They push as hard as they can through the day, passing a recent campsite marked by Graldik which indicates that they are not more than half a day behind the rest of the caravan since the pace has been noticeably slowed by the loss of a second wagon. Given it is mid afternoon they carry on for a little longer, the sound of Fíli and Kíli's chatter fills the air as they talk about the last several weeks in the safe and cautious manner of new acquaintances, or a pair of princes trying to hide who they really are. Nori can feel Dwalin's eyes burning into her back as she talks idly to Asger and she knows that when they stop for the night she is going to need to find an excuse to drag him off somewhere more isolated so that he can get whatever is bothering him off his chest.
"What's between you and Dwalin?" Asger asks later when they have stopped and Nori is keeping careful watch out into the darkness as the others begin to settle for the night.
"Air," Nori replies, a little too glibly.
"Lass," the steel-haired dwarf warns. "I need to know if it's going to be a problem. We're going through Dunland and we're running late. Which puts us ever closer to orc season and I know you're experienced enough travelling to be aware of that."
"I know," she sighs, and she does. One of the problems that Nori had managed to spot early on during the quest was the lack of trust between her people and Briar, to the extent that Thorin and the others would snap at the hobbit and wrote her off as almost useless until she had proven herself. Which the thing with the trolls should have given her the chance to, had it occurred to Fíli or Kíli to check that Briar had more than a small pocket knife. Then again, the two lads had been more focussed on avoiding their uncle's ire than they had been on the safety of a member of their little group.
The more Nori thinks about it all, the more keenly she feels her failure of the Briar of the quest for Erebor.
"So I need to know that you two aren't going to be snipping away at each other the whole time and are going to fight together," Asger presses, bringing her back to the present. "What's between you and do I need to send him away because of it?"
"I met Dwalin not long after I lost… well," she pulls a face, never having given the lover a name in her current stories. "I was grieving, drinking, looking for a quick fuck to try and feel something that wasn't my heart shattering. You know, all that crap that comes with feelings and getting attached."
"I know," Asger confirms. "What did he do?"
"He turned me down," Nori huffs, "he flirted and drank with me and made me think that I might get a chance to feel and then he decided that I was too drunk to tumble. He wanted to take me home and let me sober up and then try for something more than I wanted or needed. I lashed out, told him I don't give second chances," because obviously she is a complete hypocrite no matter which version of her life she is in, "and we kept running into each other and for whatever reason we've been biting away at each other ever since. It's a stupid grudge and it won't be an issue."
"I'd rather not take your word for that," Asger observes, a raised eyebrow telling her that he can tell that is not the whole story. "All other aspects of our interactions aside, I have to look out for the caravan first. I'll take the rest of your watch, get Dwalin, go far enough away that a little bit of yelling won't wake up the rest and get whatever it is that's really had him sticking daggers in you all day sorted, whether that means making your peace or one of you deciding to give up this job."
"It isn't…" she begins and he scowls at her. "Right."
She gets to her feet and goes to where Dwalin has set up his bedroll, his position obviously protective of the two youngest members of their little party. Most would overlook that, the lads are young and Dwalin has always carried the air of protector. It was one of the things that had first attracted Nori to him in her previous life. Nori knows better, she also knows just how quick he is to grab a blade when woken so she stations herself at his feet and kicks him. He is sat up with the same dagger she had stolen from him to make a point in his hands in a heartbeat, poised and ready to slice through whoever might have woken him. He gives her a cool stare and she makes a few quick gestures to tell him that Asger wants them to talk about the tension between them. He nods and follows, letting her lead him far enough away that the light of the campfire is a glow at their backs.
"Not sure a little chat is going to solve this," Dwalin snarls once they are far enough away.
"Asger says we hash it out, or one of us leaves," Nori points out. "And it isn't going to be me."
"You think he would actually try and enforce that?"
"No reason not to," Nori shrugs. "We're short hands anyway, he isn't going to want people working with him who can't work together."
"I can work with you just fine," Dwalin hisses. "We agreed to that. Or I thought we had before you buggered off with Kíli without even bothering to let his Ma know what you were up to!"
"Cadan," Nori stresses the name, "would have done it regardless of whether I had been with him or not. Better I went with him than turned him away. The next time he wouldn't even have asked me and would have found a way out anyway. His uncle might have accepted his trade, but his… she refuses to." She glances around to make sure no one has snuck close to listen. They are in the open, deliberately so to make it harder for eavesdroppers. "Every stumbling block she puts in our way will drive him further away from her. And frankly I would prefer to be with him, keeping an eye on him and making sure he doesn't get himself killed, than making her happy. My loyalty is to that boy."
She sees Dwalin pause at that. Then he sighs.
"You didn't see her when she found his note," he mutters, obviously having picked up on her refusal to name any names or the relationship between Kíli and Dís. She always knew he was quicker than he wanted others to realise. "She argued with his uncle for days about stopping Fílian from coming out here. I should have known those boys had a plan with how hard he resisted leaving Bree when we got there two weeks ago."
"His uncle could no more have stopped Fílian from coming out here than I could have let Cadan come alone," Nori shakes her head. "Not with who they are."
"Tell that to her," Dwalin says. "Without… you know, she doesn't see much of a future in his inheritance anyway so she doesn't think it should matter overly."
"I never heard whether she joined a caravan," Nori muses. "I've asked around, but no one could ever tell me."
"With her brother craft-wed?" Dwalin arches an eyebrow. "No chance they were risking her out here. They paid it off." Which just makes some things about the future make even less sense, Nori fumes internally, but explains why she was so content with the idea of paying off the lads' obligation. "Never pictured you as the sort to fall in line with any authority," he adds thoughtfully. "What's Asger to you?"
"He scratches an itch, I'm not planning on setting up a house with him," Nori replies, "and it gave me an excuse to talk to you without anyone listening in. You know how much its going to fuck things up if we don't keep our stories straight? Including why those two get on so well."
"You're pretending to be his aunt?" Dwalin asks. "Never thought Thorin was your type," he adds with a smirk when she nods.
"I can still cut you, Guard, see if I don't," she whispers even though a smile dances about her lips at the tease. "Aunt seemed like the safest bet, and I told him I don't have any steady work so it was easy enough for me to drop everything and come with the lad. We've told Asger he's a year too young for this."
"Alright," Dwalin muses. "Their uncle has no idea who all their friends are."
"So?" She scoffs. "I have a hard time imagining he knows much at all about what they get up to when they aren't in his sight."
"So how likely would it be that Cadan's aunt would?" He replies.
"I'm more involved than their uncle," Nori points out.
"Now, but not all the time if you travel for work," Dwalin shakes his head.
"So we tell the truth? The boys planned it all," she smiles. "And you're pissed at me because you thought it was my idea?"
"Better than a lie," Dwalin says, "I'm not good at lying." With a few more years associating with her, Nori thinks miserably, that particular phrase will not be something Dwalin can claim any longer. "We'll have to find a moment to tell the lads," he adds.
"I can tell Cadan easily enough, he knows how to keep the other one in line," Nori shakes her head. "Let me handle it, and quit glaring at me all the time."
"You want me to smile and treat you like a princess?"
"I'd rather you didn't do anything at all," she tells him, "for the sake of my sanity if nothing else." She takes a deep breath. "Let's use it as a fresh start and when we go back you can carry all the tales you like about me to their Ma and uncle."
Dwalin shrugs, "Far as I'm concerned you're doing your best by that boy, even if it isn't the best thing for anyone else associated with him. Maybe it's time they realised those boys are growing up, maybe it's time they let him actually do it, instead of treating Fílian like a full grown replacement for his uncle and the lad like a helpless babe without his trade."
"Now that's something I didn't expect of you," Nori is pleasantly surprised by it, even with all the years she spent getting to know the other Dwalin. "What brought that on?"
"Fíli has been… happier since we started on the road. I hadn't realised how heavily his uncle's expectations weighed on him until he was free of them for a while," Dwalin sighs. "And K… Cadan has actually shown signs of taking responsibility for things since you came into his life. If you know what to look for." His hand twitches, as though he wants to touch her shoulder in much the way he would a trusted comrade, although he does not actually try to do so and Nori appreciates that.
"You didn't think that a few months ago," she points out.
"I wasn't looking a few months ago," Dwalin confesses. "I was listening to his Ma and uncle, instead of paying attention to the boy and you. And I did the same today. I learn from my mistakes, lass, I'll not judge the things you and the boy do until I know the why of it."
"The boy?" Nori says as she pulls a face. "Always give him the benefit of the doubt. Me? More often than not my reasons are 'why not?' so you should probably always be a bit suspicious of me."
"You haven't burnt me yet," Dwalin shakes his head, "until you do, you have my trust."
Something in Nori's stomach goes tight at that. In her previous life she had worked for years to gain this level of trust from Dwalin and left herself vulnerable as a result. It had been grudgingly given, before they were involved romantically at all, and had been one of the points she had made against that kind of relationship forming in the first place before he had managed to convince her. It would be a simple thing to shatter that trust he has given her, it would not even take her all that long to do it. There is a difference between Dwalin telling Thorin that he trusts her to do her job and him telling her that she simply has his trust. They are as alone as they can be given their circumstances, he does not need to convince anyone of anything. It would not take much to destroy that, she could lift his purse with no effort at all and go about her days. Dwalin would not challenge her for the sake of being able to watch over the lads, but rather than want to destroy that trust and shatter any chance that this Dwalin might ever feel for her what the other him did, she wants to cling to it. It is foolish, and the future she knows is coming will surely throw something at her which will force her to break any trust he has given her, but it is the smallest sign that maybe what they had was more real than its end had let her believe. She wants to scream at the hurt which flashes through her with the realisation that comes with that thought, that perhaps, given time, that future Dwalin might have realised how foolish he was being.
Now she will never know and she settles for a simple nod before turning back to camp. If she looks at him any longer she knows she will do something foolish, though she cannot tell even herself what that might be.
A.N: I have my computer back! I'm also writing chapter 43 right now, so my buffer is getting bigger. Which means I'm definitely sticking to two updates a week while I can. I should be studying, but eigenvectors and eigenvalues aren't exactly my idea of a great time. They aren't terrible, just not gripping. You know what is gripping? Reviews. Those are gripping. And Kingdom Hospital, because apparently I have a craving for rewatching that right now.