Trigger Warning: Brief mention of sexual abuse and drugs.
"Knock, knock." Maura stuck her head into Cailin's door and smiled at her sister. "Good morning Cailin. How are you feeling?" Before Cailin could reply, Maura made her way over to her sister.
She passed her a small paper bag containing a breakfast sandwich before also sitting down a hot cup of coffee in front of her.
Hope looked up at Maura from her place beside Cailin and smiled. "Thanks Maura."
"I'm fine. I just want to go home," Cailin says with a ton of grump in her voice. "Where's Jess? I want to see Jess. You and Jane just keep giving me excuses." Cailin turns her head and narrows her eyes at her mother. "Maybe if you leave she would come. I don't know why I would expect her to come as long as you are here."
Hope quickly tries to swallow the lump in her throat and hide the hurt in her eyes. She wanted to tell Cailin everything but she couldn't. She had meant to tell Jane and Maura what happened that day but with everything that had unfolded, she never got the chance. Now, with Jess on the road to getting better, she didn't want to add the stress of her parents and girlfriend being angry at her.
However, Jess had asked her to stop by later that day. She had informed her she wanted to speak to her with her moms. Hope had a feeling she knew why. If Jess chose to come forward with what unfolded that day then that was her choice, but Hope had decided to protect Jess's secret. She simply felt that revealing the truth at this point would do more harm than good. She loved Cailin but she also loved Jess and she just wanted them to all move past this.
While Hope tried to find the words to help the tension, Maura stepped in. "Come on C. Don't act like that. Jess and mom have put what happened behind them. Now it's your turn. She admitted she made a mistake and she has apologized. Let's just move forward, please?"
Cailin looked from her sister to her mom. "Fine. Where's Jess," Cailin asks again.
"I'm sorry Cailin. Jess is sick and we are not willing to take any chances." Maura is able to get by with making this claim because she is being truthful. Jess was in fact sick. Little does Maura know that Cailin had talked to Jane on the phone that morning and Jane had told Cailin Jess was helping Blaire at the Boys and Girls Club. Cailin decides to go along with her sister's claims though.
"Tell her to hurry up and get better. I need her."
"I will Cailin. I promise. I probably should be getting back to the house to check on her though. I wanted to make sure you had a good breakfast. Jane insists you not be expected to eat hospital food," Maura says with a grin. Cailin gives her sister a slight smile. "Tell Jane thank you although i'm sure there's something healthy in that bag."
Maura grinned as she reached into the bag and pulled out the contents. "A sausage egg cheese biscuit slathered in butter, Jane's orders. Don't get used to it. I will order your dinner," Maura says with a wink.
"I'll Doordash Pizza," Cailin mutters under her breath.
"What was that C?"
"Nothing Maur. Thank you."
"That's what I thought," Maura said with a laugh as she headed towards the door.
"Hey Maura, just so you know I will be by in an hour or so," Hope says.
Maura looked from her mother over to Cailin.
"You're just going to leave her here alone?"
"Not for long. I have an important appointment and I didn't want to bother someone last minute."
"Geez Maura. I'm a big girl. I'll be fine. Besides, I have all these doctors and nurses at my beckon call after all," Cailin says with a laugh.
Maura grins. "OK Cailin. Try to keep the place standing."
Maura opens the door before looking behind her.
"Why don't you walk me down mom?"
Hope nods as she follows her daughter.
As soon as they were out of Cailin's earshot, Maura spoke.
"You're doing better mom. Don't start disappearing now."
"I'm not Maura. I didn't want to say anything in front of Cailin but Jess asked me to come by. She said she wants to talk to us together."
Maura furrows her brow. "Really? I wonder what that is about?"
"Well, I guess we'll find out soon enough," Hope says as they make it to Maura's car. She hope's the nervousness in her voice isn't clear as Maura climbs in her car. "See you in an hour?" Maura nodded. "Yeah mom. I'll see you in an hour."
Fifteen minutes later, Maura pulled in at home and made her way to the guest house where she found Kate, Jane, and Jess waiting for her. Jane walks over to the door and kisses her wife before taking her by the hand and leading her over to a chair in the room.
Jane and Maura looked at each other, each waiting for the other to speak. Honestly, neither knew what to say. On one hand, they wanted to yell at her daughter after running off like that. On the other, they wanted to hug her tight and never let go.
Finally, Kate broke the silence as she looked over at Jess. She knew Jess didn't like what she was making her do, but she knew it needed to be done. Jess had to be accountable for her actions. Not only that, Maura and Jane needed to see that she had the opportunity to use and turned to someone instead.
"I believe there is something you need to give your ma Jess. We talked about this. I'm not changing my mind."
Jess took a deep breath before turning to her bag, she unzipped it and pulled out the syringe. She looked down at the drugs in her hand before turning to Jane, placing it into her hand.
Jane looked down at what had been put into her hand and heard Maura gasp.
"Jess really?" Those seemed to be the only two words Jane could say. Kate decided to help get the conversation moving.
"She didn't do it," Kate says looking from her sister to Jane. "Jess came to me instead, I know you are both upset about her taking off and we will get to that in a minute but I think right now you two should hug your daughter. Making the decision to turn to someone instead of using is a huge step for any addict."
Jane and Maura both did just as Kate had suggested.
As Jane let her go, Jess decided to jump right into what she really needed to discuss with her parents before she lost her nerve.
"Why did you never adopt me?"
Jane and Maura were both taken aback by the sudden abrupt question.
"What?" Jane looks at Maura before looking back over at Jess.
"I did everything you asked. I wasn't allowed to ever go anywhere alone. I went to every meeting. I passed every drug screen. I went back to school and got straight A's that I had to work my butt off for. I went to the police academy hoping it would make ma proud. Every night I would pray that I could do whatever it was you were looking for. Maybe tomorrow is the day they will adopt me. You never did though."
Maura took a step forward to hug her daughter but Jess quickly pushed her away. "You adopted Blaire. Just admit it. You didn't want to commit to me because I was an addict. Nothing I did was enough."
Jane made her way over to Jess's bed and sat down before waving Maura over. Once everyone was sitting she spoke.
"Let's get a few things straight here kiddo. Your mom and I are very proud of the accomplishments you've made. You've had a few setbacks sure, but we have and always will be by your side." Jane quickly glanced at Maura silently telling her to take over and she did.
"Jess, sweetie look at me please."
Jess turned and looked at Maura.
"I am so sorry for the awful things I said to you yesterday. You have every right to be upset. I love you Jess, you are my daughter no matter what." Maura quickly wiped away her tears before continuing. "Your ma and I wanted nothing more than to adopt you but since you were of age we thought we would leave that decision up to you. You had been through so much already, we didn't want to push you." Maura stopped as she became choked up.
"Jess," Jane said, turning her daughter's attention back to her.
"What mom is saying is we always wanted you to be a part of this family but sweetie it's just a piece of paper. You are our daughter with or without it. I don't need some judge to say you are mine."
"Mom told me to leave." Jess's voice cracks with her words.
"Like I said Jess, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I was upset but that isn't an excuse for what I said. I love you Jess. As long as we are alive, you are always welcome in our home."
"I love you too moms," Jess said as she hugged each of them. "There's something else I want to talk to you about but I would like for Blaire to join us if that is OK? It, um, it involves both of us."
"Of course. I'll text her," Jane said as she reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone and texted Blaire.
While they were waiting for Blaire, Kate stood.
"Jess, I think I'm going to go over and see if Emily could use a hand with the littles. I think what is about to be discussed should be a private discussion with your moms and sister. That is, unless you want me to stay."
Jess shook her head from side to side.
"That's not necessary Kate. Thanks for all your help," Jess said as she stood and hugged her aunt.
"Anytime Jess," Kate said as she headed out, passing Blaire on her way.
The two women greeted each other, before Blaire joined her parents and sister in the guest house.
"Hey," Blaire said as she pulled up a chair across from her mom's and sister. "What's going on Jess? Mom said you needed me here."
Jess looked from her mom's to her sister and back again. "It's okay Jess we are all here for you, talk when you're ready,." Maura says reassuringly.
Jess took a deep breath and began to speak. "So before I get into this I want you all to promise that you will wait until I'm finished before saying anything. Okay?"
All three women nodded. Jess spent the next hour filling in her mom's and sister of all the things she told Kate the night before. When she finished no one said anything as they let Jess's words sink in.
Blaire was the first to speak. "W-why didn't you tell me this before now? I could have done something."
"You were going through enough. I didn't want to push my problems off on you. Besides, why didn't you say something? I told my case worker what he was doing to you. They couldn't do anything with you denying it Blaire."
"Because I didn't want to go into the system. I saw what it did to you and I was also afraid I would lose Amelia."
"So we both just buried it and pretended it never happened. We can see how far that got us."
Blaire popped her head up and stared at Jess. "No, I have never forgotten it happened. That little girl is my daily reminder that it happened. I couldn't just think about myself Jess. I had to make decisions for my baby. I wasn't worried about protecting myself. I was worried about protecting Amelia. Do you know after I came here, I would still go lay down on the floor next to her crib at night? It was only when I came to trust ma and mom, that they would take care of her and protect her, I was allowed to be a teenager again."
Blaire could quickly feel herself losing control of her emotions as she attempted to rein them in. "He suckered you Jess. He never stopped. He was apparently raping both of us."
Blaire quickly wiped away at the tears that began to fall, despite her best attempts to hold them back. "You left me Jess.You knew what was happening and you left. I sound like such a selfish bitch right now for saying that, but I was so angry with you. I never understood. I wish you would have told me."
"Well, I was just as angry with you when you quit coming around when Jane and Maura took you in."
"I couldn't Jess! That first year I was grounded more than I was not."
Jess turned her attention to her mothers. "When I aged out, I asked Blaire if I could spend the night one night. I just wanted to get a shower and a warm place to sleep if only for one night. You wouldn't let me though. Blaire was one of the only people I had, and you took her from me. That overdose that day, it wasn't accidental. It was intentional."
Jane sat unusually quiet as the extent of what her daughters had been put through settled in. She feared if she spoke, she would vomit. They all sat in silence until Blaire found her voice again.
"So, you were just going to leave me again, but for good this time?" The young blonde knew how her words sounded but she couldn't voice them any other way.
Jess nodded, "I'm not proud of the decisions I've made. At the time I felt like I was losing the only family I had."
Jess paused for a moment before continuing."Mom's words really messed me up yesterday but as I was sitting in that old rundown house that you and I spent many nights in, about to do what I had done so many times before when the pain of the world became too much, I started thinking about all of you and how each of you have changed my life for the best. I realized in that moment that I didn't need the drugs.I wanted them, but I didn't need them. What I needed was my family, so I left and went to see Aunt Kate. I knew I needed to talk to moms, but I wanted to talk to someone else first and clear my head."
Jess moved from the bed and pulled Blaire from her chair and hugged her tightly. Maura and Jane joined them. After a few minutes everyone pulled apart and Jess turned her attention to her mom's addressing Maura first.
"I'm sorry mom, I wasn't fair to you yesterday…" Jess was stopped by the blonde.
"You don't need to apologize Jess; I said a lot of hurtful things out of anger and frustration. Your ma and I love you very much, you are not a junkie and you are not expendable. You're our daughter." Maura held her arms out and Jess immediately fell into them. Jess pulled away and looked at Jane who was failing miserably to wipe away her tears.
"Ma?"
"Yeah kiddo?"
"You're right, I don't need a paper to tell me that I'm your daughter. I'm sorry I never spoke up about how I was feeling." Jess looked down at the floor before her tears could be seen.
Without a word Jane pulled her daughter into her arms. "No apologies needed Jess. We are all going to move forward from here starting with getting you to see Cailin later on today."
Jane quickly looked at Maura to gage her reaction to what she had just said. She hoped the blonde wouldn't be mad at her but she felt like Jess really did need this.
Maura smiled and nodded letting Jane know it was okay. Jess's head shot up from Jane's chest, almost knocking her in the jaw in the process."Really?!" She said excitedly.
"Yes really sweetie," Maura replied.
Jess smiled widely as she hugged Maura again.
"Thank you, mom, thank you."
Maura just smiled and continued to hug her daughter before they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Maura made her way to the door and let her mother in.
"Oh yeah, I asked grandma to come," Jess said as Maura let Hope in. Jess shifted uncomfortably. She knew though she had just made nice with her parents, they would be right back to square one when they heard what was coming next.
"Blaire, would you be OK if it's just moms, me, and grandma for a little bit?"
Blaire nodded. "Sure, sure, I know when I'm not wanted," Blaire said with a laugh. She smiled at her sister to let her know she was only joking.
"I'll check on you later Jess," Blaire said as she got up and exited.
After Blaire was gone, Jess turned her attention to her parents. "First, I want to say you are both probably going to be very angry with me and I am OK with whatever you want to say."
Before she could get any further, tears began to fall. "I asked grandma here today because I owe her an apology and I owe both of you an apology."
Jess's voice cracked with every word. She had never been more ashamed of herself then she was right now. She knew she had to come out with it fast or she was going to lose her nerve. "What I told you grandma Hope said to me that day was not entirely true."
Jane nodded. "Go on."
"She did say I was a junkie and that I didn't deserve Cailin, but there was a reason for that. When we were talking that day, she was going to let me see Cailin. I had drugs on me though that fell out of my purse. It was heroin. I, I was scared she would tell mom so everything else I said she said was a lie. She didn't say any of that stuff. I just wanted to push her and mom apart."
Jess couldn't bear to look at her parents, but she did look at Hope, because she knew she owed her that much."I'm sorry grandma. I shouldn't have done that. If I could take it all back, I would."
"Thank you, Jessica, for finally speaking the truth, but since we are apologizing, I owe you one as well. I shouldn't have called you a junkie and I know you love my daughter; I didn't handle the situation the best way." Hope placed her hand on Jess's and squeezed.
Maura looked at Jane then her mother. "Wait, mom if you knew Jess lied to us why didn't you say anything? An even better question is why didn't you come directly to me and Jane when you found out our daughter was using heroin?" Maura was trying her best to keep her anger at bay, but it was quickly becoming difficult.
"I tried Maura. If you will remember, you blocked my calls and texts."
"So, you could have come to the house mom or what about at the gun range that day?"
"Because I love her also Maura. I could already see she was struggling with what was happening with Cailin. I was going to tell you soon, but you ended up finding out before I got that chance. Once you did, I didn't see any purpose to do that to Jess. I was willing to just put it behind me."
Maura looked to Jane who was being unusually quiet for a different reason this time. Jess noticed as well.
"I'm sorry ma."
"What really pisses me off Jess, is you lied with no regard to who you hurt or that you were tearing your mother and her mom apart. I can overlook the occasional small lie but Jess, this is a completely different ball game. You know better. Do you know you kept Kate and her separated as well? She had just found her. You were completely selfish. You should have stood up and took responsibility for your actions." Jane paused for a moment before she asked the question that had been weighing heavily on her mind.
"Jess, were you scared to come to me?"
Jess shook her head from side to side. "No ma. I just didn't want you to stop me. I wanted the drugs and I knew you would stop me."
Seeing the look of disappointment on her ma's face was hard. "Like I said, I'm sorry ma.I'm not proud of the measures I went to in order to get them. I wish I could take it back."
Jess took a deep breath as she prepared for the hardest part of all of this before turning to Hope.
"Would it be OK if you step out for a bit? There's something else I need to tell moms and I'd rather it just be us if that's OK." Hope nodded before stepping out.
"So, Jess, what else?" Jane, like Maura, was trying and failing to keep her anger at bay.
Jess stared down at the floor, trying desperately to get the courage to say what she needed to say.
Instead of speaking, she began to sob.
Jane and Maura patiently waited until she finally calmed down and spoke.
"I, I. I took mom's debit card from her purse one day and I used it to withdraw a thousand dollars. I swear I'll pay it back."
Jane's eyes went wide before anger took over her features. "You did what?!"
Jane turned around and looked at her wife in disbelief. "How did you not notice a thousand dollars missing for our account Maura?"
Maura glared at her wife. "Jane, I discussed this with you. I came to you and told you how our account was compromised, and we canceled our cards and got new ones. If you are going to put blame somewhere you need to put it on yourself as well because it is our account, not just mine."
Jane shook her head from side to side. "No, we will place the blame where it belongs," she says, glaring at Jess.
"The bank reimbursed that money Jess. You know what that could mean for you if this got outside this room. I will call and have them reverse it and tell them it was a miscommunication," Maura says, shaking her head at her daughter.
Maura looks over at Jane before looking back at Jess."Jess, I let it go when you punched your sister and I was willing to let it go when you just told me you lied. I will not let this go though. You didn't learn the first time your ma took a belt to you so I think she needs to do it again. Maybe this time it will get through to you. There are no excuses for theft.I would suggest you learn that right here and right now. Is that perfectly clear?"
Jess nodded as her tears fell. "Yes ma'am."
Listening to this, Jane's anger began to build. She couldn't believe Maura put her on the spot like that without even discussing it with her first. Any other time Jane would be glad to see Maura backing her up, but not this time. "Maura, let's talk outside for a second," Jane said. Jane put her hand on her wife's shoulder, guiding her towards the door. "We'll be right back Jess."
Back at the hospital Cailin turned off the TV and tried to call Jess, knowing full well she wouldn't be able to get through.Jane and Maura had taken her phone. The more she laid there thinking about it the madder she got. She knew there was something going on that they were hiding from her.
Cailin carefully climbed out of bed moving her IV pole along beside her. She opened the small closet in the room and groaned when her bag was not there. Apparently her mom had moved it. She took a quick scan of the room, still unable to locate her bag.
"Screw it,'' she said, as she grabbed her cell phone, pulling off her oxygen, and headed for the door.
Out in the hallway, the hospital was busy with the hustle and bustle of doctors, nurses, and visitors moving about through the halls. Cailin was not far from her room when a young nurse called out to her.
"Excuse me, Ms. Martin? Are you needing something?"
Cailin turned to face the nurse and smiled."I've just been cooped up for so long. I want to go for a walk."
"Well, you are still not strong enough to be going off alone. Let me finish up this paperwork and I will come join you," the nurse said with a smile.
"OK. Is it OK if I wait for you outside?"
The nurse nodded. "Sure, go ahead." As Cailin started to walk away she called out behind her.
"You still need your oxygen. Let me get you a portable oxygen tank." The nurse went and got what was needed and hooked Cailin up. "OK, you're good to go. I'll be out in just a few minutes."
A few minutes later when the nurse went out the front doors of the hospital she looked everywhere for Cailin and she was nowhere in sight.
Another nurse passing saw the frantic look on her colleague's face.
"Hey Becca, are you OK?"
"No. Cailin Martin wanted to go for a walk and she completely disappeared on me."
The other nurse's eyes grew wide. "You mean…"
She didn't even have to finish her sentence before Becca nodded.
"Dr. Martin's daughter," she said.
"Well, it was nice knowing you," the other nurse unhelpfully replied.
"Very funny. Just help me find her."
A while later the nurses gave up the quest and reluctantly Becca made her way to the phone to call Hope, only to continuously be sent to voicemail.
Back at Jane and Maura's house the two ladies stood outside the guest house in a heated argument.
Jane stood fuming. "I can't believe you would put me on the spot like that. How about you talk to me before offering me up to take a belt to her.."
Maura narrowed her eyes at her wife. "This was you're doing Jane! If you recall, I didn't want to resort to that kind of discipline."
Jane gritted her teeth."You make it sound like I beat our children for everything they do!" Jane pinched the bridge of her nose.
"I am not Jane. I know it's for extreme situations or if nothing else is working. If you haven't noticed, this is pretty damn extreme."
"You know how I've been struggling with Jess. I know you all say that it's not my fault but how can it not be? After that night I took my belt to her it's only got worse."
"OK Jane, if you don't want to do it then I will," Maura said flatly.
"No Maur, I don't want you to do it either."Maura's eyes went wide.
"What are you suggesting Jane? That we let her off the hook? What good will that do other than show her she can apparently do what the hell she wants with no consequences."
"I'm not saying let her off Maura. Let rehab do what it's intended to do. Taking the route of physical discipline won't do Jess any favors right now."
"Jane, I'm not saying you should take a belt to her for using drugs. I realize that is an illness she has to battle. She is still responsible for her choices though and she knows right from wrong. If she commits a crime while she is high does the court give her a break? No, life doesn't work that way. I know some people would say it's crazy to even consider it , but if she's going to make stupid choices then our job is obviously not done. I would much rather you try to get through to as a parent then have to get through to her as a cop. Which would you rather do Jane? Bust her ass as a consequence for a very poor choice or take her to jail?"
Jane sighed."Look Maura, I get where you are coming from. I do. I will not hesitate to check any of our kids if I think it's needed no matter how old they are. You know that and so do they. This doesn't feel right though. All that stuff she did, that's not our Jess Maur. I don't feel right about doing that or you doing it either. I strongly feel we need to roll with this one and keep going. She's going to rehab and she's getting help. That is enough for me. If she gets out and this erratic behavior continues, then we will discuss our options." Jane didn't even want to think about that.
"OK Jane. If you feel that strongly about it I will support your decision. No more though Jane. I'm drawing a line."
Jane nodded as she pulled her wife into an embrace.
"OK Maur." She gently bent down and kissed Maura on the lips. "Thank you," Jane whispered softly.
"You're welcome my love," Maura says softly before kissing her wife again.
"We should probably go talk to Jess and let her know what we've decided."
Jane nodded but didn't let Maura pull away, instead she held her tighter.
"Can we just stay here for a few more minutes?" She mumbled into blonde hair.
"Sure," Maura replied as she laid her head on her wife's chest. After a few silent moments Maura lifted her head from Jane's chest.
"Let's go talk to Jess love.I'm sure she's spinning her wheels trying to figure out what we are going to do."
Jane chuckled. "I would let her spin a little longer but that would be cruel."
Maura smiled and shook her head as she took Jane's hand and headed back into the guesthouse.
Jess's eyes shot up when her mom's entered. She looked from Maura to Jane and back again waiting for one of them to speak.
Jane spoke first. "Alright Jess, here's what's going to happen from here. I am not going to take a belt to you but you will go to rehab." Jess went to speak but Jane waved her hand.
"Let me finish, you will go to rehab. Two weeks inpatient and after that you will continue with outpatient for as long as your doctor thinks it is needed. When that's done you will stay here with us like you have been. Kate has already said she is willing to take over your lease.When we think you're ready we will help you find another place."
Jane looked to Maura for her input.
"Your ma and I have discussed going to family therapy. We will all go once you have completed rehab. We both believe that it will do us all some good. Now, as your ma told you, you will be staying here at home for a while after you've completed rehab. With that, we are going back to you having weekly drug testing.For a while you will not be permitted to go outside this house unless ma or I are with you or someone else we trust. Eventually, we will loosen the reins and let you come and go with the condition that your GPS tracker stays on. Turn it off even one time Jess and it's back to being restricted.I realize you are an adult and you may think we are being too hard on you, but we are doing this because we love you. We know it's difficult for you Jess and we want to help you steer away from that temptation until we are comfortable that you are doing better. You do understand that right?"
Jess nodded. "Yes ma'am. I'm OK with what you've laid out."
Maura looked over at Jane. "Is there anything I'm missing?"
Jane thought momentarily before shaking her head from side to side. "No, I think that just about covers everything Maur. Jess? Is there anything you would like to say?"
"Thank you moms, I won't let you down this time. I won't let down any of you again." As Jess stood to hug her parents the guesthouse door flung open.
All three women turned around to see none other than Cailin standing in her hospital gown, breathing heavily holding on to her IV pole and portable oxygen tank.
"Cailin Jade Martin, what the hell?" Maura couldn't believe this. All Jane and Jess could do was laugh much to Maura's annoyance.
A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. We have had to write and rewrite a good bit. Life gets a bit busy and crazy sometimes as well but I believe we are back on track! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and we thank you for continuing to follow this story! As always we look forward to what you all think! :)