Fighting Destiny 8

Chapter 22 Nothing Matters

"

Tara couldn't find the energy to hate Gemma for killing Baby Nate. The only emotion she felt was exhaustion and the overwhelming feeling of loss. Her life was never going to be the same again. She was never going to be OK. This wasn't a nightmare she could wake up from; this was her life now.

Jax stared at Tara unable to believe what he'd just heard. He and Tara hadn't discussed what happened to Baby Nate. He thought he might have just quit breathing. He'd once fixed a guy's car that lost his daughter that way.

"What happened?" Jax asked.

"I was holding Baby Nate," Tara said in a voice barely above a whisper. Tears fell down her face. "I didn't know it was the last time I'd ever hold my baby again. If I hadn't come to do that consultation, I might have been able to save him."

"It isn't your fault," Jax said.

"It's Gemma's." Tara took a deep breath and tried to compose herself. "I told her to put him down for his nap on his back. I . . . told . . . her . . . not . . . to sleep with him," Tara said. She had to pause between some words, her voice broke and she was sobbing. "I came back. She was sleeping on the couch with him. He was sort of wedged between her and the couch. I picked him up and knew something was wrong. He wasn't breathing." Tara covered her face with her hands as though she were trying to block out the memory.

"It was an accident," Jax said.

Tara dropped her hands to her lap and looked at Jax, her eyes swimming with tears.

"I told her to not sleep with him. She caused this. She killed my baby. She killed our son."

Jax knew Gemma was overbearing and controlling—just two of her many faults, but she loved her grandsons maybe even more than she loved him. She would never hurt the boys. It was a tragic accident. Nothing more.

There was no way that Gemma would have ever done something to hurt Baby Nate. She loved that little guy and loved nothing more than babysitting her grandsons. Tara wasn't being rational. What happened to Baby Nate was a horrible accident. Jax was sure that in time Tara would see that and not blame Gemma.

It would destroy Gemma if she thought she'd caused this. His leaving Charming didn't mean that he didn't love Gemma. It was all about his sons. He still loved his mother despite the fact that sometimes she drove him crazy.

He looked at Baby Nate all pink and perfect looking and couldn't believe that he was going to lose him. He had been the best baby always smiling and in a good mood.

His face would light up when he would go to pick him up in the morning or after a nap like he was just so happy to see him. He remembered the way he would shake his crib when he kicked his feet. How could such a perfect little baby just die?

Jax's eyes filled with tears. How was he going to get through losing Baby Nate? How was Tara going to get through it? How was Abel going to deal with losing his baby brother? He would gladly give his life for Baby Nate, but he knew from what the doctor told him and by Tara's silence that there was nothing that could be done to save his baby son. Somehow, he was going to have to dig deep inside himself and find a way forward for his family.

Opie could see the anguish on Jax and Tara's faces. He didn't want to even imagine what it would feel like to lose one of his kids.

"I'm going to call Donna and have her pick up Abel," Opie said deciding to take matters into his own hands. "He should stay with us for at least tonight. You need some time."

"Thanks bro," Jax said in a broken voice as he wiped at his eyes.

"Just tell Abel that we're at the hospital," Tara said.

"OK," Opie agreed. "I'm going to go outside to call Donna."

"Thanks Opie," Tara said.

Margaret gave them a few moments before taking a few tentative steps into the room.

"Is there anything I can do? I am putting you on bereavement leave and sick leave until your last day with St. Thomas," Margaret said. Her first impulse during an emergency was to get the paperwork in order. It's what made her good at administration.

"I want to get in bed and hold him," Tara said. "Could you get them to move him into a regular bed?"

"Of course. I'll tell them to make every possible accommodation for you. Is there anything else? Can I call someone? Get the chaplain?"

Tara shook her head.

"No. Just the bed."

"I'll get someone on it right away," Margaret said hurrying off.

Jax and Tara sat side by side each locked in their own private hell. Neither could speak. Tears streamed down both their faces.

"

"*******

"

Donna's eyes filled with tears the second Opie told her of Baby Nate's fate. She couldn't imagine the pain of losing Kenny or Ellie. She was glad that Opie had thought to offer to take care of Abel. She understood the need to keep the truth about his brother's condition secret until Jax and Tara decided how they were going to break the news to him.

That poor little boy really loved his baby brother. He was always talking about all the things he was going to teach him so he wouldn't be just a baby. He'd been the one to call him Baby Nate. He wanted to make sure everyone knew that Nate was only a baby while he was a big boy.

She piled Ellie and Kenny into her minivan and headed over to Jax's house. Facing Gemma wasn't going to be easy. She had never gotten along with Gemma. The best she could manage was being civil. She wasn't given instructions on what to tell Gemma so she decided to not tell her anything. She also couldn't risk Abel or one of her kids overhearing her.

She told Kenny and Ellie that Abel was going to stay overnight and they could order pizza, make popcorn, drink a soda and watch videos with him. They were excited because they were still young enough to get excited by little things and Donna rarely let them drink soft drinks so allowing them to have one was a big deal to them.

Ellie ran ahead to knock on the door. Abel was a few years younger but he got along well with her kids. He tried so hard to keep up with them because he wanted to be a big kid.

Gemma opened the door looking like she'd aged ten years in the hour or since Baby Nate had been rushed to the hospital. Despite spending quite a bit of time hating Gemma over the years, Donna felt sorry for her now.

"Opie and I are going to take Abel for tonight."

Gemma opened the door and let Donna and her kids into the house. Ellie and Kenny ran to go find Abel. Gemma and Donna remained in the small hall.

"Have you heard anything?" Gemma asked.

"I don't know anything."

"If you're taking Abel, you must know something."

"Just that Jax and Tara are at the hospital. Opie and Chibs are there as well. They rode back with Jax," Donna spoke in a low voice so the kids wouldn't overhear the conversation.

"I'll get Abel's backpack and get his things together," Gemma said heading for Abel's bedroom.

Donna walked into the living room where the kids were. Abel had been busy building things with his wooden blocks. Kenny and Ellie had already begun their own building projects.

"Do I really get to go to your house?" Abel asked.

"Yes. We'll have lots of fun," Donna said. She decided not to tell him about Jax and Tara being at the hospital. She wanted to give him one last happy night before his life changed.

Gemma returned with Abel's backpack.

"OK, sweetie, here's your backpack. I put in clothes, a few toys and your toothbrush and toothpaste. You have to remember to brush your teeth. Now, give me a hug and a kiss."

Abel ran to Gemma, gave her a big hug and a wet kiss on the cheek before taking his backpack from her.

"Go on kids, get in the van," Donna said. "I'll be out in just a minute."

The kids ran outside, Donna could hear their voices fighting over who was going to sit where.

"Now that it's only us, what's going on with my grandson?" Gemma demanded.

"He's at St. Thomas with Jax and Tara."

Gemma decided it wasn't worth trying to get Baby Nate's condition out of Donna. Worrying about Baby Nate was driving her crazy. She was going to head to St. Thomas and find out what was going on with Baby Nate for herself.