34: Out of Darkness

"Setsuna-chan! It's okay!" I said frantically, trying to stop her tears from falling. "Don't worry! Didn't you hear?! The prize for second place is a one week trip to Okinawa!" Setsuna was still standing upon the stage, lifeless.

"Yeah! That's amazing! It'll be great," Ayumu added, as all the girls tried to comfort her.

"No, no, no!" Setsuna screamed, crying into her hands. "WHY!?"

"We have to get off stage now, Setsuna-chan," Yu said, trying to pull her by the hand. "It's fine. We didn't do anything wrong! We tried our very best. It's the judges' fault!"

"It's because I didn't practice enough! I must have done something wrong!" Setsuna protested, refusing to leave the stage.

"No, it's not your fault!" I shouted. "If it was anyone's, it's mine! Because of all the drama I caused, so much time that we could've spent practicing was taken away. Don't blame yourself!"

"This isn't how it was supposed to end," Setsuna cried. "Not like this!"

"Setsuna, let's talk elsewhere, we need to go," Emma said.

"WHY!?"

I reached out and swept Setsuna off her feet and into my arms.

"Let's go, okay!?" I shouted, carrying the crying Setsuna offstage.

"Let go of me! Let go!" Setsuna screamed, hitting my arm as tears spilled onto my shirt.

We headed back into the prep room, and everyone was worried with mixed emotions in their hearts.

"Setsuna-chan, we have to change back into our clothes now, okay? Come on, now!" Karin said, giving her a hug.

"N-no." Setsuna pouted, looking at the floor.

"Come on, let's head home, and you can get some rest first! You've had a long day."

"NO! THIS ISN'T HAPPENING!" Setsuna shrieked, shoving Karin off of her.

"Fine. If you don't want to, don't!" Karin turned away and began unbuttoning her shirt. "We did everything we could, Setsuna. Second place is good enough."

"NO IT ISN-" I grabbed Setsuna by the shoulders and hugged her as tight as I could.

"Setsuna. Please," I whispered, stroking her long hair.

After hearing her breathe sharply, she began to calm down.

"Come on outside. If you don't want to change, then wait with me," I said, taking her by the hand. Surprisingly, she followed me, and I closed the door to let the other girls change.

"Derrick! Oh, Derrick!" Setsuna slid her back down the side of the hallway wall and cried into her knees.

I took a seat next to her and put an arm around her.

"Setsuna-chan, it's fine. No one is blaming you for anything."

"I know! I know. But I'm blaming myself!"

"Look. There's still next year, right? You're still a second year. Next year, you'll definitely win Love Live. Trust."

"What are we gonna do without you, Emma, Karin, and Kanata?!"

"There's a lot of other people out there, Setsuna-chan. I heard there were more girls interested in joining the club!"

"What good is that gonna do?! What if I lose next year? Then what!? There's nothing left!"

"You gotta have hope," I replied. "Isn't that what you told me? I remember… that day when we went to Akiba… you noticed that I was feeling down. So when the sun was setting, you took me on a detour to that seaside marina, remember? And you sang that song? I remember that one line, 'hope born from tears'. See? Even though you're crying today, you still have to hold on to that hope."

"B-but that doesn't mean anything! Just because I have hope doesn't mean it's gonna come true! Those are just sweet words, fake words!" Setsuna said this with a passion, her tormented face boring into my eyes.

"So you're telling me that you don't believe a word of the songs you sing?!" I said, taken aback. "Didn't you tell me that the reason you sang was to give people around the world hope? Hope for a better day, to stand up, to look forward? That you wanted to be the wings for their hearts?!"

"I-" Setsuna was at a loss for words.

"I know you believe in hope," I said convincingly. "Because only someone who does could have brought me out of the darkness time and time again. I guess it's just your turn in the dark. But don't worry. You'll get out of it. I'm here for you, Setsuna-chan."

"J-just, give me some time for myself. Sorry." Setsuna pulled my arm off of her.

"Alright."

I stood up, just as the door opened and Ayumu poked her head out.

"Derrick-senpai! We're done! Let's go to the festival outside, okay?"

"Sure thing, Ayumu-chan!"

"Setsuna-chan, come with us, will you?"

"You guys go without me…" Setsuna mumbled. Ayumu and I looked at each other in concern, and we shuffled out, along with the others.

"Whoooo! Let's go! We get an entire week in Okinawa?!" Ai cheered, pumping her fist in the air and jumping.

"Yeah! Omg, Derrick, you excited?! You get to see us in bikinis!" Kasumi teased, giggling.

"Th-that's gonna be amazing," I said half-heartedly, still thinking about Setsuna.

"I'm definitely NOT gonna wear a bikini in front of you," Yu said, shaking her head. "Don't even think about it!"

"What?! I mean, I literally saw you in your underwear, so…" I chuckled.

"H-hey! Why did you have to say that… in front of… everyone…." Yu looked around at the other girls, who were all grinning or shocked.

"D-don't worry, Yu-chan!" Ayumu piped, coming to her defense. "H-he saw me in my underwear too! I- I let him too."

The other girls gaped in shock.

"What the hell? Since when did you three have a threesome?!" Ai laughed. "Though I wouldn't be surprised at all, with the way you guys act around each other… hahah!"

"I-it's not like that!" I protested, blushing.

"Hey, hey, hey! You saw me butt naked," Kasumi said, proudly putting her hands on her hips. "And you sure enjoyed it!"

I thought back to that time at the training camp during winter break, when Kasumi barged into the mens' bath.

"Oh my gosh, Kasumi, I was trying my hardest to forget that," I shot, rolling my eyes.

"Umm…" Shizuku was super uncomfortable, and she tried to shuffle away, blushing. "I-I'm just gonna go get some of that takoyaki over there…"

"H-hey, lemme come with you!" I said, following her.

"Wait for me!"

The rest of us, minus Setsuna, ran off to celebrate, trying our best to shake off the disappointment and worry that haunted the backs of our minds.

"How did we do!?" Ayumu squealed, as she ran to give Takeshi a big hug.

"You did great," he laughed, patting her head. Surrounding him were a group of his college friends, all with dyed hair and expensive clothes on, chattering and tapping away at their phones.

"OMG," one of the girls said, "Are you Ayumu-chan? Takeshi-kun's little high schooler bitch? Ahahah!"

Ayumu suddenly stepped back in shock.

"W-what?" She said, eyes watering.

"Heheh, don't worry about it, Ayumu," Takeshi said, scratching his neck. "That's just the way they talk, it's nothing!" He turned to his friend. "Don't mess with her like that! She's really sensitive."

"Ohh, I'm sorry, babe!" The girl apologized, hugging Ayumu. "You're so tiny and sweet!"

Ayumu, hurt and uncomfortable, pulled away from the stranger.

"Takeshi-nii-chan…" She said sadly, grabbing his hand and looking up at him with puppy eyes.

"Sorry, y'all, can you leave us two alone for a while?" Takeshi addressed his friends, and they all laughed, rolled their eyes and left.

"I guess we should leave them be, too," I said.

"Yeah, as gross as it is…" Yu turned and left, and the rest of us followed. Behind me, I could hear Ayumu giggling once again.

"Well, I'm not really sad that we got second place," Emma said, munching on her takoyaki. "In some ways, going to Okinawa is more fun than a world tour! I've never been there before either."

"Yeah… but for Setsuna, things are a little different…" I mumbled.

"Mmm. I understand. But… you can't cry over spilled milk! I mean, it's not what she wished for, but at least we still get something great!"

"I think Setsuna's just overreacting," Karin said. "She'll calm down after a while."

"I really hope she's okay…" Yu said sadly. "D-Derrick… you should talk to her alone later. I think she'll appreciate it."

"W-why me? I… I've known her for the least amount of time compared to you guys…"

"And I think that's exactly why you should talk to her. Only someone from the outside can make her get her head out of the clouds," Ai said.

"But… I don't think her head is in the clouds," I said. "I support her dream…"

"We all do," Ai replied. "But we have to be realistic. And yeah, we could have easily won. But we didn't. You can't just base your entire identity on one thing, and when that's gone, you're just completely helpless. There's so many other things to live for!"

"I mean, I guess…"

We were back on the bus, bellies full and hearts tired. I was about to sit between Yu and Ayumu, but they scooted together to prevent me from sitting down. Yu shook her head and raised her eyebrows over at Setsuna, who was sitting alone, leaning her head against the window. I went over and took a seat next to her. She didn't react.

"Setsuna-chan…" I put a hand on her arm. She looked at me, teary eyed, and when she did, she fought back a sob, covering her mouth. "It's okay." She shook her head, then planted her head on my thighs, silently weeping all the way back.

"Hey… it's time to go home now," I said, lightly tapping her on the shoulder. She raised her head and stood up, picking up her bag. We all got off the bus, and outside, it was already dark.

We all waved goodbye to each other.

"Setsuna-chan!" I said, as she was walking away. She turned back around, meeting my eyes.

"Y-yes, Derrick-senpai?" She said quietly, the first time she had spoken in hours.

"C-can I walk you home?"

Setsuna thought for a moment.

"N-no… you shouldn't… I'm not worth your compassion… I'm not worthy to be your leader, either…"

The other girls had already left, and we were the only two standing under the streetlight at the school gates.

"Don't say that, Setsuna."

"Good night," she said, walking away.

"Setsuna, I'm coming with you!"

"It's fine, really-"

"I want to take you somewhere, okay?" I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

"Where?"

"I-it's a surprise… but I think it'll cheer you up…"

Setsuna shrugged, so I just followed her to the station and got onto the train with her. Setsuna reached over and took my guitar case, brushing her hand against mine.

"I'll hold that for you," she said.

"It's… fine…" I replied, but she didn't want to hear it. As we stood in the moving train, she leaned her head against my shoulder, closing her eyes.

When we got to the station, I grabbed her hand and led her off.

"So, where is it you wanted to take me?"

"There," I replied, pointing to a glowing neon karaoke sign.

Setsuna laughed.

"W-what?!" She looked at me with disbelief. "What is the meaning of this?"

"Exactly what you think it is."

Setsuna couldn't help but smile.

We entered the small karaoke room, and I ordered a pair of ramune drinks.

"Here you go," I said, handing one to Setsuna. She sat on the couch with a mixed expression of amusement and lingering sadness. We had attracted quite a few stares from passersby as we came, as Setsuna was still wearing her idol outfit.

"Alright, Setsuna-chan," I said, "prepare to have your mind blown!" I popped open my drink, clinked it against hers, and hit the music.

"N-no, no! Hahaahha!~" Setsuna giggled as the sound of my horrendous singing filled the room.

"LALALAALALA, LALAAL!A!" I screamed, failing miserably.

When the song was over, Setsuna was clutching her sides, rolling over the couch in laughter.

"S-stop, Derrick, no, just stop it!" She said in between bursts of laughter, as she rose to pull the microphone away from me.

"See? You had your mind blown!" I grinned.

"Yes, NOT in the way I wanted," Setsuna replied, shaking her head. "I'll show you how it's done!" She queued up "Flowers of the Future" by Sonoda Umi, and amazed me once again with her exceptional talent.

"Wow… bravo, bravo!" I cheered, clapping my hand when she was done.

"Now THAT's how you do it," Setsuna said, putting the mic down and sitting, catching her breath.

"See? Setsuna-chan, you're amazing! And you know it. So… don't be too sad about today, okay?" I softened my voice and sat down next to her.

Setsuna chuckled.

"Oh, Derrick… y-you're trying too hard to make me feel better…"

"What do you mean? Every time I was sad, you sang a song to heal my heart. It's only fair that I do the same."

Setsuna declined to comment, but just smiled, taking a long sip of her ramune. It was almost as if she was drunk on soda, as her cheeks became bright red.

"You want another drink?" I asked, going to order one.

"R-really? I mean, I do…"

"Don't worry! Have all you want. Come on, sing some more! Sing out all the pain, okay? Tonight's on me." I grinned, and Setsuna took up the mic, singing all night long.

We trudged out of the karaoke place wasted, stumbling and laughing.

"Ahhh, that was so fun," Setsuna sighed, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

"It sure was! See? It's not the end of the world. Alright? So be happy now, okay?"

"Yeah. I'll definitely win next year." Setsuna sighed. "I thought about what you said earlier today, and I realized what I had been doing wrong all along."

"And what is that?" I asked, as we approached the station, crossing the street.

"You asked if I even believed in the hope and inspiration I was singing about. Well… no, not until now." Setsuna stopped in her tracks when we reached the platform. "I was so focused on helping other people, on pulling them out of the darkness, that I'd forgotten myself in the dark. I always wanted to give others hope, when my own heart was weak, always in constant worry. I don't think a girl like that can inspire others. That's why… I've realized that I have to have hope myself before I can give it to others. And sometimes…the only way to get that hope is from someone else. Like tonight, senpai." Setsuna wiped her wet eyes. "You gave me hope."

I felt my eyes water as well.

"We give each other hope, we lose that hope, and we find it again… it's all part of life, eh? But just know that I support you all the way. And I believe that you can win next year. So don't lose that hope."

"Yeah. I understand now. Thank you." Setsuna gave me a tight hug. "I think you're more suited to be the leader than me."

"Nah, no one would follow a blundering loser like me."

"I would. And you're not a loser." Setsuna reached up and kissed me on the cheek.

"W-what was that for?!" I asked, blushing, touching my cheek.

"Nothing much. Just a thank you gift," Setsuna smiled slyly. "Well… your train's the opposite direction, right? Mine is coming right up." A train was slowing down as it stopped at the station behind her, illuminating her black hair and white dress with its bright windows, framing her smile glistening with tears.

"Thank you, Derrick. Goodbye." Setsuna waved goodbye, and turned to the train.

"S-Setsuna-chan, wait!" I said, stepping forward.

"Hmm? What is it?" She looked back, a hand tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

"L-let's go to Akiba together sometime, okay?!" I asked.

Setsuna smiled.

"For sure."