Nikita was being so sweet with him. Although she forced him to breathe and think and not rush off to do something stupid, she was letting him take complete control of the mission. In their entire working relationship, whether she was a recruit then an agent and he was her handler, or they were enemies, or they were partners, she had never willingly allowed Michael to take the lead. Except for one other occasion; except for Kasim. Whenever it came to his family, she took the backseat. She had his back in all things, supporting him no matter what. Yet in those instances, she gave him the space he needed to process. He never asked her for it- mostly because he didn't know he needed it. She simply understood him better than anybody.
And that included himself. After all, he was still trying to wrap his head around all that shit. Since his initial anger and panic had burned out and fizzled into the confusing ether, he just felt numb. Michael knew he'd never be able to have it all. Even if he tried, even with Nikita working next to him attempting to have her family, it wouldn't have been possible. It was a lovely dream to cling to in dark moments. He could have hope that the best possible outcome could occur. But in their world, with their crusade, their best was just being able to survive. If he wanted that for his son, then he couldn't be in his life. Although his heart had argued against that, in his mind he knew that was true.
Fighting Division, and Gogol, and God knew who else was going to continue to take so much from the team. Innocents had to be protected from that hell. As long as Michael was a rogue agent, and an enemy to powerful organizations his son was a target. There was even a chance that after everything was said and done, Max would continue to face danger. Freedom didn't secure safety. Effects from their war would last for far longer than any of them would've liked. There was no simple fix of when the war ended there would be peace. That was something they would have to keep struggling and fighting for for the rest of their days.
As much as he wanted to think positively, he had to be realistic. If he really wanted what was best for his son, he had to let him go- live the normal life he wasn't able to promise his daughter. Michael wasn't sure what that said about him exactly. Maybe he never clawed his way out of the negative thoughts he had let drown his mind. He thought he had once Nikita entered his life. But it always felt like he was back on that base, watching helplessly as the car burst into flames. Everything he loved could be lost in an instant, and it'd be all his fault.
Although they were jetting off to confront Cassandra, he had no idea what to say. Michael could let it all out; all the rage and pain inside of him could erupt in a fury. What would that really accomplish besides frustration, though. While he exhaled a hot breath, Nikita reached over and grabbed his hand. She didn't spare him a glance. She remained focused on the Gogol files Alex had sent over, but she slipped her fingers between his and squeezed. Casting his gaze over to her, a smile almost pulled at his lips. He didn't have any answers and he was still reeling, however, he felt a small sense of calm. Breathing came just a little bit easier.
Thoughts quickly turned from Max to Nikita. Honestly, most of his thoughts circled around his son or his girlfriend. Yet recently, that had been exceptionally true. She had said something regarding the current situation that struck him hard- 'you don't want him to pay for the mistakes of both of his parents'. The experience that had weighed her voice was heartbreaking. She wouldn't have been where she was had it not been for her parents. She wouldn't be running for her life, fighting so hard just to smile when she had no clear conscious of home, had it not been for vain attempts at coverups. Michael could argue that there were positives to her being adopted and being given to Division- the team being alive and together came to mind. But there was no doubt with all the hurt she had faced, Nikita was consumed by her negative feelings.
She didn't wish that on his son. Hell, she didn't wish that on anybody. Max should be free of any pain that his parents might cause him with their asinine decisions. He should be their utmost priority, not their fear and hurt. If Michael and Cassandra really wanted him safe, they had to find alternate solutions. There were never only two options- never an either or. That was possibly the one constant Nikita had come across in her crusade. If a person was determined enough, they could find another way. That was what they were going to have to do with Max. For him to have a life that was more than just surviving, they had to find that other way.
Besides, when Michael was calm enough to think and not just feel, he knew Cassandra felt the same hopelessness and fear he did. Time and time again she had proved how much Max meant to her; she'd give up everything for him. It was possible she'd give up her position with Gogol as well. She was already considering leaving MI6, so why not the corrupt Russian organization. She could start over, live a new and better life with her son. That life couldn't involve a rogue agent, however. Michael was back to realizing he was going to have to leave his son for his benefit. He was going to have to keep making sacrifices.
Another squeeze of Nikita's hand got him to refocus. Michael could force himself to see a positive outcome; he could force himself to see a light at the end of the war. He just had to get through the confrontation with Cassandra and they could find a solution together. The fact that the rogues had to crash a MI6 operation in order to corner Max's mother probably wasn't their best move. But they also had to ensure Gogol's countermission wasn't a success. At least Cassandra agreed that it was her last mission. After that, she could leave and be free. And Michael could visit his son in peace anytime he wanted.
It wasn't that simple, however. Something went wrong, and Nikita and Michael had to disguise themselves as CIA agents to set it right. Cassandra and her team were saved at least, and they could move onto brighter things. Well, that was what they had in mind. The rogues managed to meet up with Alex and Sean while they were in Russia. They checked in, shared intel, and prepared themselves for their next moves. Not only did they have to wrap up the whole mole situation, but Katya finally reached out to her daughter. The team was given another bright spot to look forward to- the Udinovs could finally be reunited.
Their brief moment of reprieve was quickly cut short, though. It was always like that with the team. Everytime something good happened, two more bad things popped up and ruined everything. While Sean pulled Nikita away in an attempt to talk to her, Alex got a call from Ari. Semak was dead. It wasn't clear who had killed him, yet he was dead nonetheless. The young woman thought she would've been relieved at the knowledge; she thought it would be news worth celebrating. Instead, she simply slumped on the couch and stared blankly and numbly at nothing in particular.
Michael knew that emptiness brought by vengeance well. Killing the person who destroyed your whole life and love didn't bring it all back. You were just left with the empty void revenge put in your heart. He did his best to comfort Alex over it- Kasim once again being thought of. However, the team didn't get to spend much more time together. They got an alert that another intelligence agency was being blamed for Semak's death. Instantly, they knew it was MI6- specifically, Cassandra. No wonder the mission had gone to shit and Gogol was going to let her go. It was a set-up, and they were going to burn her.
They didn't want to, but the team had to split once more. Michael and Nikita dashed off to save Cassandra and Max, while Sean and Alex went after Katya. With Semak dead, there was a power vacuum forming within Zetrov. The wife of two of the leaders was going to be placed in the crosshairs as others (no doubt Ari or Amanda) vied for power. The team just had to keep protecting loved ones; it was basically what their job entailed. Division and Gogol knew too much about them not to attack where it hurt the most. Their enemies simply had to go straight for the heart in their attempt to tear them down.
That was really what it felt like as more things unfolded with Cassandra. MI6 was tipped off to her status as a mole, and the organization turned on her as well. Nikita and Michael were left scrambling once more just to get her free from their clutches. There was no point in proving her innocence; it wasn't going to get them anywhere. Escape was their only chance to make safety a priority. Where exactly Cassandra could escape to was the problem. How could she possibly be on the run with a little boy by her side. Max wasn't going to understand. And one little mistake could bring death to their door. They were back to square one.
Except, Nikita had an idea no one was going to like. The only way to escape intelligence organizations like Gogol and MI6 was to die- or at least pretend to. They could play the two against one another, make them believe the other had killed Cassandra and Max. Although Michael hated the iea more than anything, he knew his partner was right; that was the other option he was desperately trying to find. His son would be kept from harm's way, as would the boy's mother. The kind of safe and peaceful life any parent wanted for their child could be his- no more looking over the shoulder for when it all came crashing down.
Whereas that was great for Max, Michael couldn't be a part of it. Cassandra had asked him to. If she was able to run away from Gogol and MI6, then so could he. However, his enemies were different. Division wasn't going to rest with him gone. His war wasn't going to end just like that. He also couldn't leave Nikita behind. She deserved the chance to fight for her family as well; he couldn't ask her to just run away with him. And in that brief moment between the plane blowing up and her informing him the diversion had been a success was absolute hell. He had already lived his life without her, and he couldn't do it again. The best option for everybody was for him to stay where he was.
At least as he said goodbye, his son was able to wave back. Michael clung to that fact as though it were a lifeline. Max was going to be alright. He was going to grow big and strong and happy. It was going to happen all without his father, but he still had his mother. There was still going to be so much love in his life. That was the best option his father could've wanted. As long as Max was safe, happy, and loved, then what did it matter if Michael was involved or not. He wasn't really losing a child. He was giving him a new life- a better life. His son was going to have a world without pain or heartbreak.
"You're a good father, Michael," Nikita's soft yet sincere words snapped Michael's attention to her. She never thought a parent giving up their child would be a good thing. However, the fact that he let go of Max so that he could be safe above all else was the most selfless and loving act she had ever witnessed. He could've held onto his son, gone with him just so he didn't have to lose another child. But that would've only led to more destruction. Despite his heart telling him otherwise, he knew that. He had to say goodbye to his son so that the world didn't have to.
He wanted to respond, but he couldn't bring himself to speak. Michael simply let the tears overwhelm him, as he wrapped Nikita in a tight embrace. She settled against him, giving him a moment to process and breathe on his own. His arms brought her even closer to him, and he placed a kiss to her temple. Honestly, he had no idea what he would do without her. She brought him back from the edge of oblivion more times than he could ever count. The decisions they had to make and the war they had to fight was bearable with her next to him. He could see a future for the both of them- a future without any more loss. It was a place where they could be happy and free together with their own family.