Zuko

"Sokka," Katara says, "I'm sure you know what you're doing, but why are we planning a rebel attack in the bison stables where everyone can hear us?"

"They sure will if you are so loud about it," her brother deadpans without taking his eyes away from the map. (The one we found back at that pier near the South Pole.)

(How much time has passed since then?...)

"And for this plan to work we need coordination." Sokka's voice snaps me awake from my nostalgic, contemplative blues. "And this is the only place where we can discuss our plans together with Appa, Druk, and Hawky."

"Hawky?" I ask.

"That's how I wanted to name the hawk. Hawky! Get it?"

Aang perks up, "I like it!"

Katara and I don't.

"We are not naming the hawk 'Hawky'," I state, making my best impersonation of Sokka's annoying voice when I repeat the name.

"Fine. How do you want to call him?"

Just then, Nameless Hawk comes closer to me. He still has some trouble standing on his feet for the disproportion on his leg so, for the most part, he only bounces and planes over the ground where we are sitting, kicking and throwing snow with his claws.

"Scratch," I say, petting him on his head. "Because he is always scratching."

"How original," Sokka drones.

(Like he can talk after coming up with the name 'Hawky'.) Aang and Katara scowl at him.

"I chose Druk's name because it is the sound he makes when he bites," I explain further. For backing up and emphasizing my point, Druk does exactly that and his jaws close with a funny, clicking, but grave sound that in fact sounds like druk. He and Appa lay around us, forming a circled barrier as a cover for our group.

"Besides, the hawk likes it," I assert, "Right, Scratch?"

'Scratch' actually shakes his head. (Ungrateful piece of turkey.)

Sokka's so-called triumphant smirk is infuriating. "You like Hawky better," he leans in for petting the hawk himself, "Right, Hawky?"

'Hawky' does nothing and lets Sokka pat him. I grab him, restraining his wings, and pull him closer to me. "Don't touch him," I tell Sokka, "He is mine."

"I didn't know you were so responsible with pets, Zuko," Aang comments.

"He is not a pet! He is a trained tracker!" I say defensively.

"Found the two of them having a heart-to-heart earlier," Sokka recalls. "It was adorable."

"It wasn't like that!"

Despite my clear slightly raised tone, Hawky squirms closer to me while I hold him against my chest.

"Hey, look! He likes you!" Katara observes, excitedly.

"Only because I took the shackle off from him," I remind her.

"But isn't that how it works?" she insists. "You do something nice for someone and they are nice to you in return?"

Why does it sound like she is talking from experience?

Now that I think about it, how many nice things Katara has done for me? Ever since we met and I still acted like a Fire Nation minion… I mean, I was a Fire Nation minion… I mean–

Ugh! Even now, everything is so confusing! I have been running away without knowing to where, only… trying to make the pain stop…. But I keep seeing things and hearing voices that aren't my own, and they scare and anger me in equal parts; I want to escape from them too… and I become more lost in the process.

That is why I focus on Katara's face at this moment, because she is someone I know; because when I look at her, I have somebody towards whom I can go. Somebody that walks next to me.

Until Sokka interrupts, of course: "So… sorry to break your staring contest, but we have some things to talk about here."

Katara and I look away.

"See, Hawky, can't point us where he came from using the map," Sokka explains, "That's good, it means Zhao isn't close to these mountains. We could keep him there if only we left him without a means of transportation again."

"You want us to throw him into the ocean again?" Katara reminisces.

"You guys threw someone into the ocean?" Aang questions. (It sounds like a really long gasp due to the incredulity.)

"It's a long story, Aang. You had to be there," Sokka says, "Anyway. Yes, the greatest goal we can accomplish is to make his boat stop floating. I'm thinking about a classic 'getting in'. Sabotage the ship from the inside. Coming back, getting some sleep without sideburns coming for us in our nightmares… Easy peasy!"

"Can we sabotage a military ship by ourselves?" Katara wonders.

"It's the power of engineering, baby sister," her brother remarks. "Everything has a weak spot; if you hit it, the whole thing will crumble down."

"I'm a little concerned about how you know that, Sokka," she notes.

"But how are we gonna get inside?" Aang inquires.

Sokka doesn't miss the chance to gloat. "Sneak attack, Aang, but don't worry, I'm excellent at those."

That is when I step in: "Not all of us can participate in a sneak attack."

"Why not?"

"Impracticability," I say with the obviousness that it entails. "I don't think it is a secret that you are not exactly silent, Sokka; and Aang has his troubles for staying still."

I take a glance at Aang. His legs look as though they were shaking, yet not from coldness but from the anxiety of being forced to remain in an inactive posture; his hand clutches and releases small fistfuls of snow.

"Yeah, Zuko is right about that," he agrees himself.

"That only leaves…" Sokka's eyes slice through me in their way to: "Katara."

Her face is calm, not really indifferent or impassive, it is… accepting.

She looks at me, not looking for approval either, but confirmation.

"Katara and I will be able to get in and out of Zhao's ship without being noticed," I tell Sokka. "She can do it, I trust her."

Sokka continues staring at Katara, studying her. Maybe trying to decipher why is it that I trust her so much for this considering his poor opinion of girls in general? But even with that, I seriously ask myself what is going through his mind now. Whatever he may think about girls, I wonder how would I react if I was in his place, and someone tried to take my sister straight into the enemy's territory. At a moment when we lack support and resources.

Would I go berserk on whoever suggested that idea? Would I trust her to defend herself?

How would I love a sister?

Would I be a better brother for her than I was for my younger brother?

"Okay," Sokka ends up agreeing, "You two are our aces. The session is over, Team Avatar rests."

"What is it with you and stupid names today?" I ask.

"Hey, if we are gonna be rebels, we are gonna do it with style. And remember we are meeting at the stables' entrance at midnight."

Our circle dissolves gradually. Druk continues serving as a cover when Aang takes Appa away in the opposite direction, (it's better if we return to our tents one by one to not attract questions about what were the four of us doing hidden between a dragon and a flying bison).

We wait a moment after Aang leaves (and he does so whistling, for extra credibility), and Sokka goes next. (Today is the stupid names and whistling day, apparently.)

"Katara, can you go meet me at my tent after this?" I ask her. "I think we'll need camouflage clothes for this plan, and I think I have some clothes that might work for that."

"Sure," she agrees in a beat, "I'll see you there."

She stands up and leaves.

Katara waited for me outside of my tent, "Hey."

"Hey," I say.

Hawky squawks as a greeting, too. (I am wearing a leather gauntlet for him to grab onto my arm.)

"You know, the name Hawky doesn't sound so bad after a while," she assures, tickling Hawky's feathers. Her eyes go to me, "You said you had something to help us camouflage tonight?"

"Yes."

I pull the opening of the tent for all of us to get inside, and I return Hawky to his cage for him to finish the food he left this morning. Katara still passes her gaze all over the inside of my tent as if she was looking at it for the first time.

"You have unpacked some more," she notices.

"Yes… I… I had time to empty my bags and…"

She takes interest in a couple of wooden masks on the shelves and picks one up. "What is this?"

"They are theatrical masks for the play Love Amongst the Dragons," I explain, coming closer to her and eyeing the blue mask as well. It is designed as the face of a dragon-like demon. "I used to like it a lot when I was little."

"I had no idea you were a theatre kid, Zuko."

I shrug. And smile.

"You could use this for hiding yourself tonight," Katara advises.

"I don't like the idea of hiding myself."

"It'll be only for tonight. Practicability, remember?"

I do remember, I just don't like feeling that this is only a cruel reference to me running away from my identity for ultimately losing it.

The mask feels weighty on my hands when I take it from Katara's. If I was crazy, I would say its frown deepens while looking into my eyes. (Maybe it does. Maybe I am crazy.) I put back the mask on its shelf.

"Give a second to find the clothes I told you about," I say to Katara.

"You sure they will make it for a good disguise?" she wonders when I go through my bags.

"Yes, they are black, for mixing with the night. Black is a very common color in the Fire Nation."

Katara hums appreciatively.

"You don't think it is gloomy?" I wonder, pulling out the robes and handing them to her.

"No." She takes and unravels them, measuring them with her eyes. For what it looks like, they won't fit her, they are too big. "Black reminds me of the night. You have some scissors around here?"

I give her a knife instead. She uses it for cutting great pieces of the fabric, making reductions that will make for a smaller outfit with smaller folds.

She sits down for doing it; I sit next to her.

"You like nighttime?" I ask, staring at her while she works, hearing the blade of the knife trespassing cloth.

"Yeah, a lot."

So she likes nighttime…

I… I could give her a night-themed gift one day… If a special occasion ever came around. Which reminds me, I haven't asked when her birthday is.

"So…" I stretch the word. "When is your birthday again?"

It is a blur the speed at which she drops the knife and her head turns my way. (It is because I never asked her about her birthday until now, right?)

At first, her expression is one of puzzlement and amusement, and her mouth opens as if she was going to say something, but it closes again slowly while her expression also eases.

"It's in Spring," she ultimately answers, "I still have to wait some months. When is your birthday?"

"In Fall."

"Oh, no! I missed it!" Her eyes grow once she realizes… our circumstances. "I mean, like… like… I didn't mean it in a 'I missed it a hundred years ago' way, I just…"

"Don't worry, I get it."

"I meant I'd have liked to celebrate it with you," she concludes. "This year we'll throw you a big party!"

'This year we'll throw you a big party.'

We.

Katara, Aang, Sokka, maybe Gyatso; I keep forgetting how weird it is to have so many people around me. And it is that proximity what is putting them in danger.

Zhao wouldn't have found the Southern Air Village if I wasn't here, Katara wouldn't be planning on sneaking on a Fire Nation military ship if it wasn't because of me. None of this would have happened if it wasn't because of me. If I wasn't here, if I was self-sufficient enough, if I was better.

Better, better, better.

If I was.

I should be.

My head spins and throbs with the thoughts accumulating themselves in avalanche. They are still here, the voices. His voice. The flashbacks to the Agni Kai, the smell of burnt raw flesh.

"Hey, you okay?" Katara's hand settles on my arm softly.

I yelp. "Yeah… Sorry… I just… um…"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," she reassures me, caressing my arm.

"I…" my voice sounds hoarse, as though I had been screaming, "I do am sorry, I am still… going through certain things… and…"

"Hey," she repeats for calling my attention, "It'll be alright, okay?"

"How are you always so convinced things will turn out alright at the end?"

"It's called hope."

"Isn't that for when the bad things happen and you wait for good ones to come?"

"Yes," she admits, "but if you don't wish for the good things, you'll never be able to escape the bad ones."

My answer is stunned meditative silence.

Katara's hand remains on my forearm; her hand is small and shapely, it is like the one of a porcelain doll.

"I can leave if you want to be alone for a while," she offers.

"No, stay," I insist. "I… I will help you to keep cutting the fabric."