Author's note - I do not own Gintama!

Kagura had been successfully avoiding the sadist for over a week. Spending so much time with him had messed with her head. She was falling deeper for him and not knowing whether he felt the same way was terrifying. It was like free falling into a dark pit, not knowing if utter misery awaited her or sheer bliss.

She had come to the conclusion that a little distance from him might minimize the hurt or at least allow her to go back to her earlier self. However, what she hadn't considered in her brilliant plan was the possibility of it getting worse; which is exactly what had happened.

She was consumed by thoughts of the sadist. There wasn't a minute that didn't go by that didn't remind her of him. When she was out on a job, she thought about how he hated patrolling and would slack off on the park bench. During meals, she thought about how he would always complain about going broke from the amount of food she ate and yet invite her out for next time. When she would be munching on Sukonbu, she would hear his voice in her head, insulting her precious snack.

Moreover, her chest constantly ached and she hadn't gotten a good night's sleep in days. She needed her brain and her heart and her mind and her entire body to stop. It was as if she couldn't function properly if she didn't see him at least once a day and that was crazy. At this rate, she'd turn into Sacchan or the Gorilla and there was nothing worse than that. Desperate, she went to Gin-chan for help since he was the only person who was immediately available.

'Gin-chan! I have a problem. I can't stop thinking.'

Gintoki was lying on the couch and reading JUMP, a carton of strawberry milk on the table before him. At her voice, he looked up and stared at her with a blank expression.

'What kind of a problem is that?'

'It's a big problem! I can't stop thinking and I want to stop thinking because thinking about this is making me sick!'

Gintoki had now started picking his nose. 'Making you sick, huh? Then, go sleep or get drunk or something. That's what all adults to when they don't want to think about things.'

'But I can't sleep. I've been trying for so many days. And I don't like the taste of alcohol. What do I do?' Kagura was giving him puppy-dog eyes, hoping it would make him take her seriously. When he sighed, she thought she'd won but his next words made her freeze.

'What is it that you can't stop thinking about anyway?' He was looking at her with his dead-fish eyes and Kagura tried not to squirm as she tried coming up with a lie. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of something so obvious.

'Uhh…that…I can't stop…thinking…about…SUKONBU!'

When Gintoki's expression didn't change, she slapped herself internally for not coming up with something better.

He sighed and muttered under his breath but Kagura heard him just fine. 'That disgusting seaweed has finally gone to her head. The baldy's going to kill me.'

'I am not crazy! I'm being serious! I keep thinking about how much I like Sukonbu and how I want to...eat it all day long. And you know, I thought my obsession was getting too much so I even stopped. I haven't had any Sukonbu for over a week but now I just feel sick. What do I do, Gin-chan?' After she was finished with her explanation, Kagura realized that she did sound crazy. But she doubted that a man who was obsessed with strawberry milk and JUMP had any right to judge her.

'Aaaah. This is a classic case of withdrawal symptoms. You're really addicted to that snack and now your body can't handle not getting it.'

'You mean like when the mayo-addict traveled to different planets because he couldn't find cigarettes in Edo?' This was bad. Was she addicted to the sadist? Was she going to go crazy over him?

'That's exactly it. Although, Oogushi-kun was an extreme case.' His face twisted in disgust before he continued. 'Besides, why did you stop anyway? Actually, forget that. It'll save me a ton of money if you do stop. Now, to get over this…hmmm...why don't you find another cheap snack? Like those that you get at 50 yen?'

'But how will that help me stop thinking about the sa-Sukonbu?' Kagura cursed herself for the slip-up but it didn't look like Gintoki had noticed. He had gone back to his JUMP.

'It's obvious. When you're eating rice and egg, you forget about Sukonbu, right? Then, if you keep munching on something that you like, you won't feel the need to eat Sukonbu.'

The logic didn't feel completely right but Kagura believed in it enough to give it a try. After all, she did forget about Sukonbu when she was having rice and egg. Maybe she just needed to find a temporary distraction. Someone who would take her mind off the sadist and prevent her from becoming a perverted masochistic stalker.

'Thank you, Gin-chan! I'm going out.'

Gintoki lifted a hand in a parting wave and she rushed out the door, umbrella in hand. When Kagura thought about her new strategy, she had trouble thinking of a potential guy who could serve as a distraction. She didn't want a random person since she wouldn't feel comfortable with them and she didn't have many friends her age apart from Soyo-chan. She had also lost touch with the guys she used to play with when she was fourteen. Now that I think about it, why did I stop hanging out with them?

Kagura didn't especially like all the guys in that group but some of them had been nice to her. Playing with them had made her feel like a normal fourteen year old girl and she'd enjoyed that. However, when she'd turned sixteen, her fights with the sadist had become more frequent. Every time she would be playing with her friends, the sadist would magically show up and insult her, which led to them fighting for hours. This had continued for months and before she knew it, all her days were spent fighting the sadist. Gradually, her definition of playing in the park had changed and subconsciously, so had her definition of friends.

Reaching the aforementioned park, Kagura decided to sit under the shade of a cherry blossom tree and think about her plan. As she lay on the ground, she couldn't help but think about all the memories the park held for her. Everywhere she looked, she could see her and the sadist arguing or fighting. Sighing, she thought about how she couldn't have chosen a worse place to escape from her constant thoughts of him.

Despite the heat, the area under the tree was cool and as a gentle breeze swept up the petals that had fallen on the ground, Kagura felt her eyelids get heavy, her sleep-deprivation finally sneaking up on her. Her last thought before she drifted into dreamland was how she had finally found peace in a place that was filled with his presence.

'-chan.'

'Kagura-chan'

'Kagura-chan'

'mmmmmmmmmm. Shut up.'

'Ano, Kagura-chan, it's evening already.'

Kagura jerked herself awake when she heard the unfamiliar voice. She rubbed her eyes and looked around, trying to get her bearings. The person who had called out to her was a guy who looked to be a little older than her and although she didn't recognize him, something about him felt familiar. Like he'd said, the sun was setting and the sky was painted various shades of orange and pink.

'Kagura-chan, are you okay?' The guy looked concerned.

'Who are you? How do you know my name?' Kagura questioned reflexively. She didn't have many manners but being sleep-addled had taken away the little manners she did have. The person in front of her didn't seem to mind though. He smiled at her and let out a chuckle, as if what she had said was somehow amusing.

'Of course you don't remember me. It was quite a long time ago. I'm Kou. We used to play together a few years ago.'

So that's why he had seemed familiar. She remembered him because he'd been one of the guys that she had liked to hang out with. She'd been closer to him than she had been to any of the other guys, but that in itself wasn't saying much. They'd only been friends for a few months before he had moved away. Now that she looked at him, she realized that he had changed a lot. He'd grown taller and lost his boyishness. What hadn't changed though, Kagura noted, was his kind smile. He'd always been a really kind person, the one who smiled easily and made you feel really comfortable.

'Kou-chan. You're back?' She gave him a small smile, genuinely happy to have met an old friend.

'Yeah. My dad's job was only supposed to be a few years so now that it was over, we came back. Kabukicho has always been home, after all!' He had a fond expression while talking about Kabukicho and Kagura could relate. Their little town was truly unlike any other.

'That's great!'

'Kagura-chan, why were you sleeping here? You seem pretty tired. Are you okay?'

His words reminded Kagura of what she had come out here to do in the first place and she groaned. She had wasted all day and she had yet to come up with a plan. At least I got some sleep though. Because of that, she didn't consider the day a complete failure. But then she recalled her conversation with Gin-chan and the plan she already had and she froze. Slowly turning to look up at Kou, she wondered if she was just lucky or if God was playing a joke on her.

This is a joke, right? What are the chances of this happening? Isn't this too lucky to even be a lucky coincidence?

Kou was still looking at her with worry in his eyes and she gave him a shaky smile, feeling a little unsettled. When she had initially set out to find a distraction, she hadn't thought much of it. But now that she was looking at Kou's concerned expression and his kind eyes, she had a churning feeling in her stomach. Kagura generally preferred a clean and simple approach when it came to relationships, without any drama and ulterior motives. With her, you got what you saw. So the thought of spending time with someone, and someone as nice as Kou, in hopes of distracting herself didn't sit well with her. She couldn't bear the thought of deceiving someone for her selfish motives.

Kagura knew that there was a possibility that she was making a big deal out of nothing. After all, she was only looking to spend some time with him. She wasn't going to swindle him for money or even lead him on for the heck of it. But knowing that deep down she did have a hidden agenda would consume her with guilt. So she flushed her whole plan down an imaginary gutter and gave Kou a small smile.

'I'm fine. I just haven't been getting enough sleep lately. Anyway, I should go home or Gin-chan will start getting worried. I'll see you around?' She would just see what she could do by herself. No need to get other people involved.

'Oh. Then, why don't I walk you home? We'll get time to catch up and besides, I live in the same direction.'

She hesitated at Kou's offer for a split second before responding. 'Sure.'

Walking toward the Yorozuya, she listened to him talk about his life in the town he had moved to. His stories seemed like a different world to her. Because she had never been to school, she had missed out on a lot of things like hanging out with your friends, going to beach in the summer, working together for school festivals and so on. But just when she felt a sense of longing creep in, he asked her about her life for the past years. And recounting all her adventures from fighting terrorists, saving the police chief from being assassinated, and turning into a male version of herself to saving Yoshiwara, fighting the entire country and throwing the previous shogun in jail, and saving the world from an immortal freak (which she conveniently left out) made the feeling of longing dissipate into thin air. Her life had been and was pretty darn awesome and she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Looking back, she realized she'd mostly done a lot of fighting and saving, which was pretty apt for the Odd Jobs trio.

'Sounds like a lot of fun, Kagura-chan. You sure have been busy!' Kou looked at her like she was something amazing and she felt an unexpected bout of shyness well up. She rarely ever received compliments and especially not from the opposite gender. She was contemplating an appropriate response when a nearby ice-cream shop caught her eye. Kou followed her gaze and started walking toward the store, looking back at her once and tilting his head, asking her to follow.

'Umm. What are you doing?' She asked, as she caught up to him.

'You wanted ice-cream right?' Had she been that obvious?

'Yeah, but I don't have any money on me.' With anybody else, like the sadist, she would have dragged him and demanded he buy her 5 cones. But this was Kou and even though they'd known each other at one point, they were almost strangers now.

'It's all right. It's on me. Think of it as an 'I'm back' treat.' He was smiling at her and she wanted to decline but she also wanted her ice-cream. It had been a hot day and she was hungry and her throat was parched.

'Isn't it usually the other way round? Aren't people supposed to throw 'Welcome back' parties?'

'Yeah, but who cares? Besides, it's just ice-cream.' He shrugged and went to order. Well, it was just an ice-cream and he was insisting and Kagura could be considered shameless when it came to food and even more shameless when it came to free food. She ordered her usual Sukonbu flavored one, which had Kou looking at her in horror, while he got himself a mixed-berries one that had a complicated name but was a deep pink in color.

As they walked back, she distractedly noted how the color of his ice-cream resembled the evening sky sans the orange hues.

'Wanna try?' Kagura's eyes shot toward his, then the ice-cream he had now extended in her direction. Red filled her cheeks at having been caught staring, even though it wasn't because of what he was thinking.

'What? No no. I was just thinking of how the sky is the same color as your ice-cream. That's all.' She waved her hand in the air and let out an awkward chuckle.

Kou looked back and forth between the scoop and the sky before his mouth formed an O. 'You're right! But I would have offered anyway. It's really good and I think you'll like it.'

'Why do you say that?' She furrowed her eyebrows, confused. They could be barely considered acquaintances and didn't know much about each other.

He shrugged, still smiling. 'I don't know. I think maybe because the tastes of both our ice-creams are similar? A combination of sweet and sour but mine has a fruity undertone. I thought you'd enjoy the change from…that.' His expression toward the end had become one of mild distaste.

'Are you insulting my Sukonbu ice-cream?' Kagura was quick to offend when it came to her precious snack but over the years she'd become aware of how Sukonbu was an acquired taste. So she had mostly been teasing him with her mock threatening expression.

Kou looked her at her before smiling uncertainly. 'My instinct is screaming at me to say no but I don't want to lie…that doesn't look very appetizing.' He ended his sentence with a fake theatrical shudder.

Kagura gasped dramatically. 'How dare you! Now I won't rest until you admit that this is the tastiest thing you've ever had.' With that, she tried shoving her ice-cream in his face, ignoring his laughs and his hands that were pushing her away.

Kagura hadn't thought it possible but she had gotten comfortable around him pretty quickly. She remembered how that had been the case five years ago as well and Kou was just the kind of person you could be completely free with. Besides, Kagura herself wasn't a shy person. When she liked someone, she became comfortable around them pretty quickly.

She was on her toes, one hand on his shoulder and the other trying to reach his mouth. His hands were holding on to her upper arms as he leaned backward to avoid her attacks. Distantly, she thought about how if it had been the sadist, she would have swept his feet from under him and shoved the ice-cream in his mouth.

Kagura had almost reached Kou's face when suddenly a sword was thrust in the sliver of space between them, causing them to spring apart.

Kagura followed the line of the sword to the strong hand that was gripping it and found the sadist standing a few meters from them with his trademark blank expression. As soon as her brain registered his presence, her heart went wild and if she had a tail, it would have wagged faster than lightning. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on her as she remembered the countless fights they'd had when he'd insulted her by calling her his dog. But right now, she didn't care about that. She only cared about how her heart was beating furiously against the walls of her chest, as if demanding to be let out, as if it wanted to go to him. She felt out of breath and her entire body felt like it was going up in flames and being doused by cold water at the same time.

'You're under arrest for acts of public indecency.'

Hearing his voice, as deadpan as it was, nailed the final hammer in. She had missed him. Terribly. She had been a walking corpse for the past week but seeing him now had made every cell in her body come alive. She was practically vibrating with pleasure and anticipation.

It was in that moment that Kagura made a decision to confess. She couldn't handle this weird stage of not knowing his feelings and being so indecisive was messing with her emotions. She would rather be rejected and focus her energy on moving on than take all these detours to prevent the hurt.

Kou's voice pulled her out of her musings. He had both his hands up and was slowly inching backwards to prevent contact with the sword that was now aimed at his neck.

'Umm, we weren't committing any acts of public indecency.'

'Then, you're under arrest for arguing with a police offer.' As his sword inched closer to Kou's neck and as Kou's expression turned more fearful, Kagura snapped out of her love-daze and furiously yelled.

'What the hell are you doing, sadist!?' Love or not, she wasn't going to take any of the bastard's shit.

Sword still raised, he slowly turned his head to look at her and Kagura felt as if someone had poured a bucket of ice-cold water on her. The sadist's stare was so cold that it could have frozen hell. Kagura had thought she'd seen all his expressions from the various situations they had been in but this one was different. He was looking at her with barely concealed rage and contempt. The force of it was so intense that she gulped and took an involuntary step back, unsure of what she'd done to be on the receiving end of such a look.

Is he jealous? But then it wasn't as if I was kissing Kou. What's got him so pissed? Kagura's thoughts were once again interrupted when the sadist turned to Kou.

'You can choose to come quietly or you can resist. Personally, I'd prefer the latter.' His smirk held a lot more evil than usual, making him look deranged.

Kou was now visibly scared and Kagura knew that she had to do something. Since the sadist didn't seem to be in the mood for talking, she used her umbrella to strike at his sword. Then, she turned to Kou.

'You can go now, Kou-chan. I'll deal with this.'

'China, you're obstructing a police officer.' Ignoring the sadist, she smiled at Kou reassuringly but he still seemed uncertain and scared.

'Are you sure, Kagura-chan?' He was looking warily between her and the sadist but she assured him she would be fine and within seconds, it was just her and the sadist.

'And how exactly do you plan on dealing with this?' Turning around at the sadist's words, she found him watching her with a toned down version of the previous look.

Now that she was over her initial shock of seeing him, she grabbed at the fury that had grown inside of her after his ridiculous act.

'What the hell was that about?' She snarled as she walked toward him.

But he simply raised an eyebrow at her. 'Whatever do you mean? I'm simply a police officer doing my job.'

'Bullshit! There wasn't even a hint of a police officer in your actions just now. If anything, you looked more like a criminal.'

'Ouch. That hurts, China.' His mocking got on her nerves but also exhausted her. Despite her nap earlier, she was tired. She was also hungry since her half-eaten ice-cream had fallen to the ground during the incident earlier. This is exactly what she had meant by conflicting emotions. She was elated when she'd seen the sadist but two minutes in his company and she felt drained of her energy. Maybe it was her physical as well as emotional exhaustion that gave her the courage to say her next words.

'Were you jealous?' She had asked it matter-of-factly, without any emotion in her tone.

Kagura watched as his eyes widened and his mouth fell open in shock. She took a second to feel proud about making the sadist lose his composure enough to disrupt his poker face. But then as quickly as it had come up, the expression vanished and the sadist burst out laughing. It wasn't a chuckle but a full-blown deep belly laugh and Kagura felt as if someone had taken a wrecking ball to her heart.

Gritting her teeth, she prayed to the gods for strength and through sheer willpower, she managed to hold back her tears. Striving to keep her expression neutral, she spoke through the huge lump constricting her throat.

'A simple no would have sufficed.' She wanted to run away. Kagura wanted nothing more than to escape the pain but she also knew that it was now or never. She couldn't keep avoiding this and it was better to take all the hits in one sitting rather than be hurt every single day, right? Besides, a small part of Kagura believed, or maybe hoped, that the sadist did feel something for her. Maybe it was nowhere near the intensity of her feelings but there had to be something. And she was determined to wade through the pain and hurt if it meant getting it. She watched as the sadist stopped laughing and his expression turned mocking. She thought she was doing a good job of maintaining a blank face as she continued.

'Then, if you weren't jealous, why did you interrupt us? We weren't doing anything even remotely intimate. Well, at least not yet.' She took pleasure in the way his left eye twitched.

'That's exactly why. I wanted to protect the innocent bystanders from something as unsightly as a pig being intimate with that cherry boy.'

She grasped on to her pretend indifference with both hands, willing herself to go on. Now or never, Kagura. 'Then, you don't mind if there are no bystanders? You don't mind if I kiss Kou-chan or do other things with him in a private place?' To anyone else, it would have seemed like the sadist was staring at her with a bored expression but Kagura could see the way the red in his eyes glowed as if a fire had been lit in them. He didn't move a single facial muscle but his eyes spoke volumes on exactly how he felt at the idea of her and Kou being intimate.

If that isn't jealously…

She watched as he advanced toward her and quick as a flash, he'd grabbed her wrist and was dragging her towards an alley at the end of the block. His hold on her was so tight she was sure it would bruise. She tried resisting and digging her heels in but even her Yato strength didn't seem to faze him as he ignored her screams and handled her like a ragdoll. Upon entering the alley, he slammed her against the wall, the rough surface scraping against her back, causing her to yelp.

'What the fuck are you doing, you idiot sadist!? LET GO.' She was beyond pissed and the pain in her wrist was getting worse, aggravating her anger.

'China, what do you think you're playing at?' His head was down, his bangs covering half his face, and his voice was deceptively calm. His words only seemed to fuel her anger because what the hell kind of question was that? She tried kneeing him in the crotch but he anticipated her attack and pressed his thighs against her, effectively trapping her.

'ME? What the hell are you playing at, you jerk?! First you threaten my friend and then you act like the biggest asshole toward me and now you're hurting my wrist! What do you want?!' They were in a secluded alley but Kagura was sure the people outside had heard her scream the last few words. She was panting and she felt his hold on her wrist loosen but he still didn't look up. And she knew that it was up to her to see this through. The sadist was not only emotionally unaware and ignorant but he was also emotionally constipated.

'You said you weren't jealous, which pretty much implies that you don't give a shit about what I do or who I do. So, what are you doing, dragging me into shady alleys and throwing me around like a sack of potatoes?' She winced as his grip tightened again, and she heard him grit his teeth. When he looked up, his lips were pursed into a thin line and he was clenching his jaw. He was angry and he wasn't trying to hide it.

'Why haven't you visited me for the past week?' He had ignored all her questions as if she had never spoken.

At that point, Kagura was so furious that she wasn't even surprised at his question. She simply raised her chin and spat at him. 'Why do you care?' He really had no business asking her that. Even assuming they were friends, which they weren't, she'd gone above and beyond in her duties by visiting him for as long as she had.

'Have you been spending time with cherry boy instead? Was I boring you?' His tone was spiteful and she felt it prick her skin like tiny needles.

Kagura wanted to shake him and scream at him and punch him. It was so painfully apparent that he was jealous but Kagura didn't know what she could do to make him admit it. She'd already asked him about it once and her heart had shattered at his cruel response. She knew he was aware of his feelings for her on some level. After all his actions, it didn't take a genius to see that he felt something for her. The question was whether he was choosing not to act on those feelings or if he only knew of them on a subconscious level and wasn't willing to delve and find out more.

In either case, there wasn't anything Kagura could do about it. It was up to him and it was clear that no matter which of the above situation it was, he was unwilling. She didn't know the reason and she didn't want to find out but the bottom line was that the sadist didn't want anything to do with her. Well, at least not romantically.

She slumped against the wall, her chest constricting. 'And if I say that I have? At least he's honest about things. But it's none of your business, right? I got your earlier message loud and clear.'

He pressed her harder into the wall for a few long seconds before looking up, his lips curving up in a mean smile. His expression made her instinctively tense up because she just knew that whatever was going to come next would destroy her.

'Heh. Didn't know you were such a whore, China. Although, if I'd known you could be bought for something as cheap as an ice-cream, I wouldn't have bothered to pay for all those lunches.'

His words were delivered like he was talking about the weather and Kagura felt something in her snap. Her vision went red and before she knew it she had hit his head with her own. The force of her attack caused him to dent the opposite wall. His face was covered in blood from the injury and he looked shocked, as if not sure what had happened.

Kagura was practically vibrating with anger as she wiped the blood from her own face. She clenched her fists and reined in the urge to beat him to a bloody pulp, as she spat. 'I liked you, you asshole. And I didn't come to see you because I didn't want to be the only one falling in love. I always knew you were an insensitive jerk and that you didn't give a shit about me but I can't believe you'd…' Kagura let out a humorless chuckle before shaking her head and continuing harshly. 'We're done, do you hear me? Don't start a fight with me, don't come near me, don't even look at me. If you do, I swear to the gods, I will kill you. And this time, I mean it.'

Kagura stared at him with all the resentment and anger she was feeling. Ignoring his dumbfounded expression, she turned to leave, but because Kagura was Kagura, she swung her umbrella at him one last time. Any other day, he would have easily anticipated her move and blocked it, but he was still frozen in shock and her attack threw him a few hundred meters away. She hoped she'd at least broken a few of his ribs.

She sprinted her way home, not bothering to wipe the tears running down her face. She wondered how things had gotten this bad. It had only been a few days ago that he'd gathered her into his arms and comforted her. Back then, she had felt safe and cared for and today, he was the person she needed protection from. But she and the sadist had always been like this. They either went full throttle or nothing at all. So, it shouldn't have come as a shock that they hadn't had a calm and rational discussion about things.

Kagura was hurting the way she had been when he'd almost died. Her head was splitting, her tears wouldn't stop, her throat felt clogged and she couldn't breathe, and it felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing her heart.

It makes sense. It's the pain of losing someone. Kagura thought bitterly. But this is what she had wanted. A firm answer so she could figure out what to do next. It just wasn't the one she was hoping, wishing, and praying for.

Upon reaching home, she shut herself in her closet and cried for hours. She would give herself two days. Two days to grieve and sob and mourn her first love. Then, she would move on.