Chapter 8.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," Shizuru was not actually in the church, and she was not speaking to Father Greer. She was in her own cabin, alone, and knelt in her morning prayer, "I cannot banish this strange attraction that I feel for this girl. I do not know if it is her wild beauty that has bewitched me, or her easy kindness, or perhaps, her freedom, which I have never had. But the fact is, this innocent creature has me spellbound, though the spell is of my own weaving and not hers. She is not a sorceress or temptress.
"Indeed, if she knew the dreams I've had of her, I fear she would be horrified. I know these feelings are wrong, Oh Lord, but they simply will not leave me.
"I beseech you, as your servant, to give me strength to hold back these feelings, and allow me to continue only as her friend, for her friendship is truly a blessing that I desire."
Indeed, when she had shared a bed with Natsuki on the night of Mikoto Minagi's arrival, she had been enchanted by the warmth of Natsuki's body pressed against her own, and the scent of the forest woven into her very hair and flesh were an exotic perfume that made her all the more sweet. It was only by a steel will that Shizuru had managed to keep her hands around Natsuki's trunk, and not allowed them to wander anywhere else.
There had also been the kiss they'd shared after a dance lesson only a month prior. The taste of Natsuki's lips was sweeter than the wine of her father's vineyards. But she had told Natsuki it was a means of thanking her for all she had done to help the colony thrive. Certainly, Shizuru reflected, the girl would be alarmed by the feelings that had flowed through Shizuru if she'd but known them.
On another occasion, Natsuki had come back from a hunting trip, and, fatigued, Shizuru had allowed the girl to lay in her lap, and gently stroked her surprisingly silken hair.
"But she is a woman, and I am affianced," Shizuru chided herself, looking at her deceitful crimson eyes in her silver hand mirror, "Though why my father chose such a notorious vermin and Duke Nagi de Artai to be my husband…"
She wondered if she should actually go to Father Greer and ask for his guidance. But she quickly rejected the idea. Not because Greer was a man of the cloth. No. It was because he had been personally selected by Nagi for this colony, and she feared that the details of private confessions were making it to the ear of her soon to be husband. And it was one thing for Nagi to suspect her unnatural attractions, she had decided, but quite another to blatantly have them confirmed to him.
Nothing she had done thus far could be used to damn her to the nobility. After all, sharing a bed with others of her gender was not unheard of for innocent purposes, and even Nagi would have to admit that nothing unseemly had happened at that time. And women of the aristocracy were encouraged to be affectionate, even sisterly, with one another, even as they plotted to stab one another in the back.
Not that Shizuru had any plans to stab Natsuki in the back. She was of noble stock and noble birth, but her years of isolation had given her a perspective that was far too honest and direct for the taste of the existing nobility. While others would beat around the bush with pretty words and flowery sentiment, Natsuki would simply say what it was that she thought in the most direct way possible, leaving nothing for subtlety or doubt. And Shizuru rather admired her for it.
She rose from her kneeling position, and put on the face she showed the colonists, the calm, collected, reserved face of a reasonable, kindly noblewoman who was now the de facto leader of this colony with her husband away on other errands.
"Probably…hopefully…siring his successors with some pretty courtesan who welcomes his loathsome touch," Shizuru sighed.
But she rather doubted it. Nagi had shown little enough interest in her, sexually, but she was absolutely convinced by the way that he reacted to the untamed beauty of Natsuki Kuga that he had no sexual appetite for women in general. Which was very telling, as all the other men in the village of Windbloom were clearly captivated by her beauty, though some of the married men were polite enough to at least make an effort to hide their interest for the sake of their wives.
Shizuru had wondered if Nagi shared her own particular affliction, a taste for his own gender. But she just as quickly dismissed the idea. She'd known such men, and they kept in their service such men as suited their tastes, keeping their interests cloaked in a pretext of service. Nagi's only preference in servants were sycophants who would do his bidding without question and remove themselves from his sight as soon as he gave an order. Indeed, he seemed to have a general disdain for any human being who wasn't himself, though he was skilled at cloaking it in a mask of civility. Indeed, Shizuru reflected, Nagi had dozens of ways to denigrate a man in such flowery, polite language that it would be hours before his targets would understand that they'd been insulted.
It was one reason why, for all her brashness and noise, Shizuru actually preferred the company of Haruka Suzushiro. Unwed, and the self-appointed guardian of public morality and decency, Haruka had a frankness that rivaled Natsuki's, though she often lacked any of Natsuki's calm demeanor, which made the forest princess much more tolerable to the villagers.
Shizuru reflected with wry irony that Natsuki and Haruka actually shared a good deal of belief in what was or wasn't moral, but neither of them would ever recognize it because of their mutual dislike of one another. Haruka felt Natsuki, who had grown accustomed over the years to wearing garments made of animal skins and leaving her arms and legs often bare for free movement, was a bane to public decency. And Natsuki, in turn, mistook Haruka's loudness for a lack of consideration and thought, and mistook the honey-blonde girl for a blithering idiot. That Haruka had a penchant of malapropisms did not help her in Natsuki's eyes.
Shizuru ventured outside, and was greeted almost immediately by Mai Tokiha, walking to the church with Mikoto Minagi in tow.
"Ara, is it Sunday already?" Shizuru blinked, "I wasn't aware that it was time for services."
"It's only Tuesday, Countess," Mai smiled, "This one, though, is being sent to the chapel to do some work for her myriad infractions around the village. And maybe helping to clean outhouses and wash laundry will teach her not to eat every morsel not nailed down."
Shizuru gave Mikoto a pitying glance, though not too pitying, as one of the many morsels that she'd eaten was a peach cobbler that Shizuru had had made with fruit they'd obtained from the recent ships as a treat for Natsuki, who hadn't gotten to try it due to Mikoto's otherworldly appetite. Still, outhouse duty as punishment…Shizuru shuddered.
She heard singing coming from the church, and realized quickly that it was the velvet voice of Alyssa Searrs, Natsuki's half-sister, singing an old pastoral song. It rang through the village beautifully.
"Father Greer asked to hear her sing based on what his daughter, Miyu, told him," Mai informed Shizuru, "I think he intends to form a choir with her as the lead."
"Is Natsuki listening in the church?" Shizuru asked.
"I don't think so. She's not comfortable in there. She said that all of the last people to die had passed in the chapel, and that she'd had to go in and pull them out to bury them. She's…uncomfortable in there, now."
"And she was the only one here to do so," Shizuru nodded, "The smell by the end must have been…unpleasant."
"Oh, I made a new cobbler, if you want to let Natsuki have it," Mai informed her, "Let me drop of Mikoto, and then we can pick it up at my place."
Shizuru waited patiently. Villagers came and went, smiling at her. She smiled back and waved. She noticed the skinny new youth, Harada, walking arm in arm with the widow Senoh.
"Ah to be young and in love," Shizuru sighed. Senoh was only just of marrying age, and she was also the first to be widowed when her husband had passed during the first winter here. His was the only death this winter, in fact, and it was not due to illness, but an unfortunate spill on the ice that had seen the poor man's skull fractured. He died a few days later. Harada had seemed to brighten the widow Senoh's world considerably, and that made Shizuru happy.
"Natsuki wasn't in the chapel, as I expected," Mai said, "Though, she seems to be a believer. I've seen her offer prayers at meals, for example."
"Have you told Father Greer why she is so reticent to come into the chapel?" Shizuru asked.
"I did. He says he's gone to her cabin a few times to pray with her and read scripture, but that he understands her reticence. He would be uneasy going into a place where everyone he'd known had died, too."
"I should expect so."
"You really like the Baroness…Natsuki…"Mai still had trouble wrapping her head around the idea of calling Natsuki by name, but the Baroness had insisted. Her title counted for little in a world where the only thing she owned was her cabin and its contents, even if these days those contents included a heavy chest filled with gold coins.
Shizuru gave Mai a guarded answer, "I consider her a dear friend."
Mai chuckled, "So formal, Countess. Everyone here considers her a dear friend, given what she did for us. But she seems to be fond of you, and rely on you a good deal."
Shizuru nodded, "Well, I was one of the first people she met, on our arrival. And she's no less fond of you, I note."
"Well, she's comfortable around me," Mai said, "But when she has a problem, or needs advice, it's you she goes to. I'm a friend. You're a friend and confidante."
Shizuru smiled, "Well, I suppose you could say that I take comfort in her presence. She survived her alone for so long. Not only survived, but to look at her, I'd say she thrived. Her life has been one of hardships, and yet, she has not only endured, but many could argue that she has prevailed. And if she can conquer such adversity so well, then our problems, miniscule by comparison, should prove no challenge at all."
"That's an interesting perspective," Mai looked thoughtful, "She is a source of inspiration, all right. Though I suspect that's exactly why Haruka doesn't care much for her."
Shizuru smiled, "Well, in her own way, Haruka is inspired by her, too. With such a source of constant temptation around, Haruka is working overtime to maintain the purity of our village's men."
"Well, whatever effect she has on the men, most of the women admire her, too. She's definitely demonstrated that we are hardly the 'weaker sex'. And paying off our indentured servitude the way she did…She's a real folk hero. Pity she doesn't seem to have any feelings of affection for Takeda. He's so smitten with her abilities as a hunter that he wouldn't try to cage her in a domestic life. Because that's definitely what she needs in a husband."
"I can't see her taking a husband," Shizuru said absently, and then hoping, deep down, that it wasn't her own strange desires that were speaking now, "She just seems to me to be a creature born to be free."
"Well, let's hope that's not the case. Everyone needs someone. Speaking of which, I'm really glad that Aoi took a liking to this Harada fellow, but something about him seems off, don't you think?"
"Do you think Harada is a danger to Miss Senoh?"
"No," Mai shook her head, "It's just that…Well, Harada seems to be a gossip. Worse than any of the women around her, in fact. It's not a good quality in a member of the fairer sex, and it's downright awful in a male."
"Well, mayhap I could have ask Father Greer to speak with him about it," Shizuru said, though she decided that it wasn't likely, since she couldn't even feel safe taking her own sinful urges to the priest.
"In any case, here's the cobbler. I hope it's to Natsuki's liking. Knowing her, she'll share with her sister and that wolf of hers."
Shizuru giggled, "Duran is fond enough of your cooking, it's a wonder he hasn't left her side to hang around your cabin all hours of the day."
"I don't think he gets along well with Mikoto. She's very much like a wildcat. I found her sleeping on the cabin roof the other day. So long as I have Mikoto's scent on me, I doubt he'd want to hang around."
"I suppose it's just as well. Natsuki would be sad if she didn't have him around."
Shizuru smiled, and went off to present her gift to Natsuki.
She found her sitting on the deck of her cabin, stringing her bow.
"Ara, is Natsuki going hunting, soon?"
Natsuki shook her head, "No. Just maintenance. You have to take care of your tools, or they'll fail you when you need them."
"I brought a gift for you. We got a shipment of peaches in with the supply ship, and I asked Mai to make a peach cobbler for you. I'm not sure if you had such things before you came to live here, but I thought you might enjoy it, now."
"Thank you," Natsuki leaned over, kissing her cheek.
Shizuru set the cobbler in the cabin on the table, then placed her hands on Natsuki's shoulders.
"Natsuki is a very gracious person," Shizuru smiled at her.
The touch of Natsuki's bare shoulders in her hands was a sweet torment, a tantalizing agony. She wanted to embrace the girl passionately, to kiss her with such fervor that their lips might be fused, to cradle and caress her flesh in her hands, and listen to the song of her ecstasy…
Instead, she began to hum the tune that Nao had played for them on the violin, and began to sway in time to that music, and Natsuki, entranced, began to sway with her.
"Your dancing has come a long way, dearest Natsuki."
"Um…Thank you. You are a good teacher."
"Happy to have helped," Shizuru smiled serenely, "It's the least I can do, after all you've done to help us. Besides, I could do much, much worse for dance partners."
Natsuki blushed, but said nothing.
"Ara, but I have the problems of a whole village to deal with, after all. Just today, Mai was telling me that the Harada fellow is an inveterate gossip. She says Harada gossips worse than any woman."
Natsuki frowned, "But, Shizuru, that's a strange thing to say. Harada is a woman, after all."
Shizuru blinked, "What?"
"You didn't know?" Natsuki looked at her, surprised, as they parted their dannce, "I knew from working with Takeda that many of you had dulled your senses, but I hadn't realized how severely."
"What do you mean?"
"Harada has the scent of a woman. Have you truly not noticed. She is experiencing her monthlies right now, in fact."
Shizuru was now the one who flushed crimson, "But…she's been courting Aoi Senoh! The…the cheek! But…the village will surely have her cast out if they find out."
"Cast out?"
"For her unnatural attractions. She is a woman pursuing another woman. Natsuki, are you certain? There must be no mistake, because I can't go to confront Harada with this only to have an inquisitor examine Harada only to tell me that Harada is a male after all."
"I'm certain," Natsuki looked confused, "But, why does it matter?"
"Natsuki, surely you know that attraction of that sort between two women is a wicked thing?"
Then Natsuki said the words that would strike to Shizuru's core, "But Shizuru, I don't think you wicked when you feel that way about me."