A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed and made lovely comments on the last chapter, they mean the world to me and I do hope you enjoy this. My thanks as usual to my mate Flossy who is lucky enough to live where you are still free to have little holidays … not jealous … much

-OG-

"What is it then? Come on tell me…"

Molly could hear the mixture of fear and impatience in her voice, his words or maybe how he'd said them had sent her imagination into overdrive again, her first thought was that maybe he was hiding that he was ill or something. He'd looked a bit shit when he'd come in, although he did look better now, but even as the thought took hold, she knew he'd never in a million years have messed about teasing her and saying about babies if it was something like that. He'd have come straight out and told her, he knew she'd cope if that was it. It was just sometimes his idea and hers about what was hurtful were bloody poles apart.

"Are you Tom and Dick, cos if that's what it is, just say …"

"What? No of course I'm not ill, and of course I'd tell you, I'm just not sure where to bloody start" He took a deep breath and wiped a hand over his eyes "You know Moll … sometimes the people I work with … are such a bunch of … fuckwits … arseholes" He paused "Alright, maybe that's not entirely fair, not all of them, but there's one hell of a lot of dick waving, and politics are involved in everything … no-one warned me that this job would be all about keeping the fucking media on side … watching what you say … Oh I know that it's the same with every job … to a degree, …especially if the iob is with an NGO, all of them include an element of playing the game by the same rules … but I didn't stop to consider that my number one priority was going to be weighing up every fucking word that came out of my mouth" He voice was low and deep as he shook his head and paused, he was obviously picking his words carefully "Watching that I never say anything that could come back and bite … it's an unbelievable head fuck … and the same when you realise no-one actually gives a flying fuck for the poor bastards we're supposed to be helping … "

"You do…"

"Yeah … I do … and again … probably not being fair I'm sure I'm not the only one … but it just seems everything is fine as long as we get the right headlines … and the right fucking politician gets a pat on the back … it's all fine as long as the money keeps rolling in …"

"Really … bad as that?"

"Probably not … I'm just … you know Moll, I look at the kids with their pot bellies … skinny as hell but just sitting there not really making a fuss because they haven't got the energy, poor little sods never get enough to eat and most of them sick as well as starving … no proper roof over their heads and no access to doctors or medicines …"

"I know …"

"Nope … you don't … you really don't, and I can't expect you to … probably just as well, because knowing you you'd have them all on the first plane home … and no-one apart from those who've seen it for themselves really knows … what you see on the news is bad enough and it's sanitised Moll, oh they make bloody sure it's bad enough so the people sitting on their sofa eating their tea feel guilty about all the kids with their big eyes and the flies crawling round their mouths, their sad little faces are enough to make people watching at home put their hands in their pockets, but not bad enough to show what a stinking hell-hole it really is. And definitely never bad enough to make people grab the remote and switch off"

"You're doing your best …"

"Yep, sadly it's not enough … and it's not the amount of aid, there's shit-loads pouring in… it's just not making a difference to all those poor bloody parents who do what they can …. and dodge the bombs at the same time … although what the fuck they think they're achieving dropping bombs on the place I couldn't tell you, there's fuck-all left anyway … some bastard politician somewhere in his nice safe office obviously thinks it's a good idea" He paused and shook his head ruefully "When I was still serving … I …" He hesitated "I pretty much knew what was expected of me, what I was doing … and most of the time I felt as if I was doing a pretty bloody good pf it"

"You were … you are …"

"You're biased … but I suppose I knew what my role was and what we were trying to achieve … and there was a chain of command to make sure we all worked towards a common aim … not that I always agreed with it, but nevertheless, it was there … I suppose what I'm saying is we were a family …working together"

"Not all of the time … 'n not everyone … some were a bit shit …" She smiled remembering some of the more pithy comments he'd made over the years about people in his charge or the ones he'd had to work with and then grimaced, he wasn't even vaguely amused. She actually wasn't even sure he'd heard what she'd said, he was staring into space "You saying this is different?"

"Very" He huffed "The Red Cross and the DWP lot are doing their best, but it's an impossible bloody ask, the problems are massive, Moll and no-one seems to know what the fuck they're doing about them…. aid is all very well, but it's a bloody drop in the ocean" He ran his hand over his hair and tugged at the curls on the back of his neck "We're pouring bloody aid in there but it's not enough, it's not making a scrap of bloody difference to anything Moll … it's still the same shit-hole, kids are still starving and dying … and it's not what I thought I was signing up for"

"I know …"

Molly wanted to hug him, she hadn't consciously thought about it that much, but she couldn't pretend she didn't know he wasn't happy in the job, it wouldn't have taken a genius to work that one out. Right at the beginning he'd been so sure he could help, had keen to do his bit, make changes, and it wasn't like he thought he was Superman or anything, he'd just wanted to make things better. And she'd never heard him talk like it before, he sounded gutted when he'd always been Mr Cool, had always worked his bloody socks off to make sure he kept his emotions out of it. He'd told her loads of times that you can't do your best job if you let them get involved.

It was no secret him still missing the army, but then being in was all he'd ever wanted to do so it was bound to take time for him to adjust. She just hadn't known quite how bad it was. And she knew him missing army life was only a part of it, he really was unhappy. Listening to him was making her heart hurt.

-OG-

His arrival in the Yemen had been one hell of an eye-opener for him, almost the first thing he'd found out was how many truckloads of desperately needed aid were stuck in makeshift bloody warehouses because the people on the ground, who should have been moving heaven and bloody earth to get it freed, were far too busy listening to tittle tattle and bickering about who should have the biggest say in the distribution. He'd been so bloody angry. And frustrated. And politics had dictated that he had to hide his feelings. And being stuck on his arse in a basement bomb shelter for the best part of a week as wave after wave of bombs called a halt to everything, and hoping and praying they had shit aim, did nothing to help. Except to force him to reassess and look very closely at his role in the whole bloody debacle.

"What you gonna do?"

"I haven't told you the best bit yet … " He ignored her question and looked away, unwilling to meet her eyes "Sasha"

The icing on the cake of his frustrated impotent anger was being forced to share the same space as Sasha. Not only had he had to spend hours sitting with a bunch of people he hadn't got a lot of time for, but he'd also had to accept that it was purely a matter of time before the lies she was spreading began circulating under the heading of no smoke without fire. It wouldn't take long for them to be re-classified as the truth.

"Sasha? What … that Sasha? What about her?"

"She was there"

"There? How come? I mean … thought she was gone … that's what you told me, that they fired her for what she did … How was she even there?"

Oh shit. Molly knew without a shadow of doubt that this was what he'd been brooding over. True, everything else was obviously a big part of how bad he was feeling, but this was what had hit him like a fucking truck. Someone they thought had disappeared up her own arse.

"She was … but in their wisdom the powers that be decided it would be best if they quietly let her go, showed her the door with no reference of course but no fuss either, that it would be in everyone's best interest to keep it out of the headlines … and I agreed, unbelievable as it seems, I also thought it was for the best. I don't know if you remember all the trading sex for aid shit that was hitting the fan?

"Yeah, course I do … remember all about all of it" She shrugged.

"Someone somewhere decided the media would think all their Christmasses had come at once if they got wind of it, and people always believe the worst … and God help me … I agreed, but that left her free to just move on somewhere else … I think she signed something, but…" He shrugged and shook his head, deciding not to mention Sasha finding it easy because they'd have snatched her hand off, she was good at her job and people knew that "No-one … except a few people in HR and one or two others, knew anything about what had gone on and now she's re-writing history with herself as some sort of "me too" victim …. and there's fuck-all I can do about it"

"What? Why not? You telling me she's lying to people about you and she's gonna get away with it?"

"Probably … I'll be talking to HR to see what we can do … but … I don't hold out very much hope"

"Fuck … that's so not fair … you know, I don't really 'old with 'itting people, but I'm bloody willing to make an exception for 'er, I'd be 'appy to push her bleeding teeth down 'er throat, make her sorry she ever opened her lying gob"

"I know you would…" He sniggered "And I'd love you to, believe me I'm very tempted to take you up on the offer, but then I'd have to bail you out … Christmas would be a bit shit if you're behind bars"

"S'pose… it's just so not fair when you didn't do anything wrong …"

"Thank you"

"What for? It's the truth innit? Just … you know, it's hard when you 'ave to let her win … did you 'ave to talk to her?"

Molly had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that with all the rest of the shit, with him being so pissed off with thinking what he was doing was making no difference to anyone that he was close to saying fuck it and telling them where they could shove their poxy job. And if that was what he wanted she'd be with him all the way, but not if it was because of that cow, that was going to happen over her dead body. Although she had no idea what she could do about any of it.

"Of course I did, I had to be civilised didn't I? Had to pretend I didn't want to stab the duplicitous little bitch"

"If I knew what one of them was …?" Molly tried to giggle.

"Believe me you don't want to… and I'm going to do everything I can to try and stop her little game … I'm just not sure what I can do" He folded his arms behind his head on the pillow and shrugged "Might not have any say in it … wouldn't come as a huge surprise if I'm summoned to a meeting with some HR person I've never seen before in my life … so they can explain how sorry they are, and that it's nothing personal, just someone somewhere thinks it would be for the best … but best for whom? And of course it's fucking personal …"

"They can't do that … not when they know you haven't done anything…"

"Probably not … but I'm not sure anymore what it is I do want, although I'm not going to just sit there and let it happen … there's no way I'm going to be the nice guy and fall on my sword"

"Good … and you know that probably none of it will even 'appen … but if they are stupid enough to say anything like that, tell 'em you'll sue … but don't worry, they won't, they know what she's like Charlie, why would they believe anything comes out her mouth …. And there's laws against sayin' stuff about people that you know isn't true … it'll all be alright … and then when she's crawled back under her rock, I'll go 'n punch her bleeding lights out" Molly paused "She needs one of them government health warnings tattooed on her bum"

He was still lying with his arms folded behind his head and seemed miles away as he stared up at the bedroom ceiling and Molly turned her head to look at him, she was desperate to make him feel better or at least make him forget for a little while so turned her head and kissed his chest, feeling him jump when she grazed her teeth over his nipple. She slid her leg over his thigh, and then without saying a word moved her hand to his groin and heard him groan when she cupped him. She tightened her hold as he began to unfurl against her fingers, quickly getting harder and thicker until he was rigid, and involuntarily thrusting against her hold, his eyes closing as she bent her head to run the tip of her tongue over him, spreading the bead of moisture that had formed.

"If you do that, I'll be lucky if I get to last 10 bloody seconds"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No"

His voice was a low growl as he moved his arms to bury his hands in her hair, she could see him biting his lip as in spite of what he'd said he held her head where it was. She heard a sharp intake of breath as she took him in her mouth. She knew it was going to be quick for him, but wasn't going to be enough for her and straddled him in one swift move without even pausing to allow her body time to adjust to him. There was some vague idea in her head that she didn't want him to have time to stop and think and maybe take over. Despite the earlier blinding orgasm that had left her feeling utterly satisfied with limbs that were aching slightly, there had been this tiny flickering flame of sensation hovering somewhere deep in her pelvis. A flicker that she knew wouldn't take much to become the blazing bonfire that every fibre of her body was craving as he moved to hold her hips and help her set a rhythm and pace that they both needed. He narrowed his eyes to watch her move up and down on him with her hair falling in heavy curtains on both sides of her face and a look of deep concentration on her face.

She seemed to be almost holding her breath as she concentrated everything she had on something that was just out of her reach and was grinding against him as sensations were building steadily until she reached the peak. A wave of intense pleasure swept through her, her muscles all tightening round him. She knew he was very close to the point of no return, he was getting thicker and harder with every thrust until he seemed to stop breathing altogether and arched his back, using his hands to jam her hips down on him as he held her as tightly on him as he could. He lifted his chin, doing his best to stifle his involuntary shout as powerful spasms of exquisite pleasure began pulsing through him, as wave after wave pumped a warm flood of him deep inside her.

His face on the pillow looked as if it had been ironed. Hard as he'd tried he hadn't been able to keep his eyes open, he simply couldn't stay awake, and as soon as he'd given up the struggle he'd been having with himself and fallen asleep she watched all the little worry lines and frowns disappear. What she didn't know and he didn't tell her was that it had been more than 48 hours since he'd last had any sleep, not that she minded him dropping off, she was too busy giving herself a bollocking. What the bloody hell had she been thinking? Or maybe it was more what she hadn't been thinking. She loved him to bits, hated that he was unhappy, but she'd seduced him. Actually sort of twice. And all those stupid thoughts and feelings that she hadn't quite managed to get her head round were no excuse, even if they had been a bit understandable given everything that had gone on, but now she sort of felt she should be sorry, but wasn't. Well, except she was, not about what has happened, but for not using anything. All that stuff she'd hidden about how his life and goals and the rest had changed, and how she'd been sure his feelings about her were bound to have changed as well, had gone. His feelings hadn't changed, he didn't regret her.

Still falling for another one hadn't even been on her bloody radar, had it? The subject had only come up in the last hour, less than that, only after that first time. They hadn't talked about it, not once, well except to say they weren't having anymore and she didn't want another one, did she? All those little niggles of feeling a bit hollow, like there was something missing was all probably down to her bloody hormones still being all over the shop. They had four kids already, and four was enough, everyone knew that, including the both of them, so what the fuck had she even been playing at? And she didn't know what was in his head either, although it was different for him wasn't it? Now lying there watching his eyelashes flutter on his cheekbones in time with his soft breathing, she was filled with this wave of love for him. She had this vague memory of reading something somewhere about if you get up and pee straight after sex you're less likely to get caught, but even as she thought about dragging herself out of bed she began to have these niggling doubts if she'd remembered it right. She wasn't sure now if it could have been about avoiding something else entirely.

And she was having such a job dragging herself out of bed, and was in fact too tired and comfortable to even bother that much about sleeping on the wet patch.

-OG-

She woke to the feeling of being trapped by something heavy over her legs and to the feel of his early morning erection hard and insistent against the soft pillow of her bum. In spite of his legs being over her, she moved back slightly against him thinking he was still asleep until his arm snaked round her and he chuckled as his fingers began to circle gently between her thighs. She gave into just enjoying every little bit of the sensations he was creating. They'd always loved early morning sex, half-asleep sex had probably been her most favourite thing, although there hadn't been a lot since Livvie was born. Alright none at all actually. Broken nights and simmering resentments and a screaming baby needing feeding together with a filthy nappy had all got in the way.

"You showing off?"

"Yup … probably … can't help it, can I? It's your fault, I'm very weak-willed where you're concerned, but I don't have to tell you, you already know that"

She could hear the smirk as he pushed her hair out of his way with his nose and kissed across the back of her neck, and then shifted himself fractionally until he was poised and ready. And without thinking too much about what she was doing, Molly let the sensations he was creating with his fingers flood over her and moved to make it easy for him.

"Please tell me you're close …" His voice was thick and filled with urgency as he struggled to hold back the explosion of pleasure he could feel was close to roaring through him "Oh fuck …. "

He stopped talking and held his breath in a last ditch vain attempt to stop the inevitable and then succumbed to the release his body had been craving ever since he'd woken curled up close to her warm naked body. But she was a long way from close.

"You owe me …" Molly giggled, the one thing she'd never done was fake it or pretend, he'd have hated it if she had.

"Sorry" He snorted a laugh "That was very selfish of me … I'll make it up to you " He laughed again "You might need to give me a bit of time …"

"A BIT? Now I know you're bleeding showing off" Molly giggled "'Anyway wasn't we s'posed to be waiting out … that's what you said, didn't feel much like it to me … you know I'm not sure I'm up for it, we got enough kids already"

"We're not trying …"

"We're not not trying neither are we? …Cos if we are we're making a pretty shit job of it"

"You know… just what I was thinking …before you woke me up demanding more sex.."

"Stop lying" Molly was giggling "I did not 'n that was you woke me up …"

"Possibly … " He groaned and buried his head under the pillow muttering something about her timing improving as Millie pushed open the door and stood silhouetted by the landing light. She looked angelic in her nightie with her thumb in her mouth and her hair a mass of tangled dark curls, Mr Fuggley hanging from her other hand by what they'd always thought was supposed to be his ear.

"Mummy … who you talking to?" She peered across the dark room as Molly snapped on the bedside light "Mr Fuggley's cold, can we get in your bed?"

"No you can't … " It wasn't that she didn't want her exactly, it was more instinct because she was wondering where her 't' shirt had got to. Probably at the foot of the bed somewhere or on the floor with his boxers when she'd seduced him and she didn't want to have to explain their nakedness "Go back to bed Mills, it's too early to get up yet, go 'n … dunno …look at your book or something and be quiet will you? Don't wake the others" Millie was standing by her side of the bed looking pathetic and hard done by until she realised it was Charles in the bed with his head still stuck under his pillow.

"It's Daddy … I didn't know it was Daddy, you said he wouldn't be home till I'd had two sleeps Mummy and I only had one" Millie tore round the foot of the bed and bent down to peer closely at Charles who murmured something about wondering who the hell she'd expected to find in bed with Molly, before sheepishly trying to look as if he hadn't been hiding from her "Can I get in your side with you Daddy? My feet are cold"

"Come on Button… you heard what Mummy said …chop chop …"

"Back to bed" They'd both spoken at the same time after she'd given him a sharp little jab under his ribs, she'd known he was about to let her get in with them "You can see Daddy later on … now go 'n put your slippers on if you got cold feet … or get back in bed"

Millie stuck her thumb back in her mouth and gave Molly a thoroughly disgruntled glare before realising she could take advantage.

"Daddy can take me to school, he can go and talk to Miss Wallis, Mummy, he'll tell her I got to be a rat … he's better at it that you are"

"Who's Miss Whatsit?"

"Dunno exactly, Teacher's Aid or student or something … 'n we'll talk 'bout it later on Millie …. now go on and be quiet"

"Can I go and watch tele?"

Millie was deliberately pushing her luck, with an unerring instinct for knowing when she could almost certainly get her own way because the grown-ups were anxious to get rid of her.

"Yeah, go on then … be cold 'n dark down there so slippers and your cardi please … and don't open the kitchen door … don't want Patchey up 'ere, waking everyone up"

"Mummy … do you know something … it smells funny in here" She wrinkled her nose at them pulling a face before swaggering off, delighted to have got her own way, before Molly had a chance to lie and say it was the cheese. The bedroom reeked of sex.

"She's a bloody good contraceptive … say that for her"

"'bout five minutes too late for that …"

"And who the fuck did she expect to find in bed with my wife?"

"Dunno … Friday innit today, 'ave to look at the list"

"Bloody funny … haha … what did she mean about a rat?"

"They're not doing Mary and Joseph n all that this year, they're doing the Pied Piper and she wanted to be one of the rats … only so she could crawl round the floor wearing brown tights with a tail … and 'aving 'er face painted … instead she's one of the children, she wants someone to go 'n tell em … think you just got elected, you 'eard 'er, you're better at it than me"

Molly was giggling, which made him laugh.

"And am I going to?"

"Nah, course not … she'd gonna 'ave to put up with it …" She looked at the expression on his face and shook her head "You can't always fight 'er battles for 'er"

"I know …so … what about the others?"

"Markie's doing a bit of the whatsit, the narration, he's reading a verse of the poem … there's four of them doing that I think"

"Is he?" Charles raised his eyebrows and frowned "Is he going to be okay doing that?"

"Yeah course … he's a really good reader 'n he doesn't 'ave to act or look at anyone or anything, hasn't gptta worry about remembering lines … he's gonna be fine, and looking after them chickens has done him the world of bloody good … just don't say anything to make him think there's something to be nervous about will you?"

"Of course not …what do you take me for? And what about Lady Macbeth?"

"She's singing … the choir are doing the usual carol singing bit at the end … and if I hear "Little Donkey" one more time I'm gonna cancel our bloody subscription to the sodding Donkey Sanctuary …"

"Didn't know we had one …"

"We 'aven't … just sayin'"

-OG-