mild trigger warning

Chapter Forty-One: Sirius Black, AKA Mr. Hickey-Giver

"Is that a hickey?" shrieked James.

Remus blushed dark red and slapped a hand to his neck. Fucking Sirius. "No?"

"Bullshit! It is!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

Remus silently applied a glamour charm. He stood there, looking down at his feet. He was going to murder Sirius. At least it had been James who had noticed.

James looked mildly surprised. "I didn't know you could do wandless or wordless magic."

"What? Oh, yeah." Remus shrugged. "Taught myself glamour charms."

"You never mentioned learning how."

Fuck. James may have been an idiot a lot of the time, but he was insanely smart. "M-must have just forgotten to."

"Huh. Why'd you decide to do it?"

"Um," Remus paused, trying to think of a reasonable excuse. "Just thought they were cool?"

James looked at him. "We both know that's not true, Remus."

Remus swallowed hard and looked away. He didn't say anything, and subtly pulled his sleeves farther over his hands. And of-fucking-course James noticed.

Remus could see the change in his expression. He looked so pained, as if he were trying to convince himself of something.

"You didn't, Remy," he breathed. "Tell me you didn't."

"I- I don't know what you're talking about," stuttered Remus, trying and failing to lie his ass off.

James walked over to Remus. Remus was practically shaking with anxiety. James gently grabbed his wrist and brought it up. "You wouldn't, would you?" he begged.

Remus bit his lip and tried to blink back the tears.

"Oh, Remy." James pulled him into a tight, comforting hug. Remus let go, letting the tears fall freely onto James's shoulder. "Shh, it's ok. I've got you."

Remus sniffed, trying to calm down. James rubbed his back soothingly. His breath hitched, but he had mostly stopped crying.

"Can I see?" asked James. "I need to make sure you're ok."

"I'm fine."

"Remy, don't bullshit me, please."

"Fine. I don't care."

James gently pushed up his sleeve. "Drop the glamours."

Remus dropped the glamours, revealing all of his scars. James gasped. "Oh, Remy." He frowned. "Drop all of them."

Remus shook his head. "I don't- I don't know what you're talking about."

James looked pleadingly at Remus. "Yes, you do."

Remus sighed. He dropped the last layer of glamours, revealing several cuts, probably a day or two old. James ran his wand over them, healing them. Remus screamed internally, but didn't voice it.

James hugged Remus again. "That's why you were in the hospital wing, isn't it?" he asked quietly.

Remus nodded.

"Fuck, Remy. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be."

"Is there anything I can do?"

Remus shook his head. What he needed everyone to do was to stop pretending to care and just let him die already, but that's the sort of thing that would end up getting him hospitalized. So he didn't say anything.

"Ok. And you know you can always talk to me, right?"

"Thanks."

"Of course." James paused for a moment. "Look at me, Remy. I care so much about you. We all do. You can always talk to me, or to Sirius, hell, even Peter. They want you to be ok too. Trust me. I've seen the way Sirius looks at you. He'd probably die if anything happened to you."

Remus smiled. "Thanks, James."

James just hugged him tighter for a minute, then let him go. "Speaking of Sirius, have you seen Mr. Hickey-Giver anywhere?"

"I'm going to fucking murder him," Remus muttered.

"I bet that's not what you were saying last night."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Shut the hell up, James."

"No can do," said James. "I'm afraid it's my duty to harass you about those frankly frighteningly large hickeys. You know, since we're friends and all that."

Remus buried his face in his hands. "You're never going to let me forget this, are you?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled.

"Nope!" said James cheerfully.

Remus flipped him off.

"Love you too!" James said brightly.

Remus ignored it. "I haven't seen Sirius," he said. "I know he had a shit ton of Charms homework, because he let it all pile up, so he might be in the library."

"Ah," said James. "It's not so much that he let it pile up, but he was too busy writing sappy, shitty love poetry during class. Poems for one Mr. Remus J. Lupin."

"Very funny," Remus said sarcastically.

"Oh, I'm not being funny, my dear Remus. Ask him about it some time."

"Ok, I will."

"I want to see this," James laughed. "Let's go look in the library."

Sure enough, Sirius was sitting at a table in the library, surrounded by books and parchment. All of the books were closed, though, and he was intently writing something.

"Let's sneak up on him," James whispered. Remus shrugged.

They tip-toed up to Sirius, standing right behind him. James silently conjured a cup of water, then quickly dumped it down the back of Sirius's shirt.

"What the fuck?" screamed Sirius, jumping to his feet.

Madam Pince seemed to materialize from behind a bookshelf, glaring daggers at Sirius. He gulped. "Detention, Mr. Black," she said. "Be quiet in the library and watch your language."

Sirius whirled around, glaring at James. "What was that?" he hissed.

James shrugged. Sirius noticed Remus. "That better not have been your idea," he said.

"Or what?" asked James. "You'll give him more hickeys?"

Sirius froze.

"That's right," James continued. "Your lucky boyfriend here forgot to cover up his neck."

Sirius spluttered, trying to find a good hex to use on James.

"They were fucking monstrous, by the way."

James was clearly enjoying riling Sirius up. Especially because Sirius couldn't yell or hex him while they were in the library. He leaned closer to whisper in Sirius's ear. "Also, Remus wants to see your poetry."

"You fucking told him about that? I told you that in strict confidence!"

James shrugged innocently. "Must have slipped out."

Sirius grabbed James's arm, dragging him out of the library. Remus followed the pair, laughing. The second they were out of the library, Sirius turned to James and just said, "You absolute fucker."

James was almost dying of laughter. "Read-" he wheezed, "read Remus that one poem."

"Absolutely not."

Remus turned to Sirius. "Please, Siri?" he begged.

"Fucking fine," Sirius groaned, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a scrap of parchment.

"You kept it in your fucking pocket?" exclaimed James.

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "I've seen some of the shit you've written about Evans."

"Well, go on, then," said James, completely ignoring the comment. "Read the damn poem."

Sirius sighed, then looked down at the paper. He really fucking didn't want to do this. "They say roses are red, but that's not always true. Violet's a color, the flowers aren't blue. There's one thing they say, though, and this one you know: Remus, my darling, I fucking love you."

James actually collapsed because he was laughing so hard. "I think- I think-" he stopped, clutching his aching stomach. "I think that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth."

Sirius shoved the poem back in his pocket. "I hate you."

Remus was also laughing. "I fucking love you," he said, leaning over and kissing Sirius softly.

James wolf-whistled. Remus and Sirius both flipped him off. "Shut the fuck up," Sirius said, before kissing Remus again. "I love you too."

A/N:

ayy another chapter :))

i made a playlist on spotify for this book, if you're interested! it's called 'w•h•s•t•l•s•f' and here's the link if u want to just copy and paste it: playlist/3yZwg4LFS8nQrC2vCWyqQR (also the song at the end is the song that they slow-danced to in the previous chapter)

updates might be slow for the next few days, my family's super catholic (i'm currently trying to figure out what the fuck i believe) and i'm involved with the choir at my church (fucking amazing, i love my choir director he's so great), and it's holy week/easter. so i'm back and forth and lots of singing. but i'm on break next week, and my sister's coming back from the hospital at some point, so then both my parents will be home and i won't have to babysit

take care, drink some water, try to eat something. you're doing amazing, and i'm so proud of you. i love you all so much 3

ktf xolyn