Title: Meeting in a Rose Garden

Summary: Mac reconnects with someone she knew in law school. (West Wing Crossover) (Mac/Other, Mac/Harm friendship)

Notes: 1) I'm almost done with the angst. It's going to start getting better with the next update. 2) Timeline wise we're at "When the Bough Breaks" (JAG, Season 8) and "Process Stories" (West Wing, Season 4). After this we pretty much leave the JAG world as we know it behind us.

Part Twenty-Five

Election Night…

Sam walked into his office, followed by Josh, Toby, and CJ. He reached for the phone, and then stopped and glanced up at his friends. "I can't do this."

"Run for Congress? Sure, you can." Josh looked around the room and shrugged. "If Jeff Haffley can you definitely can.

Sam shook his head. "No. I mean… I can't do this." He gestured at the phone where Horton Wilde's widow waited on line two. "I can't talk to Mrs. Wilde or Will Bailey until I've had a chance to talk to Sarah."

Josh, CJ and Toby looked at one another, and then at him. "Sam," CJ started, "please tell me she's not going to be as blindsided by this as the rest of us were."

"I told her." He thought back to their conversation about this. Their one conversation. They hadn't mentioned it since that night in their kitchen. She had washed the cookware while he loaded the dishwasher, and then she went to bed claiming a splitting headache. The past week had been tense. He was home at a reasonable hour most nights these days, so she was staying at JAG longer and longer. "I told her I had agreed to run, but I also told her that there was no way I'd end up having to actually do it. I need to talk to her before I talk to any one else."

"Go." Toby spoke quietly and gestured at the open door. "Go home. I'll speak to Mrs. Wilde. Will Bailey can wait."

Sam nodded and grabbed his overcoat. "Thank you. I'll see you all in," he glanced at his watch and winced at the time, "in a few hours."

He hurried out of the White House and to his SUV. The streets were busy for after 1:00am on a weeknight, but it was election night, and the celebrations were to be expected. He didn't mind them, though - he appreciated seeing people participating in, and excited about democracy. Even if people were participating by blowing noise makers and cheering in the streets. He eventually made it to his building, and, after sitting in the car for a moment to gather his courage, to his front door. He unlocked it and wasn't surprised to find the lights off, and the apartment quiet. He locked everything up, toed off his shoes and made his way to their bedroom.

"I guess congratulations are in order."

Sam closed his eyes and flipped the light switch. The room filled with light, and she sat up in their bed. He opened the closet and dropped his shoes inside and turned back to her. "I'm not exactly feeling celebratory about the whole thing."

Mac swallowed, and adjusted the blanket around her. "So, you're really doing it?"

He sat down next to her on the bed and didn't say anything for a while. "What do you think?"

She shrugged and turned to face him. "I don't think you have much of a choice."

He shook his head and laid down beside her. He ran a hand down her arm and took her fingers in his. "Sarah, come on. I want to know what you think."

She lowered her gaze to their twined hands and let out a breath. She didn't know what to say, and this whole situation just made her angry. She didn't want him to go and she wasn't ready for him to run for office. But what could they do? His name was out and everyone knew he had agreed to this. His professional image would be damaged if he backed out now. She watched his fingers play with hers and swallowed hard. "I think the people of Orange County would be lucky to have you."

A few days later…

She stood in the doorway of their bedroom and watched him pack. Most of his clothes were in multiple hanging bags, and his two suitcases were filled with athletic clothes, most of his shoes, a variety of ties and belts, and his toiletry bags.

"You're actually going." It wasn't a question, and he didn't look up from the t-shirt he was folding.

"Of course, I'm going. I made a promise. It's not necessarily a promise I want to keep, but like you said, I don't really have a choice."

"What about the promises you've made me?"

He looked up and frowned. "I'm not breaking any promises I've made to you."

She crossed her arms over her chest and glanced at her engagement ring before looking back at him. "The night we got engaged, you promised you'd always be here, and that you'd go wherever I was. I'm not in California, Sam. I'm here. My life is here."

He dropped an unfolded t-shirt back onto the stack and crossed the room. "California is temporary, Sarah. It's 90 days. And then I'll be back."

"What if you win?"

He scoffed. "I'm not going to win."

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's the spirit."

He rolled his eyes. "Two years ago Chuck Webb won that seat with 67% of the vote. Now, I'm typically a pretty positive person, but come on. I'm not going to win. I'm going to go out there, I'm going to do my best, and then I'm going to come home and life will go back to normal."

She shrugged. "And if you actually do win?" He opened his mouth to argue and she held up her hand. "Sam, just fucking humor me. Please. Just humor me."

He winced. "Fine. If I win, I become a member of Congress. I'll still be in DC most of the time. There will be more visits to Orange County, but I don't see myself traveling any more than I do now." He placed his hands on her folded arms and sighed softly. "And if I win, I'll only serve for two years."

She shook her head and shrugged his hands away. "You told me once you wanted to run for office someday. I don't see you giving it up after two years."

He backed away and turned back to the suitcase, feeling frustrated with her and this constant back and forth. "And let's not forget that you once told me that you'd be okay if I ran for office someday."

Her eyes narrowed. "I didn't mean now. I didn't mean like this." Her voice broke on the last word, and tears began to fall. He turned to her and was almost instantly next to her. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

"I asked you if you were okay with this. You told me you were."

She tried to push him away, but he held her tighter and she began to cry. "What was I supposed to say, Sam? Was I supposed to tell you to call Will Bailey and tell him you changed your mind because your girlfriend is a basket case?"

He stepped back. It was his turn to be angry. "Fiancée. Not girlfriend. Although you haven't wanted to talk about a wedding, or…" He trailed off when he thought about her absolute refusal to talk about any of their options when it came to having a family. "Or anything concerning our future for months, so I don't know if you still even want to be engaged at this point. But yes. If that's how you felt, then that's exactly what you were supposed to say. Goddamnit, Sarah. You have got to stop doing this. If you want something, you need to say it. You have to stop just accepting things that you don't want because you're so afraid of disappointing people."

All of the color drained from her face, and he turned away from her. He placed his hands on the edge of the dresser and counted to ten. He turned back to face her and rubbed his hand over his face. "I am in love with you. I want to marry you and have children, in whatever way we can, with you. I would do absolutely anything for you." He stepped closer. "When I told you about meeting Will and my stupid promise to run if Horton Wilde actually won, you said none of this. On election night when I found out that Wilde did win and I was going to have to run, you didn't say anything. Do you think for one second I would have agreed to any of this if I knew how you actually felt?"

Mac swallowed and wiped the tears off of her cheeks. He stared at her and felt an overwhelming sense of dread. His eyes moved to her hand, and he watched as she twisted her engagement ring around her finger. He raised his eyes and met hers, and watched as another tear fell down her cheek. "Maybe this is for the best. Maybe we could use some time apart."

He shook his head. "Don't do this. I don't want time apart."

"You're the one leaving."

He opened his mouth to argue with her, but she was technically correct. He was the one leaving. "Come with me." She frowned and he let out a breath. "You have at least sixty days of leave saved up. Use some of it and come with me."

"I can't." Her voice was soft, and she sounded as if she had no fight left. "You say that I need to speak up if I want something." She met his gaze. "I want – I want this. I want some time to myself. I want you to go to California."

Mac watched as he put his bags in the back of the taxi, and swallowed when he told the driver he needed a few minutes. The driver nodded and moved forward a car space to give them a little more privacy. Sam sat down on the step next to her and neither said anything for a moment.

Finally, he looked at her. "Tell me the truth. Is this it?"

Her eyes widened, and she felt something tighten in her chest at the thought of this being the end of them. She shook her head. "No. I just need to be alone right now."

He disagreed and he didn't entirely believe her. Alone was the last thing she needed, but it was all she had ever known. He knew enough about her past to know that she had been alone at the times she had likely needed someone the most.

"You should go," she said quietly. "You don't have long before your flight."

Sam said nothing for a minute and then stood. "You're right." He extended a hand to her and pulled her up and close to him. He wrapped his arms around her and lowered his lips to her ear. "I love you so much."

She sniffled and buried her head in his chest. "I love you too."

She pulled back and he gave her a long kiss. Then he picked up his messenger bag and headed to the waiting car. She remained on the stoop, waiting until the car was out of sight before she went back inside and curled up into a ball on the sofa and cried. How many times had she been in this position? How many times had she been left behind while the man she loved flew away from her? First Harm leaving JAG to return to a flying squadron, then Mic breaking off their engagement to return to Australia, and now Sam going to Orange County to run for office.

It isn't the same, and you know it.

She shook her head and tried to silence her more rational inner voice.

It wasn't the same. She did know that. For starters, she hadn't felt for Mic or Harm what she feels for Sam, and Sam would be back. But when he came back would he still want her? He would spend the next two months away from her, and with the most successful people in his party. If he came back as a Congressman, would he still want someone this broken? And if he didn't win – if he came home, and went back to his job, and life went back to normal, what then? Would she ever be able to have a conversation about their future without feeling like she was depriving him of something essential, and he was settling? Would she ever stop feeling like she wasn't enough and that he deserved so much more than her?

She walked into JAG the next morning, and immediately wanted to turn around and go home. She hadn't been in the office for five minutes when she was summoned to see the Admiral, and had been stopped on the way to his office by Harriet and an envelope full of baby pictures. She had been showing pictures of little AJ to Tracy Manetti, and Mac could almost feel another break in her heart. She hadn't seen her precious godson since she had gotten her diagnosis. She knew she was being selfish, but just the thought of being around children made her ache.

"I'm sorry, Harriet. I'm on my way to the Admiral's office. I'll catch up with you later." She forced a smile, and hurried through the bullpen. Harm was waiting by Tiner's desk, and she frowned up at him. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "I don't know yet."

The Admiral's voice came through Tiner's intercom, and he smiled at them. "You both can go in."

Harm opened the door for her, and entered after her. They didn't even have time to come to attention before he told them to sit, and they took their usual chairs. They both sat quietly as he told them about the incident on the Seahawk, and that he was sending Harm to verify the facts of the incident.

Mac and Harm exchanged looks. She hadn't been mentioned, and both were wondering why she was here. The Admiral watched them, amused. From almost the very beginning, they had been able to have an entire conversation without saying a word, and he appreciated the fact that relationships with others hadn't severed their bond.

"Colonel, while Commander Rabb is going to be on the Seahawk verifying Lieutenant Singer's findings, you're going to be on the Seahawk investigating Lieutenant Singer. The captain has charged her with conduct unbecoming."

Her eyes widened, and she glanced at Harm and then back at Chegwidden. "Sir?"

He sighed and leaned back. "The Lieutenant is approximately three months and a half month pregnant."

Mac swallowed, and suppressed the urge to scream. Singer was pregnant. Singer. "Sir, I don't understand-"

"Three and a half months is approximately the amount of time she's been on the Seahawk, and she refuses to tell the Captain who the father is." The Admiral watched her, and frowned. "Colonel, I know that none of you are particularly fond of the Lieutenant-" She shook her head vehemently and he relaxed. "Just try to get her to tell you who the father is, and make this go away. We don't need this right now."

They left his office, and picked up their travel documents from Tiner. Once they were back at their offices, Harm placed a hand on her arm. "Are you okay?"

She nodded and forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just not looking forward to any of this."

"Yeah." He put his hand on her arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm going to call Julia. Want to ride together to Andrews?"

"Sounds good." She forced another smile. "Tell her hello for me." She disappeared into her office and sat down at her computer. She opened her personal email and scanned the contents, and her eyes landed on Sam's name. He always emailed her a lot when they were apart. She opened the email, and couldn't help but smile. He had attached a photo of a campaign poster featuring his handsome face. Mac hit reply and let out a sigh.

Sam-

I think I'm going to need one of those for our bedroom =) At least I will when I get home. Harm and I are heading out to the Seahawk today. Not sure how long I'll be gone for, but I'll call you when I can. And don't worry – nothing dangerous this time. I expect to have a poster waiting for me when I get back.

Love you.

Sarah

End Part 25