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i think I'm scared of all the signs
don't ever leave me alone at night
i think I'm scared (I think I'm scared)
i don't know why (I don't know why)
just leave the lights on and close the blinds

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scaredy cat - DPR IAN

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[LIFELINES]

chapter thirty-eight: hook, line & sinker

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I've really struck gold with her.

She's lying on my chest, past out. The whole night she had been comforting me, talking to me, keeping me at ease. Tonight, I talked to her about Kaori again until my voice went hoarse. She had calmed me down and listened to everything I had to say. I'm not surprised that she's tired.

My hand caresses her cheek, going upwards to tuck her auburn locks behind her ear. She's beautiful. I don't know how I got this lucky with Sora. She's a wonderful person. She's strong willed. Fierce. Loving. Caring. Patient and impatient. Kind.

Besides from that brief stint when I thought I liked Jun, Sora's the first person I've actually considered as a romantic interest since Kaori. I had wanted Sora's impression of me to be polished, to appear like I had all my shit together...but it did an uno reverse on me. Sora's witnessed it all, and has been there for me when I've fallen apart. She had the front row seats to my soap opera of a life. From the panic attacks, the remissions, the withdrawals. My ugly side. She's seen it all.

And it's humiliating.

I should have been embarrassed ages ago, after how many times I've made a fool out of myself in front of her - but it's only hitting me now. I'm the sanest I've been in a while. No alcohol, no substances. Just me...maybe that's why I feel more awkward about this now.

Anyway, do you know what's also embarrassing?

Takeru walking in on us (again). Well, it took a while for me to stir. I woke up to Sora and my younger brother exchanging comments, trying to outwit each other. As much as I adore Sora, she never had a chance against Takeru - and I'm saying this even on my part. He's a genius whenever it comes to words.

That made Satou-san, my mother and now Takeru know about Sora and I being together... I'm sure Satou's hinted that the KOD members (plus Jun) knew too. We were bound to have to tell our friends soon - that is, if the media wasn't going to beat us to it. The secrets were going to bite us in the ass one way or another. And, knowing Takeru, he wouldn't keep it quiet for too long. I'm sure Hikari already knows - I just really hope she doesn't spill the beans to Taichi. I really can't deal with him grilling me right now. One disaster at a time, please.

It's been three days since my recent breakdown. Aside from a few quick stops at her place to grab some belongings, Sora hasn't left my apartment. She's been staying with me - and, who knew, that it was exactly what I needed. Sora refused to keep me out of her sight. She's been working from home (her job is flexible like that), and has been ensuring to keep tabs on everything I do. Cooking me healthy meals, making sure I get out of bed every morning. Teaching me yoga stretches. Eyeing me like a hawk when I take my medications. Sending me off to my daily therapy sessions. That sort of thing - like a mother. If you ask me, it's both endearing and frustrating.

We talked about everything, strategising together what we'd do. She told me that now that we were together, we were meant to be a team. She said that I can't always be the only one fighting - she said that she could sometimes take the hits too.

And by hits, she meant exposing herself to the media.

I didn't like it, but Sora said that she was fine with it despite me talking against the idea. She's much stronger than I had anticipated. Sora later filled me in that since Kaori has been left out of the media, we should keep it that way - even if it meant that the media feast on her own name. It was both a noble and reckless thing. What if we do end up breaking up? The media will be just as ruthless if she was exposed. I brought that up and she merely shrugged - saying that she didn't care what they said. She's crazy. She's fearless. Now I can finally see why Taichi said that she transformed into a different person whenever she was triggered. I get it now.

She changes her position. Head slightly tilted upwards as she lightly snores on my chest. I smile. As if sensing my amusement, she stirs awake. She yawns and her brown eyes find mine. Her cheeks become pink when she sees the light drool on my shirt. "Sorry."

"I'm not complaining." I say, "It's cute."

"Oh, shut up." She rolls her eyes, but her lips are quirked up as she sits up. She shuffles higher up the bed and instead of standing up, she lies back down and places her arms around me, snuggling closer. Closing her eyes, she whispers to me, "You're comfy."

"You're only using me for my body heat," I murmur.

She laughs. I sigh, letting my arms rest around her too and tucking my hands under her pert butt. She laughs more at this. I don't want to do anything more because I don't want to fuck up what we have again. Just having the privilege of her being in my bed every night has already been amazing.

"Are you sure you want to go ahead with the plan?" I ask her for the millionth time. I can't help it. It's a bid decision, and I really can't help but repeat that by going public with her means that privacy will no longer be an option to her. I want to give her an out.

Sora opens her eyes. "I told you that I'm fine with it. I'm not going back on my word about the matter, Yamato."

Yeah, stubborn as ever. She calls me the stubborn one, but I reckon we're equals.

"What we have going could be short term," I admit. I'm being brutal here, I'm trying to scare her - but there will always be the possibility...and as well as both being stubborn, we both also have commitment issues. "If you announce that you're with me, you'll still be labelled as being affiliated with me."

"So what?" Sora counters, eyes glaring at me. "We could also become long term. I believe we'll be long term."

And she's awfully confident about this. She believes in us, which makes me question myself. Well, of course it does - it's mainly myself who has the real commitment issues right now. Sora's willing to go all in - hook, line and sinker. On the other hand, I want to pinch myself to see if this is actually real, This makes me feel, she makes me feel...

"Why are you smiling, Yamato?"

I smirk. "You're kinda hot when you are insistent and demanding."

"What? Is this a turn on for you?" Sora raises an eyebrow. "Or are you a closet masochist?"

"If you're the S, then I'm down to be the M."

Pouting, Sora retracts back her arms and moves away from me. I let out a loud chuckle. "Come on, Sora," I say, opening my arms wide and waiting to go back into them. She maneavers herself and lies down on me. She replies under her breath, "Don't be a tease."

"You're the tease."

"No, I'm not," she denies.

"Yes, you are."

She playfully bites my neck.

I almost choke. "If you're doing something like that...you're definitely the S in our relationship."

She grins at me, and I steal a kiss. It's slow and nice. It doesn't last as long as I want it to because I drag my mind out of the gutter to get back to business. I reconfirm, "So you're alright if we do an interview together after we go public?"

"That's correct."

Yeah, she's not letting this die down. She really is going ahead with it. And although we're in a horrible situation, I can't help but feel happy about this. Sora's willing to go this far for me? It's pretty touching if you ask me.

"Then we need to figure out how we'll do it. We could get the media to follow us on a restaurant date…"

"But isn't that what everybody does?"

"What? You want to come out with a big bang?" I really hate being the public eye, but from the way Sora is smiling I can tell that she wants to make the most of it. She thinks it's funny.

"Why not?" She replies. "Oh, don't scowl like that. Live a little, Yamato. Enjoy it. We can get the media company to pay for it so that they'll get guaranteed good shots-"

"Huh?" I say. "Pay for what?"

"VIP seats to a sports game."

"You really do have this planned out, don't you?" I shake my head. She knows I'm amused by it all though. It's actually a pretty ingenious thought though. I angle my head, quirking an eyebrow at her. "What type of game are you thinking?"

"Baseball." She tells me, "Since soccer season ended last month, baseball is the default."

I ask her, exasperatedly, "How do you even know this?"

"Because I do," she grins sweetly.

I comment, "I think you're actually scarier than Taichi."

"But I'm prettier, right?"

Her eyes are twinkling, fishing for a compliment. And, you know what? Why not?

I kiss her on the lips. "You're definitely prettier."

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Remind me why I'm doing this again?

My legs are jelly. I'm dragging myself closer and closer towards the clinic. My pulse is racing. I want to get out of here. I turn around and voice that this thought to the people behind me. "Why don't we get pizza instead? I could do with extra cheese in my diet."

"Nope," Jun tells me off. "We're going in there together. No backing out now, Yamato."

"Are you sure this will be alright?" I say. "Takashi doesn't want me here. He blacklisted me."

"And now you know how it's like to be on the other side of that fence," Sora pointedly adds.

Great, now the females have banded together and are happily bullying me. It's not like I needed to know that. I get it already. But Takashi has shut me down the last time I visited the rehab. We all had decided on it. Brainstormed together. Even with Satou-san and Sora, I still hadn't been able to come up with a plausible solution. Therefore, I finally opened up to the old KOD members and Jun to help me out.

I exhale. "What makes this time any different?"

"Takashi told me that you're off the list now," Yutaka says. "So, I'm sorry but you can't bail now."

I grumble, "Fan-fucking-tastic."

"Language," Akira sniggers. Like he's one to talk. I flip my middle finger at him. In response, he grins back.

The five of us make quite the team. It's always been the band and Jun. This time, our lead guitarist is replaced with Sora - and Sora is actually meshing in well with them for the little time she has spent with them. I had never formally introduced her to my crew, and they initially did not think highly of her when we had caught her with Sebastian.

However, Jun had filled in the gaps and told me that Sora had gone out of the way to find her. It was after I had that psychotic episode at Koushiro's birthday. Sora had, apparently, tracked Jun down and eventually spoke to Akira and Yutaka - informing them that I had been admitted to rehab. I figured that that had put her in their good books after that. If Jun gets along with Sora, and the members have accepted her...that's already a triumph in itself.

"Are you sure that I should be here?" Sora says quietly so that only I can hear. "You could just go with the others since they know him and all-"

"Our meeting is an intervention. We're getting the full story about Natsuki because if we don't get the details, it might screw our plan over. We need to gather as much information as we can." I reach out to hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek. "This is why I want you here with me."

That, and, well...I need moral support. She gives me strength, and she's one of the main people who has helped me get through this. Even the warmth of her hand in mind gives me a newfound confidence. I can't conquer the world, but I can take a step forward with her by my side. Sora's that type of person to me.

She looks up at me with a weak smile. "Thanks for having me here."

"We're a unit. We're a team now, aren't we?"

"More like a fucking item," Akira interrupts our moment with a snort. "That's what you are now, aren't you?"

Jun hits Akira across the head. "Of course they are, you idiot." She then pulls both her thumbs up at us. I inwardly groan. The sooner we get in and out of here, the better.

Akira chooses to extend my pain. "You know, Sora, at first I thought you were the biggest bitch. I hated you."

I cringe. Here we go. I brace myself as I witness Akira yap on.

"-but seeing how much you've helped our baby boy, I guess you can't be all that bad news."

Jun facepalms. Yutaka steps in, saving the day and mutters to Sora, "What Akira means to say is that he likes you for Yamato. It's a compliment."

"Er...uh...thanks?" Sora blinks.

Akira cackles like the devil he is. "You're fucking welcome."

By the time Maya lets us into the meeting room, we don't wait long because Takashi is already there.

His face is fuller from the last time I've seen him. His hair is more kept and groomed, and his eyes aren't as wild anymore. Maybe more stable? Stable isn't even the right word to describe it. He appears like his old self, but he isn't. It's kinda eerie and peculiar. I don't remember the last time he's been this...sober? This aware? He looks with it. Then again, it might be a different story when he actually starts talking.

He fakes a smile when we sit around him on the table. I choose to sit on the opposite side across from him, while Yutaka and Akira sit on his left and right side. Takashi is comfortable with the two of them by his side because, unlike me, he hadn't blacklisted their visits.

"Uh...thanks for agreeing to see me, Takashi," I start off since nobody seems to want to. I gesture towards the woman sitting next to me. "This is my partner, Sora."

This is my first time openly introducing Sora as my girlfriend. I could have saved it for another day, but I didn't want to lie to Takashi off the bat. If I'm to regain his trust I need to speak frankly and honestly. He's giving me a chance, and I need to take whatever I can get.

"Thank God. I'm glad that he's moved on from Kaori."

I can't tell if Takashi's mentally here, being sarcastic or genuinely happy for me. He hasn't even addressed that sentence to me, speaking as if he's talking to somebody else in the room. I straighten my shoulders. I need to keep going. I avoid looking at the others' shocked expressions, focusing on my old mentor - the senpai I had once looked up to.

Takashi's pupils are a bit dilated, but there's a smile - and it's a true smile. It's a smile I haven't seen him wear for a while. This is something; I can work with this. Just from the smile itself, the tension releases from my shoulders.

"Thanks Takashi. You've improved from the last time I've-"

"I'm sorry, Yamato? Oh, you're here." He's finally looking at me straight in the eye.

"Yeah, I'm here."

They probably need to decrease the dose of his meds or whatever he's taking. He's in and out, and I get that. I've been there before, and I can only imagine how his recovery will take longer because he's been a long time drug abuser.

"My doctor told me I hurt you while you were an inpatient here."

"No," I shake my head. "It was nothing."

"It was something. I'm sorry." Takashi disagrees with me.

Why is he apologising for the truth? Takashi may have been under the influence, but he had spoken some truths.

"Please don't say sorry. I...Kaori and I, we really fucked it up for you, didn't we?" My tone is trembling. Sora's hand falls on top of mine under the table.

"No, Yamato." Takashi sighs. "You never got me hooked onto anything. It was never your fault. I was already taking it, and I kept going to the harder stuff. I thought that taking the drugs helped out to numb my anxiety...because I had quite bad anxiety as a teen. I just never told anybody."

"I wish you did," Akira frowns. "I fucking wish that all of you told me when you were going through shit. I would have beat it all out of your system. You and Yamato are the fucking same whenever you bottle heavy shit."

"Akira, not now," Jun reprimands our drummer like he's a child. "There's a time and place for it. Not now."

Takashi laughs. It startles me for a minute because I had forgotten the sound. I think the whole room freezes because of how brightly it resonates. Takashi says, "Akira, you never change."

"Did Natsuki?" Jun interjects. "Tell us what's going on with her."

Takashi winces at his sister's name. He frowns; a sombre expression falls over his face that diminishes his laughter. "What do you mean?" Takashi asks. He bites his bottom lip. "What did she do this time?"

There's obviously some sort of history then for Takashi to talk about his sister in this tone - almost like he's expected her to be up to something detestable. I want to sink into my seat and disappear. Having this conversation in front of everybody is making me feel awkward. I don't know how to lead our talk, so I let the others continue it.

Yutaka thankfully guides us back onto the topic. "Natsuki is in on it too, isn't she?"

"She's not part of this."

"Don't lie," Akira says.

Sora takes the cue and places all the photos that Takashi's sister has been sending me. Some tracked to when the band was fresh, pre-debut. Stalking photos. They weren't just of only me. They were of everybody. Some include even the location of our houses. I tear my eyes away from the photos. I've spent enough time pouring over them, to memorise them all.

"Your sister has been taking all these photos of us, Taka-kun," Jun says. "I don't know why-"

Takashi tiredly sighs. "Money. She's always lacking funds."

"But she's always been leeching off you the whole time," Akira states, bluntly cutting to the chase.

"Yeah," Takashi doesn't even deny this. He scratches the back of his neck, ears turning red. "She wanted me to pay for her school fees in Europe. She was going to be a professional violinist."

"Bullshit," Akira snorts. "How can you believe this?"

"I said she was. She's always been giving me a hard time ever since our parents died. Our band got big, and I...I left her alone. I thought I was doing her good, because I was earning money to send to her-"

"But she wasn't using it for living expenses or saving it for school, was she?" Jun says.

"She got a hold of my stash and got hooked too. And as I started to lose control, I think she started selling drugs herself - or finding any means to make cash."

So this was Takashi's story. Enough that he was already addicted, but he had been dealing with a younger sister who had been draining him; who had been taking advantage of him. It painted a picture of something I had never noticed. It's ironic because even though we were in a band, there were still some details I didn't know about him.

"Fuck." Akira swears. "So that's how she's been earning all this time? I found it odd that she never had a job…"

"Can we not talk about this?" Takashi says. "I don't want her to get in trouble."

"Why are you protecting her?" Sora intervenes, voice clearly upset. "She's an adult."

I glance at Sora in shock. Although she's only just met Takashi, she's not scared to throw her thoughts out. Before anybody else can reply, she keeps going on her tangent.

"Sounds like she's been causing trouble for you for a while. Giving you the pity trip, while you were earning for the both of you. What was she doing? Lounging around all day, smoking up? And then what? Her brother can't pay for her, so she goes off and ruins other peoples' lives by selling? And, it seems, selling wasn't enough? She goes after Yamato, blackmailing him so that she can get more money?"

"Sora," I say. "Please…"

"No, it's not right. Yamato, this is not fair." Her voice is shaking in anger. "If none of you are mad about this, I'll be furious for you - because you know this isn't right. You know this. You all do. She's threatening all of us here, and she's dragging us into her mess because she can't fucking get herself a proper job."

"Wow," Akira comments, eyes wide in amazement.

Takashi pales. He stares at her, not sure what to say. In fact, I think we are all speechless by Sora's words. I try to fight back the smile that is slowly emerging on my face. This woman is so strong, and her actions tend to always surprise me. There's always something new I'm learning about her every day - and I'm loving it. She really knows how to spice up everything. Mimi may be flamboyant and full of energy, Miyako may be chirpy and playful - but Sora...she really is something else.

Jun coughs. "Sora does have a point."

"More than one point. I accept them all," Yutaka supports. "Which is why, Takashi...we're just letting you know that we might press criminal charges against her if she keeps threatening us. We wanted to be honest about it."

"I had enough going on." Takashi's shoulders slope down. "I...I tried to avoid it for so long."

"You're not accountable for the shit things that people do," Akira replies. "And as Sora said, Natsuki's an adult now."

Takashi looks down at his scrunched up hands. "I'm sorry."

"No." Yutaka isn't having it. "This is not your fault."

"But I- I could have-"

Takashi stars sobbing, shoulders concaving. "God, I'm a fuck up. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Jun gets up from her seat first. She hurries towards him, enveloping our guitarist into a hug. He cries into her shoulder. Seconds later, Yutaka has his arms around them. Akira sends me a glare. I give a smile, rising up from my own seat as I attach myself to the hugfest.

"Fuck you."

That's Akira now. He's also joined in.

We're all hugging, probably trapping poor Takashi under our weight. I look across from the table and see Sora. She's tilting her head, observing us with a small simper. She gives me two thumbs up. When I motion her to participate in the hug orgy she gestures that she's good.

We separate when Takashi starts to make a gagging, suffocating sound from under the pile of bodies. The tears that have streamed his face are replaced with a wild grin.

And it's then I know...we have hope. We've made progress today. Although we had been talking about Natsuki, we've made a crack in Takashi's armour. There's a chance to get him back.

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"They're not going to use that footage of you and Takashi anymore."

"Oh, really?" I murmur, juggling my phone on my shoulder as I lock up the studio. After I hear a click, I hold onto my phone and place it against my ear. "That's great news, Satou-san."

I hear him click his tongue at me.

"They were really firm about releasing the video to the media - even after we agreed that you'd do that exclusive interview for their magazine. I don't get how they could have changed their mind about it."

"I wonder how…"

"You do know," Seiji-san accuses me. He's on the other line of the call. It's been a while since I've had both my father-like figures lecturing me at once. My boss and manager. I wouldn't say I'm the best liar, but they've known me for more than half of my life that they probably are able to pick up from my tone of voice.

Yes, there's no hiding anything from them.

I smirk. "I have my ways. They won't touch the band."

"Just how-"

I hang up the phone.

Yeah, I'm being an asshole. That, and well, I'm not in the mood to get interrogated - especially when I'm in a hurry to get to lunch. I need to drop by Sora's first, and then we'll be meeting my mother in front of the hotel. When I should have slept in, I had ended up waking at five to go to the studio.

Yesterday, during dinner preparations, I had watched Sora chop some carrots, and somehow I had come up with a tune. Don't ask me why. I get creative during weird moments, alright?

Every atom in my body was tingling, wanting to experiment with the chords straight away. I abandoned boiling the water (much to Sora's disapproval), and found myself in my music room, repeating the same tune over and over again until Sora had to actually spoon-fed me dinner (while I was playing), and eventually had to actually drag me to bed.

I was tossing and turning all night - driving her mad. The melody was stuck in my head, in a continuous loop. So when I woke up this morning, Sora let me leave for the studio early. She forced my morning meds down my throat, before collapsing back into bed to fall asleep.

It's only eleven in the morning, and I've finished the song. Some songs take forever to produce, but this one had been a quick one. The nerves about Sora meeting my mother isn't even messing with my mood right now. I'm happy and proud of myself about this song. And, well, I'm not really nervous about Sora meeting my mother. Sora obviously is. I'm not...because I know Sora can take on my mother. Sora's got that natural aura of making people comfortable and getting along with everyone.

"What did you do?" A voice hisses from behind me.

I stop mid-step. This time, I'm not as shocked by the person who has approached me. In fact, it's like I've been anticipating the moment. Takashi's sister seems to like striking when I'm by myself. She already knows where I live, where I work…

Pivoting on my heel, I turn to face her. "Natsuki, I don't know what you mean."

Her face is contorted in wrath, eyes narrowed, glaring at me with extreme repulsion. I never even knew she was capable of looking this furious, but...here we are.

Have I expected this?

Yes.

"The media company refused to send me the other half of the payment we agreed on. They said that the video was corrupt."

"Oh?" I try to play it cool. "I would have thought somebody like you would have a copy of the footage - since you illegally have obtained it and all-"

"Don't fucking pretend that you didn't have a part in this, Yamato." She glowers at me. "I have sources."

I tuck my hands into my pockets. "Well, perhaps my sources are better?"

She gapes at me.

Let's just say I've been tired of everything. I was over it. If the media and Natsuki were going to continue blackmailing me, I had to fight dirty back and pull out my cheats out too. I had debated against it for a long time - but I couldn't hack it anymore. Sometimes you've got to go down to their level, right?

There's too much at stake. My friends and I are already exposed to the public, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we want to be further flaunted to the public eye. Our band still wants to maintain our privacy as much as we can.

She looks at me straight in the eye. "You've been sending me those photos."

"What photos?" I play dumb.

Oh, I very well know what photos she's talking about. The other night I was at Koushiro's, and he had hacked into CCTV systems and had captured photos of her dealing in front of some bar in Roppongi. Actually, I would haven't been able to take any action if it wasn't for Koushiro. He's been the mastermind behind it all.

Which meant, I had come clean to Koushiro.

When I dropped that they were threatening Sora too, I knew he wasn't going to let go of this. That adds Koushiro to the more people that know about Sora and I. God forbid, I haven't told Taichi yet about us.

Anyway, once I told Koushiro everything he was irritated at me. I told him how I hadn't wanted him involved in this illegal business, but he was more angry at me for not coming to him sooner. Koushiro did more than obtain photos of Natsuki trading - he had also gone into the media company's system and deleted most of their files pertaining to myself, my band, Kaori and Sora. He even sent anonymous emails to the company until they swore to negotiate. I got actual chills from Koushiro's capability.

I've always known Koushiro to be a genius - but to witness him actually turn into a corrupt and evil hacker man was insane. Let's just say that I'll take note to never get on his bad side. Ever. He can be a powerful, cruel man. It's downright frightening.

"What are your terms?" Natsuki slices into my thoughts.

Ah, so this is really her true personality? She's already negotiating. That's probably how she's survived in the underworld. She can be sharp when she wants to be.

"No more photos. No more stalking. You leave us the hell alone. You stay away from us. You don't touch anybody that I know. None of my friends. And, above all, you don't hurt your brother even more than you already have."

Her lips stretch into a firm line. Cold. Heartless. "Fine."

"Is that all you're going to say?" I hadn't thought that she'd agree straight away. "Do you realise how selfish you've been?"

"What else do you want me to say, Yamato?" She snaps at me.

I know I can threaten her more if I wanted to. However, after all the investigating with Koushiro - we both decided against it. Natsuki has evident links to the yakuza. The priority was to have her stay away from us. Turning her to the authorities may trigger worse circumstances - and it's a risk that neither of us are willing to take. It's not a completely resolved problem, but it's better than nothing.

My phone rings, breaking the silence. I check my phone. As I reject the incoming call from my mother, Natsuki's back is already facing me. She leaves without another word.

That's the last time I see Takashi's sister.

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(a/n) I think there are two chapters left. :)

(Will reply to reviews later today or tomorrow. thank you for reading!)