Motives
"I could afford to be capricious then." ~Valwyn K'ntarr
Chapter 28
Coruscant, 2 months later
"I didn't realize I was such poor company," Valwyn K'ntarr teased as Leia placed her hand on her mouth to cover a yawn.
"I'm sorry. It's not you, of course. I just haven't been," she cut herself off there. She had wanted to confess that she hadn't been sleeping well, but it seemed too intimate a confession to share with Valwyn. Not that the two of them had not become close, but more because he had continued to make his feelings for her known and she did not want to lead him on in any way by steering their talks anywhere near her bedroom.
"The Council continues to press you?" Valwyn guessed.
"Yes," she replied automatically.
Her agreement had only been a half lie. The fate of her people weighed heavily on her, of course. And the Council was continuing to exert their pressure on her to seal the deal for land from the Rydonnis in the easiest and most painless way possible (at least for them) by marrying Valwyn. And with the glacial pace that things were progressing with Han, her reasons for refusing this arrangement were wearing thin. But that was not what had her losing sleep night after night.
As tender as her and Han's little exchange had been at the funeral it still didn't erase the fact that Han was married. She didn't understand why this fact hadn't struck her as so permanent an obstacle before. It was difficult for her now to conjure up what state of mind she could've been in when she had entertained thoughts that this problem was something that they would eventually see their way through. Or when it had been something she had resolved herself to simply ignore. She thought of herself sitting on her desk with Han pressed against her and recalled with perfect clarity how she had yearned for him and urged him on regardless of it all.
It was embarrassing to her now that he had been of the higher moral character enough to stop them. She shuddered to think what she would consider herself now if she had gone through with it. Did she think she could be satisfied living her life as his mistress? It had been easy for her then to dismiss such titles as gossip and idleness on others' parts, but it would've been more than that, it would've been the truth and she could see that plainly now.
It was one thing to be suspected of such things. Innocence can grant the strength to even the most hideously accused person to hold their head up high. She didn't know if she had it in her to wear guilt on her sleeve and openly deny the truth and lie. The thought made her stomach turn. She had never before considered living on the other side of righteousness and justice. Would she even be the same person if she had allowed herself to do so? Probably not. And what of Han's wife? Eliza's mother? Sure, she was seriously ill, but wasn't wishing Han's marriage away tantamount to praying for the poor woman's death? That thought garnered Leia a full body shudder.
Valwyn drew her closer, wrapping his arm around her waist. It was Fall on Coruscant and the air was crisp and cool. They had just shared lunch together and they were walking through a large park on the edge of the government district on Coruscant. He was often in the same meetings with her, their office on the same floor of the same building. She would be lying if she claimed that she didn't enjoy his company.
She hadn't seen or heard from Han since Orakzai's funeral. When she was near him, everything was so easy. She could be satisfied with just one single look. But the days and weeks alone without even a word from him had her second guessing her resolve. Where their relationship stood was anybody's guess and although she knew with great certainty that she still loved him and always would, she couldn't envision their future together quite so certainly as she had before.
Valwyn walked beside her in silence, allowing her ample time to reflect and consider. Leia hadn't been paying attention to where they were going and it wasn't until he tugged at her hand to stop her that she realized they were alone in a far corner of the garden, well hidden behind a copse of tall bushes and small trees. It was very much like him to have slyly maneuvered her to a discrete setting. He had a habit of setting her at ease and then pushing her just far enough to keep her from running away from him entirely. He reminded her of Han in that way. If it weren't for Han, as a matter of fact, she could think of worse fates than being forced to marry Valwyn K'ntarr.
"I must speak to you earnestly," he began, keeping her hand enveloped in both of his. "I know that as a rule, that is something we have tried to avoid. But, you see, my people…," he hesitated and Leia saw for the first time real frustration and hurt painted on his sharp features.
She felt immediately guilty. She had been so wrapped up in her personal matters that she had let herself forget that for Val this wasn't some idle love affair where he was giddily giving chase with only his heart on the proverbial line. Behind him stood a world of people whose livelihoods rested, in their somewhat misguided opinions, on her seemingly fickle heart.
Val fixed his dark eyes on her and continued, "My people are starving. I thought that perhaps if I secured just one of the shipyard contracts we had discussed, then my government would discard this antiquated strategy of forcing us to marry. But…as the situation on Rydonni devolves, my hands in this matter are increasingly becoming tied."
He squeezed her hand in his and took a step closer to her.
"I know that you have something that is holding you back," he said and although he had used the word 'something', Leia knew that the word he meant to convey was: someone. Her face flushed as she felt so personally exposed.
He, gentleman that he was, didn't comment but simply said, "And you know that I respect that fully."
"There's nothing," Leia replied, choking on the raw truth of the words. "There's no one," she clarified, needing to say it out loud, not allowing herself the consolation of sugar-coating it. It felt like she was physically hurling Han out of an airlock and she looked away, unable to stop the tears from swelling in her eyes. "It's just that I-"
She was cut off when Valwyn took her chin in his fingers, so eerily reminiscent of a tender gesture that Han would do. He turned her face up towards him and before she could process what was happening, he was lowering his face to hers.
Before their lips touched, Val stopped and looked at Leia as if asking for permission to continue. She looked into his eyes. Perhaps this was the best that she could hope for? She let her mind absorb what that future would look like: Han married and miserable on Corellia and she, married and discontented on Rydonni. Not that a marriage to Valwyn would be such a horrific prospect. On a personal level, they complimented each other both in temperament and whit. But even if the immediate whirlwind of land and a future for the Alderaanians helped to lessen the bitter pill of a loveless marriage, she thought, eventually it would find its way around to the sad truth. And in a final moment of clarity she considered the idea of children. Would motherhood be as sweet holding a child that did not have Han's hazel eyes?
She pulled away, placing four fingers against her lips. Her eyes were wide and studying the man standing in front of her. She recalled quite clearly the confidant, nonchalant diplomat she had met all those months ago as he waved away his brother's wishes and laughed at his government's predicament. But this was not the same man. He was desperate now and although he may be attracted to her, she knew that that was not his primary reason for wanted to kiss or marry her. She was a means to an end.
"I'm sorry," Valwyn said earnestly, but his eyes said he was more hopeful than apologetic.
"No," she replied to him. "Don't apologize."
"I would make you a good husband," Val replied hurriedly. "You would have a good life."
"I know," she said, smiling as he all but verbalized her internal thoughts from earlier. She started to feel the same way as she had when Han had been so purposefully pressed against her, like she was compromising herself again but for different reasons. She began to see her only way out, began to make a decision. She looked back up to Valwyn and added, "But we don't love each other."
He stared at her, seeming more desperate and un-amused as she smiled up at him.
"Do you remember when we first met?" She continued. "What you said about marriage?"
He did not reply.
She knew that he remembered, but she repeated it anyway. "You said: marry for love and negotiate for all others."
"I could afford to be capricious then," he stated flatly.
Leia looked down at her feet. She had been trying to stay away. To be strong. To wait patiently. But maybe that just wasn't working any longer. When she looked back up to Valwyn she was deadly serious. "I'll get you in to see the President of Corellia," she promised. "So you can pitch your shipyard contract."
She was sure Han would see her and hear her out. Before he had left Coruscant, she had been helping him review deals very similar to these. She wasn't as certain of his reaction to her request. Han was well aware of Rydonni's intentions for her, it was what had spurred him on back on Coruscant. So he might not see a favor to Rydonni as anything he would want to do. Although this deal would alleviate the pressure of the proposed marriage and he had to see that as a compelling argument. In the end, she felt that he would make the deal. And doing this would force the two of them together in the same room again. She felt that was somehow important.
The decision made, she worried fleetingly about the one small matter that this course of action would still leave unresolved: the Alderaanians. No marriage would equal no land.
"I…," Valwyan stumbled. He looked somewhat relieved but still not wholly satisfied. "I still don't…"
She thought of his words from earlier: my people are starving. She recalled the heightened, desperate emotions in his eyes. She thought of the life they might have, a life they had both considered and saw as pleasant and comfortable. But it was not the life she wanted and she was tired of sacrificing herself for others. Wasn't that what had gotten her here in the first place? She could continue to lobby for land for her people. There just had to be another way.
"I'll speak to the President of Corellia directly," she promised. "I'll pull in any favors that I might have. You'll get your audience."
The Presidential Boardroom, Corellia
"And these numbers are correct?" Han asked, looking at his Secretary of Labor, Karin Whan.
"Unfortunately," she replied. "The incentives just haven't been enough. We need live bodies, now. Not babies."
As if on cue, the lights in the boardroom cutoff, drenching the room in darkness.
"Sit tight," Han said calmly. "It should only last a minute."
A few flickers. Another few moments of darkness and then a couple more flickers and the lights were back on.
"Jian?" Han asked, turning to his Energy Czar.
"You're on the most reliable grid here," the nonchalant man stated, running his fingers through his heavy beard. "A few blocks from here, people are out for hours if not days at a time."
"Have we consolidated? Hospitals? Schools? Homes? I thought we were moving everyone in to conserve resources."
"Hospitals and schools, to some extent," a woman answered, a representative from Public Health. "But people are very tied to their own sectors. They're reluctant to leave where they were born, sometimes generations have been born. I think forcibly-"
"We're not forcibly moving anyone," Han snapped. "We're not the Empire."
"It's not about Imperial Rule versus Republic," his Minister of War stated. Khan Mador. An actual old friend Han was able to dig up from out of the current Corellian ranks. Someone he trusted and usually saw eye-to-eye with. "It's not just hospitals and schools, either. Our local law enforcement, fire brigade and emergency services just cannot cover the amount of territory that our population is used to occupying. It's road maintenance, traffic lights, fuel-"
"Alright, alright," Han said, holding up his hand and then cupping it against his mouth while he read more and more of the reports. Nothing like taking over the reins of a planet that was literally on its knees. Here, in this room, they were focusing on the majority of the population residing in and around Coronet City, but the problems spread further out. The virus had spread to not only their homeworld of Corellia but due to constant trade routes and transportation, it had spread to every small, orbiting planet that made up the Corellian System.
Orakzai had implemented incentives for citizens to have more children. But babies, as Karin Whan had stated, just weren't going to cut it. The old president had been reticent to offer any immigration incentives. Corellian's population being decimated the way that it was, he worried that a large influx of people would change the culture and character of what it meant to be a Corellian. Coupled with the fact that most worlds were licking their wounds from the lengthy war and most people were returning home to their families and not looking to leave them and Han was in a pretty tough spot.
The lights flickered again.
"Maybe I can address the population," Han said. A few of his advisors shuffled in their seats in apparent disagreement with this decision, but he ignored them. "Ask for volunteers one more time and then begin a more aggressive approach before we face the cold season."
"You're only delaying the inevitable," Khan told him.
"You're probably right," Han replied. "But the more people we can get to move on their own, the better. In the meantime, we'll begin to work on a more aggressive plan. I expect all of you to send me pertinent notes on the value case for me to include in my speech."
As everyone began to shut down their datapads and stand, Gharris Stanton entered the room searching earnestly to get Han's attention. Han nodded and answered a few questions before picking up his own datapad and heading over to where Gharris stood.
"Your Excellency, sir," Gharris started.
Han had long since given up trying to get Gharris to call him anything else but "Your Excellency". "Yeah," he said. "What is it? Is Eliza alright? Sasha?"
"Oh, yes," Gharris stuttered. "I did not mean to alarm you by my excitement. But..we have located Commodore Rutien."
Rutien. With everything else going on in his life, Han had almost forgotten about looking for his old commanding officer. The one that had, however oddly, aided Han and Watts in their escape from Kashyyk. "Okay, shoot," Han said, wondering what secrets and changes this would unearth and bring upon him and his family.
"He is on Abregado-rae," Gharris stated. "A rather dishonorable and corrupt planet, sir. Certainly not any place for Your Excellency to visit."
Han laughed, clapping his hand on Gharris' shoulder. "You don't say?"
Han would be hard-pressed to name another planet that he had spent more time on than Abregado-rae. Its lenient laws, vicinity to the Core Worlds and its position at the top of the Rimma Trade Route made it almost a second home to him and Chewie back in their heyday.
Han had begun walking out of the conference room and toward his office.
"Your Excellency, sir," Gharris called, following closely behind him. "Certainly the President doesn't intend on extending an official visit to that skullduggery of a planet?"
"No, certainly not," Han soothed.
"Oh, thank the goddess and all her sisters," his assistant sighed.
A wide grin crawled across Han's face. "Not an official visit, no."