A/N I want to say thank you to all who are reading and reviewing! This is another long one, it's actually 2 chapter that I combined. I was rereading it just now and it seemed to blend well as one longer chapter instead of 2 shorter ones. So now, there are 16 chapters in all, unless I end up combining another couple hehe

hapter 10

3 weeks later

Jack arrives in the infirmary for another check up. He starts to wonder how many more check ups he's going to need. Every time he gets one, it's the same thing. All the tests come back good and Fraiser tells him that he's in good shape but yet she still wants to see him the following week.

General Hammond has also requested to see him while he's here. No doubt to check in and see how he's doing. So far Hammond has been patient and lenient, but Jack knows that he's eager to put SG-1 back on the mission rotation schedule.

Jack isn't sure he wants to go back into the field though. This is something he's been kicking around since his whole ordeal happened. He hasn't mentioned it to Sam yet, he knows he needs to though. The thought of Sam brings a smile to his face. He's so glad they are working things out. So is everyone else, in fact. Their friends and family were ecstatic when they learned that the two of them decided to try again.

They have, however, decided to take things a little more slowly. They both realized that they have issues to work through. Personal issues, and issues with each other. They make a point to talk openly for at least thirty minutes everyday, more if they can manage it. Sam is still busy working on her various projects, while Jack is usually home, so time isn't always something they have a lot of.

He knows that Hammond wanted him to come back to work already but Fraiser decided that he needed more time. Not to heal physically, Selmak took care of that, but to heal mentally and emotionally. Jack hates to admit it though, but what happened was traumatic. He still has no memory of the event, but the reports he read and the things his friends told him paint a pretty clear picture.

Sam told him her version of that day, chills ran down his spine the more she spoke. He's also had several nightmares. He's lost count of how many times he's woken up in the night breathing hard and sweating. Though it's not just what happened to him that he sees in his dreams, it's what Selmak shared with him.

Jack has since shared that intel with Hammond who then had the address to that planet locked out of the dialing computer. Daniel also recommended that they make some sort of buoy to warn others of traveling to that planet.

What bothers Jack most about this whole thing, isn't getting shot, or dying, but that he was completely caught off guard. He trusted those people on the planet, he remembers feeling at ease there. His entire team could have been killed, not just him. If it hadn't been for Sam's quick reaction then they might all have died that day.

He's so proud of her for the way she handled herself. He may not remember it, but Daniel and Teal'c were quick to say how she took charge and got everyone home. Sam herself is too modest to make such a claim. Jack wonders if he would have been able to handle the situation if it had been her that went down. And it's that thought that's made him question whether or not he should even be in the field anymore.

It's not just the thought of something happening to his girlfriend, but to any member of his team. As the leader, Jack is responsible for all of their safety. He feels as though he let them down. It's his job to look out for any potential danger, and he blew it on that mission.

Jack has actually been kicking around retiring. Sam, will tell him not to, but will also respect whatever he decides. He appreciates that about her. She has always been supportive. If he's honest with himself, he wants to retire not because he's done with the action, but because he's terrified that he will make another bad judgment call. Next time it could be someone else who gets hurt.

"Um, Sir, are you getting off the elevator?" Some airman says, pulling Jack out of his thoughts.

Jack looks up, startled, he was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't notice the elevator had stopped on sublevel 27. "Uh yeah, thanks airman," Jack says as he collects himself and exits the elevator.

A moment later he's knocking on Hammond's door. After hearing the 'Come,' Jack enters the small office and takes a seat opposite General Hammond.

Jack watches as Hammond moves some papers around on his desk before the older man looks up, "How are you doing Colonel?"

"I'm fine," comes Jack's automatic response.

Hammond nods, "Yes, according to Doctor Fraiser, you're completely healed."

Now Jack nods his head and says, "Yep, ole Selmak did a pretty good job."

Hammond studies Jack, narrows his eyes and asks again, "So, how are you?"

Jack arches an eyebrow and replies, "I'm fine."

Hammond folds his hands on the desk, looks down, then looks at Jack with a slight smile and says, "That may work on someone else, but it won't work on me. I know you too well Jack."

Jack sighs, he should have known Hammond wouldn't fall for that. Sam didn't either. Come to think of it, neither did Daniel and Teal'c, though neither of them called him on it. Jack knows that Hammond isn't trying to put him on the spot, he's just doing his job, and being a friend.

Hammond is responsible for this entire base, and Jack is his second in command and leader of the flagship team. Hammond needs to know if Jack can still handle those responsibilities or not.

Jack also knows that Hammond isn't a beat around the bush kind of person. That's actually something they both have in common. Though Jack realizes right now that he's only direct and down to business when it comes to work, his personal life is another matter.

"Colonel?" Hammond questions.

Jack looks up, Hammond is now looking at him with concern. He must have sat there for too long without saying anything. "Um, I'm uh…" Jack stammers, he's not actually sure what to say.

"Take your time, son," Hammond says kindly.

Jack sits there for a moment longer, trying to think of something to say. He's had a hard time staying focused lately. On more than one occasion he's spaced out while talking to Sam. He's not sure if this is an effect of his blending with Selmak or the entire situation.

He thinks back to a few weeks ago when he told Sam that this time things feel different. He wasn't really sure what he meant by that. He's been injured on missions before, he's even died on a mission before, they all have. So why does this feel so different?

"Jack, are you alright?" Jack looks up sharply to see Hammond staring back at him. The man looks really concerned now.

Jack clears his throat, "Sorry, Sir."

"Maybe you should consider talking to someone," Hammond suggests.

"You mean a shrink, Sir? No thanks," Jack retorts.

"Jack, you're going to have to have a psych evaluation if you want to return to active duty. It's standard procedure," Hammond says, patiently.

Jack almost says that he's not sure he wants to return, but refrains. He probably shouldn't say anything until he's sure of what he wants to do.

"Yes Sir," is all Jack says.

"Have you at least spoken to Major Carter about things?" Hammond asks.

Hammond is not the type of man to intrude into the personal lives of his subordinates, or his friends, so for him to ask such a thing shows how much he does care.

"Yes Sir," Jack replies.

Hammond nods, "Good," he takes a breath and Jack knows what's coming next, "I need to get SG-1 back on the mission rotation. I need you to tell me if you're going to be joining them. If not, I'll have to find a replacement."

Yep, there it is. Jack knew that was coming, he's known for a while now. He's actually surprised that Hammond hasn't brought it up before today. Especially since Doc Frasier has declared him medically fit for duty. Hammond gave him a couple weeks off to recoup and sort things out, but now that time appears to be up.

Jack doesn't really want to go on a mission. He also doesn't really want his team to go on a mission without him. He groans to himself, if he tells Hammond he's done, he's probably going to regret it. If he tells Hammond he wants back in, he'll have to go get that psych evaluation. He's not worried about failing the evaluation, he knows what to say to pass, he's done that enough times. No, his real fear is that he'll make a bad decision and get his team killed.

"I'll be with them Sir," Jack says before he can fully talk himself out of it. He also doesn't want to quit because he's scared. If he does that, he will risk losing all confidence.

Hammond, unaware of Jack's inner conflict, just nods and says, "Good. I'll set up an appointment with Doctor Mackenzie for you."

"Yes Sir," Jack says.

"Dismissed," Hammond replies.

Jack nods once more, then gets up and leaves Hammond's office. He finds himself heading towards Sam's lab, seeing her will make all his fears go away.

Jack passed his psych evaluation, he knew he would. He's always passed them. So now here he is gearing up for his first official mission since getting shot and dying. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't nervous, though he keeps that information to himself. He figures the nerves will wear off once he's out in the action, or at least that's what he hopes.

Jack notices Daniel and Teal'c quietly leave the room. He can feel Sam watching him so he sighs and says, "I'm fine."

Sam sighs and walks over to stand beside him, "You've been really quiet ever since we got this mission. If you aren't ready, that's alright."

"I am ready," Jack says, turning around and trying not to get frustrated.

"What I'm trying to say is that if you need more time, it's alright. You have nothing to prove," Sam says, consolingly.

"I have something to prove to myself," he replies, turning back around and fiddling with his jacket that is still hanging up.

"What do you mean?" Sam asks.

"Nothing," Jack says. He knows she won't let that go but he tries anyways.

"Jack, we're supposed to be honest with each other."

Jack hangs his head, turns around, and looks her in the eye for the first time, "You're right."

Sam cups his face with her hand and asks, "What's really going on?"

Jack leans into her hand then reaches up and takes her hand in his, "I just, I just think that if I don't get out there now then I never will. I need to prove to myself that I still can."

Sam smiles and nods, "I understand."

"What if it happens again?" Jack asks.

"What if you get injured again?"

"No, what if I trust someone I shouldn't again and you, or Daniel, or Teal'c get killed because of it?" Now he is frustrated, frustrated with himself. He sees understanding dawn on Sam. He hasn't actually expressed this to her before. They've talked about all kinds of things and both have learned a lot about the other, but he's still working on being more open about the here and now.

"Jack, the people who," she gestures, unable to finish the sentence, "They fooled all of us, not just you. No one saw it coming, and we still don't know why they did it. Though apparently from what you said Selmak told you, they've been doing this for a long time."

Jack looks down to the floor. He knows he's being irrational, he knows that what happened wasn't his fault, but as leader, he is responsible. He's responsible for everything that happens when they're on a mission. Decisions he makes affect the lives of those with him. If one of them gets hurt or killed, it's on him.

"Jack, look at me," Sam says. When he finally looks at her she adds, "All four of us talked about how nice those people seemed. I know Daniel trusts everyone, and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. But you and Teal'c, Jack, it's hard for anyone to earn your trust. The mere fact that both you and Teal'c trusted those people, tells me something. It wasn't a failure on your part. They were just really good at hiding their true nature."

"I know you're right, but," he trails off, unsure of what he's trying to say. He supposes that he's afraid of getting duped like that again. He's always had good instincts, and his distrust of people has saved his butt on more than one occasion.

Sam tips his chin up with her finger and says kindly, "We trust you. I trust you."

Those simple words fill him with confidence. Just like they did when she said those same words to him a few weeks ago. If his team can trust him, then maybe he can trust himself too. He really wants to kiss her right now but knows it would be inappropriate. Oh who cares, he grabs her face, leans in, and captures her lips. He is rewarded by her enthusiastic response.

After their lips part ways, Sam says, "You should probably know that General Hammond ordered me to take command if…"

"I know," he says, cutting off the rest of what she was about to say.

She frowns, "You know?"

"Yeah, I figured it out when he said, 'Major Carter will take over in the event that you are unable to carry on as mission commander,'" Jack says using air quotes.

At her dumbfounded look he leans over and pecks her lips once more. Then with an air of levity that he hasn't felt in what seems like forever, he walks out of the gear up room, bound for the gate room. He hears Sam close on his heels. He can do this, with her by his side, and the rest of his team, he can do this.

What was he thinking, he can't do this. Jack curses himself as he hides behind a rock getting pounded by staff blast after staff blast. Daniel is to his right, crouched behind another rock, Sam is to this left, and Teal'c is behind a tree a few feet away.

Sam and Daniel fire their weapons, and Teal'c is firing a steady stream of blasts from his staff weapon. Jack knows he should be firing back too but he feels frozen. Is he afraid of getting shot again? Or is he afraid of someone on his team getting shot? Jack suddenly realizes that his inaction could result in the very thing he's hoping to avoid.

Jack knows he has to get out of his head and start taking action. He no sooner finishes that thought when he sees an enemy Jaffa approaching, closing in on Daniel's position. He somehow managed to sneak around their defenses. Without further thought, Jack opens fire, downing the approaching Jaffa.

Daniel wizzes around, startled by the sudden gunfire from his left. He gives Jack a grateful nod and continues his assault.

After a few more minutes of back and forth, SG-1 finally somewhat gains the upper hand. Teal's has maneuvered himself closer to the rest of them and is continuing to fire, Sam is still behind her rock doing the same. Jack orders Daniel to dial the gate and lays down cover fire.

After Daniel gets the gate dialed and sends the iris code, Jack orders him and Sam through while he and Teal'c cover them. Jack keeps one eye on the offending Jaffa and one eye on his team running through the gate. Knowing their advantage has reached its end, Jack shouts to Teal'c that it's their turn. Teal'c fires several more staff blasts and Jack an innumerable amount of rounds before they both get up and run to the waiting stargate.

After getting their medicals, SG-1 heads to the briefing room for their debrief. There wasn't much to tell. They went to the planet, looked around, found an army of Jaffa, and fought their way back through the gate. Pretty much how all of their missions go.

Hammond was satisfied with their account of the events and reminded them to get their reports ready.

After being dismissed, Teal'c goes to his room to Kelno'reem, Daniel goes to look at some translations, and Jack finds himself in Sam's lab.

"You alright?" Sam asks.

"Yeah," Jack responds. He wants to ask her her opinion on how things went on their mission, but he can't seem to figure out how to bring it up.

"You did a great job out there," Sam says as if reading his thoughts. He cannot figure out how she does that.

Jack just looks at her, she's truly amazing.

"I think you handled yourself exceptionally well," she says as she starts tinkering with some doohickey.

"You think so?" Jack asks, then adds, "You never thought about taking command?"

Sam stops and looks him in the eye, "Not once."

"I was scared," Jack says before he can stop himself. He hadn't meant to say that. Now she's gonna think he's an idiot.

"So was I," she says, completely surprising him, then adds, "Every time we encounter an enemy I get scared, or anytime we get captured, or shot at."

"You do?" Jack asks. He himself always feels a sense of trepidation, but he wouldn't have called it fear. Today he was scared out of his mind.

"Of course I do. I never know if that's going to be the mission I don't come back from. Or if one of you guys doesn't come back," Sam tells him, then adds, "That's how I felt a few weeks ago too."

"Sam,"

"I always thought I had to be tough, that fear wasn't an option. I thought that if I were scared then I didn't belong out there," she pauses to make sure he's listening, when she's satisfied, she continues, "Long story short, Teal'c set me straight."

"Teal'c?" Jack says, surprised.

"Yeah, he told me that if I didn't have fear, then I would be reckless and that I would be sure to get myself or others killed. Having fear isn't the problem, it's normal to be scared when you're being shot at, or in some other dangerous situation. He also said that fear can be a tool, a tool that helps you make good decisions. A true warrior is one who uses his fear to his advantage. Ever since he told me that, I didn't feel so bad for being afraid, and you shouldn't either. You may have been afraid, but it didn't stop you from doing what needed to be done."

Jack thinks about that for a moment. He can't imagine Teal'c being afraid, ever. What he said makes sense though, a person is more reckless without fear. It's not even really fear of dying that bothers him, it's the fear of getting his team killed. Making a bad call in the field is the quickest way to do just that.

He thinks about fear being a tool. He has never thought of it like that before, but it makes sense. Now Jack thinks back to a conversation he had with Sam a couple weeks ago about yet another kind of fear. She told him that that fear would help prevent him from making the same mistake again. Fear in the field is no different. If he uses it, then maybe he'll keep his team safe. He will also have to thank Teal'c for being so wise.

"Marry me," Jack freezes as the words leave his mouth. He can't believe he just said that. He wasn't planning on it right at this moment. He's not even sure where it came from.

Sam's eyes also go big, "What?"

Jack looks at her, he may not have meant to ask her that question right now, but he means it. He's wanted to ask her this for a long time. He's not sure why he picked right now, in her lab to ask, but something just felt right so the words came out. He supposes he could back track and say he didn't mean to say that or something but he doesn't want to. Now that the words have been said, he wants an answer, and he's pretty confident in what it'll be so he says again, "I said, marry me."

"Jack, I," she stammers.

Jack grabs her hand, "I know we said we were going to take things slow, but I didn't ask you this when I first wanted to and look what happened. My ex came to town and we broke up, then I died and came back," he pauses, then finishes, "I think we both know that this is inevitable, so why wait any longer? How many more chances will we get? You were right, the next mission could be the last one. The last one nearly was, if it hadn't been for Selmak, that would have been the mission I didn't come back from. I don't want to wait any longer, so marry me, please," Jack says and waits nervously for her answer.

Jack can see Sam taking in everything he said. He knows he caught her off guard by asking now, he caught himself off guard too. He has no idea how a conversation about fear led to a marriage proposal, he hadn't even been thinking about it when the words popped out. He knows the moment he has his answer, and his heart nearly bursts before she even says the word.

Her lips turn upward in a sly smile, and her eyes glisten with unshed tears as she says, "Yes."