does matter."
"I'm not sure she even had a plan past revenge which is scary in its own right," I returned. "A person can do a whole lot when they are motivated by revenge and revenge alone. I did. When I found out about where I came from. I came at people just because I could and I had the power."
"You always say that," Weiss muttered.
"It's always true," I mumbled back. "Another shot please."
Weiss poured one but she snipped me. "Can you handle another one?"
"I can. I can handle plenty. Whiskey just isn't my poison of choice." I choked down the shot with another cough. It hit me so hard. I was blurry eyed on an empty stomach. "I really ought to eat something. I haven't eaten anything since before I gobbled up Sustrai."
"Don't… don't do that…" Ruby mumbled.
"Don't do what?" I asked like an asshole.
"You damn well know what!" Weiss smacked a hand on the island counter.
"Yeah. Fair enough. Fair cop," I mumbled.
"Why do you do that? You always have to joke about it," Weiss cut across.
"I think it's a reflex?" I shrugged. "I try and use humor to cope."
"Humor as a coping mechanism doesn't look good on you. And it doesn't really sell this whole dark knight thing you're going for. Do you see the disparity?" Weiss tagged.
"Not really?" I wondered. "What about it isn't dark?"
"Okay it's all dark," Ruby agreed. "But why is it a coping mechanism if your soul is a dark place."
"Yeah see. That's what I don't buy. If you were really all okay with killing Sustrai you wouldn't be drinking or making bad jokes," Weiss added. "It's all dark. You're going to a dark place. But then you're staying there and feeding off of it like negative energy."
"I'm more fucked up because my son was in danger than I am fucked up about Sustrai being dead," I disagreed.
"Can we just take a moment to be thankful that Sustrai is no longer on the table as an option for our enemies?" Ruby breathed. "I mean, think of the damage that she could have done if she was well placed. It's a good thing she's gone."
"True enough."
"Cheers," Weiss held out her glass. "Yeah but you're not making jokes about our son being in danger."
"Oh gods," Ruby sighed.
"I don't want to think about our son being in danger," I pointed out.
"But you are about Sustrai dying? So where is the juice being squeezed? What are you coping with and how?"
"You sound like a therapist," I accused Weiss. "I don't know. I don't like joking about our son almost dying and I didn't think you would appreciate it," I finished.
"Well we wouldn't but we also don't appreciate the humor at Sustrai's expense so that's not a good excuse," Ruby agreed in part.
"I didn't want to joke about my kid almost getting taken away by that bitch. Alright!?" I demanded.
"But that's our point. It's not all evil and bad down there in you," Weiss leveled her glass at me. "At the bottom of who you are and where you need to cope it isn't all dark. That's what we see in you. There is some darkness to be sure but you're not all bad. There is goodness in you. We both know it or we wouldn't have married you. I wouldn't even have had sex with you if it wasn't good down there where you live. And yeah you have some bad wrinkles but who doesn't? Name one person who is all good from top to bottom."
"Ruby," I informed Weiss. She rolled her eyes. "She's more than my moral compass. She's a good guide for how to live a good life. Ruby is all good from top to bottom. I'm not. I'm like a pet you guys like."
"You guys…" Ruby trailed in.
"Okay Ruby is the exception. Not the rule. Everyone else has a little bit of evil in them. Even me," Weiss continued. "You're not just a pet we like. We love you. We dearly truly love you. Can't you see that?"
"Can't you see how fucked I am?" I shot back. "I did this whole kids thing. And that was fine."
"Fine?" Ruby wondered.
"It's been an adventure. It has had it's ups and downs. It's been a trip. But… you have to realize I'm not all that. I'm the guy who killed a bitch in front of his kids. In part I did it for fun. That's me. I'm a dog."
Weiss smacked me in a not so flirtatious manner. "You're not a dog. Shut up!"
I sighed and rolled my eyes. "You're not getting it and I've run out of ways to warn you. You see me tossing red flags. I'm tossing them."
"I always thought you were a puppy," Ruby breathed. "A big puppy. But also a person. You are a person. I know you are."
I sighed again. I couldn't argue with Ruby. If she was convinced she was convinced. I suppose I should be too. "I'm leaving tomorrow. For my father."
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-WG