October 1st: Marlene McKinnon

Marlene feels apprehensive going into girls' night with Mary when everybody else is away at Slughorn's party. They haven't spent much time at all together in months now, but especially since coming back to Hogwarts, with Marlene sticking mostly by Lily. She hasn't been deliberately trying to ice Mary out or anything. Really, she hasn't! But she's—you know—gotten into the habit of being Lily's best friend, and somewhere along the line, Lily maybe became Marlene's best friend, too. That, and it's just easier to avoid Mary than it is to confront the fact that Mary quit the Order and Marlene doesn't know what the hell to say to her anymore.

But this is Mary, who took Marlene under her wing when Marlene was eleven years old and shy as a mouse, who made Marlene feel like she belonged with her when she didn't belong anywhere, who never shared Marlene's secrets even though she had made a reputation for herself as a gossip. Mary was there for Marlene even through Mary's tomboy phase and her ditzy phase and her angsty phase, and she'll probably still be there, ready for Marlene to lean on her, for the rest of Marlene's life. At least, Marlene hopes she will be.

So when Lily and Emmeline head down for the party, and Alice takes off to meet Dirk outside Ravenclaw Tower, Marlene tosses Mary a grin as she unbuckles her trunk and reaches around inside of it. "What first?" she asks. "Nails or facials?"

"Let's go with nails," says Mary. "Here, I'll do you first. What colors have you got?"

She's got red, blue, or orange for solids, or purple or red with glitter. "Do this one," she tells Mary, handing her the purple one.

"Nice," says Mary appreciatively. She plucks the glass bottle out of Marlene's hand, uncaps it, and starts running long strokes of color with the wand across Marlene's nails.

"So how have you been?" Marlene says when they're three nails in and still haven't said anything to each other.

"Oh, you know," says Mary, but Marlene doesn't really know—that's the whole point. "Classes are fine. Things with Reg are going well. We're not dating again—not yet, at least—but I think it's going in that direction."

"And that's still what you want?" asks Marlene, because Mary hasn't talked about Reginald in forever and it's not like Marlene would know the difference.

"He's a nice guy," says Mary, "and I think a real relationship with him would be very stable." She didn't really answer Marlene's question, but Marlene doesn't push it, figures that if Mary doesn't want to confront that, then it's not up to Marlene to belabor the point. "What about you? Any news about your dad?"

They haven't really talked one-on-one about Doc's disappearance up until now. She told the rest of her dormitory the night she found out he'd gone missing, but Alice and Emmeline think Doc is her uncle, so they didn't really get the full impact of what Doc being missing meant to Marlene. Mary knows, of course, and Marlene has felt Mary's eyes on her all week, but Mary never brought it up after that, so neither did she.

"Nothing yet," says Marlene, trying to sound less affected than she really is by this. "It's been a whole week now—more than a week, considering that I found out a couple days late. I keep reading the Prophet, waiting to see his name in black, or expecting Dumbledore to call me out of class so he can tell me…"

"He's gonna be okay," Mary says gently. "I'm sure he is." It's a lie—in this world, no one's safety is guaranteed—but Marlene still feels her stomach do a little hopeful flip, and that's more than she can say she's felt all week.

"Listen, I'm really sorry that I…" Marlene falters. "I'm just really sorry. For everything."

Mary finishes Marlene's fingernails and grabs one bare foot to coat her toenails in polish. "I'm sorry too," she says, and she sounds like she means it.

As she sits there on Marlene's bed painting her nails, Mary looks like she's struggling with something. Marlene sort of wants to ask her if she's okay and if there's anything she can do to help, but honestly, Marlene is a little afraid of what Mary's answer would be. Would she call Marlene out on not being there for her? Would she make the (very valid) point that Marlene's replaced her with Lily?

And then it hits Marlene that the reason she's afraid Mary will use her love as a weapon is because Marlene has been doing that exact same thing with Sirius—or at least, she used to, before things were good with him and before they were monogamous. She'd sleep with him whenever he wanted to, because she had no self-control or self-respect, but then berate the shit out of him for seeming unaffected and totally disloyal while he was off kissing other girls and living his life as if Marlene weren't an important part of it.

What if Marlene was an important part of Sirius's life—if he loved her but just didn't have the tools, or think he had the tools, to be a stable presence in her life? What if Sirius loved Marlene but had his reasons that he couldn't be with her full-time, just like Marlene loves Mary but hides behind her friendship with Lily because it's easier than the alternative? It doesn't mean that it was right, or that their relationship was healthy, or even that Marlene should have stayed, but maybe she shouldn't have assumed that Sirius wasn't doing right by her because he didn't give a damn.

Her first impulse, when this occurs to her, is to track Lily down and tell her. Then Mary sets down Marlene's foot and says, "Grab the orange one for me," and Marlene feels like a sack of shit.

When did Mary stop being the person Marlene turns to for support? What did Mary ever do to deserve Marlene shutting her out of her life?

Marlene picks up the orange polish and starts in on Mary's nails, but her hands are shaking, and the lines come out jagged. "Everything okay?" asks Mary because she has no idea.

"Totally fine," says Marlene. Mary either doesn't question it or doesn't want to probe, because she accepts this at face value, blowing on her fingernails once Marlene finishes with them.

She doesn't tell Mary her revelation about Sirius. How can she, when it's based on her own feelings about Mary? But as they finish their nails, exfoliate and then paint clay masks onto their faces, and do each other's makeup, Marlene does what she can to make it up to Mary—asks about Reg, talks about the break she's taking from Sirius, commiserates with her about their upcoming N.E.W.T.s. "Hey, I noticed you've gotten back into journaling," she mentions as Mary as doing her eyeshadow—a dramatic dark blue color. They don't share blush or foundation or concealer since their skin tones are so different, but they raid each other's collections for eyes and lips. "How's that going?"

"Well, it's not really journaling," Mary hedges.

"Gossip logging?"

"Not really that, either. I've been—I've been writing. Like, stories."

"Like fiction stories!" Mary nods shyly. "Mare, that's amazing. Can I read them?"

"Maybe—maybe not yet," says Mary. "I'm not very good at it yet."

"So? Pett isn't very good at guitar yet, but that doesn't stop him from playing in front of the entire Gryffindor common room."

"Yeah, well, maybe Peter doesn't care what anybody else thinks of him, but—"

"Mare, do you really think I would think any less of you if I read your work and it sucked? Not that I think it's going to suck, but…"

Mary purses her lips. "It's just sort of, like—personal, that's all. But—thank you for, you know, being supportive."

"Yeah, of course," says Marlene.

Mary finishes with Marlene's mascara and pronounces her look complete. "Too bad we're not going out anyplace," says Marlene with a smile. "We look fantastic."

"Yeah we do," repeats Mary. "At least our nails will last a few days."

"So what next?" asks Marlene.

There's a moment of horror where neither of them says anything and Marlene is afraid to learn that her friendship with Mary no longer extends past the effort it takes to get ready for the day, but then Mary says, "I scrounged a few editions of Witch Weekly off of Ver if you want to read those?"

"Yes, please. How is Veronica? You haven't talked much about the Hufflepuffs lately—aside from Reg, anyway."

"Oh, they're fine. They're, you know, gossiping a lot about the end of last year, with Elisabeth and Millie. Makes it kind of hard to spend too much time with them."

"Ah, I'm sorry," says Marlene, and she means it. She knows Veronica Smethley and her friends have been important to Mary for most of their time at Hogwarts, and Marlene had been hoping that Mary was finding some solace in them, now that she's broken with the rest of the Gryffindors and quit the Order. "I wish you had—I wish—"

"I know," says Mary. Marlene thinks Mary might know what Marlene means, and this both worries and relieves her. "I just wish you lot would stop handling me with kid gloves, you know? We made a mistake that got two people killed. I didn't want to be a part of that anymore, and you all did. That doesn't mean I can't handle the fact that the Order exists, or, like, that I'm going to fall apart the next time you mention it in front of me."

"We're not handling you with kid gloves," Marlene protests, but Mary raises an eyebrow, and even Marlene has to admit to herself that this isn't true. "Okay, maybe a little."

"Maybe a lot," says Mary, but she's smiling a little, so Marlene doesn't think she's too pissed off.

Marlene smiles back and says, "Look, I'm really sorry. I just haven't wanted to—push you, or make you feel left out."

"Trust me," says Mary, "you're doing a better job making me feel left out by tiptoeing around me than you would if you just talked about stuff in front of me. I know there are some things you probably aren't allowed to say, but I just—I may not want to be in the Order, but I still care about the war. Both of my parents are Muggles, remember?"

"Yeah, I know." Marlene sighs. "Do you ever feel like we're more divided than ever, the nine of us? We were so close to each other in May when everything was falling apart around us, and then the summer happened, and now…"

"I get that," says Mary quietly.

"Anyway, I just mean it's not just you on the outs with anybody. None of us are really doing that great of a job being best mates lately. The point I'm trying to make is that it's our fault, not yours."

Mary smiles weakly. "Start fresh?"

"Yeah," Marlene agrees. "Yeah, we can do that. I've missed you, you know."

Mary bows her head, and Marlene can't read her expression when she raises it again. "I've missed you, too," Mary admits softly.

xx

They stay up in the dormitory through the evening, reading Witch Weekly and bickering over nothing, until Marlene starts getting sleepy and declares that she needs to find a bathroom to clean up before she can go to sleep. She heads down the spiral staircase and is almost to the portrait hole when she sights on Sirius in an armchair near the back side of the Fat Lady's portrait, looking winded.

"Shouldn't you be at the party still?" Marlene asks him, draping her arms around him from the side. "These things usually run late, as I recall."

"Got into a tiff with Moony," says Sirius.

"Over what?" asks Marlene. She leans down to peck him on the lips, but he doesn't tilt up toward her, so after an awkward pause she pulls back and just stands there looking down at where he's sitting.

"Nothing. It was nothing," says Sirius, but something about the strained sound of his voice stops her cold.

Old annoyance creeps up on her, and she says, "You and Remus have been on the outs for months now. You really can't just tell me what's going on between you two?"

"Why does everything that happens to me have to be a huge conversation?"

"Sirius, I'm your girlfriend. We're supposed to tell each other this stuff. I'm supposed to help you deal with this stuff."

"Why can't you accept that I need to deal with this one myself?"

"Because I want to know what's going on in your world! I mean, really, how bad could this thing with Remus be that you don't want me to know about it? What could possibly happen between the two of you to make me hate you?"

"Because he—" Sirius seems to realize how loud their voices have gotten, and he stands up, grabs Marlene by the hand, and leads her through the portrait hole. There's no one on the other side of the wall, but he still keeps his voice low, furtively glancing around them as if to check that no one is coming. "He kissed me, okay? Moony kissed me."

Whatever Marlene was expecting, it wasn't that. She can feel her hands and arms slowly starting to go numb as she stares at him for a long moment without speaking, processing. Remus? Kiss Sirius?

There must be some mistake, she tells herself. As his entire past track record of dating goes, Sirius has never given any indication that he could be the slightest bit interested in men. And Remus—

Well, Remus has never shown any interest in anyone, isn't that true? So it's possible that the reason for this is that he's been attracted to men he felt he couldn't date, or who wouldn't have reciprocated.

Because Sirius wouldn't reciprocate. He doesn't. Does he?

"Did you kiss him back?" Marlene asks, and she can't believe that she's having this conversation with Sirius right now.

"Well—I mean, yes, but—only for a second! It all happened so fast, I didn't have time to think."

"You shouldn't have needed time to realize what was happening and stop it. Merlin, Sirius, I thought we were past the point of you fooling around with other people on me—"

"I haven't been! I swear. It only ever happened the one time, and he's been avoiding me for the better part of months now because he's trying to deal with knowing that nothing's ever going to happen."

"It's not, right?" Marlene asks, feeling pathetic.

"Of course it's not. I made a promise that I was done seeing other people. I wouldn't do that to you."

"But—you don't feel the same way about him, do you?"

"It wouldn't matter if I did," Sirius insists. "I didn't pick him. I picked you. I even told him today that I need some time away from him because of all this."

"Why? Because you need to get over him? Because you love him?"

Sirius sighs, sounding put-upon, and it just makes Marlene angrier. "See, this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you what was going on," he says. "I just knew you would twist it into something it isn't."

"Twist it into—I'm not twisting anything! You're the one who can't give me a straight answer if you love him or not! I should have known something like this would happen eventually—I should have known you'd never change—"

"As if," says Sirius, scowling. "I have jumped through every hoop you've put in front of me trying to prove I'm not that person anymore. It's not my fault that you're too insecure to believe me. Merlin, I thought we were past this."

"Yeah," says Marlene hotly. "Yeah, I thought we were, too. I really thought we were."

She stalks off away from Sirius and the Fat Lady; he calls after her, "Really? We can't talk about this like adults?" but she ignores it, clutching her bag of toiletries to her chest.

Remus kissed Sirius. He kissed him, months ago, and Sirius never told her until now. Marlene has no idea what to make of that, and she knows she'd better stop talking to Sirius about it before she says something she regrets.

She's in such a state that she doesn't see Professor McGonagall coming until Marlene nearly bowls her over. "I'm so sorry, Professor," she says hastily. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, just fine, just—keep an eye out next time." Marlene laughs and nods a bit frantically. "I was actually just heading to the Gryffindor tower to get you. It's about your uncle."

"My uncle?" All the breath seems to zoom out of Marlene's body.

"He's back," says McGonagall, and Marlene feels like she's going to collapse right there in the corridor. "He's with Dumbledore, and he wants to see you."

Everything suddenly seems more manageable than it did before, even her problems with Sirius. "Can I see him? Can we go right now?"

"Yes, of course," says McGonagall. "Come with me."

The walk to Dumbledore's office is probably the longest walk of Marlene's life. It's all she can do to keep pace with McGonagall and not start sprinting the rest of the way there. Doc is back. Doc is safe. Nothing else matters.

When the stone gargoyle steps aside, Marlene takes the stairs two at a time and positively pounds down Dumbledore's door. When he lets her in, she pushes right past him, walks right up to where Doc is sitting on top of the desk with a coy smile on his face, and engulfs him in a bear hug.

"Where were you?" she demands, her voice muffled by his robes.

"I can't go into detail," Doc says, sounding much more amused than Marlene thinks he should, "but let's just say there's one more innocent person out there who's been freed of the Imperius Curse. I had to go in deep, but I'm back now."

"You better be," mutters Marlene. "I was so worried. Don't you ever, ever do that to me ever again."

Dumbledore and McGonagall are talking behind her, but Marlene doesn't care enough to pay attention. She folds herself into her father and, before she knows what's happening, feels herself starting to sob.

xx

END OF PART SEVEN